Christmas in the Harbour
by Joy12908
Summary: Bella tried to leave everything supernatural behind her, relocating to the quant town of Swanville, Maine and working for a local hospital as an ER nurse, but when the past resurfaces in a shattering/tragic way, she's forced to face what she abandoned ten years ago. Will she stay to heal what's broken? -Post New Moon- Nominated for TwiFanfictionRecs Top 10 completed Fics for Sept.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do NOT own any of the content or characters of the Twilight Saga. They are the sole and rightful property of the great Stephanie Meyers.

**CHAPTER ONE**

**(BPOV)**

The phone rang incessantly as I clutched the clipboard in my hands, my eyes skimming down through the long list of patient names who had checked themselves into the Emergency Room. I still had more than a dozen triage cases to assess and it wasn't even midnight yet. The large clock hanging on the wall above me dreadfully revealed that I was only three hours into my fourteen hour shift. This was the typical weekend run here at Pen Bay Medical Center. The waiting room was overflowing as it usually was at this hour. You had your lively mix of flu patients in the bunch, children needing antibiotics for a cold that had hung on too long, accompanied by nervous parents who were seen pacing the floors, while they waited for an available on call doctor to tend to their ill children. Of course we couldn't forget about your overly intoxicated and equally beligerant individuals who had been brought in and dropped at the door for suspected alcohol poisoning. Then there were those who fell somewhere in the middle on the list, those who were here waiting to be seen for lacerations, abrasions, a mild burn or something non-life threatening. I was well used to pulling long shifts like these by now. After all, this was my fifth year here and I had adjusted easily to the demanding, and sometimes never ending, schedules for the emergency room nurses like myself. There was nearly a dozen of us that kept this place running.

Being an ER nurse meant that our department was often the first line of defense to anything from accidents to severe allergic reactions and any other kind of urgent medical care. The job required nothing but the best from you. All the time. It demanded your devout attention and mental sharpness, along with your rehearsed and routinely practiced bedside manor for both patients and scared or grieving families alike. I was told by many, including my own father, that this job would be anything but easy and that I wouldn't survive it without thick skin and a cast iron stomach. As it turned out, Charlie was right about it all. The money was never incentive enough for me to stick with it, only earning a take home pay of about sixty-five thousand a year wasn't exactly the kind of six-digit salary the average buried in debt college graduate sought out these days. No, instead it was my desire to help those in need that always drove me forward in the end.

I had seen my fair share of both traumatizing and crazy while working here and with the fast approaching,and highly over commercialized holiday season just around the corner, I knew this weekend would be no exception. Among the crowded families all shoved into our too small waiting room tonight, was a wife who could be heard screaming at her husband for his mistake in burning her while trying to deep fry their turkey. The entire floor had to listen to her dramatic rant and I was beginning to rapidly lose my patience with her.

I placed my empty coffee mug down on the desk and pushed away from it, my steps deliberate and quick when I entered the waiting room and addressed her for the third time.

"Ma'am, I need you to please-..."

"Oh, here we go again! Back to tell me to keep the noise level down, right? Well, maybe if you people would get their asses in gear and treat this burn on my arm, I could go home and finish cooking for the two dozen guests I have coming over to our house in less than nine hours!"

I sucked in a breath and squared my shoulders, my eyes tightening while still trying to remain professional yet polite with her.

"I understand your discomfort and I apologize for your stress, but we are experiencing a longer than normal wait time. The on call doctor will be out to get you shortly. Until then, I ask that you please stop shouting. We have many sick patients on this floor who need their rest."

She got to her feet, her shoes and pant suit stained with grease but appearing to cost more than I currently had in my bank account.

"You listen to me! I have been out here in this stuffy waiting room for almost two hours now and I demand better treatment than this!"

"Janet! Sit down! You are making a scene and an even bigger fool of yourself! That's enough! The nurse is only doing her job!" Her husband argued, trying to escort her back to her seat.

"Don't touch me! Get your hands off me! You're the reason we're in this hell hole of a place to begin with! I should be back at our house finishing Thanksgiving dinner prep but instead we're stuck here! Whose hairbrained idea was it to deep fry the damn turkey to begin with, Frank!?"

I saw the middle aged mans face harden as he leaned in with his angry reply to her.

"You were the one who bought that needless contraption and insisted we use it this year! I told you we should have stuck to cooking it in the oven like we always did but you wouldn't listen to me! You never listen to me! You think you know everything! Besides, everyone knows you don't cook the bird until the morning! It dries it out faster!"

"Oh, just shut up, Frank! If you would've adhered to the instructions I gave you that came with the deep fryer then-"

"Excuse me." I tried to interject, tossing a look back over my shoulder toward the nurses station who was buzzing with activity and phone calls that still needed to be answered. "Sir...- Ma'am...- I need you to-."

The couple continued to frantically shout and I huffed in frustration as several onlookers looked to me with wide eyed stares of alarm, some of them covering their children's ears while the fighting escalated further between the two.

I was at my wits end.

"You always screw everything up!" Janet shouted, shoving into Franks shoulder with her good arm.

"You are so ungrateful and-..." He began.

"EXCUSE ME!" I half shouted, my face feeling warm with my own anger as the two looked my way in shock from my tone with them. "I have asked you more than enough times to stop shouting and you refuse to listen."

I waved down the two security officers, Roman and Jon, who were at least six feet tall and had the arms of tree trunks to match. They saw my distress signal and were posted at the end of the long hall on grant seven for purposes just like this one and more. I used to be afraid to say boo to them or ask for their help, but after my second year here, we had all become good friends and I quickly learned that despite their massive size, the two of them were nothing more than giant teddy bears with a wife and kids back home. I saw Franks eyes bug out as they headed our way and I gestured for them to be escorted out of the waiting room until they could be seen.

"You can't do this!" Janet yelled.

"Actually, yes I can." I declared. "You had your warning."

"That's really not necessary." Frank tried to suggest but I dismissed him with a wave of my hand, as Roman took hold of them both and followed behind Jon.

A round of unexpected applause came from everyone who remained in the waiting room, some of them even thanking me with a hug for giving them some peace and quiet.

I sighed heavily, trying to get my second wind as I stalked toward the ringing phone and took one call after the other.

"Pen Bay Medical Center how can I direct your call?"

The lines stayed lit for over an hour and I barely had time to take a bathroom break and splash some cold water on my face, before rushing off to stitch up Mr. Dawson who was still waiting for me in exam room four, his minor head laceration coming from a fall he'd taken out on the ice earlier this morning. Dr. Niles had been the one to order a head CT and when it came back clear, he had left instructions with me for his follow up at home care after his sutures were finished.

I pulled the warn hair tie out of my ragged ponytail and piled the thick strands high on my head, as I tightly bound them all together and pushed open the exam room door.

"I'm so sorry for your wait."

"No need to be, dear. I've noticed it's a bit busy in here."

"Yes it is. How are you feeling after your fall? Any head pain, dizziness, or headache?"

"No, I feel just fine. Martha will surely be relieved to know that my fall did no real damage. Well, other than to the small blow up snowman she insists on having in the front yard this time of year. Little fella' didn't stand a chance when I landed on him."

"Well, I think all things considered, you were lucky. An inflatable snowman can always be replaced but you cannot." I replied, wheeling over to him as I moved the light closer to his face, and got a better look at the deep cut on his forehead.

"I do suppose you're right, dear. Could have been a lot worse for a man my age. Being almost eighty isn't for the faint of heart, you know?"

"You don't look a day over sixty to me. Tell me your secret?" I mused, gently wiping his wound to be sure it was clean before I began suturing.

"Oh, there's no real secret to obtaining ones fountain of youth. I guess I stay busy and have a routine that works for me all these years. Being married doesn't hurt either. My lovely wife Martha and I have been married for almost fifty-five years now. She is the light of my life. May sound sappy but it's true for this old boy."

I smiled warmly at him, keeping my hands steady as I injected him with the local anesthetic to ease his discomfort and continued on with the conversation to distract him better.

"That's a long time to be married. Congratulations to you and your wife. Not many couples stick with it for the long haul anymore."

"It's a shame really. We come from a time when people fixed what was broken if it needed to be mended. We didn't throw away love for convenience like most folks tend to do now. Such a foolishly fast paced world we live in."

"I couldn't agree more, Mr. Dawson." I sincerely replied.

"So, tell me, what's a young and pretty woman like yourself have for a secret to a good marriage these days? Surely, you have a family at home waiting for you on this Thanksgiving Eve?"

I met his aged blue eyes then and simply shook my head to him in return.

"The only thing I have waiting for me back at my cottage is a left over turkey sandwich in the fridge and a good book."

His expression turned to one of pity at this and I smiled with a soft chuckle.

"I don't believe it to be true. Beautiful and lovely lady like yourself all alone on Thanksgiving tomorrow? Don't you have family?"

"Yes, I do have family but they don't live here with me in Maine. My mother is in Jacksonville, Florida and my Father is happy as chief of police in Forks, Washington. He's been content living there for years."

"My wife and I have some family out in Washington ourselves. Both of your parents are so far from you. Do you visit?" He thoughtfully inquired.

I soon felt the familiar pang of regret that settled uncomfortably in my gut at the mere mention of my former home state. A place I had tried desperately to separate myself from years ago, breaking ties with anything that connected me to the supernatural and embracing the ordinary contentment of my own humanity as much as I possibly could since then.

"It's been a while since my last trip to see either of them. To be honest, working here takes up most of my time but it's a job I love." I replied.

"That's nice that you've found your career and that it's one you still enjoy. That's real important. Doing work that doesn't feel like work."

"I am blessed there."

Mr. Dawson sighed heavily then as I finished the last stitch and placed a small bandage over his wound so it could begin to heal. I could feel his gaze lingering on my face, as I wheeled back and pulled off the thick pair of latex gloves, before tossing them into the trash and reaching for his medical chart.

"Bella Swan is it?" He asked from across the room while I added some additional needed notes in his file for Dr. Niles to see later.

"Yes, that's my name." I replied, tugging lightly at the I.D. badge with my photo and name printed on display for patients such as himself to observe while in my care.

"That's a lovely name. Fits you well. I think it goes perfectly with your warm smile and pretty eyes. Reminds me of my granddaughters smile a little. You actually look a lot like her now that I think of it." He softly admitted.

"Really? Thank you for the compliment. How many grandchildren do you have?" I countered.

"Three and all of them now grown with lives of their own. Jobs and spouses and homes. They come here to the coast every holiday season to see us. It's nice really. You see, Martha and I were high school sweethearts and we married very young. So, not only do we have grown grandchildren by now, but this Thanksgiving we have our first great grandchild to spoil rotten. I think poor Martha has already wrapped about a dozen gifts for that baby girl. We've only seen pictures of her so far. Our grand daughter Lillian, she is the youngest of our grandkids and she lives far from us. Much like your family does. She and her husband are the ones who reside in Washington. Lillian had planned to attend a university here, but when she went to visit a friend of hers out that way three Summers ago, she met her husband there and the rest is history. She never looked back that one. Such a hopeless romantic like her mother and grandmother have always been. We're happy for her but it's hard for us to make the trip out that way, given our age and all. Traveling isn't easy like it once was. We can't wait to see them all. They were just setting out when Lillian phoned in late last night. They should be arriving not too long after breakfast. Martha always prepares a feast for them. She outdoes herself every year. It's truly how she shows her love."

I marveled at the way he spoke about his beloved family and for the first time in years, it made me miss a little bit of home myself.

"Congratulations on your new great grand baby. I hope you and your wife have a wonderful time tomorrow." I replied, handing him his coat and discharge papers.

"Thank you, Bella. I wish you much the same. I'm only sorry your dad and mom are not closer. Personally, I've been to Washington and I don't really care for it. I think I'll stick to my Maine coastal roots. Lived here all my life. No intentions on spending my remaining years anywhere else."

"Washington can be nice but it's certainly not for everyone. It has it's moments. Lots of rain if you like that sort of weather." I truthfully admitted.

He rose to his feet then and took his coat from me with a grateful smile, his gaze thoughtful as he checked his wrist watch for the time.

"Well now, would you look at that. Turkey day is now officially upon us. What do you know."

"You have yourself a great Thanksgiving, Mr. Dawson."

"You do the same, nurse Swan. It has been nice talking with you, although I hope I won't be seeing you again for a while. Don't think my old noggin' can take another fall like that. I'm not as resilient as I once was in my much younger days."

"You be careful out there. It is icy." I kindly cautioned him, noticing how he seemed to be lingering a bit longer than most usually did when they had been given the all clear for discharge. Normally, no one ever terried.

"Say Miss Swan, my warm and heartfelt wish for you this holiday season is to find the unexpected."

I smiled again and held open the exam room door for him with a soft chuckle.

"I don't know if I have much time for the unexpected, Mr. Dawson."

"Oh now dear, take it from a man of my advanced age and life lessons. In this world, all we will ever have time for is the unexpected. After all, just because it's unexpected doesn't mean it has to be bad, right?"

"I suppose not but in my own past encounters, all things unexpected eventually led to disaster." I timidly stated.

"I'm sorry to hear that but what good is this mundane life without a little unexpected to shake things up every once in a while?"

I simply nodded and watched him, as he headed out on his way to the nurses station with his discharge papers in hand. I placed his chart in the holder at the desk and reached for another when he turned my way a final time, his simple departing words making me still there where I stood.

"Nurse Swan, may the love your looking for in this life find you, wherever they are this holiday season and may it be as unexpected and as everlasting as my dear Martha and I have had for all these years."

He placed a gentle hand on my cheek then, the brief gesture caring, and briskly headed for the exit without so much as a backwards glance.

That's when we all heard it, the alarming call from the ambulance bay as Dr. Niles, and two other on call surgeons, rushed to assist the incoming trauma that was pulling up. We dropped everything and ran for the double doors, the instructions given to us clear and expected as they had been all the other times before.

"Alright everyone. All hands on deck here. Multiple blunt trauma protocol. Let's go!"

The EMT's jumped out of the rig, their movements urgent and fast while they desperately worked to keep the person laying bloody on the stretcher alive.

"Twenty- four year old automobile accident. Tachycardic and severely hypertensive on route with obvious head and neck trauma at the scene. Lost her pulse twice so far." Callie yelled to us.

She was one of the most fierce women I'd ever known here. Her dedication to the job showed in every shift she worked and in every trauma she assisted with bringing to Pen Bay. This job was her life.

I moved on robotic instinct then, grabbing the rails of the stretcher after hurriedly slipping my arms through the flimsy pale yellow plastic gown and pulling on a fresh set of gloves.

Thick crimson coated the patients clothes and hair as we rushed her inside, leaving a trail that steadily seeped out onto the hospital floor behind us.

"Get out of the way! Move! That blood is coming from her chest. She's one of three. Husband and six month old baby are still at the accident scene. Had to use the jaws of life to free them. Still not sure if they'll make it. Touch and go when we left." Tina added, as she frantically continued to yell for clearance to the nearby trauma room.

Tina was Callie's partner and just as equally fierce. They always performed as if they were born for this job and I admired their courage for it.

"Okay ready!? On my count! One... Two... Three! Let's get them Vitals!" Dr. Niles demanded, when we rounded the corner and entered the room. I knew the protocol and the standard procedure for an accident trauma like this and I knew them well. My hands reflexively reached for the cloth cutting scissors that lay on the tray to my left, and I quickly pulled the blood stained shirt and jeans away from her battered skin.

"We have a rhythm. Pupils are equal and reactive." I soon called to Dr. Niles. "Heartbeat is barely there."

"Went through the windshield. Wasn't wearing a seatbelt. Neither was her husband. This is the third accident we've been called to within the hour. This snowstorm came on fast. Caught a lot of drivers off guard. So many traveling for the holiday." Callie stated to us, her hands and uniform covered in blood as she and Tina backed away and gave us the room we needed to work.

"Lost the heartbeat again!" I called out, placing my hands over her chest and beginning compressions.

Utter chaos swiftly unfolded as the patients vitals continued to plummet faster than we could respond.

"We're losing her!" Dr. Niles half shouted to the surgeon across from him. "I need that blood."

Within minutes we heard the second set of sirens blaring when another ambulance sped into the bay.

"That has to be Jackson and Trevor with the father or the baby. Hopefully the rescue crews were able to free them both." Tina urgently stated to Callie, the two of them running from the room to assist in any way they could.

Dr. Niles continued to work over the patient, shocking her heart and swiftly moving me out of the way as he ordered another round of Epinephrine. After the third push of it, he demanded I stop. His words making my hands only work harder as I thought of how young she was. Too damn young for an ending like this.

"Stop compressions." He asserted.

"We can still-..." I hastily argued, not ready to give up on her yet.

"That blood won't make a difference. She's already lost too much. It's been eighteen minutes with no returning rhythm. She's gone. Our efforts are needed elsewhere. Come on."

I struggled to cease the compressions, looking down into her young face still splattered with blood. She was someone's wife. She was someone's mother.

"Dr. Niles-" I dared to speak. "She has a baby and a husband who-"

"I know and it's tragic but it's part of the job. We can't do anything more for her. She is beyond help but the others in the accident may not be. Let's go."

I reluctantly stopped CPR and ran behind him toward the bay where Tina and Callie were rushing to meet us with the baby, her tiny frame not responsive when they urgently handed her to Dr. Niles. He was quick to head for another exam room along with several NICU nurses who were already in place to help her.

"Bella!" Callie yelled, making me turn to see her blood covered gloves waving me forward. "I need you! Husband of the woman from the crash who is still in trauma one. He's in V-fib. They cut him out last. SUV was mangled pretty bad but they got to him. He needs blood and a central line! Pupils were equal and reactive while in route but he needs a CT. Could be suffering from a head lack due to impact. Needs to be ruled out first as soon as he's stable enough for it."

I gloved up again and headed for them with trepidation as I listened to her every urgent word. I pulled the stethoscope from around my neck and pushed my way through the cluster of chaos, seeing Tina while she hovered over the man with her hands firmly pressed to his side.

"He's loosing too much blood. We'll lose him if we can't control it and fast."

My eyes trailed down to the blood that was smeared across the hospital floor, the sight of it's vivid red color standing out against the stark white marble, and making me pause before shoving one of the tall male EMT's out of the way.

Everything around me stopped then, my whole body feeling numb in an instant as I gasped. My shaking hands were outstretched and I was frozen in a hell I couldn't describe when my wide eyes took in the sight before me, my mind filling with the scream that my mouth couldn't make.

No...

This wasn't real.

It couldn't be.

"Bella! What are you doing! We need to move! He is dying! Get over here!"

The sound of Callie's shouting ripped through me and her harsh nudge to my shoulder forced me to react. I blinked once.. twice... a third time. Nothing changed and the air felt stolen as I tightly gripped the rails of the stretcher and choked out the name.

"Jacob."

**A/N: Thank you for reading and please review with your thoughts. I hope you all don't mind the Christmas theme with this one. I tried to get it up sooner! :-) Look for chapter two and three tomorrow! Till Then... HAPPY READING!**


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER TWO**

**(BPOV)**

I could feel myself moving and hear the chaos in the exam room but my eyes remained locked on Jacob's face, my mind flashing back to the last time I'd seen him almost ten years ago and what my parting words to him had been then.

_"I can't stay here, Jake. I just can't. I'm sorry."_

_"You know I'm tied here. I can't go with you, Bells."_

_"This doesn't mean we-..."_

_"It does. What kind of selfish person would I be if I asked you to stay?"_

I was ripped from the past memory when Dr. Niles suddenly ran into the room.

"What do we got? Get those I.V.'s up!"

"Possible compressed skull fracture with a probable bleed. We need to get a CT!" Callie hurriedly filled him in.

I shook my head to clear it and started cutting away his clothes, revealing his bare russet skin that was marked and bruised underneath. I took his vitals, my fingertips touching his face as I checked his eyes, shining the light in one at a time and seeing his pupils react to it.

I hurriedly tuned out the loud voices around me and listened to his breathing, my stethoscope picking up shallow breath sounds only from his left side.

"We got no breath sounds on the right! Set up a chest tube!" I called out.

"I'm on it!" Dr Niles replied, his hands skillfully working over Jacobs bloody body.

His arms were lined with deep gashes and his skin still covered with glass.

"Give me those trays to set up his chest tube. Now!" He barked in reply and I did so without hesitation, my hands trembling when I handed it over to him.

"Nurse Swan, keep your head in the game here. This man has a six month old child barely hanging on upstairs in the NICU and a deceased wife in the next room. That baby needs him alive. He is the only parent she has left. So, let's give him our all. He needs the rapid infuser. Go get it!"

I took off out of the room on a dead sprint down the hall, knocking over a few people who were just outside the exam room door.

"S-Sorry!" I yelled back, moving out around them, as I took hold of the machine and quickly wheeled it back into the room.

"Call upstairs and tell them we need an OR and we need it now! Where is that blood?"

I pushed past Callie as she looked my way, her expression making me see that she had noticed how my trembling hands could barely release the tubing. I stared down at the blood pooling onto the floor beneath her feet and I swallowed hard against the tears.

No... Hold it together.

This didn't make any sense. He should be healing! Why wasn't he healing?

"Systolic is down to seventy-two."

"V-Fib!"

The sound of the heart monitor's alarm then made me nearly drop to the floor as Dr. Niles looked my way.

"He's crashing! Start CPR!" He ordered.

I ran forward, placing my hands on Jacobs firm chest as the tears ran unchecked down my cheeks.

I didn't care who saw or that in this job where I knew you couldn't lose your shit, that's exactly what I was doing. My composure was gone as I counted rhythmically in my head for chest compressions. I was forcefully pulled away from him as Dr. Niles grabbed the paddles and yelled for Callie to charge them.

"Alright! Clear!"

Jacobs body moved from the shock and I was struggling against the arms that had me to get back to him.

"Let go! One … two... three... four... five."

"Charge those again. Let's go! This time to two hundred!"

Within seconds I was pushed out of the way and I watched as the second shock to his heart made his lifeless form jerk on the table. My eyes were glued to the monitor, seeing the dreaded flat line running across the screen and wanting to plead with him to hold on.

They went again and when the monitors alarm stopped, I raised my head and heard Dr. Niles instructions.

"Okay people, we have a heartbeat. Let's get him up to the OR before he codes again. We're already on borrowed time. I couldn't move as I watched them wheel him down the hall toward the elevator, the trail of blood behind him making my head spin.

"Bella?"

I looked down at my gloves, the crimson covering every inch of them as I tried to speak but no words came out.

"Tell me who he is to you." Callie asked, her hand catching my arm, as I met her narrowed gaze. "You know him. It's plain to see."

I shrugged out of her hold and threw my gloves in the trash, before following after Dr. Niles and ignoring her question.

I rushed up the stairs, not wanting to wait for the elevator and trying to keep my wits about me, as I entered the surgical observation room, my hands pressing against the glass when I peered down to see them prepping him for surgery.

I could feel my heart hammering in my chest and my body trembling with fear while I watched them frantically try to save him. The haze in my head made it hard for me to hear the muffled voices around me from the others who were already in the room. Some of them younger interns who had the nerve to act as if it was some kind of Friday night movie.

"My bet is on Dr. Niles." Alexandria chimed, her immaturity on full display as her peers took her up on the ridiculous bet.

"No way, I got ten down on the blood loss winning out. He'll need bypass. Too much damage there." Julien countered, tossing a hand full of trail mix in his mouth.

I angrily snatched the snack out of his hand, causing them to draw back in alarm. They all looked like deer caught in the headlights when I took a step forward and lashed out.

"What the hell is wrong with you!? This isn't a weekend film or a casino! That is someone's father down there on the table! Someone's husband! Someone's son! Someone's... -best friend. Show some damn respect! Get out of here! All of you!" I shouted.

They tore out of the room with paled expressions, running past a wide eyed Tina and Callie as they went.

"We missed the show up here?" Tina asked, placing a hand on my shoulder when I turned back to watch the scalpel in Dr. Niles hand. "Bout' damn time someone handed those interns their asses. Coming here on mommy and daddy's money. They don't have a heart for the job. How is he doing?"

"I'm not sure. He just started." I admitted, sinking down into the empty chair at the front and leaning in so close that my face was nearly touching the cool glass.

Tina and Callie joined me then, there silent support enough as I kept my eyes glued on Jacob.

"What's his name?" Callie soon asked, her tone soft and sincere with worry when she spoke.

"J-Jacob." I replied, my breath hitching when I spoke the name I hadn't even uttered more than once in all this time.

"I thought that's what I heard you say when we brought him in." Tina whispered next to me. "Did you know him well?"

"Yeah, I did- I do." I replied, not noticing the tears that dripped down my face until she offered me a tissue. My thoughts ran wild as I recalled all the memories with him that I had tried to leave behind me, tried to erase like they were never there, because it was easier than returning to a life of the supernatural. A life I felt I had no place in anymore. "We were close. At one time. That was years ago."

"How many?" Tina hedged, looping her arm through mine

"Almost ten now."

We sat there until we were all called back to the ER with a flood of new accident victims from the sudden snowstorm. All of them stemming from a multicar pile up that occurred on the freeway just before dawn.

When I had tended to my last suture, I heard the anxious chatter by exam room one and drew closer as I pretended to study the chart in my hands.

"I don't know if I can do it." Alyssa tearfully stated, looking toward Marie who was equally emotional.

"I cant either. This is the first death I've seen."

I placed the chart down on the desk and took the gloves from them, my tear filled gaze meeting their own, before I entered the room and closed the door. The silence made me want to scream as I neared the end of the bed, the sight of her pale white skin reminding me of my own as I placed a hand over hers.

Her wedding ring was beautiful, a princess cut diamond in a three tier setting that shined brilliantly under the fluorescent lighting that still shown brightly from above her. She was absolutely gorgeous, her long rich brown hair falling across her shoulders with her long lashes casting shadows on her cheeks and her faint freckles touching the very tip of her nose in the most complimentary way. I looked over at the notice of death form laying on top the medical chart and my hands shook as I reached for it, seeing the name I already knew would be displayed there.

Lillian Black, age twenty-four, born in 1995 and deceased on Thanksgiving day.

I couldn't breathe as the sight of the name on the paper made me remember the words of Mr. Dawson that he'd spoken to me only a few hours ago.

This was his Lillian. The girl who went to Washington for the Summer and never looked back. This was his grandchild. A sob left me then, as I opened the medical supply cabinet in the corner of the room and gathered everything I would need to properly clean her up. I was careful to check her wristband and be sure she still had all of her personal belongings on her body, before I began to wipe off the thick crimson that stained her ivory white skin. I noted every piece of her jewelry and signed the chart as I continued with shaking hands. I knew that my time with her would be limited because those sent to transfer her to the mortuary would be arriving soon to collect her.

How many times had I seen this done in the five years I was here?

More times than I could count but this was so much harder. This shouldn't be.

Her body would remain in the property of the coroner until someone showed up to claim and release her.

I carefully wiped her body down and draped a thick white sheet over her slim frame, my tears dripping silently from my quavering chin as I thought of Jacob and what he would be waking up to, if he woke up at all.

The exam room door slowly opened and I saw Dr. Niles head toward me, his tired face making me pause there as he gave me the silent nod I'd been waiting for the almost three hours now.

"Husband pulled through, nurse Swan. Looks like there are still such things as miracles. It was touch and go for a whole. A hard surgery and it took our team longer cause half way through, he had a major bleed out and we had to perform a nephrectomy. Good news is he can survive without half a kidney, and he is stable now. Last I checked, he's on his way to recovery. He'll need a lot of time to heal, but with proper recovery time, he should make a full turn around for the better."

I absorbed all that he said and exhaled the long breath I'd been holding since he first arrived.

"That's great news." I softly countered.

"Yeah, I wish we could've saved his wife. She was so young. Days like this make me hate the job." He sighed, looking at Lillian's lifeless body that was now clean and ready for transport to the morgue.

"Been a long shift." I agreed.

"When are you off?"

"I'll probably stay and help. We are buried in here. It will give some of the other nurses a chance to go home to their families for Thanksgiving. I'm better off here."

"Alright then, I guess I'll see you on the next shift this week. Happy Thanksgiving, nurse Swan."

"Thanks, you too Dr. Niles. Go home and get some rest."

He headed down the long hall, slinging off his stethoscope and stopping by the nurses station with his signature smile in place for Natalie, who was peering at him over her thick framed glasses with a flirtatious smirk. I merely rolled my eyes and headed to the cafeteria for my fifth cup of coffee, before quickly changing into a set of fresh scrubs and making my way to the elevator that would take me to recovery.

I had to see him.

**A/N: I'm sorry for the delay in posting this week but I sincerely hope you enjoy this new update. Thank you for reading and please feel free to review. Thanks! :-) Till Next Time...**


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER THREE**

**(BPOV)**

I waited for the elevator doors to open, my gaze following the red numbers as it descended to a new floor.

Six... five... four...

There was a large group of people waiting to step inside the moment the steel doors parted and I exited, all of them wearing smiles of gratitude as they excitedly exclaimed about whatever loved on they were visiting. The relief they felt from the assumed good outcome showing in their wide smiles as they went along on this Thanksgiving Day.

I turned away from them, ignoring the lump in my throat and blinking back the emotion that tried to blur my vision as I headed for the recovery ward just ahead of me. I knew every corner of this place like the back of my hand, but today, I truly wish I didn't. I wish I wasn't here. I halted my timid steps when the sight of Anna Hendericks friendly smile greeted me at the front desk.

"Nurse Swan? I didn't know you were working today? Isn't your shift over."

"I decided to stay longer."

"Oh I see. The E.R. must have been really slammed with that pile up. We have several patients down here from surgery. Been crazy this way, too! Are you fairing alright?"

I managed a small nod her way and looked toward the many recovering patients, my gaze eagerly searching for him as Anna rounded the corner and held out a chart to me.

"Mr. Black is in room four."

"Wh- how did you?"

My eyes met hers in confusion and she simply pushed the chart into my hand with her understanding reply.

"We've all had the misfortune of seeing someone we know or used to know in here. It's the kind of reality no one wants to face. Callie sent me a message before she left on her next call with Tina. She told me you needed his chart and would be here sometime before you left from your shift. I held it at the desk for you. We've been checking on him regularly since they brought him down. His vitals are good, Bella. Has a strong heartbeat and his blood pressure is more stable than it was an hour ago. Dr. Niles did a wonderful job with his surgery. Very well could have saved his life."

I let out a shaky breath and peered down at his chart, skimming through the many notes that had been documented there, seeing that his temperature was elevated and that it was listed as possible concern for infection.

Anna pointed to this on the paper and raised her eyebrow at me in worry.

"This has us all scratching our heads. I've checked it three times myself and two other nurses have done the same, it continues to steadily rise. I can't give him anymore pain meds. He's maxed out on morphine as it is. Anymore dosage could prove to be harmful for him. Any idea what could cause that?"

I bit my tongue with a shrug and thanked her for the chart, further dismissing her question as I nervously walked down the long hall to recovery room four. The sight of him made me gasp and I was quick to shut the door behind me before I approached him with the chart still clutched tightly in my hands. I took one timid step at a time toward his hospital bed, the sounds of the machines that were hooked up to him being the only dreaded noise in the room.

What I wouldn't give to hear his laughter right about now or see his charming smile light up his face like it always had.

I set the chart down and slowly leaned in, my fingertips lightly brushing his cheek as I stared down into his handsome face. He looked peaceful, the familiar sight of it reminding me of when I'd seen him asleep years ago as a teenager. My tears returned then when I thought of what his brown eyes would open to soon enough. What grief would be waiting for him when he would startle awake as the meds continued to wear off and his body would heal.

"I'm so sorry, Jacob. I'm so sorry."

I studied his features, noting the age now in his once boyish face and the longer I stared at him, the more I knew why he'd nearly died to begin with.

He was no longer phasing. He'd left the wolf behind to build a family with Lillian. To be the kind of loyal husband and loving father I had always seen in him.

The monitor beeped loudly, alerting me of a change in his vitals and I moved back as I closely monitored the elevation in his hearts rhythm. I checked his breathing and made sure his IV was working peroperly, my hands feeling the heat that radiated off his russet skin when I touched his bare arm. I grabbed the head thermometer and placed it gingerly at his temple, my eyes going wide when I saw the reading that flashed back to me in red.

104.7 degrees Fahrenheit... Shit.

Jacobs body tensed and while his eyes remained closed, his face twisted with pain.

His body had been through too much and was already burning through the medicine faster than it could do it's damn job. He couldn't wake up yet. He needed more time to heal. It could be fatal for him.

Adrenaline pumped through me while I hurriedly ran to the front desk, ignoring the nurses curious stares as I scanned my badge and unlocked the med room where the bags of morphine were located. I snatched one from the shelf and jogged back to Jacobs room, my trembling hands making it difficult for me to steady the line long enough to hook up the new one and release the clamp. I watched the clear liquid run down into his arm and held my breath as I waited for hit to hit his system. I hovered over the bed, pushing back the emotion that tried to leak into my voice as I placed a kiss to his forehead and whispered my plea to him.

"Shh- Jacob. It's okay. Just rest now. Please..."

Within a minute, his body relaxed, and his face returned to the peaceful expression from before.

I sat there with him, hunkering down in the empty chair at his bedside and watching his every flinch of movement. I tended to whatever his recovery called for while the anesthesia steadily wore off, and I diligently monitored his pulse, respiration and blood oxygen levels as the early morning crept by.

I thought of poor Mr. Dawson and his wife, who would be getting the life altering phone call any hour now that would tell them why their Lillian wasn't coming for Thanksgiving as planned.

I could feel my eyes getting heavy after the second hour ofwatching him had passed and I knew that I needed more coffee if I stood a chance at pulling off this thirty-two hour shift. I wasn't leaving this hospital until I knew he was okay.

I was barely out of the elevator before the sound of a crash code coming from the Nicu made me drop the paper cup in my hand and run toward the alarm.

"She isn't responding! We have no heartbeat!"

I ran into the room, seeing the head of the NICU, Nicky Ericson, frantically trying to bring back the crashing baby girl in front of her. A team rushed forward and I joined them, hurriedly opening the packaging for the tracheal intubation they needed to keep her alive.

"What happened!?"

"She's been breaking down the last thirty minutes. It would be a miracle if she makes it through the day." Nicky replied, looking to me with a terrifying expression I'd seen in her blue eyes before. The kind of look that comes before she had to call a time of death on a baby.

I handed her the intubation tray and stepped back, seeing her place the small and delicate tube down the infants throat and pump the air she needed back into her lungs.

"Say a prayer, Nurse Swan. She needs it."

I closed my eyes and bent heavens ear for Jacobs little girl.

Miracles did happen and I wanted her to get the next one.

**A/N: Thanks for reading and please feel free to review. There will be another chapter posted tomorrow evening. Till Next Time...**


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER FOUR**

**(BPOV)**

I stayed in the NICU for the rest of the morning, my eyes intently watching the slight rise and fall of her tiny chest. She was stable for now but her condition continued to be touch and go. Her little body had been through so much in the past twenty-four hours and I cringed at the sight of all the machines she was hooked up to, every one of them working together to keep her alive.

This wasn't fair. None of it was.

Jacob had done exactly what I'd hoped he would. He had moved on. Built a life with Lillian and started a family with her. It had been my heartfelt wish for him since the day I left Washington and he had done just that. I hated that in the blink of an eye, his whole world had imploded and that a huge part of the life he built had been savagely ripped away from him in an instant.

Even working in a place like this for as long as I had still made me wonder why bad things happened to good people and I had yet to find the answer.

I pulled the chair I was sitting in closer and for the first time this morning, saw past all the wires and tubes that were hooked to her and studied her innocent and precious face. Her hair was rich black in color and curly, her skin tone a perfect blend of both Lillian and Jacobs. Her forehead and the shape of her eyes mirrored her mothers, but her lips and chin were all Jacob. She favored him more but it was plain to see that she was the very best parts of both.

I felt the vibration of my pager at my hip then and glanced down to see the ER code I had seen a million times before. They needed me for an incoming trauma and I struggled to leave the NICU. I wanted to stay and sit with her longer but knew I had to go, my whispered plea to her heartfelt before I left.

"I have to leave you now, but it's only for a little while. I'll be back soon. You rest and heal okay, sweet girl? You have to get better. Your daddy needs you. The two of you need each other."

I headed straight for the ER, my eyes soon scanning over the frantic chaos in there as Callie and Tina wheeled in a young man strapped down on a stretcher, his angry shouting loud enough to be heard throughout the whole floor.

"Get away from me!" He screamed, as Dr. Niles motioned for my aid, his directions clear when he called my name.

"Nurse Swan, lets get those vitals. We need you over here. Come on!"

I ran toward them and gloved up, my hands reaching for the end of the stretcher only to be halted by Callie's firm grip.

"Hey Bella, wait a minute. Maybe let another nurse on the floor take this case?"

"Callie, what the hell are you talking about? Let me go so I can do my job!" I hastily snapped, yanking my arm away from her and seeing her defeated glance in response.

"Trust me, you want to take my advice!"

I stared back at her in confusion, the two of us suddenly being pushed aside by a large police officer and his rooky who entered the room without asking.

Dr. Niles stopped his movements then, looking at the officers in concern as they crowded around us.

"This is the guy responsible for that highway pile up last night. He fled the scene after impact and we chased his ass all through the night and this morning. Finally caught him hiding out in the woods." One officer clarified, his tone irritated and reminding me of Charlie in the way he spoke.

My blood ran cold and I felt the room begin to spin as I looked toward the young man still thrashing around, despite our best efforts to restrain him. Dr. Niles swiftly gave him a sedative as he shouted our way.

"Get the fuck away from me!" He screamed, his foot connecting with the tray in front of me and kicking it hard enough to send the contents flying to the floor. I felt numb when I heard it hit, my eyes going wide as Dr. Niles yelled to me.

"Bella, get over here!"

I jerked forward, quickly picking up the mess and helping him to restrain the patient better.

"S-Sorry-..." I stammered.

"You say that you chased him in the woods? This kid has a compound fracture here. Can't believe he even got that far with it. He'll need surgery to place a rod in for healing, otherwise he won't walk right again."

"Serves him right if you ask me." The younger officer stated in response, as he folded his arms over his broad chest. "He's looking at vehicular manslaughter. Check his blood, he's at least twice the legal limit and he drove that way."

My head filled with Jacob as the officer continued on.

"His truck spun out and he lost control, struck the first SUV head on. There was nothing left to it. We were lucky to get that family out at all. How are they doing?"

"We lost the mother and the father and baby are still critical. It's been touch and go for both."

I looked up and saw their faces fall in response to this as I checked the patients breathing, my report to Dr. Niles barely audible now.

"Equal breath sounds."

"Okay, call the OR and let them know we're coming up." Dr. Niles replied.

I made the call and watched as they wheeled the heavily intoxicated teen out of the room for surgery.

"Unbelievable, kid drives trashed and he's the one who has the least amount of injuries. Doesn't seem right, does it?"

"Sure in hell doesn't." I replied, seeing the unreadable look that crossed Dr. Niles face from me being so boldly outspoken. I normally remained silent outside of what I was instructed to do, but right now, I had all I could do not to scream at the guy. My face was flush from my anger. He looked as if he wasn't more than nineteen and barely old enough to have a valid drivers license, let alone to drink.

His reckless and selfish decision on this holiday took the life of one and almost erased an entire family from this world. A family who was only trying to get to Thanksgiving with their loved ones.

I tossed my bloody gown and gloves into the trash and headed for the nurses station when I caught sight of Mr. Dawson and his wife there. They were huddled close as Natalie adjusted her glasses and thumbed through the dozens of charts.

"I'm sorry we've been so busy down here. Let me call down to the morgue and see if they are ready for you."

I tried to draw in a breath but it felt impossible as I looked at the elderly couple with tears in their eyes,

"We received a call that our great grand daughter and her father were here as well. Can you tell us where they are? Can we see them? Please, we need to see them-" Martha begged, her face full of grief as she looked around the crowded ER.

I fought the tears that I knew were unprofessional to show but they came anyway and when I spoke, my voice shook with the emotion I tried to ignore.

"Mr. Dawson..."

The familiar face turned my way then, his aged blue eyes meeting mine with alarm when he released Martha and reached for me.

"Nurse Swan, you're still here." He began, before the grief overwhelmed him and he turned to address his crying wife at his side. "This is the lovely nurse I told you about earlier, Martha. The one who helped me from the fall. Do you remember me telling you about her?"

The woman looked at me, her tears steadily dripping down her tired face, as she stepped forward and reached out a shaking hand.

"Shawn, she's the one you said was from Washington?"

"Yes, dear. This is Bella. She's the nurse who was so very good to me."

I froze then as she let go of her husbands hand and hugged me, her tight embrace making my tears return when she spoke.

"Thank you for helping my Shawn before. He said that you reminded him of our Lillian so much and now I see just what he means." She wept, the sound of her devastating heartbreak making me unable to stem my own tears any longer.

Mr. Dawson gave me an apologetic look as I hugged her back. They had lost someone so dear to them today and on a day that was supposed to be about celebrating family togetherness. Their loss was tragic and I felt it in my very soul as I grieved with them.

"Please, tell me you were here when they brought them in? Have you seen our great grand baby? Where is she? And Jacob- is he?" Mr. Dawson questioned, his face paling as he begged me for answers to some of their questions.

"I was here and Jacob is stable right now. His injuries were extensive." I replied, my voice betraying me when it broke on the last few words to him.

"... and our Clarissa? Is she-..."

It was the first time I had heard her name and I nodded quickly before gesturing down the long hall toward the awaiting elevator that led to the NICU.

"Come with me. I will take you to her."

"Oh, thank you so much." Martha cried, gripping onto my arm as Mr. Dawson followed silently behind us.

When we exited the elevator, I pointed toward the direction we needed to go and felt their hesitation as we rounded the last corner.

I escorted them in and paused briefly when Clarissa came into view, her body still appearing so fragile as we drew near. I pulled up a chair and guided Martha to sit down as her crying continued.

"She's stable right now and I assure you that she is in great hands here. We have a wonderful team at Pen Bay. They have been monitoring her closely ever since she came in." I offered, trying to assure them in any way I could.

Mr. Dawson placed a hand on his wifes shoulder and I took a step back to give them the privacy they deserved. I was barely out into the hall before I heard Martha praying. I turned away from them and took in a steadying breath as I wandered further down the hall and thought of how wrong this all seemed. I leaned against the wall, my body weary as I slid down there and pulled my knees up to my chest, while listening to Martha and Shawn weep over their Clarissa,

It wasn't long before a tired voice greeted me there, his red rimmed eyes making me get to my feet when he slowly approached.

"Can you take me to see Jacob? Martha would like to stay with Clarissa and I want to see her father. He's always been so good to our Lillian and I have to know how he is before I call Billy. I've only met the man twice but I know if he were my son, I'd want to know what had happened." Shawn asked, his simple request causing my breath to hitch as I thought of Billy. Guilt consumed me when I realized that I had yet to place that call myself, knowing it should come from me first. I nodded and led the way to the recovery ward where Jacob was.

"I'll take you to him."

**A/N: Thanks for reading and feel free to review! You are all wonderful :-)**


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER FIVE**

**(BPOV)**

The phone rang and my hands trembled as I waited for Billy to pick up, my exhausted gaze going to Mr. Dawson who had fallen asleep next to Jacobs bedside over an hour ago, his soft snoring the only sound in the room besides the heart monitors steady beeping. He hadn't left Jacobs side for the rest of the afternoon and when I returned from checking on Martha and Clarissa, I found him with his head bowed and in the middle of a touching conversation. I slowed my steps and waited just outside the door, listening to his sincere words to Jacob.

"You made our Lillian so happy. You were all she talked about whenever she would call Martha for one of their many chats. You made her smile in a way we hadn't seen in a long time. Not since her parents divorced. Peter and Judy did a real number on her with that separation when she was young. I love my son, but he was wrong for leaving his wife and children like he did. We worried all through Lilly's high school years that she would never really give love a chance. The divorce tainted her idea of it so much, but then, like an answer to our prayers, you happened Jacob. That Summer she spent in Washington with her friend Jennie changed everything for her. That girl, she packed everything up and left home for you only a month after she told us about your first date together, but that was always Lilly wasn't it? Taking life as it came with that wonderous and adventurous spirit of hers. You know, when we first met you, Martha said it wouldn't be long before you popped the question. I thought she was jumping the gun a bit, but of course, she was right. Lilly was so very proud of you Jacob. Of who you are and your accomplishments. She was the one who told everyone who listened that you were gonna open that autobody shop of yours back home, even after her father tried to warn the both of you against a risky move like that. She believed in you. She always did and you never let her down. You and Clarissa were the very best parts of her young life."

I placed a hand over my mouth and listened as he continued on.

"I don't know if you can hear me or not, but if you can, I want you to know that you're in the very best of hands. The doctors and nurses here, they've been checking in on you almost every hour and they are so kind to answer any of our questions. You can sense that they really care about who comes in this place. Especially Nurse Swan, she's real special that one. Her heart is pure, I can tell that she gives her all to the job. Oh son, this isn't where we were supposed to be today. We should all be gathered around the fire and gobbling up all the leftover pie. You always loved Martha's apple pie. She made two extra just for you this year, same as she always does. She was just taking the last one out of the oven when we got the call and rushed here. I want you to know that we will always consider you to be our family, no mater what, Jacob. No matter what."

The sound of Billy's baritone cutting through the line then tore me away from my thoughts as I heard his gruff tone.

"Black residence?" He answered.

The previously rehearsed greeting to him that I'd mentally gone over about a half a dozen times was now on the very tip of my tongue, but I struggled to say anything.

"Hello, is anyone there?" Billy asked again.

"Hi, Billy." I forced out, before I lost the nerve and heard the responding silence.

"Who is this?" He asked, and I mentally kicked myself for not calling him sooner, for not bothering to call him at all since I'd left Washington all that time ago.

"It-It's Bella, Billy. Bella Swan."

There was a long pause and I had to glance down at the cell phone to check and see if he had already disconnected our call. It would serve me right if he did.

"Bella?"

"Yeah, Billy. It's me. I know it's been a long time and-"

"Too long, dear. Much too long. How are you?"

I closed my eyes and tried to form the words he needed to hear, but my throat felt too tight from the emotion that tried to choke me now.

"I'm sorry I didn't call you a long time ago, Billy. I have no excuse for it."

"It's alright, Bella. I know that life has a way of getting away from us. With all the hectic craziness nowadays." He thoughtfully replied, though I felt undeserving of his grace.

"Busy or not. Doesn't matter."

"Your father is on his way over with an early steak dinner and some beer. If you call back in a little while, you may just get to talk to both of us today. I know he'd sure love that."

"No, Billy, please don't hang up. I called you for a reason. It's important."

"What's the matter, Bella? Is something wrong? Are you hurt or in trouble?"

The sound of his sincere worry made me cover my face in shame and back away from Jacobs room. Even after all this time, and despite my selfish silence to him, he still remained to be the same kind, warm hearted and caring person to me as he always had been.

"It's not me, Billy. I assure you, I'm fine. I called because there's been an accident."

"What do you mean, Bella? What kind of accident?" He asked, his voice becoming strained as he began to grasp where I was headed with this call.

"It's Jacob, Billy. He and Lillian they-..."

"Oh, God. No- No."

"I'm so sorry, Billy."

I paused then at the distant sound of Charlie's voice echoing in the background.

"Billy, hey... What's the matter? Billy, what's going on? Who is that on the phone?"

I clutched the phone tightly in my hand and listened as my father tried to calm Billy down.

"It's Bella, Charlie. She said that there's been some kind of accident-..." Billy gasped in explanation.

"H-Hello? Bella? Are you there?"

"Yeah, Dad. It's me. I'm right here."

"What's going on? Who had an accident?"

"It's Jacob, dad. He and his family was involved in a car accident earlier this morning. It was bad. It was real bad. You should bring Billy here to Pen Bay and hurry."

"Is he in the ICU? What about Lilly and the Baby?"

"... just get here as fast as you can with Billy. Call me when you get into Maine so I know your travels were safe, alright?"

"Tell me how bad?"

"All I can tell you is to hurry. I'll see you soon."

"Alright, Bella. We'll get on the road right now."

I ended the call and rubbed a hand over my tired face, my eyes feeling so heavy that I struggled not to collapse from utter exhaustion as I headed back for Jacobs room. Mr. Dawson was sound asleep when I approached his bedside and I carefully draped the spare blanket we kept in every room over his shoulders, his face looking peaceful for the first time in hours now and his hand comfortably resting next to Jacobs.

I flipped through the chart at the end of the bed, noticing how Jacobs fever had been holding steady at 103.5 for the past six hours, and sighed heavily when I glanced up to see his russet skin now covered in a fine sheen of sweat. I placed a cool cloth on his forehead and ran the backs of my fingers down his cheek and neck, feeling the heat pour from him like a blazing furnace and inwardly cringing, as I thought of his injuries. His left leg was fractured in three places and four of his ribs were broken from the impact, along with a clavicle fracture and the surgery Dr. Niles performed. His body needed this time to properly heal, and I'd kept the morphine on a steady drip for him, but the fever was working against me to keep him comfortable. I watched for any flicker of pain on his face whenever I checked on him, and had been careful not to be seen grabbing more morphine. I knew it was against every damn rule, but I couldn't leave him to be in that kind of pain and I was willing to accept whatever consequences came from that later on down the road. It was well worth it for me to give him the only kind of comfort I could. To keep his pain at bay, if only for a little while longer. Soon, he'd come to and a new ocean of agony would stretch out before him, and there would be nothing I could say or do to take that away.

I stood there staring down into the face of my former best friend, recalling all the times he'd pieced my shattered heart back together all those years ago and wanting to scream for knowing that I wouldn't be able to do the same for him. His grief would be a storm I couldn't shield him from in the same way he'd done for me when I couldn't see past my own darkest days. I would give anything to take this from him. To trade places with him.

I couldn't stop from thinking about his wife, wondering about the kind of life they'd shared together back in Washington and why out of all the other vehicles speeding on that damn highway, that drunk ass teenager had struck theirs first.

I could close my eyes and picture it all. The two of them laughing about an inside joke they'd shared dozens of times before, and a sleeping Clarissa in her carrier strapped in the back seat just as a set of blinding headlights appeared ahead of them, leaving no time for Jacob to react or swerve out of the way. Tears clouded my vision as I imagined the panic he must have felt in that moment, knowing his whole life was in that SUV and he could do nothing to stop the hit from coming, nothing to protect the two people who were the most precious to him in this life.

The hands of time ticked steadily on and I received a departure text from Charlie when the early evening hours approached. They had taken a last minute flight and was estimated to be here at Pen Bay before tomorrow morning. I looked out the large window that gave way to the breath taking view of the setting sun as it began to sink lower and lower in the sky.

"You been right here all this time, Nurse Swan?" Shawn suddenly asked, his sleepy tone causing me to turn around and meet his curious gaze.

"Yes, how are you feeling? Do you need me to get you a wheelchair to take you back to the NICU? Martha is asleep in there as well. I just called down and checked in on her and Clarissa a few minutes ago."

"No, No. I still got legs so I plan to use them for as long as I can. Any change in our Clarissa?" He asked, his voice full of trepidation yet hopeful.

"She is still stable, Mr. Dawson." I assured him, noticing how he paused there by Jacobs bedside and gave his hand a tight squeeze.

"You get better, son. I'll be back soon to stay with you some more. Right after I see how your little girl is tonight."

He thanked me for checking in on his wife while he slept and wrapped me in a hug then, before promising to return later and heading down the hall toward the elevator. I watched him go and slowly sat down in his abandoned chair, my head resting on the edge of Jacobs bedside and my hand tentatively reaching for his. My eyes were only closed for a few brief minutes before I felt his fingers move. I slowly raised my head to see his hand twitch toward mine, his index finger sliding slightly under my own, and making my breath hitch at the sight of it.

"Jacob."

I barely got his name out before the heart monitors alarm sounded and his rhythm flatlined. I called the code and heard the rushing of pounding feet all headed our way, as I pushed the chair back and started CPR.

"What the hell happened!" Dr. Niles yelled, as he came charging into the room.

"I don't know! He was stable!" I cried back to him, my hands pushing hard against Jacobs firm chest.

"Push the Epi!"

"No! Wait!" I yelled, my tone startling the Dr. and the three other nurses assisting him. "Check his breath sounds again! He has a clavicle fracture! Could be a tension pneumothorax! Hold off on the Epi!"

"Nurse Swan! We are wasting time! Push the Epi!" He demanded.

I cussed aloud when the nurse to my right did as he told her to and pushed the first round. I watched the line on the monitor drag on for seconds more before there was a change and Jacobs heart started to beat again.

I saw the other nurses hesitate in doing anything further and I soon locked eyes with Anna, her wide gaze going from me to Dr. Niles several times before she ran to my side and took over chest compressions. I hurriedly pulled the stethoscope from around my neck and placed it on Jacob, my ears straining to hear how his chest expansion was dramatically decreased on the left side. His lung was collapsed.

"He has air in the pleural space! It's a pneumothorax! He needs another chest tube or decompression!"

The nurses all stood there appearing to be frozen and I shoved past them, quickly snatching the kit from the medical drawer and tearing it open.

"Don't just stand there! You heard her! Set up the tray!"

At his order, everyone got their asses in gear and I saw Dr. Niles begin the needle decompression to Jacobs chest and within seconds, his rhythm was back to being steady.

"Good Catch, Nurse Swan. Don't be afraid to speak up. You're part of this team and we're lucky to have you." Dr. Niles commended before leaving the room. "Check his vitals every twenty- minutes. We need to keep a close eye on him. He is far from out of the woods."

I let out a breath and when the whole room was clear, I went to Jacobs side and retook his hand.

"I'll stay in the woods with you, Jacob. I'm not going anywhere."

**A/N: Thanks for reading and please leave a review :-) I'll post another chapter tonight! Look for the update!**


	6. Chapter 6

**CHAPTER SIX**

**(BPOV)**

Jacobs vitals remained stable for the rest of the night and when I could no longer fight sleeps steady pull, I curled up in the wooden chair next to him and dozed off. It wasn't until some time later when I felt the gentle shake and heard my name being whispered by a familiar voice.

"Bella, wake up. It's almost time for your shift to start and there's some men here at the nurses station insisting to see you."

I stumbled out of the hard chair, nearly tripping as I reached for my phone and noticed the dozen plus calls and texts I had missed from Charlie.

"Oh, shit. I didn't mean to sleep this long! What time is it?" I groggily asked.

Anna handed me a fresh coffee and a bag with a faint smile in response then, her understanding eyes meeting mine with her reply.

"It's almost six in the morning. You've been asleep in here for nearly five hours now. I ran home and got some things from my place I thought you could use. There's a clean pair of scrubs and an extra toothbrush in there, too. I thought maybe you would want to freshen up a bit before you start your next shift this morning?"

"Thank you, Anna. I really appreciate that." I replied, as I reached out and gave her a hug for her sweet gesture.

"The men at the desk claim to be your father, Charlie and another man named Billy Black?"

"Yes, it's true. Charlie is my dad and Billy is Jacobs father."

"I'll let them know that you'll be coming right down to greet them. They've been very patient."

"Thank you, I'll go wash up and change. Please tell them I'm so sorry for the wait."

I rushed down the hall into the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth, before I slipped into the clean set of scrubs Anna had graciously packed for me. I pulled the elastic out of my tangled hair and began to rake through the many knots, my eyes clearly showing my weariness as I stared back at my reflection in the mirror with a shudder.

I flipped my head into the sink, soaking my thick strands and quickly weaving them into a tight braid that hung loosely over my right shoulder. I patted my cheeks, trying to give them some color and reached for my coffee, as I clipped my I.D. badge to my scrub top and headed back out into the bustling hallway.

I hadn't seen my father face to face in five years and it had been even longer since I'd seen Billy, but when I caught sight of them anxiously waiting by the nurses station, that no longer mattered. Charlie had his uniform on, and his hand on Billy's shoulder as the two of them looked around with nervous glares.

I swallowed hard against the emotion steadily building in my throat when I saw him turn his head my way, his brown eyes lighting up with relief and joy when he saw me, despite where he was right now. He nudged into Billy and pointed toward me and when Billy turned his chair in my direction, my walking pace turned into a jog.

Charlie stepped forward, his arms opening wide for me as I ran into them.

"Dad..."

"We're here, kiddo. I've missed you so much."

"I missed you, too." I admitted, hugging him tightly and realizing just how much I truly had missed him.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I will be." I replied, reluctantly releasing him and kneeling down to take hold of a tearful Billy.

"I'm so sorry, Billy. I wish we could have done more for Lilly and that there was more I could do or say-..."

"I know you've done all you can already and there's no one else in the world that I'd want looking after my son and his family right now."

I wiped the lone tear that rolled down my cheek from his warm words to me and placed a kiss to the top of his hand.

"He's going to be okay, Billy. Come with me and I'll take you to him first. Clarissa is still in the NICU this morning but her vitals are good. She's a strong little one. That's for sure."

"Are Shawn and Martha still here? What about Lillians parents?" Her tearfully inquired, gripping tight to my hand as we headed toward Jacobs room.

"Mr. and Mrs. Dawson are still with Clarissa. They know you're coming. I'll let them know you're here now."

"I can't believe this happened. I can't believe she's gone. She was the sweetest woman and the best mother. Jacob loved her so much. I don't know what he'll do without her. The two of them were just getting started in life." Billy sighed.

"We'll get him through it, Billy. We'll all be there for him and Clarissa. Like a family." Charlie replied, patting his shoulder when I paused outside Jacobs door.

"Remember, Jacob is strong, Billy. He's hooked up to a lot right now, but I promise you that it's far less scary than it looks."

Billy nodded and urgently wheeled himself forward then when Jacob came into view. Charlie was right by his side and I took hold of my fathers hand when I saw the tears that began to well up in his gaze.

"Jacob, I'm here now, son."

Charlie wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me in close to his side as he fought against the emotion he so rarely ever showed at the sight of Billy reaching out for Jacob.

"He needed surgery and some of his injuries were severe, Billy. Dr. Niles and his team were the ones who worked on him. He had to have half of his left kidney removed, but he can heal just fine without it." I explained, seeing the worried expression that plagued Billy's face as he held onto Jacobs hand.

"His leg is broken?"

"Yes, he has a fracture in three places and he'll need physical therapy for it to regain the movement once it's fully healed." I replied, moving in closer to him as he placed a hand over his face and began to weep, his shoulders shuddering with his emotion now. I wrapped my arms around him and Charlie hunkered down in front of his chair, his words of encouragement making Billy look up.

"You raised a strong boy, Billy. He will make it through this. He's going to be okay. We have to focus on that and on Clarissa right now and we have to believe in what we already know to be true. That Jacob has a family waiting for him when he wakes up and that we'll be there to support and love him. It will be hard, but he will make it."

Billy nodded and Charlie patted him once more on the shoulder before he looked up at me.

"You're dad is right, Bella. We'll get him through it- somehow. Thank you so much for taking care of him like you have. If I know you, and I think I still do, I'm sure you haven't left this hospital once since they were brought in?"

I simply nodded to him as he reached for my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"Is it okay if we stay in here with him for a while?" Charlie hedged, placing a hand on Jacobs forearm and looking to me in alarm. "He feels warm, Bella. Too warm. Is he running a fever?"

Billy tightened his hand in mine and I saw the knowing look he now wore as he turned his attention back to his son.

"He's alright, Charlie. Like you said, he'll get through this with all of us by his side."

**A/N: Thanks for reading! Please review and tell me your thoughts :-) New Chapter tomorrow! Till then... HAPPY READING!**


	7. Chapter 7

**CHAPTER SEVEN**

**(BPOV)**

I stayed with Billy and Charlie as long as I could before returning to the ER. It was hard for me to leave, but I assured them both that I would be back sometime before my lunch to check in. Billy's color concerned me when I noticed how pale he'd become and I took it upon myself to get him something to eat before I left them sitting in Jacobs room.

"You really didn't have to do that, dear." Billy fussed as I set the tray of food on his lap.

"You need to eat and keep up your strength. You have to take care of yourself." I replied.

"She has a point there, Billy." Charlie added, with a pointed glare. "Jake and Clarissa will need you to be strong for them right now. Gotta eat something."

I headed out into the hall then, nearly colliding with Martha and Shawn as they rounded the corner.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" I exclaimed, seeing their tired smiles as they nodded to me in return. "I was just coming to see you in the NICU. Is everything okay with Clarissa still?"

"Yes, the doctor spoke to us this morning about the plan of care for her. They're going to try and remove the vent later on today to see if she can breathe on her own." Martha replied, holding tightly to Shawns arm as Billy wheeled up behind me.

"Shawn? Martha?"

"Oh, Billy!" Martha cried, throwing her arms around him with a tearful greeting. "Bella told us you made it in a few hours ago. We've been sitting with Clarissa. Praying for her."

"How is she?" Billy asked, his tone strained as he hugged her tight.

"She's a little fighter. Doctor says that if all goes well today, they want to remove the vent and hopefully she'll be able to breathe on her own again. Would you like to come sit with her for a while? With us? We'll take you to her. I'm sure she'd love to hear her grampy Billy's voice."

Billy slowly nodded and looked my way, his gaze filling with tears from Martha's comment.

"I'd love that."

"It's good to see you again, Billy. Though, I wish it was under better circumstances." Shawn offered, reaching out to firmly shake his hand.

"Me too, Shawn. Me too." Billy sadly countered.

"You should go with them to see Clarissa. I'll stay here and stay close to Jacob. Promise I'll have Bella come get you if anything changes with him while you're gone." Charlie added then, his sudden appearance beside me making me jump at his closeness now. I looked back to Mr. and Mrs. Dawson, as the confusion settled into their faces from Charlie's simple offer.

"Oh, you know Nurse Swan?" Shawn thoughtfully asked Billy, the two of them exchanging a confused glance before turning their attention back to me.

"You could say that. I've had the pleasure of watching her grow up with my son. From mud pies to graduation." Billy replied, the earnest pride in his voice making my eyes sting with tears, as I nodded and placed my hand on his shoulder.

Martha and Shawn stood there looking utterly lost as they peered past Charlie into Jacobs room.

"I'm sorry for the confusion. I- I was going to tell you when Jacob and Clarissa's condition improved. I never meant to be dishonest about it, but there are rules for conduct and patient confidentiality here that have to be followed. I hope you understand?"

"Understand what?" Mr. Dawson hedged. "You treated me for a fall and then-..."

I saw him struggle to continue on and felt Billy wheel forward to reach out for Shawns hand.

"I'm so sorry for the loss of your Lillian. She was so beautiful and my son loved her very much. They brought out the very best in each other. He was never as happy as he was when he was with your sweet grand daughter. She brought such light into all of our lives and she gave us the most precious gift of all... Clarissa."

"Thank you, Billy." Martha replied, through her tears. "We just can't believe that she's gone. We had to identify her body yesterday and I still can't reach her parents."

"If you need anything, anything at all, please know that I'm here to help. Lilly was part of our family and we treasured her back home." Billy kindly offered.

"That's very kind of you, Billy. You were always so great to Lilly. She spoke so highly of you and those on the reservation. Considered them all to be her family, too." Shawn softly stated in return.

"So, you say you've known Nurse Swan since she was just a small child? Such a small world we live in." Martha then added.

"Yes, I have. This here is my oldest and best friend Charlie Swan. He's the chief of police back in Washington and is Bella's father. The two of us go way back. I don't think I've ever had the privilege of introducing you before?" Billy replied, gesturing to my father who looked just as confused as they did right about now.

"You grew up close to Jacob and his father, Nurse Swan? I had no idea." Shawn asked, his blue eyes meeting mine as he tried to understand what Billy was saying.

"Yes, yes I did." I admitted, feeling the rush of heat settle into my pale cheeks with a vivid blush as Charlie put his arm around me.

"Jacob and Bella grew up in Washington together. You see, her mother and I separated when she was very young and we shared our time with her. She stayed with me mainly during the Summer months and the two of them were inseparable as kids. That was a long time ago though." He carefully explained, seeing their confused gazes begin to change from his words now.

Martha took hold of me suddenly, her tight and unexpected embrace catching me off guard there in the hall.

"Thank you for caring for our Lillian they way you did. After she was gone. You have the purest heart and it meant the world to us when we saw her. When we said our last goodbye to her. She looked so peaceful. So at rest. We wouldn't want her to be laid to rest any other way."

I blinked and felt the tears begin to drip down my cheeks from her sincere words to me.

"You're welcome. I only wish I could have done more to save her." I tearfully admitted, clinging to her tired frame and seeing the emotion that flickered across Charlie's face at the sight of our embrace.

"You've been a real angel to us during this difficult time, you know? I hope you never lose that about yourself in this job. I'm sure it's easy to do, but I pray you never ever change." She replied, leaning back and wiping my tears in the grandmotherly fashion that made me miss my own gran.

"I won't. I promise."

Mr. Dawson soon gestured for Billy to join them as they headed back for the NICU to spend more time with Clarissa and I offered to escort him there. The long walk was filled with silence from Shawn as Billy and Martha chatted amongst themselves about the improvement that she was already showing and it was music to my ears to hear. I silently prayed that things would only go up from here for her.

One miracle down…

One more to go...

When we stopped just outside the NICU, Billy reached his hand back and placed it over mine, his breathing labored and his words full of fear.

"I just need a minute. I'll be right behind you." He offered to Martha and Shawn as they headed in first.

I came around the side of Billy's chair and drew close to him when I took in his ghostly color and trembling hands.

"Billy?"

"I don't think I can do this." He gasped, his chest heaving as he looked into the NICU with eyes widened in alarm. "I can't see her like that. Looking so broken and so helpless. Jacob used to bring her over to the house every Saturday morning for breakfast. It was becoming a little tradition of ours lately. He'd stay till the afternoon came. Said it was the only time that Lillian ever got to herself and he wanted to give her that reprieve. I'd grown used to it. I look forward to it. To having Sue whip up pancakes and waffles, and to hearing Jake vent out some of his frustrations from work that week. I'll admit, most of the time I listened, but there were many other times, I'd just look at sweet Clarissa. See how she'd changed recently and hold her in my lap."

I crouched down in front of him and tried to get him to calm down, though my attempts seemed futile right now.

"It's alright, Billy. It's normal to be afraid. Everyone in there is feeling the same kind of worry and fear."

"I am afraid." He truthfully admitted in a choked gasp to me, his hand clutching at his chest. "I'm afraid of going in there and seeing her hooked up to all those machines and that being the very last image I have of her. If something happens. If- If she doesn't make it- and-..."

My heart shattered at the sound of his panic and reached out for his hands, securely holding them in mine with my reply. "Take a few deep breaths for me, Billy. It's going to be okay. Clarissa is strong like her father and she is making great progress in her recovery. You have every reason to place hope in that progress. I can go in with you, if you'd like me to?"

His head lifted and his dark eyes met mind with sincere relief in them upon hearing this.

"You wouldn't mind?"

"Of course not. Come on. I bet she's been waiting to hear your warm voice." I replied, gripping the back of his chair and slowly wheeling him inside.

We stayed in there with her for nearly an hour, everyone shedding their fair share of tears, including myself, as they all took turns talking to her and praying for her. I chose to keep my distance out of respect and to give them the time and space they needed to spend with her right now, but every couple of minutes, Billy's knowing gaze would meet mine from across the room and it made me realize just how hard being in here was for him.

He'd lost a lot in his life already. He and Jacob both had, but somehow, they had made it through with each other. Always being there when the other needed something. They'd beat the odds of this unfair world before and I had all the faith I could muster in them now to do the very same once Jacob came to.

He wasn't alone and he never would be. He had his father, his little girl, Charlie and the pack. They would all be at his side and with a lot of time and love, I could only hope that he would heal from more than just his physical injuries.

When Billy was ready to leave the NICU, I wheeled him back down the narrow hall and headed for the elevator, my steps slow as I pondered what the next few days would bring. The elevator was empty and as the steel doors closed, Billy turned his head my way and began with the questions I knew he'd been waiting to ask me since he arrived with Charlie hours ago.

"How long has his fever been back?"

"A few hours into his recovery. I've kept him on a steady morphine drip."

"-but his body burns it off faster than it can give him any real relief?"

"Yes, I've kept on top of it." I replied, glancing down at my badge and recalling all the times I'd swiped another bag of morphine from the med room.

"Thank you so much, Bella. For being by his side like you were before I got here. I can't tell you just how thankful I am to you for that."

"I would do it again and I know he would have done the same for me." I softly countered, hearing the ding from the elevator when we arrived back on the recovery floor.

"Yes, he sure would have. Time and distance could never change that for either of you. I want you to know he's proud of you, Bella. Has been since you left for Maine. You followed your dream and we're all damn proud of you for having the guts to do it. Charlie was worried for you, but looks like you proved him wrong. You had what it took and more."

I sucked in a sharp breath and tried to swallow as I met his gaze again.

"Thank you, Billy. I'm proud of Jacob, too. I always will be."

The doors parted and we stepped out just as Charlie came running for us, the look on his face making me instantly release Billy's chair and meet him.

"Dad-...what-"

"He's waking up! J-Jacob is moving! The doctor is in with him right now. I was coming to get you! Come on!"

Charlie hurriedly pushed Billy toward Jacobs room and I ran after them, my hands already pulling the stethoscope from around my neck and preparing for the worst as we all piled into the room to see Dr. Niles trying to calm Jacob down. He was not only awake, he was fighting the ventilator.

Billy spoke first, the mere sound of his voice causing Jacob to harshly rip out his IV.

"Son..."

Blood ran down his arm as he continued to thrash.

I pushed Charlie hastily aside when Dr. Niles ordered for him to be sedated.

"Anna, push five of Lorazepam. Now! He's going to tear open his stitches. Mr. Black, just try to relax. We'll get that vent out."

Anna took hold of the syringe and tried to do as Dr. Niles had ordered, but Jacob stopped her. His hand catching hers before the needle could even graze his skin.

The syringe snapped in half in Jacobs forceful grip and soon fell to the floor as Anna stepped back from him, her eyes going wide when I ran forward and ignored Dr. Niles warning.

"Nurse Swan, don't! He could hurt you-"

Jacobs dark eyes locked on mine, as I placed myself in front of Anna and his whole body went still then. I moved closer to him and slowly reached for his arm where the blood continued to drip. When he didn't flinch away from me, I went to him, seeing the helpless fear and panic in his gaze as it held my own. I took another few timid steps forward and gasped when his hand swiftly caught mine and held onto it, his eyes steadily holding my own as he tried to breathe around the vent.

"Jacob, you're okay. It's okay." I whispered, sitting down on the edge of his bed and trying to ease his panic. "We're going to remove the ventilator. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

He nodded once as Dr. Niles came around to us and gave him instructions on how the removal would go.

"Alright, Mr. Black. When I say, take a breath in and then blow out."

Jacob looked to me and I nodded to him, feeling his grip on my hand tighten as he reluctantly did what Dr. Niles told him to. Within seconds, the vent was gone and he coughed, trying to speak but his throat was too dry.

I got up to get him some water, but he caught my hand again before I could get far and wouldn't let go of it, the sight of the lone tear that slid down his cheek making my own return when I asked Anna to get him some water.

Both of my prayers had been answered today. We got both miracles.

**A/N: Thanks for reading and please feel free to review. Love hearing from all of you. Till Then... HAPPY READING.**


	8. Chapter 8

**CHAPTER EIGHT**

**(BPOV)**

No one even dared to move as Charlie reached out and took hold of the glass of water for Jacob from nurse Anna, his eyes glossy and holding mine when my father timidly held the cup out to him. His face was a mix of emotions as he looked around the room. Angry, fearful, and ready to run at any second.

"Here, son. Take a drink. Maybe it will help you? Take it easy."

Jacob flinched away from him briefly before I took the cup from Charlie and passed it along to him, and with a trembling hand, he downed the glass and tried again to speak, but his voice was barely audible and it frustrated him.

"It's okay. It's normal to experience some irritation to your vocal cords from the vent. It won't last long. Your voice will come back. I promise. Just needs some time is all. Nod if you understand me? If you can follow what I'm saying?" I softly stated.

He complied with a single nod then as I continued, seeing Dr. Niles gaze now narrowed toward me in curiosity.

"Do you know where you are? Why you're here?"

Jacob looked around, his eyes landing on Billy as he slowly shook his head to me.

"You're at Pen Bay Medical Center, Jacob. Do you remember anything? Anything at all?"

I watched him try to get up at this and huff out in agitation when I tried to stop him. He leaned forward, his face awash with panic and desperation as he stared at me with a pleading gaze. The sight of his panic making me look toward Dr. Niles in alarm.

"Can you feel your legs at all Mr. Black? Any kind of sensation in either one of them?" The Doctor questioned, gesturing for Jacob to move them and doing a common reflex test at the bottom of his left foot when he didn't respond. "Got a positive Babinski here."

I felt the blood drain from my face as I stared back at Dr. Niles, my head shaking to him in dispute when I reached for the small wooden reflex tool in his hand and tried it again myself. To my horror, his assessment wasn't wrong the first time.

My head spun as I heard Billy's gasp from across the room.

"No-... No...- it can't be. That's not possible!"

"Let's not panic just yet. It could be a delayed reaction of some kind from the trauma of the accident. The feeling in his legs could come back. I've seen it before but he'll need an MRI to be sure of just what we're dealing with here." Dr. Niles soon clarified before handing Jacobs chart off to Anna and attempting to do a more thorough physical exam on Jacob. "Follow the light with your eyes for me."

Jacob immediately tensed, his jaw flexing as he gritted his teeth while moving away from the doctor, his gaze set on me as I stood close by.

"It's alright, son. You're safe now. The Doctor only wants to help you." Billy sighed, wheeling himself closer and placing a hand on Jacobs arm. This seemed to be enough to calm him down temporarily, but when Anna tried to place the head thermometer to his temple, he pushed harshly away from her and she froze there in response.

I reached out for it and tucked it away in my scrubs pocket with a slight shake of my head to her, and although I could see the clear confusion in her gaze, she simply chose not to push the issue any further for the time being and I was grateful to her for letting it go right now. I would come up with something later. Think of some kind of cover up to appease her curiosity.

"His body still needs time to heal. I'm sorry to ask this, but I'm going to have to request that you all leave and give him some peace. You can come back later on, before visiting hours are over this evening. It's truly what's best for our patient. I'll order that MRI and get some results as soon as we have you scheduled for one, Mr. Black." Dr. Niles asserted, as he scribbled down some additional notes and headed for the door, gesturing for us to follow.

Charlie and Billy slowly turned and I could see the tears that welled in Billy's eyes as they left the room with Anna close behind them.

"I'll check his vitals and call down to schedule that MRI for you, Dr. Niles." I quickly offered, seeing his nod of understanding in return as he closed the door and left us alone. I took Jacobs blood pressure and waited for them to be far enough down the hall, before dropping the act and removing the cuff from his arm. He cleared his throat and let out another exasperated sigh as he looked up and met my gaze.

I reached in my pocket then and swiftly dug out the small notepad and pen that I always kept with me during my shift, my own hands beginning to shake when I passed them to him.

"Here...-" I whispered.

He eagerly took it from me and began to write as I sat down on the bed next to him, my eyes trying to follow what he was hurriedly scribbling on the blank page.

_I do remember. I remember everything. Lillian? Clarissa? Where are they? Are they okay?_

I took the notepad back from him and looked away, my gaze adverting his own in an attempt to hide my own emotion from his questions, because I knew with just one look, he would be able to see it all there in my face.

"Clarissa is in the NICU, Jacob. She had a rough night but she is stable now. Her vitals are good. She's a real fighter and she's not alone. Shawn and Martha have been in there with her. Billy and Charlie, too. They haven't left her side. She is in great hands here. I promise you."

I spoke this while looking at the notepad, my refusal to look at him causing him to sit upright and lean himself forward as he took the pad of paper from me and wrote the name and message again.

_Lillian? Where is she?_

I blinked back the tears, focusing on the sight of the name and how his hands shook when he passed the paper back to me. I couldn't form words to him, though I tried and when I didn't answer him, his warm fingertips soon tucked under my chin and lifted my head, forcing me to meet his darkened gaze.

The two of us sat there in complete silence staring at each other, my tears welling up and spilling down my cheeks to match his own, as he read it all in my gaze. Just like I knew he would.

**A/N: Thank you for reading and please leave a review with your thoughts for this updated chapter. Shorter update tonight, but look for another tomorrow... maybe even two! Till Next Time.**


	9. Chapter 9

**CHAPTER NINE**

**(BPOV)**

I was lost in his own anguish as he continued to peer into my eyes, his tears falling when he blinked and dropped his hand away from my chin. Minutes passed and I simply sat there with him, debating on whether or not my words would bring him any kind of comfort and solace or only cause him more pain in the end. I softly voiced them anyway.

"Jacob, I'm so sorry. We...-we tried. We really did." I carefully began, my own emotion making it hard for me to speak. "...but her injuries were so extensive. She was brought in to us first and we did everything we could for her-..."

I paused when he looked away from me then, his eyes now fixed on his wedding ring when I continued.

"I didn't know who she was at first... or- or that y-you were her husband, but when I saw them bringing you in after we lost her-…"

He slowly nodded and reached out for the paper again as I timidly placed it back in his hand.

_Can I see her? I need to see her._

"Yes, I can take you down to see her. Shawn and Martha have been there. They identified her and requested on your behalf that they not release her to the coroner yet. They wanted you to have that chance to be with her. They have her things, Jacob. Her possessions. I thought you'd like them with the Dawsons for safe keeping till you came to."

He nodded to me again as I stood to get him a wheelchair out in the hall where Billy was still sitting just outside the door. His red rimmed eyes met mine when I stepped out, and I gave him a hug before pushing the vacant chair back into the room.

"Did you tell him? Does he know?" Billy questioned when I started to close the door.

"I did." I tearfully replied. "He wants to see her, Billy. I'm taking him to her."

"I'll be waiting right here when you get back with him." He replied assuringly, his hand coming up to run across his tired face as he looked away.

Jacob sat on the edge of the bed, his gaze haunted when I approached him again.

"Your dad is right outside. If you want, I can have him come with us? I'm sure he wouldn't mind."

He shook his head in protest at the suggestion and motioned for me to bring the chair closer, his wince of pain evident when he tried to lean forward, and the sight of it making me move closer and wrap an arm under him.

"I know you're frustrated, but you have to take it easy. Can you feel anything in your legs? Any sensation coming back?" I softly asked.

To my relief, he nodded once and pointed toward the ground.

"That's a really good sign. That means it's proably temporary. We'll know more when you have the MRI in an hour. Try not to worry. You're not healing like you used to. That's a big part of this. Things are different now. It's going to take some more time."

Jacob looked my way, his tear filled gaze wandering over my face with his silent reply then.

"Yeah, I know you're not phasing, but you're elevated temp tells me something else." I added, carefully guiding him into the chair. He resisted my hold at first, in an attempt to not put anymore of his weight on me than he had to. "It's okay to lean on me. I'm not gonna break. I promise."

After a little more coaxing, he drew in a deep breath and leaned himself into my side with one hand still tightly clutched to the wheel chairs handle for support. He used his upper body strength to position himself in the seat and I paused then, thinking back to all the times I'd seen him help Billy into his chair years ago. He knew how this went. He was practically a damn pro at it.

I put down the foot rests and placed his feet in them, my hand gripping his lower right leg when he reached out and stopped me, his nervous expression causing my movements to still there as I peered up into his heartbroken face.

"You can feel my hand there, can't you?" I hedged, seeing him nod in affirmation as he gestured to his throat. He was clearly irritated with the game of charades that we'd been reduced to playing until his voice returned. "I know it sucks, but it will come back. Trust me."

He met my gaze and mouthed the words "I do," as we headed down the hallway and into the elevator. I felt the floors beginning to drop and I struggled to keep my head about me when we reached the right level for where the morgue was located. The strong smell of hospital antiseptic was hard to ignore and made my nose sting. I had always avoided this place like the plague, for reasons of my own that even having a job such as this couldn't cure, but I ignored the stomach churning panic that always filled me whenever I was required to be down here and determinedly kept my focus on Jacob, because none of the other stuff mattered right now. All that mattered in this moment was Jacobs grief. My discomfort was insignificant. I swallowed hard and halted my steps when one of the dieners approached us. Colleen was young and somehow always smiling despite her daily job in here. She never showed any sign of melancholy, even though she faced death every waking hour of the day while she was clocked in at Pen Bay. I marveled at her smile she offered whenever she greeted one of us and I kindly returned it to her.

"Hello, Nurse Swan. How are you today?"

"I am fine, thanks Colleen. Did Dr. Niles let you know we were coming? I assume he did?"

"Yes, he did. He sent the call down a few minutes ago and told me to expect you soon. Said it had been cleared on the recovery floor."

"That's right."

"Is this Mr. Black?" She asked, her mood becoming more somber when she let her hazel eyes fall to Jacob who couldn't bring himself to look at her.

"Yes it is." I replied, seeing her quickly jot down some notes in the large file she had clutched in her hands, before gesturing for us to follow her.

"Come with me."

I heard the choking gasp come from Jacob when we made our way through the morgue, and caught sight of Mr. and Mrs. Dawson. I placed a comforting hand on his shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze and he reached blindly back for me, his hold tight on my hand as we stilled there.

It wasn't long before I heard the familiar voice come from Mr. Dawson who was holding onto his wife at Lillian's side just ahead. I'd witnessed a scene like this very one at lease a dozen times before in my line of work, but when a grieving Martha let go of her husband and threw her arms around Jacob, I couldn't hide the tears that clouded my vision or look away from them.

"Oh, Jacob. I'm so sorry!"

I tried to step back and give them the space and privacy in this moment they needed, but Jacob refused to release my hand, and I stayed behind him as Shawn reached out to hug them both.

"You were the very best thing that ever happened to our Lilly. You and Clarissa were the best parts of her young life, Jacob. She loved you both so much. You showed her what true love was." Shawn tearfully told him. "We could never thank you enough for that."

"... and you brought her smile back. That smile we never thought we would see again. We owe that to you. You took good care of her, Jacob. She was so proud to be your wife. Don't you ever forget that." Martha added through her sobs, her trembling hands coming to lovingly cradle Jacobs face, "You were always like a son to us and you always will be."

Colleen and I shared a remorseful glance then, before she slowly approached Lillian's lifeless body that was laid out on the table before her. She gingerly tucked the white hospital sheet in around her pale form and folded her hands over her chest, as Jacob released my hand and went to her.

I watched him struggle to stand on weak legs and stifled a gasp when he pulled himself up out of the chair and took hold of Lilly, his arms hauling her up and holding her close to him.

An hour ago, he could hardly move or walk...

He was beginning to heal from his injuries but that did so little for the rest of his pain right now and I shuttered when I heard the sobs that tore through him, his face burying into Lillians long hair when he spoke then for the first time since the accident.

"I'm sorry, Lilly. I'm so sorry."

His grief wrapped itself around each of us as we stood there hearing his cries and watching him desperately trying to cling to her, like if he could just hold her tight enough or long enough, she would come back to him and all of this would be a horrible nightmare instead of his reality.

I shook as the minutes passed by, my heart shattering in my chest with every cry I heard from the three of them, as they said goodbye to their beautiful Lillian for the last time.

Colleen was kind, understanding and patient with them and when Dr. Niles paged me for Jacobs MRI, I wanted to ignore it, wanted to give him as much time as he needed with her. I didn't budge as the pager continued to vibrate on my hip, the sound of it causing Jacob to look up and hold my gaze briefly.

His dark eyes were bloodshot and reddened from his tears and I quickly wiped away my own before silencing the second page from Dr. Niles.

I knew he no longer needed the MRI at this point, but no one else besides Billy would be able to comprehend how he miraculously went from being unable to feel his legs this morning, to standing on them now and even attempting to walk without much of a limp. The three fractures in his left leg were starting to mend, I could tell by the way he stood when he slowly laid Lillian back down on the table, and kissed her cheek once more before starting my way. His final whispered words to her made it hard for me to keep my composure.

"You can rest now, sweetheart. I'll take care of our baby girl."

He stumbled into the wheelchair as Shawn reached for him, his parting words settling over us both when he spoke them.

"Jacob, you will always be family to us. That won't ever change. Please know that."

"Thank you, Shawn. I love you both." He replied, his tone raspy and strained.

"We're going to begin making the arrangements for Lillian today. We want you included with everything. When you've had some rest, we'll come by your room and talk over some of the details. Don't you worry about the cost. We will take care of it, Jacob."

We followed them out of the morgue and when we reached the Radiology floor, I explained to him how the test would go.

"You're scheduled with Dr. Fields in Radiology. It's just around this next corner straight up ahead. He's great and knows what he's doing."

"I don't need it." He hoarsely replied.

"I know, but since it's already scheduled, lets better be safe than sorry? It's an in and out thing. Won't take too long." I assured him, but the closer we got to the corner, the worse his breathing became. His hands soon harshly gripped the wheels on either side of him, bringing the chair to an abrupt and forceful stop as he tried to stand up again, but this time, his legs seemed to fail him.

"Can we just- I-I need-... some air- or- something- I-I can't breathe in here." He ground out, his face paling as he gripped his chest and let out another gasp. I stopped there in the middle of the hall, seeing the distraught panic now etched into his face and his emotion return with a vengeance. "I can't-... how am I supposed to do this!? I can't leave her in there. I don't want her to be alone. I don't know what to do. Tell me what to do."

He was falling apart.

These were the kind of waves that grief could come in, and out of all the times I'd seen it here, I had never felt as truly helpless as I did right now.

I placed myself in front of him and tried to get him to take a few deep breaths for me, but he couldn't. His chest heaved with every labored one he took.

"Jacob-"

"I should have seen it coming. We'd been on the road too long and I didn't react fast enough and now she's gone."

He tried to move, tried to stand again but his grief overtook him and before I could react, his tremors started.

"Jake- look at me." I pleaded, but it didn't register. It was as if he could no longer hear me. I moved forward in a rush, fearing that if he didn't calm down, he would phase right here on the radiology floor, and everyone around would bare witness to it. He already had enough to deal with without adding that chaos and headache to the mix. I stared helplessly into his wide and haunted eyes, and said the one thing I knew would be enough to calm some of the torment that was swirling unrestrained in his thoughts right now.

"Let's go see your Clarissa. She's been waiting for you all this time and she needs to hear your voice, Jacob. Needs to know you're still with her."

Within seconds, his tremors began to settle and his breathing evened out as I took him by the hand and help to guide him back down in the chair.

"Y-you'll take me to her, Bells?"

"Yes."

My eyes stung and my breath hitched when he uttered this, the familiar sound of my nickname making me retake his hand as we headed for the NICU. He needed to see her for himself. To hold her and know she was okay. That she had made it out of that crash as the little miracle she was. The miracle they both were.

**A/N: Thanks for taking the time to read this update and thank you for all the wonderful reviews. Look for another chapter tomorrow. Till then! :-)**


	10. Chapter 10

**CHAPTER TEN**

**(BPOV)**

Jacob remained silent as I pushed him down the hall, his hand still holding tightly to mine and his tremors now gone. He was having a hard time even being in his own skin and when we were half way to the NICU, Jacob could no longer sit still. He asked me to stop so he could walk the rest of the way, despite my advice not to, and chose to get out of the chair anyway.

"I just can't sit in that damn chair any longer. I'm sorry but I have to move." He stated, getting to his feet and reaching for my arm when he found his legs to be more unsteady than he thought. He winced and gritted his teeth against the pain as he took a step forward.

"Be careful." I cautioned, seeing his hands tremble as he stubbornly continued on.

"I know."

We made our way down the hall and when the sign for the NICU came in to sight, Jacob drew in a shaky breath and turned my way.

"Are you hurting? I tried to keep you on a steady drip of morphine, but your elevated temp made it next to impossible. You burn through it too fast. There's no time for the med to work." I nervously admitted, seeing his face fall in response and mentally kicking myself for even stating something so damn stupid right now. Of course he was hurting, he just held his wife for the last time. "I'm sorry. I- I didn't mean-..."

"Don't be sorry, Bells. I know what you meant. It's alright." He replied, as he pointed ahead to Charlie and Billy who were waiting there for us down the hall.

"We're almost there and you're doing great so far. Just a little ways to go." I replied, trying to be his small voice of encouragement while we took a few more steps.

"Can you do something for me? Please?"

"Name it." I replied, feeling his sudden hesitation as we drew closer to the NICU now.

"Tell me what I'm looking at when I go in there." He pleaded, his tone still hoarse and his gaze looming with the endless tears he'd been fighting since we'd left the morgue.

I stilled there next to him, keeping a good hold under his arm and seeing the fear that crossed his face when I went briefly silent.

"I'm not going to lie to you. She has a lot of machines hooked up to her, but they've been weening her off some of them since early this morning. She's made drastic improvements since they first took her in there. We have one of the best NICU teams around and she's been in excellent hands and care. I checked on her as often as I could and she's improving every time I see her. She truly is a miracle. So are you."

"The machines... they'll look worse than it really is? I need you to be honest with me. Even if its hard."

"I assure you that I am." I replied, steadily holding his anxious gaze as we took the final few steps that led us to Clarissa. "She really is healing, Jacob."

He let go of my arm when he spotted her and I stayed put where I stood, my eyes observing how his every move toward her was riddled with fear, like he were terrified that she would break if he got too close now or disappear altogether.

To my relief, I saw that she no longer needed the ventilator or the feeding tube and that her color was better than just a few hours ago when I had last checked in on her.

Billy wheeled himself up next to me with a heavy sigh as Charlie joined him there on the other side, the three of us all standing there as still as statues while Jacob reached out for her tiny hand.

"I'm here baby girl. Your daddy's right here."

I tugged on Charlie's arm and motioned for Billy to follow us back out into the hall so Jacob could have some time with Clarissa. The kind of time they both needed most right now.

"How is he doing?" Charlie worriedly asked, his brown eyes glancing back into the NICU through the large bay window and observing one of the nurses tending to Clarissa.

"He's managing. For now. But you and I both know that will only lasts so long. Grief like that is hard to maintain and I don't think he'll let himself really feel Lillians loss until he and Clarissa are back home."

"You're probably right." Charlie sorrowfully replied, looking over to Billy who kept his gaze on Jacob and Clarissa now.

"Has he eaten anything today? We have to stay on top of that." I reminded Charlie, my hand digging into the pocket of my scrubs and thrusting a twenty toward him. "Here, please take Billy to the cafeteria and let him rest and get a meal there. That goes for you, too. I'll stay here and be sure Jacob is alright to sit with Clarissa before I start on my triage cases for shift. I'll let you know if anything comes up in the meantime."

Charlie managed a nod to me in response and took hold of the money before steering Billy toward the busy cafeteria at the end of grant six. Neither one of them looked as if they'd slept more than a few fleeting hours here and there since they first arrived and I knew how damn hard that could be on Billy's health especially. I soon turned my attention back to Jacob and saw him kiss little Clarissa's hand, as I placed my fingertips to the cool viewing window and drew in a full breath for what felt like the first time in hours.

They were together and I didn't need any kind of MCAT to know the significance of what having them close to one another did for each of them. Numerous studies had been done to prove the importance of having a parent nearby for a recovering child and I could already see the color in her sweet face beginning to return even more so the longer Jacob talked to her.

She knew his voice and she responded to him almost instantly, her arms moving and her head turning his way, as she sleepily opened those rich chocolate eyes of hers to stare up at him.

I silently observed them until a page from the ER forced me to leave and sent me sprinting back to the main floor. It was a code gray and I knew all too well what that meant. I could feel the heavy adrenaline pumping through me as I took the stairs and heard the code come over the intercom again when I ran into the chaos.

**A/N: Thank you for reading this short update. Please review if you'd like and tell me your thoughts. Love to hear from you. New chapter tomorrow morning. Till then :-)**


	11. Chapter 11

**CHAPTER ELEVEN**

**(BPOV)**

My eyes went wide at the scene unfolding before me when I ran in through the double doors and past Jon and Roman, who were busy trying to restrain the two burly young men in a fist fight by the nurses station.

Callie and Tina were yelling at them to break it up, all the while still trying to make their way into the only free exam room remaining.

"Get the hell out of the way! Your friend here is bleeding out!"

I moved forward, shoving past Roman and gloving up to help Callie get the young boy with a GSW to his right chest into the room before he lost anymore blood.

"Who you talking to bitch! Shut the hell up!" One man angrily shouted at her, earning himself a glare from me, as I moved around him and took hold of the stretcher.

"GSW on main street. Accidental shooting. Mother and two younger siblings are on the way here now. They were following us. Should be running in here anytime."

"Let's get him into trauma one." I replied.

The boy looked up at me then, his scared face making me move faster with Callie into the room and begin taking his vitals. Dr. Niles soon rushed in behind us and hurriedly assessed the boy. Within seconds, the trauma bay was filled with our team members and the chaos grew to new heights.

"Somebody get me some bags of normal saline and fast! We have no exit wound."

I swiftly fetched Dr. Niles the bags he asked for and handed them over to our eight year veteran trauma nurse, Hunter Lewis. He was more often than not scheduled to work the longer day shifts at Pen Bay Medical, and he was the on point person in the room who stood next to Dr. Niles and worked tirelessly over every patient that came in through these doors. He was well known for his thoroughness, his care, and his bedside manor. He had a way of easing the patients fears and keeping them calm under such circumstances. In the next few seconds, I found the access points for the needed IV and blood transfusion and heard Hunter ask the terrified boy the rehearsed question he always started out with.

"What's your name? Can you tell me?"

The boy peered up at him with tears in his eyes and quietly answered, as I hung another bag of saline and took his blood pressure.

"Daniel. My name is Daniel."

"Okay, Daniel, we're going to take real good care of you, alright? You're in the right place. Just try to relax for me. Can you tell me your birthday? Where you go to school?" Hunter continued, his tone even and calming despite the sound of the beeping machines all around us.

"My birthday is in January. I'll be fourteen."

"Fourteen! That's a big age! What do you want for your Birthday?"

The conversation proved to distract the boy enough to take his mind off of the madness in here, and I gave Hunter a slight nod when his blood pressure slowly began to stabilize, as Dr. Niles gave us all a briefing.

"Alright, we've got a level one here people. Let's get him up to the OR for surgery. We need to get that bullet out."

I reached over for the black phone that hung on the wall and placed the familiar call to the surgical floor, my words quick and clear.

"This is nurse Swan from trauma room one, we have a level one that needs to go."

"We're going to be taking him straight up to the operating room. OR nine." Dr. Niles called out, as he wheeled the critical patient toward the hall with the half a dozen other trauma nurses circling the blood soaked stretcher with him.

I slowly pushed open the exam room doors, as I tore the crimson gloves off my hands, along with the thin paper mask over my mouth, and tossed them both in the hallway trash bin. That's when all hell broke loose, the sound of glass shattering now forcing me to look up and see Roman as he came barreling through the trauma bay window.

Callie's warning reached me first when she shouted for me to move and before I could blink or even react, Roman was reaching for his side arm, and plowing forward into the man who was trying to cut him with a shard of glass from the shattered window that lay scattered at our feet.

"I'm gonna kill you! All of you! You're not taking me to jail! I won't be locked up!" He raged at him, the two of them scuffling as the young man tried to take the gun from Roman.

I froze when I heard the voice then. The familiar angered tone of it registering somewhere in the far hallows of the back of my mind when my tired eyes took in his face.

This was why the code gray had been originally called. The first fight I'd come across had been a mere coincidence of the incoming GSW and had nothing to do with the initial threat.

I couldn't move a muscle at the sight of them thrashing around there in the hall, the background noise from Tina and Callie sounding suddenly far away and muffled, as I locked eyes once again with the nineteen year old who was responsible for taking the life of someone who was just getting her real happiness in this world. I didn't even know him, but I loathed him and it made my stomach violently churn at just the mere sight of him.

The pointed shard of glass in his hand began to drip with red as he gripped it tight, digging it's sharp edge into his palm when he swung it back and forth at Roman, his taunting words to him loud and hostile.

"Don't you come near me! I will kill you!"

"You got nowhere to go, Garrison. There's a team of police in route as we speak. What do you think you're gonna do!? Give it up! This won't end well for you." Roman shouted, as he looked my way and silently motioned for me to stay put.

"...or it won't end well for you-" Garrison irately countered, his move catching Roman off guard when he lunged forward, and punched him before ripping the gun out of his belt. I felt the breath leave my body when I watched him raise the loaded weapon and point it at Romans chest.

In an instant, the situation changed and I saw Jon pull his gun from it's holder and point it back at Garrison, his words lethal and laced with a threat I knew he would carry out if provoked.

"You try to pull that trigger and shoot my partner and I will drop you right where you stand. I won't think twice and I don't ever miss kid. Put the gun down and back away. Now!"

My heart was beating so fast and so hard that I could hear it in my ears.

"You'd be doing me a favor." Garrison darkly laughed, his finger now laying against the trigger while I thought of how young Roman was. He was barely my age and with a wife and small children waiting for him each night back at home. I'd seen them in here almost every week since I began working for the hospital, and it always made me smile when she would bring him lunch, and let the kids see their father for a brief twenty minutes during his twelve hour plus shift. He adored her, talked about how she had saved him from a life of drugs and alcohol when he was headed down a dark path fresh out of high school. They'd met in College and the rest was history as he would say.

I inwardly cringed at the thought of his wife getting a call that told her he'd been shot today, at how Garrisons actions could devastate yet another family this week.

"Put that gun down." Callie soon warned, her slow steps toward him seeming to only piss him off further.

"Back up! Stay away from me!"

I saw Callie's face go red from her anger then, as she stole a quick glance my way and stood boldly in front of him.

"You already killed someone! Do you really want to take the life of another! I saw her! I helped pull her out of that car!"

"Shut up!" Garrison yelled, but Callie had never been one to listen.

"Did you know she was only twenty-four? Did you know she had a six month old who has to grow up without her!"

"I said shut up!" Garrison shouted and swiftly turned the gun on her, giving Roman the right break he was looking for and he took it. Jon kept his weapon aimed and ready as Roman jumped to his feet, and grabbed Garrison from behind. I heard the shot ring out as the gun misfired and saw Callie drop with a shrilling scream. I moved forward on instinct, rushing toward her as she clutched her leg. Blood poured hastily through her fingertips in a steady flow, as she raised her head and met my horrified gaze. I ignored the warning that came from Jon in my desperation to get to her. There was no time for any other choice.

He'd hit a femoral artery with that bullet and Callie was going to bleed to death right there in front of me if I didn't help her, and there was no way I was going to let that happen. I'd seen enough loss in the last seventy- two hours and I was done with losing people.

Roman and Garrison were still fighting when I grabbed the gauze laying on the floor and pushed past them. I made it only a few steps forward before I got caught in the cross fire. I felt the sharp sting from Garrisons back handed hit and fell to the floor, my head spinning from the blow while I shook it off and hurriedly pressed down on Callie's gushing wound.

"You know how this goes. Don't move. You're gonna be okay." I whispered to her. She nodded to me in response then as I pulled off my scrub top, and wrapped it around her leg as tight as it would go, seeing the blood flow stem from the pressure I continued to apply there.

I shook as I heard the second gunshot ring out directly behind me, followed by more shouting from Jon as Garrison took hold of romans gun once more. He moved out around us, and started to raise it in my direction. I braced myself for what was coming while I held his angry gaze. Everything happened so fast then, my eyes struggled to even follow the movement as Garrison cocked the gun and took another step in my direction.

"Guess you can't save everybody. Too bad it has to-..." He began, but never got the chance to finish his cold statement, as someone forcefully knocked into him from the side and sent him down to the ground.

I gasped and my entire body went numb when my eyes landed on an irate Jacob, his fist connecting with Garrisons face once before he roughly hauled him to his feet like he were weightless.

"Jacob!" I yelled, but his concentration was unbroken and my shouting fell on deaf ears as he pinned him to the wall and held him there, his foot swiftly kicking the gun away from Garrisons reach and into Romans hands.

"Who are you-"

Jacob slammed him hard against the wall again, lifting him off his feet and placing them nose to nose with his words.

"Who am I?" Jacob angrily countered in mock question. "I'm the one who gets to bury his wife in two days because of you and I'm the one who's gonna be damn sure you get what you deserve. You don't get to opt out from this. You get to live, unlike my wife and the mother of my six month old who is still recovering in the NICU from the crash YOU CAUSED!"

I saw Jon timidly approach Jacob then, his stunned and disbelieving gaze going to me as I shook my head to him in warning.

"Don't." I mouthed to him and saw him tuck his gun away, as he held both his hands up in mock surrender while he took another cautionary stride in Jacobs direction. The two of them shared a look as Jacob hauled Garrison off the wall and shoved him harshly backwards into Jon. The police barged in through the entrance then and Roman quickly assisted in handing him over into their custody.

A team surrounded Callie and I the second Garrison was cuffed, carefully lifting her onto the stretcher nearby and rushing her into trauma room two.

I stood there in shock, my hands trembling as I tried to take in what just happened.

Jacobs eyes were trained on the entrance as the officers took Garrison outside and placed him in the back of one of their cruisers, his entire body rigid and his skin so hot that I could almost feel the heat radiating from it when I drew closer to him. My first instinct was to check him over for injuries, but he reached for me first and I didn't resist him.

"Are you alright, Bells?" He asked, his warm fingertips softly grazing over my reddened cheek as he looked down at me.

"I-I think so. I'm the one who should be asking you that?"

He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me into a side embrace, his jaw clenching with his reply.

"I don't even know anymore."

**A/N: Thanks for reading and for all your great reviews! Till next Time :-)**


	12. Chapter 12

**CHAPTER TWELVE**

**(BPOV)**

I lingered there with Jacob just outside of trauma room two, the shock of the prior events still settling over us both as his dark eyes briefly held mine. I had so much I wanted to say. So much I wanted to ask him, but the sound of Dr. Niles urgently calling for me soon stole my attention and forced me to leave him there.

"I-I'm sorry. I have to go-"

"I know." He softly replied, his gaze following after me, as I ran into the trauma bay and got busy prepping Callie for the surgery she would need to remove that bullet. She reached for my hand as the blood from her leg continued to spill down the side of the stretcher and onto my shoes.

"Callie, you stay with me, okay? You're a fighter. Always have been. Keep your eyes on me. You're going to be alright."

"I need more blood and someone call the OR! We have to move!"

Callie's hand tightly squeezed my own as she began to fade in and out of consciousness, her deep ocean blue eyes closing and reopening several times as I tried to keep her with me.

"Callie...-"

"We're losing her! Damn it!" Dr. Niles cursed as she went into V-fib. I released her hand and began CPR, my eyes glued to the flatline now displaying on the heart monitor.

"Give me that intubation tray!"

I saw Dr. Niles tilt her head back then as he skillfully intubated her, my hands leaving her chest and swiftly taking hold on the bag that pushed the needed air back into her lungs for her.

"Lets go people! We are running out of time. They have the OR prepped and ready for her. We have to take her up now." Dr Niles frantically stated, securing both sides of the stretcher and motioning us all forward with her toward the elevator. It was so routine for me and yet so painfully different, because I knew her and had even come to consider her my friend after all the many months we'd worked together in this place. She was always the one cracking a joke and she had a stubborn streak a mile long. Her smile was bright and welcoming and she was always the first to run in to a hazardous situation in order to help save someone else, only now she was the one who needed the saving.

"Hold on, Callie." I breathed, climbing on top of the stretcher to continue doing chest compressions as the team began to push us out of the trauma room and into the hall. I counted rhythmically in my head, over and over, my gaze fixed on Callie's pale face, before I caught sight of Jacob still standing only a few feet from the door, his hands now balled into tight fists at his sides when he saw us emerge there and sprint down the hall.

One... two... three... four... five.

Jacobs piercing gaze never left mine as the team wheeled us into the awaiting elevator, his face filling with a mix of something that I recognized as mirrored pride and worry at the same time, before the heavy steel doors closed behind us. I continued to pump Callie's heart for her, my thoughts reflecting back on what Billy had said to me before Jacob came to.

_"He's proud of you, Bella."_

I shook away the after thought and refocused my attention to Dr. Niles instructions once we reached the surgical floor.

Within three minutes, Callie was on the table and in good hands as the surgical team on duty finished scrubbing up and entered the room with an elegance and grace about them I had always found fascinating. It never ceased to amaze me how they all kept such a level head and pristine focus in the middle of a do or die trauma such as this, but somehow, they always did.

When she was stable enough and they were finishing with the removal of the bullet, I glanced down at my scrubs and hands, seeing the sticky crimson that now coated them and having enough conscious thought left to head for the bathroom. I made it down one flight of stairs, before I staggered forward from my exhaustion and slid down onto the cement steps beneath me, my vision now dizzy and my head spinning.

So much had taken place in the past three days that it was becoming hard for me to keep up with it all, and my lack of sleep during that time had only made it more difficult. I was pushing myself too hard and too far and I knew my limit was about to be reached. I slowly stood on tired legs and forced myself to make it to the locker rooms where I showered and slid into another clean pair of scrubs.

It was approaching well past mid-day and the expression 'dead on my feet' started to take on new meaning as I headed for the NICU, where I knew Billy, Charlie and Jacob would be. I raised my head and sighed a breath of relief when my father came into view first. He held open his arms with a heavy sigh as I approached, his reddened gaze looking me over before hugging me tightly. "You had me real worried, kid. Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'll be okay. Callie is still in surgery, but the last I knew, the were closing her up and she was headed for recovery. She is tough and I believe she'll be okay."

"That's good to hear. In all my years as a cop, never been witness to a code gray. Scary stuff. They wouldn't even let us off this floor." He replied, his half a smile slipping some as we turned and stopped short just outside the large viewing window ahead.

"Oh my goodness-..."

"Now that's what we've been waiting to see." Charlie huffed, with a slight nudge into my side as I stared ahead at the sight before me in disbelief. "She's even hungry. They just warmed that bottle for her."

Jacob was seated in one of the rocking chairs that were placed in nearly every corner of the NICU, his strong arms cradling sweet Clarissa, as he began to feed her from the bottle that one of the nurses readily handed over to him. He placed a kiss to her forehead and held her close as she peered up at him.

I let out a shaky breath, my eyes stinging with new tears while I took a few steps forward and lightly touched the glass with my fingertips. I felt Charlie wrap a tight arm around my shoulders and place a kiss to the top of my head, as I watched Jacob rock Clarissa. The sight of her tiny hands eagerly wrapping around his fingers, as he stared down into her precious face, making me smile wide for the first time in days now.

"She's really okay. She's off all the machines?" I breathed, looking over to Charlie who tried desperately to hide his tearful gaze from me as he peered straight ahead.

"She sure is. She's even better than okay. I think they both are or at least, they will be. Some of the nurses in there are calling it miraculous and I'd have to say that I agree with them. This morning, she still needed the monitor and all the other stuff she was hooked up to, now just look at her. Wouldn't you call that miraculous?"

"Yeah, I would." I softly agreed, intently watching the two of them have this moment together. The one I had been silently praying they would get to have again from the moment I saw Jacob being wheeled in here.

"Shawn and Martha just left a few minutes ago to get something to eat from the cafeteria with Billy. They sat with her most of the morning. You wait till they see this!" Charlie hedged, with a sincere grin touching his face.

Jacob paused his rocking then and looked our way, his misty gaze meeting mine as he mouthed a "Thank you", before turning his attention back to his sweet baby girl.

It was treasured moments like this that made my job worth it. When an outcome you initially struggled to see any hope in turned itself back around for the good.

I knew the road ahead would be long and hard for the two of them, but they had each other and that was what mattered most. Jacob had always been the optimist, a warm ray of sunshine in the harsh and bitter cold of Winter. The one to smile in the face of a challenge or adversity and I could only pray that the loss of his Lillian wouldn't rip away the perpetually happy person he was. That the happiness he carried with him would remain despite his heartbreak and that he would never stop sharing it with whoever was close to him.

**A/N: Thanks so much for reading and for all your reviews! Look for another update tomorrow. Till then! :-)**


	13. Chapter 13

**CHAPTER THIRTEEN**

**(BPOV)**

The clock on the wall above the nurses station showed just after midnight and I yawned sleepily as I placed the stack of triage charts in my hand on the desk.

"You're still here?" Natalie exclaimed, her thick framed glasses partially covering her green eyes, as she shook her head to me in disapproval. "You look exhausted. You have to get some rest. Are you scheduled for tomorrow?"

"I think so but I'll be okay."

"No way. You get off your feet and catch some shut eye or I'm calling Dr. Niles. The snow just started to fall out there, if you head home now, you might avoid some of the slick travel. Have you heard anything more on Callie? Still stable?"

I sighed and looked toward the exit, seeing the large snowflakes that were falling, and debating on whether or not I should just crash here at the hospital till the morning. By the time I got back home, it would be almost one and that would only leave me a short four hour window to sleep before I'd have to turn around and come back here for my 5 a.m. shift.

Natalie continued to eye me suspiciously while she waited for my response, but I was so tired that the very idea of driving home this late made me more than a little leery.

"Yes, her vitals are good and she's resting. Tina is in her room with her. Dr. Niles is set to check on her in a few hours."

"That's great news. We've all been thinking of her."

"She's tougher than nails that one." I replied, seeing Natalie nod to me in agreement.

"Sure is."

"I think I'll take a nap in the on call room." I stated.

"You know that old couch is hard as a rock. You'll never get a good rest there."

"Well, that's where I'm headed once I finish checking on my last patient. So, I guess that old hard as a rock couch will just have to do for the night." I replied, seeing her wave her finger at me in strong protest.

"You mean the patient up in recovery? Mr. Black is it?"

I met her curious gaze, catching the raise of her eyebrows as she let out a soft chuckle.

"I wish he was my patient."

"Natalie-…"

"What?" She playfully countered, with a slight shrug of her petite shoulders. "I'm only stating the obvious. Jon and Roman are convinced he's cut out for their line of work. You should hear them talking around here. They've deemed him a hero for what he did with that punk, and given the horrible situation and the loss of his wife, they think he handled himself pretty damn well. I predict they'll try to recruit him into the training program before he's discharged tomorrow."

"His papers have already come through? Did Dr. Niles clear him for release that soon?" I replied, marveling at how fast his turn around had been and knowing that none of it would've been possible without the supernatural healing the wolf in him still carried.

"Yeah, just got them on the desk a few minutes ago. Pretty miraculous I'd say. Is his daughter still up in the NICU?"

"No, they just transferred her to the Pediatrics floor an hour ago. He's still there with her. I think they were trying to get him a cot for the private room so he could sleep in there with her tonight. You know the supply and demand of those around here." I softly explained.

"More comfortable than the couch you'll soon be laying on." Natalie replied, her not so subtle hint causing me to shake my head and turn away from her.

"You're impossible." I sarcastically drawled, peering around at the stillness of the ER and knowing that it wouldn't last very long.

"...and you're keeping a secret."

I paused at her accusatory statement and looked over my shoulder, as she jogged around the desk and approached me, her eyes lit with an eagerness that made me huff out a tired breath in frustration.

"There's no secret-..."

"Okay, so you're going to deny knowing him? Come on Bella, everyone around here can see it." She laughed, pulling on a tendril of her thick red hair and whirling it around her index finger, while she continued to stare back at me in challenge.

"I-I didn't say that. I-we... it was-..."

"Spill it!" She hedged, taking hold of my shoulders with a gentle shake.

"There's nothing to spill and you need to spend more time knitting and reading and less time watching those daytime soaps of yours when you're not working. Might not be such a bad idea."

"Oh, please. Don't try to change the subject here. You'd have to be blind to not see the chemistry between you two. Man, it's enough to make me want to call Eric and have one last go at it- all that tension and-"

"Nat, stop. He just lost his wife. Who he loved very much and you would do well to remember just why it is that you broke things off with Eric last month. Don't go igniting an old flame just so you don't have to be alone. You deserve a lot more than that. Eric hurt you. He cheated and that's not love. Leave it where it is and find something better cause it's out there for you. Don't settle."

She offered me half a smile then and gave me an unexpected hug.

"Thank you. You don't even know how much I needed to hear that and I'm sorry if I took the joking a little too far for you about Mr. Black."

"It's okay, I know you didn't mean any harm." I sincerely replied as I released her from our embrace.

"All kidding aside though, what's the real story with the two of you? A love that went wrong in high school or-?"

"No, nothing like that. We didn't go to the same school."

"Are you really going to make me beg and pry it out of you?" Natalie pleadingly stated, her gaze narrowing at me while she impatiently tapped her foot. "There's way more than just a friendly acquaintance in the aura around you two."

"The aura!" I laughed, my giggle coming out louder than I thought as I placed a hand over my mouth. "Oh, Natalie. You kill me sometimes. I have to go now. I have patients waiting."

"Correction, you have a patient waiting for you." Natalie laughed in return, her hand tugging at mine before I could escape.

I merely sighed and offered her a parting wave before making my way up to the pediatrics floor.

Billy and Charlie had finally taken my advice and gotten a hotel for the night by the harbor. They needed sleep more than I did right about now and I was relieved when I got Charlie's text saying the room was nice and that they were turning in. He assured me he'd call before coming back to Pen Bay in the morning again with Billy and I told him I'd be waiting for his call then. All of this had taken a hefty toll on Billy, his color was only getting worse this afternoon and I had to practically beg them both to go and get some rest, but eventually and with some further convincing from Jacob, they went.

I think Billy was terrified of leaving and then having something happen to either Jacob or Clarissa, but I had promised him that he would be my first call if something did arise, and my word to him seemed to be enough to calm some of his overwhelming anxiety for now.

I soon paused by room three thirty- one and stilled there when I heard Mr. and Mrs. Dawson saying their goodbyes to Jacob and Clarissa.

"We'll be back first thing in the morning. If you need anything, please don't hesitate to call us, Jacob." Martha kindly insisted, her tiredness from the past three days now evident in her voice as she spoke.

"Yes, son, anything at all. You know we're only a half hour away." Shawn added.

"Thank you both. I'll be in touch in the morning. My hope is that she'll sleep through the rest of the night." Jacob quietly replied, as I smiled and slowly turned to leave, but the sound of the door opening made me halt my steps.

"Nurse Swan, I'm so glad you're still here." Shawn sighed, motioning for me to wait there as he took Martha by the arm and helped her out in the hall. "We've been looking for you. You can be hard to find."

"It's been a busy evening. I'm sorry." I replied.

"It's alright, dear. We simply wanted to tell you in person just how very grateful we are for all you've done."

"Oh, Mr. Dawson, truly, it was nothing. I'm so glad that Clarissa is out of the NICU."

"It certainly is something, dear. I assure you it is." He replied, drawing in closer to me and reaching out his hand to lightly press it against my cheek, the endearment making it hard for me to keep my composure. "You're the rare kind of light in this dark world we need to see more often. I know the average shift isn't normally this long and tedious for you and I know you stayed to see us all through. From the bottom of our hearts, we thank you and if there's ever anything you need, you know we're not far."

I smiled up at him, his watery gaze holding mine with his heartfelt gratitude as he drew me in for a brief hug with Martha still at his side.

"You're so special. Don't ever change." Martha lovingly added, as she soon placed a kiss to my cheek and let Shawn lead the way to the elevator at the end of the hall. I watched them share a tight hug, the two of them heartbroken over their loss but still clinging to each other for comfort. I couldn't bring myself to look away from them until Jacobs strained voice carried out to me.

"Bells...-"

It was the name he'd always called me, but he spoke it so differently this time and with so much pain that it made my own heart threaten to shatter. My eyes met his and I saw it all there. Like the façade he'd done so damn well to keep going for everyone else was being forcefully stripped away from him now that they were all gone and it was just him and Clarissa remaining.

He stood there with Clarissa fast asleep in his arms, her head laying on his chest and her sweet face at complete peace as he held her to him.

I saw the grief he'd been keeping at bay all these hours steadily begin to consume him there in the doorway of the Peds room, and I shuddered as I thought back to when I'd needed him to be that anchor in my own storm, and how he'd never let me down. Not once.

"...can you-... can you take her...please? I need some air."

I timidly reached out for Clarissa then and he carefully placed her in my arms, the two of us trying not to jostle her. I let out a breath of relief when she didn't move, as I gently laid her down on the bed there in the room, and tucked her pink blanket in around her.

When I lifted my head, Jacob's tear filled eyes looked away from me as he stepped out into the hall and began to pace there. I quickly raised the bedside rails, locking them into place for Clarissa's safety, and followed after him.

"Jake...-"

"I'll be okay." He sighed, rubbing his eyes and pulling out his phone from his back pocket. "There's just so much left to do, you know? I have to call the Funeral home back in Washington and book a time for her viewing. They'll need an estimate of who will be coming and they'll need numbers for the funeral so that everyone will have a seat. Then there's her personal items and possessions. What you're supposed to choose to lay with her in the casket and the right dress to bury her in."

"Jake...-" I whispered, but he didn't look up at me.

I swallowed hard when he stopped his pacing and leaned his back against the far wall, his face paling and his hands beginning to shake as he hoarsely continued.

"...and I don't even think she owns a black dress or any dress for that matter. I never saw her wear one. the only dress I ever got to see her in was her wedding dress. It's supposed to be a black dress, right? Lilly hated black."

I tried to speak, but it took me several more tries before I finally got the words to come out.

"What color did she like?" I softly asked, feeling the wetness from my silent tears touch my cheek as he looked up and saw the emotions I couldn't hide from him.

"Blue. Lillian loved the color blue. Any shade of it." He breathed in reply, his voice almost inaudible now. "She was artistic and adventurous. Our house is filled with her abstract paintings. She saw the beauty in everything. It was one of the reasons I fell in love with her."

"Blue is a beautiful color." I replied, my voice quavering as I tried to listen to him go on.

"Just like she was."

I heard his voice crack on the last word and saw his face fill with the kind of agony that would try to drown him before this was all over and it killed me. I didn't move or speak as he pressed his back harder against the wall, sliding down there until he touched the ground. His tears became more than he could simply blink away and they soon ran unchecked down his face. The muscles in his chin trembled as he looked up at me, silently searching for an answer there in my gaze that I didn't have. That I would never have.

_Why..._

_Why did this have to happen..._

_Why is she gone and I'm still here..._

I went to him, ignoring the few onlookers who turned their attention in our direction when I hunkered down on the floor and inched myself into his side. I sat there in silence as he stared straight ahead, his jaw tight with the emotion he still tried to fight, tried to control.

"It should've been me." He eventually whispered.

"Jacob, don't say that." I brokenly replied, as he turned his head my way, his eyes roaming over my face while he tried to make sense of what he couldn't. Of why the world could be so cold and unfair.

"I shouldn't have had us on the road that late. We were both so damn tired."

"You didn't do anything wrong. You hear me? This wasn't your fault. You know who's to blame and he's in jail right now."

He shook his head and slowly got to his feet, his hand reaching down and catching mine as I laced my fingers through his before I could think better of it. I quickly tried to pull my hand away, but stopped when he gripped it tighter and peered down at me.

"Thank you for being here and doing all you've done, Bells. Billy told me how you stayed with Clarissa before I came to. I could never repay you for that-"

"You don't ever have to."

"I don't want to do this-... I don't know how to do this." He tearfully admitted, his chest heaving as he looked toward Clarissa's room.

I released his hand and reached for him, my arms wrapping around his neck and hugging him tight for the first time since I'd left Washington years ago.

He let out a ragged breath and clutched me tight to him and I held him in silence as his pain consumed him there in waves. Minutes of sobbing that made me physically hurt for him and reminded me that even after all this time apart, one thing still remained true and that was that his happiness meant far more to me than my own ever could.

**A/N: Thanks so much for reading and please leave a review to tell me your thoughts! New chapter tomorrow! Till Then! :-)**


	14. Chapter 14

**CHAPTER FOURTEEN**

**(BPOV)**

I stayed close to Jacob and Clarissa for the rest of the night and somehow managed to find him a cot that he could sleep on in Clarissa's room. When I finished setting it up for him and headed for the door to get a clean set of sheets from the nurses station, he timidly reached out for my hand, his eyes still red from his tears and his exhaustion plaguing his features.

"Your shift must be over? Has to be?"

"It has been for a few hours now." I truthfully admitted, catching his red rimmed gaze as I paused there by the door.

"Do you work today, too?"

"In four short hours from now."

"Thank you for staying."

"Of course." I softly replied, heading out into the hall, as Tina rounded the corner and met me there. She offered me a tired and weary smile from the recent events and held in her hands a stack of clean sheets.

"Natalie sent these ahead for you, said you'd be needing them for the cot."

"Thank you. How is Callie?"

"She's awake now and already complaining about being stuck in bed for the next week. She hates being cooped up. Not her style." Tina chuckled to me in reply.

"That sounds about right for her." I agreed, noting the nod from Tina in response.

"The doctor said she should be able to get around on crutches till her leg is healed. You can imagine how much she's looking forward to that."

"She'll manage and I think she'll defy the odds. Same as she always has. Not much can hold her down."

"You're right about that." Tina thoughtfully countered, her gaze looking past me and toward Clarissa's room. "How's the father doing? Callie's asked a few times herself. I told her I'd get an update. She wants to thank him in person. When and if he's up for it."

"He's hanging in there and please tell Callie that I think he'd be okay with that. That's sweet of her. He's being discharged this afternoon. I'll be sure to take him up to see her before he leaves." I replied.

"I'll pass that along to her. It will make her feel better. That whole thing could've ended much differently. When he raise that gun at you-..."

I felt a slight shudder go up my spine from her words, recalling how close I'd come to a fatal end myself earlier.

"It was too close for my liking."

"Agreed, just another day at Pen Bay medical, right?"

"Yeah, something like that." I replied, as Tina's eyes narrowed to focus on something behind me.

I turned to see what, or rather who, had stolen her attention, my eyes wandering down the hall to see Jacob lingering just outside of Clarissa's room, his stance unsure and his mournful expression making my heart clench in my chest.

Tina gently pulled on my elbow, drawing me in closer to her as she whispered her reply.

"I have no idea what the deal is with you two and it's not my business, so don't feel obligated to share, but I want you to know that Natalie left some paperwork for you to fill out if you need to take some time off. She thought maybe you'd like someone to cover your shifts next week? With your family needing you back home-..."

"Please tell Natalie thanks for me, but I don't think that will be necessary. I'll be here for work as scheduled."

"Are you sure?" Tina questioned, releasing my arm with an unsure glance in Jacobs direction once more. "...because it really isn't a big deal if you need to be back in Washington for a few days. You haven't taken a single sick day or even a vacation since you started here five years ago. I think you're well overdue, don't you?"

"Probably, but I think Jacob and his family need to be together during this difficult time. He doesn't need me in the mix of things." I softly stated.

"Bella, what happened with the two of you? There's got to be more to this than just an old friend, cause I've seen the way you've cared for him since he came through those doors. I've seen the way you've stuck around and pulled a double just to be sure to see his case all the way through? Do you suddenly do that for all of your patients?" She lightly teased with a faint smile.

"No, I don't." I nervously replied, seeing the concern lingering in her gaze when she reached out for my hand then.

"Listen, I'm not trying to push the issue here, but you know I'm always around if you ever need to talk."

"I do." I sincerely replied.

"All I'm saying is there are some connections in this life that stick. They don't bend or break easily. They're rooted into the very fabric of who we are. I saw your face when we wheeled him in and I'd know that look anywhere, Bella. It's the same look of utter desperation that I've seen on countless others when someone they love is on that stretcher. So, if you need some time to go back home with your family, back to your roots, there's no shame in that. You know your job isn't going anywhere."

"Thanks Tina, I appreciate your advice." I replied, taking the sheets from her and giving her shoulder a gentle squeeze, as I turned and headed back to Jacob with her words still playing heavily on my mind. I hadn't stepped foot back in Washington in years and the very idea of it made my skin prick with hair raising anxiety. I had left that all behind and chosen not to look back and I'd done so with good reason. I wanted no part of the supernatural that filled that place, and brought mythical fairytales that were solely meant to fill the pages of children's books, back to life with a vengeance. The most unlikely of places where monsters and magic were very real and nothing like the bedtime stories I'd had read to me as a small child. Where the prince would offer true loves first kiss and all would be made well again. No, on the contrary, most of the time, there was no true happy ending in Forks, Washington. Not for those who had been forced into a life they had no say in, no choice in the matter. Where a true love was chosen for them based on bloodlines and genetics that were far outside the norm. It wasn't often that I even allowed myself to ponder back to those times now. Back to when I could still see the stark white walls that surrounded me as I sat in the doctors office, nervously waiting for the Doctor to come in and discuss the results she'd found upon my thorough examination. If I closed my eyes long enough, I could still picture the devout sadness on her face when she came in and sat down at the desk, her hands opening the chart, as she looked my way with the news I'd been dreading for weeks prior. Horrible pain and a missed period that didn't make sense, followed by two more consecutive months of unexplained amenorrhea, had finally forced me to make the trip in to the local clinic in town.

"Well, miss Swan, after taking a further look at some of the images from your ultrasound, we have some answers." She slowly began, her gaze wandering over the black and white images she held out to me, and pointing to the black outline of what she explained to be my right ovary. "See this right here, this is the problem. You have a pretty severe case of endometriosis and unfortunately, it's caused a lot of scarring."

"What does that mean?" I asked, squinting to try and see the image better, but failing to make it out.

"It means that the cause of your pain and amenorrhea is from the endometriosis."

I blinked rapidly then as she moved back and began to scribble down some notes on the clipboard in her hand.

"...b-but I'm only eighteen." I stuttered, feeling my chest tighten and my stomach clench uncomfortably at her words.

"Yes, but don't worry, it is not life threatening and it is a lot more common than you think. There are some holistic things to try. Some herbs and teas, but unfortunately there's currently no cure for it at this time." She calmly explained, as the room began to spin.

"So, outside of pain meds, there's really nothing to relieve the pain I've been having for the past three months?" I asked, hoping there was something she'd left out.

"I'm sorry but no and while I wouldn't recommend surgery for a woman of your young age, I will tell you that the scarring is severe enough to make pregnancy difficult for you down the road." She admitted. "I understand that's probably not something you're thinking about starting right now, but-..."

"...but someday." I softly hedged, finishing the thought for her and feeling my face flush while I pondered what she was saying.

"There's many treatments for infertility should that arise for you when you do marry and decide to try and start a family. Don't lose heart. You are still so young."

"Am I right to assume that this will only get worse as I get older and not better?"

I saw her pretty face fall as she tried her best to keep me from hearing the bleak and harsh truth.

"Miss Swan, I-..."

"Can I have children someday? Please, can you just tell me? I want to know." I nervously declared, seeing her pause and set the clipboard down as she hesitated to give me the straight answer I needed.

"With severe cases of endometriosis like this, the statistics show that there is a significant decline in the ability to conceive and carry to full term."

"How decreased?" I gasped to her in reply.

"Sometimes, and taking into account the severity of your stage, the numbers are decreased by as much as nearly fifty-percent. Your case involves the uterine wall as well as your right ovary. The surrounding tissues can become more irritated with time and cause more pelvic issues."

"So age here is not on my side."

"I'm very sorry, Miss Swan." She apologized, placing a hand over my own as I hurriedly got dressed and left the exam room without looking back. She called out after me but I ignored her, because I knew she would have nothing to say that could ease the pain of what I'd just learned.

I drove home numb and never spoke a word of it to anyone. Not to Charlie or my mother and not to Jacob. I kept it to myself for weeks after and asked Billy one afternoon while over to Jacobs if he could better explain exactly how imprinting worked. The dynamics of it that Jacob always seemed to avoid whenever he mentioned it. I wanted to understand more than just the feelings that surrounded it. When Billy was done with his history lesson for me, and he'd explained it all in great detail, I left their house knowing that things would never be the same. Up until that point, I'd shared Jacobs tongue in cheek attitude about imprinting, never wanting to pry or make him uncomfortable, but deep down, a very small part of me had held out the naïve and irrational hope that maybe, just maybe, it had been me all along and he just had never found the courage to tell me.

Looking back on that time now only made me laugh at my own stupidity, because I was the polar opposite of what his imprint could ever be. As Billy had so wisely stated, the carrying on of that gene played a huge role for the imprint itself. He used Sam Uley and Emily as prime examples of the strength of it's magnetic pull, reminding me then about how despite Sams devout commitment and love for Leah Clearwater, in the end, the imprint changed it and he chose to be with Emily. I remember that I had never felt so torn or so alone as I did when I went to sleep that night, knowing that I didn't belong here. I knew that as long as I stayed in Forks, Jacob would never even open himself up to a connection like that, not that he'd have much choice anyway, but he'd fight it and it would only cause him pain. I didn't want that. He was loyal to a fault, one of the best people I'd ever known, and already we'd blurred the lines of our close friendship, making me believe that what was once broken could be made whole again. In the months before I had left for Maine, he'd broken Charlie's house rule of being gone after dark and had snuck in through my window after his patrol was over to hold me while I slept. He did this night after night and it had been heaven and hell for me all wrapped in one. High School was nearly over and I knew that I had to make a choice and follow my own dream so that Jacob could find his. Wherever she was and whoever she was.

I was harshly torn away from my thoughts when an incoming trauma page made me shake my head and glance down at the lit up pager flashing on my hip. I paused by the door and saw Jacob still waiting there just ahead, his gaze looking as lost as I'd ever seen it now. I blindly reached down and silenced the pager as I approached him then.

"You have to go?" He regretfully asked, his hoarse tone forcing my gaze to hold his.

"No." I stated, handing him the sheets. "They have enough nurses on call down in the ER right now. I'm off the clock until five. I brought these for you. I'm sorry, it's all we have. They're not the most comfortable."

"Thank you, Bells. They'll do fine. After all, I used to sleep on the ground not so long ago, remember?"

"Yeah, I do." I quietly replied, stealing a side glance over at Clarissa and smiling at the sight of her still fast asleep there on the bed.

"Is there anything else you need? Are you hungry? I could go get you some food from the hospital cafeteria. I get a pretty decent discount and I promise that it won't kill you. It's not nearly as bad as some say it is. Can't always believe what you hear in this place Just a fair warning."

"No, I suppose you can't. I don't remember the last time I ate anything. I haven't had much of an appetite." He admitted, placing the sheets on the cot and soon kissing Clarissa's forehead as he stared down at her.

"Well, I know it's been a while, but I think I still know what your preferred foods are? I'll go get you a small plate and bring it back?"

"I truthfully don't think I could stomach it. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It's alright. Maybe we can try again in the morning for breakfast?"

"Sounds good." He replied, as I slowly backed away and started to close the door.

Jacobs hand swiftly caught it before it could latch and I looked up to see his wide and anxious eyes peering down at me with his whispered plea.

"Do you think you could stay? For a little while longer? I know you need some rest, too. You're more than welcome to take the cot. I already know that I won't be able to sleep anyway. I can't shut my mind off long enough to."

I continued to stare up into his face, my mind running over the thoughts from before, and feeling my chest painfully tighten at the brokenness reflected back at me in his darkened gaze while I stood there.

The truth was, I would do anything to take that look from him and if this was all I could give him, then it was better than nothing.

"Sure, I'll stay with you for a little bit, but you should try to get some sleep, Jacob. You've been through a lot."

He looked away from me then as I stepped back inside the room and closed the door behind me.

"I'm scared I'll wake up and expect her to still be here, so I don't want to close my eyes."

"I understand." I gently countered, watching him pull up the chair next to Clarissa and take hold of her tiny hand in his.

"Does she look pale to you? Is her color okay?"

I took a few steps closer and looked her over, the russet hue of her skin matching Jacobs and her cheeks flush with healthy color.

"She looks perfect. She's okay, Jake. She really is. It's alright to close your eyes. You have to get your rest for her. She needs you."

"I know and I need her." He breathed, rubbing his eyes and reaching his hand out for mine. "Thank you for being in here with me."

"I wish I could do more." I admitted, taking hold of his offered hand and glancing down to see the striking contrast in color between our skin tones. Even in the dead of Winter, his warm skin color never faded like all the rest of us average and ordinary humans on this earth.

"You've done more than enough, Bells. I owe you."

"You owe me nothing." I countered, as he laid his head on the side of Clarissa's bed and fought to keep his heavy eyes open.

Several minutes passed as we sat there in silence, the two of us both too exhausted to utter anything else and it wasn't long before I noticed his breathing had evened out and his eyes were closed.

He'd finally let himself relax enough to go to sleep and I couldn't bring myself to look away from his face, seeing the restlessness still etched there when he gripped my hand tighter in his while he slept. I let out a heavy sigh, dreading what the dawn would bring him in only a few short hours. He'd be forced to make arrangements that he never thought in a million years he'd have to make, and I felt helpless to offer him any kind of comfort for the grief I knew had just started to stretch out like an ocean for him. There was no way to shelter him or sweet Clarissa from it. They had to face it together.

I silently pondered Tina's advice from earlier, my mind going over what she'd said to me and knowing it was true. I hadn't taken so much as a single sick day on this job. My pep time was still accruing and I could use it whenever I wanted to take a few days off, but I didn't think I could bring myself to venture back to Washington after all this time.

I slowly pulled my hand away from Jacobs and laid down on the cot, as I finally closed my eyes and fell asleep. It seemed as if I'd only been resting a short time when the sound of a phone ringing startled me awake.

My eyes flew open to take in the harsh and blinding light of the early morning sun and I sat up, looking around the room and seeing Jacob standing over by the large bay window with his cell phone clutched tightly in his hand.

"What time is it?" I sleepily asked.

"Eight- thirty." He hoarsely replied.

I got to my feet and noticed that Clarissa was barely beginning to stir.

"Did you sleep?"

"A little."

"I have to call Charlie and see if he and Billy are on their way here." I stated, drawing closer to him and stilling there by the window as he looked at the rising sun.

"The funeral home called. They want me to bring over her outfit to be buried in by tomorrow. I told them there's at least fifty people coming and I can't reach her parents. They won't return my call. They were never a big fan of mine."

"Why?" I asked, unable to hide the slight anger in my tone when I spoke. "What would they possibly have against you."

"Lillian was raised in money. Her father wanted more for her but she chose me anyway. They didn't have a close relationship. She resented him for the way he treated me. I tried to make amends, but it never worked. Maybe they were right all along. Look where it got her." He sighed, hanging his head and tossing his phone down on the chair in front of him.

I placed my hand under his chin and gently raised his head, forcing his pained gaze to meet mine with my words.

"You loved her and that was enough. Don't let them get in your head, Jacob. If Lilly's father couldn't see your treasured worth, than that's his blind and arrogant loss."

I dropped my hand then and saw him nod to me in return as I grabbed my pager from the cot and checked it while I hurriedly headed for the hall.

Jacob went to Clarissa and scooped her up, his arms cradling her to him as he looked my way.

"So, the word is I get discharged with her today, right?"

"Yeah, that's the rumor." I sighed, offering him a faint smile and ignoring the pang of regret that settled into my stomach as I stared at the two of them. "I'll come back in an hour with your paperwork and then you can make arrangements to head home."

He looked at Clarissa and kissed her cheek as I closed the door and leaned against it, the heaviness of the last few days still proving to wear me out. Part of me was relieved for him, relieved that he and his baby girl could leave this hospital together, but then there was the other part of me, the part of me that felt like I was abandoning him in his darkest hour and in his time of immense grief. I headed for the nurses station and saw Natalie there with a hot cup of coffee held out to me, her smile wide and suspicious as she waved a paper in front of my face when I took the coffee from her.

"I took the liberty of pulling these for you."

"I don't need to apply for an extended leave." I huffed, taking a sip from my coffee and snatching the paper out of her hand.

"Oh, I know. That's why I got both forms! Just in case you decided to take only one week off instead of two for your trip back to Washington."

"Natalie, you don't undersntand. It's not that simple. I would have to have permission from Dr. Niles and there would need to be someone in line to cover those days. I'm not leaving all of you short handed in here."

"I've already taken care of that. Jamie needs the hours. She just bought a house last month and is already stressing about the mortgage. So, I texted her and asked if she would like your hours and she was more than happy to cover you for next week. Her and her husband are going on vacation to Hawaii for Christmas, trust me when I tell you this, she needs all the money she can get right now."

I went silent at this, placing my coffee down on the desk and looking over the work leave form, my attention soon being drawn to the commotion happening just outside the waiting room.

"What's going on over there?" I asked, seeing Natalie's eyes go wide when she saw the group of men come heading our way.

"Okay, you didn't tell me that Mr. Black has like six of the hottest brothers alive." She whispered in my ear. "I thought we were friends. You can't be leaving things like this out of our conversations, you know?"

I was only able to focus on half of what she was saying as I took in the sight before me.

Sam Uley straightened his shoulders and waved a hand to the others, silently telling them to pipe down as he reached for me, his unexpected embrace making me freeze there in his arms.

"Bella, it's good to see you. We've missed you around our parts back home." He sighed, as he sat me back down on my feet and looked to Natalie, her mouth hung open in shock and her glasses nearly falling from her face while she stared back at him in shock.

And just like that, the supernatural that I'd left behind had come back into my life and in the form of six tall Quileute men, all of whom were now the focus point of every nurse in the Pen Bay emergency room.

**A/N: Thanks for reading this new update and please let me know your thoughts on this story in a review. Do you think Bella should go back to Washington with Jacob? Till Next Time... HAPPY READING!**


	15. Chapter 15

**CHAPTER FIFTEEN**

**(BPOV)**

I was passed from one set of arms to the other and had to stifle a laugh from Natalie's stunned reaction when she saw this, her attention completely stolen by the pack as she shamelessly gawked and ogled at them. The phone continued to ring behind the nurses station and I had to nudge her to get it, before she could break out of the trance she was in enough to pick up the call.

The many onlookers present in the ER didn't hide their stunned gazes from us, as they passed by with disbelieving expressions when they took in the packs larger size and physique. No one from these parts looked anything like them and I simply shook my head as I gestured for them to follow me back out into the waiting room.

Sam motioned for the others to stay behind when he pulled me aside and voiced his concern.

"We came to help bring Jacob back home. How is he? Be straight with me, Bella. Billy phoned home and told us about Lillian."

"He's holding it together the best he can. You know Jacob. Always the brave face. I'm worried for him, Sam."

"Yeah, I know. I am, too. He's healed though? No lasting injuries to be accounted for?" Sam nervously questioned, as I nodded in assurance to him and saw the others gather in around us despite Sam's prior warning. They all looked as worried about Jacob as Sam did and it was touching to see the care they had for Jacob and his loss. It served as a good reminder to me about the family unit they were and how that loyalty didn't fade away with time or circumstance. How it was solid and true.

"He's back on his feet. He definitely defied the odds." I replied, knowing that Sam caught the double meaning behind my words then as I saw his gaze go wide.

"What do you mean? Are you saying what I think you're saying? That doesn't make sense. Jacob hasn't phased in four years. When he met Lillian and married her, he stopped. We all supported his choice. That's what he really wanted. He wanted to be able to grow old with her and build a family together."

I bit down on my bottom lip and slowly nodded at his words, hearing the sadness that filled his voice now and looking up to see his gaze full of a brotherly concern for one of his own.

"Does he know you're coming?" I hedged.

"No, we raced here overnight. We wanted to be with him today and support him in any way we could. We don't want him thinking he's alone in this when he returns back home."

I was moved beyond words then as Jacob stepped out into the hall from Clarissa's room while the nurse checked her over one last time before signing off on his discharge papers, his eyes trained to his phone and only looking up when Sam called his name.

"Jake-…"

He raised his head and met Sams gaze with disbelief, as his eyes slowly took in the sight of all of them standing there to greet him. No words were spoken as Sam went up to him and wrapped him in a strong hug, the sight of it making my emotion return while I blinked back the tears and moved aside with Natalie so they could have the needed room to surround him.

This was what he needed most right now and it touched my very soul to see him get it.

In that moment, it wasn't about pack duty or even obligation, it was about something much deeper than that. A bond that could not be broken and a cord that could not be severed. Something that had the ability to carry some of the load off of Jacobs tired shoulders. They all huddled in around him, reaching out a hand in offered support with their words of heartfelt condolenses and promises of always being there.

Sam didn't let go as some of the others took a step back, he kept a tight arm around Jacobs shoulders and looked him over again, his care for him easy to see when he offered his thoughtful words of encouragement.

"We're here, man. We're not going anywhere without you and Clarissa. I won't promise you that everything is going to be okay, cause I know that's the last thing you want to hear right now, but I will promise you that we've got you. We'll get through this together, Jacob. As a family. We'll carry it with you. Every step of the way." Sam vowed to him.

I heard Natalie softly let out a gasp and quickly dry her tears beside me when we looked to one another, her emotions now matching my own at the sight of the brotherly love on display in the ER.

"Thank you." Jacob replied, his husky voice now strained with his words to Sam and the others.

"Anything you need. We're here, bro." Seth stated, reaching out his hand to firmly grip Jacobs, and I marveled at just how much he'd grown. Gone was the boyish kid who followed Jacob around years ago, and in his place stood a much taller full grown man who looked to be just as muscular as Sam was, and had at least three inches on him in height. He soon looked my way and gave me a faint smile. It was the one thing about him that hadn't changed.

They had an audience now but it didn't seem to phase any of them in the least as they backed away from Jacob and looked to me, their determined gazes clueing me in that they had something up their sleeves.

"... and we're not going anywhere without you, either." Sam declared, reaching out a hand toward me and silently motioning for me to take it.

I looked back at him and tried to form a reply, but struggled to do so when Jacob's tear filled stare steadily held mine, his plea there in his gaze without saying a single word.

"Come back with us, Bella. Just for a while?" Paul hedged, as I tore my gaze from Jacobs and glanced at the abandoned paper on the desk that Natalie had waved in front of me just a few minutes ago.

"Yeah, Forks hasn't been the Same without you. Neither has the Res for that matter." Seth sighed, coming around behind me to lightly nudge me forward. "Please...?"

"He's right you know? It hasn't been the same without you and trust me, that's hard for me to admit, but I will." Paul jokingly stated. "Who else am I gonna tease!? You know deep down you love me!"

I nervously tugged on my I.D. badge and saw Jacobs firm swallow while they persistently tried to convince me to leave with them.

Sam stepped forward then, his whispered words to me making me pause there.

"You're part of our family, too. You always have been Bella and we've missed you. It'd be nice to have you close by again, even if it is only for a week or so. Will you at least consider it? If not for yourself or for us? Will you consider it for Jacob? He needs his family close. Wouldn't be complete without you there."

His tone was soft and barely audible, but I knew Jacob had heard it, along with the rest of the pack.

Jacobs cell phone rang then and his face fell when he backed away from the others and looked down at the screen, before hesitantly answering it. The sadness in his voice was evident as he stood by Clarissa's room and addressed the caller on the other end of the line. Sam looked his way before returning his attention to me, his peering eyes seeming to see right through me.

I reached up for the clip that held my badge in place, my hand swiftly pulling it down and releasing it as I placed the square name tag on the desk and nodded to Sam.

"Nat, can I have that paper please? I have a lot of packing to do in the next hour. So, I better get a move on."

Natalie nearly tripped over herself, as she snatched up the work leave form ahead of her and placed it down on the desk in front of me with a pen. I signed it, laying my badge over the pale pink paper and sliding them both toward her. She eagerly filed them then and got busy with adjusting the schedule for next weeks shifts.

"Looks like we're taking one more home with us! I can't wait to tell Charlie when he gets here!" Seth exclaimed, wrapping me in a hug.

"Tell me what?" Charlie's voice suddenly asked from behind me and I turned to see him there with Billy. The two of them looking about as confused as I felt a moment ago. I took a step his way and leaned up on my tiptoes to kiss his cheek with my reply.

"I'm coming back home with you, dad." I softly stated, seeing Charlie's gaze go misty then as I bent down and hugged Billy tight. "Cause that's what family does and that's what we are. What we've always been."

I walked further down the hall and drew myself in close to Jacobs side, my hand securely taking hold of his when he ended the call and peered down at me. I saw the heartbreak there in his gaze after he finished making Lillians funeral arrangements and wrapped an arm around my shoulders, his whispered words seeming to take more energy out of him than he had left.

"You're coming back..."

"Yeah, I'm going home."

**A/N: Two chapters in one day! I really spoiled you guys because you're all so awesome. Thank you for reading and for your great reviews. Look for another chapter tomorrow! :-)**


	16. Chapter 16

**CHAPTER SIXTEEN**

**(BPOV)**

Sam and the others waited close by as I gathered Jacobs discharge papers, along with his thorough at home instructions he would need for Clarissa and a recommended follow up with his primary care physician back in Washington. Natalie and Tina observed some of the packs interactions with each other while I took care of this, and it made me chuckle when I noticed Tina's alarmed expression as Quil and Embry playfully shoved each other around in the waiting room, the two of them arguing over who would get to hold Clarissa first when Jacob rounded the corner with her.

"Hey, it's my turn! You always get her first!" Embry complained, pushing Quil aside and earning himself an annoyed glance from Jacob in response.

"Oh, shut up. You know she loves her uncle Quil more. Time to face the facts." Quil teased, before catching the annoyance on Jacobs face from their unruly behavior in the ER.

"Guys, chill out. Don't cause trouble. Trust me, the security guards on this floor won't hesitate to boot you out and that would make Bella look bad. So behave." He scolded, as he took the papers from my hand and looked to Natalie for a pen to sign them with.

"It was nice to meet you, Jacob." Natalie kindly told him. "I hope you and your baby girl have a wonderful holiday season back home."

"Thank you. It was nice to meet you, too. You've all been great to us in here and I really appreciate it." Jacob sincerely replied.

"Of course, it was no trouble."

"We ready to get going?" Charlie hedged, as he began to wheel Billy toward the exit.

"Yeah, I think so. I'll have to make a detour to my place and pack a bag before we go to the airport. I'll take my car and meet you there?"

"Sounds good, kiddo." Charlie replied.

"How far out are you?" Jacob soon inquired, his look growing troubled when he glanced my way.

"Only about forty minutes. Not too far."

"You'll be needing this." Tina suddenly offered from beside us with a faint smile, as she placed a new car seat on the floor next to Jacob. "I picked it up at the local Walmart we have in town first thing this morning."

"That was really nice of you, Tina. Thank you so much." I replied, seeing Jacobs humbled expression, as he placed a hand on her arm and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"Yes, thank you. I owe you and Callie more than I could ever repay. If the two of you hadn't worked so long to get us out of that wreck...-" Jacob stated, his voice cutting out at the end as Tina smiled warmly up at him in return.

"All part of the job."

"Yeah, and we'd do it again, you know?" Callie added, her sudden appearance in the wheel chair behind us causing Jacob to turn toward her. "I'm the one who should be thanking you, Jacob. You saved my life when you took Garrison down. I may not be here if it wasn't for you. So, before you go, please know just how damn grateful I am to you."

"You're welcome. I hope your recovery is quick and that you're back doing the job you love before you know it."

Callie smiled at him and looked to me, her eyes meeting mine when she wheeled herself closer to us.

"So, the rumor is really true? You're heading back to Washington today? Don't be gone too long. We're sure going to miss you a lot around here. You're one of the best trauma nurses we have in this place."

I leaned down and wrapped my arms around her with a heavy sigh.

"I'll hurry back, I promise. Until then, you take the time you need to get better."

"I will, Bella. I'll lay low for as long as I can stand it, which as you know, won't be long. I'm already going crazy." She admitted, releasing me and looking to Jacob. "We love her, so please, watch out for her when she's out there in Washington."

"I will." Jacob replied, as he signed the last paper and took his copy of the discharge forms. Sam, Seth and Paul stood waiting by the exit, all of them appearing to be a little anxious and more than ready to escape the tight confines of the ER so they could get back home. Sam informed me that he would be running in wolf form with the others, not wanting to be stuck on two legs any longer than he had to. He was already on edge from being gone from La'Push for longer than a day, leaving only Leah and Jared back on the Reservation to hold things down until the rest of them returned. It hadn't settled well with him and I understood his worry, and assured him that I would stay close to Jacob and Clarissa on the long journey back to Washington.

"Jacob, you and Clarissa can ride with your father and I to the airport?" Charlie asked, zipping up his coat as he braced for the brisk cold of the Maine Winter that awaited us just outside the double doors.

"Actually, I was thinking they could ride with me while I grab some of my things from home? Only if you want to, of course?" I stated, glancing up to catch Jacobs nod as he held Clarissa tightly to him.

"That works, too. We'll let you know when we get there." Charlie replied, before turning his attention to Sam and the others. "Are you coming with us-?"

"No, we're gonna hang back for a bit and catch a later flight." Sam clarified, meeting my gaze when he reached out for Jacob. "We won't be too far behind you, brother."

Jacob slowly nodded and stilled when he saw Mr. and Mrs. Dawson heading toward us with their coats in hand. They had come back to see them off, to have the chance to hug them both goodbye before they left. What they still didn't know was that I was going with them.

Martha reached out for little Clarissa with a teary smile then as she held tightly to Jacobs hand.

"We didn't want you to leave without us saying goodbye. We're so glad you get to go back home and I know the funeral is in a few short days, but we'll miss you both so much. Please, don't be strangers."

"We won't. I want you both in Clarissa's life. That won't ever change." Jacob assured them, his gaze becoming misty when he looked to Shawn with a heavy sigh. "I've tried to reach Peter and Judy, but they won't return my calls or texts. I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Jacob. We've been trying ourselves all night and again several times this morning, still nothing. I left Peter a few voicemails. He knows it's urgent that he call me back. If I know him, he's probably on another business trip somewhere. He may even be out of the country. We'll keep trying and I'll let you know if we reach them. That's all we can do, my boy. All we can do."

Mr. Dawson wrapped his weary arms around Jacob then and placed a kiss to Clarissa's cheek, as Martha noticed Sam and the rest of the pack who were standing just off to the side.

"Jacob, are these friends of yours?" She timidly asked, her tired gaze going wide when Sam stepped forward and reached out his hand to her.

"Yeah, well, they're more than that." Jacob replied, gesturing to Paul, Seth, Embry and Quil as they nervously approached. "These guys are my family. Martha, Shawn, this is Sam Uley, Seth Clearwater, Paul Lahote, Embry Call and Quil Ateara. They all live back on the Reservation in La'Push. The pictures Lilly sent you a few years ago, that's where they all reside with their families."

"Oh, it's so nice to meet you." Martha gasped, reaching for Sams outstretched hand. I felt my throat tighten when he gingerly took hold of it and looked to her and Shawn, his words soft and sincere with them.

"I'm sorry we didn't get the chance to meet you before now. Your Lillian was part of our family, too. We loved her very much and we're all so sorry for your loss. She was truly wonderful and she made Jacob the happiest we've ever seen him."

"That means so much to hear. Thank you." Shawn replied, as Martha pressed herself into his side and dabbed away at the tears now on her cheeks from Sams heartfelt words to them.

"Yes, that's very nice of you to say. It's good to know that our Lillian made that kind of impression on you all, too. She shared her bright light with everyone." Martha softly stated.

"Yes, she did. She sure did." Sam agreed, stepping back and shaking Shawns hand, the two of them sharing a look that made it difficult for me to swallow. Sam had a big heart and it was nice to see him offer up so much care for the Dawsons in their time of immense grief.

"I hope you'll be there for Jacob. He was the love of our Lillians short life and it would do our weary hearts some good to know he's in such caring hands right now. Hard being so far away." Shawn expressed in a low tone, peering toward me with an expectancy in his blue eyes that made it impossible for me to look away from him. "He needs all the love and support he can get. He and Clarissa both do. Losing our Lillian has been a real tragedy and we would never want him to feel alone right now."

"I promise you, sir. We will all be there for the both of them. You have my word. We take care of our own back home." Sam replied, as he offered them a final parting wave and joined the rest of the pack by the exit.

Jacobs gaze soon filled with tears when he wrapped his free arm around Martha, his words to her so tender that it made my own tears return.

"Lillian loved you both so much, Martha. She talked about you all the time and she told me just how special you two were to her. There wasn't a single childhood memory she shared with me that didn't have you in it. You were invaluable to her. The both of you were and I want you to know that our Clarissa will always know you, too. No matter the miles between us. I'll always make the trip back to Maine so she can have time with her great grandparents."

Martha let out a soft cry and clung to Jacob then as Shawn took a few steps my way and silently motioned for me to follow him further down the hall. I went willingly and paused beside him when he timidly reached out his hand and touched my cheek, his knowing gaze piercing through me with his sincere words.

"I knew you were special from the moment you came in to that exam room and stitched me up. I just didn't know how truly special you'd come to be to us in only a matter of days, but now, I think it was more than fate that had our paths cross the way they did that night, nurse Swan. I've never been one to believe in mere coincidences, instead I put my faith in the big man upstairs and leave it all in His hands. Better to be there than ever in my own, I say, and while I can't understand why He needed our Lillian with him up in heaven so soon, I can rest easy at night knowing that she's watching over us, over Jacob and over her baby girl. It gives me some comfort, albeit not much, but some nonetheless."

"I'm so sorry Mr. Dawson." I breathed, wiping at the tears that threatened to spill once more and seeing his endearing gaze soften at the sight of my emotion.

"Do you remember what I told you about the unexpected in this life?" He asked, dropping his hand from my face, as he glanced back to Jacob behind us.

"Yes, I remember."

"This is your unexpected, dear. Only you can decide what to do with it. Whether to run like hell in the other direction or to face it with all the courage and grace you can muster."

"...b-but Mr. Dawson, I..."

"Please don't run, Bella. Don't let the uncertainty scare you so much that you stay hidden away from the life you once wanted. My Lillian always believed in never looking back once she'd found what she truly wanted and even though it terrified her sometimes, she never regretted her choice. Not once. So, my hope for you is that you embrace the unexpected and that you live this fleeting life to the fullest while you still have it. Losing Lillian has taught me a harsh lesson of my own much in the same way. We can't ever take things for granted, because time is not promised to us."

I silently stared back at him, feeling my hands tremble when I saw Jacob glance down the hall in our direction, his pained gaze settling over me while I took in what Shawn was saying.

"You're right. It's not."

"Did I ever tell you that Martha and Lilly used to write to each other? I know, with all the advancements we have in technology, not very many people do it anymore, but for them there was always something so special about putting pen to paper with their communications. They've done it from the time Lilly was just a small girl, maybe eight or so, and they treasured all of them. We still have her letters and we'll never part with them, especially now, cause they are a piece of her that we'll never have again."

"That's so special." I tearfully agreed as he continued.

"Yes, it is. In the letters, she told us all about where Jacob was from and how she found it to be beautiful. She loved his family like her own and she talked about how Billy had shown her a photo album one day, filled with pictures of Jacobs mother and his sisters, and a little girl who was seen in almost all of them."

I swallowed hard and saw his knowing gaze sweep over my face as recognition crossed his features.

"Mr. Dawson-..."

"Lillian described her almost perfectly in her letters to Martha back then. She said her hair was the most beautiful shade of brown that she'd ever seen, almost mahogany is what she wrote, and that her eyes were the richest brown and so full of a light that was almost contagious whenever she smiled in the photos. She told Martha that the photos only went to a certain age of her, like she suddenly stopped coming around or moved maybe. She described the last picture of her to be the best one. Said it was of Jacob sitting on a dirt bike with this same girl, all grown as a teenager and on the back with him, the two of them smiling brightly when it was taken. Lillian was always so good at writing. She painted us a picture of her life with every letter she sent to Martha, and the picture in my mind of this girl was what made me look twice at you that night in the exam room. You see, even though we never saw these pictures ourselves, her descriptions gave us a pretty good idea."

"That was a long time ago-..."

"It was you, nurse swan. You were the girl from the pictures, only now the light in your eyes that our Lillian described is missing. I hope you get it back when you return to Washington."

"Me too." I countered, as he drew me into a hug then.

"Don't let the light in Jacobs eyes go out from this. Find a way to keep it there for him. Lillian wouldn't want it to be taken away from her death. She would hate that. I'll see you back in La'Push the day after tomorrow when we lay her to rest. Be safe in your travels, dear."

He released me then and walked away, his words leaving me there to peer down the hall after him in a stunned silence.

I watched him take hold of Martha while the two of them made their way to the exit and out into the cold while my head spun from all he had said to me.

Jacob stood by the nurses station, his own gaze lingering on them as they went. I drew in a steadying breath and refocused my attention as Natalie gave me a hug, her whispered words at my ear as she held onto me.

"Please, take care of yourself while you're gone and we'll all be right here waiting for you when you get back."

"Thank you, Natalie. I really appreciate all you did. You're meddling wasn't a bad thing this time around and I'm grateful for it."

"You're welcome and I'll take that as a compliment."

"I'll let you know when we land in Washington." I assured her then, placing a hand on Jacobs forearm and gesturing ahead. "We should get going. Are you ready?"

"As ready as I'm gonna be." He nervously countered when we stepped out into the wintery day, the air cutting through me, as I reached over for Clarissa's jacket and tucked it further in around her.

When we reached the parking garage and I spotted my car, I hit the unlock button and placed the few bags Jacob had into the trunk. He put the car seat in the back and I helped him to secure it, checking to be sure that it was in correctly and facing the way it should be. When Jacob checked it over a third time, I placed the key in the ignition and turned up the heat, as he carefully laid Clarissa in the car seat and secured her in there.

His strong hands shook when he stepped back from the car and let out a breath, his eyes searching mine while he tried to stem the anxiety that was trying to overwhelm him. He was struggling to get in the passenger side as I held the door open for him, his face now awash with fear that made me reach out for him.

"You can sit in the back with her so you can see her better, Jake. It's alright." I assured him, but he didn't budge, and soon he struggled to even focus on what I was saying, his jaw tensing and his eyes fixed on my car with immense fear etched into his face.

"I can still hear the metal." He suddenly gasped, his dark eyes going wide when I stepped in front of him.

"... of the crash?"

He nodded but kept his gaze on Clarissa as she fell asleep in her new car seat.

"I can't bring myself to get in."

"Jacob, it's okay. We can wait here as long as you need to."

"...but the pack and your father and Billy. They're all expecting us at the airport soon."

"I can call and tell them we're gonna be a bit longer and to go on ahead without us. I'm sure they'll understand."

"I hate this." He ground out. "It shouldn't be this fucking hard."

"It should and it's normal. It's okay not to be okay sometimes, Jake. It really is."

"I'm sorry. I'm wasting your time." He sighed, running a hand through his hair and tugging harshly at the roots, as he looked around the parking garage.

"Don't be. I have loads of time and I'm not going anywhere." I replied, recalling the very same thing he'd said to me right before his world had been turned upside down the first time, back when our lives were much simpler. That memory felt so distant and seemed like a lifetime ago now.

Jacob stilled when I said this and I heard his sharp intake of breath as he looked toward the car again, the torment on his face causing my heart to ache for him when he uttered his nearly inaudible reply.

"Please don't."

"Let's try to take it a step at a time?" I hedged, opening the back door so he could see Clarissa again, and waiting for some of the fear to recede from him as he took a few steps my way, his need to be close to her, moving him forward now.

"One step at a time."

After a few more minutes, he was able to climb in the backseat and close the door without having a panic attack, and when I put the car in drive and started down the road, he kept his focus on Clarissa and the miles steadily began to fade away behind us. It wasn't long before my road came in to view and I turned the corner that led to my colonial home at the end of Town House road. It had taken a year of heavy remodeling and painting nearly every damn weekend before I could truly call it home, but now, I was more proud of that little crooked house than much else in my life. There was still a lot of work that needed to be done to it, but I was looking forward to growing old with it and making it more and more my own. The lot it sat on was rich with beautiful landscape and measured just under fifteen acres of land. There was nothing like the view of the lake from my quant front porch and I had taken time to scour through the local antique shops we had here along the coast to find the perfect décor for the interior. It was homey and warm, something I craved daily from living in a state where the seasons were thankfully ever changing, but with a harsher Winter that was long and lasted well into April at times.

I brought the car to a stop and looked back to see Jacob now taking in the view around him for the first time since we'd left the parking garage at the hospital.

"This is your place, Bells?" He asked, opening the back door and stepping out into the freshly fallen snow that crunched under his boots.

"Yeah, this is home sweet home for me."

"It's beautiful out here." He stated.

"Thank you." I replied, stepping out and seeing him lift Clarissa's seat out of the back and follow me toward the front door. I reached up and retrieved the hidden spare key above me, swiftly placing it in the lock and turning it as we headed inside.

"How long have you been here?"

"A little over a year." I replied, hurriedly getting a bag from my closet and packing only a few necessities for the trip. I was nearly done when Jacob set Clarissa's carrier down on the floor beside him, being sure she was still warm enough, and approached me. I zipped up the duffle and stilled when his strained voice filled the silence around us.

"Bells, I know it was hard for you to do this, but I'm thankful that you did. I don't know what tomorrow will look like, or any of the days after that, but thank you for agreeing to come back."

I set the duffle bag in my hand by the door and held his sorrow filled gaze as I reached out for his hand.

"I wish I could take it from you, Jacob. I would if I could. I know there's nothing I could ever say that could make this better for you, but I'll be there to reach for if you need me. You can count on that. I hope it's enough."

He did his best to keep his composure as he drew me into a hug with his sincere reply.

"It is."

I wrapped my arms tighter around him as he trembled with the grief he was fighting against, the constant hold on it thoroughly exhausting for him, like swimming against a current he couldn't find his way out of. His heart was beating hard and he struggled to drag the air back into his lungs as I offered the only words I could.

"If you fall apart, I promise to be there and I promise not to let go. I'll carry this with you."

**A/N: Thanks for reading this late update and please leave a review with your thoughts. New update in the morning. Till then :-)**


	17. Chapter 17

**CHAPTER SEVENTEEN**

**(BPOV)**

We rushed to the airport and made it just in time to hear our flight being called over the intercom. Charlie and Billy frantically waved us over as the check in line grew with anxious passengers who were all waiting to board their flight.

"What the hell took you so long? You had us worried." Charlie nervously stated, as his hands reached out to gather our bags when we rushed toward them.

"Sorry, I took longer to pack than I thought. It was my fault." I replied, giving Jacobs hand a light squeeze when I felt his body tense there next to mine in response to the crowd of people that surrounded us.

"How you hanging in there, son?" Billy asked, his tone laced with concern when he looked our way.

"I'm alright." Jacob tensely replied as the line began to move forward.

The plane ride had been long and after we'd been in the air for over two hours, Clarissa started to settle back down and to Jacobs relief, was fast asleep again in only a few short minutes later.

Charlie and Billy were also out like a light within the first twenty-minutes after take off and this left Jacob and I on our own for any form of entertainment to pass the time by. I brought a good book with me to read and after the third chapter, I glanced over to see Jacob intently watching Clarissa while she slept, his husky voice low when he spoke in a strained whisper to me.

"Have you flown much since you moved to Maine?" He inquired.

"A few times, yes. Mostly for training and clinical education time. We're required to have so much each year. I flew to Alaska last year with Dr. Niles and a few other nurses from Pen Bay. It was fun but exhausting." I admitted, tentatively reaching out to move a lock of Clarissa's dark curly hair out of her sweet face.

"That sounds intense. I've only flown with Lillian one other time. It was last Summer when she tried to see her folks in Cape Cod. They stood us up and we turned it into a mini-vacation of sorts." He replied, the distain evident in his deep baritone when he spoke of Peter and Judy.

"Have they always been that way?" I asked, seeing the line in his strong jaw flex at the question.

"Yeah, for the most part. They tried with me at first. Gave it a real shot when Lillian and I started dating, but it didn't last long. Her mother was far more tolerable of me than her father ever was. Something about him never settled right with me. He treated Lilly like an option in his life instead of a priority and it angered me to see the way he treated her. He definitely wasn't like Charlie is with you. He never called or checked in with her. Who the hell does that? How do you not take time out of your day and reach out to your kid? Grown or not?" Jacob sighed, with a shake of his head. "I could never do that. You're supposed to care enough to check in with your family."

"I'm sorry it was like that for her. That sounds awful."

"It was. I watched her cry herself to sleep over the rejection she felt from Peter more times than I could count and it only made me more pissed at the guy. Lilly never deserved that."

"They still haven't tried to contact you back?"

"No, and I'm not surprised. The last conversation we had didn't go so well." Jacob regretfully stated, his gaze filling with bitter remorse when it met mine.

"What happened?" I timidly countered.

"Peter was flying in from Pittsburgh. Headed back from some business convention he and a bunch of his colleagues attended and like he always did, he called Lilly and told her he'd stop in for dinner. That he wanted to spend some time with her. Lilly was only six months pregnant with Clarissa at the time and she spent an entire Saturday preparing for his visit to our house on the Reservation. She worked tirelessly, cleaning and cooking this four course meal. She even bought wine for him, which she couldn't stand the sight of herself, but she wanted everything to be perfect for when he showed up. I knew in my gut what was gonna happen but I didn't have it in me to tell her. I couldn't break her heart like that, so I went along with the plan and when dinner time rolled around, she set the table and waited for him, only the ass never showed. He called Lilly three hours later with some bullshit excuse about where he'd been and what had occupied his time. Lilly was devastated and it tore her apart. The stress of the whole damn things, made her almost lose Clarissa. It put her in pre-term labor at twenty- three weeks and I'd had enough. We were scared out of our minds that we'd lose Clarissa. The doctors stopped it but I called him from her cell phone once we were back home and lost my damn cool with the guy. Said some things I probably shouldn't have. I was so angry with him. Needless to say, he didn't speak to me for months after and I was fine with it, till now of course."

"He sounds like a real jerk." I testily replied, stealing a glance over to my snoring father and silently counting my blessings. Charlie may not be perfect, but he was always there for me when I really needed him.

"He was. Lilly was used to it, but she still tried to have a connection with him. After all, he was her father, but I put my foot down after his last no show."

"I don't blame you." I replied, as he drew in a solid breath and looked my way again.

"He's only seen Clarissa once since she was born. Never even came to the hospital for her delivery. Judy was there though. She at least showed up this time. Sorry, enough about that."

"No, it's alright. I like us talking like this. Been too long." I replied, as he placed his hand over mine.

"Yeah, it has. Tell me what you love about Maine." He thoughtfully asked.

"Well, the weather is actually really nice there in the Summer months, but they are fleeting, and of course, there's my job."

"Bells, I'm proud of you. I really am. What you do for work makes a difference in peoples lives. That's no small thing."

I turned my head and saw the sincerity in his gaze then as I nodded to him.

"Thank you, Jacob. That means a lot to me coming from you. I had my doubts that I could cut it at first."

"I never did." He hedged, leaning in closer as his shoulder nudged mine. "I always knew you were gonna take this world by storm. You just needed to be reminded that you could and you did."

"Thanks for the reminder." I softly replied. "... and for believing in me even when I didn't believe in myself."

"I don't deserve the credit." He began to argue, pausing when I shook my head to him in protest.

"You do, Jacob. There were times I could hear your voice in my head when I was really struggling or when the sight of blood made me want to pass out at first."

"Guess those days are long gone, right? You don't even flinch now. You're incredible at what you do, Bells."

"Thanks, Jake."

"Is there anything you miss about Washington?"

His tone was even when he asked this, but I caught the slight fall in his face while he waited for me to answer.

"Of course there are things I miss. Things I miss everyday."

"...but not the rain, right?"

"No, definitely not the constant cloud cover and rain. That I don't miss. I've missed other parts of Washington though and despite all the many beautiful beaches I've been to in Maine, none of them compare to First Beach."

"Same…" He admitted. "There's no place like it."

"Did Lillian love the beauty of it?" I asked, assuming I already knew his answer but when his piercing eyes held mine with his reply, I learned just how wrong I was.

"I never took her there, Bells."

He went silent for a few minutes then, his gaze wandering toward the window and peering out through it at the many clouds that seemed like they were close enough for us to reach out and touch if we wanted to. I turned my attention back to my book and read another chapter before Jacob leaned his head back and closed his eyes, his sleep restless over the next hour. I soon set the book down and peered out the window beside him as the captain announced when we would be landing and how much time we had remaining on the flight. We were down to the final thirty-minutes and I felt my anxiety begin to peak at the thought of what would be waiting for us when we landed.

Jacobs head came to rest on my shoulder and I looked over to see Billy peering back at us with a knowing nod, his troubled gaze glued to his son as he slept.

It wasn't long before I felt the plane begin it's descend, the slight turbulence from it startling him awake as he raised his head and held my gaze.

"Almost home?" He asked.

"Yeah, almost home."

"Are you staying with Charlie?"

"That's the plan." I replied, noting the hesitation on his face when he leaned back and sat up straighter in his seat.

He pulled out his cell phone and swiftly answered a text from Sam, his eyes narrowing at the screen as he noted the several new voicemails waiting to be heard.

"I have to take her possessions over to the funeral home once we get to Forks." He breathed, his hand coming up to rub his eyes as he swallowed hard and looked my way. "What's the right thing to bury her in?"

The lost expression he wore was truly heartbreaking and I gingerly laced my fingers through his.

"Jacob, you can choose whatever you want to lay her to rest in. I'm sure whatever you pick will be perfect for her."

"Will you come back to the Reservation with me?" He asked, his hand tightening in my own as the plane landed on the tarmac.

**A/N: Thanks for reading and for all your great reviews. Please let me know your thoughts and look for another update tomorrow. :-)**


	18. Chapter 18

**CHAPTER EIGTHEEN**

**(BPOV)**

I tightly clutched the luggage in my hands and followed closely behind Billy and Charlie while we deplaned. We carefully moved through the throngs of people and stayed close together while we made our way to gate three. The first face I saw was a friendly one and I was more than thankful. Emily stepped out from the crowd that surrounded her and held up her big white sign with all of our names written on it. Her dark eyes nervously scanned the many nameless faces in front of her before she caught sight of Jacob and came running to us. She dropped the sign and took hold of him with her heartfelt condolences.

"I'm so sorry, Jacob. I'm so very sorry."

Jacob was utterly mute when he wrapped his free arm around her in a tight hug.

"We brought her home." Billy tearfully offered. "She's back where she belongs with all of us."

"Everyone is waiting for you back on the Res. Sam and the others didn't beat you back by much." Emily softly added, as she reached out for me, her glossy gaze holding mine when she released Jacob and wrapped her arms around me. "I'm so glad you came back, Bella."

I hugged her back and felt the lump return in my throat when I saw the heart rendering expression that crossed Billy's face when he saw this.

"Thank you, Emily."

"We've all missed you so much. I hope you know that." Emily replied, her sweet and nurturing nature drawing me to her when she took my face in her hands and looked to Charlie. "We need her back here. We really do."

Charlie merely nodded and winked to me in response to her comment and I felt my cheeks warm from the blush that was beginning to settle there.

"I've missed being here." I confessed to her.

"I'm sure you all are famished. There's plenty of hot food and beverages back at my place. I was sure to make enough to go around."

"Always the perfect host." Billy smiled to her and she hugged him before reaching down to help me with my bags.

We followed her out into the cold rain and she helped us get settled into the awaiting cab, her saddened gaze meeting Jacobs, before she closed the door and went back inside for Billy and Charlie.

Emily was as sweet as I remembered her to be and I found myself eager to get back to La'Push. The nerves that I felt faded away at the sight of her welcoming and sincere smile. She made me remember just how much I loved the sense of family they all shared and how important it was at times like these. It was a feeling I had all but forgotten about since I left for Maine and had been on my own.

I sat silently inside the cab, checking my phone and sending a text to Tina to let her know we had landed safe and sound in Washington. I watched in heartbreaking silence as Jacob placed Clarissa in her seat and climbed back out of the cab. He shook hands with a middle aged man in a suit and tie who handed him something to sign before he turned away from him.

The coroner headed back through the gate and was soon accompanied by three other men who followed closely behind him. They were collecting Lillians body from the cargo bay and I drew in a shaky breath as Jacob stayed standing outside in the pouring rain, his eyes trained after the men who disappeared from his view in seconds. Clarissa began to cry, and I hurriedly found the pacifier in the diaper bag that Tina had kindly packed for us before we left Pen Bay and gave it to her. This seemed to sooth her enough for the time being and I watched her sweet face turn my way then, her big brown eyes framed with thick lashes now peering up at me with expectancy. My hand gingerly reached out for hers and I stilled when she curled her tiny palm tightly around my index finger. She had the most precious face that I'd ever seen, and I inwardly cringed when I thought of how she was being unfairly forced to face this life without her beautiful mother by her side to guide her and love her.

The minutes carried on and I soon placed a soft kiss to Clarissa's forehead, as I got out of the cab and went around to Jacob who still hadn't moved an inch since he'd signed those papers from the coroner.

He didn't blink or budge when I stepped in front of him, my gaze roaming over his soaked shirt and jeans while he stood there shaking.

"Jake, are you alright?"

He didn't answer me at first and I took a step closer, my hand reaching out for his and feeling his fingers thread through mine as he continued to stare numbly ahead of him.

"I can't do this by myself." He hoarsely admitted.

"You're not by yourself, Jacob. You're not alone." I reminded him with a gentle squeeze of my hand. "... and you can do this. We're all gonna be there."

"The coroner is meeting me at the funeral home at six tonight. I have to set up a time for her wake and then the services and-..."

His voice was rough when he spoke this, the words sounding like they were being forcefully torn from his throat and I felt my heart break all over again when his eyes finally met mine.

"One step at a time, remember?" I quietly reminded him as the rain steadily poured down and soaked us both to the bone.

I held his anguished gaze, the deja vu moment causing me to be thrown back into a time when I was in front of him, begging for the truth, begging to be let in on whatever secret he was keeping. I shook my head from the memory and felt him tug me toward the cab as he opened the door and gestured for me to get back in.

The ride to La'Push was long and full of a stony silence that made my stomach fill with nervous dread the closer we got to the Reservation. When we passed a small pale blue house, I caught sight of the wince that crossed Jacobs features and I knew that was where he and Lillian shared their life together. The cab slowed but Jacob insisted that the driver keep going until we reached Sam and Emily's. The yard was full of cars, full of people who loved them both, of people who wanted to embrace him in his time of grief, but when the cab drew to a stop on the curb, Jacob looked panic stricken. His darkened gaze was wide and his hand blindly reached out for mine when he opened the door.

"You can do this." I encouraged, helping him gather the luggage from the back and pausing when Sam suddenly appeared next to me. His hand laying over mine, as a somber smile graced his tired face with his greeting.

"Want some help with that?"

"Yeah, thanks. Seems like you all made incredible time."

"We're still fast as hell. That hasn't changed." He admitted, with a bit of pride lingering in his baritone.

Charlie and Billy arrived just minutes after we did and I could see the weariness that plagued poor Billy's face when my dad helped him get settled in his chair. He caught my hand when they passed by on their way to Sam's front porch and he pulled me close.

"Can't tell you what it means that you came back with us, Bella." Billy stated, as he held my hand tightly in his.

"There's no other place I'd rather be right now. How are you doing? Are you feeling alright?"

"I'm fairing just fine. Don't you worry about me." He replied, but I could already see in his poor color that he was far from okay.

"Billy, have you taken your meds these past few days?"

He shook his head to me and I halted the rolling of his chair with an alarmed gaze to Charlie.

"There are more pressing matters to be concerned with than that." Billy argued.

"Your health is still very important." I countered, digging out my cell phone and checking the hours for the local pharmacy we had in Forks.

"How long have you been out of your meds, Billy?" Charlie demanded, his harsh tone catching Jacobs attention. He handed Clarissa to Emily who smiled brightly at her and took her in out of the damp air.

"Not long. Just a week or so-..." He begrudgingly admitted.

"...or so?" I hedged. "Billy...-"

"You damn well no better than that. You could go into a diabetic coma." Charlie lightly scolded when he wheeled him up to Sams front door.

"I know, Chief. I know."

"How many days, dad? Tell the truth." Jacob sternly added, his eyes taking in the pale color of Billy's complexion when he hunkered down in front of him. "I know you're worried for me, but I need you healthy. No more skipping meds."

Billy nodded as Charlie got him out of the cold rain and helped him to dry off.

"The pharmacy is open till eight tonight. If you want, I can make the trip into town and get it for him? He really shouldn't go any longer without it. You know how dangerous that is for him."

Jacob reached in his back pocket for a set of keys and his wallet then, his concerned gaze following after Billy when he soon offered me some cash.

"Are you sure you're up for the trip back into town? Been a long day, Bells. For everybody."

"I'm sure. He needs those meds. I'll be back before you know it." I assured him, noticing the worry in his gaze when he replied.

"Here, take the rabbit. I still have it. Sam's been keeping it here for me the last few years. I tinker on it when I can and it needs some work still but it runs and it's safe."

"Thanks, but I got the cost covered. Don't worry about it. Keep your money."

Jacob moved in closer to me, his whispered reply low enough so that Charlie and Billy couldn't hear.

"Bells, his diabetes medication has almost tripled in the past year. Lillian and I have been paying for it out of pocket. Dad just can't afford it anymore. It's a lot. So, please take the money."

I swallowed hard at his words, my anger about our ever failing healthcare system showing in my reddened cheeks, as I stared back at him and gently pushed the cash in his outstretched hand away.

"I know how ridiculously expensive it is for insulin today, but I really want to do this for the two of you. Please let me? You'd be robbing me of a blessing if you didn't."

He sighed and tucked the money back in his wallet before dropping the keys for his rabbit into my palm.

"Take it slow. You know how old she is."

"I will and I'm surprised you kept her all this time."

"Some things are irreplaceable." He replied, closing my hand around the keys and slowly raising his head to meet my curious gaze.

"That they are." I timidly agreed.

Sam's kitchen was full of chatter and I hadn't made it out the door, before Quil and Embry caught sight of us lingering there in the entryway.

"Hey, where you going? Man, you're leaving us again already? We just got you back!" Embry asked, throwing an arm around Jacob as he checked on his best friend. "You doing okay, bro?"

"No, I'm exhausted and Bella won't be gone long." Jacob replied to him with a meaningful glance my way when I opened the door. "Right?"

His voice faltered on the last word and I paused there when I heard the fracture that started to show in his mask. The one that he continued to wear for everybody else's benefit. He shrugged out of Embry's hold and held open the door for me, his eyes seeking mine with a desperation behind them that was enough to shatter any heart with just one glance.

"I'll be back before Emily's chilly is done cooking." I lightheartedly offered, trying to bring that warm smile back to his face even if I knew it would only be short lived and temporary, but it didn't show and I reached for him instead. "Save me a bowl before the rest of the pack gobbles it up?"

"I will." He replied, with a heavy sigh. "...or at least, I'll try."

"Do you need anything else for Clarissa while I'm out?"

"I don't think so."

I offered him a weak smile then and ran out into the rain, my teeth chattering when I jumped into the rabbit and started the engine. It sputtered to life and I wrapped my hands tightly around the steering wheel as I tore off for Forks.

I made it to the pharmacy in one piece, despite the pounding rain and did little to hide my shock when the pharmacist told me the cost of Billy's vial of insulin.

"That will be $245 please." The young woman with bleach blonde hair requested, her glasses sitting low on her nose and reminding me of Natalie as she waited for me to pay.

I slid the credit card over to her and she eagerly snatched it up, her fingers hurriedly typing in the info and processing the payment in a few short seconds. Meanwhile, I stood on the other side of the counter, my face paling as I thought of how the charge would push me toward the high end of my credit limit for the card, but it didn't matter. I'd pay it off with some overtime next month. My biggest concern was taking some of the burden off Jacobs shoulders, in any way I could, while I was here. It was the least I could do and truthfully, everything else felt out of my hands and beyond my control and I hated that.

"Here you are. Have a great evening." The pharmacist stated in her high pitched and too peppy tone, and I had to refrain from rolling my eyes at her when I nodded and took the white bag placed on the counter.

I left the pharmacy and headed for the grocery store, my mental list of things growing by the minute when I soon ran inside and grabbed a cart. I picked over the baby aisle first, grabbing enough diapers, wipes and formula to last Clarissa for the next month or longer. My next hunt was in the freezer section, where I grabbed as many frozen dinners as I could pile into the cart. Anything from Lasagna and meatloaf to enchiladas and hungry man meals, something I was all too familiar with because of Charlie. This was what he lived on when he didn't order from the diner in town since I'd left for Maine years ago. I paused when I rounded the corner that led me down the cleaning aisle, my gaze falling on the petite framed woman who was trying to decide which scented bleach to buy, her long dark hair falling over her shoulders in soft waves.

Angela Webber stood in front of me with a toddler on one hip and another clinging to her leg for dear life.

"McKenna, please get up off the floor for mommy. You know we have to go. Daddy is waiting in the car for us." She pleaded with the small dark haired child persistently tugging on the hem of her jeans.

"Angela?"

She looked up and saw me then, her face full of shock and delight as she stared back at me.

"Bella?"

I moved away from the cart and eagerly threw my arms around her.

"You look wonderful!"

"So do you!" She complimented in return with a wide smile that lit up her pretty face. "What are you doing in town? Are you here for a visit with Charlie! Goodness, it's been so long since the last time I saw you!"

I pulled back from our embrace and saw her face fall when she saw the saddened expression I wore.

"No, I-I'm not back for just a visit."

"Is everything okay? Is it Charlie?" She worriedly asked, setting both of her young children back in the grocery cart.

"Charlie's okay. Its not him." I assured her, seeing the worry in her gaze fade some upon hearing this.

"...Well then who-"

"Do you remember Jacob?"

Angela kept a hand on her active toddlers and she smiled at the mention of him.

"Of course I remember Jacob Black. He owns a body shop in La'Push right? Ben and I have taken a few of our older vehicles in to his place for repair. He does great work and he's fair about his prices."

"Yeah, that's him. There was an accident the day before Thanksgiving and he-..." I went silent then as the emotion in my voice made me stop mid-sentence.

"Oh, Bella-... is he alright?"

"He is but his wife...- she...- she didn't make it, Angela."

I watched as Angela's face went pale, her eyes wide with horror when they filled with tears.

"Oh my gosh, Bella. I'm so sorry to hear that. He must be devastated." She replied.

"He is."

"Please tell him Ben and I send our condolences?"

"I will, Angela. Thank you."

"I wish I had more time to stay and talk. How long are you in town for? Maybe we can get dinner before you go back? I would really love to catch up with you."

"I'm honestly not sure, but yeah, I'd love that."

She gave me another hug then and promised to be in touch as she wrangled her two precious kiddos toward the check out. She was happy. I could tell just by the way she looked down at them. How her face would brighten at the sight of them as they stuck close to her. She'd married her high school sweetheart and they had made a family together. I couldn't have been happier for her.

I soon checked out and charged another few hundred to the credit card in my back pocket, as I paid for the supplies I thought Jacob and Clarissa would need most in the upcoming weeks.

When I arrived back at Sam and Emily's, I peeked my head in through the door and motioned for Paul and Embry to meet me outside. They did so discretely and I showed them the bags that were piled high in the rabbits back seat.

"Can you two do me a favor?"

"Sure thing." Paul huffed in reply.

"Do you have a key to Jacobs place? Is there a way you could get this stuff inside and in the freezer before it starts to unthaw?"

"Course we can." Embry chuckled. "We all have keys around here. Nothing's sacred in these parts. Consider it done, Bella."

"Thank you so much. He needs all of it." I replied, hugging them as I grabbed Billy's insulin and headed inside.

Jacob met me at the door and I handed him the bag for his father and his keys for the rabbit.

"Run okay for you? Give ya' any trouble along the way?"

"Ran like a charm. Same as I remembered." I replied, noting the unease that crossed his face when he glanced down at his cell. "Is it time?"

"Yeah, they left me a message half hour ago. They're waiting for me down at the funeral home. I told them I'd be on my way shortly. I have to go back to the house and pick out what to bury her in."

I shuddered at the hoarse and strained tone he spoke this in as he placed the keys back in my hand. His action and tearful gaze making a silent plea that his mouth couldn't form. I took hold of his hand and gestured for the door.

"I can come with you or I can stay right here. Whatever you want, Jacob. Whatever you need." I whispered.

He reached out and zipped up my jacket with a dreadful gaze ahead of us before leading me back outside into the cold rain with him.

**A/N: It has been six days too long since my last update! I'm so sorry but I hopefully made up for it with this chapter being long! Please tell me your thoughts in a review! :-)**


	19. Chapter 19

**CHAPTER NINETEEN**

**(BPOV)**

Jacob swiftly turned off the engine to the rabbit when we pulled up in front of the dimly lit funeral home, the sound of the rain pounding down on the roof filling the cab, as I looked his way and saw his mask begin to slip further.

This was going to be hell and I didn't know how he would emerge from the flames at the end, or if he would be able to emerge from them at all. In my profession and on the job I held, I'd seen my fair share of grieving parents, scared out of their mind friends, and inconsolable spouses cradling their children who screamed out in terror when we wheeled their loved one away from them. It was all part of the life that came with being a trauma nurse, and I thought that witnessing such things like this would be the worst of it. That telling a crying spouse or a pacing parent that their significant other had perished would be the most horrific part of the job, but as I sat here in the darkened car with Jacob, I realized that there were far worse things out there to face.

He looked liked he was stuck somewhere between reality and what he wished to be different, caught somewhere in the middle of letting go and hanging on to his Lillian for dear life. Seeing him this way made me question everything I knew about grief and about the process of it all. Who the hells job was it anyway to decide the length of time one needed to say a final goodbye to someone they would have easily sacrificed themselves for, for someone they would have willingly traded places with if it meant that they got the second chance at this fleeting thing called life.

Jacob had already seen his fair share of pain and I visibly winced when I looked over to him and recalled the last time he'd graced this very door step. When the horrendous accident that had tragically taken his mother had been so horrific that they had to keep her casket closed during the funeral. I could still close my eyes and see the tears that dripped down his small cheeks as an innocent nine year old boy, his hand enclosed tightly in his sisters who sat on either side of him while they buried her.

My stomach tightened as an unmovable knot formed there when he reached for his door handle and got out, his face unreadable as he retreated around to my side and motioned for me to come in with him.

I followed behind him, noticing the rigidness in his form when he swung open the heavy wooden door and escorted me inside, my face instantly paling when the same coroner from the airport stepped out and greeted us both with a remorseful nod of his head.

"Mr. Black, we've been expecting you."

Jacob cleared his throat and silently handed over Lillian's personal belongings then. All of them he'd gathered in a small bag of hers when he stopped at their house along the way. I had stayed in the car for as long as I could but when the minutes began to steadily pass, I'd forced myself to get out and hesitantly followed after him.

The door was left cracked open and it squeaked in protest when the hinges moved. I nervously peeked my head in around the door and saw the many paintings that covered the walls in their tiny home. They were unique and exquisite and I reached out to touch the first one when I heard the footsteps coming from down the hall. I stilled and let my hand fall as Jacob stepped out into the light of the doorway, his tears glistening down his cheeks with a bag clutched firmly in his left hand.

"I chose the blue one. She wore it on our first date. I forgot she even had it." He offered, holding up the robin egg blue dress that was made of a soft silk.

I could barely move or form a reply when he met my gaze. His eyes were filled with the kind of pain that would make anyone want to scream, but his mouth remained locked shut and his lips set in a firm line as he headed back outside.

"It's beautiful, Jacob." I breathed after him, my voice barely above a whisper.

He only nodded in reply as we got back in the Rabbit and headed for town, his hands struggling to keep a good grip on the steering wheel in front of him as they shook while we went.

"Are these the items you've chosen to be laid to rest with her? The dress you would like her to be laid in?" The coroner asked, his gaze going to me briefly while he patiently waited for Jacobs reply.

Seconds passed and he didn't answer him, his hand still curled tightly around the cloth bag and his eyes glued to it.

I timidly placed a hand on his shoulder and gave the coroner a slight nod as my hand came to rest on his forearm.

"Jake...-"

He let out a breath and reluctantly released the bag he had in a death grip, his eyes welling with more tears as he deplored the death of his Lillian. The coroner looked between us with a paled and unsure expression when he tugged the bag toward him, his own hands trembling some when he noticed the unbreakable hold Jacob previously had on it. The undertaker slowly approached him then, her long hair falling straight down her back and rich in chestnut color, her blue eyes soft and full of nothing but compassion when she met Jacobs anguished stare, the bereavement plainly showing in his face when he raised his head to her.

"Mr. Black, I'm Leanne. Let me first say that we are very sorry for your loss. I'll be the one taking care of your wife's funeral arrangements and her service. Have we decided on a time and do we have an estimate on the crowd that will be arriving here tomorrow?

"It's Jacob. Call me Jacob."

"Alright, Jacob." She complied with a tender smile his way, her heavily red painted lips parting over a set of perfectly white teeth with her simple gesture.

"I-I didn't get the numbers." He whispered in despair to me, his eyes roaming over my face as he tried to mentally calculate who would show for her funeral and who wouldn't. "Peter and Judy haven't called me back. Should I even count on them- and then there's some of her friends from her old school. They don't even know yet. I haven't had time to call all of them."

"It's okay. Can we have a minute, please? Would that be alright?" I softly asked Leanne, seeing her nod and quietly depart with the coroner as they left us alone.

Jacob shook his head and turned from me, his hands running through his cropped hair with a distressed sigh.

"I fucked this up already. I can't even fucking bury her right for shits sake!" He yelled, plopping down in the red cushioned chair by the door.

I looked around and counted the rows of seats in front of us, checking my math twice before offering him a count in reply.

"You didn't mess anything up. Take a deep breath. From what I count, there's enough seating for eighty people. Maybe even a dozen more if you needed a few more chairs as an after thought."

Jacob lifted his sorrowful gaze and looked around with me, noting the amount of room and nodding as he stood next to me.

"We'll need to book the whole room then. That's twice the money. I've already checked."

"Don't worry about the cost. Mr. and Mrs. Dawson are already on their way here. They're set to arrive at early dawn tomorrow. Martha called me from the airport."

"When did you take care of that?" Jacob disbelievingly countered, his tone troubled.

"I told Natalie to give them my cell number after we left and she did. I wanted them to have it just in case. I hoped it would help."

"Thank you, Bella."

"Of course."

Leanne soon returned with her papers and pen in hand and I sat down next to Jacob as he went over the finer details of Lillian's funeral with her. He was specific in the fact that he didn't want a viewing, just the funeral service itself and when Leanna kindly asked him if he wanted Lillian's casket to be open, he struggled to even give her an answer. After a slight nod, she stood and retreated to a back office with the mound of paperwork that Jacob signed, his John Hancock scribbled on half a dozen pages or more by the end of it.

This dreaded place brought back painful memories for him. Memories I often wondered if they ever kept him up at night. I felt my chest grow heavy when he leaned forward and placed his head in his hands, his strained words coming out in a choked gasp.

"I haven't been here since-..."

"I know...-" I quietly replied, my mind wandering back to when I myself was a mere child and staring wide eyed at the sadness on Billy's face when he laid his Sarah to rest. I could still remember every detail of that rainy day, recalling how the weather seemed to match the sorrow in everyone's hearts. I could still even remember the tears that were cried by all who came, and the remorse that filled Charlie's face when he took my hand and led us out to the car after the service was over.

I delicately placed my hand over Jacobs as Leanne headed back our way with a final paper for him to sign.

"This is the last of it. Thank you for being patient with us. We want everything to be perfect for you tomorrow. We are sorry for the delay."

"That's alright." Jacob replied, scribbling down his signature once more and handing her back the ballpoint pen. She smiled weakly at him and handed over his copy of all the needed documents in a white folder.

"These are for your records. As you requested, the service will start at ten in the morning and there will be an arrangement then made for a Spring Burial afterwards. Take all the time you need to look them over tonight. If there's anything you need changed, please call us in the morning, and we will be sure to tend to it accordingly." She turned to leave then as we rose from our seats and headed for the double wooden doors, her parting words suddenly halting us there. "Oh, I forgot to ask, do you have the names of the Pallbearers who will be carrying your wife's casket tomorrow? We've already reserved the cherry wood design you selected."

Jacob released my hand and looked back her way, as Leanne hurriedly prepared to jot them down, his simple request catching her off guard when he spoke it.

"Sam Uley, Paul Lahote, Embry Call, Seth Clearwater, Leah Clearwater, Jared Cameron, Quil Ateara and myself."

Leanne struggled to keep up with him, quickly writing the names all down on the paper in front of her before she looked his way in shock upon hearing the last one.

"Sir, I'm sorry? You?"

Jacob nodded and opened the door for us, the gust of cold air settling over my skin as I looked up at him with tears that began to cloud my vision.

"Yes, you heard me right. I'll be one of them. I'll be carrying her out. Please put my name down with all the others. Thank you."

I blinked and felt the tears glide down my cheeks as he briefly held my gaze there, his hand barely ghosting over my lower back when he guided me through the open door.

The drive back to the Reservation was short lived and as Billy's red house came into view, Jacob hit the brakes and brought the rabbit to a screeching halt just a few feet from his driveway. His body began to shake and I reached out a hand to feel the heat now radiating from him like a burning furnace. He turned his head my way, his chest heaving with his labored breaths as he fought like hell to keep the wolf that had been steadily clawing at him just under the surface for days now at bay. He hit the steering wheel with his hand and tugged harshly at the roots of his jet black hair, as his darkened gaze went to the pitch black forest line straight ahead of us.

I followed where his gaze was fixed and saw the tree's begin to sway in the whipping wind and rain as his tremors grew.

"How long have you been fighting the change?"

"Few days." He ground out in exasperation. "I can't. Not yet."

"Why?"

He locked eyes with me then, his guilt written in them as he let out a pained gasp along with his one word answer.

"Clarissa."

"She's safe with Emily and Sam for the night. You know that."

"I can fight it off a little longer." He stubbornly stated.

"Is that what you really want?"

He nodded and let the car coast into the drive before pulling the keys from the ignition and gesturing for the house.

"Dad never locks it. You can go in. I'll be alright." He tried to assure me, but I shook my head in protest and let the keys drop into the seat when he handed them over.

"I'd like to sit with you till it passes. I don't want you out here alone but if you really want me to go-"

He managed a shake of his head and climbed out of the car, his tremors not ceasing as he leaned against it and let the rain drench his heated skin. I went around to his side and stood there next to him, ignoring the chill that settled into my bones as I wrapped my coat around me tighter.

"You can get sick, Bella."

"I'm a nurse. So I already know all the risks. Remember?" I softly countered, glancing up toward the tree tops that continued to sway to and from in the heavy breeze.

After a few more minutes, his tremors began to slow and they finally stopped. Jacob wrapped an arm around my shoulders and drew me into his side, his cheek coming to rest on the top of my head.

"Charlie stayed with my dad. Got his text an hour ago when we were still at the funeral home. He wanted you to know that the spare key to the house is in the same spot as it's always been if you want to sleep there tonight."

I pressed myself in closer to his side and felt his body tense while he listened for my response to this and I didn't have the heart to leave him.

"It's been a really long day. I'm pretty tired. Would it be alright if I crashed on the couch just for tonight?"

"Sure, Sure." He replied, my heart warming at the sound of his signature phrase now. "I'll get you a spare pillow and some blankets."

We tiptoed around Charlie and Billy, both of them sound asleep and snoring loudly in the living room.

"I'm glad to see them resting. Especially Billy. He needs it."

"He does." Jacob agreed, handing me a stack of bedding and pointing to the couch in the corner. "It still gets drafty this time of year, so use all the blankets you need, Bells. If you want, I can start a fire and watch over it for a bit before I head to my old room?"

"No, that's okay. You need your rest, too. Don't worry about me. I'll be alright. I have plenty of blankets here. Thank you."

"I'm not gonna sleep." He stated, taking the top sheet from my hands, and swiftly making up the couch. He sheepishly glanced my way when he switched on the lamp and for a fleeting moment I was back in my room with him when we were only teenagers, the two of us desperately trying to figure out a way for us to stay just Jake and Bells while still being submerged in a world of the supernatural. I blinked and the memory was gone as I was thrown back into the present at the sound of his husky voice.

"Still not a huge fan of the dark, right?" He asked

"No, you got me there. That still hasn't changed."

I caught a glimpse of the faint half smirk that graced his lips and it made me pause at the sight of it, but all too soon, it vanished as quickly as it had shown.

"If you need anything in the night, you know where I'll be. Don't hesitate to ask." He offered, before crossing the room to head down the hall, the desolate look he wore causing me to rethink my prior statement.

"You know... on second thought. It is pretty cold in here. Maybe that fire would help to take the chill out?"

"Yeah, no problem."

I settled in on the couch and watched him as he stacked a few logs in the empty fireplace and lit a match, his back still turned when the flames began to greedily climb up the old brick walls and span out.

The heat from it was nice and I soon found it hard for me to keep my eyes open. I wrapped the blankets tightly around me as Jacob hunkered down in front of the fire, the crackling of it settling in as the only sound around us as he stared into the orange flames.

I dozed off in minutes and was startled awake at the feel of a hand grazing under my chin. I looked up to see Jacob tucking the blankets further in around my shoulders and caught hold of his hand, my exhausted and whispered words carrying out to him before he could leave.

"Are you heading to bed?"

"No, I couldn't sleep right now even if I tried."

His voice was uneven and I heard the fear behind his baritone. He didn't want to go to sleep because he knew what tomorrow held for him and he wanted it to never come.

I sat up and inched myself closer to the arm of the couch as I held his red rimmed gaze.

"Sit with me then. You're not alone. It's okay to close your eyes."

He didn't argue with me as he let out a heavy sigh and took the cushion next to me as I closed my eyes and felt his fingers soon lace with mine before I fell back to sleep.

"Night, Bells."

"Good night, Jake."

**A/N: Thank you for reading and please leave a review with your thoughts. New update tomorrow :-)**


	20. Chapter 20

**CHAPTER TWENTY**

**(BPOV)**

I awoke in the morning with a start as Charlie jostled me, his hand outstretched with a cup of coffee in it while my eyes struggled to adjust to the bright light of the early day.

"Bella, it's almost seven. You need to wake up. Time to get moving. Long day ahead of us all." He stated, looking toward Billy who was sitting with a plate of pancakes in his lap. "There's breakfast on the counter in the kitchen if you're hungry. Sue and Leah came over earlier to cook something."

I sat up and reached for the spot on the couch next to me, my hand clutching the cool blanket where Jacob had been hours ago and feeling my heart sink from his absence.

"Where is he?" I asked.

"Jacob's at his house, Bella. He left early to get ready. They need him at the funeral home by nine this morning."  
Billy offered to me in reply.

"He's got a lot to do." Charlie added, the dark circles now under his eyes revealing to me that he didn't get all the rest he needed last night.

"We need to get back home and get ready ourselves. I need to get dressed." I hedged, leaning over and wrapping my arms around Billy who seemed to have lost all interest in his stack of pancakes after only a few bites. His color was better but the sadness on his face was still prominent.

"We'll come back Billy and pick you up in about an hour." Charlie sighed to him, as he gestured for me to follow him out to his cruiser.

"Sounds good chief."

Once back home, I showered and tore through my previously abandoned closet. When I had first moved to Maine, I only took what I could stuff into my large suitcase and sent for some of the rest in the weeks that followed, but the majority of my clothes had remained here at Charlies and from what it looked like, he hadn't bothered to pack them away. The room looked surprisingly untouched in some places. My bed was still made and some of my books still on display by my bedside table. I tucked the towel tightly under my arms and began sliding the many hangers over in my search for the right thing to wear. To my dismay, I noticed that most of my dresses were purple or hunter green in color. None of them were black. I sighed heavily as a knock came to the door then, my fathers timid voice calling out to me from the hall.

"Hey, kiddo. I uh- haven't had time to pack away the rest of your things. You know, just in case you wanted to come back and visit. You probably don't have much in there for an occasion like this, so here..."

Charlie's arm pushed through the small crack left in the wooden door, his hand tightly clutching a cream colored garment bag while he waited for me to take it.

I pulled it from his grip and hurriedly unzipped the front to see the sleek black belted dress that was laying within it. My eyes went wide when Charlie tossed in a pair of shoes and matching trench coat to go with it.

"Where did you get this?" I asked, feeling the quality fabric with my trembling fingertips and knowing that it was a designer brand before my gaze lingered on the tag still attached to the side, the price portion of it ripped off, as if it was thought of as a gift when purchased.

"Leah dropped it off for you a few minutes ago. Said she thought you might need it today. Sue was fussing earlier over her not having an appropriate dress for the service today. I think the two of them made a last minute trip to Port Angeles after breakfast this morning. Guess she was thinking of you, too."

I swallowed firmly and pulled the dress from the hanger, my towel dropping as I shimmied into it and turned to see my reflection in the full length mirror still propped by my window. Leah had good taste. Her fashion sense far more developed than I had ever imagined it to be. I smoothed the dress down over my slim curves and tugged at the hem, as I slid the black thigh highs in place and stepped into the heels Charlie had tossed in moments ago.

"Can you please tell Sue to thank Leah for me? It fits perfectly. She really saved me. I had nothing to wear. I owe her." I softly admitted, feeling comfortable in the overall attire and rifling through my old vanity in the hopes I'd left behind some makeup. To my luck, I had missed a few staple cosmetics years ago in my rush to pack and even though all of them were well past expiration, they still did the trick.

A half an hour later, I emerged from the bathroom with my trench coat in tow and headed down the stairs.

Charlie paused with his newly open can of beer mid air when I rounded the corner to the kitchen and looked his way.

"Wow, you clean up real nice kiddo. Must get that from your old man?" He hedged, gesturing to his suit and tie and clean shaven face.

"You look nice, too. Who knows dad, maybe I do get it from you?" I playfully countered, reaching up to fix his crooked tie despite his grumbled huff of irritation with me for doing so.

"I don't think I've seen you with your hair curled since your high school prom?"

I rolled my eyes at this and stepped back from him while he downed the rest of his beer and handed me the keys.

"Yeah, well some memories are best forgotten and I don't always have the time for it. Pen Bay nurses usually go for the bun or ponytail look. We're lucky to get a hot shower and some sleep, let alone do anything else. Do you think it's too much?" I nervously replied, my voice quavering as I began to second guess the choice to put such effort into my appearance.

"No, I think you look perfect. Leah did a great job choosing that for you."

"She did." I readily agreed, slipping my arms into the black trench coat as Charlie thoughtfully held it out for me with a weary expression.

"Hope your mascara is waterproof?"

"It is. Trust me, I've already had to reapply it twice. I can't help but think of Jacob and what he must be feeling this morning."

Charlie placed his hands on my shoulders and slowly turned me around, his look grave when it met mine.

"It's not fair. He said goodbye to his mom in that place and now he's doing the same years later for his wife. I don't think I'll ever understand how this screwed up world works sometimes, but you being here means a lot to him and Billy both."

I nodded and blinked back the emotion that made my throat grow tight.

"I don't know what to say to him, dad. I've seen death. All the time, but this-..." I trailed off at the thought, seeing Charlie nod at me in understanding.

"Altogether different when it's close to home."

"Did you know her well? His Lillian?"

"Yeah, kiddo. I knew her well enough. Billy and I still have dinner at the diner in town every Friday and sometimes, Jake and Lilly would join us. She was lovely in the way that isn't common anymore. She was kind and respectful. She always cared for Billy like he were her own father. Mostly because, in a way, that's what he'd become to her. Peter was never around. Still isn't."

I saw Charlie's face grow hard when he mentioned this last part and met my gaze.

"Jacob told me some of it on the trip back home. I want you to know I'm thankful for you, dad. I love you."

"I love you too, Bella." He replied, his voice carrying with it the emotion that he stubbornly refused to show right now, but I knew would surely come later. Charlie was as tough as nails until it came to those he cared for most. This was where his rugged exterior would slip and he'd let his cop guard down long enough to feel the hurt of whatever had inflicted the same kind of pain on his family. Jacob and Billy were no exception to this.

The temperature gradually dipped closer to freezing and the snow began to fall heavily as we made our way back to the Reservation to collect Billy. He was waiting for us at the door when we showed up and I helped Charlie get him into the back seat while the snow continued to cover the ground in a heavy blanket of pure white.

"The funeral home just called me a minute ago. Jacob was supposed to be there already. They can't reach him. Would you mind stopping by his place up the road so I can check on him? I tried to call Sam but got no answer. Emily said she has Clarissa all ready for the service and she can't reach Jake either."

I looked toward the slight bend in the road up ahead as the unease steadily unfurled itself in my gut from hearing this.

"Dad, why don't you go on ahead with Billy to the funeral home? I can stay back and check on Jacob. I'll catch a ride with him or Sam and Emily in a little while." I offered, giving Billy's outstretched hand a reassuring squeeze as I said this.

"I don't like the idea of leaving you here with no solid ride? I don't want you stranded." Charlie huffed in protest.

"I'll be alright. I promise."

"She knows where the spare key is to Jake's old rabbit. She can always take that into town if needed. The house is unlocked if you need to use the landline." Billy stated, releasing my hand and looking up to Charlie and I.

"Go on ahead. I can take care of myself. I'll see you both there in a few minutes."

With much hesitation, Charlie finally wrapped an arm around me and placed a kiss into my hair before climbing back into his cruiser and motioning for me to follow suit. He soon stopped the car in front of the icy drive that led to Jacobs front porch, his brown eyes leery when they held mine as I got out and headed for the tiny house.

I waved them on and Charlie reluctantly hit the gas as he headed for Forks with Billy still in tow.

I carefully made my way up the narrow path covered in stone that gave way to his front door and knocked, my knuckles lightly tapping on the cold wood as my breath surrounded me in a vapor.

The door was left partially open and when I knocked a second time, the Winter breeze blew harshly around me, whipping my hair wildly in it's frigid hold and pushing Jacobs front door open further.

I called out to him but was met with no reply when I soon stepped inside, my steps timid while the wood flooring creaked under my light footfalls as I went.

A loud crash made me jump when I lifted my head and followed the startling sound further into the house. My breath hitched when I paused just outside of the kitchen then. Jacob stood at the sink, his back turned to me while I gazed down at the disarray of pictures that littered the floor beneath us.

All of them were of Lillian, her smile wide and genuine while she posed with Jacob at various locations. My eyes scanned over the dozens of them as his choked baritone filled the silence.

"I can't find the right picture of her for the service. They want one to frame by her casket but I can't choose the right one or- put together the right collage of them- or...- there's-... she's-...-she's not gone-... I-... this isn't how it was supposed to go-..."

I bent down and gathered them all in my hands, careful not to get my fingerprints on them as I collected each picture and approached him. I held the pile of memories he had with her in my hand when he slowly turned and looked at me.

The stillness of this moment made everything else that was about to take place seem so damn far away. As if he himself were imprisoned somewhere in the space between denial and acceptance of what was. Of what every rigid line and locked muscle in his body refused to let go of because he knew the chances of it collapsing him were far greater than he wanted to admit. Greater than he wanted to acknowledge right now. I stared back at him with an emptiness I couldn't describe, his pain so tangible that I could feel it sink with palpable weight into my own skin as his impossibly dark eyes wordlessly held mine. I saw his hands flex at his sides while he stood there silently trying to work through the hated stages of grief that had only just begun for him. I read it all there in his face while the silence dragged on between us. He was desperately clinging to the hope that Lillian wasn't really gone. That she truly hadn't passed but that she was just out of reach for now. He struggled to even move, the heaviness of this raw hurt starting to show in his limbs as much as it was in his mind right now.

I held out the pictures to him, unable to even begin to find the right damn words to offer him in this moment. The truth was, there was absolutely nothing I could say to take away his pain. He was in a place that many found to be a hell all on its own. The desolate and crushing place that left you feeling so numb that you wondered if you were still breathing and still alive. He was in that place. His grief had already taken on a new face and a new name overnight and I found myself floundering and breathless as I stood there in front of him, unable to help him in the way I longed to.

I feared anything I offered would be in vein and that it wouldn't be able to penetrate the all encompassing anguish that had wrapped itself around him. More than that, I was terrified that it wouldn't work anymore. That the once simplistic nature of our relationship, of the close friendship we'd formed years ago, would offer him no such solace right now.

His loss was far more raw than anything I'd ever known him to face since the passing of his sweet mother and our 'as easy as breathing' closeness, simply wasn't that easy anymore. Not when the very breath he took made him visibly wince in front of me like he had swallowed glass shards and the intake of air itself would cut him deeper with every lungful he forcefully drew in.

Much like someone who couldn't swim and was suddenly thrown overboard a sinking ship without the slightest clue on how to keep herself above water, that's how I felt in this moment with him, how deeply in over my head I was when his hand took hold of the photos.

He was dressed in a sharp black suit and matching tie that he anxiously tugged at. The tight confines of it proving too much for him as he ripped it off with an aggravated huff. His hair was still damp from his shower and his eyes reddened from exhaustion and his tears.

I took a few steps closer and saw him draw in a shaky breath when I timidly reached for his abandoned neck tie and began to fix it for him, being sure I left it loose enough for the choking hold of it not to be as restricting as it was before.

I couldn't stop my hands from trembling as I secured it on the last loop for him, feeling his gaze roam over my face when his warm hands reached up and enclosed mine. I didn't hide the lone tear that slid down my cheek while I whispered the only words I could to him.

"You've always been there for me. You never broke that promise you made all those years ago. You never let me down, Jake. It's my turn to be there in the same way for you or at least try...-"

He held my hands tighter as I took in the lost expression he wore and nodded to the pile of pictures beside him.

I soon reached for them and his face fell in response.

"I can't choose just one."

"Then we bring them all for everyone to see. I'll help you display them on the greeting table. You don't have to choose just the one."

I tucked them in the pocket of my trench coat as he shrugged into his suit jacket, his haunted gaze hollow and empty when he looked my way again.

"I should have been there by now."

"It's okay. They can wait. We can call them on the way and let them know you were delayed from the weather." I replied.

We headed for the door then, his strained words making me pause when I held it open for him.

"I carried her over the threshold of this house last year and I have to hold it together long enough to carry her today. She deserves that from me, Bella. I want to give her everything I have until she's laid to rest. I vowed that to her."

We arrived at the funeral home a short time later to be greeted by the pack, all of them suited up and looking their best as they waited for Jacob by the door. Their faces were filled with the same kind of grief that Jacobs showed. What hurt him, hurt them too.

He pulled the keys from the rabbit and placed them in my hand, his eyes searching mine when I peered his way.

"When this is over, I need you to do me a favor, Bells?"

"Anything...-" I tearfully replied.

"I need you to take Clarissa with you to Billy's. I need to know she's safe there cause I won't be able to fight the change anymore. Can you do that for me? Please?" He asked, his fingers slipping through mine as he waited for my answer.

"Yes, of course I'll take her to your dad."

"Thank you."

With those final words, we got out and made our way to the place where he would carry his Lillian for the last time.

**A/N: Sorry for the horrible delay in posting a new update! Hope you enjoyed reading this. It was a hard and heavy chapter to write. Look for another post tomorrow! This time... it will be there for you! Please leave a review and thank you all for reading! :-)**


	21. Chapter 21

**CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE**

**(BPOV)**

I walked into the funeral home and slowly pulled my hand from Jacobs when we parted ways just inside the doors, his warm fingers reluctant to let go of mine as he headed into the back office with the pack where Leanne was waiting for him to get things in order and the service under way. I gave him a subtle nod of encouragement and began displaying the dozens of photos next to the white and silver guest book that lay untouched on the greeting table in front of me. I gingerly picked up the pen and wrote my name down on the first page before I placed them all there. I delicately organized them in the best order I could and fought back the tears that welled from the precious moments he'd shared with her. I could almost envision how some of the photos had been taken, what moments in time had led up to their development, and how truly unfair it was that they would never get the chance to take another. A familiar voice from behind me made me turn back around when it called my name then.

"Bella."

Paul stood there with a humbled expression as he wearily approached me, his eyes catching mine when he unexpectedly embraced me, his hold tight and reminding me of Jacob in the way his strong arms held me.

"Paul...-"

"I know we've had our differences in the past but that was a long time ago. I deserved that slap and if I recall the altercation correctly, you had a mean left hook back in the day? Still the case?" He sighed, releasing me with a huff.

"I wouldn't know. Haven't had to use it since. That was a lifetime ago and you're right, you did deserve it." I softly countered, catching his guilty and somewhat mischievous smirk.

"That's fair that you agree, anyway, I want you to know I'm glad you're here for Jacob. He needs all the support he can get right now."

I could plainly hear the sincerity in his rich baritone and I nodded to him in response.

"He's lucky to have all of you by his side. I've been away so long that I forgot just how solid that bond is. You guys are truly like a family."

"Always will be." Paul solidly replied, his hand gently squeezing my forearm when he looked toward the many pictures on display. "Thank you for doing all this for him. You're part of our family, too."

I looked away from him and shook my head at this, unable to hold his darkened gaze for any longer.

Paul cleared his throat and wrapped an arm around my shoulders as I tried to ignore the pit forming in my stomach.

"I left all of you behind when I moved to Maine."

"That doesn't mean we don't still consider you family. You'll always be one of our own."

Sam soon stood by the door and beckoned Paul with a wave, as he helped Emily and sweet Clarissa come inside to escape the cold. Emily smiled weakly at me, her tears not hidden when she hugged Sam tightly, and he lovingly kissed the side of her face that would forever bare the scars of his change.

Clarissa was wrapped in a white blanket to ward off the chill in the funeral home, her face innocent and her eyes already heavy as Emily cradled her close. She'd dressed her in what appeared to be a christening outfit, the lace trim of it was beautiful and I struggled to keep my composure when she silently handed her over to me so she could take off her coat. Sam made sure Emily was okay before he left with Paul and retreated back down the hall where the others were waiting.

"She's been awake all morning so I think she'll fall asleep soon. It's about time for her nap."

"Her outfit is beautiful, Emily."

"Jacob left it at the house for her before he went home this morning. He found it in her closet. Lillian chose it for her to wear at her christening a few months ago and it still fits, albeit a bit snug, but it will serve it's purpose for today anyway. She just had a bottle, too."

I smiled down at Clarissa and went to hand her back to Emily, but she began to cry when I released her and Emily stopped me with a warm smile. "She wants to stay with you. She's pretty picky about who she lets hold her when she's this tired. She must be content with you, Bella. Babies have always been excellent judges of character in that way."

I stilled when I felt Clarissa's head come to rest on my shoulder, her tiny frame appearing so delicate, as I wrapped the blanket around her and saw the tears glide down Emily's cheeks.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I did so well to hold myself together but now that we're here it's so hard. Lilly and I had become really close this last year. I considered her like a sister and a true friend."

"It's okay, Emily." I replied, taking her by the hand and making our way into the seating area ahead of us.

I took my seat beside Charlie and Billy, careful not to jostle Clarissa while she began to fall fast asleep in my arms. Charlie touched Clarissa's cheek and we silently watched the pews beside us fill with people. I recognized none of them, but saw the strong resemblance they all held to Lillian, their faces heart shaped in the same gorgeous and alluring way when they turned and gazed in our direction. The taller man who seated himself on the end studied me closely for some time, before he stood back up and crossed the aisle with an outstretched hand to Billy first.

"You're Jacobs father, Billy Black?"

"Yes, that's me." Billy somberly replied, taking hold of the young mans outstretched hand with a faint smile in greeting. "And you must be Ethan. So nice to finally put a face to the name we've heard so much about."

"I am." He kindly replied, before reaching out to gently stroke Clarissa's hair. His eyes were nothing but kind when he addressed Charlie and I. "I'm sorry, I don't think we've had the pleasure of meeting before? I'm Lillians older brother and the two across the way there are Charlotte and Evalyn. They are my sisters. We've only seen pictures of our niece until now. She's precious and everything Lillian said she was."

I nervously shook his hand and glanced over at them to behold their striking beauty, all of them dressed to the nines and wearing jewelry that probably cost more than the mortgage on my house back in Maine. Charlotte smiled our way and Evalyn quickly followed after her, both of them offering us a wave before returning their attention to some of the other unknown family members who were steadily piling in now.

"Nice to meet you, Ethan. I'm Charlie Swan and this is my daughter, Bella. We're very sorry for the loss of your dear sister. We all loved her. She will be greatly missed."

"Thank you for your kind words. Pleasures all mine, sir. Jacob tells us you're a well known and respected officer of the law in these parts. Thank you for your service here."

I lifted my head to get a better look at him and took immediate notice of the way he stood and of the way he carried himself. Ethan wasn't wearing just any suit to his sisters funeral, he was dressed in an Army Service Uniform and countless pins colorfully decorated either side of his jacket.

Charlie got to his feet and firmly gripped Ethans hand again, his words sincere when he spoke.

"No, thank you for your service to this Country. I had no idea you were in the Army."

"I just returned from my second tour in Afghanistan. Got back three days ago for the holiday season. I wasn't able to make it home last year. I wish now more than ever that I had." He despondently stated, looking ahead toward the front where several florists could be seen placing varying arrangements all around Lillian's casket. They were lush with Chrysanthemums and the vibrancy of their yellow and white colors took my breath away at the sight of them.

"Those were Lillian's favorite. Jacob placed the order for them this morning. I'm so glad they were able to come through for him." Billy whispered in my ear.

"They're so beautiful."

"It was nice to formerly meet all of you. Hope to talk some more after the service? Jacob informed us that there would be a small gathering on the Reservation in La'Push to follow?" Ethan asked, his blue eyes roaming to me once more before Billy could reply.

"Yes, there will be a gathering at Sam Uley's house. You and your sisters are more than welcome to follow us back there if you'd like Ethan?"

"We'd like that very much, Billy. Thank you."

"Of course, Ethan. Of course." Billy obliged.

I watched Ethan return to his seat and offer comfort to his sobbing sisters when he wrapped an arm around them. They took one look at Clarissa in my arms and became inconsolable. I couldn't help but become emotional at the witness of their devout sadness. They hadn't even had the chance to hold their own niece yet.

Charlie sensed my concern and leaned in closer to me, his whispered words low enough so that only I could hear them.

"She's comfortable with you right now. Passing her over to them would only scare her. I'm sure Jacob will get them acquainted once the service is over. You're not doing anything wrong by holding her. Their little bodies can feel stress just like ours can. I know you know that. Today will be hard for her, too. Even if she's far too young to grasp it all yet."

"Thank you, I needed that reminder." I replied, as Emily took hold of my hand and wiped at her tears while she looked ahead to Lillians casket. I shuddered when I caught sight of Martha and Shawn, the two of them in tears when they embraced Lillians siblings and set down across from us. A man walked down the center aisle then, adjusting his suit and tie as he went. He stood at the front and almost instantly, a hushed silence fell over the entire crowded room in response to just his presence. The funeral conductor began with an opening greeting, followed by a prayer and it was then that I stopped trying to push down the raw emotion that silently ran unchecked down my cheeks. I held onto Clarissa tightly when Jacob and the entire pack slowly walked down the aisle and took their reserved seats in the front two pews. Sam sat next to Jacob and placed a firm hand on his shoulder as the service began.

Stories of Lillians life were shared by many. Some of them from her family and others from close friends that truly cherished her memory with their inspirational tales of how she'd helped them all somehow, been a shoulder for them to cry on or a loyal companion for all the many sports they used to play together, the many movies they attended or the painting classes they'd all gone to with her. Each story was heartbreakingly beautiful to listen to and they all carried such sentimental meaning with them that by the time Shawn stood to speak his final words about the treasured grandchild he had to lay to rest much too soon, I was leaning into Charlie for support unable to stifle the emotion his words brought forth among us all.

"My Lillian was one of the bright lights we'd been given in this world. From the time she was a little girl, she had big dreams and she followed through with them, but none of those held any weight in comparison to being the proud wife and new mother she was. For those of you who had the privilege of knowing our sweet Lillian, you knew that to know her was to love her. You couldn't help but want to be near that smile she always offered or that never ending optimism she gave out freely to anyone she came in contact with. Lillian would want nothing more than for her young life to be remembered and thought back on with that same bright smile. She would want all of us to do just as we're doing here today. Not to mourn her, but to celebrate the life she got to live, to share the fondest of memories we had with her, and to carry her with us the rest of our days with a warmth in our hearts that can't be removed. One of our Lillians most beloved sayings was the well known Latin phrase of 'Carpe Diem'. It's meaning of seize the day is used in all kinds of ways these days, but for Lillian, she would often throw out this catch phrase of hers whenever life would inevitably sprawl out a difficult or unexpected challenge in front of her. She was fearless our girl. Oh, was she ever fearless. Her grandmother and I would often joke that she would argue that the sky was purple when everyone else said it was blue, because to Lillian, her perception of this world was nothing shy of beautiful. It was truly nothing short of breath taking. She believed in love and she believed in it's power to right the wrong and fix the broken within anything. We will forever carry on her memory by trying to live life to the fullest just as she did. Her time here may have been shorter than what any of us wanted, but I can promise you that our Lillian isn't gone. She lives on in the hearts and souls of each and every one of us in this room and no one more than her sweet Clarissa. Lillians light will never dim as long as we continue to let it shine out from us. She would truly want nothing less. Martha and I had the blessing of getting to watch her grow up and turn into the wonderful woman she was, the kind of woman who could make your day better with a sincere smile or a hug. She always said that one of the best feelings in the world was to stumble across the kind of love that gave you butterflies and she found that and so much more with Jacob."

Shawn briefly paused and I heard the sob come from Billy as Emily wrapped an arm around him, the two of them crying together while he tearfully carried on.

"Jacob, you gave our Lillian the warmth back in her smile. Your love for her put a fire in her soul and she felt unstoppable with you by her side. She couldn't even say your name to us without grinning over the phone. We could hear it in her sweet voice when she called and the day you married her, her life took on new meaning. She once told us that she had finally found where she belonged and that it was enough to last her a lifetime. Don't forget that, son. You will always be part of our family. It is with a heavy heart that we all say a final goodbye to our Lillian but please, lets all hold her memory with us by showing the same acts of kindness she would want us to show every day."

Shawn stepped down and slowly approached Lillians casket, his shaking hands reaching out to touch her pale cheek as he whispered his parting words to her. "Fly high baby girl. You're finally free to fly high and remember, Grammie and I love you to the moon and back and we will treasure you in our hearts forever. I know you will be up there watching over us among the stars."

Charlie's tears dripped down his chin, and I placed a hand over my mouth in an attempt to silence the sob that was building from hearing Mr. Dawsons last words.

Jacob stood then, his approach to Shawn causing everyone to look up and follow his movements, as he embraced him in a tight hug and began to speak. His voice quavered and with his every word, I felt my own heart crumble into tiny fragments.

"Lillian taught me what true love was. She showed it in the way she lived her life. She showed it in the sense of adventure she held and in the spontanuity she created in the every day. I know I'm supposed to share a favorite memory of us or our song, but the truth is that if I stood here and told you all of my favorite memories with her, we'd be here past dark. So, I'll share the one memory that made me fall in love with her. The moment that I knew she was who I wanted to spend forever with. Who I wanted to grow old with." He paused at this, his emotion making it hard for him to continue as he looked to Sam, the two of them briefly sharing an assured glance that gave him the strength to keep going. "It was raining and if you live here, you know that's fairly common in these parts, but this Summer storm was different. The winds were strong and on the night we were supposed to have our second date, she came over to my house on the reservation and made us dinner, but half way through, the power went out and the rain poured and instead of letting it ruin the entire evening, she pulled me outside with her in the rain and started dancing like no one was watching. Her smile was radiant and she told me that sometimes, even when it's pouring, you have to find a way to dance in the rain. That was the first of many memories we made and I will carry them all with me all the days of my life."

Jacob's tears welled up and spilled over on the last few words and he turned to Lillian's casket with a choked sob that made me bury my face into Charlie's arm.

"I'll keep you with me always, sweetheart. I promise."

**A/N: Hard chapter. For real. I need a night to recover but I wanted to post another update as promised. The music that inspired this chapter is David Tolk - Morning Light. For those of you who want to get a real feel for this one, give it a listen to. Thanks for reading and please leave an update if you'd like. Till Next Time...**


	22. Chapter 22

**CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO**

**(BPOV)**

I had seen death and I had seen tragedy, but in all my experience as an ER trauma nurse, and after all I'd witnessed both on and off the job, nothing compared to the sight of the soul ripping heartache that flickered across Jacobs face when everyone in the room stood for the final prayer of the service. I balanced a sleeping Clarissa carefully in my arms and held her close, as I bowed my head with everyone else who listened to the funeral director offer up the final departing words for Lillian, and all those who had gathered here to pay their respects.

There was a resounding silence that fell over the room then, a hush that held such reverence in the quiet of that brief moment and when I opened my eyes, Jacob's haunted and foreboding gaze locked with my own. The desperate plea I read in his look shook me down to my core as I held his anguished stare. He pulled harshly at his collar and mouthed a "Thank you", to me before his eyes went to Billy.

He was barely hanging on by a thread. His hands trembled at his sides and I saw him ball them into tight fists there, his body rigid in form and reminding me of a coiled spring that was ready to be released at any second. He couldn't do this much longer and my heart ached for him. The pain reflected in his dark gaze felt crippling and when I saw him visibly wince, I knew he was quickly losing his hold on any control he had left.

The wolf was eager to be set free after nearly four years of laying idle and dormant, and I inwardly cringed when I thought of how painful that first shift back could be for him.

The pack surrounded Jacob as they all gathered around Lillians cherry wood casket and took their places to carry her out. Their expressions all mirroring the sincere respect they had for her, and the comfort and support they wanted to show for Jacob right now.

I felt Emily's hand take mine as she reached across Charlie and met my tearful gaze. I leaned in closer to them, all of us huddled there as the crowd slowly rose to their feet and looked on ahead. I shuddered when Jacob took his place in front of Sam, his hand gliding across the very top of Lillian's casket, as he leaned down and whispered something to inaudible for us to hear, but I saw the tears that welled in Sam's brotherly gaze in response, and I knew he'd heard Jacobs words to her. Nearly every member of the pack stood on either side of her casket now, their strong hands reaching down and taking hold of the gold handles that framed the rich wood as they slowly raised her up together. They stilled there in the center of the aisle and my gaze fell on a sobbing Leah, who stood at the back of the line with her brother Seth to usher Lillian out with the rest of them. I watched her pretty face fill with immeasurable grief when she took hold of Seth's arm and began to weep harder. Seth's face fell and he reached for her, wrapping his arm tightly around her shaking shoulders and drawing his sister in close to him. Out of the pack, Seth was the one who had grown and changed the most in his physical appearance, but that sweet and caring nature he'd always carried with him as a teen hadn't changed a bit. He still had one of the biggest hearts next to Jacobs that I knew. He did well to keep his emotions in check while he comforted Leah,!but when Jacob struggled to take that first initial step forward, I saw his tight resolve slip and a lone tear run down his cheek.

Billy and Charlie exchanged a sorrowful and worried glance while Jacob stood there seemingly frozen, his chest heaving and his arms trembling with the tormented restraint he was fighting so hard to keep hold of in this moment. He was surrounded by those who cared for him the most, by those who loved him, but when he finally raised his head and moved forward, he looked as lost and alone as I'd ever seen him.

Charlie swiftly moved out around me then, placing himself next to Billy now at the end of the aisle when Jacob hesitated to take another step forward, his whole body appearing to be locked right there where he stood as he faltered in the progression.

The weight of this was too heavy.

I saw Billy lean forward, looking so frustrated with his confined state in the wheelchair because he wanted to help his son. Charlie patted Billy on the back and nodded his way, before silently stepping out into the aisle and placing a supportive hand on Jacobs shoulder. The pack patiently waited while Charlie offered his only encouragement to him.

"Come on, Son. We got this. One step at a time."

With those hoarsely spoken words, I looked on with immense heartfelt pride as my dad stood right next to Jacob until he found his legs again to keep going, each step more sturdy than the last.

They all carried her out of the funeral home then with such grace and unified formation that it looked as if they had practiced it dozens of times prior, but I knew they hadn't. It was the most heartbreaking and yet somehow the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. The demonstration of love and support made it nearly impossible to look away until they were well out of sight. When the heavy doors soon closed behind them, the many people began to depart and talk quietly among themselves, but all I could hear was the weeping that came from Martha when she hugged Lillian's sisters and brother tightly to her.

"That was beautiful." Emily softly stated beside me while she handed over a tissue. "Lillian wouldn't have wanted this service to go any other way. What Shawn said earlier was true."

"Yes, it was." I breathed in agreement, seeing Mr. Dawson briefly look our way, before he crossed the aisle and opened his tired arms to us.

"Emily, oh sweet Emily. Lillian just loved you. She said you were more like a sister to her than just a friend." Shawn admitted, wrapping us in a hug and placing a kiss to Clarissa's head.

"I thought of her the very same way. I'm going to miss her so much." Emily cried into his shoulder.

Within minutes, the many friends and family that had come to honor Lilly's life wandered out of the funeral home in groups of which they came, and I lingered in the pew with Clarissa, the tracks of my tears still wet on my cheeks, as I glanced toward the dozens of chrysanthemums ahead of me.

I listened while the last few people remaining in the funeral home headed for the bitter cold of the snowy outdoors. The stillness in the now vacant room making me look down at Clarissa's precious face while she peacefully slept.

I wasn't alone for long as Mr. Dawson came back inside and joined me in the pew, his saddened blue eyes looking my way with expectancy clear in them.

"What you said was beautiful today, Mr. Dawson." I softly complimented when he caressed Clarissa's cheek.

"Thank you, dear. We wanted to be sure everyone knew that our Lillian was treasured to us."

He reached his hand up and wiped away my tears with the backs of his fingers, the kind gesture making me feel as if I myself was a mere child again.

"How is Martha doing?"

"She's very warn out from it all and her heart hurts from our Lillians absence, but with time and prayer, we'll keep on going. We know we'll see her again someday." He warmly replied.

"God Bless you, Mr. Dawson."

"...and God Bless you, Bella. Now it's your turn to live your best life. Don't run from it and don't squander it away. Can you promise me to do whatever it is that makes you truly happy while you still can?"

"Yes, Mr. Dawson. I surely can promise you that." I obliged.

"Thank you, dear. Means more to me than you know. Care to accompany an old man such as myself out to his car and show me where this Reservation is Martha and I have heard so much about?"

I nodded as we stood and he ushered us outside where everyone else was waiting.

**A/N: Thank you for reading and feel free to review. Please look for another update before the evening is done :-)**


	23. Chapter 23

**CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE**

**(BPOV)**

Shawn and Martha followed Charlie and I back to La'Push, and Billy was content to ride with Sam and Emily, who also took Clarissa with them. The long line of vehicles behind us stayed close together as we went along the winding roadway, and while my eyes were focused on the asphalt ahead, my mind was filled with Jacob.

According to Sam, he had stayed just long enough to say his goodbyes to all of Lillian's family members before he vanished, and by the time I made it outside with Mr. Dawson, he was nowhere to be found.

"That was hard." Charlie huffed half way through town, taking off his suit jacket and tossing it into the cruisers backseat.

"Yeah, it sure was. The service was beautiful for her. It truly was, dad."

"Billy's worried for Jacob though and truthfully, so am I. He took off so fast after the service. I know he probably needs some time right now. Some space to be alone with his thoughts for a while, but I just hope he's alright."

"He'll come back to the reservation soon I'm sure. Like you said, he may just need some alone time."

"Thank you for being there for them like you have, Bella. Poor Billy is struggling with it more than he lets on. He hates to see Jacob hurting, but he knows all too well what that pain feels like. His whole world caved in back when Sarah died. He's never loved another since. No one could replace her. She was it for him. Jacob is still so young. I can only hope he doesn't shut the world out around him from this loss. I'd hate to see that happen to him."

"Jacob's strong, dad. You know that. We need to be there for him. In any way we can." I thoughtfully replied, slowing my speed when the snow picked up again and made visibility more difficult.

"Yeah, of course we will be. Well, for as long as we can be anyway. You only have a few days off on your leave from the hospital? Do you plan to fly back on Tuesday?"

I gripped the steering wheel tighter in my hands and felt my heart sink further at the thought of leaving everyone I loved behind right now. At a time when those I cared for the most really needed me with them and not miles and miles away. Nothing about that felt right.

"I'm not sure." I truthfully replied to him,as I turned down the road that led us to Sam and Emily's place.

"I know you're not. That's why I asked, kiddo."

"What?"

"You're struggling with the idea of going back to Maine so soon."

I pulled into the driveway then and shut off the cruiser, before looking his way with my sincere reply.

"You're right, I am. Jacob has always been there for me and when I left for Maine, we both moved on with our own lives but he's still important to me. I feel like I'd be abandoning him if I left in two days. I plan to call Pen Bay tomorrow and extend my leave another few weeks. I know they value me there and that my job will be waiting when I do return, but for right now, my place is here with all of you."

Charlie cleared his throat with a nod and reached for the keys in my hand, his eyes glossy when the cars started to steadily pull in behind us.

"Love you, Bella."

"I love you, too dad."

Emily had cooked enough food for everyone and then some. There was plenty to go around and while it all looked great, I found myself to have no appetite as my eyes scanned over the many people now all crowded in their tiny home. Emily always had a way of making her place feel warm and inviting, and it was easy to see that everyone was comfortable while they visited and reflected on Lillians life.

I found a corner of the packed kitchen and poured myself a glass of wine as Leah and Seth approached, there faces brightening some when they reached out to embrace me.

"I owe you for this." I stated to her, gesturing down to the outfit she'd kindly given to Charlie for me. "I didn't have anything to wear. I really appreciate what you did. Thank you."

Leah released me with a faint smile that didn't touch her eyes, her words still thick with emotion when she spoke.

"You're welcome. I tried to choose something that looked like you. Something I myself wouldn't be opposed to wearing."

"You did a great job." I assured her.

"Are you staying long?" Seth chimed in then with a hopeful grin to me, his long hair tied back in a ponytail and his new height still something I wasn't used to.

"I'll be around these parts for another week or so." I admitted, returning his warm embrace, and stifling a chuckle when he reached out to grab another piece of Emily's blackberry cobbler on the food table beside us.

"Hasn't been the same here without you! I'm glad you're not hopping the first flight back to Maine just yet. We've got some real catching up to do and you haven't even met Sasha yet."

"Sasha?" I asked, taking a sip from my wine with a curious gaze in Leahs direction.

"Yeah, she's my girlfriend. Well, soon to be fiancé." Seth beamed, his bright smile reminding me of Jacobs when he proudly declared this.

"Wow, I'm thrilled for you!"

"Yeah, well I told him I think he should give it another six months, but young love, right? Can't reason with that sometimes." Leah stated, her expression leery when she looked his way again.

"What's the point in waiting when you find the right one?"

"... and I say what's the rush? You're barely twenty-one!"

Seth rolled his eyes and then gave me a playful wink as Leah huffed in frustration at him.

"Come on, Bella. Back me up here!"

"Oh no, you two aren't dragging me into this one. I am the last person you should be asking relationship advice from."

Seth paused with his forkful of cobbler by his mouth, his disbelieving look causing me to laugh.

"You mean to tell me you're not married to some rich doctor back in Maine with kids at home?" Leah hedged, with a playful nudge into Seth's side.

"Guilty, there's no one back home. Just me, myself and I. Work keeps me pretty busy. I'm out straight all the time." I admitted to her.

"I'm stunned. I thought for sure you'd be married by now." Leah sighed. "...don't worry though. I get it. Good ones are hard to find. Just broke off my third relationship this year. I'm done with men for a while."

"You say that every time. I try to tell her to wait for a good guy, but does she listen to me? No, of course not." Seth teasingly griped, shoveling in the rest of his cobbler before tossing the empty paper plate and plastic fork into the trash.

"I think we've bored poor Bella here enough." Leah sighed, her face suddenly falling when she looked around the room.

Seth took notice of the change in her countenance and caringly put his arm around her.

"I'm sorry about Lillian." I softly stated, seeing her eyes well with tears when she peered back at me.

"It's been a really hard year in general, but losing her has been the worst part of it. She was the reason that Emily and I finally got our relationship back on track. Lillian wanted us to mend things last year and we did. She helped to make that possible. The three of us were really close from then on. She made me see things differently and I'll forever be grateful to her for that."

I went silent at this, the lump in my throat making it hard for me to drink another sip of the red wine in my shaking hand.

"She was a real sweetheart. Jacob cherished her." Seth mournfully added, his gaze holding my own with his sincere words. "Billy told us what you did for him and Clarissa, Bella. I'm sure I'll be the first of many to tell you this before the day is over, but I'm going to say it anyway... Thank you for seeing them through."

"Yeah, Bella. I know we didn't always see things eye to eye, but that was a long time ago. Things are different now and I hope you know how grateful we are to you for helping to save him like you did."

I found it hard to speak when she wrapped her arms around me once more, before hearing Emily call to her from the other end of the kitchen and heading her way.

"She's right, you know." Seth sighed.

"I did what I could. We all did. I'm only sorry that we couldn't save Lillian, too." I timidly admitted.

"We'll carry her with us always. As a pack and as a family."

Seth grew quiet and gestured for us to sit in the few vacant chairs remaining in the house. I took my seat and refilled my wine as he looked toward Lillian's sisters and brother, his gaze narrowing some in distasteful fashion while he observed their interactions with Leah, Sam and Emily from afar.

"Something wrong?" I hedged, noticing the not so subtle hostility that heavily plagued his features now.

"No, I just can't believe Peter and Judy didn't even have the dang decency to show up today. Not even for their own daughter. Saddens me for her. She deserved a lot more than that from them. Makes me a lot more grateful for my own mom."

I nodded in silent agreement and smiled to him in return, as he reached out and scooted my chair over closer to his.

"Your mom is a saint. She always has been. I'm really thankful for all she does for Charlie while I'm away. Gives me some peace of mind. He can't boil water without burning it so he'd starve without her and the local diner in town."

Seth chuckled at this and popped the top of a beer, while casually throwing his arm around the back of my chair, his boyish charm not lost on me when he did this.

"Yeah, pretty sure us men should stay completely out of the kitchen. No good can ever come from that."

"You have a valid point there."

"Can I ask you something?" He nervously inquired then, his eyes full of the kind of inquisitive nature I'd always seen there when he was younger.

"Sure...-"

"Why did you leave for Maine? I hope it wasn't something we did to make you feel like you didn't belong?"

His question made me pause before finishing my second glass of wine, and I made a mental note to slow it down, given the lightweight I was and in whose company I was in. This wasn't the place for overindulgence and I set the glass down as I turned his way.

"I would never want you guys to think it was anything that you did. It had nothing to do with any of you and everything to do with me needing a change at the time. I wanted to pursue other things and set out after a career I really had a passion for. I love my line of work,?but it can make one's social life nearly non existent sometimes."

"You've done real well for yourself. Jacob kept us in the loop for the most part but then the updates just kinda stopped. I'm glad you found what makes you happy in Maine, Bella. Jacob always wanted that for you. He truly did. I think that's what kept him going for the first year you were gone."

"What kept him going?"

Seth nodded and leaned in a bit closer to me, his eyes seeming watchful of some of the other pack members around us.

"The first year was really hard for him when you left, Bella. He got through it but it wasn't easy. Your happiness meant more to him than his own."

I felt my face grow warm with a vivid blush as I looked away from Seth, and took quick notice of how Paul was eyeing the two of us with concern, as if he'd heard the direction our conversation was going and wanted to halt it where it was.

He approached us with a weak smile then and pulled up a chair next to me. This was enough to make Seth steer the topic in a much different direction and he did so almost instantly.

"So, Bella, tell me what you love the most about Maine? I hear the weather can be hard?"

For the next few hours, I made sure to make my way around the room and strike up some sort of conversation with nearly everyone. I even said hello to Evalyn, Charlotte and Ethan before they left the gathering. Emily had treated them with such kindness while they were there and it was heartwarming to see. To her, they were already family and always would be. This was just the kind of heart she had and everyone, including myself, loved her for it.

When the evening drew near, I felt my anxiety for Jacob grow and checked my cell phone again to see if he had called. The screen lit up and revealed no new messages or voicemails and I sighed heavily, as Billy wheeled himself over to me with a grave look, his color now paling again from the stress of the days events.

I knelt down and took hold of his hands in mine, trying to give him some hope or encouragement but I knew it would fall on deaf ears. He was worried for Jacob and nothing could ease that for him right now.

"He'll be okay, Billy. We have to believe that. He asked me to be sure that Clarissa was safe and sound with you at home before the service today. He knew his limits and he knew what would happen once it was over." I stated, looking over to Emily and Sam who were warming another bottle for Clarissa, the two of them tending to her when she let out a soft cry in the kitchen.

"Thank you for telling me, Bella. I won't be able to rest until he's back home safe himself." Billy countered, squeezing my hand when I took the seat next to him and glanced toward the door with the naïve hope that Jacob would come through it before the night was over.

"Well, I'm going to sit right here with you until he comes back. We can wait on him together?" I asked, checking to be sure he was comfortable as we sat there.

"I would love that, Bella. I'm so glad you're back home."

I soon grabbed a spare blanket on the back of Sams couch and draped it over Billy's legs as the evening chill crept in. He reached for my hand and I retook it with a smile while the two of us waited there for Jacob to return.

**A/N: Thanks for reading. Update tomorrow!**


	24. Chapter 24

**CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR**

**(JPOV)**

My paws pounded the earth beneath me as I tore off into the forest, the fire that became too hot to hold spreading through my limbs, and being doused by the change when I phased into wolf form for the first time in years. I embraced the animal that I was forced to cage all that time ago and for the first time since then, I felt his power run through me like the harsh wind of a brewing storm.

I ran and ran until my lungs burned with the kind of pure exhaustion that would collapse any other ordinary human but I trudged on. The snow covered ground was like an endless blur of white as I charged ahead, ignoring the sharp sting from the cuts and minor lashes that tore at my skin while I pushed through the cluttered trees that filled the dense forest of Forks. Adrenaline pumped through me and the high from it only made me fly that much faster.

I had missed this kind of speed.

I had missed what the earth felt like beneath my paws.

I had missed the way I could hear every flutter of movement in the woods, as the animals around me would scatter off at the slightest inkling of my approach.

I shut my mind off for as long as I could and went on driven instinct for miles and miles until the Washington State border came into view and I halted my run, my wolf gaze catching the movement in the trees above me while the images and memories I'd been running away from since I left the funeral home caught up with me in a maddening rush.

_"You're at Pen Bay Medical Center, Jacob. Do you remember anything? Can you follow the light with your eyes for me?"_

_"Clarissa is in the NICU. She had a rough night but she is stable now and her vitals are good."_

_"Lillian? Where is she?"_

_"Jacob, we tried. We did all we could but her injuries were extensive. I'm so sorry." _

I huffed and sunk down there in the freshly fallen snow as Bella's face and words came back to my mind all over again, the weight of them causing a whine to escape my muzzle, as I recalled the last conversation I had with Lilly before the accident.

The snow storm had come out of fucking nowhere and I tensed as I wrapped my hands tightly around the steering wheel. We'd bought that ridiculously expensive SUV only a few months ago and I found the payment alone hard for us to keep up with, but the second Lilly laid eyes on it, she wanted it to be ours and I didn't have it in me to refuse her though I should have. I'd reluctantly signed the lease and we'd fought the entire ride back home from the dealership.

"You don't think it's worth the cost? I mean, it has everything!" Lilly defended when I sharply looked her way in disapproval for the money we would be shoveling out each month from the purchase. "Heated leather seats and a remote start, too!"

"Lilly, we can't possibly swing this kind of payment. You do our budget every month and you know how damn strapped we are already! This was an impulse buy. Nothing more. Be practical"

"Why are you being so argumentative over this? You've been in a mood for weeks! What's going on with you?"

"Nothing-... can we just enjoy the ride home? All we've done is fight non-stop since last night."

She shrugged and crossed her arms over her chest with a heavy sigh as she glanced out the window in silence then.

Things had been rife with tension for us over the past few months and no matter how hard we tried, we couldn't seem to agree on anything anymore. Sam had been my venting ear on more than one occasion, advising me that he had been through something similar to this in his own marriage with Emily a while ago. He assured me it would pass but as the weeks carried on and our fighting only grew worse, I was beginning to wonder if this was something more than just a mere phase of hardship for us. Lillian struggled to balance College and Clarissa, switiching her degree to one she could achieve online and trying to major in criminal law now instead of the arts. The switch had been unexpected and I had tried to be supportive of her choice but when she told me the real reasoning behind it, it only served to drive a further wedge between us and I hated that.

"We can't live comfortably here forever. We've outgrown this place, Jacob. Can't you see that? There's other places than Washington. We could relocate to just about anywhere and make a new start."

"Since when are you not content here?" I snapped back, noticing the anger flicker across her face when she crossed the kitchen and threw her arms up in frustration.

"Since forever. I thought once we got our feet under us better, you'd want to move. I mean, we can take your dad with us. I love him and I want him happy and taken care of. You know that. So if that's the issue then-..."

"It's not. I've already told you why I want to stay in La'Push." I irritably argued. "My family is from here and I'm perfectly fine to be here. I just can' understand why all of a sudden you're not."

"There isn't any real growth opportunity in this place. The garage is struggling and I've always supported your choice to open it. You have amazing talent, Jacob. Don't you wanna span out a little? Not live in just Washington your whole life? There's so much more to the world than this."

"You don't get it." I huffed, walking out of the room and dismissing the argument before it ended in another yelling match and woke Clarissa.

I focused on the highway ahead as the storm continued, our long trip to Maine for Thanksgiving making my exhaustion peak. My schedule had been impossible lately. I opened the garage in town and Paul and Embry were my business partners. They had done right by me and I worked tirelessly to make the place any kind of a success but it came at a high price. One that involved me pulling fourteen hour work days and being so tired by the end of them that I could hardly see fucking straight. I never thought I'd come to see the day when the very idea of pulling apart another vehicle engine would fill me with dread instead of excitement, but there I was, downing my fourth cup of coffee and trying to fit in as many repairs in one business day as I could just so the take home pay was enough to cover our new monthly living expenses.

When Lilly and I were first married, we got along like most newlyweds, but after Clarissa was born, something changed in her. She seemed to want more than what I could offer her and it separated us faster than I knew how to repair. It was no secret that she grew up much differently than I had. She'd been born into that kind of luxury and it never bothered me until she started wanting things that were far outside our reach.

"Why is it that you barely have time for us anymore? We don't see you till after dark? Can't you cut the day short somehow?"

"Not if you want that new car payment made on time." I bitterly countered, picking up Clarissa and holding her for the first time all day.

"Jacob, we used to communicate so much better than this. You've pulled away lately. I feel like we're room mates."

Her words hit me like a brick to the chest and I was quick to become defensive in retaliation.

"Has it ever occurred to you that I have to pull longer shifts like that to be able to cover our asses each month!? You've changed, Lilly. Since we had Clarissa. Nothing is good enough for you. I don't even think I'm good enough for you anymore. If that's how you feel then why are you even with me! Huh?!"

She immediately stopped washing the dishes then and turned my way, her eyes glistening with tears from my harsh words with her.

"How could you say that?"

"Lilly, I-... I didn't mean- I'm sorry-..."

"Yeah, you did. You meant it. Every word."

She left the sink in tears and locked herself in our room for the rest of the night. We didn't speak for two days after that and when Shawn Called and requested our presence for Thanksgiving, I didn't know if we could keep it together long enough to go, but we tried anyway.

"It's only for three days. I think maybe it would do us some good to get out of town for a bit? You've always loved my grandparents."

"Yeah, sure. Maybe it will."

We packed overnight and hit the road for Maine the next morning. I hadn't slept more than two hours the night before and my eyes were heavy as the miles carried on. By the time we crossed into the Maine state lines, I was beyond exhausted. Lilly reached over and took my hand in hers for the first time in days and I heard her tearful words as she admitted why things had changed for us these past few months.

"I'm not trying to push you away. I'm really not. I'm sorry, Jacob. I feel off. Just irratable and not like myself anymore."

I slowed the car down and looked her way, my hand holding hers tightly when she started to break down, her soft cries changing into sobs as she continued on. "I don't like this version of myself. I'm so rude to you and I don't mean to be. I never used to yell or lose my patience so fast but I feel like I can't control it. I think I'm dealing with anxiety or post partum. I went to the doctor last week and he confirmed what I thought. He prescribed me something for it. I'm supposed to be starting it next week."

I took the first exit we came to and threw the SUV in park as she unraveled further.

"I hate who I've turned into and I know it's not your fault. I don't feel like me anymore and I don't know how to fix it or if the medication will even do anything. What if I'm stuck feeling like this? I don't want to lose you, Jacob. I'm scared I've pushed you away too long. I mean, it's been months since we've had any time for each other."

I pulled the keys from the ignition as we sat there in front of the local coffee shop I'd whipped us into moments prior.

"Lil-..."

"No, I know it's my fault if I have I-..."

I reached for her then, pulling her over the console so she was sitting in my lap, our faces mere inches apart when I wrapped my arms around her.

"Why didn't you tell me what you were feeling?"

"I don't know. I should have and I'm so sorry that I didn't." She cried into my chest, her whole body trembling with her reply.

"Shh- It's okay, sweetheart. We'll figure this out together. Once we get back home from your grandparents. Let's put it to rest for the holiday tomorrow and I promise we'll get you whatever help you need when the weekend is over. Okay?"

"Okay." She whispered.

When we got back on the road, I was wide awake from our conversation, my mind filling with our many arguments over the past eight weeks and I mentally kicked myself for not seeing some of the signs before now. They were all there and the timing was perfect now that I reflected on it.

She'd been different since Clarissa turned two months and it had only gotten worse from there. I'd been so caught up with work that I had neglected to see what was right in front of me and our marriage was suffering as a result.

What Lillian didn't know was that I too had been keeping something that I was dealing with from her. Something I didn't have a fucking clue how to reverse or change. I was at work, dealing with an ass for a customer when the guy had pissed me off enough from his refusal to pay and it had set me off. I kicked him out and closed the shop for the day and before I could lock up, my tremors started and spread through me with such force that it nearly knocked me to the ground. It took me almost an hour to get myself together enough to be able to make the drive back home and I never told Lilly about it, but they returned the next day with a vengeance and I knew the wolf was being stirred for reasons I couldn't understand.

I told Billy and while he didn't look surprised, he did assure me he would discretely pick Charlie's brain a bit about Bella when they had dinner that next Friday, and true to his word, he came through for me.

"So, what did he say?" I asked, when Billy picked up the line after returning home from the diner. "Is she alright?"

"Afraid I don't have much to give you, my boy. According to Charlie, Bella phone home last week herself and said she was real busy with work, but that she was doing good. To his knowledge, there's nothing new happening with her. This has to be something else."

"That doesn't make any fucking sense." I huffed, glancing out the window and seeing Lillian pull into the drive with Clarissa then. "Can you do me another favor, dad? Can you just be sure? I stopped phasing and moved on. The wolf wouldn't stir for no reason."

"You got it, Jake. I'll double check and do a little digging. You be careful on your trip to Maine in the morning. Please be in touch and let me know you made it? Do this old dads heart some good." Billy sincerely replied.

"Sure, sure. No worries, dad. Good night. Talk to you tomorrow and thanks."

I huffed and stood on tired paws as I turned my head back in the direction on La'Push, the pull I'd painfully found a way to shut off all that time ago now returning when I took off on a dead run back through the forest and relived the last memory I had with Lillian before the sound of screeching tires and crashing metal made everything else go black.

"I told my grandparents we'd be there for breakfast? Think we'll make it?" Lillian tiredly asked, looking back to check in on Clarissa as I followed the GPS coordinance and continued on our way to Shawn and Martha's house.

"I don't know. This storm is something else. Gonna have to take it slow." I replied, feeling her gaze on me as I focused my attention on the road. "Worse time to be traveling, sweetheart. Everyone is out here trying to get to their families for Thanksgiving."

"Well, I guess I'm lucky cause my whole family is right here in this car." She bemused to me with a grin in place and I couldn't help but smile back at the happiness I heard in her tone for the first time in weeks.

"I love you, Jacob."

"I love you, too."

"Do you think we could stop for another coffee before too long cause -... JAKE! LOOK OUT!"

I swerved hard to avoid the oncoming truck as it's high beams blinded me seconds before the impact.

In that very instant, everything had changed. The first memory I could recalled from briefly coming to was when they pulled me from the car and transported me to the hospital. Everything was ringing in my head, everything too loud and my vision too blurry to make anything out. I could hear what I now knew to be Callie's voice speaking to me above all the chaos, but I couldn't hold onto it for long and the next thing I heard made time itself stand still for me.

"Jacob…"

I would know that voice anywhere. Differentiate it from all the others that surrounded me. The petrified sound of it taking me back to the last time I'd heard it and what her words had been then.

"I can't stay here, Jake. I just can't. I'm sorry."

"You know I'm tied here. I can't go with you, Bells."

"This doesn't mean we-..." She timidly began.

"It does. What kind of selfish person would I be if I asked you to stay?"

I clung to that voice. The startling nature of it jolting awake something in me that had been dormant since she'd left. She was efficient in her tone and sharp with her words but I caught the shakiness in them as she spoke again.

"We got no breath sounds on the right! Set up a chest tube!"

I'm here...

Everything faded then and I didn't have the strength to fight the darkness anymore.

**A/N: Thank you for reading. I wanted to give you guys Jacobs point of view for the first time in this story! Hope you enjoyed the update and please review. New post tomorrow. Until then...**


	25. Chapter 25

**CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE**

**(BPOV)**

A few minutes had turned into nearly three more hours at Sam and Emily's, and by the time Billy became far too tired to keep his eyes open any longer, we finally gave up waiting for Jacob to return and reluctantly decided to call it a night. Emily had put Clarissa to bed almost an hour ago and she was resting comfortably. All of the guests from the funeral were long since gone, all but Martha and Shawn that is, who continued to patiently wait with Billy and I. Neither of them knew the details of what was happening with Jacob, and I backed Billy up when he gave them a generic explanation of how his son needed some time to himself to process everything and deal with is grief over Lillian's passing. This seemed to be enough to appease the Dawson's curiosity, and when Emily offered us all another piece of her famous apple pie for the third time, Billy looked my way and tiredly spoke his request to me.

"Would you mind getting your old man for me, Bella? I would really like to just head home if that's alright? It's getting late and I'm sure Sam and Emily would like their house back at some point."

"Sure, Billy. I'll go get him. He was right outside with Sam a few minutes ago. I'll be right back." I replied, getting to my feet and heading toward Emily's front porch.

Charlie and Sam were immersed in a serious conversation that halted the second I opened the door and told dad about Billy wanting to head back home. I watched Sams face fall while he looked out into the blinding darkness of the late hour again, his eyes intently sweeping over the long tree line that thickly bordered his back yard for any sign of Jacob. He soon met my gaze with a disappointed nod as Charlie started his cruiser and headed inside to collect Billy.

"None of you have to leave on our account. You know you're more than welcome to stay and get some rest here with us for the night. Our living room might be small but we can fit you in there just fine if needed." Sam kindly offered when he saw the despairing look that graced poor Billy's face as Charlie wheeled him outside.

"I know, Sam. You've been kind enough to do all this for us and I appreciate it more than you know. Thank you. I'll be in touch in the morning about Jacob if he doesn't show before the dawn."

"Are you sure, Billy? It's really no trouble." Sam countered to him.

"I'm sure, son. You get some rest with your wife and we'll see you tomorrow."

Sam and I stood close by as Charlie carefully placed Billy in the back seat of the cruiser.

"I won't be sleeping." Sam soon hedged, his face full of the same kind of worry that had been there since the funeral began hours ago. "He's out there and I know he wants to be alone but trust me when I tell you it's the worst thing for him right now. He needs to be around his family and those who care for him most. I'll give it another hour or so and then I'll head out into the woods myself. See if I can't track him down. Seth and Paul are the only ones out on border patrol this evening and I was stern to instruct them to leave Jacob be. Not to push him at this time. He doesn't need that. When you take a break from phasing like he did, everything tends to hit you at once and it can be crippling sometimes. That on top of his grief for Lilly makes me worry."

I hung my head at his words and drew in a trembling breath from the picture they clearly painted for me.

"Is there anything else we can do? I'm not a fan of the waiting game, Sam." I humbly admitted, frustrated with my weakened human vision, as my eyes looked toward the dense tree cover all around us. "I hate the idea of him being alone."

"I know, but there really isn't anything else we can do, Bella. Jacob has to feel it and he has to deal with it in his own way. Whatever that may be. It took a lot for him to stop phasing. To turn it off like he did years ago. Was hard as hell for him the first six months. The transition was painful at times, but he braved it and everything fell into place after that. Lilly came into his life only a few weeks after he finally had enough control over it to stop. At first, I didn't even think it was possible to maintain for him, but I underestimated him. He's definitely the grandson of a chief. Runs thick through his veins."

I stared back at him wordlessly, the look on my face making him pause and nervously glance away from me, as if he'd realized a beat too late that he'd told me too much, or elaborated on details I was never meant to know.

"I thought he stopped for Lillian? To be human and age? Isn't that why he-"

"Yeah, I meant- at the time he- ... well-...I-... there was-... you know it's late, Bella. I'm exhausted and I misspoke. Never mind." Sam dismissed with a wave then, as Charlie looked expectantly my way while he held open the passenger side door to the awaiting cruiser.

I chose to let it go for the time being, making a mental note to ask Billy about this once Jacob was back home safe and sound. There were parts of this that were missing and I didn't like the feeling that I was being purposefully misled. There would have been a time when I wouldn't have pushed the issue, but instead I would have naively believed whatever watered down version of the truth that was given to me, but I no longer accepted that. I myself had learned the hard way that leaving things out, and deciding what was best for other people, only proved to hurt them worse in the damn end.

"Thanks for everything today, Sam." I replied, giving him a soft hug as Martha and Shawn joined us on the porch.

"We're getting ready to head back into town. We have a room booked and waiting for us at the local motel. Our flight leaves bright and early tomorrow morning for Maine, so this will be a final goodbye for us." Shawn offered, reaching out for me with a weary smile. "I hope you won't be a stranger, Bella. Please keep our number and call often. We'll surely be keeping yours, dear."

"I will. I promise."

I hugged him and Martha tightly as I turned to join Charlie and Billy, but before I could get too far, Shawn caught my hand in his.

"Remember what I told you, dear. Don't run from the unexpected. Let it catch you, instead. Might just be the very thing you need in this life."

I nodded and saw the knowing expression that crossed Sam's face while he said his own parting words to the Dawsons then.

"Thank you for coming here and meeting everyone. It was wonderful to get to introduce you both to some of our family. Again, I'm so sorry for your loss. You both will be in our thoughts and prayers and please don't hesitate to reach out at all if either of you need anything in the future. We're always here for you. You are forever our family. Don't forget that."

I saw Shawn's aged blue eyes go misty then as he nodded to Sam and pulled Martha in close to his side.

"Thank you, Sam. We surely appreciate your hospitality and your kindness. Emily is just as lovely and sweet as our Lillian always said she was. You are blessed for sure."

"Thank you, Shawn. I have to agree with you there. I am a lucky man." Sam thoughtfully replied while firmly shaking his hand, as they carefully headed out to the taxi that waited to take them back into Forks.

Shawn helped Martha into the cab and turned back my way as I timidly approached him, my words full of emotion when I spoke.

"I will never ever forget you. Either of you. You somehow became like the grandparents I never got the chance to grow up with."

"Bella, you're so much more to us than just the nurse we had at Pen Bay Medical. You're our family now, too. We love you, dear. Go live this life to the fullest and don't you dare look back. Only straight ahead." He replied, placing his cold hands on either side of my face.

"I will, Mr. Dawson."

I watched while he climbed into the back of the cab with Martha, and I waited there as the cab pulled away into the night. I soon waved a final goodbye to the man and woman who had taught me so much about love and loss in the past week, and my words had never been more true.

I would never forget them.

"Bella?" Charlie hedged, his tired tone making me turn to see him still patiently waiting there for me.

"I'm ready, dad. Let's go home." I sighed, taking my seat in the front and staring out at the snowy road ahead while we took Billy back to his place, and got him settled in for the night. Once he was comfortable and resting, Charlie and I took off for Forks, every mile we left behind causing my heart to sink a little deeper in my chest when I thought of Jacob.

I fell asleep before we made it back to town, my exhaustion winning out as my eyelids became too heavy to fight off sleep anymore. I was jostled awake when the cruiser came to a sudden stop in Charlie's driveway, and I wrapped my coat further in around me, as we both shivered from the biting cold outside while unlocking the house door and stepping inside the house.

Charlie let out a frustrated huff when the keys wouldn't unlock the deadbolt and I took them from him, remembering how I had to jimmy it sometimes to get it to turn years ago, and chuckling at the fact that dad had yet to get a new set of housekeys in all that time since.

"I thought you were gonna replace these? Get a new set?" I sighed, swiftly unlocking the door and tossing them back his way.

"Yeah, yeah. I know. I will." He grumbled to me with a guilty tone. "Maybe next week."

"That's what you always say." I lightly teased him in return.

Charlie shook his head and poured us both a hot cup of coffee to erase some of the chill from our bones, his head falling into his hands when he sunk down there with me at the kitchen table.

"What a day."

"It was. I can't believe it's already past nine." I truthfully replied.

"I don't know about you but I need to unwind before I crash. What do you say to a friendly game of cards?"

"Sure, that sounds nice. I'll go change and be right back." I countered, heading up the stairs into my old bedroom and searching for something to wear to bed. I glanced around the room, shivering as I dug aimlessly through my packed bag in desperate need of some sweats, but I soon realized I had forgotten to grab them in my hurry to get on the road before. I had only packed a flimsy tank top and shorts. I tossed the bag onto the bed in frustration, before pausing at the sight of something crumpled up in a heap at the very end of it. I reached out and snatched up the article of clothing with a perplexed look, my gaze quickly falling on the familiar cotton fabric of a sweatshirt I hadn't seen in years. One I used to wear all the time and one that wasn't mine. My trembling hands clutched tightly to Jacobs worn out black sweatshirt, the smell of it alone enough to make fresh tears form in my eyes as I stood there with it pressed to me.

He'd left this here for me.

How was that possible?

It wasn't on my bed this morning before the funeral. I was sure of it and the scent still trapped in it's fibers was fresh enough to tell me he'd even worn it recently.

I changed in a hurry, slipping the oversized and baggy sweatshirt over my head and stepping into my sleep shorts, before I noticed the note tacked up on my corkboard that still hung on the wall where I'd left it when I moved to Maine. Next to my favorite picture of Billy and Jacob was a small piece of paper with hurried and scribbled hand writing that I'd recognize anywhere. I pulled it from the wall and scanned over the words there.

_Bells,_

_Don't leave for Maine yet. Please wait. I'll come back._

He didn't sign it but he didn't need to.

I bit down nervously on my bottom lip as Charlie hollered up the stairs for me.

"Hey, kiddo. We still on for that game?"

"Yeah, I'll be right down." I yelled back, tucking the note in my shorts pocket and meeting Charlie at the bottom of the stairs.

"One game or two?" He asked, gesturing to the age old cribbage board displayed on the table for us now.

"I say we play as many as we can." I replied, taking my seat there with him and dealing out the first hand.

We played four games and to my surprise I won three of them, but it wasn't long before I began to feel the dreaded migraine that took hold, it's sudden onset a clear signal to me for the warning of what was to come. I pushed the cribbage board away and thanked Charlie for the games, before kissing him on the cheek, and heading to the bathroom with the excuse of being too tired to play anymore.

The pain was sharp and hit me hard like it always did. There was no build up or prelude to it. No, it was fierce and had the ability to wreck any plans I had made prior. I cringed as I pressed my back against the bathroom door and glanced toward the medicine cabinet.

Tylenol... I needed Tylenol and as much of it as I could stomach.

I pawed through the dozens of varying pain relievers Charlie had stashed in there, finding the extra strength one I needed and taking two of them as fast as I could. My body was locked and tight with the fear of what I knew was coming for me through the night. The flare up I had been silently dreading for days now.

The last one I had was the worst of them and it had sent me rushing to the ER three months ago, convinced that I was surely dying, only to be told at the end of it to 'go home and get some rest with a heating pad'.

Since dealing with this Endometriosis hell, it had been the root cause of my thirty-nine emergency room trips, twenty-five urgent care visits, six cat scans, three MRI's, twenty different X-rays, over fifty ultrasounds, four Psychologists visits and years of unimaginable pain for me.

The mounting medical debt with left over bills had caused me more than my fair share of anxiety, and I still owed thousands that I feared I would never be able to fully pay off.

I swore under my breath when the stabbing pain cut through me then, the harshness of it's wrath making me pale, as I threw open the bathroom door and headed for my room. I locked myself in there, in the hopes to hide it all from Charlie, and sat down on the edge of my bed as the knife that was steadily tearing up my insides, turned and released itself only to plunge deeper into my lower abdomen than before. I curled in on myself and stifled a dry sob that threatened to escape my lips, as I drew my legs up to my chest and buried my face into my pillow.

This had been my reality since I was first diagnosed in the doctors office as a teenager and there were times I swore I was crazy. So many doctors had ignored my heartfelt pleas and descriptions of what happened to me every month. They had dismissed me as someone who was imagining it, and I had given up any hope of finding a specialist who would actually listen to me a long time ago.

There was no one out there. No one who knew enough about this disease that couldn't actually kill you, but in it's clutches of pain that lasted days at a time, could make you think horrible thoughts. Make you actually believe you'd be better off gone. The kind of disease that left you so drained and hurting, and broken that you had to talk yourself out of giving in to the mental pleading that begged you to just end it all.

Yeah, I'd been there too.

Seen many more than just one therapist on the decade long struggle with Endometriosis and it's agonizing symptoms.

I let the tears fall the same as they always had and dragged in another breath, as I continued to loath the disease that made me feel so much less than. That had taken my womanhood. The disease that had stolen days of my life I could never get back and made me contemplate things I never thought I would. Flare ups like this one came every so often for me and this was the worst time for one to come. I wasn't prepared for it and I didn't have time to let it knock me out for a week like it always did. But that was just another perk to this disease. It was never timed but often random and inconvenient as hell.

I slowly sat up and wiped the tears away while I clutched the bed pillow tightly to my abdomen and rocked back and forth. The waves of pain that felt as if someone was carving out my insides like a pumpkin, washed over me and the dreaded nausea welled in my stomach from it.

I tried to control my emotions as the night wore on but couldn't. They were as raw for me as the pain was. The pain radiated around to my lower back and steadily crept its way into my legs, causing even my joints to ache with the awful fatigue it brought along with it.

Days of stress had made me dread it's approach and now that it was here, I feared I wouldn't be able to hide it away from anyone anymore. That my secret would be exposed before I could get back to Maine in one piece.

**A/N: Thank you for reading and for all your great reviews. Look for another update tomorrow. Sorry for the delay in posting this week. Back on track now. Till then...**


	26. Chapter 26

**CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX**

**(BPOV)**

When the hour passed midnight, I found myself reaching for more Tylenol and cussing when I dropped the bottle, sending the contents flying across the bathroom floor. The first dose had barely touched the pain and I could hardly move from it, my head spinning with the migraine that continued to pound it's way through my had like a speeding freight train on the run.

It was moments like this that I couldn't help but darkly laugh at the irony of it all. I was a nurse and a good one. I knew the ins and outs of pain levels and protocol, and just how much acetaminophen ones liver could withstand without the potential of harmful side effects, but at this point in time, I truthfully didn't much care. I needed something for relief... anything... -to make it stop. I felt my stomach violently churn when I poured myself another glass of water and the nausea intensified.

I hated this.

The all too familiar feelings of failure swarmed over me when I raised my head to take in my paled reflection seconds before I whirled around and emptied the contents of my stomach into the toilet.

This was going to be a bad one. The flare ups that started out like this always were and they never changed course, instead they carried true to their previous paths of agony.

Hours of barely being able to walk or move or even shower because the touch from the water alone, and the jostle of movement would send you all but reeling to the floor. I hated to be touched in any way or even breathed on when it was this bad. The slightest brush of contact with another made me recoil away from them. The only people I'd ever been open enough to share this hell with was Callie and Tina back at Pen Bay. A night of drinking had proved to be the exact amount of truth serum I needed to spill my guts to them in a local bar on the coast a few years ago. They were generous and understanding about it that following Monday when we were all sobered up and had to face each other at work. Both of them gave me their word that they wouldn't share what I'd drunkenly told them with anyone, and I knew they respected how deeply personal it was to me. We'd formed an even closer friendship since then. They were the few people I still trusted most back home and I cherished their friendship.

A light knock on the bathroom door made me silence my tears, as Charlie's concerned voice lingered out to me from the hallway.

"Bella? Are you in there? You feeling alright?"

I flushed the toilet and washed my hands and face, before clearing my throat and finding my voice to answer him.

"I'm fine, dad. Just ate something that didn't agree with me. Don't worry, I'll be alright. Go back to bed."

I saw his shadow move from under the door at my words,!and I let out the breath I was holding until I heard his bedroom door latch closed.

I snuck across the hall back into my room and hurriedly closed the door behind me. I didn't want him, or anyone for that matter, to know about my endometriosis. Call it foolish, but I hated the very idea of pity from others, because to most, it wasn't even something they'd heard of. It was far more common than anyone knew, but far less talked about among the thousands of woman out there who suffered in the same way I did. Somehow, it felt shameful or insignificant because it couldn't take your life like some of the other more serious and terminal illnesses in the world. One of the worst feelings about this was the feeling of being alone with it, of being misunderstood or worse, of being looked at as weak.

Since I was diagnosed all those years ago, my symptoms hadn't changed or lessened with time, if anything, they had gotten much worse over the last twelve months and not one doctor could tell me why.

I felt like I was going completely crazy. How was it that we had all these medical advancements out there but still had no solid answer on curing something like this? At first, once I got my job at Pen Bay, I was more determined than ever to win. To beat endometriosis at its own game and push through the painful symptoms, but I quickly learned that you didn't control it but that it controlled you. I forced myself to work even when the pain was bad and stubbornly kept going most days.

I hauled my bag up off the floor and searched through it for the meds I'd thrown in there last minute. I was on a list of varying medications. All of them expensive and needed in order for me to try and subdue some of the symptoms so I could have somewhat of a normal life, and not be stuck in bed for days at a time throughout any given month.

I was given all my options when I rushed into the ER one weekend last month from the excruciating pain of a ruptured cyst on my left ovary. I had passed out from the pain and Callie had driven me to Pen Bay demanding that I be seen. When I came to hours later, the on call doctor had informed me that my ovary was scarred from the rupture and that I may need surgery to repair it. I remember him listing the options for surgery and which one was known to work best, but I went numb after the first part of his briefing and inadvertently tuned out the rest.

I took the handful of meds in my shaking hands and downed the daily dose, before crawling back onto the bed, and burying myself under the covers with a heating pad pressed to my middle.

Almost every doctor I had seen in the past told me that I was far too young to have such a severe and complicated case of endometriosis, and that the newest scans they'd done revealed nothing new to them. This always left me sinking further into a deeper depression than before because it only confirmed what I already knew, that there was no hope to fix this or ease the pain. One therapist had even been so callous enough as to tell me that maybe I had some other deep seated issues from my childhood that could spark my need for such constant medical attention. I cussed and left her room without ever looking back, my hand connecting with the stack of papers on her clipboard and throwing them at her before I shut the door behind me. Needless to say, I didn't seek out the mental help from a deemed professional like that again. It was pointless and just another way for them to get their hands on your money. Not one of them ever took the time to invest in me, or really hear what I was feeling, before unfairly labeling me another head case of theirs that needed some kind of anti psychotic medication. They had tried to get me on every kind of anti-anxiety and mood stabilizing medication that there was, and I had stubbornly refused them all cause I knew that this wasn't just in my head. The pain I was feeling was real.

I curled in on myself further then, trying to shield myself against the stabbing knife that continued to mercilessly tear me apart from the inside out. As morbid and horrific as that sounded, it was truly what this felt like.

I laid there thinking back to my run in with Angela Webber at the local market, recalling how wide her smile was when she gazed happily down at her two small children and as happy as I was for her, there was another selfish part of me that hated to admit I was jealous of her. I could remember every time I'd seen a similar scene back home. One where I would be going about my day and come across the happy family at the supermarket while I got my groceries, their laughter sincere as they tried to juggle their children and still manage to get everything on their list.

The pain I felt from this only stood to remind me of all those times, all the ways my heart would shatter from the knowledge that I would never be a mother. In all the things that this disease had taken from me in it's ten year wrath, I considered this one to be of the most tragic.

How was it that I could achingly grieve that which I never had? How was it fathomable that I wanted something so much that I couldn't have for my own and yet to others, it had come so easily and natural?

A womans body was made to bear children. We were built for it in every way.

I shook from the cold that invaded me with these familiar haunting thoughts and closed my eyes, trying to find some sort of relief in the sleep I already knew wouldn't find me tonight.

The hours crept by and I found it hard to move as the aching in my legs made the slightest motion painful for me. I slowly pulled myself up and glanced toward the clock, the time making me let out a choked sob when I noticed it was already approaching three in the morning and I was beyond exhausted.

My head pounded with an ache that made my vision blur as the suffocating fear began to take hold.

This was how bad it was right before Callie had rushed me into the hospital the last time. I looked toward my bedroom door, debating on calling out to Charlie as my tears steadily fell. If I yelled loud enough, I knew he would hear me and come running. I trembled like a leaf as I stood on unsteady and throbbing legs and slowly made my way across the room. My mouth opened to call out for Charlie when the sound of sudden movement just outside my barely opened window made me still there where I stood, my eyes unable to make out anything in the blinding darkness until I reached forward and switched on the light beside me.

The wind blew the heavy snow coated branches against the glass, and I felt my hope dissolve when I realized where the noise had come from, as I peered down to the white ground below. I was about to turn away when the slightest movement in the tree line ahead made me pause and lean in closer to the window, my breath causing the cold glass to fog while I squinted out into the night.

A sliver of russet fur made my breath hitch when I reached down and threw open my window further, my body profusely shivering from the bitter wind that continued to blow in through my room now.

I couldn't take my eyes from the tree line as Jacob soon stepped out there wearing only his tattered cut offs and raising his head to meet my far off gaze.

"Jacob."

He crossed the yard in six long strides and peered up at me wordlessly, his dark eyes pained and full of longing, as I backed away from the window and waited for him to climb through it.

I stood there still shivering when he easily leapt in through the opening and landed nimbly on his feet. He took one look at me and then nervously glanced toward my bedroom door, his silent question making me offer up an immediate answer.

"Charlie's asleep." I breathed, hurriedly wiping away the few stray tears still on my cheeks and noticing the concern that filled his gaze at this.

My eyes roamed over his bare shoulders and chest, the rich tan color of his russet skin still breathtaking as I counted the small cuts on his arms and legs, some of them still healing and fresh enough to bleed.

His dark gaze met mine and I saw his countenance change when he caught sight of my reddened eyes and pale color. I felt open and exposed in a way I hadn't allowed myself to be in a long time and it made me want to disappear. I had done well to hide away from the watchful eyes of everyone around me for so long that anything else felt too raw and vulnerable.

Jacob looked torn as he stood there by my window, his hands twitching slightly at his sides while the two of us remained silent.

I could see it in his face that he knew, without me needing to voice it to him, that I was hurting. That I had been for a long time.

I tried not to show it as the seconds dragged on, his piercing gaze touching every part of me and tearing down the walls I'd built up for the past decade. It was almost as if I could see the pages turning while he slowly but surely began to read me like the same open book I'd always been to him. Something I myself thought time surely would have erased by now, but when he took a few steps forward and paused, I saw the clear indecision on his face and I knew that nothing had changed. He was still the one who knew me best despite the time that had lapsed.

I blinked and felt the wetness touch my cheeks once again when he looked my way, and I hung my head in defeat as the stabbing pain washed over me in another never ending wave that nearly sent me to the floor.

I crumpled under it's weight with a cry that I was sure would wake Charlie, my legs threatening to give out with my words.

"I can't do this anymore."

Jacob was there before I could let out another sob, his strong arms wrapping around me as he braced my fall and held me tightly to him. I didn't cringe or shy away from his touch like I thought I would. Like I had done to everyone else who had tried to comfort me in times past for this hell, instead I let his warmth envelope me.

I had truly forgotten what this felt like. What his embraces had always offered me, the solid sanctuary they provided and I relished in it.

**A/N: Thank you for reading and please review. Next chapter tomorrow in Jacobs point of view.**


	27. Chapter 27

**CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN**

**(JPOV)**

I was only a mere mile from the Reservation when my course suddenly changed, the images in my head causing me to halt my run in an instant as Bella's face invaded any prior thought and became my center focus.

Her tears dripped steadily from her cheeks and her pain was so real for me that my own joints began to profusely ache in response.

I huffed and skidded to a jarring halt there in the freshly fallen snow under my paws, as the images hit me one after the other, like a violent kick to the stomach. Each one of them roamed over me, the heaviness of her agony washing through me with enough tangible weight that I was soon hunkered down there in the snow with a loud whine escaping my muzzle.

I had gone through hell to deaden this pull to her years ago, and I had hated every second of denying the seemingly undeniable, of changing the magnetic direction of something that wasn't supposed to have the ability to be redirected at all. But against the odds and against the advice of nearly every council member Billy had sought the wise council of, that's exactly what we had done.

I tried to stand, but found it hard to keep myself upright as the images all blurred together then. Some of them so graphic that it caused a renewed rush of heat to lick it's way further up my spine.

After some time had passed, the images changed from past to current and I found the strength I needed to pick myself up off the forest floor and tear off in the direction of Forks. I ran faster and pushed myself harder when the border came into view, the visions of Bella's pain enough to make me ignore the burning in my lungs while I neared the bordering trees of Charlie's back yard.

The pull to be near her was damn near suffocating, and when I broke free from the clearing and noticed her light was still on, I couldn't help but feel the guilt consume me. I wanted to take her in my arms, and that left me riddled with a nauseating and sickening shame that I loathed. What was supposed to be the most natural thing in the world was far more difficult than I wanted to admit.

I'd let her go all those years ago so she could find who she was. Let her run states away to be where she wanted and pursue her dream career in the field she had such a passion for, but in all the time she'd been gone, there wasn't a single day that went by when I didn't think of her or wonder how she was fairing in Maine. I wanted, above all else, to know that she was happy in her life. That she was fulfilled in every way. That she was safe.

There was a time after she first left that her absence would literally tear me apart, both physically and mentally.

Sam had been my saving grace back then, he'd sought further council from some of the elders, and both he and Billy had endured endless late night meetings to find a way for me to still carry out my pack duties without the separation from Bella causing me to endure anymore agony.

It was hell. Pure undiluted hell.

After weeks of advice and pawing through more of the older legends, Sam found the sought after loop hole we needed, and I had followed every detailed instruction given to me by the elders in order to deny the imprint and break the hold to her. I hated the very idea of severing that tie to her like that, of breaking something so solid to the person I already loved without any wolf magic involved. She was such a fixed part of me and that connection to her ran bone deep. I had begrudgingly taken Billy's advice, and even though I knew it wasn't permanent, and that it would allow me the freedom to move on in the same way she had, none of it settled well with me.

Lillian came into my life that following Summer like a whirlwind. She had caught me off guard and how fast I fell for her made me question everything I'd ever known about the imprint to begin with. How could something that was meant to be forever, something that I previously despised before it had taken hold of me, be released as the elders claimed it could? You weren't even supposed to be able to look at another woman who wasn't your imprint. It made you blind to anyone else because no one could ever come close to her. No one could make you feel the way she did and when I met Lillian, I found myself dumbfounded at how free I actually felt with that pull being temporarily removed.

My love for Lilly had been nothing but true, but the more time went on, and the more years that crept steadily by, the more I would lose sleep over Bella. I had dreams of her, and sometimes they were so real that I hated to even close my eyes cause I knew what was waiting for me when I did. She was always alone in them and the light in her eyes void, her face pale and lacking the vibrant blush I'd come to miss seeing more than I could put words to.

Despite the fact that I stopped phasing, as truly painful as that had been, these feelings didn't go away and it often made me feel like a traitor.

My father wasn't blind to this and neither was Sam. They'd taken notice over the past few years how I'd become guarded. How I never lingered around Charlie for too long without excusing myself to tend to other things. He was never anything less than cordial to me and Lilly when we did have the occasional dinner together in Forks, but I found it almost painful to look him in the face because his eyes reminded me too much of Bella's.

I let out another huff and glanced up to the light the shined brightly through her bedroom window, the glow of it like a lighthouse to me in a raging storm. My wolf gaze lingered on the tall tree that I knew every branch to like the back of my hand. The one I had hiked up dozens of times to hold her while she slept when my patrol was over. We did this for weeks before she left for Maine and Charlie was none the wiser.

That felt like a lifetime ago right now.

Time had changed the two of us, pulled us further in opposite directions and I'd be an absolute fool to think she would stick around here in Washington for too long. Her whole life was back in Maine and I wasn't part of that.

I listened to the treasured sound of her racing heart and looked back toward the forest, debating on what my next move should be. I couldn't ignore the magnetic draw to her no matter how hard I tried to turn myself back around toward the darkened tree cover behind me.

She was still awake and the night was nearly over. Maybe she was having just as hard a time sleeping as I was?

I waited there by the forests edge and wared with myself on whether or not I should fight this any longer, or just give in to the constant pull I'd felt since the first time I heard her voice again in that hospital.

This was so hard.

I phased back to human form, landing barefoot in the snow and swiftly pulling on my cut offs, as I headed across Charlie's back yard, the movement I caught sight of from above me making it impossible for me to not look up and see her there.

She peered out into the darkness through her window, her gaze fixing on my own when I stared up at her.

She was just as beautiful as ever and I cussed under my breath for even having the thought in my head.

Did I need permission to go up? Would she tell me to go home?

Damn was this screwed up.

I sighed and ignored my inner monologue as I finished crossing the yard and saw her back away from the window, her face awash with the same kind of indifference I felt right about now.

She knew this was hard for me. I could see it in her expression when I quickly climbed the tree for the first time again in almost ten years, and leapt through her half opened window like it was second nature for me.

Bella froze where she was when I landed on my feet in front of her and slowly stood up straight, my eyes meeting hers and every part of me feeling locked in place with the effort it took for me not to cross her bedroom and hold her the way I wanted to. My gaze soon went to her door, silently questioning whether or not Charlie was still awake, and if he was about to come barging in here with a loaded shotgun for me standing half naked in front of his daughter, and in the middle of the dead of night no less. Bella easily read my face and offered up her reply.

"Charlie's asleep." She softly confirmed in a whisper.

I stilled further then at the sound of the broken and unsteady tone she spoke this in, her pale face filling with an almost fearful and pained expression when she tried to look away from me.

And just like that, all my prior worrying and overthinking vanished from the hurt I caught in those two words. Like the steam that rises from the hot asphalt after a cool rain on a blistering hot Summer day, it all left me in a fleeting vapor. The heavy fog in my head disappeared in an instant, and for the first time since I'd laid eyes on her again in the hospital, I saw her. Really saw her. The dark circles under her doe eyes that told me she hadn't slept much tonight, or in the nights prior, and the shaking in her thin frame that made me instinctively step forward, my hands now twitching at my sides to comfort her.

Everything seemed to cave in then, her tears dripping down her snow white cheeks when she blinked and began to crumple in on herself in front of me.

"I can't do this anymore."

I moved forward and took hold of her and in the next second, she was in my arms.

I pressed her to me and like a dam had been broken, she let out a wail that tore through me, her body trembling with her tears like she had been holding onto something far too heavy for far too long.

I kept her close and noticed the heating pad on the bed along with the half a dozen bottles of unknown meds that lay scattered in a disarray next to it.

What the hell had she been through in the time we'd been apart?

**A/N: Thanks for reading and please review. I'm so sorry for the delay in posting this new chapter and I very much appreciate your patience with me.**


	28. Chapter 28

**CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT**

**(BPOV)**

My eyes slowly opened and the shiver that normally touched my skin first thing in the morning, never came. My body was covered in a soothing warmth that made me gasp as I moved and felt Jacobs hand squeeze mine. I glanced down and noticed that his fingers were laced through mine and placed over my stomach. His warm breath ghosted over my neck when he spoke and I tried to remember when I had fallen asleep.

"Are you okay, Bells?" He asked, his husky tone laced with concern.

"You stayed here with me?" I replied.

Jacob nodded and pulled his hand out of mine with a shaky breath.

"I couldn't leave you like that." He guiltily replied, glancing worriedly toward the bedroom door.

"I don't remember-..."

"You cried yourself to sleep."

His tone was thick and strained as he stood and reached down his hand toward me.

"I'm sorry-... you just lost-... and I-... oh God- Jacob-... I'm-"

"It's alright." He countered.

I got to my feet and saw his dark eyes roam over my middle as I paused there by the bed, waiting for the pain to hit me in the same way it always did.

"Thank you for staying with me, Jacob."

He looked back at me with a sorrowful expression, his face falling with his timid reply.

"I don't think it helped you. I wish I had."

"You being here meant more than you know." I sincerely countered.

"How long have you been hurting like this?"

I turned away from him, my steps slow while I tried to form a response to his question.

"I'll be alright." I assured him, placing a hand on my dresser, and noticing the empty Tylenol bottle as a wave of panic settled over me.

I couldn't already be out. I would surely need it later. It was always a staple in my house back in Maine.

Jacobs approach was silent then and I nearly jumped out of my skin when his firm chest suddenly pressed against my back, his face a mere inch from my shoulder with his reply.

"That's not what I asked, Bells. Tell me... -please tell me." He warmly implored.

I turned my head at the sound of his warm plea, feeling the tears well in my eyes from the familiar nickname he used.

"There's a lot of things I kept to myself...-"

"Things that made you go to Maine all that time ago?" He asked.

I merely nodded and the color drained from his face when he drew me into his arms again.

"I know your scared to tell me. I know exactly how that feels. Just know that I'm here for you. That hasn't changed. It never will."

"I'm the one whose supposed to be here for you-" I countered, as he released me and glanced toward the window.

"I think we're meant to be here for each other." He stated. "I have to go get Clarissa from Sam and Emily's. Is it alright if I come back to pick you up later?"

"Yeah, I'll be here." I replied, seeing the tension ripple through his body from my response.

"First Beach?" He asked, his gaze holding mine with a longing that made it hard for me to reply at first.

"Of course. I don't know if our driftwood is still there but-"

"It is. It's still there." He solidly replied. "I do some of my best thinking there."

"I've missed that place."

"I've missed you being there with me, Bells. Never been the same without you. A lot hasn't been the same without you. I'll come pick you up at noon."

He threw open the window and with those parting words, climbed down the tree and landed back on his feet in the snow. He ran for the woods with a speed that my eyes could barely follow. He was faster than I remembered. Even on two legs.

I stood there with my hand over my abdomen and heard the faint knock come to the door from Charlie.

"Hey, kiddo. Are you feeling better this morning?"

"Yeah, dad. I think so."

"Care to join me for breakfast soon?" Charlie hedged with hope clear in his baritone.

"I'll be down in a little while." I assured him. "Two eggs over easy and wheat toast with peanut butter, remember?"

"Yeah, kiddo. I do remember. I'll leave it on the stove for you to start unless we want a friendly visit from the fire department with me cooking?" Charlie chuckled, as he headed down the stairs.

"Okay, I'll cook then." I teasingly replied, placing a hand on my abdomen and stilling when I noticed the pain was no longer there.

I showered and dressed in a hurry and met Charlie in the kitchen, his dark eyes assessing me from afar when he handed me a cup of coffee.

"Poured this one for you."

"Thanks, dad." I replied, taking a sip and getting busy with making breakfast from the eggs and bread he'd placed on the counter. "This shouldn't take too long. How many eggs would you like?"

Charlie placed his coffee mug down next to mine and narrowed his suspicious gaze with his answer.

"Bella, I know you're an adult and far be it from me to tell you what to do given your age now...-" He cautiously began with trepidation.

"Dad, what-..."

"I know Jacob was here last night. That he stayed in your room with you."

I dropped the two eggs in my hand at his words, and cussed when they broke open all over the kitchen floor leaving a slippery mess behind.

"It's not- … he wasn't... dad, it's not what you-" I stammered, grabbing the paper towels and swiftly sopping up the broken eggs beneath our feet.

"I am not accusing you of anything. You two are no longer teenagers, but please Bella, please don't let his grief turn into something between the two of you. No good can come from that. He's hurting in the worst way."

"I know...-" I replied, thinking of how the exact opposite had been true last night. How he'd been there for me instead of the other way around. "I promise I'm here to help and support him, dad. That's all. You don't need to worry about anything, well... except the mess on the floor."

Charlie huffed and soon offered me half a smile while he headed for the closet to get the mop, and leaving me alone with my thoughts in the kitchen. I placed two slices of bread in the toaster and heated the skillet on the stove as I recalled the way Jacob had shown up outside my window when my pain had been the worst, when I was barely able to stand on my own from it.

How would he have known?

I shook my head and glanced out the window ahead of me, my eyes becoming fixed on the snowy tree line ahead as I wondered where he was out there.

I was still terrified to tell him the truth about what I'd been dealing with and why I had moved to Maine and left him behind, but as I stood there buttering Charlie's toast, I marveled at how the stabbing pain was gone from me as suddenly as it had come. I knew how my flare ups worked and this was out of the norm for them. They often stayed for days and not hours.

I was missing something and I had a feeling that Jacob knew far more than he was letting on.

**A/N: Two updates in one day! Thanks for reading! :-)**


	29. Chapter 29

**CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE**

**(BPOV)**

Charlie gobbled down his breakfast like he was starving and even asked for seconds, his compliments of my cooking doing my heart some good after the rough night I'd had.

"Damn, I've surely missed your culinary skills around this place. Diner food is good and all but it's not the same as home made. Nothing beats your cooking, kid!" Charlie stated with a full mouth, his eyes going to the large stack of French toast and rounded fruit bowl I'd added to his breakfast a few moments ago.

I took a bite of the fresh strawberry on the end of my fork and smiled his way, the two of us sharing some quality time together in a way we hadn't in so long.

I missed it far more than I thought I had.

"I'm glad my cooking still makes you happy, dad." I admitted. "At least I'm still good for something around here."

"Having you back home makes me happy, Bella. I just wish it wasn't so temporary is all." He truthfully replied, taking a swig from his coffee and reluctantly meeting my gaze from across the small wooden table.

"You're making this hard for me, you know? Talking like that...-"

Charlie paused with his fork of waffles half raised to his mouth, his crestfallen look causing a sadness to settle over the kitchen then. "Bella, I know I haven't always been the best father to you. I wasn't there as much as I should have been, and I lacked in a lot of ways but it sure would mean the world to me if we could spend more time together than we have been. All these past years without you around have been hard. I just wanna be part of your life in whatever way you'll have me, kiddo. I mean that."

His sincere words made me forget all about the full plate of breakfast food in front of me. I had never heard him be so honest and it made my heart warm.

"Dad, you were there for me when it really counted. You know I love you. I still have ten days left of the extended leave I took. Pen Bay approved my request and we can make the most of it. Maybe even go ice fishing before I go back to Maine?"

Charlie looked shocked at this as he finished the rest of his eggs with a huff of true surprise.

"What- you- you mean to tell me that you'll go out on the lake and freeze with me to catch some fish? Are you really serious? You know it's only been reaching the low thirties around these parts lately? Sure you could handle that kind of blustery cold all day?"

"I'm sure. Trust me, Maine is just as cold and besides, maybe it will do me some good to bond with nature a bit while I'm still here? Couldn't hurt."

"Wow, I never expected to hear you say that. I would love to go ice fishing with you. Let's aim for this Sunday? What do you say? We'll get up bright and early and take off? Should I mark it on the calendar?"

"Yes, you should! Consider it set in stone." I replied, hurriedly finishing my last few bites of fruit and downing my coffee, as Charlie eyed me curiously.

"Don't choke, kiddo. Where's the fire? You always eat slower than I do? Whatever happened to that?"

"No fire, but Jacob is coming over at noon to pick me up and I still have to clean up the kitchen."

Charlie set his plate back down on the table with a disapproving glare, the seriousness on his face making me rethink my choice of words, as he shook his head and gestured to the door.

"Bella, I thought we talked about this already before breakfast? Jacob needs time to grieve, not go head first into something else. He's always had a soft spot for you. Hell, poor guy sure did try to make you love him. Have to give him some credit for that at least. He's been a good friend to you. Saw you through some real hard times and I just don't want things to get complicated for the two of you again."

I stood there at the sink, piling the dishes into the sudsy water and stilling my hands upon hearing his concerned remarks.

"Jacob never had to try to make me love him. He's pretty easy to be around and he brings out the best in people. He's already lovable."

"That's not the kind of love I'm talking about and you know it. Don't play your old man for a fool. It's not nice to do." Charlie teasingly griped when he handed me his empty plate and fork.

"I assure you, that's not what's happening. Jeez dad, I never knew you to be such a worry wart. Is that a new trait you've adopted in your older age? Kinda like the AARP card in your wallet?" I teased back, stifling a soft laugh, as Charlie crossed his arms over his chest and narrowed his gaze at me in annoyance.

"Hey now, you best bite your tongue there. You're not exactly a Spring chicken anymore yourself! Dirty thirty is coming for you quicker than you think."

I laughed and tossed a dish towel at him.

"That's not nice."

"You know it's true." He sarcastically drawled.

"Yeah, but I'm okay with it." I sighed, stacking the plates in the cupboard as Charlie shook his head to me in disbelief.

"Alright, Alright. Speaking of getting older, anyone back in Maine caught your eye yet? Any new man in your life I need to do a thorough background check on?"

"Hardly, I don't have time for that. Not many of us nurses do. It's a hectic field, dad. You of all people should know that." I replied, unable to hide my sheepish grin from the sight of Charlie's flummoxed expression at this.

"Come on, you can't huddle yourself up in that little house of yours and hide away from any potential husbands out there. You have to actually date, Bella. Get out there and try. Isn't like they'll show up on your doorstep as the Fed Ex man and ask you out for dinner. That's not exactly how it works, in case you forgot."

"I can't believe this is coming from you. The terminal bachelor of Forks! You yourself haven't dated in years! Sue is beautiful and available and she's exactly right for you if you ask me, but have you made a move yet?"

I watched Charlie's cheeks go red from his sudden blush, and I chuckled when he shrugged off my response and handed me another spoon to put away in the silverware drawer.

"That's not the same. I'm too old to be-"

"No, you are not. You're entitled to just as much companionship and happiness as everyone else. Age has nothing to do with it." I countered, placing my hands on my hips and earning myself an eyeroll from him.

"Stop that. You look just like your mother when you do that! Drives me nuts!" He huffed then, playfully tossing his towel back at me and storming off into the living room toward his favorite recliner with his coffee in hand.

"I take it that I win this debate of ours then?"

"Yeah, sure. I'll give you this one, but you're the one who's going to end up an old spinster if you don't start dating soon."

I followed out after him, plopping down on the couch with a bemused look his way.

"This is rich. You hated me dating in high school, dad. Loathed the idea even. Now you're pushing for it?"

"Correction- I hated _who_ it was you dated in high school. Now, if you had chosen someone else, someone half decent and wasn't a glorified Jackass then you wouldn't have heard nearly as much complaining from me." Charlie sternly pointed out with a raised eyebrow, as he peered over his morning newspaper and turned on the TV.

"I know Edward was never your cup of tea or anything. The two of you were never exactly close."

"My cup of tea?" Charlie half choked out to me in return. "You could say that! Yeah, you've definitely got that right. He wasn't my cup of tea or my cup of coffee or even my shot of whiskey for that matter. Guy never suited you, Bella. Something about him was just- I don't know-... off. I could never put my finger on it but it just didn't sit well with me when you two were together. Call it cop instinct, I guess. Something like that."

I went completely quiet at this, thinking back to all the times that my father had not so subtly nudged me in Jacobs direction, all the while still claiming he had no favorites.

Yeah... right. If he said so.

"You've always had good intuition. Part of your charm."

"I try." Charlie sighed with half a grin to me as he went on with reading the sports section. " Listen Bella, all kidding aside, I need you to be careful with Jacob, alright? Can you do that for me? Keep the lines of your friendship a little more clear this time? Do you think there's a way for you two to disentangle yourselves a bit? I'm not asking just for his sake, but also for Billy's. You have to be smarter with his heart this time around, Bella. You guys have separate lives now and when you go back to Maine, it will be hard enough for him on top of the grief he's suffering from. Let's not add any insult to injury."

I chose to bite my tongue and merely nodded to him as I glanced at the mindless entertainment now displaying on the screen in front of us when a knock came to the front door. I got to my feet and hurriedly answered it, my heart leaping into my throat as my gaze fell on a wide eyed Jacob and an inconsolable Clarissa.


	30. Chapter 30

**CHAPTER THIRTY**

**(BPOV)**

Jacob looked truly panicked as he stood there in the doorway with sweet Clarissa, his arms keeping her close while she continued to fuss.

"I'm sorry, Bells. I know we had plans but she won't stop crying. I've tried everything all morning. Nothing works."

Charlie stood up next to me when he heard this, his gaze lingering on them as Jacob came inside and tried to soothe her with a pacifier.

"Maybe she's teething, son?" He suggested to him with a shrug my way. "You always fussed like that for hours when you were. Nothing could calm you down. Renee used to fret so much over you back then."

I could see the worry and asperity in Jacobs eyes when they roamed over Clarissa's face and it made my own heart ache for him.

"Lilly always rocked her when she was fussy like this. I've tried that. Doesn't seem to help. She's never been this bad. Emily said she slept fine through the night. I don't know-... I don't-" He stammered.

Charlie took Clarissa's coat from him and glanced my way with a sorrowful expression.

"It's alright, son. I'm sure between the three of us, we can figure this out and help little Clarissa here. Right, Bella?" Charlie hedged.

"Yes, of course we can." I replied, seeing the dejected look Jacob wore while she continued to cry in his arms. He was having a hard time with all this and it was heartbreaking to see.

I moved myself closer to his side with a weary smile when he hung his head in tired frustration.

"There's a rocking chair in Charlie's room. We've had it for years. I can bring it down and see if maybe a change of environment would help her?" I offered.

"That's a good idea." Charlie agreed. "That thing hasn't been rocked in for a long time, but I'm sure it will still do the job. It belonged to Renee but she left it here for Bella years ago. I think she had hopes that one day, she'd have grandchildren to rock to sleep in it."

I swallowed hard, ignoring the painful lump that formed in my throat at this and headed upstairs to fetch the chair for Jacob. When I reach the top of them, I paused and wiped away the traitorous tears that tried to show my pain from Charlie's words.

I couldn't hold anything against him. He had no idea what I'd endured. No idea what I'd lost in the five years I had spent in Maine. Very few did and I had high hopes of keeping it that way.

When I returned with the old wooden rocking chair and placed it next to the sofa in the living room, I saw Jacob's eyes fill with something I couldn't place and it unnerved me, his piercing gaze settling on my own for a fleeting second that made me forget Charlie was still in the room with us.

The far away look he had reminded me of someone who was lost in Deja Vu and I silently wondered what was racing through that mind of his right now.

I grabbed the blanket on the couch and motioned for him to sit in the chair, but when he approached me, Clarissa's hand reached out and took hold of my hair, her tiny fingers wrapping tightly around the thick strands that covered my petite shoulders in a fistful.

I placed my hand over hers, carefully freeing her delicate fingers when she suddenly stopped crying and stared at me, her reddened eyes making my heart nearly burst when she leaned out and reached for me then. Jacobs gaze held mine and I froze where I was, unable to move while she held out her tiny arms toward me.

Jacob took another step forward and stared between the two of us as I hesitantly began to back away, the feeling of intrusion making it difficult for me to breathe, as Clarissa started to cry again when I released her hand from my hair.

This wasn't my place.

This was so far from my place that I had to fight the urge to stay there and not flee into the other room, but when Clarissa looked to me again, that swiftly changed. Her wide innocent eyes were full of tears and dripping down her round cheeks, and I found my own eyes beginning to well with emotion as Jacob slowly held her out to me.

Charlie looked almost ashen as he peered back and forth between Jacob and myself, his bewildered gaze easy to read when I tenderly took Clarissa and held her in my arms. She laid her head on my shoulder and I looked down at her precious face so close to mine as she quieted there with heavy lids.

Charlie scooted the rocking chair closer to me and Jacob held out the blanket, his eyes glossy when he soon draped the heavy duvet over Clarissa. Within minutes she nodded off to sleep while I rocked her and I saw Charlie wrap a supportive arm around Jacobs shoulders, his next few words leaving me baffled when he spoke them.

"Jacob, you're more than welcome to stay here for the day, but I think I'll head into work for a few hours this morning. Got mounds of paperwork to do and the station is usually less crowded this time of day. I'll grab some dinner on the way home tonight, Bella. Save you from cooking. Might even grab two extra pizza's case we have company, huh."

With that, Charlie threw on his jacket and gloves and left the house without so much as a backwards glance. I couldn't help but recall how his behavior had been much the same when I was still living here in high school whenever Jake would pay an unexpected visit. Charlie had a bad habit of making himself rather scarce back then, too. Some things never changed I supposed.

"Here..." I sighed, beginning to get up and hand Clarissa back to Jacob now that she was fast asleep but his outstretched hand stopped me.

"It's alright, Bells. She's comfortable with you. Please, let her sleep."

I caught the anguish that was heavy in his husky tone as he spoke, and I leaned back in the rocking chair with an outstretched hand to him.

"She's just teething, Jacob. She feels a bit warm to me, too. Could have a fever. That's normal with teething. Nothing to worry about."

Jacob sighed heavily and hunkered himself down on the floor in front of the rocking chair, his back coming to rest against my knees as we sat there in brief silence. He placed his head in his hands and I could almost feel the tension radiating off him in waves as he fought like hell to keep control.

"When is the last time you slept, Jake? More than just a few hours?" I whispered, touching his shoulder and seeing his hand reach blindly back for mine in response.

"Been a while." He admitted.

"Why don't you lay down on the couch and take a nap? I could sit here with her for you so you can get some rest? You're running on empty."

"I don't want to sleep." He hoarsely admitted, squeezing my hand.

"You have to sometime." I softly replied.

"I know."

"How was the first phase back for you? Was it painful?"

He went mute at this for what seemed like forever before offering up any kind of reply.

"In some ways. Not in others."

I released his hand and timidly touched his hair, my fingertips gliding effortlessly through his silky thick jet black strands, as he turned his head and peered up at me over his shoulder.

"You need another haircut? I could do that for you if you want?" I stated, noticing how the length was now grown out enough to barely cover the tops of his ears.

"Yeah, I've needed one for a few weeks. I'd appreciate that."

I heard the soft rumbling in his stomach and inched myself forward in the rocking chair while I carefully balanced Clarissa in my arms.

"I made a huge breakfast for Charlie this morning and there's plenty of left overs in the fridge. You're welcome to them. I could heat something up for you?"

"Thanks, honey. I'm just not hungry."

My face fell at his words as I cautiously stood and laid Clarissa on the couch, surrounding her little body with a wall of pillows, before I sat down there next to her and motioned for Jacob to take my place. He did so without question and placed a protective hand on her chest while I headed for the kitchen and made him a plate.

"You don't have to do that." He called out after me but I merely shook my head and continued on with fixing him something to eat.

When I had piled the stack of french toast six slices high and added two heaping sides of scrambled eggs and fruit to his plate, I took it out to him and placed it in his lap with a fork.

"Please eat...-"

"Bells, I-... I'm just not-..."

"For me?" I soon hedged, seeing his head raise at this as the same look from before crossed his features. "I worry for you."

"Okay." He reluctantly obliged, taking a bite of eggs and watching Clarissa while she continued to sleep peacefully there on the sofa.

I sat down next to him and tucked the blanket further in around her, as he began to shovel the rest of the plate in like he hadn't eaten a single thing in days.

"There's plenty more where that came from."

"Thanks, honey. I'm good with this." He replied, looking my way when I absentmindedly wrapped my arms around my middle. His darkened gaze closely followed my movements, keeping his eyes there a beat too long before he looked back down at the food in his lap.

Jacob soon finished his last few bites and I took the plate from him with half a satisfied smile.

"That was good. I haven't had your cooking in years. Haven't lost your touch, I see. Still puts anyone else's to shame. You and Sue Clearwater should open up your own restaurant."

"You're too kind." I replied, placing his dish in the sink and pouring him a tall glass of orange juice.

I handed it to him and he gulped it down in a hurry.

"Do you have somewhere to be? Is Sam waiting for you?"

Jacobs expression went remorseful then, his eyes hesitant to meet mine with his reply.

"I just came from his place. They don't expect me back for patrol until tomorrow night." He replied.

"Did you miss it? The speed and being in wolf form?" I nervously asked when he looked my way again.

"I missed parts of it. The speed being one thing, yeah. Other things never really left me."

I bit down on my bottom lip at his answer and tucked a lock of hair behind my ear, his earnest words filled with a double meaning I could hear but couldn't accurately place.

The house was empty and Clarissa was content for now but there was a tension in the air that made it hard for me to focus.

"What things didn't leave you?" I began and saw him tear his eyes from my own. "The supernatural hearing or the strength or-..."

"Why did you leave?" He pointedly asked then, his sudden question catching me off guard as I sat down next to him.

"What?-"

"Why did you leave for Maine, Bells?"

"Why are you asking me-..."

His gaze fell again to my middle and I cringed at the way he looked at me then, his face paling when he stood from his seat on the sofa, his movements slow and cautious so he wouldn't wake Clarissa.

"Was escaping this place and chasing your dreams the real reason you left?"

I felt like I couldn't breathe, let alone form a proper response. The way his eyes held mine told me without words that he knew things I had dreaded him knowing, and I scrambled to figure out how that was possible.

"There was that-... and I wanted a life-..."

"Outside of the supernatural, right? That's what you wanted?"

I frantically nodded and felt my panic rise further when his knowing gaze roamed over my face.

"Where is this -..." I hesitantly began, but stopped when he reached down and tentatively slid his fingers through mine.

"Last night, right before you fell asleep, you kept saying that you were sorry, Bells. You said it over and over again."

I looked away from him and turned to head into the kitchen before his hold on my hand halted my steps.

"I was just tired. Exhausted. I was probably dreaming or-..."

"Do you remember anything else you said?"

I stilled there, the color draining from my face as I recalled the fleeting memories I had from last nights hell while he continued on from behind me, his baritone thick and strained with his words.

"...you said 'I should have told you the truth,'..."

It was suffocating to be in this moment with him and try as hard as I may to push my palpable fear down, I couldn't stop the trembling in my body from hearing him say this.

I had said things out loud while I slept that I couldn't take back or explain away anymore.

I let go of his hand and crossed my arms over my middle, the action hauntingly familiar now, as if I could somehow keep this all inside by holding onto myself tight enough.

I loathed that I was back in that place.

Jacobs words were filled with a warmth then that made me remember just why it was that he had always been the person I could run to with anything in times past, but this, this felt impossible to tell him.

"You're not the only one with something they've held onto, Bella. I know you're hurting or that you were and-..."

"We don't have to do this to each other." I cut in, seeing the despair reflected back at me in his gaze now.

"Bells, we do. We really do, honey."

Something in the way he said this made my skin cold with anxiety.

"Okay, so we both have things we need to say."

"Agreed." He whispered.

"I'll go first." I solemnly offered, trying to get the words out before they could choke me up again. "I left for Maine because I didn't have a place here anymore, Jacob. I did... at one time...-but-... but there were things that I couldn't-... things I didn't-..." I stumbled over my words and drew in a shaky breath as he pulled out a chair at the kitchen table and checked on Clarissa, being sure she was still surrounded with pillows and asleep before hunkering down in front of me, the silent pleading I read in his face enough to push me forward. "...my reason for leaving was my own and it had nothing to do with you or the pack or Charlie. I had to go-..."

"Had to or wanted to?" He countered.

"Both... neither... I wasn't meant to be here anymore. I had to accept that and move on."

Jacob drew his chair in closer to mine and took hold of my hands.

"Okay, you went. Now it's my turn."

I sat up straight in my chair and stared back at him as his rich brown eyes filled with emotion.

"You know you can tell me anything, right? No matter what. Even after all this time, you're still that person for me, Jacob. I trust you."

The remorse was plainly written all over his handsome face when he continued on.

"I don't think you left because you wanted to find a different life, Bells. I think you left because something happened that made you believe you couldn't stay here. That you couldn't be part of this life- my life- anymore. That you're only choice was to go."

I blinked and felt the tears fall to match his own when he firmly swallowed.

"H-How do you? How did you-..." I questioned.

"Just like I knew you were hurting last night, even though I hadn't physically seen you in hours...-"

"How...-"

"-because I could sense it-... feel it."

I pushed my chair back from him, my mind racing over where he could be going with this.

Jacob looked as nervous and fearful as I'd ever seen him, his eyes steadily holding mine while he silently waited for me to process what he was saying.

"Is that why you came to my window last night when you did?"

He nodded as I got up and began to pace back and forth in front of him. I tried to stop the room from spinning when the same stabbing pain lashed out at me unexpectedly, it harsh attack brutal enough to make me nauseas and cease the conversation momentarily.

Jacob was next to me before I could grip the counter for support, his hands outstretched but his stance hesitant.

"Bells, are you alright?"

This didn't make any sense.

"Tell me how you know what you think you do." I whispered, my words trembling from my tears. "Please..."

He dropped his hands and looked down to the floor as a shame filled his feautures. A shame I didn't understand but feared to.

I couldn't stand to see him like that and when he started to turn away, I caught his shoulder with my hand and looked into his face and the pain I saw there made me draw myself in closer to him. He stilled when I peered up at him then, his husky whisper filling the empty silence.

"I imprinted on you, honey."

**A/N: Thank you for reading and I apologize for the few spelling errors I missed in the last chapter. Two updates in one day again! :-) What can I say... I love my readers! Please review if you'd like and look for another update tomorrow. **


	31. Chapter 31

**CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE**

**(BPOV)**

Jacob stood in front of me, the silence between us deafening as I stared back at him and tried to absorb what he just said, but it felt like there was a wall blocking his words out.

I slowly shook my head in an attempt to clear it but the dense confusion remained. Nothing he stated could be true. That wasn't possible, right? I had somehow misheard him and I was shaken from it.

His disquieted rich gaze settled on my face, reflecting nothing but sincerity and patience as I struggled to clear the heavy chaos running wild in my head right now.

I had once heard that brokenness could be a work of art, then surely, this was my masterpiece.

I glanced down at his trembling hands still holding to mine and I gripped them tightly in return, as his chest heaved with the effort it took him to remain silent. His mouth opened and closed a few more times like he was about to say something else, but soon thought better of it before the words could escape him.

My heart pounded painfully in my chest and I swore I could even hear it in my ears now.

I peered up into the face of the person who knew me best. Who could read me like an open book whose pages were endless. Of the person who at one time, and what seemed like a lifetime ago now, I had loved more than I knew what to do with. More than my own insecurities, and fears would allow me to give into and more than I felt could even make sense of in the nonsensible world we'd both been thrown in.

He was still that person for me.

In an instant, I was removed from the current and thrown back into the past, where my heartbreak overwhelmed me, as I ran out of the doctors office and cried for minutes on end in my truck after hearing the news she'd broken to me.

I sat there in the parking lot for nearly an hour, trying to work through what it meant, and if somehow the doctor could have been mistaken, but I quickly learned that her diagnosis had been accurate and it tore me apart.

This was a mistake. A huge mistake. He was mistaken. He had to be.

"Bells-... say something, honey." He shakily stated. "Anything... please."

I released his hands and whirled around, unable to even look at him as I let out a breath and looked to Clarissa still asleep on the sofa. I placed a hand over my mouth and swallowed hard against the emotion as I recalled all the many ways I'd tried to dismiss the doctors findings that day. I had scoured the internet and done as much research and digging that could be done in order to gain some knowledge on just what endometriosis was. Hours later and to my horror, everything that doctor had said was only confirmed by the dozens of online articles I had spent most of the night reading then.

Though my back was turned, I could feel Jacobs penetrative gaze on me while I desperately tried to pull myself together before facing him again.

"Wha-What did you say?"

Jacobs whole body was damn near shaking when I turned around and finally spoke, his tremors making it hard for him to stand still while he drew in a few more steadying breaths.

"Bells, I-… Please, let me explain."

"You're wrong. You have to be." I forced out to him in nothing more than a hollowed and tear filled whisper. "You-you have to be mistaken or-..."

"No-"

"Yes." I vehemently countered. "I-I'm not your- Lillian was- she was that person for you. You built a life with her and-..."

He looked back at me with tangible anguish in his darkened gaze, his face falling with his forlorn reply.

"I loved Lillian. I loved her very much but she wasn't-"

"No, stop!" I gasped aloud, holding up a hand and backing away from him, as I tried not to let my emotions run away with me. I shuddered then, as my cheeks began to grow flush with an anger that I hadn't been prepared for.

How could any of this be true? What the hell was he saying? Did he hear himself? Was this some kind of element to his grief?

My head spun all the more and my legs started to feel unsteady, like they were weightless and made of nothing more than jello.

Jacob visibly winced from my words and reaction, his hands briefly flexing at his sides as he stared back at me.

"It's true." He soon ground out when I looked to him wordlessly.

"No, there's no way I'm-... -you don't understand. I could never be that person for you. I know enough about imprinting. About how it works. Billy was very detailed when he explained it and you've got it wrong or-..."

His head snatched up at this, my last words seeming to jolt him forward as he closed the growing distance between us and peered down at me.

"Wait a minute. You went to my dad about imprinting?"

I nodded and saw the narrowing of his gaze as I further explained.

"I went to him to understand it better. To know more about it. That was a long time ago, Jacob."

"Why wouldn't you come to me, Bells?" He replied, the hurt and confusion evident in his tone now.

"There were reasons back then, Jacob. I-..." I humbly admitted, struggling to finish my sentence and looking away from him as my guilt took hold. Any anger I had dissipated then, dying out like a bucket of water being doused over the remaining flames of an evening campfire. The hostility left me as quick as it had come and I staggered back away from him in response, trying to put some distance between us, but the pained looked on his face made my every retreating step more difficult than the last.

"What reasons?" Jacob firmly hedged, his tone swiftly changing from warm to edgy in a flash.

We were both struggling to keep a lid on our reactions here and I made a mental note to be mindful of his proximity given that he was no longer a mere mortal, and could wolf out if provoked enough in the heat of the moment.

"Your dad was kind enough to talk with me. I couldn't come to you with this." I timidly confessed.

He flinched back like I had reached out and physically slapped him and I cringed at the look of rejection now prominently plaguing his features. My guilt was swiftly becoming more than I could stand and I chose to go against my better judgement, as I thought of all he'd been through and all he'd lost lately, and went to him.

His tremors were still there but they lessened in intensity as I drew near, and I marveled at how they soon vanished when my arm grazed his.

"What did Billy tell you, honey?" He asked, his tone softer with me than it had been before.

"Only the questions I asked him. Don't be angry with your dad about this."

"I'm not angry with him. I'm upset that you felt you couldn't come to me instead." He clarified.

"There was no way I could have."

"When did I make you feel like you could no longer confide in me? Please, tell me? When the hell did that happen? Cause if I did, I'm sorry. I never meant to push you away. Not ever. That's the last thing I wanted." He replied in a strained tone.

"You didn't push me away. That's not why. It wasn't like that and it wasn't your fault or anything you did. You just have to trust me when I tell you that you're mistaken here. There's no way that you could've imprinted on me, Jacob." I tried to continue on, but the tears made it damn near impossible for me to speak through them. They were unrelenting and choking. "I'm not her. I can't be."

"Bells, listen to me-..."

"No! Please stop this! I'm begging you! I don't want to do this. I don't want to hear what I know is impossible. You need to talk to Sam and maybe he can help you or- I don't know- clear this up somehow. Call him and we can go over there together to straighten everything out."

My tears fell on endless supply as I hurriedly tried to wipe them away but failed to do so before Jacob caught my hand and met my gaze.

"Bella, there is nothing I need to be explained to me or cleared up. Sam knows. Just like I do!"

"Why are you doing this?!" I cried, my trembling voice laced with skepticism. "I know you've suffered a great loss and that you're grieving and I'm so sorry, but this is insane."

"This has nothing to do with my grief, Bella." He asserted, as I pulled away from him. The room felt as if it was closing in. Like the very walls themselves were trying to crush me in this house. It was suffocating and I felt disoriented from it.

I was dreaming or this was some screwed up nightmare. That had to be it.

"Tell me why you don't believe what I'm telling you. Do you really think I would ever do that to you? That I would callously lie to you about something like this?"

I felt the breath in my lungs become stolen when he moved closer and carefully took my face in his hands, his eyes fixed on my own as I shook my head and tried to deny what he was saying.

"It's not-"

"You are." He countered, the sound of his sincerity in those two words making me go mute while he continued. "Look at me and tell me you think I'm deceiving you or that I'm confused about this. You know that's not true."

"How...-" I breathed.

"When you left for Maine, I wanted that for you. I wanted you to be happy, Bella. Even if it meant it wasn't here with me in Washington anymore."

His voice cracked on the last word and he pulled away from me but I moved forward in response, the brokenness in his deep baritone reaching into the deepest part of me and snuffing out my irrational doubt in an instant. I was so caught up in my own denial and fear that I had neglected to see how his every move had told me that this was his truth and nothing less.

"You were tied here. I knew that." I softly countered, tired of all the lies and secrets and terrifyingly deciding to bare all to him. "...and I knew you wouldn't follow me because you couldn't."

"What-…" Jacob hedged, tucking a warm hand under my chin and gently raising my head to meet his stare. "What do you mean you knew I wouldn't follow you?"

This was gonna hurt like hell and I shook like a leaf as I tried to muster up the courage to tell him the truth after all this time.

"I lied to you, Jacob. I told you I wanted to start over and find myself but that wasn't the truth for why I left and went to Maine."

I motioned for him to sit down with me in the living room, but he looked to immobile, rooted in place right where he stood at this.

After a few minutes, he hesitantly sat down in Charlie's recliner and watched me as I paced a hole in the floor.

"I didn't mean to hurt you. I lied because I knew that if I didn't leave, you would never even try to have something with anyone else and I wanted you to be happy in the same way you wanted me to be happy, Jacob."

"What happened, Bells." He gruffly replied.

"I had some things come up with my health when I was still in high school."

"...in the weeks before your graduation?"

His words made me pause then, my eyes going to his when he solemnly gazed up at me.

"Yes, around that time." I tearfully replied. "Some of my symptoms weren't adding up so I went in to get looked at."

I was falling apart trying to get this out and I hated how weak that made me feel.

Jacobs face was a mirrored reflection of my pain and the sight of him made me realize how undeniably true his words had been before.

He wasn't lying and he wasn't mixed up or mistaken. It just didn't make a damn bit of sense to me. I trudged on anyway.

"You were running extra patrols with Sam and the pack at the time, and I didn't tell you what was going on because I didn't really think it was anything to worry about. The doctor did some tests and an ultrasound and it turned out that it was more serious than I thought."

Jacob's tremors returned as he shifted nervously in the chair, his handsome face paling before me while I wiped the tears on the sleeve of my shirt and continued.

"So, you see, the real reason I think there must be some kind of damn mix up or the wolf spirits have gotten it completely backwards this time around, is because I'm not capable of being your imprint, Jacob. I'm genetically not a good match. I never was. That's why I went to Billy for the information I needed and not you. I mean, that's the whole purpose of it, right? To ensure the future in the pack down the line and I couldn't give that to you... because...-" My last words were pulled from me with a sob I tried to stop but left me anyway. "I have endometriosis and I can't have children, Jacob. That's why I left."

I watched in horror when his tears came to match my own, as they welled up in his dark eyes and spilled over from my words.

He crossed the living room and took me in his arms, his warm embrace stunning me into silence and not at all what I expected from him. He held me tightly to him and let me cry, his solid presence being what I needed most right now, because we both knew that words failed miserably in this moment. There were no meaningless sentiments of sorrow or loss that could ease the hurt and he knew better than anyone just what that felt like. How very raw that could leave someone.

Minutes passed and I clung to him, the emotional release of it all draining my energy like I had just run a damn marathon because that's exactly what it felt like. Jacob noticed the chill that made me shiver and reached for the afghan draped over the back of Charlie's recliner, his red rimmed eyes meeting mine when he wrapped it around my shoulders and led me over to the sofa.

"Come here, honey."

"I'm sorry, Jacob."

He tucked me under his arm and I didn't shy away from his warmth or embrace. There was a comfort in his strong arms that I had never found anywhere else and I didn't want to leave it.

I peered down at Clarissa, reaching over and sweeping her bangs out of her precious face with my fingertips while she dreamed.

"She's perfect, Jacob. I'm so happy that you found Lilly and that you got the love you deserved. I wanted that for you more than anything. It was a big part of why I left all that time ago."

He tightened his arm around me and I placed my head on his chest, listening to the sound of his heartbeat while he spoke.

"Lilly never knew about what I was. I didn't tell her."

I glanced up at him in confusion, his troubled gaze roaming over my face before he looked to Clarissa.

"She never knew. I thought you stopped phasing for her so you could age and grow old with her-"

"No, honey. It's my turn to be honest. To tell you the rest of what I couldn't get out before. I can only hope you won't hate me for it."

I sat up straight, taking the blanket with me as regret filled his gaze.

"Tell me, Jacob. I promise to try to be understanding. I could never hate you. It's not possible."

"You say that now."

"I say that always." I softly argued. "I kept my fair share of secrets from you and I didn't think you'd even want to be near me after what I just told you. I lied for a long time, hid this from you and Charlie. From everyone I could. You would've had every right to be angry with me for it."

"I will never not want to be near you, Bells." He sincerely replied, his warm fingers threading through mine with clear apprehension in his expression.

The momentary silence between us then was louder than anything I'd ever heard and I didn't like the fear still etched in his face.

"Jacob, it's okay. Whatever it is. You can tell me. We have to start somewhere again, right?"

He nodded and reluctantly began.

"I didn't stop phasing for Lilly, Bella. I stopped before then. Before I met her. I stopped because, after you left, Sam found a way to remove the imprints pull and part of that involved me not giving in to the wolf anymore."

"How is that even possible? I thought-..."

"I know, honey. So did we, but Sam and Billy found a loop hole with the help of the council. It took them a long time but they came through for me. In a big way." He admitted, his hand coming up to caress my cheek with the backs of his fingers. "I'm so sorry I didn't tell you the truth a long time ago. I should have. It was wrong of me to assume that I knew what you needed at the time. That you were better off not knowing. That wasn't my place, honey. Please forgive me."

"I do forgive you. It wasn't my place to leave you in the dark like I did. I assumed, too. That was no less wrong of me to do. We're both at fault here." I softly responded, noticing some of the worry leave him.

"Are you still hurting?" He asked then in concern when I held the blanket firmly to my middle. It was more of an impulse reaction now than anything else. I always braced myself for the pain of another sudden flare up after any kind of alarming stress and today had definitely been one of those days that could trigger another one for me.

"No, other than a short bout this morning, I feel okay."

"Can you tell me more about it? Only if you want to? I've only heard of it once before because Rebecca discovered she had it before she moved away and met her husband."

"I never knew that."

"Yeah, I was a lot younger then. I don't remember most of the details on it, but I don't want to push you either. It's okay if you don't want to share that with me right now. I understand."

His care and sincerity eased the tension building in me at the very idea of having to describe some of this to him.

"Well, every case is different. Mine is more severe or at a later stage. It's not terminal or anything but it's hell sometimes. A lot of the time. Some months can be worse than others. There are days I can't get out of bed with it, but it hasn't been that bad again until recently."

Jacobs gaze went glossy at this and I found it hard to go on until he squeezed my hand in reassurance.

"I hate that you've been hurting like this and alone with it, Bells. That kills me for you. I'm sorry, honey. There's no cure? Treatment or meds? Surgery even?"

"No, unfortunately there isn't a cure. Only drugs that cost a fortune and mask the symptoms for a little while. Not a great solution, but better than nothing. Definitely makes you question your damn sanity sometimes." I admitted, as he reached for me again and drew me into his side.

"What do you mean, honey?" He huskily questioned.

"Sometimes, you get dismissed when you go in cause the pain is that bad and they have no real solutions. I've had numerous ER trips and they seem never ending. Callie took me once. I passed out and it was bad. It puts your mind in a dark place."

I felt Jacob tense and rest his chin on top of my head, his words strained and hoarse when he replied.

"So what I saw last night was your normal on some days?"

"Yeah, I guess you could say that." I replied, pondering over how much the pain had subsided when he showed up. I dismissed the ill conceived notion running through my head as ludicrous and basked in the warmth his closeness provided.

"You know, you're probably going to think this is crazy-..."

"Try me." I lightheartedly countered, unable to erase the somewhat bemused expression on my face when I peered up at him through my lashes.

"Alright, there's legends of healing through an imprint, honey. Not many of them but Billy told me of a few of them once. Back when I thought everything of the supernatural was nothing more than a good story by the campfire." He softly stated, his eyes meeting mine with an earnest hope in them that made my tears return.

I was amazed at how clueless he was to the fact that he had just pulled the very line of thinking I had only moments ago from the forefront of my mind without even knowing he'd done so.

Yeah... like an open book. That remained.

"How can you still do that? Read my thoughts so well."

"Why, were you thinking the same thing?"

"I was but I knew that it sounded ridiculous so-"

"There's nothing ridiculous about it. I've been sitting here trying to remember the details of the story myself. I could ask Billy if you want me to? If you're comfortable with that, honey?"

"I wouldn't mind you talking to him about it. That would be okay with me, but I'll warn you not to get your hopes up."

"Too late, Bells." He sighed. "They're already high."

"Jacob, I'm serious. Don't go throwing yourself into this with me, okay?"

"You've dealt with all this alone for too long. Let me carry it with you for a little while, okay? It's alright to lean on me, too."

"I'm the one who needs to be there to support you right now. Not the other way around, remember?" I thoughtfully replied.

"Bells, you being here is enough. It's more than enough." He huskily stated, glancing down at me as the sound of keys jingling in the lock forced our attention to the front door.

**A/N: Thank you for reading. Another update coming VERY soon. **


	32. Chapter 32

**CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO**

**(BPOV)**

Charlie came barging in with four large boxes of pizza in his arms, and nearly dropped them when he caught sight of Jacob and I on the couch together. I pulled away from Jacob in response and felt him reach for me instinctively before looking to Charlie and scooting himself over to the other side of the couch, his hand coming to rest on Clarissa's stirring form, as she slowly began to wake from her long afternoon nap.

My father looked perplexed and somewhat annoyed when he greeted us and headed for the kitchen.

"Bells, I can go if-"

"No, Jacob. Please, don't go. Stay for dinner with us. I'm sure Clarissa needs a bottle. Did you bring one?"

"Yeah, it's in the diaper bag on the kitchen counter. Your dad put it there before he left."

"I'll go make it for her." I replied, as he scooped Clarissa up and placed a kiss to her forhead.

"Thank you, honey."

I placed my blanket over Clarissa and went into the kitchen after Charlie, my steps halted when he pulled me aside the second I was around the corner.

"Bella, what the hell is-..."

"Shhh." I chastened him with a nervous glare. "Clarissa just woke up and she'll startle if you start going off on one of your loud rants about this right now. We can talk later. Thank you for picking up dinner. You should call Billy and see if he'd like a ride overhere to join us. It's the polite thing to do and I've missed his company today."

I dug through the small diaper bag Charlie handed over and quickly held out the ancient landline to him, earning myself another grumble and a huff before he dialed the number he knew better than his own some days.

"We are going to have a talk about this later." He sourly informed me before plastering on a forced smile when Jacob wandered into the kitchen with sweet Clarissa.

I warmed her a bottle while he changed her and she eagerly reached out for me when I handed the bottle to him.

"I tested it to be sure it's not too hot for her. Here you go."

Jacob took it with half a smile and fed her while Charlie grabbed his keys and headed out again to pick up Billy for dinner.

"I'll be right back. I'm getting your old man. Save him some pizza. I know your appetite, son." Charlie chuckled, seeming to unthaw a bit at the sight of Clarissa happily enjoying her bottle. Charlie was a softy deep down he just rarely ever showed it.

When the house door closed, I looked over to Jacob apologetically and he didn't seem bothered by Charlie's stern look from before.

"He's just worried that I- well... that we'll... I mean, it's not like that I know. I would never-"

"It's alright, Bells. You don't have to explain. I get it and I love your dad for his concern. He's a good man."

"So are you." I sincerely added.

Jacob kept Clarissa balanced in one arm as she gripped her bottle tightly with her tiny hands and reached for me.

"Are we okay? After everything today? I know there's a lot to talk about still and we will. I promise, but I don't want to leave here later without knowing for sure that we're okay, honey."

"We're okay, Jacob." I assured him. "We got off track a long time ago and I don't want to go back to that. I want us to start new. No more secrets and no more half truths or lies. You're my best friend. I don't want that to ever change."

"Me neither, honey." He replied, drawing me in close to his side again as we watched Clarissa finish her bottle.

"You're a good, dad. She's lucky to have you, Jacob. I hope you know that?"

"I'd be lying if I told you that I wasn't scared shitless about doing this alone." He humbly admitted.

"You're doing great and you're not alone. You have a whole pack behind you." I offered to him in support, leaving his side to set the table for dinner.

"How long is your leave?" Jacob asked.

I stilled at this, catching the dread in his tone and turning to see his pleading gaze roam over me from across the room.

"Nine days left."

Jacob nodded and adjusted Clarissa in his arms as he looked out the window to see Charlie's police cruiser pulling back in the yard.

"I'll ask Billy tonight after we leave. See what I can get out of him for some info."

"Okay, are you leaving right after dinner?"

"I'm in no hurry." He softly countered. "I think Clarissa likes it here. She sure took to you fast."

I smiled warmly at him and paused when Charlie wheeled Billy in through the front door, his welcoming gaze settling over Jacob and I with a classic Billy smirk in place.

"There's my boy." Billy beamed up at Jacob, as he leaned down and hugged his father tight. "Let me see my grandbaby. How is she doing today?"

"She just woke up from a nap. A long one." Jacob replied.

Billy held Clarissa with a wide smile and she giggled at him, the sound making us all laugh in return.

When dinner was through, Charlie grabbed the six pack of beer from the fridge and handed one to Billy, their banter making me chuckle as they fought over who was going to win the local hockey game on TV.

"Did you get enough to eat? I noticed you stopped at four slices? Unusual for you." I asked Jacob when he pushed his plate away.

"I'm still full from the breakfast buffet you served me earlier." He sighed, patting his stomach.

"Well at least you're not leaving hungry."

Billy overheard my comment to Jacob and soon added in his two cents.

"He never leaves this place hungry or anywhere else for that matter."

Charlie tapped his open bottle of beer against Billy's and they both chuckled at this.

After watching the rest of the hockey game that had gone well into the evening, I checked my phone for the first time all day and noticed that Callie had left me a voicemail earlier. I played it and saw Jacobs head turn my way when it started, his keen wolf hearing undoubtedly picking up on most of what she'd said.

"Hey Bella, it's me. Just checking in on you. I'm finally scheduled for my first physical therapy appointment in the morning. Bright and early. I'm in high hopes to be back on the job before too long. Hate being stuck in a chair or on crutches all day. Everyone misses you around here. Feels odd not seeing our favorite nurse wandering the halls at dawn. Anyway, I hope you're having a great time back in Washington. Please tell Jake and his little girl we send our best and we look forward to seeing you back next week. This place isn't the same without you. Oh yeah, before I go, Roman wanted me to relay a message for your friend. He says he has a place for him in the training program next month if he's interested. Maybe he could take a trip back our way? See you soon friend. We love you. Bye."

I ended her message and placed the phone in my lap as a warm hand came to rest on my knee.

"Callie sends her best. She's recovering."

"That's great to hear." Jacob offered up in reply, watching Charlie and Billy playing peek-a-boo with Clarissa. Her face lit up and she giggled in response to them. It was precious to see.

"She loves that." Jacob chuckled, his grin making me smile back at him.

I lost track of the time and soon found it hard to stay awake as the hockey game was swiftly replaced with an outdoor hunting show.

"Can you believe how easy they make that look. I've gone deer hunting dozens of times and only ever shot one buck! I'd like to know what bait their using out there." Charlie casually grumbled, polishing off his third beer and handing Clarissa back to Jacob. She was fast asleep for the night in mere minutes, her face nestled into his neck and her long lashes casting shadows onto her round cheeks. I watched the show until I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer.

"What do you say we get going on home now, son? You could stay over at the house if you'd like? Always up for some company."

Jacob nodded and started to get up as I looked Charlie's way, his stern look of disapproval from before now gone and replaced with a tender hearted expression I rarely saw from him.

"You know, Billy. It's uh- pretty damn late. Roads tend to ice up after ten and it's nearly midnight. Wouldn't want any of us out there this late so, why don't we all call it a night and camp out here for the rest of the evening? I still have that spare air mattress upstairs. I'll go get it."

"Well, that's alright by me, old friend. Jacob, would you mind staying over?"

"No." He replied to him as I got up and helped Charlie fetch a few more blankets from the hall closet.

"It's settled then. This will be fun. Just like old times, huh? When you two were teenagers. Time sure does fly." Billy reminisced.

Charlie set them up comfortably in the living room and Jacob was already half asleep by the time we turned out all the lights.

"Night, kiddo. Lock the house when you come upstairs. I'll see you in the morning."

"Good night, dad. Love you."

"I love you, too."

I checked the locks on the door and draped an extra blanket over Jacob and Clarissa, before heading up to bed, my eyes beyond heavy from the days events.

My mind raced as the quiet of the night filled the house and I laid in bed listening to the wind whip harshly around the eaves.

It was only a few hours later when the sound of rustling from downstairs startled me awake, my eyes going to the clock as I reached for the lamp and switched it on. I crept down the stairs, trying not to trip as I entered the living room. Billy was fast asleep and snoring away but Jacob was awake. I could hardly see through the darkness as I approached him, my eyes struggling to adjust when a warm hand shot out and grasped mine.

"Bells."

His voice was broken and his hand trembling when it held mine.

"I'm right here, Jacob." I replied, finding the place next to him and gasping when he raised his head.

The moonlights glow touched his face then, his eyes red rimmed from his tears. I placed my palm against his cheek and he leaned into it with a quavering breath, the agony that flowed from him palpable while he struggled to keep his tears silent. He shook violently, but not from the tremors I'd seen take hold of him countless times before, no, this was an emotionally raw kind of shaking. The kind I knew well because I had been there myself, and I'd seen it before in the grief I witnessed at the hospital when we couldn't save someone. I checked on Clarissa beside him, his one hand still protectively placed over her rising and falling chest while she slept. I quickly arranged the pillows as they had been before, securing her there next to us before I took hold of him. I pulled him to me, wrapping us both in the oversized duvet and holding him close.

His words to me from early this morning had never felt more true than they did right now. Maybe we were meant to be there for each other.

**A/N: Thanks for reading and please review if you'd like. Another two chapter update today! :-)I have loved hearing from all of you. I hope you enjoyed this latest one!**


	33. Chapter 33

**CHAPTER THIRTY**

**(JPOV)**

I woke up before the dawn and felt the soft touch of Bella's fingertips running through my hair. My head was in her lap and I startled when Clarissa let out a cry from above me.

"Shh, it's alright, Jake. I have her. She's right here."

I sat up and saw her there on Bella's chest, her cry softening when she picked her up and offered her to me. I held her close and felt my throat tighten when Charlie and Billy came into the living room, their knowing gazes going to Bella while she hurried off to the kitchen to warm a bottle.

"Sleep okay, son?" Billy asked, holding out a cup of coffee with a worried look my way.

"Slept fine, dad." I lied in return.

Charlie did little to hide his concerned gaze as he peered down at me.

"Sure that sofa wasn't too rough on ya'?"

"No, it was alright."

Bella came back with a warmed bottle in hand and offered it to me. I held her gaze and tried to keep my hand steady, as a wave of heat licked hastily up my spine and made me shudder.

"Dad, can you go into town and get us some donuts and quiche from the bakery that just opened? I've heard nothing but good things about it." Bells asked, her understanding gaze lingering there on mine before she turned to Charlie with her request.

"All the way back in town? This early? It's barely seven, kid." Charlie grumbled, clearly not thrilled with the idea of trudging out into the frigid cold this early in the day for breakfast.

"Please?" Bella pushed with a soft sigh to him. "I have missed the quiche I used to get from the hospital cafeteria at work back home. It would be well worth the trip."

"Easy for you to say. You're not the one bundling up and going out after it this early. Who the hell eats quiche, anyway? Don't tell me you're gonna jump on the heart healthy bandwagon around here, too. I'll stick to my bacon and eggs. Suits me just fine. No reason to change anything now." Charlie huffed with a shake of his head in frustration to her, but it was easy to see his resolve was slipping when she hugged him.

"Thanks, dad. I love you."

I watched as Billy observed their interaction and winked my way. He knew what she was doing and I nodded to him in response. Bella was still good at diversions when needed.

"Come on, old fella'. Kids don't ever stop needing their dads. No matter how old. The trip into town isn't that far. We'll be back before you know it." Billy added, grabbing his coat and tossing Charlie his keys to the cruiser from the coffee table.

"You're unbelievable, but yeah okay, we'll go."

Charlie warmed the car and I started to feed Clarissa, her innocent eyes matching my own and peering up at me while she gripped the bottle tightly in her tiny hands.

"Here, take some money from me and-..."

"No, put that away, dear. Breakfast is on me this morning." Billy hedged, taking hold of Bella's hand while she helped him bundle up for the outdoors. She soon paused by the door and lightly wrapped a scarf of Charlie's around his neck to further ward off the chill before they left.

"Thank you, Billy. Stay warm out there." Bella offered, placing a kiss to his cheek as Charlie wheeled him outside and closed the house door.

She turned back my way, her face filling with worry when she saw me try to stand with Clarissa, my tremors hitting me hard and making me unsteady.

"Bells, I- … Can you-..."

Bella rushed forward before I could get the words out, taking Clarissa into her arms and reaching for me, her hand catching mine with her soft reply.

"Go. It's okay. I promise to stay here with her. She'll be alright, Jake."

I tore out of the house without pausing long enough to look back and sprinted straight for the forest, the heat rolling over me like a fiery furnace as I stripped out of the confines of my clothes till nothing remained.

I phased on the fly, my paws harshly digging into the snow as the others phased in.

_"It's good to have you back, man." Seth offered up in thought first._

_"Yeah, I second that. Must feel good to be back on four legs instead of just two. There's nothing like the speed_._"_ Paul hedged next.

_"Sam's waiting for you at his house. Says he needs to have a word with you. We just came from there. Emily has breakfast on."_ Embry huffed out.

I ignored some of the commentary for now and headed for Sams, my thoughts nothing but a blank page to them in return. I couldn't let my guard slip. There was too much chaos going on in my head right now and some of it wasn't mine to share. Bella had trusted me with her pain and I wouldn't betray that trust with her for anything. She'd been through enough without the added headache of having the entire pack knowing her personal business.

I made it back to La'push in record time, my speed driven by my hurry to get back on two legs and keep the pack out of my head.

Sam was waiting for me on his front porch when I emerged from the tree line, my huff to him loud as he tossed a pair of cut offs toward me and went back inside. I phased back and pulled them on, my steps fast as I ran into the house after him.

He stood at the counter and I paused then when Emily approached me, her outstretched arms causing me to halt my question to him.

"Jacob it's so good to see you. Do you want something to eat?"

I hugged her tight and kindly turned down her offer.

"No, thank you, Em. I'm just here on pack business. I may take you up on that later though."

Emily smiled at me and swiftly excused herself to the back bedroom, using the age old excuse that she had mounds of laundry to put away so Sam and I could speak freely.

Sam kissed her before she got far, the affectionate and lingering embrace the two of them shared, making a knot form in my stomach as I looked away.

When she was out of sight, Sam turned back on his heel and faced me, his eyes narrowed in thoughtful concern when he placed a firm hand on my shoulder.

"Are you alright?"

"No-" I truthfully replied, shrugging out of his hold and beginning to pace there in front of him. "The others let me know you needed to speak with me?"

"Yeah, I do, but why do I get the feeling you were already on your way here about something else?"

I drew in a breath and met his inquisitive stare, my mind now free to fill with the things Bella had said and the memory of it all made me visibly wince. Sam gestured for me to sit down with him at the table but I had too much nervous energy to comply.

"I was-..." I soon admitted.

"What's going on, Jake?"

His question was pointed but I couldn't shake the feeling that he knew what I was going to say before I even said it and it unnerved me.

"Did you leave anything out about the imprint being temporarily removed years ago? I need you to be straight with me. I mean it, Sam."

He flinched from my hostile tone and pushed his coffee mug away with an exasperated sigh.

"That was a long time ago, Jake. I don't remember all of the details we went through. It took your father and I weeks to uncover what we did with the elders and the council."

"You've got one of the sharpest minds I know, Sam. So don't bullshit me. I know you better than that." I testily countered and took a step his way, my body damn near shaking with the anger that was boiling to the surface faster than I could control it.

"Man, I know you're on edge given everything you've been through but-"

"Damn it! Stop it!" I half shouted.

Sam immediately got to his feet and raised his hands with a nod toward the back half of his house where Emily was.

"Settle down." He huffed, his tone laced with the authority I couldn't deny or refuse. "When is the last time you slept?"

"I slept last night. At Charlies. I'm fully rested. Are you gonna give me the answers I need or am I gonna have to go around you, Sam?"

He went mute at this and I shook my head as I whirled around and headed for his door. I reached the porch before his hand tightly caught hold of my arm in protest.

"Hey! Wait a damn minute. I'll talk. Just not here. I don't want Emily involved. Follow me."

He headed for the trail behind his house, both of us still on two legs as we went. When he felt there was enough distance between the house and ourselves, he stilled and leaned his back up against one of the large trees that surrounded us.

"What have you not told me?"

"When Billy found out the imprint could be altered, he did some further digging on his own. For reasons much like yours right now. He had a feeling in his gut that there was more to it than the elders had chosen not to be forthcoming about. I trust your dad and listened to his wisdom before going any further with it. There were unknown complications from it. Things that could effect both you and Bella."

I swallowed hard and held his gaze as he continued, my insides beginning to crawl with a familiar dread when he looked my way again.

"Your dad was nothing but thorough with his research and findings. You know that about him. He did it out of concern for your welfare and for hers. After he spent many more days doing all the hunting he could, he found that while the temporary removal of the imprint was something that could be accomplished, the action alone had the possibility to be more harmful for Bella than it did for you. Unlike you, she wouldn't have the covering of the spirits. They have a further reach than most think and legends have it that their power can alter things, ward off ailments and even heal in some cases. Bella isn't one of us genetically speaking. She doesn't carry that gene or have the same DNA we do. As you already know, the denial of an imprint can prove to be excruciatingly painful and sometimes fatal, but because it was altered between the two of you, that pain didn't stay with you, Jake. It was removed."

"... or replaced." I hoarsely countered, my throat threatening to close as I stood there staring at him in disbelief.

Sam paused his thought and shook his head in confusion.

"Replaced?" He hesitantly countered.

"Yeah, removed from me and placed in her."

His face went pale and he took a few steps my way as he tried to process what I was saying. What I knew in my gut to be true without needed confirmation from him or anyone else.

"Billy hated the very idea of putting her through any kind of pain. That's why he did the research before anything was initiated-"

"Well, he missed something or the council did." I choked out, my head filling with the heartbreaking sobs that tore through Bella a few nights ago in her room.

"What's really going on?"

I half turned away from him, my mouth refusing to open for the sense of betrayal to her if I did, but I had to say something because I was determined to get to the bottom of it.

"You gotta swear to me that you won't breathe a word of it to anyone, Sam. I'm trusting you with this."

"You have my word, Jake. You know it's solid."

"I won't tell you the details cause it's not my place, it's not mine to share, but she's been hurting since before she left for Maine and I know it's from me. From denying the imprint in the first place. That's crazy, right? I'm internalizing this? I need you to be my voice of reason right now. Tell me that's not fucking possible. Tell me I didn't do that to her, Sam."

His face fell at this and he looked back at me wordlessly, but his momentary silence was the loudest thing I'd ever heard.

"I know you don't want to go into the details, but I need more info than that to give you a good answer here." Sam timidly replied.

"She's been in physical pain for years, Sam. I've seen it myself and I don't believe that it's what she believes it to be. It's bad and it's real and it's taken things from her-"

Sams eyes went wide and I had to turn away from him at the sight of his ashen expression.

"I'd be lying if I told you that there wasn't a real chance that her pain, whatever it is, was caused by the choice we made years ago."

"I made-..." I harshly corrected, letting my fist fly into the nearby tree and pulling back with blood dripping from my hand. "The choice I made for her. I didn't fucking know. I would have never-..."

"I know, bro. Let's not get ahead of ourselves with this till we have all the facts here. We'd have to consult with Billy first."

"Believe me, I intend to." I harshly stated to him in return.

"Don't blame your dad. He was sick with worry over this for a long time."

"Sam, I moved on. Met Lilly and had a family with her, all the while, Bella is states away from me dealing with something I physically caused her from a choice I made on my own. A choice I didn't include her in."

I was sick to my stomach as I imagined how alone that must have made her feel.

"You can't put that blame on yourself-..."

"That's where it belongs."

"You gotta keep your head about you. This could be something else entirely."

I turned to him and raised my head so we were eye level, my words strained with my angered reply.

"You were the one who instilled in us from the very beginning to always trust what we knew. To never second guess our own gut instinct, right?"

"Yeah, I did." He humbly countered.

"Well, right now, mine is screaming at me that I gave this to her. That what we did to break the imprints hold took the pain from me and gave it to her all this time. It's nearly broken her, Sam. I can see it in her face when she talks about it and that fucking kills me. So, please, go to the council and find out what I can do to fix this before she goes back to Maine. I need that from you and I need it for her."

"You got it, Jake. I'll go." Sam sincerely obliged.

I left him there in the woods and phased back to wolf form as I ran with renewed speed back to Forks. With any luck, Billy would be back with Charlie by now and I could take him home to get the answers I needed.

**A/N: Thanks for reading and for all your great reviews :-) New chapter tomorrow! Till then!**


	34. Chapter 34

**CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR**

**(JPOV)**

I stilled my run when I came within a few hundred feet of Charlie's back yard, keeping my thoughts guarded until the pack mind was no longer a concern and I was in human form. My wolf gaze scanned over my surroundings and I waited there until I saw Charlie return with Billy in tow. The two of them were in good spirits as they headed back into the house with bags from the bakery in their hands.

I phased back and hurriedly picked up my discarded clothing that still laid abandoned in the snow, my hesitancy coming from the sound of Bella's happy tone just inside.

"Good, you're back! I was wondering what was taking you two so long. I'm starving! Let me see that quiche." She lightheartedly chuckled to them, her heart beating wildly within her chest and the sound of it alone enough to draw me forward without thought. It was like a current that would pull you wherever it damn well pleased and right now, I didn't have it in me to fight against it's hold. Truthfully, I didn't even know if I wanted to. Having her here was a comfort for me I couldn't put words to.

"Where's Jacob?" Charlie asked, as I pulled down my t-shirt and regretfully looked toward the house.

"He went for a walk a little while ago. Should be back soon." Bella smoothly covered.

I jogged up over the steps and reached for the door when it suddenly opened and her doe eyes met mine.

"Sorry about before." I began, noticing the plate she held out to me in return.

She didn't say anything, instead she hugged me and I stilled there in her embrace, the plate of food all but forgotten when she didn't let go.

Charlie came to the door all too soon and I couldn't ignore his concerned look when I raised my head and saw him standing idly there in the doorway behind us, his sigh of frustration loud enough for Bella to hear and release me.

"Come inside and have some breakfast with us?" Bella asked, tucking a lock of her mahogany hair behind her ear with a glaring look to Charlie. He merely grumbled something I couldn't make out and stormed off into the kitchen ahead of us. I glanced to Billy and he stopped eating from the torment I knew he could see plainly written on my face.

He put down his half eaten blueberry muffin and pushed his second cup of coffee aside, as Bella sat down next to him with a sincere smile, gesturing for Charlie and I to join them.

Clarissa beamed up at Charlie when Bella handed her to him, her arms eagerly stretching to take hold of his car keys.

"That used to be your favorite thing to play with, too. I remember those days like they were just yesterday. Renee would buy you all the toys in the world and you'd always want my keys instead. It was hilarious and almost drove your mom half crazy." Charlie bemused, taking a bite of his third chocolate glazed donut as he handed the keys over to Clarissa. She shook them with excitement and looked to Bella with a giggle. Bella pushed away her plate and bent down so their faces were mere inches apart as she nestled her nose against hers with a returning laugh. The sound of it broke something open inside me and I couldn't take my eyes from them. She placed a kiss to her cheek and rattled the keys again, sending Clarissa into another fit of laughter that made us all chuckle. She was the light in a really dark place for me right now.

"Look at that smile." Billy sighed. "You have your grandpa Billy wrapped around your little finger. Do you know that?"

Bella smiled at the two of them and held out the plate of quiche to me.

"There's plenty more here, Jake. Take all you want. I've had my fill."

I saw the beautiful rose color in her cheeks return then and I found it hard to form a response to her simple offer. She looked so much better than she did just a day ago and I silently wondered if our closeness had anything to do with it.

I took the plate from her as she poured Billy another cup of coffee and played with Clarissa, the two of them lost in their own little world at the table while Charlie started up another conversation.

"I have some things to do in town today and I was thinking I'd take Bella ice fishing this Sunday. You two feel up for joining us on the adventure? Haven't been all season. Sure would be nice to have you come with us."

Billy glanced my way with a half a grin in place and I noticed the hope there in his gaze when it met mine.

"Sounds good." I hesitantly replied, finishing the last few bites of the quiche as Bella cleared the table.

"Great! We'll be over to pick you two up long before dawn. Want to get out there bright and early." Charlie huffed.

"You better have a big thermos of hot coffee with you for that. I barely function before seven you know!" Billy chuckled.

"Oh, trust me. There will be coffee. Lots of it." Bella added in from the sink, her hands now busy with cleanup from breakfast.

I took my plate over to her and saw her smile at me and it wasn't a forced kind of smile I'd seen her put on dozens of times before. This was her genuine smile. The kind that reached her doe eyes and made me forget what the hell I was even doing or where we were.

Damn, had I missed that smile. There was something about the way it lit up her whole face.

"What are your plans for today?" She softly questioned, her hands covered in suds while she continued to scrub the dishes.

"I need to take Billy home. We have some things to take care of and I have the rest of Lillians things to pack up and donate."

Bella stopped at this, letting the dish in her hands fall back into the sink when she turned her head my way.

"I-... I-I'm sorry. I didn't know you were-"

"It's alright, Bells. Something I have to get done. Lilly would have wanted her things to go to those in need. It was who she was. Always giving and never taking. I wanna be sure to honor her wishes that way. The best way I still can."

"Do you need someone to watch Clarissa?" She kindly offered then, her face losing some of it's beautiful color from before.

"No, that's okay. Thank you though. I really appreciate that. I'll take her with me."

Bella nodded and dried her hands as Billy wheeled himself over to us.

"Time to get back home, son?"

"Yeah, it is. I have a lot to do today. We should get headed back to the Res."

Charlie was nice enough to let me leave the rabbit parked in his driveway and give us a ride back home and I thanked him twice over when he dropped us off.

"I appreciate all you've done. Thank you, Charlie." I sighed to him, wheeling dad toward the front door, his reply stopping me before I reached his wheelchair ramp.

"Hey, Jake, hold on a second. Can we talk? For a minute? It won't take long, son?"

Billy gave us a nod and I handed Clarissa over to him while he wheeled himself the rest of the way into the house, his silence letting me know that he already had a clue what this talk with Charlie was gonna be about.

I squared my shoulders and stood in front of him as he shut the cruisers door and met my inquisitive stare.

"I think I know what you're about to say and-..." I tensely hedged.

"No, I don't think you do and the last thing I want is for you to ever feel unwelcome at my house. You're like a son to me, Jake. I just worry. You're grieving and I know you and Bella have a complicated history."

I looked away from him, unable to hold his gaze with my reply.

"Don't worry, Charlie. You've never made me feel anything but welcome at your home and I'm thankful for all you and Bella have done. You don't know what it means to me that you've been here like you have."

"You're family to us. Always have been. Always will be."

"Likewise." I sincerely replied.

"I just know that with things being messy from before and-..." He continued to vent, placing a hand on my shoulder.

"It's alright, really. I know you're coming from a good place and I respect you for it, but your worry is unfounded. There's no mess. Bella and I aren't teenagers anymore. She has her life back in Maine that's waiting for her when she returns to it next week."

Charlie shook his head then, dropping his hand from my shoulder and running it over his face as he leaned against the cruisers hood.

"Yeah, about that. I may have read a few of her texts from Callie this morning. She was dishing out breakfast and I saw a message come through on her cell. Something about not going back to Maine. I wasn't snooping. Anyway, listen, just be careful right now. You know I'm here for you if you need anything. See you tomorrow, son."

I cleared my throat and couldn't form a response as he waved to Billy from the window and left with those unfinished parting words. I tried to refocus, but it was hard to do after hearing this from him.

She wasn't going back?

I shook my head and headed inside, mindful to keep my voice as low and as even as I could so not to startle Clarissa, but I as barely able to do it.

Billy held her in his arms while she drifted off to sleep and when I was sure she was comfortable in the carrier on the floor in the living room, I turned and met my fathers guilt ridden gaze.

"You know what I'm going to say, don't you?" I hedged, my tone biting but better controlled than I had anticipated it to be.

"I do and I'm ready for it." He replied.

"Ready for it?"

"I've known this was coming, son. From the moment I found out what hospital you were at after that accident. So, ask me. I'll answer any damn question you have and then some. You have my word."

"Did Sam call you?"

"He left me a message." Billy replied. "But I know there's far more he left out."

I hunkered down in the empty chair beside him and placed my head in my hands as I tried to collect my thoughts and cool my temper before speaking again.

"Did you know? Do you know? Tell me you didn't keep this shit from me all this time for my own good?!"

Billy turned his chair my way and drew in a shaky breath with his response then and it made my heat thread up my spine.

"The loophole we found with the elders and the council was a risky one but it worked."

"At the cost of Bella's health!?" I nearly yelled, looking to Clarissa and reigning my temper in the best I could. "What the hell were you thinking not to tell me!?"

"Jake, there were risks. Some of them we knew about and others we didn't, but the pros outweighed the cons! You know how much I love and care for that girl! I would never-"

"...but you did!" I snapped, pushing up out of my chair and glaring down at him as he desperately tried to explain his actions back then.

"She was leaving! She wasn't coming back and we had to find a way to protect you from that pain when she went!"

"Protect me! Do you have any idea what she's been dealing with? Huh? Cause I've seen it!"

"We knew there was a chance that the process of the separation from the imprint could be worse for her than for yourself! Why do you think I've kept close tabs on her all this time! I've always asked how she is! Every time I see the chief! I didn't know she was hurting, Jake!"

I turned my back on him, my jaw flexing as I bit down on my tongue hard enough to taste the rustic tinge that pooled in my mouth from the force.

"She's been through hell, dad. She's lost things-"

Billy reached for my arm and I flinched away from him in anger.

"What kinds of things!? Damn it, Jake! Talk to me! Maybe I can help fix this!"

"If you want to fix this, then go to the elders and convince them to reverse it or-"

"You can't reverse it! When she goes back to Maine-..." Billy angrily hedged.

"I don't care! Do you hear me? I don't care what it will do to me, dad. That doesn't matter. She matters! Her happiness matters! Do whatever it is you have to do to make this right. I mean it! Whatever it fucking takes."

I walked away from him then, not stopping as he called out after me. My blood was boiling and if I didn't get the hell out of that house, I knew I would live to regret it.

"Jacob!"

"I'll be back. Stay here with Clarissa!"

I sprinted for the forest and phased the second I reached the tree line.

**A/N: Thank you for reading. Please leave a review! ;-) There will be TWO updates posted tomorrow, who knows, maybe even THREE! Till then!**


	35. Chapter 35

**CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE**

**(BPOV)**

After Jacob and Billy left for home, I spent the better part of the morning cleaning the house for Charlie, something I often still did obsessively whenever I was overwhelmed with my thoughts. Charlie didn't seem to mind and even offered to help me with the chores at one point, but I kindly steered him toward his recliner with a beer and a plate of nachos instead. Don't get me wrong, my father was great at a lot of things, but cleaning definitely wasn't one of them and it gave me less to keep my hands busy with had he helped.

"You know, I'm not a damn invalid, Bella. You could give me a little more credit. I can at least dust or something. I've been known to be a real cleaning machine back in my day. Just ask your mom the next time she calls." Charlie huffed, stretching out in his comfy chair and reclining as the new show on the flat screen came into view.

"What? You really want me to ask mom about your cleaning skills. Sure that's a good idea? Sorry dad, but I've never seen you so much as pick up a mop or a broom in your day." I cautiously teased him in return, noting the eyeroll he gave me before focusing on the man who was explaining how to properly clean a rifle. Within seconds, Charlie was engrossed and had forgotten all about my statement.

"Oh for shits sake. What the hell does he think he's doing!? He's doing it all ass backwards. Doesn't he know that? I tell ya' Kid. Your generation really worries me sometimes."

I merely shook my head at this and reached for my trusty dusty rag, along with my Mrs. Meyers cleaner, and swiftly headed upstairs to finish tidying up the place.

I had already washed the entire kitchen floor on my hands and knees, scrubbing the tile till it shined like new and reorganizing Charlie's cluttered and outdated pantry. This had been a job all on it's own and the day was nearly half way through.

My cell phone suddenly rang as I wiped down the dusty pictures that lined Charlie's upstairs hallway, some of them nearly two decades old now. Callie's number flashed on the screen in front of me as I bit down on my bottom lip and debated on whether or not to silence her call and return it later. I already knew why she was reaching out and what it concerned.

"Callie?" I hesitantly answered, tossing my supplies to the floor and hunkering down on the stairwell to talk with her.

"I'm so relieved you picked up. I just read your text message. What do you mean you're not sure about coming back once your extended leave is over? What's really going on in Washington, Bella?"

Her tone was full of anxiety and dread while I sighed there and pondered over how much I had truly loved being back home for the past few days. I didn't want that to end so soon.

"I'd be lying to you if I said it wasn't something I was seriously considering, Callie. I could transfer to Forks. My credentials stand for it and the pay may even be better out this way. I don't know." I sighed to her.

"Come on, Bella. Be real with me. You've always been honest. Is this about being home again or about Jake? Are you two-..."

"Callie, stop. That's almost insulting. He's at his house on the reservation right now packing up Lillians things to donate. Please, don't be insensitive about it. He's hurting. A lot." I defended.

"I wasn't trying to be rude or insensitive. I'm sorry, but you love your job here. You've laid roots here. Your job has always been so important to you."

"Well, maybe that was my first mistake. Making my work the only real priority in my life for as long as I have."

Callie went silent on the other end of the line then and I cussed under my breath for my rash and brazen admission to her.

"You think coming to Maine was a mistake?" She softly hedged in reply.

"No, that's not what I meant to say, Callie. I love all of you and my job at Pen Bay, but being back here has been almost bittersweet for me cause I know I'm leaving next week. I don't want to go and I don't know what that means for me."

"Bella, you know we all love you here and we want you back, but ultimately you have to be the one to decide if you want to pursue that kind of change in your life right now. It's a big decision to make. You know that. Take all the time you need while you're still there to think it over and don't hesitate to reach out if you ever wanna talk. We're always around."

"Thanks, Callie. I love you. Tell Tina and everyone at Pen Bay I say hello."

"Sure thing, Bella. Love you too. Bye"

I ended the conversation with her and shoved the phone back in my pocket just as it vibrated with an incoming call from Jake, his photo flashing as the cell rang in my hand.

"Hey, Jake."

He didn't respond right away and I struggled to hear him, his voice tight with the same kind of grief I'd heard in it the night before.

"Are you busy?" He asked, and I was already down over the stairs before he could finish. "Can you come over?"

"No, I'm not busy. I'll be there soon. See you in a little while." I replied, hearing him disconnect the call, as I grabbed my coat by the front door and slipped into it.

"Where are you headed in such a hurry?" Charlie asked from the living room.

"Jake called. He needs me. I'll be back sometime before dinner. There's home made chicken noodle soup and dumplings on the stove. Needs another thirty minutes before you can fix yourself a bowl. Don't wait for me. I'll have some later." I called out to him before leaving the house and heading to La'Push.

When I turned onto the reservation, I slowed my speed and pulled into Jacobs drive, my eyes stinging at the sight of the small house in front of me. The familiar sense of intrusion made it hard for me to pull the keys from the ignition and get out.

This was the home he had shared with her. I didn't belong here and that feeling was difficult to simply ignore.

There were several sealed totes stacked outside the door and I swallowed hard when Jacob stepped out, and added another large one to the ever growing pile of them. His steps seemed to stagger a bit and though I knew the tote wasn't too heavy for him, the weight he carried it with looked as if it were made of solid stone. He placed it down and leaned over it, his whole body locked in place there while he gripped the flimsy plastic handles I suspected would break any moment from the force of his hold on them.

I opened my door and stepped out, my eyes meeting his from across the drive as I timidly started his way. He slowly stepped back from the totes, his stance unsteady while he stood there looking down at all her things he'd packed away this morning.

I drew closer to him and voiced the only offer that came to mind then.

"Do you want me to help you carry them?"

Jacob only nodded in response and I reached for the first tote, my arms hauling it up as I carried it out to the car.

His broken voice soon stopped me short.

"Bells, will you take these into town with me to donate them? Clarissa's already bundled for the trip in. Shouldn't take us long."

"Of course I can." I replied, opening the trunk and placing the stuffed tote there as he began to load up all the others.

The short drive back to town was filled with a grieving silence I hadn't heard from him since Lillians funeral and when we crossed the town line of Forks, I reached over for his hand and held it tight in mine.

The man who greeted us outside the donation drop off wore a wide and grateful smile when Jacob unloaded the trunk and handed over all of Lillians things to him. He did well to keep himself together until we stopped at the light up the street. His hand released mine with a quavering breath then, his silent tears rolling down his cheeks while I drove him and Clarissa back home.

"Do you want me to call, Billy? He could come over and stay with you for a while tonight?"

"No-" Jacob harshly interjected. "I need some space from him right now."

His words made me pause as I glanced his way in confusion.

"What do you mean? Did something happen between the two of you?"

Jacobs face went pale when I asked this and he struggled to meet my gaze, his tremors starting when we pulled up outside his house again. The second I put the car in park, he bolted from the passenger side, his cuss of frustration loud when it left him.

"Fuck."

I peered back at Clarissa and tucked the blanket over her car seat further in around her before getting out and following after him.

"Jake, hey- talk to me. What's going on with you and Billy? You need his support right now. I'm sure whatever misunderstanding you had can be easily fixed or forgotten."

He shook his head when he peered back at me.

"No, it's not like that. I'm so angry with him. With myself."

I watched as he looked toward the forest, his body still shaking with the heated tremors that were trying to force him to run.

"If you need to go I can stay here with Clarissa. I understand."

He turned his head back sharply in my direction at this, a mix of anger, betrayal and self loathing there in his gaze.

"You won't when I tell you what I have to say."

"What? Jake? You're not making any sense."

He looked borderline terrified and it made my skin grow cold.

"I don't want to do this. I hate it."

He was talking in circles and I was entirely lost and on the verge of dialing Billy myself when Sam suddenly appeared by the tree line, his half naked form barely visible in the dense tree cover.

Jacob visibly cringed and looked his way with a heavy sigh.

I felt like I was a teenager again. The all too familiar scene making a knot form hastily in my stomach.

"Hey there, Bella." Sam hedged, pulling me into a welcoming embrace before turning his attention to Jacob. "Sorry to interrupt, but we got some pack business to take care of. There's a meeting in thirty-minutes at the lumber yard. I want everyone there. See you then?"

Jacob nodded to him before he turned to head back into the woods.

"Good. I'll be waiting with all the others. Don't be late, bro."

We watched him go until he was well out of sight and I saw the agitation that crossed Jacobs troubled face when he reached for my hand.

He looked miserable and I wrapped my arms around him.

The tremors left him when his arms held me close, his reaction to me instinctive and reminding me of the way things used to be.

"Bells, can you stay here on the reservation till I get back? I'll take you to Emily's with Clarissa? Will you do that for me?"

I reluctantly pulled back and saw the earnest worry in his expression and it made me dread the unknown but I agreed for his sake.

"Okay, I'll stay with Emily for a while this afternoon. I wouldn't mind visiting her."

As it turns out, Emily was more than thrilled to have is over, her whole face lighting up when we soon stepped through her door. She was quick to cuddle Clarissa, peppering her face with kisses as she looked our way.

"Do I get your company for the rest of the day? Cause I can't think of a better way to spend the afternoon." She beamed and it made me smile to her.

"Yep, guess you're stuck with me till Jake gets back from the pack meeting."

"I have so many cookies to bake! We'll have a blast! Just us three girls!" Emily chuckled.

Jacob motioned for me to follow him out and I could feel the anxiety in me growing by the second.

"I'll head straight back here when Sam dismisses the meeting."

"Jake, what is this about? Is there a threat or-"

"No, you're safe. It's not that." He admitted, his face falling with his whispered words. "Stay here till I get back, Bells. I'll tell you everything."

He turned from me and I caught hold of his arm.

"Be careful out there."

"Always am." He countered, heading for the trees without looking back.

I felt my heart sink further into my chest as Emily called out to me from her kitchen.

"I put some tea on if you're interested?"

"Thank you. That sounds nice."

Emily saw the worry plaguing my face and reached out for me.

"What's going on?"

"I truthfully don't know." I replied, seeing her gaze narrow in confusion while she lightly bounced Clarissa on her hip. "But I have a feeling I'll know soon enough."

**A/N: Thanks for reading and please review. There will be two more chapters posted before the evening is out. I'm surely spoiling you today!**


	36. Chapter 36

**CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX**

**(BPOV)**

Emily made the rest of the afternoon fun and we baked well over four dozen chocolate chip cookies. By the time we were finishing up, we were certainly a sight to see. Both of us were caked in flour and our hands sticky while Clarissa played happily in her bouncer seat, the sound of her giggling causing us to erupt into a fit of our own laughter more than just once.

Despite the anxiety still coursing through me, I thoroughly enjoyed myself and couldn't recall a time when I had laughed so hard.

"I'm gonna have to have you over a lot more often!" Emily offered, quickly placing the last batch of cookies in the preheated oven and looking at the mess our afternoon of baking had created.

"This was so much fun, Emily. I'd love to come over again soon. I haven't cooked like this in a long time and I forgot how much I loved it. You've inspired me!"

Emily smiled warmly my way and gave me a hug then, her words sincere with her reply.

"I've missed you so much around here. I need another wolf girl back in my corner. Lilly and I were close, too, of course, but she wasn't much for baking things from scratch. She tried though and that's what counted. God bless her soul. It was hard for me to keep the pack secret from her, but we found our unique ways around it. She assumed some of what happened between Leah and myself and we didn't tell her the difference at Jacobs request. She really did help to mend that for us."

I slowly stirred the remaining batter in the white mixing bowl and noticed the way Emily's gaze went misty when she spoke of her.

"I'm sorry that you lost her, Emily. I know she was loved by so many. She was beautiful. From what I hear, Jake made a good choice with her for sure." I replied, spooning out the remaining dough to make barely another half dozen while Emily stopped her cleanup at my words, the saddened look on her face being replaced with one of confusion.

"She was beautiful. She had a sweet soul about her but she struggled a bit after Clarissa was born. I think she may have had a case of post partum going on for a good bit. It was hard on them. Their relationship struggled, but you know Jacob, ever true as he is."

"Yeah, that's for sure." I agreed, helping her pile the pans in the sink and beginning to rinse them for the dishwasher.

"Bella, I hope you know we missed you, too." Emily softly added, placing her hand over mine when I reached for the dish soap. I stilled at this, her gaze nothing but sincere when it caught my own.

"Well, I kinda' disappeared so-..." I timidly countered.

"You were miles away, yes, but certainly not forgotten. Even Paul missed having ya' around. He's grown a lot since his delinquent years. He even has a long time relationship going with a girl on the Reservation he met a few Summers back."

"Oh, really?"

"Yes, he's pretty serious about her, too. I think he may pop the question to her before much longer. Probably waiting for Christmas to roll around. Holidays tend to bring that out in people." Emily chuckled.

"They can-..."

Emily started to wipe down the counters and I knew she heard the unease in my tone.

"Tell me more about Maine and if you've got a hot doctor back home waiting for you?" She innocently asked and I had to stop myself from rolling my eyes to her in response.

If I heard that question one more time...

"Nope, there's really and truly nothing to tell. No hot guy or on call doctor waiting for me to kiss him under the mistletoe or light his Christmas tree this year. Well, actually, not for any of the years before this one either."

"Oh, come on now. I don't buy that for a minute, Bella. You're very beautiful and you have a career. You're well educated. Surely, someone has snatched you up by now."

"I tell you no lies, Emily. I'm just simply too busy to have any kind of romance in my life these days. Work is a lot and my job doesn't leave me a whole lot of free time. When I'm not on the clock, I'm usually catching up on my sleep."

Emily looked truly saddened at this and I dismissively chuckled to her with a wave of my hand.

"Are you being serious?" She disbelievingly questioned.

"Yes, I am but you don't need to be sad for me. Really, it's okay. I'm fine with it."

"Bella, you may be a great cook and smart as hell but you're not a very good liar. That much I can tell you." Emily bemused, plating the batched of cookies with a raised eyebrow at me.

"Emily, there's just no time. That's all."

"You have to make time."

I shook my head and looked away from her, refocusing my attention on the kitchen mess.

"I'm fine."

"You're beautiful and alone. That's not fine. Don't you want someone to be with?"

"There's no one that's caught my attention for long."

Emily sighed heavily and took the dish I was washing out of my hand.

"You know, I've been standing here debating on whether or not to tell you this, but Sam's friend Gentry is coming to town next week. He's almost thirty and a great guy. Not too mention, he's a looker. He has a farm up in the countryside. He lives a few hours from us, so we don't see him as much as we did a few years back, but he and Sam are still very close."

I looked to her in shock while she put her match making skills to good use on me or tried to anyway.

"I can't believe this." I half laughed. "Between you and my dad-..."

"Your father has met him a few times before! They went out fishing last Spring during his visit. He likes him." Emily added then for good measure.

"Oh, that's perfect." I teasingly went along. "Sure, you can call him right up and we'll go out next Friday! Who knows, if all goes well, I may even end up hitched before I go back to Maine."

Emily caught my sarcastic tone and placed her hand on her hips with a laugh.

"Fine, be stubborn, but I'm not quitting that easily" A great catch like yourself needs someone."

"I have all I need back home and family who loves me here. What else could a girl ask for."

"Someone to keep her warm at night." Emily hastily countered, her innocent reply making the memory of Jacob staying with me a few nights ago resurface.

I damn near dropped the plate in my soapy hands then and saw her knowing smirk linger on Emily's face in return.

"Stop that." I playfully scolded. "We have to finish these up before the pack get back here."

"Oh well, it looks like we're too late cause here they come." Emily replied, gesturing to the front door as the sound of pounding feet came hammering down on her front porch like a stampede. I merely shrugged and tried to ignore the churning in my stomach as I thought of the conversation I knew was about to happen with Jacob.

Our friendship had been through a lot over the years and in all the time I'd known him, I had never seen him look as timid and fearful as he did when he trudged in behind Sam and Paul.

They all reached for the cookies at once and I smiled at the sight of Emily trying to slap awau their hands for anyone who took more than two at a time.

"Don't be such animals! Use your manors, would you?" She harshly told them with the hint of a smile still play on her lips. She loved being their pack mama and it sincerely suited her in every way.

Paul and Seth greeted me first, their unexpected bear hugs making me gasp when they picked me up like I weighed nothing, lifting me off my feet with their enthusiasm. It was jostling and I couldn't hide the blush that spread to my cheeks when Jacob's gaze met mine and he spoke up to them.

"Hey, Hey...-careful. Be easy with her. She's not a toy to be passed around."

Paul didn't even bother to pretend that he heard Jacobs warning, earning himself a good shove to his shoulder from Seth.

"Ease up, bro. For real." Seth sighed. "We don't wanna send her back to Maine broken, dude."

I smiled at them when they released me then and piled the freshly washed dishes on the counter for Emily to put away later.

Jacob picked up Clarissa and kissed her cheek, his anxious and darkened gaze lingering on mine when he nodded towards the front door.

"Thank you for today, Emily. I really enjoyed it. We should do it again soon? Maybe this weekend?"

"That sounds great. Come by on Saturday morning with Jacob and we can pies this time." She eagerly replied, wrapping me in a close hug as I waved goodbye to all the others still stuffing their faces with our cookies and followed Jacob outside.

He was silent when he secured Clarissa in her car seat and took his place on the passenger side. Once we were nearly back to his place, he finally broke his silence and spoke.

"Emily's truly happy you're back, Bella. She always liked you."

"I loved having time with her. How did the meeting go?"

"It went, honey." He replied. "Come with me inside?"

I pulled into the drive and put us in park, my heart lodging into my throat from his request.

He noticed my hesitation and reached out for my hand.

"I don't know-..."

"It's okay, Bells."

I nervously followed him into the house then and felt the emptiness of the place grip me hard when I noticed how much he'd cleared out from the donation drop off he'd done earlier.

"I'm gonna lay Clarissa down for a nap. Please, sit down. I'll be out in a minute." He assured me, heading down the narrow hall with her.

I stood there feeling the color drain from my face as I glanced around at the clutter still left from his sorting, my eyes welling with tears at the stack of photos from Lilly's funeral that laid on his coffee table. It felt wrong to even be in here with him and I stepped back outside, trying to drag the cold air into my lungs as I waited for him to return.

I soon heard the door creak behind me as I stared out ahead at the snowy trees and waited for him to say something, my whole body now shivering from the cold.

Jacob stepped out with a blanket in hand and handed it to me with an understanding gaze.

"I'm sorry this is hard for you to be here."

"I feel like I shouldn't be-..." I admitted.

"I don't know where to start with this, Bells." He hoarsely sighed, his eyes filling with a tangible dread when he peered down at me.

"How about we try it from the beginning? See where it leads? We've had some hard times in our friendship, you know? I don't think this can be any worse than some of what we've already endured?"

"It is, honey. It is."

**A/N: Third and shorter update coming soon! Thank you for reading!**


	37. Chapter 37

**CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN**

**(JPOV)**

I saw her beautiful doe eyes widen when I struggled to even get the words out to her at first, my tremors only making it harder for me to speak through, as the anger in me rose again to new heights when I thought of Billy and what he'd neglected to tell me all this time. Then again, who was I fucking kidding? It was true I was pissed at him but I was even more fucking irate with myself. For the part I played in it all.

I couldn't very well point a finger at Billy when I had three more pointing back at me.

"Do you remember what I told you about how the imprint had been removed?" I began.

"Yeah, the loophole your dad and Sam had found?" She quipped, her trembling from the cold causing me to step forward and reach for her, but I soon thought better of it and let my hands fall to my sides.

Bella's gaze was understanding while I went on and I inwardly cringed at the thought of her running back to Maine from this.

"Right, the loophole. Turns out, there was a risk involved. A risk I didn't know about, but I should have done the research myself instead of blindly trusting what I didn't really understand."

"What kind of risk?"

"A health related one." I forced out, seeing her flinch back at my words like they were weighted, her face going void then of all color as she tried to process what I was struggling myself to explain.

Fucking Hell...

I swallowed hard and continued on, despite the tight feeling in my chest at the sight of her nervous stare.

"The loophole they found wasn't fool proof and they shouldn't have done it, but Billy was trying to remove it before you went to Maine. When you first told me about your pain, Bells, I know this is going to sound crazy, but I immediately thought of the imprint. I don't think your symptoms are just from endometriosis. I think they are directly linked to the breaking of the imprint all those years ago. I think they've worsened with time because of it. Because of the length of the separation between us."

I shut my mouth then, hearing her gasp of confusion and her look of disbelief.

"I was diagnosed with that in high school..."

"After I imprinted on you." I countered, stepping closer to her as she shrugged out of the blanket and moved herself away from me. "Think about it, Bells."

She shook her head and looked up at me, her eyes searching mine for an answer I hoped she could see the sincerity in there.

"This is why I told you not to get involved with this, Jake. I have to go."

"Bells-" I protested, catching her hand. "Stop and think. Has your pain come back since we've been closer? Honey, it left you. Right?"

"That could be from a change in the way a flare up presents itself." She argued. "Not everything is related to wolf magic."

Her words were cold and irritated and I pushed down the returning anger I felt, my eyes narrowing when I inched my face closer to her own.

"You still know me better than almost anyone, Bells. I would never try to explain it away without cause. Billy sought the advice of the council and the elders with Sam and they took a risk they never should have. Sam trusted my dad."

"Stop it, Jake. I love your dad and he would never hurt me on purpose."

"No, he wouldn't on purpose but that doesn't excuse what he did-..."

"You're his son and you should know what lengths one would go for their own child. Wouldn't you do anything to keep Clarissa from feeling that kind of pain? I left you here, Jake. Are you really trying to tell me that you think all my pain with this isn't from the endometriosis?! I've lived with it long enough-"

"...and we've lived without each other for nearly the same amount of time!"

"That doesn't mean it's related. You didn't do this! It isn't something you can control! Why do you think I told you the truth about the reasoning behind my choice to leave you here in Washington? I'm not a good match. Stop trying to explain what you can't. If your dad was desperate enough to do all that research for you, then I'm sure he lost many nights of sleep over his choice to go through with whatever loophole they found."

Her tears fell then without warning and it cut me deep as she tearfully went on.

"When you love someone, hurt is just part of the package, Jacob. I wanted for you what I couldn't give you and you did exactly what I laid awake at night praying you would- you moved on."

She turned away from me and ran down over the steps toward her car and I was quick to follow after her.

"Bells, stop! You have to listen to me with this."

"No, Jake."

"You left here to get away from it. I can't blame you for that. This place wasn't enough. I wasn't enough."

She stopped her steps and looked at me, her entire countenance changing in an instant.

"Is that what you think? That you weren't enough to keep me here?"

"You don't owe me or anyone else an explanation. I get it. Trust me." I tensely replied.

"Leaving here was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do."

She refused to face me then, her back turning and I let the words slip from my mouth without the better judgement to stop them.

"I thought about you every day." I admitted to her.

She whipped back around at this, her body shaking violently from both the bitter cold and her raw emotion.

"I did what I had to. What was best."

"What you thought was best. I know exactly what that's like cause I fucked up and presumed the same thing for you. I had no business doing so. Look at the hurt it's put you through! You never had to leave Washington for me. Damn it, I loved you, Bells. Wolf magic or not. Children or not." I confessed, instantly regretting the words when the familiar shame took hold of me as she climbed in her car and drove off.

**A/N: I know, I know! But no worries, MUCH more to come tomorrow! Please review and till then! :-)**


	38. Chapter 38

**CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT**

**(BPOV)**

I could barely see as I hit the gas and tore off down the highway, my hands shaking and my heart pounding. I knew I was being irrational. That I should turn the car around and face him instead of running away, but the words he said made that feel impossible. They wouldn't stop playing through my head on repeat. Like a damn song I couldn't press the stop button on.

I had been through so much pain with this. Dealt with it for years and Jacob was trying to tell me that the doctors had been wrong? All of them? That after all this damn time, the truth of this whole thing could be staring me dead in the face back in La'Push.

That wasn't possible. How could that be the answer?

This diagnosis had all but ruled my life for years, forced me into one doctors office after another and what Jake was suggesting made me question my own damn sanity for even contemplating it to be true.

I had silently dreaded the very idea of him imprinting on someone for as long as I could remember because I knew it would tear apart whatever foundation we'd built in a matter of a few fleeting moments, but all along, it had been me. The irony of it could have been funny, if it wasn't so tragic, but it was.

My thoughts and fears came crashing into me when I soon parked behind Charlie's cruiser and saw Billy outside waiting on the porch for him, his knowing gaze looking out down the drive while he carefully wheeled himself forward. I pulled the keys from the ignition and got out, my steps quick when I headed for the house door.

"Bella?"

Billy's voice was quavering and the pained sound of it forced me to stop and glance down to him, his face awash with regret that touched his every aged feature.

"Jacob's not with me. He's home on the Reservation with Clarissa." I hurriedly offered up and side stepped him.

Charlie emerged then with his keys in hand, his eyes narrowing some when he took in my flustered expression.

"Hey, you're back earlier than I thought you'd be. What happened? Did Jake come with you?"

"No, he's home." I quietly replied.

Charlie picked up on the tension then and straightened the collar of his jacket while he looked between the two of us in bewilderment.

"Thought you said he needed you? That you had plans or-"

"Plans changed." I sighed, moving past him and closing the door behind me when I felt the heated tears cloud my vision. I headed up the stairs, taking them two at a time and nearly tripping on the last one when Charlie's voice called out to me from behind.

"Bella, wait. Hold on a minute."

I froze there on the top step, wiping the tears that steadily trailed down my cheeks with my fingertips before he could see them fall.

"I'm alright, dad. I'm sure you and Billy have plans. Didn't mean to interrupt them. I'll be here when you get back. See you later."

He approached me, his hand resting on my shoulder while he turned me around to face him.

"Kid, this feels a hell of a lot like something we went through before and I don't like that feeling. Not at all."

I immediately knew what he was referring to as I timidly met his alarmed gaze, seeing the plea there when he admitted this to me.

"This isn't the same thing. I'm not gonna run."

"Alright, then tell me what's going on?" He stubbornly persisted and I didn't have the heart to be angry with him for his concern right now.

Billy's booming baritone came from downstairs then and I saw the uncertain look Charlie wore from it.

"Say Chief, think it would be alright if I had a word with Bella before we head into town to catch that movie?"

"I don't see why not." Charlie hedged in return, his eyes searching mine before I followed him back downstairs with an immovable lump forming in my throat.

"Can you give us just a minute? I'll be right out, Charlie." Billy politely asked.

Charlie nodded to him and leerily started for the door, glancing back to us both once more before stepping outside.

I couldn't bring myself to look at Billy when he wheeled himself forward and began.

"Bella, I'm sure you've spoken with Jacob and there's nothing I can say that can justify what I did. Jacob is my son and I felt that I had no choice at the time. I know this doesn't excuse my ill thought out actions from the past, but I do owe you an explanation for them."

"I'm listening." I begrudgingly stated, feeling my tears drip as he hesitantly continued. I didn't bother to try and hide my emotion from him. Truth was, I wanted him to see how this had affected me. How much it hurt me to think that there was a possibility of Jacobs confession being true.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I'm sorry for not telling Jacob the truth from the start. I'm sorry I kept it from him and more than that, I'm sorry that it caused you the kind of pain it has."

I looked to him with a sob building in my chest that I couldn't push down.

"So, what he said- what he just told me is- it-it's true? You found the loophole you needed with the help of the council and the elders, and you didn't bother to weigh out some of the risks before carrying on the removal of the imprint?"

Billy's dark eyes filled with his remorse as he nodded once to me in reply, the shame now etched clearly in every line on his face.

"Please, Bella. I don't expect you to forgive me but-"

"Forgive you? You don't expect me to forgive you? Billy you and Jacob are like family to me."

"What I did was wrong and both you and Jacob have every right to be angry with me. I deserve that."

"You did what you felt was right for him. He's your boy, Billy. I don't even know how to stay angry with you for trying to protect him from the pain you knew would come when I left for Maine."

He briefly fell silent at this and looked toward the door.

"I was foolish to think that if I kept close enough tabs on you through Charlie, I'd know you were doing okay in Maine. The whole damn thing was an idiot move on my part. My intentions may have been good, but the choices I made weren't mine to make. I took something into my hands that didn't belong there." He admitted.

I shook my head and heard Charlie start the cruiser outside, my voice small when I replied to him again.

"Charlie's waiting for you. The two of you should really get going so you don't miss the movie."

"Bella, I don't care about that-..."

"Please, Billy. Please go. I need a few minutes alone."

He nodded before hanging his head and wheeling himself out onto the front porch where Charlie was still waiting.

I held my breath until the door latched and the shadows from the cruisers bright headlights disappeared from the window, before I let out the cry I felt like I'd been holding in for the last ten years.

I sunk down to the kitchen floor, my stomach knotting as I let the sobs take hold until I had no more tears in me left to cry.

Darkness of the approaching night soon covered the house and I sat there with my back pressed roughly against the cupboards, the emptiness around me feeling so profound that I physically shuddered from it.

This was what I always did though. Retreated into myself when something too painful surfaced. It made me feel weak and like a coward and I loathed that feeling. It never solved a damn thing for me and often times, only made the situation worse in the end. I had left that part of myself behind a long time ago, or so I thought and I refused to go back to being the weak and feeble person I once was.

I slowly picked myself up, standing on unsteady legs and drew in a breath, my gaze going to the abandoned car keys I'd thrown on the table an hour ago.

This was not the person I was going to turn into again.

I rushed forward and snatched the keys up in my hand, my running steps only stopping long enough the zip up my coat before throwing open the house door and jogging to the car.

I stumbled in the dark, the keys falling to the ground when a husky voice called my name then.

"Bells-…"

I turned around to see him there, lingering behind me only a few feet, his face covered in the heavy shadows of the moonlights glow.

"I was on my way to you." I tearfully admitted to him, his bare russet chest rising and falling as he stared back at me wordlessly. "I shouldn't have left like that before. I'm sorry, Jake."

He looked like he was silently warring with himself, his hands visibly flexing at his sides while he stood there as his darkened gaze roamed over me.

"I'm sorry too, Bells."

"You're taking ownership for something you didn't fully know."

"It caused you pain that I can't erase or take back for you and I fucking hate that more than you'll ever know. I would never do anything to hurt you on purpose."

"I know." I softly replied. "Me leaving wasn't the answer. It wasn't the solution."

"You needed your space." He replied with an understanding I didn't feel I deserved.

"No, I don't want space from you. I've had enough of that to last me a damn lifetime." I confessed, wrapping my arms around myself for warmth as the bitterly cold breeze picked up around us.

Jacob held my stare and slowly closed the distance between us, his warm hands running up my arms when he reached out and drew me into him.

"I've had enough of it, too."

"I'm not running this time. I want to hear more about what you think the imprint has to do with my pain and what it means."

"I have a lot more to tell you and only a few more hours till I have to get Clarissa from Emily."

"Well, you have my full attention until then." I sighed into his warm chest, the comfort of his closeness washing over me while I stilled there in his arms.

We sat down on the sofa and I saw the nervousness in his gaze when he turned his head my way.

"If I'm right about the imprint factor in this, my hope is to find a way for it to heal you, honey. Before you leave for Maine again."

"You really think that's possible?"

"Yeah, I do." He sincerely replied. "I just don't know where the hell to start or how much time it will take."

"I don't hurt when you're close to me." I softly hedged, admitting what I knew he already could sense. "That has to mean something, right? Maybe we're putting too much worry and thought into this? Maybe the imprint knows what we need when we need it?"

"That's how it's supposed to be." Jacob sighed, as I turned myself further toward him and saw the hope clearly written on his handsome face. "I don't want you to hurt like that anymore."

"You're not wrong about our closeness having an impact. I get scared to put hope into things anymore. Its hard for me to think that it's really possible to be free from it after all this time. I'm sorry for dismissing you the way I did before. It was unfair."

"I know you thought you had to leave back then...-" He suddenly stated.

"I wanted you to be happy and you were. I wanted everything for you that I couldn't give you myself."

"We both screwed up. We let fear fuel our choices. I don't ever want to do that again, Bells. We gotta' start over and be honest from here on out."

"Agreed." I softly replied, placing my palm on his chest and stilling when I felt him shudder in response. I removed my hand but he caught it and laced our fingers tightly together as his cheek came to rest on the top of my head. "I can't tell you how sorry I am that my leaving made you feel like you weren't enough to keep me here. Nothing could have been further from the truth. You were enough. You were always enough."

"I assumed that being stuck here with me was the last thing you wanted for your life and I couldn't blame you for it, Bella. Your happiness meant everything to me. It still does. That's why I went along with the removal of it. It sure in hell wasn't what I truly wanted, believe me. I just wish I had known the real reason you left for Maine a long time ago."

"Can't change the past." I thoughtfully countered. "... and the life you had with Lillian made you happy and it gave you the irreplaceable gift of Clarissa. We can't think like that."

Jacob sat up from the couch, bringing me with him, his words strained with his reply.

"...but you've been alone with this. With something I believe could have been changed from the very beginning had our choices been different back then."

"It's okay."

"Stop saying that." He countered, tucking a warm hand under my chin and raising my head to look him in the face while he continued. "The only thing that kept me from going after you was the thought that you left because of what staying in Washington couldn't give you. Not the other way around."

"I know there's a lot to a person, to me and who I am, outside of children. It's only part of me, not all of me, but I never truly realized how much I wanted that until someone told me I couldn't have it. That it wasn't within my reach for the future. We were so young then. Just teenagers, Jake. I knew enough about the imprint to know how very important it was to carry on the gene-"

"It wouldn't have changed anything." He interjected.

"It would have and it did." I cautiously argued in return. "My biggest fear was that you'd live to regret being with me, or even resent me later on if I stayed. You and I both know where our friendship was headed and I wanted that until the doctor told me what she did."

"You were afraid, but I would have never turned away from you because of that. I would've grieved that with you and we would've grown together from it."

"I took that chance from you and I'm sorry."

"I guess we both have things to heal from." He replied, letting his hand fall from my face and pulling me back into his arms with a quavering sigh.

We sat there in contented silence for minutes on end, my mind filling with all the questions I still had for him but right now, there was only one thing I wanted to share. One thing I had to be honest with him about.

"I don't want to leave here next week."

Jacob tensed from this and I saw the undeniable plea reflected back at me in his piercing gaze when his eyes searched my own.

"We're turning over a new leaf, right? Being honest?" He whispered and I silently nodded to him. "I don't want you to go back either, honey. I want you close. I want you here in Washington."

We stared at each other, both of our mouths opening to say something more when the sound of Charlie's cruiser pulling into the yard brought our conversation to an abrupt end.

**A/N: Thank you for reading. There will be another update very soon. Please review and thank you for all your thoughts on this story :-)**


	39. Chapter 39

**CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE**

**(BPOV)**

Charlie and Billy raved about the action movie they'd been to see the late showing of, both of them appearing to be exhausted from their late evening. Jacob instantly tensed when Billy looked our way, the two of them sharing a loaded glance that had my heart heavy and made Charlie clearly uncomfortable.

You could cut the tension between them with a knife.

"I told your old man he could stay here again with us tonight. That okay with you, son?" Charlie asked Jacob, only getting a nod in response and looking down to me with clear suspicion.

"I have to get going." Jacob hedged, getting up from the sofa and releasing my hand when Charlie's gaze caught sight of it.

"You're more than welcome to stay here, too. The more the merrier. We've enjoyed the company." Charlie bemused, but Jacob kindly declined his offer and headed for the door. "See you for some breakfast in the morning then, son? Any requests? You know how good of a cook Bella is. I'm sure she can whip something up? Let her know what you'd like."

"No, that's alright. I have a full day ahead of me at the shop tomorrow. Have to reopen it for business or we'll go under but thank you, Charlie."

I walked him out and inwardly cringed at the angry glare he tossed his fathers way before leaving. Billy's returning look was devestating and my heart became even heavier from their tension. They needed each other now more than ever and while I knew it wouldn't be an easy thing to mend the broken trust between them, I also held out the hope that it wasn't entirely impossible to repair.

"I know you probably don't want to hear this from me right now, but maybe try to talk this out with your dad? He didn't mean to hurt me and while I'm still angry myself, I also know deep down who he is and I know how very much he loves you, Jake. Don't forget that. I saw him in that hospital room with you when things weren't going in your favor after the accident. He never left your side. It's that same kind of love that drove his actions to begin with. Try to put yourself in his shoes? I hate seeing you two like this."

"I admire your forgiving nature but I'm gonna need more time. We'll work this out. I just don't know when, Bells." He truthfully stated.

I nodded and glanced around at the darkened forest, my unease swirling uncomfortably around in my gut while I thought of how hard sleep was probably going to come for me tonight.

"Sam is waiting for you. I know you have to go."

"I won't be far. I'm running the border tonight for patrol with Seth and Leah. I'll check in-..."

"You don't have to-" I countered, as he wrapped an arm around me and placed a kiss to my forehead.

"I want to, honey."

"Okay, I'll leave the window unlocked."

"Please do. I'll stop in before I head back to the reservation and get Clarissa at dawn. Try to get some sleep."

He pulled away from me then and headed for the forests edge, my gaze looking out after him until he disappeared from sight.

After Billy and Charlie were settled in for the night, I changed into something comfortable and made myself a cup of tea in the kitchen in the hopes it would help me settle down. When two in the morning came and went, I knew that shutting my mind off long enough to sleep wasn't going to be an option for me right now, and I settled in Charlie's recliner with a good book in hand.

I was only a chapter in when Billy spoke to me from the couch, his sincere tone making me put the book away and listen.

"Are the two of you alright? After...-"

"Yes, Billy. Jacob and I will be alright. We both made some poor choices years ago. Choices that hurt us both."

"I'm truly sorry for what I did. I hope that with time, the both of you can find it in your hearts to forgive me."

"I'd be lying if I said that it didn't hurt me, but Billy, I still think of you as my second father and I do forgive you. Jacob may need more time for it, but I'm sure he'll come around."

"Time will tell."

"He knows you love him and he knows why you did it."

"Doesn't excuse it." Billy roughly stated. "I deserve his anger. I have to earn the trust I broke between us back. It's the right thing to do. I'm glad that you talked things out with him."

I grew quiet then, idly fiddling with the worn out pages from my latest medical documentary read and soon reaching over to turn off the lamp so Billy could get some sleep.

"See you in the morning, Billy. Good night."

I headed for the stairs and paused when his words reached me again.

"He's never stopped loving you, Bella. I want you to know that. Jacob hated every part of the separation from you. Both in the human form and the supernatural one. You're part of him. Knitted in the very fabric of who he is. I knew then what has only confirmed to me now."

"What's that?" I softly hedged, feeling my breath hitch at his words.

"That you can't run from what the heart wants. You can delay it, elude it even, but eventually, it always wins out. One way or the other. Wolf magic or not. Most of those in the pack will tell you they hated the choice being taken from them at first, but that's what I've always found most fascinating about you and Jacob. He chose you to love and fiercely protect for himself long before the imprint ever could. I think in a lot of ways, the imprint didn't define what the two of you shared, but instead, my son defined it first."

I slowly returned to the recliner and turned the lamp back on to see his earnest expressed when he peered over to me.

"I tried to run from it."

"You felt you were doing the right thing. Just as he did by going along with the loophole we uncovered for the imprints pull. You make him better. I can see it when he's with you. You calm the storm in him. Always have. Much like you're here doing now."

"I think we do that for each other, Billy. I don't know how or what sense it makes-... if any."

"Love like that doesn't have to make sense. It just is and separating yourself from its hold can feel like your removing an actual piece of yourself."

"... but what he had with Lilly-"

"...was real and true. He loved her with all the he had and with all that he could, but I knew that if you ever came back to Forks, he wouldn't be able to let you go again."

"I'm supposed to leave for Maine next week."

"... and do you want to?"

"I don't know anymore." I truthfully admitted, seeing his nod as I met his gaze.

"This all has been so unexpected for you. Life has a way of doing that."

His words made me stop and think of Mr. Dawson for the first time in days as I switched out the lamp a final time and went up to my room.

"Night, Billy."

I curled up under the covers and waited there to hear the familiar sound of the creaking in my window.

Jacobs hand swiftly drew it up and he climbed quietly inside, his footfalls nearly weightless when he crossed the room and hunkered down at my bedside, his tired gaze meeting mine in the glow of the fading moonlight.

"Have you slept?"

"No." I replied, taking hold of his warm hand and tugging him forward. "Stay with me?"

He held my stare for a long while before silently climbing in behind me and drawing me back into his firm chest, his warm breath ghosting against my neck with his whispered words.

"Good night, Bells. Sleep tight."

"Night, Jake. See you in a few hours for breakfast."

"I'll take pancakes, by the way. Please and thank you." Jacob teasingly countered, his soft tone making me smile in the dark before I closed my eyes and fell asleep with him.

**A/N: Another two chapters in one day kind of update! I hope you enjoyed them. New post again tomorrow. Thank you for reading and please review :-)**


	40. Chapter 40

**CHAPTER FORTY**

**(BPOV)**

Pancake batter was dribbled all across Charlie's kitchen counter and he looked less than enthused at the mess but his mood quickly changed when Jacob came back from picking up Clarissa. His grumpy countenance all but vanished when she reached her tiny arms out toward him. He had taken to her far more quickly than even I expected him to and it made me smile for him. This less rigid and more nurturing side of him was something I rarely got to see anymore.

"Come see your uncle Charlie, huh? Let's leave the cooking to the ones who know how. Come on." He sighed, taking hold of Clarissa as she enthusiastically shook the rattle in her hands with glee.

Jacob's returning smile was warm to them and he offered to help me with breakfast.

"Alright, put me to work in here, Bells. No reason you should have to cook this all on your own. I can be useful sometimes."

"Are you actually serious right now? Do you really want to cook with me?" I bemused, my stunned expression not easily hidden when he nodded to me in reply.

"Yeah, I'm serious. I have to learn sometime. What better timing is there to start than right now? Come on, how hard can it be, anyway? You just follow the recipe."

"Uh-huh." I chuckled, handing him the large mixing bowl as he took hold of the oversized spoon and started mixing the chocolate chips into the bowl of soupy batter.

"I should be able to stir up the batter at least." He began.

"I still have the scrambled eggs and cinnamon rolls to finish. They have to go in the oven. You could start there." I kindly suggested, noting his raised eyebrow when he shook his head to me.

"I think I can handle this. It's just stirring. How can anyone screw that up."

He no more than said this before reaching for the electronic beaters and turning on the mixer. The speed of it so high that it sent the pancake batter flying in all different directions out of the mixing bowl. I gasped and stopped beating the eggs, my mouth hung open while Jacob hurriedly unplugged the mixer from the outlet in the wall.

Charlie's cupboards were covered from top to bottom with the batter now and Jacob merely shrugged innocently in response to the sight of it.

"Jake...-" I busted out laughing, unable to stop myself, the sound causing a grin to pull at the corners of his mouth.

"Okay, so I take that all back. Everything I just said. I should have stuck to the eggs and cinnamon rolls. Clearly, I need some serious work in this department. I don't get it? I'm a hands on person. I fix cars for a damn living and rebuild engines piece by piece. How can I screw up pancakes!?"

"Look at it this way. Cooking is like a fine art. You'll get it. You just have to learn. It takes time." I assured him.

"Guess so." He readily agreed.

"What time are you heading in to open up the shop? Is that still your plan for today?"

"Yeah, it is. Paul is opening with Embry this morning. I'm scheduled to be in before noon and stay open after hours to finish up some of our finances. Our budget needs work and a lot of it. Staying closed the last few weeks really hurt us. I'm worried we may not recover from it."

His defeated tone made me reach for him with a weary smile then.

"Hey- don't sell yourself short, alright. You're one of the best mechanics I've ever known. Your skills are unmatched. Maybe it's time to spread the word about your business in more ways than just by word of mouth? You could post something online or see if Charlie would put up a few business flyers in town and at the station? Do you have your own business cards?"

"No, we never got around to ordering them." He tiredly huffed out in frustration.

"Well, if you want, I'm pretty good with online graphic design. I've organized a few nurses campaigns in my time at Pen Bay. I could make something up and see if you like it?"

"It wouldn't be too much to ask?" Jacob softly replied.

"No, not at all. I have a program on my Mac for it. When you close up tonight, I'll come by and we can take a look at some of the designs together. If you like one, we could even place an order for the business cards so they'd arrive in the mail before next week. There's dozens to choose from."

"Thanks, Bells. I would really appreciate your help."

I smiled again his way and went back to cooking breakfast as Billy timidly wheeled himself over to us.

"Good morning, son."

Jacobs gaze met mine and I gave him an encouraging nod before he turned and spoke to his father.

"Morning." He gruffly replied.

While it was the briefest of exchanges, in my book, their communication was better than nothing and it still counted.

"Jake, can you grab the oven mits and pull out the cinnamon rolls? They should be about done." I asked.

"You still trust me to be in the kitchen at all after this mess?" He disbelievingly countered.

"Course I do, besides, mistakes are all part of learning and if you still want to learn, I'd be more than happy to teach you."

He soon complied and I saw the hint of a smile on Billy's face when he wheeled himself up to the table and began playing with Clarissa.

Breakfast was delicious and the talk around the table about the upcoming ice fishing trip Charlie still planned to make happen, proved to be enough to ease some of the tension from the night before.

"Say son, I ran into Sam Uley at the corner market in town, he mentioned to me in passing that his good friend Gentry is coming back this way for another visit?"

"I'm not sure, Charlie. Sam hasn't mentioned anything about it to me."

"Well, he's a nice guy. We got along real well last time he was here. He sure knows his stuff about hunting and fishing. Guys built like a grizzly! No wonder he and Sam are close. They look enough alike to be brothers."

I noticed the unsettled look that crossed Jacobs face at this, the sight of it soon mirroring Billy's uneasy expression and causing them both to stop eating.

"I don't think he'll be in town for too long, Charlie." Billy added.

"Well, I was thinking he could join us when we go ice fishing on Sunday? Couldn't hurt to add one more to our little voyage, right?" Charlie cluelessly continued.

"Gentry usually has business matters regarding his farm when he makes the trip this way. He may be too busy." Billy deflected, sharing a look with Jacob and I from across the table.

Clearly I was missing something here.

Jacob was pretty damn welcoming and friendly to just about everyone who crossed his path, but the moment Charlie suggested that Gentry accompany us on Sunday's fishing trip, his relaxed stature changed. I glanced over at him, seeing the set line of his jaw as it flexed and his hand now tightly gripping around his fork while his body filled with a rigid tension.

"I'll have to ask Sam if I see him before the weekend." Charlie sighed, shoveling in another rounded spoonful of his scrambled eggs and carrying on with a different conversation then. "You feel ready to go back to work this soon, Jacob? There's no shame in taking some more time for yourself."

"I don't have much of a choice, Charlie. Have to keep the place running. We have a lot of customers already backed up. I'll be alright."

"Okay, well, it could do you some good to get back into a routine like you were. I know structure always helped to keep me sane after Renee and I split ways years ago. I would have been lost without my job at the station back then."

Jacob simply nodded to him and looked my way.

"Would it be okay if Clarissa stayed here with Billy for the day. If it's not too much trouble?" He nervously asked and I placed a hand over his when Charlie spoke up in response before I could.

"Are you kidding? Of course it's okay. We'd love to have her over for the afternoon. Could be fun having a little one around here again. You go to work and don't worry about a thing. You can come back later to pick her up or Bella could even bring her to you. It's no trouble, son."

"Thank you." Jacob replied, squeezing my hand under the table, his gaze filling with sincerity. "I mean that."

When clean up was finished and everyone stuffed, Jacob kissed Clarissa goodbye and handed me her diaper bag.

"I packed extra diapers and wipes and her teething rings are in here, too. Formula's on the left and the pacifiers are in the front."

I could see the traces of guilt there on his face and hear the hesitation in his husky voice when he stated this by the door. Like he felt he was somehow being a burden by leaving her with us for the day.

"We're gonna have lots of fun, aren't we Clarissa?" I sighed, kissing her round cheek when he handed her to me.

"I can't thank you enough for keeping her all day."

"You don't have to. We'll love having her here. She seems to bring out the best in Charlie."

"Yeah, she's been known to do that for a lot of people. I'll have my phone on me all day. Call me if anything comes up with her?"

"For sure, Jake. Try to enjoy your first day back to the shop." I softly encouraged him, his nod still uneasy when he placed a hand on my shoulder with his parting words.

"I owe you, Bells."

"Nonsense." I chuckled, lifting Clarissa's tiny hand in mine and waving to him with her as he headed out to his car. "Say, Bye Bye daddy. See you soon."

She let out a giggle at this and I held her close as his rabbit disappeared from sight.

We spent the afternoon finding new ways to entertain sweet Clarissa and all of us were equally captivated with her. After lunchtime rolled around, her rich brown eyes began to grow heavy with sleep and I covered us both in a blanket while she drifted off for her nap.

Charlie kept staring at me as he and Billy found a new show to bide their time. After a while longer, I turned my attention to him with an inquisitive stare.

"What?" I asked with a slight shrug of my shoulders. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Nothing." Charlie huffed, taking a swig from his cold beer and nudging his arm into Billy's beside him. "See, this is why I try to tell her to not bury herself in her work. She's a natural with kids. You'll make a real good mother one day, kid. Just you wait and see."

Billy tried to keep the faint smile on his face but I knew he saw the change in my countenance from Charlie's words and it made me want to disappear from his knowing gaze.

While I knew that Jacob had yet to tell Billy the truth surrounding my endometriosis, I had a sinking feeling that he somehow already knew what it had taken from me.

"She sure will make a good mother. Lucky kids they'll be." Billy added then, his heartfelt words making my eyes well with emotion.

I hurriedly blinked the tears away and placed a kiss into Clarissa's hair, inhaling the sweet baby smell that lingered heavily on her soft skin. Every NICU nurse I knew had always told me about how there was truly nothing like that precious smell and now I understood just what they had meant by that.

"She's really taken to you, Bella" Charlie hedged.

"She's just a very loving baby." I countered.

"She used to only let Jacob or Lilly hold her while she slept. She's been like that since she was first born."

I went quiet at this and noticed the misty eyed looked Billy wore just as a loud knock came to Charlie's front door.

"Are you expecting someone?" Charlie asked me and I shook my head as he got up and answered it.

There was a silence as the front door swung open and the exchange I heard next made me instantly tighten my arms around Clarissa.

"Hello, there. I'm sorry to bother you. My name is Peter and this is my ex wife Judy. We're here for our granddaughter Clarissa Black? We understand she's here with you?"

**A/N: Thank you for reading. New update tomorrow. Thank you for all your reviews and be sure to stay tuned.**


	41. Chapter 41

**CHAPTER FORTY-ONE**

**(BPOV)**

I kept Clarissa close and saw the anger that rapidly filled Billy's face as the voices carried further out to us from the front door.

"I'm sorry to show up here like this, so suddenly and all, but we have traveled a very long way to see our granddaughter. We just got word about Lilly and we're devastated. I'm sure you can understand that." Peter sadly stated.

Charlie cleared his throat while I rose from the couch and quietly headed upstairs for my room, my steps swift as I reached for my cell phone on my bed and speed dialed Jacob. It rang only twice before his husky voice cut over the line.

"Bells? Hey-... Everything okay? I should be leaving in a few more hours-" He began.

"No, it's not. Listen to me, stop whatever it is that you're doing and get back here to Forks as fast as you can, Jake. I mean it. Run in wolf form if you have to. If it's faster. Just get here."

"Wait a minute. Hold on. Slow down, honey. What's going on? Is Clarissa sick or hurt or-" He worriedly countered.

"No, she's perfectly healthy but we have some unexpected company at our door. Lilly's parents, Peter and Judy are here."

"What?" He disbelievingly questioned, his tone almost instantly filling with anger at hearing this.

"I'm serious."

"Alright, stay right there. I'm coming. Please, don't even hand her over to them. I don't trust him or her."

"Don't worry, Jake. I have no intentions of letting them take her anywhere. She's fast asleep in my arms right now and it will stay that way till you get here. See you soon. We'll be waiting here for you."

We ended the call with this and I tip toed out into the upstairs hall, listening to the rather hostile exchange happening on the first floor of the house.

"I know just who the hell you are and I'm not sure what you're intentions are by coming here, but I can tell you this much, you're not crossing into this house and taking Clarissa anywhere with you. Jacob is at work and he needs to be here." Charlie edgily stated to them.

"Charlie, is it?" Judy softly countered then. "I understand your alliance in this but we assure you that we only want to see her right now. We want to be sure that she's okay and well cared for."

"Why wouldn't she be?" Billy's angry voice suddenly cut in then. "Are you trying to imply that Jacob isn't capable of caring for her on his own? That her welfare depends on you coming here? That's absolutely absurd."

"Billy we don't mean to cause any trouble by our impromptu visit. Truly, we don't." Judy sighed worriedly in return.

"Where the hell were you when Jacob tried to get in touch with you days ago? He left you countless messages right after the accident when he came to. He tried to tell you about Lilly and you didn't even have the decency to return his calls or texts? You didn't bother to even come to her funeral! Now you show up here unannounced and-"

"We were both away in separate states for important conferences and we didn't get the word of her passing until-" Peter arrogantly replied, trying to selfishly defend his actions.

"Bullshit-" Billy loudly accused, before he could even finish the statement. "I don't buy any of it for a damn minute that you two didn't have proper access to your phones while you were away! So, why don't you spare me your lies and ignorance and just tell me why you couldn't even be bothered enough to come here for your own daughters funeral!?"

I cringed at his lethal tone with them. I had never heard Billy speak to anyone while being that angry and they both deserved his wrath.

A brief silence fell then but it was short lived.

"I think it's best if you go." Charlie suggested sternly. "It's pretty damn clear that no good can come from the two of you being here today."

"We are not leaving this doorstep until we see Clarissa! I am a well known and respected lawyer and you don't want to start something like this with me!" Peter nearly shouted, the loudness in his harsh tone causing Clarissa to startle slightly in my arms. I tightened my hold on her and placed a soft kiss to her temple, as I swayed back and forth there in the hall, still intently listening.

"Hold it right there!" Charlie haughtily countered, his voice no longer just stern but laced with a clear and resounding authority I recognized all too well. "Peter, I'm the chief of Police here in Forks. I would strongly advise you to watch what you say and the way you say it from here on out. You may be a big city lawyer and all but you're sure in hell not above the law and I won't tolerate any form of threatening. Do you understand me? Are we clear?"

"Crystal." Peter begrudgingly stated to him in reply. "That doesn't change the fact that we're here to see Clarissa. She is our grandchild and we have rights! I'm sure you know this being a cop!?"

"What I know is that you never bothered to show any kind of concern for Lilly when she was still here. I saw that girl more than you did and she wasn't even my daughter. I get that relationships with grown children can sometimes be complicated and difficult. I have one myself, but nevertheless, you don't abandon them. Not ever! No matter what the damn circumstances are in your life." Charlie clarified.'

"You don't know anything about me!" Peter retorted angrily.

"Watch your tone." Charlie spat back.

"What do you really want, Peter? What is this really all about?" Billy demanded then.

"This is about our rights to her. She is our blood, too. We want to know that she gets the life she deserves! Now that Lilly's gone, it's fair to assume that she'll be at a disadvantage without her." Judy tearfully stated.

"How dare you say that?" Billy yelled.

"We're only stating that which is true. Don't you want her to have more?" Peter began again.

"More? More than what? More than this you mean? More than what you think my son can give her? This is about money. That's what it's always been about with you two." Billy fumed callously.

"If Jacob were here, we could talk this over in a more civilized manor...-" Peter started to argue.

"Well, it looks like you'll get your wish to have that civilized talked cause he's pulling in now." Charlie hedged.

I held my breath at this, hearing the screeching that came from the tires, as they harshly turned into the drive and came to a sudden halt. The car door slammed shut and the very sound of it made me shudder.

"What are you doing here? Leave." Jacob coldly stated to them, his harsh and echoing words fueled by a rage that was almost tangible in his voice when he spoke.

"Jacob, please, please just hear what we have to say." Judy cried out in return.

"Why? Huh? Why should I listen to anything that either of you have to say?" He bitterly retorted.

"Lilly was precious to us! We loved her!" Peter snapped. "You took her away from us and now you want to keep us from Clarissa!?"

I placed a hand over my mouth as his words made me sick to my stomach, the coldness in them alone enough to bring tears to my eyes.

"I loved your daughter and you were never there for her. I didn't take her from you. The two of you never even tried to make her a priority. You can't blame that on anyone but yourselves." Jacob solemnly replied.

"That's not true!" Judy wailed. "We tried to be close to her but when she moved here-"

"What's Clarissa's middle name?" Jacob hoarsely asked then, the sudden change in his baritone making me take a step forward and press my cheek against the top of Clarissa's head.

"What?" Judy confusingly asked. "What does that have to do with-"

"It's a simple question. What is her middle name?" Jacob fiercely repeated, the strength behind his voice leaving him when it wavered on the last few words. "Your granddaughters middle name?"

"I-I-... we- we're not-" She stammered then in return.

"You don't even know do you?"

"Well, with our schedules over the last year, it was hard to stay in touch with Lilly. We called."

"You never called." Jacob bit back.

"We want to see her!" Judy sobbed. "She's the only part of Lilly we have left, Jacob. Please, don't do this. Don't keep us from her. We never got to say goodbye to Lillian."

"I called you over a dozen times and so did Shawn. He was just as persistent to get ahold of you as I was. I wanted you to be there when we laid her to rest. I wanted that for you and for Lilly , even if you weren't exactly on the best of terms. I wanted you both to have that chance because as a new dad, I know that would gut me in ways I would never be able to live with if I were ever in your shoes."

No one spoke then and the only sound I could hear was that of Judy's tears as she began to plead with him harder.

"Can you please put aside your differences and just let us see her?"

"I'm not the one who drove that wedge." Jacob countered.

"Fair enough, but we still want to be part of her life."

"Stop begging with him, Judy! For shits sake! Have some class and remember your dignity. We have just as much right to her as Billy does, and if it's a fight he wants, well then, it's a fight he'll have. You should learn to choose a more appropriate opponent when sparring like this, Jacob. You're outmatched here." Peter sarcastically drawled. "You should know your place."

"I do. You should know yours and by the way, it's Julian. Clarissa's middle name is Julian. Lilly chose it for her the day she was born, but I guess you wouldn't have a way of knowing that either considering you never came around for long enough to find out."

"Don't test me, Jacob. I never liked you for her-..."

"Feelings mutual, Peter. Now leave! Go!"

"You can't order me to go! This isn't your house." Peter vehemently argued in protest.

"No, but it is mine and I'm asking you to get the hell off my porch. I think I've been far more than understanding and tolerant of your behavior so far. My patience is all but spent with the two of you." Charlie asserted. "So, get off my property."

"We want her with us!" Peter fumed.

"When hell freezes." Jacob yelled, the scuffling noise from downstairs loud and the shouting that followed, even louder.

"Get your hands off me!"

"Hey! That's enough! I mean it! The two of you get going!" Charlie demanded above the maddening ruckus. "Don't make me escort you out in handcuffs for trespassing. You're screwing with the wrong cop! I got a whole team down at the station that will gladly show up here with blues on and haul you off to jail!"

"On what damn charges! You're grasping at straws and you know it."

"I'll grasp at whatever I damn well please, Peter." Charlie bitingly hedged. "You try and take that sweet baby away from her father and I promise you that it won't end well. Jacob has all of us, along with an entire community of people back on the Reservation, who will support him in this fight and you sir, will lose."

"Are you, the chief of police in Forks, threatening me?" Peter huffed. "Cause that would certainly be a case for the courts to hear!"

"I'm telling you to get the hell off my property and to leave Clarissa and Jacob alone, or the chips will fall where they may. That's a promise and not a threat. There's a clear difference. I would think you being someone who is as educated of a man in the law that he claims to be would know that fucking difference between them. I've been a cop for a long ass time, and I've had the misfortune of arresting a lot of arrogant asses like yourself and they all have one thing in common, Peter."

"Oh yeah and what's that, chief Swan?"

"Their overly confident and their talk is just that... all talk!"

"You don't think I'll take Jacob to court for custody of Clarissa? Prove he's unfit? Try me. I'm a very determined man, Mr. Swan. Don't make the mistake of underestimating me. It would not benefit you to do so."

I came down the stairs then just in time to catch sight of Charlie roughly grabbing Peter by his suit collar and drawing them in nose to nose.

"You really are a pompous ass, aren't you? Every time you open your mouth, you just keep digging a larger hole for yourself than a goffer can in the Spring!"

Jacobs head turned my way when I rounded the corner and he crossed the room in four long strides. I handed Clarissa to him and stalked toward Charlie first.

"That's enough!"

Every head sharply turned in my direction at the sound of my voice and I saw Judy's face pale when she got a good look at me, her hands automatically stretching out while I nervously placed myself in the middle of their heated brawl.

"You're her aren't you?" Judy quaveringly asked. "You're the emergency room nurse that Shawn and Martha spoke of in some of their messages. You're Bella?"

"Yes, I am. I knew Mr. and Mrs. Dawson. I know that you're Peter and Judy. Lillians parents. They told me about you back at the hospital."

"...and you tried to save our Lilly?"

I swallowed hard then as Charlie released Peters collar and stepped back into the house with an angry huff, his close stance of protection in front of me not going unnoticed.

"I-I saw her. Your Lilly. I was one of the ER nurses on call the night of the accident. The night they brought her in. I'm very sorry for the loss you both have suffered." I stated softly, careful to speak to them in a manor that could de-escalate things back to the way it should be without all the threats and hostility.

I felt there was no place for that here with Clarissa.

"My parents spoke very highly of you, nurse Swan." Peter sighed, wearily looking toward Billy and Charlie.

"...and I grew to really care for them as well."

I looked back at Judy then, pausing there and taking a moment to truly see the evident grief and sorrow in her tired face as her red rimmed gaze steadily held my own. Behind all the anger and the threatening behavior they exhibited, I saw something else.

Just beneath the surface I saw the raw pain that lingered heavily over her expression. The regret that came from a broken relationship between a mother and daughter that never got the chance it deserved to be repaired. Seeing this in her now didn't make me naïve to their manipulation, instead, it only gave me a deeper sense of compassion for Judy alone than I had before. She had lost a part of herself with Lillians death that she could never get back.

"They told us how you helped to save Jacob and Clarissa, too?"

I merely nodded as Peter flinched away from his ex wife, like her weakened words of grief and loss made him resent her somehow. I took a few steps forward and placed my hand on her trembling shoulder.

"I know I don't personally know either of you, but I'm going to say this anyway." I paused, and looked back into the house to see Jacob lingering close by in the living room with Clarissa pressed tightly to him. "Please don't let the sorrow you both feel over your loss of Lilly make you lose sight of what's truly best for Clarissa. Jacob is a good father to her. She is the single most important thing to him. I promise you that it's true and you can put weight in my words cause I've known both Billy and Jacob since I was just a little girl. They are two of the best people I've ever been so fortunate to know and call my family. So, please, don't threaten to cause them or yourselves anymore pain than has already happened. Don't you both want what it best for Clarissa? I can assure you that what's best for her is right here in Washington with her father. He loves her so much. I know you can already see that. She is his world. His whole universe and there's nothing he wouldn't do for her. Please, I'm just asking you to both reconsider your position with this before causing so much hurt for everyone involved."

Charlie gently put an arm around my shoulders then and added his two cents in.

"This is my girl and I know that I would be devastated if I ever lost her, so while I understand that you've both lost something irreplaceable, what Bella just said is nothing but the truth. You should listen to her."

**A/N: Thank you for reading and for all your wonderful reviews. Look for another two chapter update tomorrow. Till then :-)**


	42. Chapter 42

**CHAPTER FORTY-TWO**

**(BPOV)**

Peter looked utterly ashen from my words, his lack of response leaving us all locked there on the porch in an uncomfortable silence while we waited for one of them to speak.

"I see that you're very much invested in the welfare of Clarissa, nurse Swan? It's good to know that she's been in good hands." He soon hedged.

"Clarissa is in good hands with her father as well. His investment is what counts. Can't you see that?" I replied.

Judy shot a sharp look in peters direction, one that was easy to read as a warning, but he didn't seem to heed it.

"No, I beg to differ-"

"Excuse me?" I gasped to him in return.

"How long is it you say you've known Jacob?"

"For years. Since I was little-"

"Well then, I'm sure that I'm correct in assuming you know about the lifestyle on the reservation they have?" Peter hedged. "The modest and simplistic way of living they've grown so accustomed to."

"Peter, please. Let's not do this here. It's only going to upset the situation further." Judy pleaded.

"Bella, our main concern is for her well being." Peter reiterated.

"I understand that but as I said before, Jacob is a wonderful father and despite the loss you've suffered from Lillians sudden passing, I think you should strongly reconsider before going forward with anything." I countered, unable to hide the edge in my tone with him.

"We are not here to doubt his abilities in caring for her, but rather to be sure she has the upbringing she deserves. The advantages only our family could give her."

"She will have the upbringing she deserves." Billy solidly stated to him, wheeling forward and placing himself next to me.

"I won't pretend to be ignorant to the fact that we stand a very little chance, if proceeding to the courts, of gaining any kind of guardianship over her-..."

"...but you're going to try anyway, aren't you?" Charlie huffed irately, crossing his arms over his chest again. "Unbelievable."

"Come on, Judy. We need to get going. It will be dark in a few more hours." Peter stated, gesturing for his ex wife to follow him out to the flashy Mercedes Benz parked in the drive.

"This is how you're going to leave things?" Jacob huffed out then in disbelief, his steps forward leery when he noticed how Judy became inconsolable at the mere sight of Clarissa in his arms.

"We will do whatever is necessary to be part of her life." Peter arrogantly clarified. "You can count on that and you would do well to lawyer up."

His words made me see red and I let my anger get the best of me when I pushed past Charlie and approached them.

"What are you trying to do here? You really want to settle this in some angry court dispute?! Can't you be more civil and have some compassion? You may have lost your daughter, and for that, I am beyond sorry, but Jacob just lost his wife. All of you have suffered enough already. Why on earth would you want to add to that pain and heartache?"

Judy's gaze was glued to Clarissa and she didn't seem to hear my plea, her tears dripping steadily down her tired face, as she left Peters side and went to Jacob. Her words all ran together while she tried to speak through her raw emotion.

"I'm sorry, Jacob. I know Lillian loved you, and I know you lost her, too. I don't want things to be this way." She cried.

"Judy!" Peter yelled for her and she jumped at the harsh and demanding sound of his voice.

I saw the anger leave Jacobs face as he looked at Judy then, his gaze reflecting nothing but immense compassion for her and I suddenly had a sinking feeling that there was far more to Lillians parents divorce than was being told.

"I don't want that either, Judy. Of course I want you in her life." Jacob tensely admitted.

"Judy, I said lets go! We will see them in court!"

I cringed at Peters unforgiving tone with her and found myself growing angrier with him by the damn minute.

Judy timidly reached out toward Clarissa then and Jacob took another step closer to her, letting her caress Clarissa's cheek as she smiled.

"It doesn't have to be this way, Judy. You know I have nothing but respect for you. Clarissa needs her grandmother and I would never want to take that from her. Please, don't do this. Think of Lilly. Think of what she would have wanted." Jacob whispered to her, his sincere tone making my tears quickly return.

"I just want to know her. This isn't what Lilly would have wanted. I know that. Peter, we're going about this the wrong way." Judy stated, turning back to face the rest of us as she addressed her ex husband. "This is what killed our family all those years ago. Your need for constant control. All it ever did was hurt those around us and look at the pain it caused our daughter before she died. We never got the chance to make things right with her. She left home and fell in love and you never accepted it. You never accepted Jacob and his family here or where he came from. Instead, you tried to control who Lilly built a life with. You always made her feel small. Made her feel as if her choices were somehow not good enough in your eyes. There is more to this life than damn money, Peter! For shit's sake when are you going to learn that!? I refuse to do this with you. If you try to get the courts involved for our rights, I will go against you. Jacob is a good man. I know that because our daughter chose to love him and that's reason enough for me to already know his character. Shame on you for trying to say that the life he'll give Clarissa wouldn't be enough and shame on me for naively going along with it. No more."

Peter narrowed his seething gaze at her then and turned on his heel without another word, before swiftly running down over the steps and taking off in his Benz.

I turned back to see Jacob wrap a caring arm tightly around Judy as she hugged him and looked down at Clarissa.

"Proud of you, Bella. Real damn proud. You stood your ground with him and I think what you said really stuck with Judy." Charlie whispered, as we all headed back into the house.

"I hope so. For both of their sakes." I sighed, as he pulled me into a side hug and offered Judy something to drink. "We have some coffee in the kitchen if you're interested? Would you like some?"

"That sounds nice. Thank you, Chief Swan." She meekly replied.

"You can call me Charlie. Leave the chief out if you'd like." Charlie huffed with a chuckle, retreating to the kitchen with me as I poured Lilly's mother a fresh cup of coffee.

"Bella, thank you for saying what you did on Jacobs behalf with Peter." Billy added.

"You're welcome, Billy. I only said the truth."

"Well, seemed to be what they needed to hear."

"There's been enough hurt going around. Time for healing and that takes time. Hopefully, Judy will stick to her guns with Peter on this and her stubbornness will make him see reason." I replied.

"No court would take away Jacobs paternal rights. The guy is severely misguided if he thinks otherwise. For such a hot shot lawyer, you'd think he would know that." Charlie fumed, taking Judy's coffee out into the living room for her.

Judy stayed and visited with Clarissa for the better part of the remaining afternoon and when nightfall came, Jacob offered to give her a ride to the local bed and breakfast back in town and she agreed to stay there for the evening.

"I'll be back for Clarissa in an hour. Thank you, Bells. For everything." Jacob sighed, wrapping me in a hug after handing Clarissa to Billy.

Judy offered me half a smile as she reached her hand out for mine then.

"It was good to finally meet you, Bella. I hope to see you again soon?"

"Nice to meet you, too Judy. yes, that is the hope." I sincerely replied, noticing the way she intently studied my face with an awed expression. The sight of it made me remember the final few moments I had with Lilly after she passed and how the shared resemblance we carried must be hard for her mother to see right now.

I weakly returned her half a smile and walked to the door with Jacob.

"Good night, Bella."

Charlie stood by the window and watched as they left, his serious expression making me draw in closer to him.

"What are you thinking about all this? Care to share?" I hedged, seeing his brow furrow in response to my question.

"I think Judy's motives are pure. She's grieving something she can never get back and wants to be close to Clarissa but Peter's motives worry me more. They are for personal gain. A status qua to fill with Clarissa being his granddaughter. He doesn't want her growing up here in Washington with Jacob on the Reservation. A man like himself would find that kind of simplistic lifestyle offensive."

"You can't be serious. Who the hell does that?" I scoffed back. "What kind of an ass would judge someone based on where they live?"

"An ass like Peter Dawson. That's who." Charlie ground out. I'm going to make a few calls into the station. See what I can do."

"Do you think there's anything we can do to help Jacob if that's where this is headed? To the courts? I worry that it would be too much for him right now. He's going through enough. We have to beat him at his own game, dad. For Jacob. We owe that to him and to Clarissa."

"You know kid, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you were meant to be a cop instead of an ER nurse hearing you talk like that. You sound a lot like me." Charlie proudly bemused.

"Who knows, maybe in another life, that's what I would have been. I don't know." I truthfully replied.

"You being here for Jacob right now is what matters most to him. You know that?"

"I'm trying." I softly admitted.

"Have you decided when you're heading back to work? Do they know when to expect you?"

"I have until next Wednesday to go back, but I'd be lying if I stood here and told you it's not hard to think about. I didn't realize how much I missed home until I came back." I admitted.

"You're a damn good nurse, Bella. Any hospital would be lucky to have you. Remember that."

"I will, dad. Thanks for the confidence booster."

"Anytime, kid. Anytime." Charlie sighed. "I want you to stick around but only if that's what you want."

I finished getting dinner ready and gave Clarissa her last bottle before she fell asleep for the night, my gaze settling on her face and seeing so much of Jacob there in her precious features. I hunkered down in the rocking chair still placed by the sofa in the living room and quietly rocked her while she slept.

It wasn't long before I heard the house door open when Jacob returned from taking Judy into town, his gaze meeting mine while he took off his leather jacket and heard Billy call to him from the kitchen.

"Jacob, come in here for a minute?"

He sighed heavily and I couldn't help but think that he looked much the same as he did a week ago at Lilly's funeral, like the very weight of the entire world was on his broad shoulders. I saw the stress and tension in the way he carried himself into the kitchen, his warm brown eyes leaving mine as he went.

I laid my head back and closed my eyes, trying to ignore the muffled conversation taking place in there.

"I don't think that's needed right now, Charlie." Billy protested.

"Really, cause I've seen how damn fast this can all go South, Billy. I'm telling you, don't play this out in slow motion. Act now and get ahead of Peter before he has the chance to make the first move." Charlie retorted.

"I don't know, Charlie. I-I just need a nights sleep with all this. Can we talk more in the morning? It was a long day and-" Jacob wearily replied, his voice low with his exhaustion when he spoke.

"Hey, son. Say no more. I get it. Crash here and get some rest. Already getting late. We can hash this out better once you've had some rest."

Charlie turned out the kitchen light and made sure Billy was comfortable. before saying goodnight to us and turning in himself. Once the house was silent, I stopped rocking Clarissa and felt Jacobs warm hand come to rest on my shoulder. His breath hitched and I looked up to see the anxiety settle into his gaze with prominent weight.

"No one is taking her from you." I voiced then, as he knelt down in front of me with a dreaded sigh leaving him.

"What you said..."

"I meant it. Every word." I replied, timidly reaching out and running my fingertips through his jet black hair, the familiar move causing a memory to resurface of a time when he was under a gag order that he hated. Back to a time when we were both so unsure of everything around us and what it all meant.

"He could try for custody-..."

"It won't be granted to him, Jacob."

"He has a lot of money, Bells. He knows a lot of people." Jacob worriedly countered.

I caught his hand tightly in mine and tugged him forward with my reply to this.

"He won't win, Jacob. Doesn't matter how much money he has."

"I can't believe this is happening. Lilly would've never wanted any of this."

"I'm so sorry, Jacob."

He shook his head to me and carefully lifted Clarissa into his arms as he stared out the window into the darkness. Even though his back was turned to me, I could still see the shuddering in his frame and I noticed the heavy breaths he drug in while he tried to stem the fear that was steadily creeping its way in around him.

I stood from the chair and hesitated before reaching for him, my hands gingerly touching his shoulders and ghosting down his arms.

"Would it be selfish for me to tell you how relieved I am that you're still here?"

"No..." I replied, wrapping my arms around him from behind and stilling there when his breathing calmed in response. "I want to be here, Jacob."

**A/N: You guys I am so sorry that I didn't get the chance to update as promised yesterday. We had no internet and had to purchase and hook up a new router, but now all is well and back on track. Hope you enjoyed this new chapter. Two till be added tomorrow before the evening so stay tuned! Please leave a review and tell me your thoughts on Peter and Judy! :-) TILL NEXT TIME!**


	43. Chapter 43

**CHAPTER FORTY-THREE**

**(JPOV)**

I couldn't shut my mind off and I waited until everyone was asleep before I left Charlie's, the sight of Bella in the rocking chair still holding Clarissa while she slept, being the last thing I saw before I closed the door and bolted for the forest.

I needed to run like I needed the very breath in my lungs right now.

All I could think about was what Peter had said and how pissed I was from it. Billy was right about one thing, Peter had always been about money and social status, it was what played such a crucial part in his severed relationship with Lilly in the first place. Pair that with the drinking and the abandonment he always left her reeling from, and their father/daughter bond couldn't have been more damaged.

There was a release I couldn't put words to that came from being in the wild when life felt like it was all too damn much.

I made fast time to the Lumber Yard and slowed my run when I heard Sam phase in.

_"Didn't expect to see you till the dawn. Thought you were running the border shift with Paul?"_ Sam asked in a huff my way.

_"I still am."_ I snarled back, seeing him halt his advance toward me when he heard the sharpness in my responding tone.

_"What's going on?" _

_"I just came from Charlies. Judy and Peter finally showed up." _I admitted.

_"What? Did they finally get word about Lilly?"_

_"Yeah, they came with a mission in mind. Peter's threatening to take me to court for custody of Clarissa!"_

_"You can't be serious!"_ Sam huffed in reply. _"What the hell is he thinking?"_

_"I don't fucking know, Sam."_

_"There's no chance in hell-"_ He angrily countered. _"He's fooling himself."_

_"I hope so. I really do. He thinks she deserves more. That her upbringing would be better if it was in some big city. It's all about money."_

_"What do you need from us? You know we're in your corner, Jacob. Through and through."_

_"I appreciate that, Sam. Charlie is already on it. He thinks we should get ahead of Peter while we still can. I just had to get out of that house for a little while. Clarissa is asleep with Bells."_

_"How is she doing?"_ Sam asked.

_"She's done so much for Billy and I."_

_"You know she wants to be here for you. Seems like her presence back here has done some real good for Charlie, too."_ Sam hedged in reply.

_"Yeah, it has. Charlie's happier now than I've seen him in a long time and he's even growing close to Clarissa. I'm not used to seeing that side of him. Makes Bella happy to see it. I can tell."_

_"Listen Jake, don't worry about Peter. He doesn't stand a chance with this in the courts. You're a great, dad. Hold strong to that. Don't let that pompous ass place doubt in you."_ Sam huffed loudly.

_"He's got a lot of power to wield and a lot of money."_

_"None of that matters."_ Sam countered.

_"Thanks, bro."_

_"I did some digging around with the Elders earlier this morning about the removed imprint. They didn't have as much knowledge to offer up as I was hoping they would but they did tell me there could be a link between Bella's suffering and the removal of the imprint from years ago."_

I turned my head his way and saw his wolf gaze meet mine with this. He had my devout attention.

_"There is a link? What does that mean and why are they picking and choosing what to tell you? I don't like all the secrecy, Sam. What gives?"_ I replied to him in frustration.

_"I'm not a fan of it either, but you know how they work. It's like pulling teeth to get anything useful out of them. Believe me- I tried with a meeting for over an our. I left with a bigger headache then when I arrived and not one straight forward answer."_

_"Where the hell does that leave us? Back where we started?"_ I dismally countered.

_"Possibly but I think some of the pieces are falling into place better than they were before."_

_"I can't do the fucking riddles right now."_ I testily replied then with a huff._ "Do they think our proximity can help heal her or not? I need to know."_

_"They do." _He firmly huffed my way.

I glanced toward the way that lead back to Charlie's and Sam easily followed my thoughts.

_"You want her to stay here, don't you? There's no shame in it. She's part of you. Always has been."_

_"You know where my shame comes from."_

_"Yeah, but I also know that Lilly wouldn't want you carrying that around with you."_

_"I know."_ I huffed in frustration.

_"Does Bella still plan to leave next week? Head back to Maine?"_

_"I'm not so sure. Charlie let me know that he saw one of her texts to Callie. He said it was something about her not wanting to go back just yet. I don't know what to think of it. She has her whole life there-"_

_"...and you're here."_ Sam stated in reply. _"If you ask me, I think her leaving you behind is something that's really hard for her to contemplate doing again. Especially right now. What if she truly wants to stay? Would you want that?"_

_"Of course I would. As long as she was at peace with that decision."_

_"You know Bella. She doesn't do anything she doesn't want to. You just have to trust and her believe her when she tells you that this is where she wants to be. Clarissa seems to have taken to her already."_ Sam thoughtfully replied.

_"She really has. She's comfortable with her when I'm gone and that makes leaving her a little more damn bearable. I know she's happy and in good hands."_

_"The two of you need each other and I for one, hope she sticks around."_

_"Me too, Sam."_ I truthfully stated, turning away from him as I headed back into the snowy and darkened forest, the two of us going our separate ways then.

_"See you in a few more hours, bro." Sam huffed out over his shoulder as we tore off in opposite directions._

_"I'll be here."_

I pushed my legs until they burned and embraced the heat that roamed over me as I weaved around the trees.

Bella being close by had mended something in me that I'd left broken for a long time and now that I knew what that felt like with her again, I didn't want to let her go and have things return to the way they were.

When I quietly crept back into Charlie's, my breath caught in my throat while I closed the house door and saw Bella fast asleep on the couch with Clarissa, the two of them looking so peaceful that I didn't have the heart to wake them.

My fathers voice was what startled me then.

"She moved from the chair a little while ago. She tried to wait up for you but she was simply too tired. I told her you could be out till dawn so-" Billy informed me from across the way.

"Did Clarissa settle back down okay?"

"Yeah, barely moved when Bella got up. Still sleeping like a rock. How was your run?"

"Brief but good. I saw Sam and he told me he still has a lot of unanswered questions for the elders. He's going to the council tomorrow. I'm not sure it will do him any good, but he's going to try." I sighed.

"I'll put in a call in the morning and see what I can do to help him with that." Billy countered.

"Thanks."

"I want you to know that I don't blame you for being angry with me like you have. My actions were wrong and I am truly sorry."

"I need some more time with it, dad. I won't lie but I do forgive you." I tensely replied.

"I love you, Jake."

"I love you, too dad. Get some rest."

I tucked the blanket in around Bella and Clarissa, and stretched out on the end of the sofa, listening to the stillness of the house while I thought of Sams words.

My tired gaze soon settled on the two of them, and I found it impossible to look away. There was nothing I wanted more than for Bella to stay.

**A/N: (Long Authors Note This Time) Hey guys, sorry for the shorter update. I had every intention to get up way more chapters than this. but due to things being just absolutely crazy with all the sickness going around, not too mention the abrupt schedule changes for me this week, that made updating so hard and I am sorry. This weekend will be so much better for updating. I am truly doing my best. Till then :-)**


	44. Chapter 44

**CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR**

**(BPOV)**

I got the unexpected call on my cell before the sun had risen and it startled me when Tina's voice came through on the other end of the static filled line.

"H-Hello?"

"Bella! Oh, I'm so glad you picked up. Natalie has been trying to reach you since late last night but she said it was going straight to voicemail. Is your service bad out that way or something?"

I struggled the make sense of her words as I sat up and threw the heavy blanket off my legs, my sleep filled gaze catching sight of Jacob sitting in the rocking chair with Clarissa.

"Tina? What time is it?"

"Almost six. I'm sorry to call you so early, but it was urgent. All those people and we don't have enough hands or machines. We're drowning in here."

"Alright, slow down. What's going on?"

I saw Jacob look my way with clear concern when he heard this as I rushed to get to my feet.

"There was some kind of horrible animal attack last night. By Hamlin Peak. On the very peak. I've never seen anything like it, Bella. In all my time as an EMT. Dozens of casualties. The rangers are saying it's bizarre for those parts and if you could see some of these injuries. I mean, it's unreal. Unhuman even."

"Tina, are you at Pen Bay right now?" I replied, feeling the blood leave my face at her words.

"Yeah, I'm just coming off a fifteen hour shift. I can hardly see straight but I made it through." She admitted as my face paled while she hurriedly continued. "I don't know what kind of animal could do this-"

Jacobs gaze narrowed when he overheard her and I saw his observant eyes darken when they met mine.

"Was Natalie trying to call me back in? Is that what she wanted?"

"Yeah, we need you to come home, Bella. We really do. Things are falling apart here. There's just not enough hands around this place and our patient care is really suffering as a result. The phones have been ringing off the hook since mid day yesterday. People have been terrified and asking what to do and we need you back. Callie was too timid to ask this of you but I'm not. Please get on a plane and come back home. This place needs you. We need you."

"How many more have been brought in since last night? What are the numbers? Do you know?"

"At least ten, maybe more. I'm not sure. It's madness around this place and then with this new virus going around."

"The one they were prepping and briefing us all for back in early November? That same one?" I worriedly asked her in return.

"Yes, there's been six confirmed cases so far, Bella. Some of the airports are shutting down travel entirely. You need to act now if you want to get back to Maine cause I don't think you'll have a way back in another week. Haven't you seen the news? It's insane!"

Her voice was truly panicked and it frightened me because I had never heard Tina panicked like she was right now. That was really saying something. I slowly turned away from Jacob as he drew near while Clarissa continued to sleep soundly in his arms.

I grabbed the remote from the coffee table and eagerly flipped on the local news station, my eyes going wide when I saw the headline running across the screen there in bold red lettering.

_Several airport closures nationwide in wake of new virus spread._

"Tina, I'll call you back."

"I know you want to stay there, but I'm not blowing this out of proportion here. There are patients out in the halls waiting to be seen and the entire ER is nearly on lockdown."

"Okay, I hear you. I will call you back." I replied, ending the call and listening to the news report as my stomach dropped to the floor.

Charlie and Billy came out with curious looks my way as I stared at the TV.

"What's going on, Bella?" Charlie hedged. "Sue just sent me a text that she and the kids are coming over for breakfast."

"I can't." I sighed. "That was Tina on the phone just now. There's been a severe shortage of hands and Pen Bay is struggling. They need all nurses on deck. I have to go, dad. I'm so sorry."

I headed for the stairs and paused when I heard Jacobs footsteps following fast behind me.

"Bells, wait."

"I can't stay, Jake. I have to go back. They need me. It's my job. People are hurting."

"What was Tina saying about an animal attack on that mountain?"

His words made ice trickle down my spine and I shook away the thought that came to my mind then as I hastily threw my clothes into the half open duffle.

"I know what you're thinking but that doesn't mean-" I argued.

"But it could be-"

"We have bears and coyotes in Maine. The forest is rich with wildlife in most of those parts. This is probably a Winter hiking trip gone horribly wrong. I'm not going to jump to the worst."

"Bells-..." Jacob sighed, his hand catching mine as I tried to zip up the duffle. "I know there's so much left up in the air- and so many things unsaid-... but you don't know what they're dealing with back home and that scares the hell out of me for you. So, please, let me come with you?"

I froze there at his offer, the sound of it more like a plea when he raised his head and steadily held my gaze.

"You have to be here-..." I stated.

"-and you're life is there. I get that, but this isn't permanent and-"

"You're dealing with enough." I countered.

"I can't have you gone like that. Like it was before. I just can't, Bells." He ground out, releasing my hand with a frustrated huff.

"There's too many unknowns, Jake. With this new virus, planes could be grounded for days or weeks even. Your whole life is tied here. With the pack."

He shook his head, his face filling with a tangible dread as he mulled over the facts.

"I could make the run back in wolf form. No different than the pack did for me after the accident. It would be exhausting, but I could do it. You and I both know that the chances of a gruesome attack like Tina described being caused by nothing more than an animal, is not in our favor. It could be something else. Something I can't have you miles and miles away from me if that's what we're dealing with. I know you can take care of yourself. That you don't need me to be there but I want you safe. I_ need_ you safe."

I saw his firm swallow as the two of us stood there wordlessly staring at each other with no real answer that either one of us wanted to hear in this moment. We were at a standstill and I struggled to separate my heart from my head because there was that still small voice in my head that said..._ "Let him go with you._"

**A/N: To my dear readers, I truly apologize for the much shorter update tonight, but I hope this chapter finds you well :-) As you all know, things have been nuts lately. For the next two weeks, I will be homeschooling my daughter due to her school and several others state wide that are now closed till the end of the month. I will be trying my very best to update regularly during this time and I greatly appreciate your understanding and patience. Please, stay safe and be well! New chapter tomorrow before the end of the day. Please review and tell me your thoughts. Love hearing from you. Do you think Jake should make the trip with Bella? Till Then... xoxoxoxo**


	45. Chapter 45

**A/N: To all of my treasured readers out there, I want to start this long overdue chapter tonight with an authors note. So, here it goes, in all the time I have been writing for Fanfiction, I've never written a chapter where my chest is so heavy with the palpable anxiety in the air as I am doing right now. It's hard to take a deep breath with all the chaos surrounding us at every turn these days, but somehow writing is a comfort to me and I hope that reading this chapter will prove to take your mind off things. If only for a little while. I went back and forth on whether or not to incorporate the current events of our time into this plot and in the end, I decided it could add to the overall storyline without feeling too heavy for you my valued readers. So with all that being said, I want you to know that I'm always here if any of you need someone to PM just to talk to. Also, I will be diligently working to put up three more chapters between now and Sunday, so look for those to be posted. Now on with the chapter.**

**CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE**

**(BPOV)**

We secured one of the last remaining flights to Maine and by the time we landed, I was already full of a nervous energy that made my heart pound and my skin crawl. The airport was so overwhelmingly packed, you could barely move around all the many people jammed between terminals and waiting in endless lines that went on forever. Everyone was engaged in their own separate conversations and the madness made it hard for me to draw in a breath. It was pure chaos. There was shouting and swearing. Grown men throwing fits at the front desk over not being able to get a flight out. Never before had I seen such pandemoneum. What the hell was going on? How had this happened so fast?

I'd only been gone a few weeks and everything felt turned upside down.

"Bells, this way." Jake called from beside me, his hand slipping through mine as he tugged me out of the crowd and toward the exit. "Come on."

Clarissa had been a real trooper through it all, and I inwardly cringed at the thought of her being exposed to all these people, the mass of them large and with us not knowing just what we were dealing with here and who was most susceptible to it's harm. The only calm that came to me was from the knowledge that given Jacobs genetic makeup, he'd passed some of that healing ability onto his little girl, and that gave her an extra line of defense that worked in her favor. I could only hope for as much.

"This is freaking insane. What the hell."

"Stay close." Jake hedged to me in reply.

It was dark when we finally made it to my quaint home on Swan Lake, the untouched pile of mail at my door making me sigh heavily when I picked it up and rifled through the endless bills. I unlocked the front door and tossed my bags down as I helped Jacob inside with Clarissa and their things.

"Your phone is ringing. Again."

"I got it." I quipped, reaching in my Jacket pocket and answering Tina's fifth call.

"Have you landed?" She worriedly asked.

"Yes, we just got to the house. I have to unpack and-"

"You don't have time for that. Get in here." Tina argued, her stressed tone evident.

"Alright, I'll be right in."

Jacob looked toward the empty fireplace and gestured to the logs stacked next to it, his gaze briefly lingering on Clarissa in her carseat before he hunkered down in front of it.

"I'm sorry, it's been a while since I even used that thing. I know it's freezing in here."

"It's okay, Bella. I'll get it going. Should put off some heat before too long."

"Thank you. Tina needs me to go in right away. She's been saying it's getting bad there. They need help. I hate to leave you already-"

"I understand."

"There's still some food that should be good in the fridge and pantry. I'll stop at the market before I come back and get some things. I'm really sorry."

"Don't be. They need you. I get it. Clarissa and I will be just fine here." Jake sincerely replied.

"Thank you for coming here with me." I softly stated, seeing him turn my way with a nod.

"I wanted to be here with you. Thank you for letting me come. I know it was last minute and all."

"To be honest, I'm really glad that you're here. I'll be back soon. Feel free to make yourself at home. What's mine is yours. You know that."

He offered me half a smile and a wave then, as I headed back out into the cold and quickly drove to Pen Bay.

I wasn't all the way in the door before Natalie saw me coming and nearly dropped her clipboard and came running my way. The emergency room was plum full. Shoulder to shoulder with people who all wore masks and looked anxiously in our direction.

"You're here! Thank goodness."

"What the hell is happening!?" I exclaimed, whirling around to see her wide eyed stare as she thrusted a clipboard into my hands.

"These are all check ins and the number is quickly growing! Bella, the whole damn state is threatening to shut down. It's some strain of a new virus and everyone is panicking. Our rooms and beds are already eighty percent full and there's many more still waiting to be seen! Dr. Niles is in trauma room one with a head wound and four of the other scheduled nurses have called out from this. We are more than just a little short staffed."

Her hurried explanation made my head spin as I dropped my things behind the nurses desk and got to work.

"We're doing a quarantine on grant four!" Dr. Niles declared from behind me then. "Nurse swan is good to have you back. Thanks for coming in on such short notice."

"Of course. Where do you need me most?"

"Stay here in the E.R. and start charting as many of these patients as you can. We've been keck deep in this for four days now. Its only getting worse. Do what you can." He replied, before rapidly disappearing down the hall with his critical patient and the team of nurses following right alongside him.

I saw one patient after the other, assessing their symptoms and doing the needed swabs for testing of influenza on nearly all of them. The charts were stacking high and I struggled to keep up as we got more buried with every passing hour. By the time dawn broke, I looked to an exhausted Tina as she jogged my way after another drop off.

"You made it! I'm so glad to see you here! You have no idea." She sighed, wrapping me in a hug. "I've never seen anything like this."

"We need to keep our heads about us, Tina. Panicking won't help anyone. Especially the patients who need us most. Have you even eaten in the last twelve hours?"

"No, but I probably should. I just haven't had time." She admitted, pulling me aside. "Listen, Bella. We brought in two more animal attack victims this morning. One of them didn't survive."

I paused with the half filled out chart in my hand and met her alarmed gaze.

"Another one?"

"Yeah, guy poor didn't stand a chance. Whatever attacked him, went for the jugular first. His fiancé is still in critical care. She may not make it. They were the last of the hikers on that mountain."

I tried to form a response but couldn't find the right words. The sinking feeling in my gut grew worse when she got another call to head back out in the rig. I reached out for her arm before she could sprint for the bay.

"Tina, be careful out there. Things are maddening right now." I warned her.

"I will, Bella. See you in a bit. Good to have you back. Did Jake come with you?"

"Yes, he's at my house with Clarissa. Hopefully, he's comfortable. I didn't give him much time to adjust before leaving."

"I'm sure he's okay and that he understands. Watch your back in here. People are acting crazy."

I watched her signal to her shoe in partner then, who looked more scared than some of the patients in here right about now, as he followed her out into the awaiting ambulance.

"Excuse me?" A small voice then spoke from behind me.

"Yes?" I replied, looking to the middle aged woman with blood smeared heavily across her sweater. she looked dazed and confused as she glanced around the ER. "Ma'am? Are you alright? Have you been hurt?"

"No, I-I- I think I'm in the wrong place- Do you know where the coffee shop is? It used to be just down the street." She stammered, turning her head as the blood dripped down her face from the deep gash above her temple. "Can you help me find it?"

"Why don't you come over here and sit down with me?"

I took her by the hand and sat her down on one of the empty stretchers that lined the hallway, my eyes narrowing to get a better look at the gash she had.

"What's wrong with me?" She worriedly asked.

"Take a few deep breaths for me. What's your name?"

"Jennifer Simmons." She calmly stated to me in return.

"It's nice to meet you Jennifer. My name is Bella and I'm going to help you find what you're looking for. Just as soon as we tend to that gash first. Can I ask what happened here? Where did you get this?"

"My husband has a bit of a temper. It's not his fault, really." She timidly explained.

"I see." I replied, firmly swallowing down the stomach churning acid from the anger that made my skin flush from it. "I'm sorry to hear that. Did he hit you, Jennifer?"

"No, I just lost my balance. I do it all the time."

Her sudden change in story made me note her confusion as I stitched her wound and hurriedly ordered a CT for her.

"We can sit in here and wait for the doctor to come in. He'll check you over and then we can take a closer look to be sure we're not missing anything. Do you know what year this is?"

"Yes, it's um... well-..." She struggled.

"It's alright."

"I know I'm all mixed up."

"We all have those days." I assured her.

"Are you married?" She thoughtfully inquired while I placed the last few notes in her chart.

"No, I'm not married."

"Well, if you were then you would know how men can be difficult. I was taught from an early age to do what I was told. I just didn't think love was meant to be this way."

I drew in a breath and turned my head sharply in her direction at the sound of her quavering tone.

"Jennifer, we have people here who can talk to you. People who genuinely care and who would love to help you."

"I've heard that before." She cried and I handed her a tissue. "You don't understand. Men are not easy to please."

"Does your husband do this a lot?"

"No, and I've already said too much." She sighed, getting to her feet and grabbing her coat.

"Wait, please. You don't have to leave. The Doctor will be in shortly. I assure you." I replied.

"It won't do any good, but thank you. I hope that when you find love one day, it won't look like this for you."

She didn't bother to say anything else as she left despite my offer to help her. There were parts of this job I hated and this was certainly one of them.


	46. Chapter 46

**CHAPTER FORTY-SIX**

**(BPOV)**

The hospital was a mad house and with the quarantine we had in place on grant four, it only made things that much more hectic. Everyone wanted answers and we simply didn't have any to give right now. There was a select team of nurses all standing by the door who were screening those who entered the hospital for any slight detection of fever and not allowing them in. This made many angry and they began to outrage unfairly at the nurses in response.

"Hey! I am not leaving here unless I see my grandmother! She had surgery and she's expecting to see us! I don't have a fever! Your thermometer is broken!" The man from the entrance yelled, as he tried to shove his way past Natalie.

"Listen! I am sorry, sir. This is the new protocol and-"

"I don't give a shit what your protocol is! Let me through!" He yelled.

Roman asserted himself then, stepping up behind Natalie with a warning in his voice.

"You need to step back. I am not going to tell you twice." Roman stated.

"This is ridiculous." The man raged back.

I stood there at the nurses station watching the scene unfold as the man continued to try and shove his way past Roman.

"This is getting out of hand." Natalie soon stated, the nervousness in her voice easy to hear.

"Don't worry, Nat. You know how things like this go. Always worse before it gets better."

"I forgot to tell you that you got a phone call a little while ago. There's a message I write down for you by the phone there."

I rounded the corner of the desk and saw the yellow post it note she'd stuck there for me with her scribbling on it.

"Did Jake say he needed me to call him back? How long ago did he call?"

"About thirty minutes ago. He mentioned something about calling back later."

I sighed and picked up the phone in front of me, my finger pressing down on the call out digit and dialing the number I knew by heart. He picked up after the fourth ring.

"Hey Bells, was hoping you'd call back before the end of your shift."

The sound of his warm voice was a comfort to me I couldn't describe right now.

"Hey, I didn't know you tried to reach me a while ago. I'm sorry. Is everything alright? You and Clarissa fairing okay there without me?" I asked.

"Yeah, we're doing just fine. She's been down for the count since dark. She seems to like it here. Your place is comfortable. You've done a lot to it. Proud of you, Bells."

I silently nodded and glanced toward the erratic commotion at the entrance, his compliment making me smile despite the chaos surrounding me.

"Thanks, Jake. I appreciate that. Means a lot to me coming from a skilled one like yourself."

"Are you hanging in there okay at work?" He asked, his tone sincere with worry now.

"It's a bit rough in here, but we're managing. I'll be heading out in an hour or so. Need anything from the store?"

"No honey, I'm good."

"Okay, I'll see you soon then."

"See you then." He replied, ending the call as I lingered there on the line a moment longer before hanging up.

I saw three more triage cases before dawn crept in. I hurried to finish the notes in the rest of my charts before placing them on the nurses desk and catching sight of Dr. Niles as he overlooked them.

"Headed out nurse Swan?" He asked, taking off his white coat.

"Yes, I am heading home. Crazy night wasn't it? I don't think anyone was prepared for this right now." I replied, heading for the exit as he joined me.

"Care if I escort you out this morning? Crowd is a little rough out there. Better to be safe than sorry." He inquired, taking off his thick framed glasses.

"That's nice of you." I replied.

"Don't mention it."

We barely made it outside, thanks to Roman and Johns help, before we were bombarded with questions. I felt suffocated as all the many family members began pulling at us and begging us for answers of when they would be allowed back into the hospital.

"Listen, we don't have the answers you're look for right now. I'm very sorry, but please just try to be patient with us and we'll update you as soon as we know anything further. The best thing you can do for the time being is go home to your houses and to your families. Hunker down there and wait."

The shouting got worse as we tried to move away from the crowd and soon Roman had to interfere again so we could make our way to the parking garage.

"Bella, you should know that a lot of hospitals nation wide are experiencing a huge shortage of nurses and they are recruiting some elsewhere. I've had three calls so far concerning you and a few others."

I paused by my car and looked at him in confusion at his words.

"I didn't know we were at that level yet? I'm honored but I want to be right here. With my own. If further into this thing, that's what we need, then I'll go. Of course I will. That's my job and I want to be where I'm needed the most."

"I understand and I will definitely keep your name in the running if that happens to be the case in a few weeks, which if I'm being honest, I think there is a real good chance of it. So be ready." He admitted.

"I'll keep that in mind, Dr. Niles."

"Please, Bella. We've been working together for long enough now. Call me Derik. Really, it's alright."

"Alright then, Derik." I softly countered.

He took out his keys and pointed toward the black Audi parked only two rows ahead of mine with half a smirk.

"Well, I'll be seeing you tonight for your shift. Get some rest and I look forward to working with you then. Maybe once this all settles down, we can get together for a drink? Would be nice to get to know you a little better outside of work." Dr. Niles replied with a nod my way.

His question caught me off guard and I stammered in response. "Doctor Niles, I- I mean, Derik. I'm not sure about-..."

"Sorry if that was a bit forward of me, Bella. Didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. That truly wasn't my intention."

"You didn't, I'm just not in a place to start anything romantically or emotionally for that matter. I apologize but it's the truth."

"That's alright. I hope to change your mind though. I don't give up easily. See you later on, Bella. Be safe on your way home." He casually stated to me in reply.

"I'll be seeing you then."

He headed toward his car without a backwards glance and I watched as he pulled out of the garage with a wave to me.

I drove through town, soon seeing the waiting line already growing at the local market before the doors has even opened. I stood among them, noting the anxious looks they all shot my way when they saw my attire of scrubs. I kept my distance and clutched my phone tightly in my hand while I nervously waited for them to open the store.

This was going to be a long few days.

**A/N: Hope you enjoyed this update and feel free to review. Thank you for your patience with me. It's been a very long and tiring week already. I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed. Till Next Time. Please stay safe and home with your families and take care.**


	47. Chapter 47

**_A/N: Let me start this authors note to you all by saying that first and foremost, I truly hope and pray that all of you are safe and sound with your families at home. It has been a really dificult six weeks for sure and I apologize for not posting any updates during this time. Today is the first day that I've been able to sit down and clear my mind enough to focus on this story and put up a new chapter for you. With that being said, I want to thank you so much for the caring messages I have received out of concern in my absence. God Bless you all for your caring hearts and I am thinking of you. Please, don't hesitate to reach out if you need someone to talk to. I know that times are especially hard for everyone right now and I want you to know you are on my heart and mind. On a much lighter note, I am more than happy to be back at writing this story. I will be continuing on, so look for updates on a regular basis again. I sincerely hope this chapter finds you well and I look greatly forward to your thoughts in a review. Take care and until next time... stay safe._**

**CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN**

**(BPOV)**

I tore the suffocating mask from my face with trembling fingertips and blankly stared out at the empty halls ahead of me, the silence of the midnight shift now crawling heavily over my skin while I thoughtfully pondered the events of the past few weeks.

I'd seen more madness, more destruction, in that short time than I had in my whole career, and as the sun began to peer brightly in through the windows by the nurses station, I let out a ragged breath and tossed the offending mask now clutched tightly in my hand into the nearby trash.

My shift was over and the dawn of a new day was fast approaching. I was more than ready to leave this place behind for the upcoming weekend. I needed a break like I needed air. I glanced up and caught the tired grin on Natalie's face just then as she laid the chart in her hands down.

"About time for you to leave, isn't it? I don't think I've seen it this quiet in here since the start of this whole damn thing. It's been absolutely crazy."

"Yeah, I'm heading out. Doesn't seem possible we've been this dead in here today, does it? Seems weird and a little eerie if I'm being truthful." I admitted to her, grabbing my things from behind the desk, and taking note of the piling triage charts that still needed to be tended to. We'd been flooded now for days like this.

"Oh no you don't." Natalie sternly warned. "You've put in your twelve hours. You don't need to stay and finish these and besides, I think you have something waiting at home for you that's far better than staying around this place another hour. Get going."

I felt the smile form on my lips at the mention of Jacob and Clarissa, the thought of going home to them enough to make my heart warm after another long day here.

"You have a point there." I softly countered to her.

"You know, Jon and Roman are still asking if he wants to do that training for the new position? Think maybe he'll stick around these parts once some of the flight bans are lifted?"

I shrugged nonchalantly to her in response to this and continued to steadily gather my things. Little did Natalie know that flight restrictions didn't hold Jacob the same way it did most other people. He had already made two runs back to Washington since the outbreak began, leaving Clarissa with me while he was gone, and was planning a third soon if some of the lockdowns continued to linger. His heart was with Billy and the pack and I couldn't blame him for that. It was never initially part of the plan to be grounded here in Maine with me for as long as he had. Life had seemingly halted right where we were and only now that the number of cases were rapidly declining, did there appear to be a bright light forming at the end of this long tunnel.

It was about time.

"I don't think he plans on staying. His family is in Washington-..." I finally stated.

"...and you're here. You can't tell me that doesn't count?"

I returned her tired smile then and zipped up my tote, my own eyes feeling a little heavy from the long shift now.

"Have a good day, Natalie. Stay safe this weekend, alright? Stay home if you can. We're almost at the end of this."

"Sure thing and way to avoid the subject." She lightly teased me with a wave as I made my way to the exit.

"Bye Nat."

I drew in a deep breath of fresh air as soon as the double doors opened and the morning sun touched my pale cheeks. I stilled there briefly, basking in the warmth of the morning light and digging out my keys.

The drive home was full of the same desolate streets I'd grown used to since the outbreak began and I hesitated to switch on the radio when I turned onto my road. It was hard to even listen to some of the many and conflicting news reports at first, but now I was eager to learn of the recovery stats much of the nation was reporting these past few days.

I only got to hear half of the latest numbers before my little place came into view at the end of the winding roadway.

The snow was all but melted as an unexpected Spring like warmth began to creep into the state. It was out of character for these parts, but a welcome change nonetheless. My breath caught in my throat when my eyes landed on Jacobs shirtless form just beside my front porch. His back was turned when he raised the sharpened ax in his strong hands and split the thick piece of wood in front of him clean in half with one powerful swing. He swiftly added the pieces to the growing pile next to him before turning his head my way. He was quick to offer up a welcoming smile, and I eagerly returned it as the butterflies began to swarm around with abandon in my stomach.

I couldn't bring myself to look away as the suns rays beamed brightly against his toned chest, accentuating the rich russet hue of his smooth skin and taking my breath away.

Him being here with me had been the biggest blessing in disguise and I selfishly didn't want him to leave.

We'd somehow fallen into a routine together through all this, one that came so easily that it made me question whether or not I wanted to follow him back to La'Push or stay rooted where I was. Where I had been all this time.

I knew he couldn't stay here. Knew he had responsibilities to the pack and that they all needed him. Sam had stepped up in his absence and while Jacob was more than grateful to him for this, I could tell that he was truly homesick and missed his own land. Sam had also kept in touch daily, the two of them in near constant communication about the hikers that had been attacked last month, and just like they suspected, more of them had occurred not even a week later. Since then, Jacob had spent most of his nights in wolf form, patrolling around the Maine border until nearly dawn on the days I didn't have to work. He'd been vigilant to check the surrounding woods and always stayed close by and on watch till the sun rose again.

I felt my cheeks flush as his darkened gaze continued to hold my own.

We'd shared moments that set my heart racing. Moments that had me wondering what I would do when he was gone again and then there was sweet Clarissa. She had made me smile in ways I didn't know to be possible, in ways that reminded of what I had missed out on from not having children. That emptiness remained for me.

There were times my heart would beautifully break at the precious sound of her infectious giggle, and times when I would just silently watch her sleep at night while Jacob held her close to him.

I'd seen Jacob in so many forms since we were mere teenagers, but nothing touched me more than seeing him with Clarissa. He was a wonderful dad and his love for her was more vast than the ocean. It was beautiful to bare witness to and I hated to think of it all changing soon.

I was used to coming home and seeing them both here.

I didn't want to go back to the presence of an empty house. There was something so unsettling about that thought now.

Jacob soon split a few more pieces of wood, before he dropped the axe in his hands and headed my way when he noticed I hadn't got out of my car yet.

I shuddered as I recalled the many shifts where I'd pulled into the yard and didn't physically have the energy to even move. The utter chaos at work had eventually taken it's heady toll on me and I had sat here in tears, hoping I could pull myself together before I forced myself to get up and go inside. Try as I may, I couldn't hide any of it from Jacob. He would sit with me when I didn't have words to string together, when my mind was too full to form a single thought. He met me where I was and he was the shoulder I cried on when the fatigue became too much.

His constant and solid presence had been the very comfort I had needed in the middle of this crisis and when my body was so drained from all energy, Jacob had been the one to carry me to bed when his patrol of the woods was over.

I didn't know how to thank him for all he'd done.

I stared at him as he walked toward me, my gaze roaming down to his bare torso as he reached the car and opened my door for me.

He reached for me then, his warm fingertips sliding through mine as I stood and gazed up at him.

I had tried not to...

Promised myself that I wouldn't... That I shouldn't...

That there was no way...

But despite my best efforts, I had done exactly what I'd sworn I wouldn't...

I'd fallen in love with Jacob.


	48. Chapter 48

**(BPOV)**

**CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT**

The treat of warmer temperatures had been so nice these past few days but they had left us all too soon. I marveled at how fast the weather suddenly changed, as I gazed out my kitchen window and studied the huge snowflakes that were covering the previously bare ground in a layer of white. Living in Maine often meant that you got a taste of all four seasons, sometimes even in the same damn weekend no less. This was proving to be another one of those times.

"I felt this storm coming in late last night. When I was on my run. Didn't think it would come on this fast though. Tricky weather around here, huh?" Jacob observed, as he came in through the front door with another load of wood for the fireplace. He'd cut enough to last me the rest of the Winter months around here and I couldn't help but chuckle at his amused remark. I was used to this sort of sudden and abrupt change in the forecast after living here as long as I had but he wasn't.

"I know you're homesick. With any luck, things will get back to normal soon enough." I replied, pouring myself a hot cup of tea and soon noticing the solemn look that crossed his handsome face in response to hearing this from me.

"Can't say that I'm excited to get back to normal. I hate that word. So overrated." He truthfully sighed.

"Really? Overrated? How do you figure?" I countered.

"I just think some peoples definition of normal really isn't all that normal. It's just familiar to them."

I held his darkened gaze when he spoke this, his lingering stare causing me to swallow down my reply before it could escape me.

He was right and I had no rebuttal to offer up.

What I had once considered to be my everyday normal now felt somehow out of balance or out of place even. As if I no longer belonged. It was more than just a bit unsettling for me and I didn't know what to do with that yet.

"Maybe it's more than that. Maybe it's a sense of comfort rather than normalcy?" I timidly questioned.

"I think you're right." He hedged to me in return, while he tossed a fresh log onto the dimming fire ahead of us. I shivered from the cold that still crept into the walls of my tiny and crooked home, and took notice of Jacobs narrowing gaze when he turned toward the entry way.

"Some of these walls need more insulation. That's why it's so drafty in here. It would help to ward off the chill at night."

"Yeah, I know. That's one of the things I have yet to get to or afford. It's pretty pricey to have that done. My savings account isn't exactly overflowing." I chuckled to him with a shrug. "Maybe sometime in the Summer I can have it taken care of."

Jacob cleared his throat and reached for the blanket I had resting in the rocking chair adjacent to the fireplace. I stilled when he approached me then, his gaze sincere as he draped the afghan over my petite shoulders and nodded toward the nearest wall.

"You know, I could take care of some things for you while I'm here? If you want me to?"

"I don't expect you to do that-..."

"I really could use the side projects to keep my mind busy when you're at work." He softly admitted, his face falling some at my quick objection.

"On second thought. That might be nice not to have to worry about once you're back in Washington. The tools are all in the shed out front. I don't have much in there, but I'm sure you'll make them work for the job. Whatever's in there is yours for the taking." I quickly countered.

Jacobs smile was wide at this and I felt my heart warm at the way it reached his eyes this time. It was one of his true smiles and something I didn't see from him nearly enough anymore.

"You mean it? You wouldn't mind me doing some renovations around here?"

"I trust you, Jacob. Have at it. You're a craftsman at heart. I know whatever you do will only be an improvement so you have no true objections from me."

"Thanks, Bells." He huskily replied, the rich enthusiasm in his voice easy to hear now.

I curled up in the rocking chair, content to watch the fire as the mid day approached and the snow continued to fall. It wasn't long before Clarissa woke up from her nap, the sound of her fussing from the other room causing me to rise from the chair and head down the hall for her. Her eyes were still full of sleep when I scooped her up and placed a kiss to her cheek, before her head came to rest on my shoulder. I rocked her for a little while, and she went back to sleep just as Jacob came inside with some of the tools he'd managed to dig out of the abandoned shed in the front yard.

He stilled in the archway of the living room when he took in the sight of us there by the fire.

"She woke up a few minutes ago but I don't think she was fully awake yet." I sighed, gesturing down to her peacefully sleeping form.

"She's grown attached to you." Jacob gruffly stated.

I tightened my hold on her at this, my eyes sweeping over her beautiful face that was lit up from the fires warmth.

"Seems that way...-"

The silence in the room was heavy as I continued to rock sweet Clarissa back and forth, my eyes beginning to sting with tears as I glanced down at her.

I didn't want to think about what was coming in the weeks ahead because they wouldn't be here, and this house would once again feel all too empty each night. The holidays were coming and dread filled me at the knowledge of this. Christmas and New Years was just around the corner, and despite the unseasonable Spring like weather we'd been having this past week, the date on the calendar stood as a reminder that it was only December 22nd. Charlie had called me again a few hours ago, asking what my thoughts were on when the travel bans would be lifted. He wanted Jacob and I to be with he and Billy when the New Year rang in, and it was hard for me to tell him that I didn't think we would make it in time.

I struggled to keep my emotions at bay when I heard Jacobs footsteps on the wooden floor, as he crossed the room and hunkered down beside me, his expression unreadable when he spoke in a whisper to me.

"She's not the only one, Bells." He admitted, reaching out to caress Clarissa's flushed cheek.

"It's been nice having you guys here with me. I know that wasn't part of the plain, but-..."

"I wouldn't change it, you know? Pack duties aside. Being here with you has been more than just nice."

I smiled at him and watched as he headed for the bag of tools and began working on his first project in my house.

After a few minutes, he sheepishly looked my way with a mischievous smile playing on his full lips.

"You'd get better air flow in here if this wall was gone."

My mouth fell open at his suggestion and he laughed at my expression as he reached down for the old sludge hammer laying by his feet.

"You're serious?" I balked to him in disbelief. "A whole wall. That's like...-"

"Insane-"

"No, I was going to say bold." I laughed to him in reply. "but I'm completely open to some change so-..."

I saw the glint in his eyes as he gripped the sludge hammer and glanced back at me a final time. I stared at him, seeing the clear eagerness he wore to swing and yet the restraint he still held before taking any action. His body was rigid with the kind of tension I'd seen in him since Lillians death and it made me remember an article I once read at the hospital about how those who experience traumatizing grief often need some kind of physical outlet to vent that pain. In one way or another.

While it was true that Jacob had found solace in running the woods around these parts in wolf form at night, it was clear to see that right now that outlet came from being able to tear something physically apart and who was I to deny him that?

I raised an eyebrow to him and simply nodded as his gaze widened from my silent response.

"You'd really be okay with me tearing this wall down?"

I got to my feet, carrying Clarissa in my arms and pausing when I reached Jacobs side. I leaned up on my tip toes and heard his breath hitch when I gently placed a kiss to his warm cheek.

"I'm completely okay with whatever makes you feel better right now. Swing away, Jacob. I'll be in the other room making dinner. How does steak and baked potatoes sound?"

"Awesome." He huffed, watching me leave and being sure I was out of the way before he let loose the first swing, the sound of the sludge hammer breaking down the wall making me smile while I started pulling out the things I needed to make our dinner.

Cooking for more than just myself was something I had missed since I moved away from home. I placed Clarissa in her bouncer seat on the floor next to me and tended to the stove. Every once in a while I would listen as the sludge hammer fell to the floor after another round of Jacobs swings.

Despite the noise of it all, Clarissa didn't stir and when I heard the final drop of it, followed by an unsettling silence, I stilled the knife in my hands and stopped dicing the chives into small bits as the quiet lingered.

I waited only a few more seconds before I timidly headed for the living room.

Jacob stood there in the middle of the room with huge pieces of sheetrock that laid scattered all around at his feet, his face awash with both satisfaction and sadness mixed together as he stared blankly ahead.

"Jake?"

He didn't respond as I approached him. His hands were trembling and when his gaze met mine, I wrapped my arms around him and repeated my words to him from before.

"Whatever makes you feel better."

He silently pressed me to him then and in this world where nothing felt normal anymore, we'd somehow found shelter in each other.

**A/N: Thank you for reading and for all your well wishes. I truly hope you enjoyed this latest update and please be safe this weekend with your families. Thank you so much for your reviews and for all your support. Please leave a review with your thoughts! Till next time...**


	49. Chapter 49

**CHAPTER FORTY-NINE**

**(BPOV)**

I set the table for dinner and chuckled to myself at the sight of Jacobs wide eyed expression when he took in all the food that was laid out before him.

"I may have overdone it?" I mused, stealing a side glance his way while he washed his hands for dinner.

To be fair, I hadn't initially planned on cooking this much food, but as it turned out, Jacob wasn't the only one around here who needed an outlet for his stress these days. Cooking had always been my way of winding down and clearing my head of all other distractions. I loved finding and trying any kind of new recipe. It was my way of coping with things that were far out of my control in this crazy world.

Natalie had even gifted me one of her much raved about new tech devices as an early Christmas gift, and while I was anything but tech savy, I thanked her for the Amazon Echo and promised in good faith to put it to use somewhere at home. After carefully reading the instructions, Jacob had been nice enough to fix the router that had been broken for weeks prior and before I knew it, there was a womans voice calling out to us from the small round speaker now placed on my window sill in the kitchen. It took me a little longer to learn all that Alexa could do, and I was impressed when the sound of soft Jazz music started playing while I was putting the finishing touches on our meal.

I tried to keep my eyes on the grapes and cheese I was fixing to be plated, but with every loud bang that came from the living room, I found myself unable to look away.

Jacob had torn down the rest of the wall in no time, and he was quick to move on to his next project thereafter. Sweat soon began to drench through his thin t-shirt as he continued on tirelessly with his work. He swiftly pulled it off in irritation before he started letting lose again. I jumped at the sound of the sheetrock being savagely torn into with each of his solid blows, and paused when he suddenly stilled his movements and looked my way.

I felt the warm blush grace my ivory cheeks at the intensity of his stare and the butterflies I'd been trying to ignore, returned then with a vengeance.

His russet skin glistened by the fires glow from his exertion and I swallowed hard, as my gaze trailed down to the well defined six pack and toned chest now on display in my living room.

He was the perfect distraction and it unnerved me.

I soon broke his stare and returned my attention to our dinner preperation, my own skin feeling flushed when he gestured to the table.

"You made all this, Bells? Looks awesome. I don't think I've had a meal like this since-..."

His tone was unsteady when he spoke this and I merely nodded to him in return, knowing he couldn't finish his thought.

The two of us sat down across from each other, and it was not lost on me that I couldn't even recall the last time I had someone at this table to share dinner with.

I was so used to eating alone in the other room, curled up on the couch with a good book in my hands. This felt unfamiliar but somehow, it was a solid comfort for me.

Jacob was quick to spot the empty wine glasses that were placed in the center of the table. I mainly used them as display for décor more than anything else, but he didn't know that.

"I didn't know you cared for wine, Bells?" He huskily asked, before taking a huge bite of his medium rare steak.

"I've only used those glasses once. Not a big drinker." I replied to him with a small shrug. "Have you ever had wine?"

Jacob shook his head and offered me half a smile at this.

"No, Billy was more for the hard stuff. He preferred whiskey."

"Yeah, Charlie was like that, too. He always leaned more toward the beer over anything else."

"I think our dads always had that in common. Among other things." He replied, with a knowing look my way again.

"Well, wine is an acquired taste I guess. It's not for everyone."

Jacob grew silent upon my last remark and I saw some of the sadness creep back into his features.

"Thanks for letting me take that wall down. I'll put the tools away before it gets dark."

I took another bite of my potatoes and looked ahead toward the kitchen cabinets, most of them so old and outdated now, that they were already falling apart. This was yet another section of my house I had yet found the time to do repairs on.

"Who said I was done with your fix it projects?" I lightly teased him in return, seeing his head pop up from my admission.

"What do you mean? You have other things around here that need to be tended to?"

I pushed my plate aside and got to my feet, my hands busy with pulling out some of the drawers in my hunt for the loose piece of paper I had stashed away months ago that contained a detailed list of repairs this place needed. I had all but given up on it when it became clear I didn't have the funds to complete the lengthy list.

"Here...-" I soon sighed, pulling up a chair next to him and sliding the paper over his way.

Jacob put down his fork and paused his eating, his warm brown eyes roaming over my face and seeing the defeat written there before I gave him any further explanation. He took the list from the table and scanned over it.

"Mantle... -kitchen floor and cabinets... -upstairs bedroom window frame... -deck railing? This is what needs repair?"

"Yeah, I put the list together some time ago. Before life got in the way. My job doesn't leave me a whole lot of time to do much else so if you want to-... I mean- if you wouldn't mind-"

"I'd love to fix this stuff for you." He eagerly hedged.

"It's a lot and -"

"It's not. Really. Most of these jobs can be done in a day or less." He countered.

"I don't want you to feel obligated-"

"Bells, trust me when I tell you that you're doing me the favor here. Not the other way around." He softly stated, his tone making me halt my reply then. "I know it's not a small thing to trust someone else with your house."

"You're not just someone-" I softly countered, as I reached over for my abandoned dinner plate and began to cut into my steak.

"Means a lot to me, Bells."

We finished the rest of our meal while making another list of things he would need for some of the renovations around here and to my luck, we discovered the expense of it wouldn't be much.

"Where did you get this steak? It's seriously the best I've ever had." Jacob asked, while I gathered our empty plates and warmed Clarissa's bottle.

"From a farm about an hour away. They have a place for meat pick up. It's all fresh. I've gone through them for about six months. They have great service."

"Wow, really? What's the name of the farm?" He inquired then, his hand brushing mine when he helped me start the dishes.

"Jones and Brothers."

Jacob dropped the plate into the sink then, the sound of it harshly hitting the bottom causing me to jump as I noticed the paled expression on his face. He looked away from me, but I caught the flex in his jaw and reached for him.

"How far did you say the farm was from here?" He asked, his baritone swiftly changing with this.

"um- about seventy miles or so. They've been around for a long time."

He drew in a deep breath and picked up Clarissa from her seat to feed her, his silence on the matter leaving me unsettled while I filled the sink.

When Clarissa was done having a bath and ready for bed, Jacob handed her to me with a weary smile.

"Mind if I take a quick shower before she crashes for the night?"

"Help yourself. There should be plenty of hot water." I replied, wrapping a blanket around Clarissa and still seeing the rigidness in his stance from earlier.

"Thanks, Bells."

I watched the flames build in the fireplace as I pondered our conversation, trying to understand what could have him on edge like this but I came up empty.

Clarissa stared up at me, her eyes a mirrored reflection of his as I rocked her, the two of us sharing our own little conversation.

"You're daddy is a craftsman, you know?" I chuckled softly. "He's gifted and he has a way with building things. I envy him really. I couldn't nail two pieces of wood together if someone paid me to."

She reached up for me, gently wrapping her petite fingers in my hair like she often did these days while I continued on.

"You're daddy has always been good at fixing things. Just part of who he is. I'm sure you'll grow up to be just like him in that way. I know you're going through all kinds of new changes right now. You probably feel like nothing is the same as it was." I whispered to her, studying the intent way her gaze held mine. "You have the most beautiful brown eyes. Do you know that? Just like your daddy. I hope you know just how loved you are and how safe you are. Even if things feel a little different and maybe even a little scary right now, I promise you that everything is gonna be alright."

I watched as her lids grew heavy, seeing the shadows casted down on her full cheeks from her thick lashes and sighing at just how perfect she truly was. I softly ran my fingertips through her dark hair while she fell asleep, her peacefulness capturing my devout attention. I didn't even notice Jacobs near silent presence until he approached the fire and tossed in another log, his face now full of an emotion I couldn't place when he looked over at me.

"Tell me what's on your mind? Is something bothering you? Ever since you asked me about the farm you've been different." I hedged, reaching out a hand toward him. He timidly took it and sat down on the floor by my feet, tilting his head back to rest against my knees.

"I'm sorry, Bells. Dinner was great. Hearing about the farm just brought some stuff up is all. Don't worry about it."

"We're not doing that anymore, remember?" I timidly countered.

"Doing what?"

"That thing we used to do where we'd only tell each other half truths."

I heard his heavy sigh and placed a hand on his shoulder, silently encouraging him to open up to me with whatever had shaken him.

"Sometimes whole truths are painful."

"...but sharing them is better than holding onto them." I softly reminded him. "You don't have to tell me, Jake. I just want you to know that you can."

There was a brief silence between us as I gingerly played with his shaggy hair.

"Still good for a cut? Does that offer still stand?" He asked, and I couldn't ignore the trembling I heard in his husky voice.

"Of course. Let me lay Clarissa down and I can give you a trim. It's been a while but-"

"I'm sure you'll do fine." He huffed, getting to his feet and avoiding the original topic from before. Whatever was bothering him, it was clear he wasn't ready to tell me.

I wouldn't push him.

After I laid Clarissa down and Jacob kissed her goodnight, I collected the set of beautician sheers my mother had given me years ago, and waited for him in the kitchen with a towel in hand. He pulled out one of the spare chairs and sat down in front of me, his eyes rimming with a sudden emotion as he leaned back. I stilled my hands and felt the lump form in my throat, as I pondered who used to cut his hair when he was little.

Sarah had always been the one to do this for him. I remembered it well and I struggled not to let my emotions show as I thought of Lillian now, knowing that she'd trimmed it for him last.

"If-if you want, I could have Natalie from work come over and cut it for you? She went to school for cosmetology before she pursued nursing. She would probably do a much better job." I admitted, hearing my voice quaver on the last word when he turned himself around to face me.

"I trust you to do it."

I nodded and he silently turned back in his chair while I got busy combing his hair. My fingers effortlessly glided through his thick strands and the silence around us was deafening while his hair fell to the floor at my feet.

I could feel the tremors in his shoulders as I trimmed the last few sections and removed the towel. I quickly brushed the hair off his shirt and he caught my hand before I could back away from him.

"Thank you." He hoarsely whispered to me with tears in his dark eyes.

I slowly nodded to him, not trusting my voice, and placed the scissors down on the counter as my gaze lingered on his.

"Lilly was the last one to-..."

"I know." I softly replied.

Jacob looked down to the tool bag beside the table and tossed a pleading look my way. My response was silent, but pointed and full of an understanding I hoped he could see, as I hauled it up off the floor and handed it to him.

**A/N: Hello again to all my great readers! I hope you enjoyed this update :-) Thank you so much for all your wonderful reviews. They make my day! There will be another chapter posted for this story before the weekend and there will be a twist. Please take care! I love you all.**


	50. Chapter 50

**A/N: Hello again my sweet readers! I hope all of you are safe and well. This is a shorter update but I hope you enjoy it and please look for more coming this week. Also, please leave a review and let me know your thoughts! Till then... BE SAFE!**

**CHAPTER FIFTY**

**(BPOV)**

Jacob skillfully and eagerly tore apart half the living room and started in on the kitchen when the clock chimed the midnight hour above me. I was perfectly content to merely watch him as he worked, while pretending to pay more attention to the abandoned medical journal in my hand. It was a cover up. My mind was full of past events that I couldn't shake, reflecting back to a time when he had been the very brightest parts of my day and lamenting a little that we had spent so many years apart. But as the old saying goes, regret would prove to get you nowhere.

My heart warmed as I pondered back to our reckless bike rebuilds, and I couldn't help but smile when Jacob looked over his shoulder to see that my attention was anywhere other than the large book now resting in my lap. He'd caught me ogling him and I blushed in response.

"Do you want me to give it a rest for the night cause I can? Clarissa is sleeping through it like a rock but I'm sure you'd like to get some rest? Do you work again in the morning?" He offered.

"No, I don't. I have the rest of the weekend off. So, you can work till you want to quit. Really, it's fine with me. Have at it." I replied to him with a tired smile.

After a little while longer, I gave up and put the book down and rested my head on the arm of my couch, my eyes heavy as I gazed into the dwindling fire ahead of me. The pure exhaustion of the week had finally caught up with me.

I didn't know how much time had passed when the feel of a warm hand touching my arm jostled me awake.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you, Bells. It's getting pretty late." Jacob whispered, removing his hand and gesturing toward the door. "I'm gonna do a perimeter run."

I nodded to him and saw the clear hesitation on his face when I stood, and glanced around at the utter mess my home had become with this new renovation. I admired his efforts and already knew that when the place was finished, it would look a heck of a lot better than it used to.

"Be safe out there." I softly wished him then.

"I'll stock the fire before I go. I don't want you to be cold. Do you think you will you be warm enough till I get back? It's getting pretty windy. The snow is picking up, too. I'm not sure how much we're supposed to get but it's looking pretty brutal out there."

"Yeah, I should be okay. I think this will wind down by the morning."

I watched him head for the cold outdoors and shivered when a rush of wind came in after he left. I was able to doze back off in no time but my sleep was restless and when dawn drew near, I heard Clarissa stir from the other room and wandered into the kitchen to fix her a warm bottle.

The firm knock that came to the door made me nearly drop it as I whirled around from the pounding sound. My heart was in my throat as I headed for the door, peering up on my tip toes to see a tall man standing back to on my snowy porch. I struggled to see in the blowing wind any defining features. It was only six in the morning and my nerves were on edge from someone showing up here this early.

I nervously backed away from the door and hurried to scoop up Clarissa as the pounding continued.

"Bella, I know you're in there. Open the door." A voice that was familiar called out to me in warning then. I froze where I stood, holding tightly to sweet Clarissa and debating on what to do next.

That's when I heard it, the loud and husky baritone that rang out clear from the other side of the door.

"What the hell are you doing here, Paul? It's damn dawn and Bella is asleep or at least she was."

"Sorry, man. We got some real trouble back home." Paul countered. "I had to come this way and give you a heads up considering how close you are right now to the source of it."

"What's going on?" Jacob hedged.

"I know you won't want to hear this but Gentry Jones is back in town. His farm was attacked. He lost half his cows and nearly all his livestock last week. Says it's unlike anything he's ever seen. He came to Sam for help and he's been asking for you."

I drew closer to the door upon hearing this, trying to remain silent as I pressed my ear closer into the warn wood to listen further.

"Billy send you here to tell me that shit?" Jacob barked back in irritation, the lethal way he spoke causing chills to spill up my spine.

"No, bro. He didn't even know Gentry was in town till Sam filled him in. This isn't a set up or a way to make you two resolve things. That horse has been dead for a long time."

"Not long enough." Jacob bitterly retorted.

"You got every right to be mad. Billy should have told you about him a long time ago, but the guy is in real dire straights. You know that farm is his livelihood." Paul replied.

I stilled there, leaning closely by the door and gently swaying Clarissa, as Pauls words made me think about Jacobs reaction at the mention of the farm seventy miles from here where I got the steak from.

That was Gentry's farm? The Jones Farm? Emily and Sams Gentry? It had to be the same one.

"Was he hurt? Did he phase?" Jacob solemnly questioned then, his tone swiftly changing now.

"No, but he lost a lot more than he wanted and he said it's making the farm help grow restless. Come on, man. Despite your differences, I think he still trusts you more than most. Especially after his moms passing. Can't you make a run up to his farm and see what's going on? You know this could mean-..."

"I know what it means, Paul. I've been doing border runs for days. Picked up on a new scent last night and more than one. Like it or not, Gentry's my brother, so yeah, I'll make a trip up tomorrow. You can send word that I'm coming?"

"Will do, man. You're doing the right thing. How are you holding up here and how is Bella?"

"She's exhausted. This whole thing has her working more hours and there are days she's just dead on her feet."

"... and being here with her after all this time? How's that working?" Paul asked in return.

"It's something I can't describe. It's like... -being home after being away for years. I don't want to leave her and I don't know where that leaves me, Paul." He admitted.

I took a few steps back from the door, stunned at what I'd heard him say while I quietly crossed the floor. I sat down on the couch and began to feed Clarissa as the confusion swarmed around me.

Jacob had a brother? A brother whose farm I'd been to dozens of times and knew nothing about him.

Gentry Jones was Jacobs brother and he was a shifter.


	51. Chapter 51

**CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE**

**(BPOV)**

Jacob sauntered in through the house with a weary expression, his gaze careful to avoid mine at first. He already knew that I'd overheard his exchange with Paul and even though I was eager to learn more, I kept my mouth closed and waited for him to speak first over breakfast.

Steam rolled up from his plate of waffles and eggs as I handed it to him along with a smiling Clarissa, her happy disposition enough to make him crack a slight smile, albeit temporary.

"Thanks for this. I'm getting spoiled with your cooking." He huffed, before taking a huge bite of his chocolate chip waffles without missing a beat.

"You're welcome. I figure cooking for you is the least I can do after what you've done around here. Rebuilds aren't cheap, you know." I lightly teased him in return.

"Well, it's definitely payment enough, Bells. I think I'm gonna end up owing you in the end."

I nodded and began to eat with him in silence, the usual peace and contentment of the morning now missing and replaced with an unease I didn't care for. Despite this, I picked apart at my plate and pretended to be none the wiser of what I had just heard.

When breakfast was through and the dishes were done, I headed for the shower and got busy with checking my work emails, my overflowing inbox telling me there were more briefings from the hospital on the pandemic that needed my attention sooner rather than later. I kept myself in the study for the remainder of the morning, and joined the nurses meeting via online that Pen Bay had been reduced to using these past few weeks as the only means of effective, face to face communications from home.

I had never been one to really embrace new technology and this was proving to be no exception. I found it almost impersonal, and a little intrusive to be peering into fellow nurses homes as a way of holding the meeting, but this appeared to be our only safe option for now. I guess there really was something for in person contact after all, and as much as I had loved being on my own before, I would be lying if I said that the thought of going back to that lifestyle now didn't leave me saddened.

My life was wrapped up in that hospital. Had been for years and yet here I was, peering into this tiny webcam on my laptop in an attempt to stay connected this weekend.

There were so many times I loathed these kinds of meetings and dreaded having to drag myself in on the weekend for them, but right about now, I'd give anything for the familiar lecture surrounded by some of my favorite coworkers.

The meeting was nearly an hour long and I had to laugh when Natalie texted me after it had ended, her brief message making me chuckle to myself.

"_All that racket in your house must mean your guest is doing some needed renovations in there? Let him know my house could use a few touch ups, too. I'm only kidding... sort of."_

I shook my head and tossed my cell down onto the desk, my cheeks growing warm and rosy in color at her implication. Leave it to Natalie. She seemed to find herself always on the wrong end of love. I could only hope that one day she'd find somebody worthy of her.

I bit down on my bottom lip while I listened to the power drill being used just downstairs, and I silently debated on whether or not I should ask Jacob about Gentry.

What did Paul mean by what he said and how was he Jacobs brother? Pack related or something else?

I cringed at the thought of the latter option, knowing that would mean a secret kept by Billy or Sarah, either of which would have been devastating for Jacob and his sisters to learn about. As many damn times as I'd been to the Jones Farm already in the past, I doubted that I had even seen him in passing. Surely, someone carrying features like Jacob would have undoubtedly caught and held my attention. It would have peaked my curiosity at the very least. Whenever I showed up to get an order, the farm help, who looked all of eighteen, would load it in the back of my car and wish me well. I didn't even know who the owner was, just that it was a highly recommended family run farm.

Who would have thought.

"Bells…-"

Jacob's voice startled me from the doorway then, his form shirtless and his toolbelt slung low on his hips as he stood there. Sweat dripped down his chest and abs and I struggled to form a single word reply to him while he looked at me.

"Y-Yes."

"Is your meeting over? I'm not interrupting anything, am I?" He questioned.

"Yes, I-I mean, n-no. I-we just finished up a little bit ago. Did you want me to make us some lunch?" I offered.

Jacob smirked at this and shook his head in response, his dark eyes holding mine with his reply.

"You know, I don't expect you to cook for me all the time. I was actually thinking about turning the tables around a bit for that tonight?"

I stood from the desk and narrowed my gaze in suspicion at him, feeling perplexed from his remark while he studied my reaction.

"You mean, you want to cook something for dinner? In the kitchen?" I mused.

"Yeah, if you'll let me?" He huskily countered.

I noticed the way his eyes filled with a hope that I hadn't seen in too long and I simply couldn't refuse his kind offer.

"If you really want to cook, my kitchen is yours for the using. That actually sounds really nice." I admitted, seeing the smile that graced his handsome face when he heard this from me. "Do you need me to make a run into town to pick anything up?"

"No, I think I have what I need in the fridge already." He confidently replied.

"Okay, I do have some errands to run this afternoon, so if you change your mind and need anything, you can call me and let me know."

"Sure, Sure."

I went downstairs to find that he had put together a wall shelf with some of the spare lumber he'd found in the shed. It came with the house when I bought it and I had yet to put it to good use. My eyes went wide at the sight of him securing it beside the mantle with a few final screws.

He was beyond talented.

"Wow, you put that together just this morning? You work fast. Still good with your hands, I see?"

"I try." He humbly sighed. "What do you think? I can move it if?-"

"No, No. It looks great right there. I think that's the perfect spot for it. Thank you." I interjected.

"You're welcome, Bells. I'm sure you've got some old photos you could display here?" He asked, backing up to better observe his handy work.

"Yeah, I have a few in the attic. They need a good dusting. I even have a few of us that Charlie gave me for safe keeping. I think I'll get some frames while I'm out today for them."

Jacob paused at this and turned my way, his stunned expression making me still where I stood by the door.

"You kept those pictures? All this time?" He asked, his soft tone causing my heart to skip a beat.

"Of course I did." I stated. "I'll be back in a little bit. I have my cell. See you for dinner."

Jacob nodded and waved to me as I left the house then and headed in for town.

The market was packed, despite the new guidelines put in place for safe distancing, and I found myself relieved that my little shopping list wasn't that long. With any luck, I would be able to get in and out in no time.

The aisles were plum full and the elbow to elbow people had me nervous at times. I wasn't a fan of the overly crowded checkouts and found myself tapping my foot impatiently, as I stood in the never ending line to check out and leave.

After what felt like forever, my arms were juggling the stuffed paper bags as I headed back out to my car and drove home with my things in tow. I was just exiting the busy highway, when I slammed on my brakes as a blur of brown fur hurriedly crossed the gravely road up ahead of me.

"Shit!" I cussed, hearing the tires drag roughly against the tar beneath me while my car skidded to a jarring halt. I kept my trembling hands tightly wrapped around the steering wheel and squinted out into the blinding rays of the setting sun just beyond the winding bend in the road. "What the hell...-"

With a shake of my head, I timidly hit the gas and continued on my way. By the time I made it to my road, the sun was long gone and the dark of night had seeped in. My heart was still in my throat when my car coasted to a stop and I put the gear in park.

I had half convinced myself that I was seeing things. My sleep hadn't been that great lately and my dreams had been colorful the last few nights.

I slowly pulled the keys from the ignition and swiftly gathered my things from the back as the flood light above me switched on. The brisk wind whipped the freshly fallen snow harshly around me, making it hard to see as I headed up the drive. My foot slipped on a patch of ice and I was soon laying on my back in the cold snow, as I looked up at the blur of white blowing above me. I rolled to my side and began to pick up the scattered groceries that littered my driveway when a deafening roar came from behind me. I froze where I was, my breath coming out in a vapor when I gasped into the cold wind and turned around.

The violent roar then shook the ground as a pair of wild eyes pierced mine through the dark of the night. I stared at the massive grizzly in shock, feeling paralyzed in fear at the sight of it. He huffed angrily, suddenly appearing from the tangled mess of snow covered oak trees that bordered my front yard.

Maine was known for Black Bears and I had yet to even see one around these parts.

They were not known for grizzly's.

I shook from head to toe as the huge grizzly bear harshly pounded his giant paws into the packed snow beneath us.

He was a mere thirty yards from me and I could feel the terror thrumming heavily through my veins.

He huffed again and reared up as I took a step backwards, the scream in my throat steadily building while I studied the massive creature ahead of me. He was terrifyingly tall as he stood powerfully on his back legs and roared again, his back draped with a straw blond shawl. My legs felt like cement at the display of his aggression, and my mind immediately rushed back to the attacked hikers we'd seen brought into the ER just a month ago. I shivered violently as all the blood drained hastily from my face in seconds.

The terrifying scream finally left me then as I turned to run. He charged toward me, my hurried steps causing me to fall back down into the blinding snow as his roar got closer and closer. I could hear his pounding paws while he ran my way and I stumbled to my feet with another scream that echoed off the dense forest around me. In seconds, his roar silenced my cry and I realized that I couldn't out run him. I had nowhere to go. He reared himself up in front of me again, his hovering form making me instinctively shield my face first. I tried to move but I couldn't as his paws pounded the ground on either side of me.

His roaring stopped abruptly then and it forced me to dare to move.

I opened my eyes, waiting for his first blow, for the mauling to begin. In a mere breath, everything changed and I let out a cry just as another fierce responding roar rumbled the snowy ground beneath me, and before his paws could tear into me, a blur of russet fur collided into him from above.

**A/N: Thank you so much for reading this update and I truly hope all of you are safe. This is a cliffy, I know, but hold on, more to come tomorrow! Till Then... Please leave a review with your thoughts! Love to hear from all of you! :-)**


	52. Chapter 52

**CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO**

**(BPOV)**

I couldn't move a muscle. I was paralyzed with choking fear as the hair raising scene played out before me. I slowly rolled to my side, as the air greedily filled my deprived lungs in a rush that made me audibly gasp aloud.

The sound of snapping jaws and viscous roars forced my attention to the tree line just ahead that was covered in the black duvet of night.

I pulled myself up off the ground and moved forward, ignoring the shaking numbness in my legs now from the adrenaline that was still pumping heavily through my veins.

That bear had nearly killed me. I had been moments away from a demise I couldn't escape.

I trudged ahead only a few steps, the cry in my throat that had been building soon vanished when I caught sight of them.

Jacob rolled over and over with the massive grizzly. The two of them locked in a seething battle for the upper hand that shook me to my core to witness.

I covered my mouth, biting back the scream I knew would only prove to distract Jacob if it escaped my trembling lips and bellowed out of me.

The grizzly was furious, his loss of the potential kill making him roar angrily at Jacob who didn't back down from his challenge. I marveled at their differences, yet found myself comparing their odd likeness. Both of them were equally terrifying to the unknown human eye and their size was alarmingly matched. What the grizzly had on Jacob for mass, he lacked in height and stature. Jacob tore away from him and backed himself up toward me, his roar loud enough to cover the bears as they slowly started to circle each other. He rose up to his full height in defiance and the bear began to charge at him again, his thundering paws striking at the snowy earth beneath him.

Jacob took on his charge and matched him stride for stride as my heart leapt back into my throat.

The irate grizzly reared up on its back legs and huffed furiously into the night air as Jacobs dark intelligent gaze remained on him, the two of them seeming to stop their advancements at the same time. The grizzly lowered himself and swayed his massive head side to side, appearing to look for a new angle to come at me from. This only proved to further piss off Jacob and he lunged forward with a menacing growl, baring his teeth and laying his ears back with his silent threat of the impending move.

I watched in utter disbelief then as the bear backed up suddenly from Jacobs firm stance, his eyes darting to mine once more before swiftly turning himself around and taking off into the dense cover of the Maine woods.

Jacob remained rigid and unmoving as the silence surrounded us. I felt the tears sting my eyes and blur my vision as I let out the breath I felt like I'd been holding for minutes on end. At the sound of my relieved sigh, he turned and stilled there beside me, his thick russet fur brushing up against my hand while his wolf gaze sought mine. The two of us seemed frozen there until a loud cry from Clarissa pulled us out of the trance.

I ran my hand along the fur that rimmed his ears, his nose pushing softly into my arm as he nudged me.

"I'm okay, Jake. I owe you." I assured him.

He huffed to me and headed for the tree cover to phase back to human form while I went inside to check on Clarissa. She seemed frightened when I scooped her up and part of me wondered if she'd heard some of the commotion happening just outside.

Jacob soon came in wearing a raggedy pair of cut offs and carrying the grocery bags I'd clumsily dropped moments before all hell broke loose. I had never truly been that close to death in years, not since being tracked by James, and not since the incident at Pen Bay weeks ago.

I definitely hadn't missed the terrifying feeling.

I struggled to find words as Jacob set the groceries down on the table and reached for my hand, his fingers trembling some when they laced through mine and his husky words filled with worry when he spoke.

"Are you alright, Bells? Come here."

He looked me over, his gaze intense while he studied me there in front of him, looking for any sign of injury.

"I'm okay-... Thank you. If you hadn't been there-"

"Nothing hurts or feels broken? Are you sure? Really sure?" He double checked, gently cradling my face and tilting my neck back while his dark eyes roamed.

"No, given what just happened, I'd say I'm feeling pretty lucky to be alive. He came out of nowhere. I didn't see him until-" I admitted.

Jacob nodded, his nervous expression evident as he briefly caressed my cheek with the backs of his fingers and held my gaze.

"That scared the hell out of me, Bells. I'm glad you're not hurt or worse. I heard you screaming and-" He started, but struggled to finish.

His intense stare made it hard for me to look away as my eyes trailed down to his full lips. I couldn't tell if it was the rush of adrenaline still, or the events that had shaken me, but right now, the only thing I could think about was kissing him.

I soon took a step back, putting some needed distance between us and placed Clarissa in her bouncer seat. Jacobs eyes never left me while I did this and I silently wondered if he could feel it too.

I tried to avoid his gaze but it wasn't long before his eyes held mine again. The air in the room somehow felt too heavy and thick all of a sudden. As if no matter how much I tried, I couldn't catch my breath. I caught sight of his firm swallow, before he tore his stare from mine and glanced toward the kitchen window.

"We're not known for bears like that around here." I timidly hedged, noting the way he stilled from hearing this.

"Grizzly's are rare-..." He roughly stated in return, the firm set of his jaw line letting me know that he was struggling to keep something to himself.

I knew that look and I didn't like it.

Time for some truth.

"I can't believe he took off like that." I began, unpacking the many groceries and putting them away. "It was almost like he knew you. There was something in the way he backed down. I saw it. That bear was ready to kill me until you showed up. That's twice now I owe you my life."

Jacob glanced down to the floor and I saw the color drain from his face.

"You were always good with weird, Bells." He replied.

"Yeah, I guess I still am. Not much has changed there."

Jacob put the empty paper bags in the trash and leaned against the counter with a weary sigh.

"How is it that after all this time you can still do that?"

"Do what?" I softly hedged in return.

"Read my thoughts with one look. I have a pretty solid poker face for anyone else." He mused, but there was no true humor in his voice now.

"You read me the same way. It's how we work. How we've always worked. It's how I know you're not telling me everything."

Jacob crossed the room and stood mere inches from me with his whispered reply, the genuineness in his tone making me draw closer to him.

"You're right, Bells. I have a lot to tell you."

**A/N: Thank you for reading this new chapter and please leave a review with your thoughts. I have to say that I'm enjoying the reconnection here between Jake and Bella. Love to hear from you and thank you for all your support. Till next time... STAY SAFE.**


	53. Chapter 53

**CHAPTER FIFTY-THREE**

**(BPOV)**

Maybe there was something to leaving things unsaid? Maybe the old saying of 'what you don't know won't kill you,' had some merit to it after all.

Jacob looked uncomfortable at best as he paced in front of the fire, his gaze strategically avoiding mine while he attempted to gather his thoughts before speaking. The look on his face had my worry heightened while I patiently waited for him to start. After a few more minutes of awkward silence, I finally offered up the first few sentences either one of us had spoken since the bear attack.

"You don't have to tell me. I know you're really struggling with this. Whatever it is, so if you need more time, or...-"

"I've had enough time. Too much time. I'm tired of keeping this secret. It's too hard." He gruffly admitted.

I bit down nervously on my bottom lip and tucked my hands into the stretched out sleeves of my oversized sweatshirt as he sat down beside me, his dark eyes filling with an uncertainty that was hard to see come from him.

I scooted myself over closer to him and reached out for his warm hand. He took it willingly and raised his head to meet my gaze.

"Did I ever tell you about the time my dad hit the bottle for a few years? Back when us kiddos were still little?"

I shook my head, trying to recall the time he was referring to, or remember when and if Charlie had ever mentioned this to me, but to my dismay, I came up empty.

Jacob simply nodded in understanding and went on.

"That's alright. It was a long time ago, Bells. The death of my mom kind of took over a lot of memories for a while... unfortunately. Anyways, before she passed, Billy fell into a depression and I don't remember much of it back then. I was too young. Some of my parents arguments, when I was about five, their fighting comes back to me sometimes, but that's about it. Mom had a way of keeping us kids oblivious and away from it all. That was her way of keeping things calm for us and most of the time, it worked." He paused then and gave my hand a gentle squeeze, his jaw tensing with his firm swallow.

"Go on..." I softly encouraged him then.

"My dad made poor choices back then and it impacted the whole family. He became someone my mom didn't recognize when he drank and according to my sisters, it drove a pretty big wedge between them for a while. Things got even worse when my dad met someone. Her name was Leanna Jones. She owned a small liquor shop in town years ago."

I heard the tightness in his throat and saw his handsome face fall while he studied my expression upon hearing this. My heart broke a little from the clear hurt I caught in his voice when he started to speak again.

"My dad loved us kids. Always has and he was a damn good father to us, but he wasn't perfect and he made a lot of mistakes, Bella. Billy had an affair with Leanna for almost a year and Gentry Jones is my half brother."

I struggled to process what he was saying, my head filling with the angry roar I'd heard come from that grizzly outside only a few short hours ago.

Jacob sighed and kept his eyes on mine, eagerly waiting for the pieces of this puzzle to come together for me. I felt like I was a teenager again, sitting with him in my old room at Charlie's while he desperately tried to tell me what he was, only he couldn't. I inched myself closer to him, recognizing the familiar look he wore that resembled the very same one from back then.

There were certain things I guess time couldn't change.

I opened my mouth and said the words aloud I knew he was waiting to hear from me.

"Gentry Jones is your brother." I whispered into the air around us. "...and he's a shifter. Just like you."

Jacob nodded and slowly released my hand as his eyes continued to search my own.

"Yeah, he's like me... sort of but-"

"...but he phases into a grizzly. Your half brother is a huge bear and he runs the farm seventy miles from here. The Jones Farm I get my meat from." I nervously finished for him.

The two of us went mute then and there was something different about this kind of silence we shared right now. It wasn't awkward or unsettling, instead it was oddly familiar and comforting. As if a weight that was too heavy for him to carry had been lifted.

"I should have told you before now. Especially with you being this close, Bells." He regretfully stated, releasing my hand and getting to his feet to continue wearing a hole in my already warn out wooden floor.

"Who else knows? I mean, does Charlie or-?" I asked.

"No, no one knows but the pack. For obvious reasons. Gentry is different from us. He never wanted to be part of the pack. Hated the idea of it even. I didn't know about him till a few years ago. Billy spilled the truth to me one night out of guilt. Said it was eating away at him. I did some digging with Rachel and Rebecca after that. Turns out they knew long before I did. They knew about the affair and about Gentry for years. They said they didn't want to hurt my relationship with dad, so they kept things under wraps all that time. I tried to be mad at them for it but couldn't."

"Jacob, I'm so sorry-"

"Yeah, so am I." He huffed in reply and looked toward the fire as it began to die out. I got off the couch and tossed in another log, seeing his torn expression when he looked my way. "You're not tired?"

"No...-" I admitted, feeling the familiar rush of heat settle over my skin as his gaze intensely held mine. "I wanna hear all you have to say about this. However long that takes. I have a feeling that this conversation is just getting started. I could put on another pot of coffee if you want?"

Jacob shook his head with a low chuckle in response. "I just told you that I have a half brother and that he morphes into a giant ass grizzly and instead of running for the hills, you want to make coffee and listen to the rest of this horror story?"

"What can I say, I am good with weird and besides, it just so happens that I like the sound of your voice so-..." I softly mused.

The touch of amusement left his face then and I silently wondered if I'd said too much. I had a bad habit of opening my mouth only to put my foot in it later.

My worries were soon unfounded when Jacob knelt down by the fire and tended to it, his husky words putting my racing mind at ease for now.

"Well, that's good to know cause I like talking to you. I always have."

I went into the kitchen then with a smile playing on my lips as I pondered what he'd just told me. I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't disappointed in Billy, but who was I to judge anyone? After all, I ran away without so much as a word for years. I was admitably no one to throw stones. Billy was still a good man in my eyes, despite his mistake in judgement all those years ago. I shuttered as I thought of my encounter with the bear I now knew to be Gentry Jones, and I couldn't help but wonder what would have happened if Jacob hadn't shown up when he did. The fury in the bears gaze was evident and it scared the hell out of me. Had he come here to start something with Jacob? Was that why he tried to attack me the way he did?

I fixed the coffee tray and carried it out to Jacob with my nerves running high. There were too many unknowns about all this and it had me on edge.

"Cream and sugar, right?"

"Yeah, thanks." He replied, as his stomach rumbled loud enough for me to hear. I paused what I was doing and let out a laugh.

"All this bear talk made us forget all about dinner."

"I guess it did. I was supposed to cook for you. That was the plan as I recall it?" Jacob hedged.

"Well, what do you say you cook me that meal tomorrow night and we take a small trip into the harbor for a late dinner? There's a real nice seafood place open till eleven. They have great service and indoor dining with tables set up with a beach view. Boats are still docked there and it's the best lobster I've ever had. I swear to you it's worth the half hour drive. Trust me on this."

Jacobs eyes brightened at my offer and the sight of it made my heart flutter.

"That sounds great. Clarissa is down for the count. She may even sleep through dinner. Should I change or-?" He replied, gesturing to his white t-shirt and torn jeans.

"No, you look fine just the way you are. I, on the other hand, could probably use a new outfit! I'll go change into something more presentable."

"You're perfect."

His words made me still there by the hallway and I saw the guilt that touched his features as soon as they left him.

I grabbed my keys and carefully helped him bundle up Clarissa, before taking his hand with a smile then, in an attempt to change the negative direction of his thoughts, before they got too far and ruined the rest of the evening.

It had already been quite the thrill.

The drive to Mcglaughlin's seafood was full of Jacobs continued chatter about Gentry and I eagerly hung on his every word, my mind creating a movie of what he described.

"You see, Gentry isn't like us, Bella. He went rogue the second he phased. Loathed any part of the pack or La'Push. When his mom died a few years ago, things only got worse for him. Leanna was what kept him grounded. He's not tamed or controlled now. He lets the animal run him. He's very dangerous, Bells."

"Do you think if you hadn't got there when you did...-"

"He could have hurt you or worse." He admitted, as I pulled into the restaurant parking lot and shut off the engine.

"He let himself disappear to the animal altogether. It rules him. He doesn't rule it."

The hostess approached us only a few short minutes later as I took a sleeping Clarissa from Jacob, and I felt the shiver run up my spine when he placed his hand on my lower back to usher me to the table.

"Wine for the two of you? We have a wonderful blueberry-" She began, but stopped when I kindly held up my hand to her in polite protest.

"No, that's alright. I'll just have a water with lemon." I requested.

"... and you, sir?" The hostess soon asked, her blue eyes shamelessly wandering over Jacob like he were a tall glass of water, which around these parts, he was.

"I'll take whatever you have on tap."

The tall blonde nodded to him and quickly whirled around with her notepad in hand, as she scurried off to the kitchen to get our drinks.

I handed Jacob the menu and pointed to the lobster bisque they had on special this evening, his admission to me then causing me to chuckle quietly so I didn't startle Clarissa.

"I've never had lobster."

"What?" I gasped, with a wide eyed stare his way. "Never?"

"Nope, guess there's a first time for everything, right? This place is real nice, Bells. You come here often?"

"Not really, only been a few times with some of my coworkers. They've been closed for the past few weeks with this virus going on. I'm glad to see them back up and running."

He cleared his throat as our waiter hurriedly approached us, gone was the tall and bubbly blonde and in her place stood a short and stalky middle aged man who eyed us curiously.

"Good evening, I'll be taking care of you while you're here with us tonight. As you can see, our special tonight is the lobster bisque and our famous Blueberry wine. I highly recommend it myself."

Jacob looked to me from across the table and a faint smile spread across his lips as he addressed the waiter.

"We'll take a bottle of that."

I met his gaze and tried to ignore the warm blush settling into my cheeks as he gestured for me to order first.

When the waiter was gone from the table, I reached for the basket of bread and paused when Jacobs hand brushed mine. My blush deepened and I tried to pull my hand away as the butterflies swarmed in my stomach, but Jacob caught it before I got too far.

There was a single lit candle and a vase full of pink roses in the center of the table between us. The setting was intimate and I noticed then how we were the only two people left in the place. Given the late hour, I wasn't suprised, but it made it hard for me not to notice the date like setting.

Jacob didn't let go of my hand as he gazed out toward the beach just across the way, his eyes narrowing in focus when he spotted the large bleached out piece of driftwood laying along the waters edge. You could barely make it out under the dark cover of nightfall and with the new blanket of freshly fallen snow, but it was still visible under the hue of the harbor lights glow. It had been there for years now and had almost taken my breath away when I saw it the first time I made the trip to Lincolnville beach after moving to the coast of Maine. I couldn't look at it without thinking of him and now here he was, seeing it for himself.

"Have you ever sat there -..." He started to ask in a whispered tone that captured my devout attention.

"Yes, all the time, Jacob." I admitted.

Our meals arrived then and I couldn't help but laugh as Jacobs eyes widened at the size of his rounded plate.

"Wow, you weren't kidding about the drive being worth it."

"I told you they had the best lobster."

The waiter checked to be sure we had everything we needed for our meal and I felt my heart warm as Jacob reached for the bottle of wine, and poured me my first glass with a nod and a smile, before rasing his own to mine with a toast.

"To trying new things...-" He hedged, tapping his glass to mine.

"To new beginnings."

**A/N: I hope you all enjoyed this new chapter. There will be another one posted tomorrow! So look for it :-) Feel free to leave a review and tell me your thoughts! Please take care and stay safe!**


	54. Chapter 54

**CHAPTER FIFTY-FOUR**

**(BPOV)**

Jacob carried a sleeping Clarissa in his arms while we walked toward the snowy beach, his face awash with contentment, as he reached his free hand out for mine and led us toward the bleached out piece of driftwood.

"I know it's cold, but maybe for just a little while we could pretend we're teenagers again?" He huffed to me with half a smile.

"Yeah, I really like the sounds of that." I obliged, sitting down next to him and gazing out to the frigid water.

"How many times have you been here since moving to Maine?" Jacob questioned, his head tilting while he nestled his cheek against Clarissa's and waited for my answer.

"Too many times to count to be honest." I softly admitted, glancing down to our conjoined hands and reflecting on all the times I had wished he were here with me to enjoy this simplistic and relaxing view.

"Feels like home in a way, doesn't it?" He hedged.

"Yeah, something like that. It's pretty peaceful here. I enjoy it for the silence sometimes. Just me, a good book, and the ocean."

"Sounds nice. Makes me think of_ our_ beach."

I raised my head at this, catching his gaze under the soft glow of the street light just across the way.

"First beach? I miss that place."

Even in the cold of a long Maine Winter, being this close to him somehow warded off the invading chill and I found myself eager to just be here in the moment with him.

"Was never the same without you." He offered up in reply, looking further down toward the harbours edge.

I drew in a deep breath of the cold air and released his hand while I pulled the hood up on my sweatshirt.

"Nothing ever felt the same without you-..." I soon softly admitted to him, the words leaving me before I could think better enough to stop them.

The truth was, I had nothing left to hold back from him. There was no point in pretending anymore. Spending the last few weeks with him had only made me all the more aware of why I'd missed him so damn much. His steady and solid presence did something for my spirits and I could only hope that my company did the same for him right now.

Jacob wrapped a tight arm around my shoulders and drew me closer into his side, his husky tone making me look up to see the sincerity in his warm gaze.

"I'm glad I'm here with you now. Maine has a lot more to offer than I ever gave it credit for. There's a lot of beauty here." He stated, as his eyes roamed over my face.

I caught the double meaning behind his simplistic observation.

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So they say."

"I'd say they're right. Whoever they are." He chuckled, pressing a light kiss into my hair as the coastal Winter wind blew furiously around us.

My gaze lingered out to the large pieces of ice floating along the oceans surface as the lighthouse bell rang out in the far off distance.

"Getting late, I probably should get Clarissa settled in for the rest of the night? Ready to go?" He asked, with a heavy sigh.

"Of course. It is almost eleven. We should get going."

I helped secure Clarissa in her car seat and wrapped an extra blanket around her for the ride home while Jacob peered out one last time to the oceans view. I soon tossed him the keys and chuckled at the raised eyebrow expression he gave me in response.

"I may have only had two glasses of wine but it always goes straight to my head. I'm admitting to being a horrible lightweight. It wouldn't be safe for me to drive us, let alone with the precious cargo in the back seat. You know the way to my house. You can drive us back home." I confidently offered up.

Jacob smirked and nodded as he rounded the car and held open the passenger side door for me.

"No problem, Bells."

The thirty mile ride back was full of my maddening thoughts, most of them from the past and now on the forefront of my mind. The feel of a warm hand on my knee soon tore my attention back to the present and I did my best to offer Jacob a smile when he looked my way again.

"You alright? Something wrong, Bells?"

"No, I'm just thinking-..." I truthfully replied, with a shake of my head.

"Penny for your thoughts then?" He countered.

"I'm pretty sure I have about a dollars worth running through my head right now." I laughed, the sound of it causing a faint dimpled smile to grace his face in return.

"Care to share some of them with me? I can't always read your pretty head you know?"

"Oh, really? You can't?" I sighed, feigning shock and dismay for the sole purpose of his amusement while trying to keep the mood light.

"Not always, maybe I'm getting a bit rusty?"

"No way." I sighed. "You still know me better than anyone. You're the person who knows me best."

We pulled into my driveway then and Jacob removed the keys from the ignition, placing them in my waiting palm and glancing toward the house. After a few fleeting moments of silence, he turned his head toward me and I saw the conviction in his dark eyes then.

"You're still that person for me too, Bells. I don't know what I would've done without you through all this."

"Hey, you were there for me when I really needed you. I know that feels like a lifetime ago right about now, but- I- I think about it all the time. You didn't walk away- but I did."

"You left to find what made you happy, Bells."

I nodded and kept my eyes on the house, afraid to meet his gaze again. He would see the truth there if I did and I didn't know if I was ready for that yet. It was an open place that scared me most days and I was almost certain that neither one of us was ready to bare all . Everything was so different. So unexpected and still so uncharted.

This line of thought made me ponder back on Mr. Dawsons words from the hospital all those weeks ago. How he had encouraged me to embrace the unexpected in this life should it come my way. Little did we know just how truly unexpected those events would turn out to be. That prospect was so much easier said than done sometimes.

"We should get inside. Get Clarissa tucked in and warm. Starting to snow again. Welcome to Maine." I replied, getting out of the car and heading for the front door. I could feel Jacobs gaze on me as I trudged through some of the freshly fallen snow. I reached for the shovel and cleared out a narrow path for them to walk through before unlocking the house and helping them inside.

I carefully unbundled sweet Clarissa, trying not to wake her as she dreamed peacefully in Jacobs arms.

"I'll go get her ready for bed. Be back in a bit to help you put the living room back together. Sorry for the mess in this place.."

"Don't worry about that. It looks great. Think I'll pick up some paint tomorrow in town to finish some of the walls? You've done great work in here. I'm really gonna owe you." I sincerely replied to him, stilling there when his hand raised as he gently tucked it under my chin.

"You don't owe me a thing, Bells. You've welcomed us into your home for the past month. That's payment enough. More than enough."

My breath hitched as his gaze suddenly dropped to my lips, his thumb lingering there as he caressed my chin, before letting his hand fall and heading into the other room with Clarissa.

I felt the distinct chill that had settled in the house and started the fire back up in the fireplace, my attention soon drawn to the sight of the falling snow just outside my bay window. I found it to be utterly beautiful, and as hard as it was to even believe, Christmas was already less than a week away. With everything unraveling that way it had lately, I didn't put much stalk into the Holiday season. Christmas had always been just another day that I worked at Pen Bay, but I had a feeling this year would be altogether different. I stood there in the living room, thinking of little Clarissa and how this would be her first official Christmas and one without her mother. It wasn't long before my eyes stung with the threat of new tears, and my heart sank at the realization of everything she would be missing out on because of how seemingly unfair life was. I fought back the unrelenting tears as I took a steadying breath when Jacob came back into the room. His knowing gaze met mine with a shuddering sigh and I caught sight of the clear recognition it held.

"You know, I was just thinking, it's hard to believe Christmas is right around the corner. Only five more days till Christmas Eve. The airports are scheduled to reopen on the twenty-third. So, you should make it back home just in time to celebrate with Billy. I'm sure he misses you guys so much."

Jacobs look went somber with this, his face falling some as he leaned against the far wall.

"I talked with him earlier today. He's doing well. Charlie, too. They both send their best to us. I told him I'd call when I got a flight out."

The air was thick and heavy with a dread that made my heart feel as if it had dropped to the floor. I had known this was coming. His home was not here. It was back on the Reservation in La'Push. The pack needed him. His father needed him and as I stared intently at the man I had once called my very best friend, the same one who still knew me best, it became clear to me that they weren't the only ones.

_ I needed him to._

I swallowed hard against the unmovable lump that formed in my throat and turned away from his knowing eyes, my gaze welling with my stubborn emotions as I looked back out the window into the night. We were down to days now before everything went back to the way it was and I silently wished for time to stop.

I heard the creaking of the old warn out floor beneath me as his footsteps drew near and I was quickly losing my composure. Gone was the poker face of indifference and left in it's place was a mask of something far more vulnerable.

Him being here had filled missing parts of me I had ignored for a long time. He made my heart beat better. I didn't want him to leave but did my best to steer the topic off course.

"Did Clarissa settle in okay? Still asleep?"

His voice was closer than I thought it would be when he replied, his husky whisper filled with a softness I rarely heard come from him.

"Yeah, she's safe and sound. Hardly stirred."

I was quick to wipe away the few traitorous tears that fell then and forced out my response, though my voice quavered on the last few words.

"I'm glad she's comfortable here."

"She really is."

"It does my heart good to know my little place offered you two some kind of solace while you were here." I admitted, slowly reaching over to switch off the end table lamp that remained on in the corner of the living room despite his recent renovations to it.

"Being here with you does my heart good." He admitted, his voice barely a whisper when he said this.

I slowly turned, seeing the firelights glow touch his face as his warm gaze searched mine. Words momentarily failed me as the sounds of the crackling fire filled the room.

He was so heartbreakingly beautiful.

"This place won't feel the same when you guys leave. As unexpected as this all was, it gave me a real sense of home that I haven't had in a long time."

Jacob took a step closer and I felt my heart nearly shatter with his words.

"I hope you know what you've done for me by having us here? I will always be grateful to you for it."

"You'll always be welcome here, Jacob. Both you and Clarissa have a place here. That won't ever change for me." I replied, as I peered up at him.

He nodded in return as his dark stare met my own, the care conveyed in his warm eyes making it impossible for me to look away from him. I shivered and not from the chill in this house. It was then that I saw the longing that touched his features as we stilled there by the fire, the two of us silently torn and full of uncertainty in this moment together. His warm hands slowly reached for me and I took another timid step closer. He paused then, our faces now mere inches apart and his dark eyes still steadily holding mine. The backs of his fingertips soon grazed my cheek with his nearly inaudible reply to me.

"I don't want to be away from you anymore, Bells. Come back to Washington with me for Christmas next week and when the New Year rings in...-please don't go- please just stay with us. I know that probably makes me about as selfish as I can get, but I'm asking anyway. I'm sorry if that makes you angry with me or disappointed, but I can't keep pretending that I'm okay with you staying here. With everything going back to the way it was before. I don't want that. I want you with me-... with us."

**A/N: Hi all my wonderful readers. I know this week has been heavy with things but I sincerely hope you are all doing well and that you're safe and sound at home. Thank you for your kind reviews and please feel free to leave your thoughts in a new one for this chapter. Love hearing from you! New chapter again tomorrow! Till then...**


	55. Chapter 55

**CHAPTER FIFTY-FIVE**

**(BPOV)**

Jacobs gaze was unwavering while he waited for me to say something in response to his heartfelt request. His look was pleading and I found his silence to be even louder than his words had been a few moments ago. I tried to stop my thoughts from running wild long enough to answer him, but found it increasingly difficult to do so. He soon took my silence as my answer and when his head dipped in defeat, I was quick to open my mouth. The mere sight of his apparent disappointment was more than I could stand. I would have done anything to erase that look from him.

"Jake, I-... I mean- we've-...-"

"I had to give it a try, right?" He sighed. "It's a lot to ask-"

"No, it's not that, I don't want you to think that I don't miss home. That I don't miss … you-" I humbly admitted, feeling his fingers lace through mine with his reply.

"Having you this far away from me is hard. I want to be honest with you. You have to know that. I think there's been enough things left unsaid between us all this time. I know for me there has been anyway." He hedged.

"You're not wrong there." I sighed in truth, releasing his hand and walking out around him as the heaviness of the moment fell over me.

He was asking me to leave everything I had here behind. To move my entire life back to Forks and I hadn't seen it coming.

I glanced up at the hopeful look still prominent in his gaze and it nearly tore me in half.

"Bells, I'm sorry if I overstepped or-"

"You have nothing to be sorry for. I just wasn't expecting this. For you to ask me to stay in Washington."

"The timing is horrible. I'll admit that." He huffed, slowly turning from me as he peered out the window at the snow steadily falling. "...but I don't want to be without you anymore. Hurts too damn much. I have no excuse for not telling you the truth about the imprint before, but I want a chance to fix the wrong and make it right. I hope you can understand that?"

_Of course I could._

"You don't need an excuse to justify how you feel, but Jacob, you don't owe me a thing. You really don't. The past is the past and the kind of care I have for you is enough to cover the wrong doings from before and to forgive. Mistakes were bound to be made by both. In one way or another." I replied.

"It's not like that." He stated, his stature straightening some when he drew in a deep breath and looked at me. "This isn't about a sense of obligation or-... it's-... I-..."

He paused then, his words seeming to choke him as he wared with himself.

I could see the tension in his broad shoulders as he struggled to voice his thoughts.

"What are you trying to say, Jake?"

He closed his eyes briefly and reached for me with a true tenderness I had never known, his warm hands soon cradling my face as he spoke.

"I'm saying that I can't go back to the way things used to be, Bells. I don't want to know what it feels like to wonder where you are or if you're safe. If you're hurting and I'm not there. It wasn't supposed to be like that. We weren't supposed to fall apart and get off track for so long like we did."

I stilled then at his sincere words, my heart pounding hard in my chest as he continued.

"We missed a step somewhere, but we can fix it. I know we can. We just have to start somewhere. With a clean slate."

"So much has happened, Jacob. You lost someone who meant everything to you and-"

"... and if losing Lillian taught me anything, it was not to waste the time you assume you have, because it's not promised. None of us know what tomorrow will hold. We have to live for today. For right now and I'm so tired of-... of...-"

He suddenly released me then with his unfinished thought and I backed away from him, my mind racing with all he was saying right now. He was telling me his truth and I heard the conviction in his sincere words. What he was saying came straight from his heart. It was easy to hear and I'd be a fool to ignore it. There was a vulnerability to him in this moment I hadn't seen since he was a mere teenager, and it reminded me of how desperate he'd been back then to keep us in tact, despite the utter chaos of his new pack life. The scared look in his eyes was much the same right about now.

I turned away, unable to look at him a second longer. He had a way of unraveling all my stupid defenses with those dark eyes of his and right now, it threatened to be my very undoing. For the past three days, all I could think about was how much he meant to me and how much I wanted to be wherever he and Clarissa were. Now he'd done the very thing I didn't think he could, he'd put a real voice to my obsessive inner monologue, and called out the real truth of my raw feelings without even knowing he'd done so.

"What are you so tired of, Jacob?" I dared to ask him, closing my eyes at the sound of his quavering response, the emotion in his baritone causing my own tears to return.

"I'm so tired of pretending."

"Pretending?" I softly questioned in return.

He took a few steps forward and I could hardly breathe when his chest soon pressed against my back and his strong arms wrapped around my trembling shoulders.

"I don't want to keep fighting this. I can't do it anymore, Bells. I just can't. The thought of leaving you behind in a few more days feels so wrong. There's no part of it that feels right. We're not supposed to stop there. Like nothing ever was or... ever-"

I settled in his embrace and felt his warmth touch every part of me as I tried to keep myself together.

"...-could be?" I whispered to him, feeling his arms tighten around me in response. "The miles between us have torn us worlds apart. We've been so far from each other for so long."

"It doesn't have to be like that anymore. I've missed you more than you could ever know, Bells. Being here with you has meant everything to me." He shakily countered, his cheek soon coming to rest against mine.

I couldn't remember the last time we'd been this close and it gave me a kind of peace I had longed for all the years I'd been gone.

"It's not that simple-" I timidly began.

"It can be, honey."

There it was. That husky and adoring tone he spoke my nickname with, the sound of it quieting some of my fears for the time being.

"My work is here-..."

"There's hospitals in Washington that would be so damn lucky to have you. You're brilliant and have so much to give. They would jump at the chance for a new hire like you. Don't limit your potential or your abilities."

The shrilling sound of my cell phone ringing brought our conversation to a halt and I saw the nervousness on his handsome face when I pulled out of his embrace and hurriedly answered it.

"H-Hello?" I huffed across the line.

"Hey Bella, it's Natalie. I'm so sorry to call you so late and at home like this, but we could use an extra set of hands in the ER tonight. We've had a few level one traumas and it's overwhelmed us. Would you mind coming in?" Natalie asked, her tired tone telling me she was at the end of an extra long shift and they were slammed in there.

Jacob could easily hear Natalie's plea from over the phone and he did little to hide the disappointment in his gaze.

"Um-…" I started, running a nervous hand through my hair as Jacob tended the dwindling fire.

"Bella?" Natalie hedged at my hesitation.

"I-I'm sorry, Natalie. I can't come in right now. I'll be there Monday. I'll talk to you soon."

"Wait-... but Bella?-"

I swiftly ended the call then and tossed it down onto the kitchen table with a heavy sigh.

"You're not going in?" Jacob asked in disbelief.

I shook my head and he nodded in response.

I felt frozen there where I stood as the glow from the fire lit up his face. He had no idea how perfect he was. No idea how many times I wanted to kiss him. To feel his lips on mine.

Maybe I was tired of fighting this, too.

"You're not the only one who's tired, Jacob."

His head lifted at this and the longing in his alluring dark gaze forced me to move.

I crossed the empty living room, my swift steps closing the growing distance between us, and my heart feeling as if it would leap from my chest at any moment.

"I don't want things to go back to the way they were either, but I can't just pick up and leave."

I went silent then as he tore his gaze from the flames in the fire and looked at me. Tears started to brim and it tore something open inside me to see, like an old would that had been forgotten suddenly resurfaced once again. I reached for him before he could turn away from me again, my trembling hands gently cradling his face as he drew me into him. All of my arguments suddenly fell away when he stilled there with me in his arms, his gaze trailing down to my lips in a way that made me forget all my prior protest and worry.

His breath hitched and I felt the slight tremor course through him when I didn't move away, the voices inside my head soon being drowned out by the feel of his arms around me.

It's too soon.

He's not ready.

You're not ready.

Jacob's lips were a mere breath from mine and with his final spoken word, I lost all my reasoning.

"Bells…-"

I couldn't ignore my feelings for him anymore.

God, did I love him. I had for so long that I didn't know how not to. He was written in every part of me. Even after all this time.

I kissed him softly, barely ghosting my lips against his and lingering there as he pulled me even closer to him. I felt him tremble as he captured my lips then, his returning kiss slow and sensual. His lips molded to mine effortlessly and I was utterly lost.

**A/N: This was a big moment for Jacob and Bella and I hope you all enjoyed reading this update. Please check back tomorrow for another and please leave a review with your thoughts. Till then! Stay safe :-)**


	56. Chapter 56

**CHAPTER FIFTY-SIX**

**(JPOV)**

I could hear the hitch in her shallow breath and the pounding of her heartbeat as we stood there face to face. I had fought this feeling for as long as I could stand it. Not because I didn't want her - it was anything but that- but because of the guilt that threatened to lash out at me from it. Being with her everyday like this had healed something in me that I couldn't make sense of, and I didn't try to, instead I gave in to what I'd been struggling against for days now. Bella didn't know the many nights that I would lay awake long after she'd fallen asleep, trying to shut my mind off, but never finding relief from the thoughts I couldn't stem.

I wanted her.

I wanted to_ be with her._

_I couldn't deny it._

She'd given me something that I could never thank her enough for and something I hadn't expected, and that was the simplicity of her _understanding. _All this time here, she never pushed me to talk or express things when I wasn't ready to. That kind of grace from her, and her presence, had soothed some of the rawness of Lillians loss for me. She was cautious, yet present, and the way she was with Clarissa, had only added to that sense of peace for me. Clarissa knew her enough now that she would look for her when she wasn't there, and it made my heart fill with both hope and remorse at the same time.

The incident with Gentry had been a close call- too damn close for my liking, and it only made me want to be here with her all the more. I still had so much to tell her about him and why he was different from the rest of us. I didn't want to leave things unexplained for her before returning to Washington. I wouldn't be able to sleep at night. I knew that for sure.

There were countless times I would watch Clarissa sleep and think of all that I wanted for her in this life. What I could provide for her. What I could give her. I wanted it to be more than the four walls of a home, I wanted it to be a real sense of family. It was what she deserved more than anything.

When I wasn't doing a perimeter run, and my mind kept me up into the early hours of the morning, I would cave and dial Billy back home. Like always, he would answer with a tired sigh and let me vent my thoughts for a bit.

"You know you care for her. You always have, son. The two of you have something that goes beyond the imprint. Don't be hard on yourself for those feelings. Lillian wouldn't want that for you. Deep down you know that, Jacob."

"My head says one thing and my heart says something else."

"Go with the latter, my boy." Billy replied. "Trust me on this. You're not betraying Lillian. You have to let yourself feel enough to know that."

"You didn't move on after mom died...-" I hesitantly pointed out to him.

"A lot of that was from my own guilt from what I'd done. You know that it was entirely different. Besides, I could never truly love another the way that I loved her. It would be unfair for so many reasons."

"I know, dad."

"If you can honestly turn away from Bella and come back home without her then-" He began.

"I can't."

"Then you have your answer. Lillian loved you enough to want you to be happy. Tell me son, if something had happened to you, wouldn't you want that for her in her life with Clarissa if given the same chance?" He wisely questioned.

"Of course I would, dad." I admitted to him.

"Then come home for Christmas, and make sure you bring her along with you. Charlie and I will be here waiting for you all to celebrate with. Listen, there is no hidden rule for ones grief. No layout for how it needs to go and what it is that heals you after something like that. Bella's been part of you since you were a kid and I think that her presence and company alone is what you needed most this past month. It's okay to find some kind of joy again without Lillian. That doesn't mean that you didn't love her or that you're disregarding her memory. You will always carry her with you, Jacob. She's in Clarissa's smile and that will never change. You have a big heart. It's big enough to let the love you had for Lillian stay there forever and welcome another in when you're ready. Now, you let me know when you're boarding the plane, alright? Please stay safe. All of you."

"Sure, Sure." I replied then before ending the call and finally getting some rest for the night.

I had gone back and forth with this so many times already that I was dizzy from it.

My head couldn't seem to make any damn sense of it all, but at the end of everyday, I knew what my heart wanted, and it wanted Bella.

She was the lighthouse in the stormy night that had allowed me to find my way back home through all this heavy darkness, and I didn't want things to go back to the way they used to be.

They just couldn't. Not anymore.

I tried to take things a day at a time after that, but when she would lock those rich chocolate eyes of hers on mine, it was all I could do not to kiss her.

Having that dinner with her at the seafood shack tonight made me realize just how damn much the very idea of leaving her in a few more days ripped me in half, and as she held my gaze and lingered there with me a moment too long, I knew this was something I had no way of struggling against any more.

The fire burned brightly as I carefully drew her into me, and felt the tremor course over me when she closed the slight distance between us. Her soft lips barely brushed my own and it tore down any remaining restraint that I had left. Like a wave that was tossed to and from the shore, I had lost all control of this current and I was exhausted from trying to go against it.

I needed her.

Bella knew by the tremble that touched my skin and by the way I held her, that this was something I wanted just as much as she did right now.

Her kiss was cautious, slow and almost timid, and her heart raced wildly in her chest when I tightened my hold on her. My lips ghosted against hers once more, and my hands shook as I pulled her flush against me.

A rush of emotions that I couldn't put words to flooded through me when she didn't pull away from my returning kiss. She waited for me to take control, her breath caressing my lips before I captured hers again.

**A/N: Thank you for reading this short update and for all your wonderful reviews! Till next time...**


	57. Chapter 57

**CHAPTER FIFTY-SEVEN**

**(BPOV)**

I've heard it said all through my childhood that time stops for no one, that the hands of it tick steadily on without mercy, waver or compassion, but as Jacobs lips touched mine again, nothing could have been further from the truth.

Everything stopped in this moment with him, including my own world.

Every lingering and tight embrace from him, every glance that lasted a second too long, every touch of his warm hand. All those memories came rushing back to me. From our innocent youth to our tragic and often unfair adulthood, from mud pie making to saying a final goodbye when I left for Maine years ago. All the memories were there.

His strong arms cradled me to him and I basked in his inviting warmth as his soft lips caressed mine. My head whirled and my knees went weak when his fingertips gently threaded into my hair with his husky whisper.

"Bells…-"

I could feel his warm breath as it ghosted against my lips and I couldn't bring myself to pull away from him. His dark gaze held mine and his chest heaved with a shuddering restraint I knew he was fighting to maintain.

Surrender wasn't always easy. Sometimes it was scary as hell.

I slowly brushed my nose against his with a trembling breath and spoke only what came straight from my heart.

"Do you know how long I've waited for you to kiss me?"

He pressed his forehead against mine then as a cry came from down the hall. Clarissa was awake for her nightly bottle and when I started to pull away from him in response, I felt him hesitate before he let me go.

The two of us took a step back and I nearly tripped as I tried to regain my balance from his kiss. My legs were truly unsteady and I saw the slight tremor run through Jacob, before he took another deep breath and went after Clarissa.

"I should-..." He began.

"Yeah, you should. Of course." I sighed to him in return, gathering my long locks at the base of my neck, and drawing my lower lip into my mouth as my nerves took hold.

"I'll be right back."

I nodded and sunk down into the nearby chair while I desperately tried to collect my thoughts and steady my breathing. My lips tingled from where his had just been, and I closed my eyes as the rational part of my brain resurfaced.

Should I have stopped him? Backed away? Told him we were making a mistake? Were we making a mistake?

I placed my head in my hands and tried to ignore the stemming regret that was steadily showing it's ugly head. I'd wanted that kiss just as much as he had, and when I closed my eyes, all I could think about was how damn good his kiss had felt. How right it had been. How effortlessly his lips molded to mine.

It was no big secret that since moving here my dating life had been non existent, and while I wouldn't admit it to myself most days, let alone anyone else, there was a definite reason for it.

I'd given my whole heart away a long time ago and the person who still had it was currently in the other room.

Jacobs footfalls were near silent when he soon approached, the slight creak in the floor forcing me to raise my head and see him there. His face was hidden in the shadows from the moonlight that peered into the bay window, as the clouds began to part above in the night sky.

"Is she okay? I can warm another bottle if she needs it-" I quietly offered.

"She went right back to sleep. I think something may have startled her. She wasn't even hungry."

I tucked a stray lock of hair behind my ear and looked toward the barely lit fire.

"It will be morning soon." I hedged, nervously fiddling with the hem of my sweatshirt as I got to my feet and headed for the kitchen. I only made it to the entry way before Jacob cut into my path, his arm wrapping around my waist with his breathy admission.

"I don't regret it." He whispered, his gaze nervously meeting mine as he continued. "Please don't think that I do."

I nodded and caressed his cheek with the backs of my fingers in silent understanding.

He caught my hand before I let it fall to my side and held it tightly.

"It's alright, Jake. You don't owe me any-..."

"I do." He sighed, pulling me in close to him. "... and more than that. I owe you honesty, Bells. Complete honesty."

"We don't have to analyze this tonight. We can sleep on it. Give things time if that's what you need?" I replied, pulling away from his hold and turning off the kitchen light. "Not everything has to have an answer right now. I'll leave some clean blankets on the couch for you."

"Okay, thanks Bells. For everything." He sincerely replied, his baritone still uneven when he spoke.

"Sure thing. Good night, Jacob. See you in the morning." I replied, turning away and heading to my room for the night. Every step I took felt harder than the last. I could feel his eyes still on me while I headed down the long hall. I soon closed the bedroom door and let out a heavy sigh as I pressed my back against the solid wood there. I touched my lips and laid down on my messy bed, my eyes taking in the beautiful skylight view of the stars above me. It was one of my favorite parts of this old house.

I tossed and turned until the rays of the sun peered into my window and my feet hit the floor at just before seven. I wrapped my robe around my slender frame and paused at the sound of more hammering coming from the living room. I rounded the hall corner and froze where I was, my mouth hanging open in shock at the sight before me.

The entire living room was put back together and it even had a few new pieces to admire. The broken down wall Jacob had torn out himself, was now replaced with brand new brickwork, all of it placed there by his hands overnight. Jacob stilled the hammer in his hands when he heard me approach, as I continued to look around the room in shock.

"Morning, Bells." He offered, taking off his toolbelt and going into the kitchen with a smile playing on his lips. "Like what you see? I hope I didn't keep you up with the renovation last night?"

"N-No, I- I mean- how did you do all this in six short hours? I didn't even hear you?" I asked, shaking my head in disbelief to him.

"What can I say? I work fast when motivated." He innocently shrugged.

I looked around at the freshly drying paint he'd applied and found myself awe struck that he even knew the color I wanted. I had only mentioned it to him in passing a few days ago.

The smell of bacon and eggs surrounded me as I studied Jacobs handyman work. It turned out far better than I could have ever imagined. Within minutes, Jacob returned to the living room with a rounded tray of breakfast food and a dimpled grin in place.

"I made breakfast this morning. Figured it would make up for me not cooking dinner the way we planned last night? You still like your eggs sunny side up, right?"

I managed a nod and glanced up at him as he placed the tray on the new coffee table. I ran my hand over the smoothly stained wood, feeling the sturdy build of it and catching his amused expression from the corner of my eye.

"You didn't buy this, did you? You made it." I gasped, reaching out to take the piping hot cup of coffee he held out to me then.

"Guilty as charged. It's not my best work, but for three days notice, I think it's usable?"

"I think it's perfect." I whispered, as he pointed to the assortment of breakfast food in front of me.

"I'm glad you like it. I hope breakfast is edible." He lightly teased. " I tried."

"It smells amazing." I replied, reaching for the plate of eggs and pancakes first.

"I'm sure you've had way better." He mused, looking my way again as a blush crept into me cheeks. "...from whoever made your breakfast...-before-"

I took a bite of the pancakes and set my fork down with a nervous look his way.

"There was no one before. To cook for me or-... otherwise...-" I softly clarified, feeling the embarrassment sink in from my blunt truth to him.

Jacob's smile fell at this and he sat down next to me with a remorseful expression plaguing his features.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said it that way."

"There's nothing to be sorry for, but there's nothing to share either. Don't worry about it. Thank you for breakfast and for all this."

Jacob nodded and I saw his firm swallow as he processed what I was saying. After a few minutes of awkward silence between us, he reached out for my hand and tactfully moved the conversation in a different direction.

"I was thinking we could take Clarissa to the Christmas tree farm a few miles up the road? I saw it on the way home last night. Maybe stop by Shawn and Martha's before it gets too late in the day? I want them to have the chance to see Clarissa before Christmas."

I nodded once before nearly choking on my eggs and saw Jacobs eyes go wide in response as he handed me my orange juice.

"You want to pick out a tree? For in here?" I huffed. "I've never had a tree in this house for Christmas."

"Oh, well now were definitely going." He chuckled, leaning in suddenly to place a kiss on my cheek and stilling when my eyes met his.

"How are we gonna fit a huge tree in through the front door?" I asked, my tone barely audible when his gaze dropped to my mouth in the same way it had last night.

"You just leave that part to me, alright? I promise, by the end of the day, we'll have it up and decorated."

"You have a deal." I softly countered. "If anybody can do it, I'm sure it's you."

He nodded and started to pile his own plate high with the silver dollar pancakes and bacon.

"I have to admit, this is the best breakfast I've ever had. Who knew you were such a chef? You may have found your true calling in life. You know, wolf by night and star cook by day." I chuckled, seeing his eyes brighten with my attempt at playful humor.

"You never know." He countered.

"Guess you're full of surprises." I sighed and continued on with eating.

Jacob was quick to polish off his plate and refill my coffee before making a bottle for Clarissa.

"Take your time with breakfast. I'll get Clarissa up and dressed. We can head out whenever you're ready. There's no rush." He stated, with a tender smirk as he turned to get the bottle from the kitchen.

"You really want a tree?" I asked, before he left the room. He paused with a look over his shoulder, his sincere reply causing my heart to warm and the fork in my hand to drop with a loud clatter to my plate..

"I really do. I think we need some Christmas cheer, and it will help us get into the Holiday spirit for when we fly home tomorrow morning. Flight leaves at eight and we can't be late. Charlie and Billy are expecting us. I think Sam and Emily are making a Ham dinner to welcome us back home. I told them you like the honey glaze. Emily said she'll double up on the mashed potatoes and cranberry stuffing just for you."

**A/N: Hey my awesome readers! I hope you are having a wonderful weekend and that this chapter finds you well! Thank you for your great reviews! I love them all! Please feel free to leave a new one with your thoughts for this chapter as well and take care!**


	58. Chapter 58

**CHAPTER FIFTY-EIGHT**

**(BPOV)**

The Christmas tree lot was plum full of happy families all eagerly awaiting to pick out their perfect tree. Clarissa was nothing but giggles and smiles while we trudged through the snow in search of our own.

"You know, this is the first time I've ever been to a Christmas tree farm. Charlie was never big on decorating for the Holidays. He barely had time to put his Charlie Brown tree up in the corner before the twenty-fourth." I mused.

"Same with Billy, but it's never too late to start a new tradition, right? No time like the present." Jacob hedged.

"You're telling me you never had a real tree before now? Are you serious?"

"Not since I was about five or so-." He admitted, glancing around at the staff who were unloading more trees from an arriving truck.

"Well, there's plenty here to choose from, so-"

"You lead the way, Bells." He kindly insisted. "It's your house after all. You should be the one to choose it."

"...but you're my guest and I wouldn't even be here looking for a tree if it wasn't for you. Christmas hasn't been something I've celebrated for a long time. I normally work a double." I admitted, kicking at the snow by my feet.

"You usually work through Christmas?" He asked me then in disbelief.

"Yeah, I mean, with Charlie being back in Forks and Renee still in Florida, there's no point in cooking some huge meal and decorating for little old me. More work than it's worth."

Jacob halted his steps and reached out for my hand at this, his look turning somber.

"Well, to new beginnings, right?" He softly offered up in return, tilting his head down when he placed a tender kiss to my temple.

"Yeah, to new beginnings." I echoed, seeing the bright smile Clarissa wore at the sight of the trees around us.

We spent the next hour looking over dozens of huge trees, all of them suitable enough for me, but Jacob seemed to have something very particular in mind. After a few more minutes of hunting, I saw his face light up as he pointed to the gigantic spruce ahead.

"That's the one. Right there, Bells."

I carefully took Clarissa from him, being sure her coat was still zipped up, and watching as Jacob tore off in the direction of the tree where the staff were already waiting to assist him.

It took no time at all for them to load it into the back of the delivery truck and follow us to my drive just up the street. Jacob looked as happy as I'd seen him in weeks and it did something for my soul to witness his pure joy. When the tree was unloaded into my living room, Clarissa began to fuss and I took her into the kitchen so Jacob could finish up.

I opened the pantry and dug out the can of formula while listening to Jacob offer the delivery men a hefty tip for their help.

"It's no problem, really sir. We love to help out for this time of year. I wish you and your family a very Merry Christmas. Be sure to let us know if there's anything else you need from us at Bradstreet Farms." The older gentlemen stated.

"I sure will. Thank you, again. Merry Christmas." Jacob sincerely countered, before bidding them a farewell.

I held Clarissa close as she settled down in my arms and pondered what Jacob had said before about our flight to Washington in the morning. I knew how badly he wanted me to go back to Forks with him for the Holiday season, but I still had so many thoughts swirling around in my head about what I needed to do. I had obligations here and responsibilities I had to take care of. I couldn't just pick up and run, leaving my coworkers in the lurch and understaffed for the next month.

"Tree is all set up." Jacob huffed, his sudden appearance causing me to startle some when he came into the kitchen.

I offered him a sincere smile of gratitude and saw his excitement slip some when he noticed the worried look I wore.

"I think she's ready for a nap." I sighed, handing Clarissa back over to him.

Jacob took her from me with a sigh and sat down at the kitchen table, gesturing for me to join him there.

"Bells, if you don't want the tree we can-"

"No, Jacob, it's not that. The tree is beautiful. It really is."

He nodded and met my anxious stare with remorse.

"You can tell me, Bells. Whatever it is. You know that."

"I know you want me to go back-..." I started, unable to finish at the look of true heartbreak written all over his face already.

"... but-"

"My career is here and taking another leave-..."

"You want to stay in Maine." He clarified with a weary sigh to me then. "That's what you really want?"

I felt my hands begin to tremble as he rose from the chair and left the kitchen to lay Clarissa down for her nap, the two of us sharing a look that made my heart sink further. I dug through the messy kitchen drawers in search for my glasses and pocket calendar I often kept there. I soon placed my old readers back on and focused on the schedule for work laid out in front of me.

I had used all but a few spare hours of my pep time for this year already. There was simply no room for more.

"I think maybe I owe you an apology." Jacob huskily stated from behind me as I turned to see him standing a few feet away, his eyes dark and full of dread now.

"You don't owe me an apology for anything."

"I wanted you back home with us so badly that I took it upon myself to plan a safe trip back there for Christmas. I shouldn't have done that without asking. It was wrong. I had good intentions, but it wasn't my place to assume I knew your answer already. I'm sorry, Bella. I got caught up in …. this place... being here with you. I just didn't want it to end. I still don't."

"Neither do I." I admitted in a whisper.

"...but there's no part of you that wants to come back to Washington? For more than just the holiday season?" He hoarsely questioned.

"You know there is." I sighed, feeling my eyes well with emotion as he approached me.

"Which part?"

"All of me." I half cried, my face falling as the reality of all this took hold.

"Okay, I'm gonna say this and I really hope I can get through it." He hesitantly began. "For as long as I can remember, Bells, you were one of the only things in my life that made sense. You made things better when I didn't think they ever could or would be again. When I was scared out of my mind after I'd just phased, your face was the first thing that came to mind and it was enough... it was enough to give me a sense of calm and some kind of hope, and when I woke up in that hospital room and heard your voice, it was like something in me broke wide open. Something I missed more than you could ever know. I felt like my whole world was caving and then there was … you. I know that I can't go back to the way we were. There was a huge part of me that just stopped when you left for Maine all those years ago. Everything stopped for us, like what we had built fell away. Bells, we went in such different directions, but when I felt your hand on my arm and heard you call out to me in the hospital, everything changed. You were there with me, through all of it. Even when I couldn't see you, I could feel you. I will never forget what that felt like and what you've done for Clarissa and I. If you don't want to go back to Washington, I won't guilt you into it. That wouldn't be fair. I want you happy... above anything else, sweetheart. That's what I want and if that happiness isn't in Forks or La'Push, then tell me to go back home alone and I will."

His words had my tears spilling as I looked into his glossy dark eyes and tried to form an answer for him.

**A/N: Another short chapter update! I hope you enjoyed this and that you are safe! Please review and keep smiling! Till the next time :-)**


	59. Chapter 59

**CHAPTER FIFTY-NINE**

**(BPOV)**

The look on Jacobs face was enough to shatter my heart as I tore my eyes from his and tried to speak but words failed me. He made me want to things I hadn't thought about since I was a teenager and I struggled to separate my head from my heart right now. I knew my abilities and skills as a nurse didn't leave me limited to one hospital, but I'd been at Pen Bay for so long that the thought of leaving it all behind felt impossible for me.

I was startled by the sound of Jacobs phone ringing in his back pocket, the saddened look on his face remaining when he pulled it out to answer the call.

"Hey Shawn, how are you doing? I was hoping you'd get back to me." He sighed into the cell, his darkened gaze lingering over me when I silently excused myself from the kitchen and headed into the living room so he could have the privacy he needed to speak to Mr. Dawson.

We were supposed to go visit them before the day ended and I sincerely hoped our conversation hadn't ruined those plans. I knew how much Jacob was looking forward to it. I settled on the sofa and listened intently to his words.

"I'm so glad to hear you and Martha are doing okay. I'm relieved. This virus had me worried for the two of you at first... -yeah... -well things kind of took an unexpected turn...-I'm in Maine right now. Have been for the past month... -Yes, with Bella... She's doing just fine. I'll be sure to tell her you asked. We were thinking of dropping in for a visit so you could see Clarissa for Christmas... I have a flight out that leaves in the morning so-... I know... so much has changed in the last month. Doesn't seem real some days. Maine is really beautiful. I don't think I've ever seen it for it's true value till now... - Yeah, I know what you mean...- She's great and growing...- Are you sure it wouldn't be too much trouble for us to pop by this unexpected?...- Alright, Shawn, that sounds great... I'll see you soon then."

He ended the call with this and hesitated briefly before joining me on the couch.

"Shawn sends his best to you, Bella. He wants you to come with us for the visit tonight. I'm not really surprised. I thought he might." Jacob hedged, looking over to the bare Christmas tree now taking up a good portion of my living room.

"I'd love to see them again. It would be nice." I softly admitted, noting the already late hour of the day when I glanced at the clock.

"They would love that, too. They truly would. Martha cooks a mean chicken dinner and Shawn informed me that it's on the menu. That's what we're having. Is that okay?"

"Of course, do they need me to stop at the market and bring over anything? I wouldn't mind if they did?" I nervously asked.

"No, trust me, Martha has it all under control. She loves the kitchen, it's her habitat, and Shawn was pretty clear he wanted us just to bring ourselves and that would be more than good enough for them. He sounds excited. I know they miss Clarissa a lot."

I nodded to him and started to stand before he caught my hand in his and gazed up at me with a pleading look, the sight of it alone making my resolve slip all the more. He unraveled me in the best and most unnerving way.

"I meant what I said to you, honey. Please know that. I want you to be happy. You deserve that. Wherever that is." He stated, releasing my hand and sitting back against the couch cushions with a timid expression.

"I know you do and I don't take any of it lightly, Jake. I just-..."

"...-need more time?" He finished for me.

"I know that's selfish but it's my truth and I owe it to you." I admitted.

"It's not selfish, Bells. Not at all. It's what you need right now and I understand and respect that."

He stood and headed for the guest room then to wake Clarissa so we could get back on the road for our visit with the Dawsons before dark crept in.

I let Jacob drive and when he pointed to the large white house at the end of Birch Lane, my mouth fell open in complete shock. Their house was huge and oddly familiar to me. It dawned on me a short time later that I'd driven down this road many times before and had admired it from afar often. It was truly breath taking and with the red Christmas lights blinking around the eaves, I found myself in true awe of the sight.

"This is their house? I've driven past this place more than once before." I asked in disbelief.

"You have? Yeah, has been for almost twenty years now. They love Maine coastal living. Martha always does it up for this time of year. She loves the Christmas season."

Jacob opened the door for me and reached for my hand with a caring smile, as my gaze took in the snowy walkway straight ahead. It was lined with lit up candy canes and I couldn't stop the sincere grin that touched my face at the sight of Mr. Dawson opening his house door and waving us in. He took one look at Clarissa and beamed from ear to ear. Martha joined him with her own dazzling smile and I carefully released Jacobs hand when we headed inside their welcoming home.

"Oh, it is so good to see you!" Martha cried, throwing her arms around Jacob and kissing Clarissa's cheek. Shawn's eyes soon welled up with tears as he looked my way and gestured for me to come in with them. I was hesitant and unsure, but offered him a grateful smile and crossed the threshold.

"We've missed you." Shawn huffed, wrapping me up in a warm grandfatherly hug and holding me tight. "I'm so glad you came. So glad."

"I've missed you both, too. Thank you for having me here." I replied, stepping back when he released me and stilling there when Clarissa began to cry and reach over for me, her tiny hands easily tangling in my long hair while Jacob tried to soothe her.

Despite his best efforts, her fussing only got worse and I saw the heartfelt glance that the Dawsons shared when Jacob handed her to me.

"She wants you."

I took her with trembling hands, my nerves now running high from being in their home for the first time. Clarissa quickly quieted and nestled her face into the groove of my neck while Shawn and Martha took our coats and ushered us further inside where dinner was waiting.

**A/N: I hope you enjoyed this update and that it finds you well. Please leave a review with your thoughts about Jacob and Bella's visit with the Dawsons for Christmas! **


	60. Chapter 60

**CHAPTER SIXTY**

**(BPOV)**

The dinner table was set for what appeared to be royalty and I had to admit that I felt a little under dressed to be dining with such fine china tonight, but Martha and Shawn quickly put my worries to rest with their kind hospitality throughout the visit, and I greatly enjoyed my time with them.

"So Bella, tell me how the hospital has been handling this chaos lately. Everything happened so fast. I'm sure it has been hard to keep up with it all?" Shawn asked, his kind blue eyes full of curiosity while he peered at me from across the dinner table. "I pray you're safe there."

"Well, things have been really hectic, as you can imagine, but all in all, I'd say we're handling things the best way we can for the time being." I truthfully answered him as Martha offered me a glass of warm apple cider.

"Good to know the hospital is taking this seriously and that they've addressed the needed measures for the staffs well being there." Shawn replied, throwing a look to Jacob whose lighter countenance had changed some since the mention of my job. "She's a real good nurse, isn't she there Jacob? Knows what she's doing."

"Yeah, she sure is. Proud of her." Jacob replied, as he gave Clarissa over to Martha and met Shawns observant gaze. "It was hard on her at times for sure, but she powered through. She always does."

"I did my best." I timidly countered, noticing the way Jacob started to fill my plate first instead of his own, the seemingly simple gesture from him not going undetected by Shawn or Martha.

I tried not to let my overwhelming nervousness show, but found it hard and I silently fretted over what assumptions the two of them may be conjuring up from mere observation.

"You have a real gift with people you know, dear? You really care for your patients. You see them all as people and not just numbers." Martha kindly complimented, as she paid no attention to the many dishes she slaved over for the better part of the evening and gazed down lovingly at sweet Clarissa instead. She utterly adored her. It was plainly written in her every feature while she held her close.

"Thank you very much, I do enjoy my work on most days." I replied.

Shawn handed down the basket of warm biscuits and smiled my way with his returning comment.

"That's great, dear. You gotta' enjoy what you do. That's important. It's not everything, but it is important. Work shouldn't feel like work."

Jacob placed a biscuit on my plate and I saw the weariness in his gaze when Martha told us all to dig in, and not to be shy cause she certainly had made plenty to go around for second helpings.

"Billy must be happy that you'll be back just in time for Christmas in a few more days?" Shawn continued, his own plate now rounded with all the fixings Martha had prepared.

"We weren't sure if the flight restrictions would be lifted by then or not, but seems luck was on our side so-... -flight leaves bright and early in the morning." Jacob replied.

"That's good, son. I know how much your dad loves you. I'm sure it means a lot to him to have you back home for the Holidays. Family is everything."

"Sure is." Jacob readily agreed, as his free hand slid under the table and reached tenderly for my own.

"Not much else matters these days if you aske me." Martha further added, her eyes coming to meet mine in such a way that I struggled to pry my returning gaze from her.

"No dear, you're right, nothing else matters. When you have family, you have everything." Shawn agreed, the softness in his voice toward her making my heart warm in response. Their love was long lasting and true and equally inspirational. It wasn't something you got to see very much these days.

When we were all stuffed, Martha reminded us that she still had plenty of dessert and eggnog for later, and this brought a huge grin to Jacobs face. I couldn't help but chuckle at the sight of his excitement over food.

"You always have room for more, Jacob. Jeez, I wish I could still put the food away like that and not worry about my cholesterol. Lucky man you are." Shawn teased, as he went around and picked up our empty plates for Martha.

Clarissa had fallen fast asleep in her great grandmothers arms a while ago and the contentment on her face brought tears to my eyes.

"We've got a good fire going in the gathering room out there." Shawn hedged, gesturing to the stocked coffee bar in the hall and placing a hand on my shoulder. "You're more than welcome to stick around and spend some more time with us. Hope you weren't planning to cut the night early?"

"We'd love to." I truthfully replied, looking to Jacob who was still patting his full stomach. "Right?"

"Absolutely." He huskily stated, getting to his feet and helping Shawn to finish clearing the remaining dishes left on the table.

Martha led me toward the fresh pot of coffee and I stilled when she handed me a clean mug with a tired smile.

"Thank you for the meal, Martha. It was wonderful. Jacob wasn't lying about your cooking skills." I sighed.

"Oh, thank you, Bella. That's very kind of you to say. It is true that I love to cook. I guess you could say it's like art to me really. A form of expression to the ones I love. Has been for a good long while now. Even as I age, it never changes." She softly admitted, as her hand reached up to brush a lock of hair out of my face. The caring nature in the way she did this, made me remember again how much I had missed my own family all this time. "You're a beautiful soul. You really are and I'm so glad you came tonight with Jacob and Clarissa. We wanted to see you again."

I swallowed hard as she placed her hand under my chin and held my misty gaze.

"Thank you for inviting me."

"We wouldn't have it any other way. Like Shawn said at dinner just now, family is so important. Come sit with me?"

I followed her out into the gathering room and sat down in one of the leather chairs placed in there. The set up was somewhat modern with a bit of tasteful country charm and I found myself more comfortable than I had been expecting. Like a real sense of home.

The Dawsons surely did have a way about them. They were inviting, friendly, warm even.

"I can't get over how much she's grown already." Martha observed while she wrapped an afghan around Clarissa. "Time just never quits."

"No, it doesn't."

"Sometimes we think we can delay it or hold it off, but it never seems to work out in our favor. Just leaves us with regret and missed opportunities." She stated, while she rocked Clarissa in the rocking chair next to me.

I merely nodded in silent response as my attention was drawn to the kitchen where Jacob and Shawn still were. The way the house was set up, you could see almost the entire layout while sitting in this spot. From the looks of things, the two of them were engaged in their own conversation the same way Martha and I were, and I found it hard to look away from them while Martha continued on.

"I can still remember when all my kids were little. Gosh, that was so very long ago now. Doesn't seem possible that almost thirty years have flown by. I tell you Bella, whatever you do in this life... don't blink. It will all be gone before you know it or before you're ready."

"Time can be cruel like that, can't it?" I agreed, taking a sip from my coffee and noticing how her soft blue eyes had suddenly turned misty with her words.

"We don't always get the chance to have it back, so we can't be foolish or squander what we have. We simply can't. You know, I can also remember the first time I met Jacob. He was everything our Lillian told us he was and then some. He has a way of making everyone smile when he's around."

"Yeah, he does. It's who he is. To know Jacob is to love him." I replied, seeing her nod in understanding and glance back down at Clarissa in her arms.

"I know he'll give her all he can and I know she'll be in good hands. That's why I'm not worried for her and why I have a sense of peace even though they'll be so far from us. Separation is hard when you truly love someone. Everyone always says that distance or absence makes the heart grow fonder, but I myself think it just makes the heart ache more. We're not designed to be torn away from something or someone that is so ingrained in us."

I managed another nod and saw Jacob turn his head my way at this. We may have been separated by rooms, but he could still hear Martha's every word.

"I suppose you're right, Mrs. Dawson." I softly agreed with her, my tone barely that of a whisper, but I knew she heard it when she cautiously smiled over at me.

"Oh please dear, call me Martha. I insist. You are family to us. No need to be formal."

"Okay, Martha. Thank you." I timidly hedged, seeing her get up and wander over to a large book case tucked neatly in the corner, the appearance of it resembling to be that of a small nook. "I'd like to share something with you, if that's alright?"

"Of course." I replied, as she carefully pulled down a large folder and took her place back in the rocking chair, slowly flipping through it while holding Clarissa close. She soon held out a stack of warn loose leaf paper to me, the pages all faded and showing their age as I began to study them.

"Lillian wrote to me almost weekly and those letters have become so priceless to me now. The ones you're holding are the final few she sent."

I stared back at her in confusion and my hands began to tremble.

"These are sacred to you...-"

"That they are, dear." She replied, moving over to the couch and motioning for me to join her. I did so without hesitation and didn't bother with trying to mask my feelings when she placed a gentle hand over mine. "Our Lillian would always pour her heart out to us in these pages, and I loved them all, but these ones here I want to share with you tonight."

I could only nod as she pointed to the second paragraph on the first one, my tear filled gaze following to where her delicate fingers directed me to on the page.

_I found an old picture album today__ while I was unpacking some of Jacobs things for the new house. This album was so different from all the rest I've unpacked so far. This one somehow had more tangible meaning behind it and for the first time since discovering the letter he wrote to her, I saw her, Gram. I saw Bella Swan. She's just as beautiful as he described her to be in that letter I stumbled across last week, and call me crazy, but I'm not full of the kind of jealously I thought I would be, instead I'm truly saddened for the loss of something so special they shared. The loss of something that meant so very much to each of them. You should see these pictures, Gram. There's not a single fake smile in any of them and there's this light in both of their eyes. It's beautiful. You know, the kind of light that comes from a real sense of belonging and love. The kind I only know because Jacob brought it back for me when he came into my life. He truly cherished this girl, Gram. He really did. The way he wrote to her was unlike anything I've ever read. It was moving and it makes me wonder about her and where she is now. If she still has a smile that touches her eyes, or if she lost it the same way Jacob did when he lost her all that time ago? Wherever she is, I hope one day she gets to find her true happiness out there. Someone who can make her smile the way Jacob did in these photos. This album is like a story book. It holds all these timeless memories of them, from when they were merely five to when the last picture was taken of them on Jacobs bike. It's really something, Gram. There's even some photos of Sarah, too. She's young and full of such life in all of them. Some of them were taken when they were at the beach, and if you look closely enough, you can feel her joy back then. There's one where she's holding Bella and it's almost like she knows what this little girl in her arms will come to mean to her boy one day. Even as I'm writing this letter to you, I have tears in my eyes. I'm so blessed to have found Jacob. It's no secret what he's done for me and that I love him, but I can't seem to shake the feeling deep down in my soul, that there's still a big part of his heart that's with her and maybe it's the same for her... for Bella. You know me, Gram. I could be rambling at this point, but if you could only see the love in these pictures, you would share my thoughts. I know you would. I haven't found the courage to ask him about her, partially because I don't want him to feel like I've been digging for things I shouldn't, and more so because I'm afraid of what his answer would be if I asked him if he still loves her. Last time we talked on the phone about this, you asked me what I would do if Bella ever came back into Jacobs life, what my reaction would be, and I never got the chance to answer you before he came home that night. The truth is, as much as I love Jacob, I could never stand between a love like that. As much as it would hurt me to, I'd let him go. In the heart of who I am, I know that it would be the right thing to do, and while it was clear in his letter to her that she left willingly, to pursue her dreams, I can't help but think there was some other reason behind her leaving. Something else that made her turn away from him the way she did. It's almost as if they were torn apart by things neither one of them could control. Anyway, enough of my theories for now, right? I just hope that Bella's heart is still as full as it was in these pictures and that one day, the light in her eyes will come back if she's lost it. I'll call you soon. I love you, Gram. Please kiss gramp for me._

_Sincerely, with all my love._

_Your Lillian_

I wasn't aware of the tears sliding down my cheeks until I tore my eyes from the letter to see Martha looking at me with the same emotion in hers. She offered me a tissue and lovingly cupped my cheek in her palm.

"You did lose that light in your eyes when you lost him, didn't you?"

I pressed my tear stained cheek into her hand and held it tightly in mine and she knew what my silent answer was without the need for words I currently couldn't put together. She leaned in closer to me with her sincere advice and comfort then.

"My dear girl, take it from an old lady like myself. From someone who knows cause she's been married to the love of her life for over fifty years now, you only come across a genuine love like that once in a lifetime. The kind that time can't erase and miles can't make you forget about, and the kind that heals things inside you that you didn't even know were broken. You deserve love like that, dear girl. The both of you do. I don't know what happened or why you left and I won't pretend to, but I will tell you to listen to your heart, Bella. To follow where it leads you. At the end of the day, it really does know what's best for you."

She nodded her head toward the kitchen and I followed her gaze to see Jacob still standing there with Mr. Dawson. He looked my way as I wiped my tears and hugged Martha.

"Thank you. From the bottom of my heart. Thank you."

**A/N: (Crying myself now. Yes, that actually happens when you write!) I hope you loved this chapter and please review with your thoughts on this tender moment shared between Bella and Martha.**


	61. Chapter 61

**CHAPTER SIXTY-ONE**

**(JPOV)**

"You love her, don't you?"

Shawns question was simple but pointed and I struggled to form a response at first.

He smiled warmly at me and handed over a fresh slice of Martha's apple pie as he waited for my answer. I knew he could see the torn look on my face and he didn't ignore it.

"Shawn, I-..."

"It's alright, son. It truly is. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

Even as he said this, I found it hard to meet his earnest gaze while he continued.

"...but you should know that I spoke to your dad this morning. The two of us had a real good talk about some things. I have a lot of respect for your dad."

"You talked to Billy?" I hedged.

"Yes, I did. He had a lot to say about Bella. About how good she is for you. How she's been part of your life since you were just a mere boy. I heard the sincerity in his voice when he spoke of her. I knew he meant every word. It took me a little while and honestly, I felt a little foolish that I hadn't put the pieces of all this together before, but I guess we can blame that one on old age."

"Shawn, I'm not sure where you're going with this?" I truthfully replied, my worried gaze drawn out toward Bella who was enjoying Martha's company in the den.

"She's the one from Lillian's final few letters to Martha. I didn't know they existed till this morning myself. Martha always had enough respect for Lillian to keep what she shared with her private. It was sacred to her, now more than ever, but she felt she should share some of them with me for the first time since Lilly passed. It's all there. In those letters and in Lillians own words. Bella is far more to you than a mere childhood friend."

I met his sincere gaze and found it hard to form a response at first.

Lillian knew about Bella? I had never told her...-

"Lilly talked about Bella in her letters to Martha before she passed?" I timidly questioned in disbelief, feeling my eyes sting and my throat grow tight.

"Yes, son. I thought you knew-"

I silently shook my head and followed Shawns gaze, as he looked toward the other room where Martha was now handing something over to Bella, the two of them looking to share a moment I hadn't seen coming.

My silence made Shawn take a step forward, as his firm hand gripped my shoulder.

"Hey Jacob, listen son, our Lillian loved you and that love doesn't stop just cause she's no longer with us. It will always be with you and Clarissa."

"I'll keep her with me forever, Shawn. Clarissa will know who her mother was. I promise you I'll keep her memory going-" I replied, the emotion in my tone with him thick as he released my shoulder and nodded toward Martha and Bella.

"I know you will, just be sure you don't let something go because you're afraid. Fear makes us stop in our tracks when we should keep going. Can't live for other people. Happiness doesn't come around that way. Take it from an old man like myself."

His words stuck with me and I couldn't take my eyes from him.

"You think I'm afraid? That I'm scared-"

"... of moving forward. Yeah, part of me does. I saw the way you looked at Nurse Swan before we left the hospital for the final time and I have to tell you, it made me really ponder some things."

"Shawn, please don't think I-"

"Don't even bother to finish that thought. I know who you are and the kind of character you have. I would never accuse you of cheating on Lillian. It's not the kind of man you are and if you ever read that letter, which I hope you do, you'd know that Lillian already understood the kind of care you held for Bella. Even before she passed. I hope that knowledge gives you some sense of comfort, albeit a small one maybe, but I hope you take a little something away from it. Martha plans to hand it over to you before you leave tonight. She wants you to have it."

I swallowed hard and caught sight then of Bella's heartfelt embrace she shared with Martha, the evidence of her own emotion now running steadily down her cheeks.

"I couldn't take that away from her. Those letters are invaluable. They should stay here."

"She would want nothing more than for you to have them now. For them to be with you, Jacob. Lilly would want you to know where her heart truly was on this. I'm certain of it. She'd want you to find peace. The way she loved you shows that."

Shawn handed me a cup of egg nog then with the hint of a weary yet hopeful smile and I meekly returned it, my head full of Lilly's laughter and smile now.

"Alright, I'll take the letters with me when I go. Thank you, Shawn. I mean that. It means more than you know."

"You're welcome, son. I'm still waiting for you to ask me the inevitable question." He hedged.

"What question would that be?" I quipped to him in return.

"The question of how I could possibly have known that you truly love Bella?"

I stared at him with both respect and admiration. Shawn had always been so wise and his knowledge never seemed to disappoint when he shared it.

"How do you know?" I nervously asked, my voice somewhat unsteady with him.

"...because you look at her the way I've always looked at Martha. I'd know a look like that anywhere. The kind that makes the world stop turning around you, where nothing else matters and there's no one like them. I know how much you loved our Lillian, but one look like that told me all I needed to know about the girl who came before her. So, I'll ask again. You love Bella, don't you? She's where your heart is now?"

The admission was needed, I knew that, but it didn't make it any less hard. My throat felt impossibly tight as I drew in a quavering breath and met his solid gaze.

"Yes... to both."

Shawn took hold of me by the shoulders and gave me a slight shake, his blue eyes becoming misty while he looked again toward Martha and Bella.

"It's okay to love again, Jacob. Lillian would have wanted nothing less for you and Clarissa. This isn't a new love for you, my boy. I think nurse Swan has held a piece of your heart for a long time. Would I be right to assume such a thing?"

"Yeah, you would."

Shawn nodded and released me then with a sigh of relief, his emotion still clear in his misty gaze when he looked my way.

"Go be with her, Jacob. Don't run from what scares you. It will get you nothing but heartbreak and regret in the end. Have you told Nurse Swan how you feel? Does she really know?"

"She knows, Shawn. She knows." I tiredly huffed, leaning against the wooden counter for support and dropping my gaze to the floor beneath us.

"Love is hard sometimes. You of all people would know that. I think the unexpected may scare her a bit. Don't think she's ever really been loved the right way that one."

My eyes were glued to Bella and she looked my way when he said this, the two of us wordlessly conveying everything with that one single and fleeting glance while Shawn continued.

"You have the chance to do things differently this time around. Don't let it pass you by."

"Her whole life is here, Shawn. Her work and her friends-"

"You're wrong. Not everything is here in Maine. You're not here." Shawn sincerely replied. "Don't you think that counts for something?"

"I don't know but I hope so. I asked her to come back to Washington with me for Christmas, but the truth is, I want her to stay there for more than just the Holiday season." I softly admitted.

"What did she say?"

"She's undecided."

"She's afraid." Shawn knowingly countered.

"I know the feeling."

"Well, I think it's time for the two of you to be scared together. You'll grow from it and you'll learn."

He took a step closer and wrapped me in a tight hug as I sighed with my heartfelt reply.

"I hope so, Shawn. I really do. What if she doesn't want to stay? I can't leave La'Push."

I pulled away from our embrace and saw the concern on his face from my words. There were bigger parts of this I could never share with the Dawsons, even though I wanted to.

"I think you're asking the wrong question. Is there anything you wouldn't do for her, Jacob? Any move you wouldn't make?"

"No-..." I truthfully replied.

"Then don't be afraid to meet her where she's at. No matter where that may be. Here or in Washington. At the end of the day, the one truth I can offer you above anything else is that words are just words, and they are meaningless without the actions to back them up. So, don't just tell her what's in your heart... show her. I promise it will make her think. I saw the way she cared for you in that hospital, Jacob. I didn't know it then, but her love of the job and dedication to her patients had nothing to do with the way she fought for you. No, that came from love and love alone. Trust your heart and go with wherever it leads you."

**A/N: I hope you enjoyed this update and that you are all well. Thank you for your reviews and please leave another one with your thoughts about this new chapter. Till then...**


	62. Chapter 62

**CHAPTER SIXTY-TWO**

**(BPOV)**

Shawn and Martha were kind enough to show me the rest of their lovely home and while I enjoyed the grand tour they offered, I found myself so distracted by previous events that it was almost impossible for me to focus.

Martha's words and Lillians letter from before had truly left me shaken. Jacob was anything but oblivious to this, he seemed to know exactly what I was feeling right now, which made me wonder just what it was that he and Shawn had been discussing earlier while they were in the kitchen.

"I wish you all could stay with us just a bit longer. How about one more slice of pie before you get on the road for home? One more never hurt anyone, right? There's plenty left in the kitchen for the taking" Martha offered, while taking hold of Shawns arm with a warm smile our way.

Shawn merely looked to Jacob with this, the two of them sharing some kind of mutual and silent understanding as he spoke up.

"I know how much you want them to stay, dear. But it is getting pretty late in the night hour and Jacob has an early flight to Washington he has to catch in the morning. They need to get going."

Jacob wrapped Martha in a tight hug and I saw the misty eyed expression she wore when he held her close to him. She met my gaze and silently voiced a 'Thank You,' to me when he reluctantly released her and turned to Shawn.

"Thank you so much for tonight." Jacob hedged. "I'm going to miss you both when we go. I promise to come back and visit often."

"Oh, I hope you do, son. Our door is always open to you. Come anytime." Shawn sincerely replied.

Martha approached me with tears in her crystal blue eyes that soon ran down her tired cheeks. "Bella, I want you to know that you're family to us. We love you. Please come here to see us anytime you're up for it. I'll have the coffee on for us and waiting."

I nodded then, unable to keep the emotion out of my voice when I replied to her.

"Thank you. For everything. I will surely take you up on that offer sometime."

She drew me in for a hug and I caught sight of the emotion that filled Jacobs gaze when it met mine from over her shoulder. The Dawsons had come to mean so much to me in the short time I'd known them.

"I'll help you carry your leftovers out to the car. We're sending you home with a lot of food. Should keep you full for the next day or so Jacob." Shawn mused to him with half a smile.

Martha and I bundled up Clarissa while Shawn and Jacob loaded the car. I carefully lifted her from the couch as Martha's hand came to rest on my cheek.

"Bella, please be well. If you ever need anything, you know where we live and you have my number. We'll be here for you... always."

I held onto sweet Clarissa, as her head came to rest on my shoulder and reached out with my free hand for Martha's.

"You've given me something I'll never forget here tonight. I love you, Mrs. Dawson."

"Go be happy, dear girl. You deserve nothing less and hold onto what makes you smile so brightly."

I nodded and placed a kiss to her cheek before heading for the brisk outdoors. Jacob stood in the entry way, keys in hand while he said his final goodbye to Shawn. I handed Clarissa over to him and watched, as he got her settled into my car when Shawn turned to address me on the snowy front step.

"Nurse Swan, it's been a real pleasure having you here with us tonight. I hope this Christmas season brings you everything you wish for. No matter how unexpected it may be."

His last few words made me pause there and hold his steady gaze as he leaned forward and embraced me.

"Thank you, Shawn."

I felt his arms tighten around me with his whispered and heartfelt reply then.

"Like I said the first time we met, don't be afraid of the unexpected in this fleeting life. There's more treasure in it than you know."

"... and if I'm truly scared of it?-" I whispered back in truth to him.

"That's what love is for, dear. To silence the fear in all of us. Facing something unknown doesn't seem so scary if you're not alone with it."

I felt him release me then as Jacob approached the bottom step and looked up at us, his rich gaze capturing mine with a sincere understanding that left me blinking back tears.

"Good night, Mr. Dawson and Merry Christmas." I sighed as I took Jacobs outstretched hand and headed for the car. We were nearly to the passenger side door when Martha called out after us, her boots sinking in the snow as she trudged through it.

Jacob went forward to help her, so she wouldn't fall in the icy drive and she hugged him once more before reaching for me.

She let out a soft cry that tugged at my heart when she took my face in her hands and whispered her wishes in the frigid air around us. Her tone was so soft it was almost inaudible with her request.

"Please, take care of them for us? I was going to let you leave without saying this, but I can't. I'm sorry. I would live to regret it if I left it all unsaid." She breathed, her trembling fingers gently sweeping the hair out of my face as she continued. "You get but one life. Only one, dear girl. You're still so young. Don't let it pass you by. Take hold of what you want. What you and Jacob share is rare so please, value it for what it is. It's not too late, you know? The two of you will find your way and it will come easier than you think. Let him bring your smile back."

I could only nod in return as she released me and walked back to Shawn, the two of them standing together on the porch as we soon drove away.

The snowy ride home was silent and when we arrived back at my house, Jacob was quick to usher us both inside while the snow fell in heavy bouts outside.

He took my coat for me and I filled the fridge with the many leftovers that the Dawsons had sent us home with, as I pondered all Martha had said to me.

She was right... about everything. They both were.

Jacobs approach was near silent and I startled some when his husky voice echoed out behind me in the dimly lit kitchen.

"Thank you for coming with me tonight. Meant a lot to me, Bells. I think it really touched Shawn and Martha, too."

Words left me entirely while I stood there in silence, recalling what Martha had shared with me after dinner.

I slowly turned and saw the letter now clutched in Jacobs hand, the sight of it making my voice unsteady when I offered him the only reply I could.

"It was wonderful to be with them tonight."

Jacob stared down at the faded pages in front of him before nodding in response. He soon placed the letter on the counter and backed away from it, his tremors taking swift hold as he headed for the outdoors again.

"Bells, I have to-..."

"I know. Go. You know I'll be here when you get back."

He tore off out of the house with a fleeting backwards glance then and I watched him as he phased in the snow before bolting toward the forest. I stood there by the frosty window for minutes on end after he left, my head and heart fighting against each other when I saw the time was approaching midnight.

They were leaving in only eight more hours...

How had time gone by so fast?

I paced the floors until a cry came from Clarissa just down the hall. She was wide awake and eagerly reached for me when I went in after her. I scooped her up in my arms, and settled down in the rocking chair by the window as she wrapped her tiny hands into my hair and contentedly held my gaze.

"You're leaving today, you know? I don't want you to, but I know your grandpa Billy is going to be so happy to see you for Christmas." I sighed.

Her crying quieted then and I carefully unwrapped her hands from my thick locks as she continued to look at me.

"You're so special, sweet girl. I hope you know that and I hope your Christmas is truly special."

She settled against my chest and nestled her face into my neck as I tried to ignore the emotion welling in my eyes.

When she fell back to sleep, I laid her down and tip toed back out into the living room, taking in the sight of the huge Christmas tree that had been placed there earlier.

It was so beautiful and bare, and as I moved in closer to study it's strong branches, I caught sight of a card tucked neatly deep in the middle.

I pulled it out, seeing my name scribbled on the white envelope as I tore it open and read the message inside.

Four simple words scribbled in a handwriting that I knew well were written there.

_Ask me to stay._

**A/N: Thank you for reading this update and for all your reviews :-) I hope you are all safe and sound. Another update will be posted tomorrow. Till then...**


	63. Chapter 63

**CHAPTER SIXTY-THREE**

**(BPOV)**

My living room looked like Christmas had exploded in every which direction, as I hurriedly hauled out more totes from the stacked attic above me. Some of them probably weighed even more than I did, and I had all I could do not to topple down the rickety ladder while I pulled them from the overhead storage.

These totes had done nothing but collect dust since I'd first moved in here. I'd only taken them upon Charlies insistence and had never bothered putting the decorations in them to good use.

It was about time for that to change.

I knew this made me beyond crazy but I didn't care anymore. I was determined to give Jacob and Clarissa the kind of Christmas they truly deserved. The kind of Christmas they both would always remember and cherish.

Finding that card Jacob left had sparked something in me. I hadn't decorated my little place for the Holidays since the very first year I moved to Maine. It was time for things to change. It was long overdue. A lot of things were.

I threw my hair up into a high messy bun and changed into some sweats, as my cell rang with Charlie's returning phone call.

"Dad?" I breathlessly answered, catching the genuine surprise in his tone with me.

"Bells? What's going on? Is everything alright? I just got off shift and saw your missed call. What's this about you purchasing Billy and I plane tickets? What the hell-"

"I know, I know." I quickly interjected. "It's kind of a sudden change but-"

"You think?" He sarcastically quipped. "What happened to them flying here for the Holidays? Jeez, it's all Billy's been talking about for a week straight now and I really had high hopes you'd come to your senses by then."

"Come to my senses?" I echoed him in confusion. "What do you mean? Have you talked to Jacob?"

Charlie was silent for a moment before offering up the truth to me.

"Yeah, a few times, actually. He wants you to come back with them, but I'm thinking you already know that, don't you?"

"I did- I mean- I do. I just didn't know he called you."

"Of course he did, Bella. Did you really expect anything less from him, kiddo? He wants you close. He doesn't like you being way out there anymore and I have to say he's not the only one."

"Dad, listen, I know it's a bit confusing, but I need you to just trust me. Can you do that for me? I really need to do this." I earnestly admitted.

"To do what? You sound like you're on your second pot of coffee?" Charlie chuckled over the line. "What's gotten into you?"

"I know... well- technically I am, but that's besides the point here. I booked you and Billy a seat on the first available flight today. It departs at ten this morning. I want you to come here with me- with us- for Christmas. Like a real family. The way it should be."

"Bella, if my math is right, that's only seven hours from now! Billy is home sleeping. He isn't even packed and I'm not-"

"You can help him get ready and pack. There's still plenty of time for that to be worked out. Come on, chief. I've never known you to back down from a challenge or adventure?"

"Now you're just buttering me up or trying reversed psychology. Either way, you really want me to do this? To fly us out to you for Christmas?"

"I do, dad. I truly do. I've lived here for years and you've never even seen my place. I'd say it's way overdue."

"I didn't think you wanted me there." Charlie solemnly replied, his saddened baritone making my heart drop.

"I'm sorry, dad. I do want you here."

Charlie cleared his throat while I nervously waited for his response to my last minute request. It was a tall order on such short notice. Even I knew that.

"Alright, kiddo. You got me. I'll pack up and head over to Billy's at dawn to help him get himself together. I'll make sure he has his meds and everything he needs before we head to the airport. Don't be surprised though if he calls you, thinking I've lost my damn mind for real this time. Taking off to Maine in less than a days notice." Charlie grumbled to me in response.

"Billy would follow you anywhere. Right over a cliff if you asked him to. So, I know he won't put up much of a fuss. I'll talk to you later, dad. Thank you! I can't wait to see you! Is roast still your favorite Christmas dinner? I think I'll make that!"

"Okay, that does it! Put Jacob on the phone. Now you're offering to cook for us?! I thought you didn't have time for that stuff anymore- with work and all. I haven't had your roast in years. What's really going on here?"

"Well, maybe there are more important things in this life than my work. Everything is fine. I promise. I love you, dad. I'll see you soon. Be safe in your travels." I sighed to him, before ending the call and returning to the decorations that were waiting to be placed on the tree.

I hung every glass bulb, ever set of twinkle lights, and every strand of garland that the storage tots held, but it still wasn't enough to cover the entirety of this gigantic tree, so I settled on an age old tradition of making my own popcorn garland to finish the job. By the time I popped the fourth bag, it was finally coming together and I couldn't stop the wide smile that graced my face when I took a step back, and turned on the dozens of lights that lined its thick branches. My entire living room now glowed and I was quick to pack away the empty totes before rushing onto my next project.

I nervously balanced myself on the counter top in the kitchen as I placed the flashing green Christmas lights all around the cupboards. I was anything but graceful, that was no secret, and by some miracle, I finished the small task without falling and breaking anything in the process. I whirled around and let out a small chuckle when I switched them on and started to search for my old Christmas CD's that had been collecting dust for years now. When I found them buried at the bottom of my junk drawer, I chose one of my all time favorites and began to play it through the house. I kept the volume low enough not to disturb Clarissa, and was soon tying an apron around my waist with my mothers cookbook in hand.

I had work to do.

Sugar cookies, and lots of them, were on the menu right now. Within minutes, the house smelled like a mix of pine and vanilla as I began to pile in the extra ingredients needed for a second batch and then a third.

I worked tirelessly all through the remainder of the night, baking and decorating, and when the dawn approached, I stopped my efforts and cleaned the house till it shined. After pulling out the final batch of sugar cookies, I started on making my own pumpkin pie and hurried to get it in the oven, before rushing to take a much needed shower.

My haggard reflection was almost comical. I had tinsel all through my hair and flour coated my sweats. What a sight I was to behold right now. If Jacob walked in and saw me like this, he would surely question my sanity and I had already done enough of that lately for the both of us.

When I was showered and dressed in something far more presentable, I did something I hadn't in months. I took the time to blow dry and curl my hair, the length and thickness of it making it a time consuming process, but the end result proved to be worth it. After nearly another hour spent in the bathroom, I emerged in jeans and a red sweater with makeup done, and my dark hair curled in loose waves that fell around my shoulders.

For the firs time since I could even remember, I felt comfortable in my own skin... pretty even.

The Christmas music continued to play as I returned to the stove to pull out the pie and started in on fixing breakfast. Bacon and eggs with a side of cinnamon rolls was what I planned to serve this morning.

I couldn't recall the last time I had baked this much at once. It had been years and it felt so good, like returning to a long forgotten passion.

I set the table and carefully picked up the abandon letter from Lillian that still sat open on the counter where Jacob had left it. I neatly folded it, tracing my fingers over the lettering and feeling my eyes sting with tears again from her words. I placed the letter on the coffee table before I drew sweet Clarissa a warm bath. She woke up only a short time later and was all smiles when I played peek-a-boo with her. The very sound of her belly laugh made me chuckle right along with her. I had just finished dressing her when the sound of the front door creaking open made me pause there.

"I think your daddy's home. Let's go see him, sweet girl."

Jacob stood just inside the door way, his handsome face awash with utter disbelief when I rounded the corner.

"You're back." I smiled, as he looked around the house in a stunned silence.

Clarissa reached out for him and he took hold of her, his hand running through her still damp hair when he met my gaze. I went to the lit tree and carefully pulled out the small card he'd left there for me.

My hands were trembling when I noticed the way his dark eyes roamed over me as he stepped further into the house.

"You got my note?" He asked, taking in the sight of the decorated tree as Clarissa's smile widened from the many lights now blinking brightly in front of her.

I merely nodded to him and took a step forward with my heartfelt reply.

"I know this probably seems a bit crazy and unexpected, but a very wise man once told me that sometimes the unexpected things in life can be our biggest blessings in disguise, and I simply can't ignore his wisdom. Having the two of you here with me this past month has made me realize just what I was missing." I paused then, as the emotion in my voice made me stammer and his dark eyes steadily filled with tears. I drew in a breath as I nervously went on. "Jake, you told me that you didn't want things to go back to the way they were before with us and I don't either. I want to start over. To start new. Like you said, we have to start somewhere, right? I don't want us to be worlds apart anymore. Not ever. You make me smile and you make me want more for my life than I ever have before. So, I did all of this in the hopes to give you and Clarissa the kind of Christmas you both deserve and to ask you what this card says."

I held up his card and felt my tears slide down my cheeks as his own welled up and spilled over.

"Please stay here with me for Christmas, Jacob? And when the New Year rings in, please help me pack so I can catch that flight home with you and Clarissa to Washington?"

**A/N: I loved writing this chapter and I hope you all truly enjoy reading it on this Summer day! Look for another update tonight. There will be part two! :-)**


	64. Chapter 64

**CHAPTER SIXTY-FOUR**

**(BPOV)**

It was almost dusk when Charlie finally called to tell us he and Billy had landed in Maine and were on the way to my house. I couldn't stop smiling as I eagerly prepared for their arrival. The oven timer soon beeped and Jacob tossed me the oven mitts with a playful and infectious grin.

"Smells awesome in here, Bells. I'm sure they'll love it, and you'll hear no complaints from me. That's for sure."

"I hope so. Charlie always loved his roast." I fretted, placing the huge roast pan on the hot plate next to the stovetop before checking on the mashed potatoes. "Charlie likes extra butter and doesn't your dad like Marshmallows on his yams?"

"Don't worry about that- it's alright. He's gonna love all this."

"But I want everything to be perfect-" I nervously countered as he caught me around the waist on my mad dash for the pantry.

"Everything is perfect." He huskily whispered, drawing me in close as his gaze held mine. "You're incredible, you know that?"

His distraction tactic was working and soon I was oblivious to the food left on the stove.

"I want it to be special, Jake. Really special."

"It will be, honey. It already is." He sighed, placing a kiss to my forehead before I pulled out of his embrace and refocused my attention on the meal.

My phone suddenly rang again and I ignored it as Jacob looked toward the table where it was placed, his expression hesitant when he looked my way again.

"You can get that for me. If you don't mind?" I timidly asked.

He nodded and snatched it up to show me the name flashing on the screen.

"It's Natalie."

"Oh...-" I huffed, with an eyeroll. "I'll call her back after dinner."

He muted the call and within another minute, her texts came through. I paused momentarily as I pondered the date and what her phone call was most likely about.

Every year Pen Bay would hold a 'Coastal Christmas Ball,' and while Natalie had invited me days ago, I had yet to respond to her invitation. This banquet was set to take place tomorrow night and usually only lasted a few short hours, but I had no intention of attending this year.

I hurriedly ditched the oven mitts and reached for my phone as Jacobs observant gaze read the messages on display.

"Maybe you should call her now?" He mused to me with a smirk. "Seems she's in a hurry to get ahold of you, Bells?"

"Yeah, I should answer her. It's not about work."

Jacob nodded and I saw the hopeful look that crossed his handsome face, letting me know he'd already scanned the full message before I got the phone back.

"You'd be the bell of the ball, you know? If you went." He hedged, glancing down at the floor as he nervously shuffled his feet, his sudden countenance change making me forget all about my phone.

"It's really no big deal. Trust me, I've attended two of these things already and most of the time, I spend too much money on a dress I'll never even wear again, and end up being the designated driver of the evening. They chose to do it on Christmas Eve this year in the hopes to brighten up the morale in there, you know, given everything that's happened lately." I softly explained to him with a slight shrug. "I didn't plan on going again this year. Besides, it's just another excuse for the doctors to hit on us nurses in the hopes to get lucky. Which they never have with me so-"

Jacob glanced up to me with a raised eyebrow upon hearing this, his nervousness now apparent by his firm swallow before he spoke.

"Never?"

I shook my head to him as a vivid blush of rose color began to warm my ivory cheeks. How did we get on this topic?

I busied myself with setting the table and being sure that everything was in place as the silence lingered on between us.

When I finished the final place setting, I dared to look up and caught sight of his piercing gaze as he slowly rounded the corner of the table and placed a warm hand over mine.

"I'd go with you. I mean, if you wanted me to? I wouldn't want to impose on a tradition or anything like that-"

I stared up at him in disbelief as my phone began to ring again.

"I couldn't ask you to do something like that for me-..."

"You didn't, I just offered." He warmly countered then.

I looked over at my cell phone as he picked it up and held it out to me.

"You'd really go with me to some Christmas Eve ball at the hospital? They can be a bit much. All the rich people in town who fund us the most also attend. I don't even have a dress and it's way fancier than what I like. You know me, I don't really fit in.-" I replied.

"You have more class than most of them ever would and of course I would go with you, Bells." He confidently huffed. "Guess this means I would need a suit though? Where could I get my hands on one of those before tomorrow night?"

"There's Charlotte's dress boutique in town. It's down on the waterfront by the seafood place we went to. They open at seven in the morning and close at noon for Holiday hours. They have suits and dresses there. If you're really serious about this? And there will be dancing. You know I can't even dance. I usually just sit with other nurses who avoid dancing like the plague."

"Well, this year, they'll just have to do without you cause you'll be on the floor with me."

"Did you miss the part about me not knowing how to dance?" I chuckled to him. "I'm serious-"

"So am I. We can go into town bright and early tomorrow morning and find something to wear. Charlie and Billy will love the time with Clarissa. You deserve a night like this. It's up to you, but I'd love to accompany you. Who knows, it could be fun."

I shook my head before typing out my reply to Natalie's text from a few minutes ago. She had sent me almost half a dozen already. I had to hand it to her for her level of persistence. She certainly had that going for her.

I could feel Jacobs gaze on me from across the kitchen as I hit the send button.

_'Jacob and I will be there. See you at the Coastal Ball tomorrow night.'_

**A/N: This is a shorter chapter update, but I am already working on a larger one for tomorrow! Please let me know your thoughts in a review and thank you for all your support with this story. Till then...**


	65. Chapter 65

**CHAPTER SIXTY-FIVE**

**(BPOV)**

"They're here, Bells." Jacob called out from the bay window as I hurriedly finished dressing, and searched my vanity for the pair of blue topaz earrings Charlie had gifted me for Christmas when I was a mere teenager. I'd only worn them once since and I wanted him to know I still had them. They brought out my eyes and I smiled at my reflection in the mirror while tucking in my silk white blouse, and adding a few strokes of blush to my pale cheeks. I had spent most of the day in the kitchen and couldn't wait to hear what everyone thought of the meal later.

"Boy, are you a sight for sore eyes! Get over here, son." Billy's booming voice carried in through the house, as I ran my fingers through my hair and headed out to greet them.

Charlie stood just behind Billy, his arms packed full of packages and his smile genuine as he took in the place.

"Wow, this is nice. Paint looks fresh, too?" Charlie commented. "Nice property here."

"It is, chief. We've been doing some renovations lately." Jacob chuckled.

Charlie nodded as he lifted his head and saw me, his gaze going misty when he moved past Billy and reached for me.

"Come here, kiddo. Give your old man a hug."

"Dad!" I sighed, elated to have him here with me.

"Place looks really great. You've got yourself a good little setup here in Maine. Thanks for inviting me out to finally see it."

I hugged him tight with my heartfelt response then, the sight of Jacob handing Clarissa over to Billy causing my eyes to well with emotion.

"Should have happened a long time ago, dad. I'm sorry it took so long."

"Hey now, better late than never I say?"

"Yeah, guess so." I admitted in return, as he released me and turned back to Jacob.

"I owe you for keeping an eye on her out here with all this craziness going on in the world right now. Does a dads heart some good to know his baby girl isn't alone these days." Charlie truthfully stated.

"Nonsense, you don't owe me anything. I was happy to be here with her." Jacob replied, his gaze wandering appreciatively over my outfit of choice before tearing his eyes from me. "She's beautiful- I mean- M-Maine is beautiful."

Billy chuckled at this and Charlie raised his eyebrow in suspicion while I continued to usher them in from the bitter cold.

"Please make yourselves at home." I sighed, as Billy motioned for me to come closer before wrapping his free arm around me.

"It's so nice to see you again, Bella." Christmas isn't really Christmas without the real sense of family." He stated.

"No, it isn't." I readily agreed, "I'm so glad you came."

Billy offered me his classic grin and kissed sweet Clarissa's cheek as I reached down for their luggage in an attempt to take it to the guest room. Jacob took the bags from me with an endearing grin of his own before I could even protest.

"I got these, Bells."

"Thank you."

I noticed the way Billy and Charlie were observing our meaningless exchange, and it made me silently ponder what some of Jacobs calls back home had been about in the recent days leading up to their arrival.

"Something smells damn good in here, Bella." Charlie observed then.

"She's been working hard all day. Poured all of herself into the kitchen and decorating this place. It's gonna be a memorable Christmas, Charlie." Jacob softly hedged, while taking the luggage down the hall.

Charlie wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pressed a kiss to my temple, as Billy wheeled himself beside the couch and looked at the huge Christmas tree.

"That's a real one right there." Billy chuckled. "Why do I have a feeling that my son had something to do with persuading you to get it?"

"Oh, you're one hundred percent right." I laughed, taking out the apple cider and offering them both a warm glass of it. "I've never even had a real tree till now."

"Nothing like them. You did a great job with it. Just beautiful! I love the popcorn garland. Always adds a touch of homemade to any tree. Sarah used to do that with the kids when they were still tiny. She'd pop a dozen bags and they would all string their own garland for the tree. Jacob tell you that?"

"Uh- no- I didn't know about that tradition. I ran out of other garland so-... popcorn to the rescue." I timidly admitted, as Jacob came out of the guest room luggage free and rejoined the conversation.

"Hmm- Somethings are just damn good intuition I suppose, dear Bella. Nothing wrong with that." Billy asserted, as Clarissa reached out toward the tree with her tiny arms, her eyes wide with fascination from the lights that hung there in front of her. She just loved that tree.

"Someone's getting more and more curious by the day I see." Charlie mused, when he caressed Clarissa's cheek and met my gaze. "Growing fast already."

"Yeah, too fast." Jacob replied. "She's already trying to string sounds together. Almost sleeps through the whole night these days."

Charlie nodded and I offered to take his coat while he and Billy settled further in with us.

Dinner lasted well into the evening and was full of the kind of laughter I had greatly missed. Billy had us all doubled over with some of his older stories from when he and Charlie were younger and far more reckless.

"I don't believe you, Billy." I bellowed, hugging my stomach from the laughter that stole my breath. "I'm sorry, but there's no way my dad ever went skinny dipping with Renee."

Charlie just shook his head as Jacob offered him his first beer of the night.

"Yeah, I'll definitely take one of those, son. Leave it to you, Billy! Telling all my secrets here!" He sarcastically drawled.

"I am not lying to you, Bella. I swear! That was your dad way back in the day. He was fearless I tell ya'. He even took your mother to the cliffs in La'Push for some dark diving one Summer night! Crazy as hell." Billy laughed, as he continued on with his tall tales.

The mention of this made my laughter cease a little, as my gaze went to Jacob who shared my reminiscent stare. When my dark depression was at it's worst, I'd thrown myself off that same cliff, letting the waves take out their fury on me. That was a time I rarely thought of now. I was ashamed of my actions back then and that was the day that I decided enough was enough. I wouldn't have made it out of the water if it hadn't been for the man sitting across from me at the table. Jacob pulled me out of there, both physically and figuratively. He saved my life that day in more ways than just one.

The two of us seemed stuck back in that moment while Charlie and Billy carried on with their never ending banter. Jacobs rich gaze was loaded and it made me recall some of those days we'd shared. The ones filled with warm sodas and cold pizza in his garage. Damn, did I miss those times.

"So, tell me Jake, what's good for food around here besides my daughters cooking?" Charlie hedged, his question ripping the two of us out of memories past and leaving us catching up to the present.

"Um- well- there's this great seafood shack in town. Right on the water. You can see the whole harbour from the dining room. Bella took Clarissa and I there a few nights ago. We really enjoyed it. You should check it out while you're here. First time I've ever had Lobster and it was delicious."

"That' sounds good! Doesn't it, Billy?! We'll have to check this place out before we head home."

"Yeah, nothing like coastal Lobster. Only had it a few times myself, but it was years ago." Billy countered, as he dug into his roast and reached for second helpings of everything else. "By the way Bella, this dinner is the best I've had in months. You haven't lost your touch in the kitchen that's for sure."

His kind words brought a bright smile to my face.

"Well, thank you. I'm glad you like it."

"I second that, kiddo. It's a real treat to have your cooking again. Jacob, I'm jealous. I'm sure you've been eating well for your stay here?" Charlie sighed, as he leaned back in his chair and lightly patted his stomach.

"Yeah, she's been great to us."

Billy placed a hand on Jacobs arm with this and I saw the sincere relief reflected in his tired gaze when he spoke this time.

"You look good, son. Rested even."

Jacob merely nodded to his father in return, as I got up from the table and began to pull out the many pies from the fridge for dessert.

When everyone was more than stuffed, I put on some fresh coffee and started clearing the table while Jacob built a nice fire.

"There's a real art to how you do that, huh? Didn't know the wood had to be stacked a certain way? Maybe that's why I was always so darn lousy at keeping any kind of campfire going." Charlie griped.

"Well, it's not really art but you there is a method to it. See, you can't build a fire with the hickory wood on the bottom. It's a hard wood that belongs on the top of the pile in the fireplace. You won't get anywhere for a good fire if it's out of order." Jacob huskily stated.

"That explains it. I've had it all ass backwards this whole time. I just learned something new. Thanks son." Charlie huffed.

"No problem, chief."

"I bet Bella's been able to rest a bit easier having you around the house? Girl was scared of her own shadow for the longest time, now look at her out here all on her own. Things sure have a way of changing." Charlie stated, his words causing me to still there by the sink as it filled with sudsy water.

"I've been the one to sleep better when she's around, so- yeah- things do have a way of changing sometimes." Jacob replied to him.

I softly shook my head as I thought back to all the nights I'd crept out into the living room, and watched him sleep on the couch while sitting by that very fire. He was oblivious to this- well at least he pretended for my sake to be anyway. There was something about the simple act of watching him sleep that quieted something inside me. Something I couldn't put words to and something that left me more content than I had been in a long time.

"Bella?"

The sound of Billy's baritone startled me as I turned around and saw him there behind me.

"Billy, you jumped me." I chuckled.

"Sorry, dear. Just wanted to say thank you so much for the meal and for what you've done for my boy and for Clarissa. Jacob looks like himself again. I can tell Maine agrees with him. If you know what I mean?"

"It's been nice to have him and Clarissa here. No need for a thank you, Billy." I kindly replied to him.

"So, this impromptu change of plans was that your idea or his?"

"All mine." I sighed, as I left the many dishes there in the sink to soak.

"I thought maybe it might be. Have to say I was genuinely surprised when Charlie showed up at my door before the rising sun saying we had a plane to catch that was headed for Maine."

"I know it was sudden and I really appreciate you coming on such short notice. I wanted to give Clarissa and Jacob the kind of Christmas they deserved."

"Well, by the looks of things, I'd say you brilliantly succeeded." He hedged.

"Thanks, Billy. I've missed you."

"Oh, I've missed having you back in our neck of the woods more than you know. Say- uh- your dad and I bought a few things at the gift shop in the airport on our way here today. Thought maybe you could add this to the Christmas décor in here?"

I watched him pull a tiny box from his pocket and place it in my hand with a knowing smirk. I carefully lifted the lid and chuckled at the sight of the glittery mistletoe it held.

"Guess I forgot to add this, huh?" I chimed, glancing around to find the right place to hang it. I studied the kitchen entryway and decided that it was a good of a place as any. I grabbed the trusty step ladder and climbed to the top step, as I reached up and hung the mistletoe in the center archway, my balance now flimsy at best while I tried to steady myself. The ladder was older than I was and when the top step gave way, I braced myself for the inevitable fall. With any luck, maybe I wouldn't go down face first this time.

Billy's words were quick as he tried to wheel himself forward upon seeing the warn out ladder give way beneath me.

"Bella, be careful!"

The wood broke apart and I didn't have time to respond when a warm set of arms suddenly broke my fall.

"Careful, honey. You alright?"

His reaction time was faster than I'd ever known it to be. He was all the way in the other room with Charlie, but he'd knocked the ladder out of the way before taking hold of me and stopping my fall.

I let out a breath as his gaze lingered there on my face, his dark eyes taking in my stunned reaction like he already knew where my thoughts were.

"T-Thank you. I've been meaning to get rid of that old thing."

Jacob placed me back on my feet and picked up the scattered pieces of wood on the floor as he glanced up at the still hanging mistletoe above us.

"Sure you're okay?" He asked again.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks to you."

He tossed the broken remains of the step ladder into the nearby trash and noted the late hour.

"I better get Clarissa off to bed."

"Want me to warm her a bottle?"

"No, honey. That's alright. Stay out here and visit with your dad. I'll take care of it. There's a good fire going in there."

"Thank you." I sighed, straightening out my clothes and helping Billy into the living room where Charlie was waiting.

Shortly after eleven, both our dads were down for the count and I could only chuckle at the familiar sound of their not so soft snoring.

"I think they've had it for the day." I noted, as Jacob covered Billy with the afghan laying on the back of my couch.

"I think you're right." He hedged in return. "Travelling will do that to you. Been a long day for them. Your place has that effect on people. Makes them comfortable."

I switched the lights off in the kitchen as the tea kettle began to whistle on the stove and soon poured myself some earl grey.

"Thanks for not letting me fall to my death today." I joked to him then with half a smile.

"Catching you is what I'm here for, right?" He lightly teased me in return.

"That's one of the reasons...- among a few others."

He stilled there by the fire at my words and stared into the building flames with his reply.

"A few others?"

I crossed the living room, tip toeing around Billy and Charlie, as Jacob peered up at me.

"Okay, more than just a few. Mistletoe included." I softly admitted.

"Glad I'm still good for something." He sighed. "Bells, you did all this for us and I don't even have a proper gift for you yet."

He stood and turned from me to gaze out the bay window.

"You don't need to get me anything-"

"After everything you've done for me and Clarissa, it's the very least I can do."

I slowly approached him, my eyes taking in his handsome features as the moonlight touched his face.

"Don't you know?" I nervously asked, as he looked at me.

"Know what, honey?"

"Jake, you are my gift. You always have been, so don't worry another minute about not having something wrapped and under the tree for me. You've already taken care of that by just being here." I replied, reaching over for one of the bows placed on Charlie's package and sticking it on the front of his shirt with a sincere smile in place.  
"Like I said, you're my gift. You and Clarissa both are. I'll see you in the morning. Try to get some rest."

I quietly left the room then and peeked in on a sleeping Clarissa. She was content and dreaming.

"Merry Christmas, sweet girl."

The words left me just as a warm hand touched my arm. I stilled there as his husky words filled the silence.

"You're my gift too, honey."

I slowly turned to see his face inches from mine and I couldn't speak when he took another step closer. I felt the warmth from his closeness and it drew me into him like moth to a flame.

"You're priceless to me, Jake." I admitted in a breath to him as his hands slid up my back, his husky response enough to make me weak in the knees.

"I don't want to be away from you ever again."

"I promise you, I'll pack right after Christmas."

"... and that's what you really want?"

"I want you, Jake."

The sound of sudden stirring in the other room made us pause there face to face with each other. I slowly pulled back from him and he released me with a heavy sigh.

"I should get to bed." I whispered, slowly opening my door.

"Yeah, that's probably a good idea. See you in the morning."

I nodded and turned to go as he reached for me again with a whispered plea.

"I wanna kiss you."

"I want you to kiss me."

I barely got the last few words out before his lips were on mine.

**A/N: Hi guys! :-) I hope you enjoyed this lengthy update! Look for another tomorrow! Please leave a review! Thank you!**


	66. Chapter 66

**CHAPTER SIXTY-SIX**

**(JPOV)**

Her kiss was intoxicating and I felt the shiver that trailed up her body when my hand went into her lustrous hair, drawing her in as close as I could get her to me.

My father had always told me that while he understood the hype of a first real kiss, he tended to prefer the second, because it was thought out. It was highly anticipated. I understood exactly what he meant. Since her lips had tasted mine the first time, all I could think about was that second kiss.

When a rustling sound came from the living room again, she pulled away with a nervous look on her pretty face and I reluctantly let go of her.

"I'll see you in the morning?"

"I'll be here." I whispered to her, her lips lingering tantalizingly close to mine before she smiled and went in to her room.

I sucked in a breath and waited for the house to grow silent again, before checking in on Bella and Clarissa one more time. I stilled there in her bedroom doorway as she slept, content to simply watch her like that for the rest of the night. She was breathtaking. Her dark hair spanned around her on the pillow and her thick lashes casted shadows down on her cheeks from the soft glow of the moonlight that filled her room.

"Night, honey. Sweet dreams. I won't be gone long."

A few nights ago, Clarissa struggled to go back to sleep and she had insisted it was okay for her to sleep in her room, right next to her while I patrolled the perimeter. I thought it was asking a lot, but Bella wouldn't have it any other way. Clarissa rested comfortably beside her, in a sea of pillows that encased her so she wouldn't fall. I kissed her lightly on the cheek and left the house then, my destination already in mind before I phased.

I ran with new speed toward the Jones Farm, knowing he would be there when I arrived. I'd put this off long enough. I couldn't avoid it any longer. When I was less than a mile out from Gentry's property, he showed himself just like I knew he would. I sensed his phase in almost immediately and marveled at how clear our connection still was after all this time. He'd been on his own for a long time now.

"Hey- was wondering when you'd show." Gentry huffed, his massive frame coming into view just a few yards ahead of me, as I picked up my run and met him at the Farms border.

"I'm here aren't I?" I bitterly retorted, my tone less than friendly with him.

We had a lot of unsaid history and given his last stunt with Bella, I was already geared up for a fight with him.

"Oh, come on man. You're still pissed about that? I wasn't gonna really-"

"She didn't know that. You scared the hell out of her. Not too mention, had you pushed it any further, I would've ended your grizzly ass and you know it."

"I admit I've gone a bit rogue before and all, but I don't particularly delight in killing the innocent." He drawled.

"You shouldn't delight in it at all." I snapped back, skidding to a halt in front of him as he eyed me curiously.

"She really means something to you, huh? Tell me, did you picture her the whole time you were with Lilly?"

I growled menacingly at his ill thought out comment and he moved forward to meet my challenge.

"You don't get to speak her name. Not ever again." I angrily stated.

"Chill the hell out Jake, it was one night and a long ass time ago. We were both drunk. Don't remember much of it. You forgave her, why don't I get the same kind of forgiveness?"

"I knew I shouldn't have come here. Paul's an absolute idiot for suggesting it." I huffed, as the unwanted memories of that time filled my head. "This is a waste of my time. You're still the same old ignorant and miserable ass that you were a few years ago. Why should I be surprised."

"Believe it or not, it wasn't my intention to screw things up for you. You weren't there and I didn't know that she was-"

"You did know! Don't play this fucking game with me again, Gentry. You were looking to hurt someone because you hated Billy-"

"I still hate him. Ignorant Bas-" He roared to me in reply.

"Careful." I snapped back, bringing myself a few steps closer.

"Alright, Alright. Can we drop all the screwed up baggage and get to the real reason why I summoned you to begin with? We got a real problem here, man."

"I already know, I've been tracking them for over a week now. The clan is big and unfamiliar. Every time I get close, they take a different path. I think they know we're onto them." I replied, trying to refocus my attention on the matter at hand and forget the rest.

"Probably." He agreed, turning his head toward the barn with a low growl. "I need your help to end them or send them back from wherever they came from. I'm good with either one. I've lost enough livestock from their thirsty appetites and I can't stand to lose anymore. So, what do you say, will you help me with these leeches or?"

"Why should I?" I haughtily countered, half turning from him in defiance. "Give me one good reason."

"Cause despite what I stupidly did in the past, we're still brothers, Jake. Not that it matters now, but if I could go back and redo things, I would. You're right, I was angry then, pissed at the world. I wanted to spread that hurt out."

"Yeah- well- damage is done-." I sharply hedged.

"Over one fucking night? One minor error in judgement. Are you kidding me?" He fumed.

"You screwed my wife. I wouldn't call that a minor error in judgement, Gentry. You're lucky Sam was there to intervene then, or you wouldn't be here for this conversation." I reminded him.

"Oh yes, good ole Sammy Boy. Let's not forget the real reason why Lilly was there in that bar to begin with. The two of you had been fighting for weeks and she went out with Leah and Emily to take her mind off things. Well, at least, that's what she told me after her fifth shot of whiskey. I paned her for a lightweight, but I was wrong, she held her alcohol better than most of the other girls I'd seen in there that night."

My blood was boiling.

I had blocked out most of that time and his words were bringing it all back for me and I hated it.

"You know what? I don't think you need my help with this. You can catch these bloodsuckers on your own, Gentry. If not, call someone else to help your sorry ass." I growled.

"Okay man, you got me. I'll shut up, but you should know, I am sorry." He quickly conceded.

"... and you should know that forgiving and forgetting are two different things. We almost didn't get past it."

"... but you did. You had Clarissa and it was pretty much happily ever after." He bit back.

"You have no fucking clue what you're talking about. Things were never the same with us, Gentry. Not even after Clarissa. So, if your intent was to spread turmoil, you far succeeded. It was a constant struggle, but we kept trying until-..." I paused then with a huff and turned away from him. I was fed up with our exchange already. It was fucking pointless just as I thought it would be.

"Take it for whatever it's worth, but I am sorry that you lost her. Despite our past, I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Lilly and I were friends long before I knew I had a half brother. Small world we live in, huh?"

"Yeah, too fucking small sometimes."

"You gonna help me out or not?" He asked, his tone edgy like my own now.

"I'll keep an eye on things back my way until the New Year. I won't be here after that. Headed back to Washington. Billy and Charlie are here for the holidays, but they won't be here long, either."

"Our dear pops is still well enough to travel?" He asked, his voice thick with sarcasm that was grating on my last damn nerve.

"He is."

Gentry moved back with a loud huff, before sinking down into the snow.

"He ever ask about me?"

"All the time." I replied.

"I really fucked things up back then, didn't I?"

"You could say that. Things could have been a lot different. You ostracized yourself. Didn't have to be that way." I sourly admitted.

"You nearly killed me that night and yet I'm the bad guy here?" He countered.

"You deserved everything you got. Sam did you a favor by stopping me." I growled to him. "If I'd had it my way, you'd be six feet under."

"You're never gonna let this go are you?" He bitterly retorted.

"No, not ever."

"Understood, Jacob. Understood." Gentry huffed, "But you can't seriously turn down the chance to keep these parts leech free. It's who we are and we're linked, like it or not."

"I'll keep the border clear." I agreed.

"...because of Clarissa and Bella, right?"

"There is no other reason." I clarified.

"Figured as much. I'll take whatever help you give. Is she going back to La'Push with you or sticking around these parts?"

"Why is that any of your damn business?"

"It's not, just wondering if I'll be losing a valued customer or not." He arrogantly quipped.

"You can bet on it."

"So, you told her about me? She knows what I am?"

"That stunt you pulled didn't leave me much of a choice."

"Like I said, I wasn't trying to hurt her-"

"You wouldn't want to- ever...-" I snarled to him. "Stay the hell away from her property. If I catch you lurking around there-"

"You'll what? Huh, Jacob? Are you threatening me now? That doesn't sound like the respectable and decent young man that our dad Billy brags about all the time. Wouldn't want to disappoint him, would you?"

"Back off, Gentry. I mean it. Don't push me with this. I don't have time for your games. You got what you wanted by coming after Bella- my attention. I'll keep up my end of the deal here if you can hold to yours. Stay away from that place."

"You have a deal, brother."

"Good."

I met his gaze with a solid nod in response then before taking off back toward Bella's, his parting words causing a feral growl to spill from me as I went.

"Till next time, Jacob."

I tore through the snowy forest with his words playing on repeat, the memories that came along with them making me angry as hell. Fire weaved through my limbs and I pushed forward, as the adrenaline pumped through my veins.

When I made it to Bella's yard, I phased back to human form and pulled on my jeans, my blood still heated from my long exchange with that ass.

I took the porch steps two at a time and halted there when Bella opened the front door, her eyes still heavy with sleep when she saw me there.

"There you are-" She sighed in relief, her half smile not hiding the worry that touched her rich brown gaze.

"Sorry, I went for a perimeter run. I should've told you."

She didn't speak, instead she wrapped her arms around me and pressed her head against my bare chest.

I held her there, the feel of her in my arms right now enough to calm the heated anger that was still festering.

Bella wasn't oblivious and when she spoke again, her voice was filled with sincerity.

"I think I know you better than most-..."

"...better than anyone."

"How is Gentry?"

I leaned back and met her gaze with confusion as she pulled me into the house.

"How did you-..."

"You're shaking and the look on your face tells me that you didn't just get back from a leisurely perimeter run. That's your 'I'm really pissed off but I don't wanna say why' face. Trust me, knowing you as long as I have, I know that look. I've seen it a few times."

I nodded and followed her into her room as Charlie and Billy snored on in their sleep.

She sat down on the bed and patted the place beside her.

"Talk to me... please?"

I let out a heavy sigh and spent the next few hours spilling the truth to her. I told her more of the details about Gentry and why things were so strained between us because of more than just Billy and his secret affair with Leanna all those years ago. Bella's expression changed from understanding and worried to borderline angry when I mentioned the real reason why the last few years for Lilly and I had been hard.

"It was more than just the post partum depression, Bells. Having Clarissa was our naïve attempt at trying to fix what was already broken. The first few years were great, but- there was just-... something missing...- an emptiness- and I tried to put things back together. We fought more than anything else and one night, I caught her with him. I lost it, Bells. It was back before I stopped phasing and if it hadn't been for Sam...-"

"You would have killed him...-" She finished for me, her voice barely a whisper as she looked down toward Clarissa.

I nodded and started pacing the floor in front of her as I continued.

"I wasn't blameless, either. I spent more time embracing the animal back then and it left her feeling alone-"

"That doesn't excuse it. I know how that feels though."

I turned my head and saw the far off look she wore when she said this.

"What do you mean, Bells?"

"I'm just saying that I know what it's like to feel a thousand miles away from where you actually are. To not be present all the time. That's one of the reasons I buried myself so deep in my work. Didn't leave much time for anything else. It was easier that way."

"I should have followed you here." I sighed.

"You can't think like that."

"But I do."

"Jake...-"

"It wasn't fair to you. The whole damn thing wasn't. I regretted that choice everyday, Bells. It was fucking selfish."

"I ran, Jake."

I turned and reached for her hands, pulling her up so we were eye level.

"I think that your pain and what you lost is linked to the imprint, honey. I really do. It's like- I can feel it. I know that sounds crazy but, I've been doing some research and everything Billy has found points to the same conclusion."

"You think us being apart made this happen?"

"Yeah, I do. Has it come back since we've been here? Since you and I aren't miles away from one another?" I hedged.

"No-..." She softly admitted.

I could see it, there in her gaze, that she too was starting to believe what I was saying.

**A/N: Okay are you guys still hanging in here with me? There were things that needed to be said. I know this was a loaded chapter but hold on, it does get smoother. Let me know your thoughts in a review and look for a new update tomorrow.**


	67. Chapter 67

**CHAPTER SIXTY-SEVEN**

**(BPOV)**

I stared into those endless dark eyes of his and it was plain to see that he whole heartedly believed what he was saying to me. That somehow, there was a connection between my years of suffering and the imprints steady pull. It made me reflect on when my pain started and when it grew worse and I had to admit that the timeline was a perfect fit to our separation.

"That's really possible? I just kind of thought maybe it was a far off theory? But you're saying...-"

"It's definitely possible, honey. The connection was always there- before the imprint took hold- you know that, right?"

His voice was strained when he asked me this and I knew he was fearing that I assumed our closeness had everything to do with the imprint and nothing to do with just us- with just Jake and Bells.

I decided that it was time for me to offer up some of my own truth to him.

"Of course I know that. I thought about you all the time after I left for Maine. I wanted you to do exactly what you did- move on- build a real family with someone who could actually give you one. The whole intent of the imprint was to carry on the gene. When I found out there was a real possibility that I couldn't have kids, I ran from you. It didn't make sense for me to stay-"

"I wish you would have." He admitted, turning his gaze toward the window with regret clearly written on his face.

"I knew you would never try to move on with me living so close and-..."

"Miles didn't matter." He truthfully stated. "They never did. They just made that ache in my heart for you worse."

"I thought the further I was-..."

"...the easier it would be for me to let you go?"

I silently nodded in response as he met my gaze again with his reply.

"Bells, I fell in love with you before the imprint and I loved you even more after it took hold. All that time and distance felt like this huge hole was punched through me. The love I had for you didn't leave when you did. It was a fixed point. It still is."

He laced his warm fingers through mine and I couldn't even speak from the intensity of his stare as he went on.

"I never stopped loving you, Bella. Not for one single day. When I met Lilly, I was days away from making the trip to Maine and telling you everything. If I had, maybe things wouldn't be so screwed up. I could have stopped that hurt from ever touching you. Just by acknowledging the imprint, instead of fighting against it."

"Nothing was ever the same without you." I softly replied.

"I know the feeling."

"I second guess my choice all the damn time. I was empty for a long time until my position at the hospital made me numb to it all."

"Did you know - back then- how much you meant to me? That I loved you?"

I nodded and pulled him out into the kitchen with me, the two of us trying not to disturb our fathers.

"Here-..." I sighed heavily as I took out Lillians letter from the drawer and handed it over to him. "You really need to read this."

"I'm not sure that I'm ready to."

"What she says is true and beautiful, Jake. Despite all you two were dealing with, her love for you was evident in this note she sent Martha. Please read it."

He nervously took the note from my hand and hunkered down there with it at the kitchen table. I turned to leave him be, so he could have the privacy he deserved to read that letter, but his choked baritone made me stop where I was before I got very far.

"Bells, please stay with me."

I sat down across the way from him as the sun began to rise with the start of a new day. After a few minutes of silence, I could see the emotion that welled in his gaze.

I watched as the grief took hold of him in a wave that was both sudden and heartbreaking. He pushed back out of his seat and looked like he was torn between bolting for the forest and staying here.

"She knew." He gasped, his face awash with the same kind of shock mine had been.

"Yeah, she knew, Jake. Maybe even better than we did."

He stared ahead at my front door, as his tremors began to grow. He wanted to escape this, to forget about what he'd just read, but he couldn't. He shot a desperate look my way and for the first time since he'd arrived here, I was reminded of the terrified teenager who was thrown head first into a life he didn't ask for. A life he was burdened to carry because of things that were far beyond his control. Just as Lillians letter had stated.

I stood and reached for the door, holding it open for him as his tremors rocked through his taut body with renewed vigor. The wolf was crawling at him to be free and to push all this away. I felt my heart begin to break at the sight of his struggle while he held my gaze. Running is what he was used to, but it wouldn't solve anything and I knew this better than most cause I'd done it before.

Jacob crossed the room in three long strides and I held my breath as I waited for him to breeze past me on his way to the dawn of the Maine forest, but he didn't do that, instead he took hold of me and swung the door closed.

"I did lose my smile when I lost you, Jake. I lost everything when I lost you." I whispered, as I wrapped my arms around his neck and felt his tremors begin to slow.

The suns rays soon invaded the dimly lit kitchen and he pressed me in closer to him with his husky reply.

"We were made to be so much more than what happened to us, honey."

The sound of footsteps coming into the kitchen made our conversation stop and I saw the dread that touched his face as Charlie entered to room with a tired huff.

"Morning you two. Billy and I crashed last night. Sorry about that. I guess travelling can do that to you?"

"Morning, Charlie. No worries. Glad you got some rest." Jacob replied.

"That couch of your isn't half bad, Bella." Charlie teased, reaching for the coffee with a loud yawn.

"I'll make a fresh pot before we leave. I have a few errands to run this morning in town with Jake. Think you and Billy can hold the fort down here till we get back?" I asked.

"Course, kid. What has you rushing into town on Christmas Eve?" Charlie hedged, as he took a haul from his mug.

"A dress and a suit." I admitted, almost laughing at his wide eyed expression.

"Excuse me?" He chuckled. "Did I miss something?"

"There's a ball at the Hospital tonight that I'm attending and Jake here is accompanying me to it. Neither of us have anything to wear."

"Got it, well that sounds really nice and it will give me some time to grab a few last minute things I need for Christmas tomorrow. Hope you kids have fun." Charlie replied with what appeared to be a genuine grin on his face.

"We'll try, but no promises." I sighed.

"Don't worry, Chief. I promise to get her back home before midnight tonight." Jacob huffed, as he patted Charlie's arm on his way to the guest room.

"Oh, I'm not worried, and who cares what time it is when you get back? Are you gonna turn into a pumpkin when the clock strikes twelve?" He joked and I rolled my eyes at him.

Jacobs sincere answer made Charlie drop the laughter and look my way.

"No way, Charlie. Her beauty is the real deal. No magic fairy godmothers needed. See you in the car in ten, Bells. I'll start it so it has a chance to warm up a bit."

I watched him pull on a clean shirt and warm a bottle for Clarissa before he headed outside to wait for me.

Charlie followed his movements and when he assumed that Jacob was out of ear shot, he dropped the forced smile and approached me.

"Things have picked back up right where you two left them all that time ago, haven't they?"

"Would it be so terrible if they did?"

"Bella, …" Charlie sighed, running a hand over his tired face as I leaned in and kissed him on the cheek with my parting words.

"Don't worry, dad. I know the kind of heart he has and how much it's been through lately. I won't break his or my own this time. I've learned that Sometimes the breaking is what it takes to make it beat better the second time around."

"You're coming back to Washington with us when the New Year rings in, aren't you? Guess it's a damn good thing I didn't rent out your old room, huh?"

I merely nodded and saw the knowing smirk that lit up his face in return.

"Yeah, guess it is."

**A/N: I hope you guys enjoyed this short update. Do you think they could start over and build something new? Till next time...**


	68. Chapter 68

**CHAPTER SIXTY-EIGHT**

**(JPOV)**

Bella drove through town with a cheerful smile and I couldn't recall a time when I'd seen her look this happy. She beamed with Christmas spirit as she pointed out the many rows of red ribbon wreaths that decorated the busy sidewalks along the way. When we arrived at the boutique I saw her eyes light up when she spotted the owner flipping over the open sign with a wave to us.

"Come on, Jake." She hedged, taking me by the hand and holding open the door.

The place was filled from floor to ceiling with every kind of dress and suit attire one could imagine. I felt entirely out of my comfort zone but damn, if seeing that dimpled grin on her face didn't make me all but forget where we were at times. Her happiness was infectious and I watched as she determinedly dug through the endless hangers, in search for something that caught her attention.

"Too plain... too dressy... too much.-" She fretted while she went, and I chuckled at her newfound conundrum. Truth was, she'd look gorgeous in whatever she chose... or-... in nothing at all.

I shook my head silently at the thought and tried to refocus my attention on the dresses she gathered in her arms, but despite my best effort, the thought remained there.

"What do you think of this one?" Bella soon asked, waving the long black dress in front of my face with an eager expression.

"Doesn't do you justice." I honestly stated, seeing her eyes widen in response to my blunt interest in her attire. "Keep looking, honey. You'll find it."

She smiled and stuffed the black satin dress back onto the overcrowded clothes wrack to her left, her blush easy to see when my gaze settled on her beautiful face.

"Alright, but you know me, I'm not one for dressing up. If I can't find something in here then there really is no hope for me." She lightly teased.

My eyes scanned the sea of lace and velvet material that was scattered in every corner of this place while a voice softly spoke up behind me.

"Is there anything that you're looking for specifically? Anything I could help you with this morning?"

I turned and saw the older woman with kind hazel eyes approach us with a welcoming grin as Bella sighed in frustration.

"Well, that depends. Pen Bay Medical Center is throwing their annual Christmas Banquet tonight and we have nothing to wear."

The womans face brightened when she heard this and it wasn't long before she was taking measurements on us both.

"I'm Shirley, by the way, and I'll be happy to assist you." She stated to me, while jotting down the right measurements she needed on paper. "You're tall and well built, I'm sure we have something for you in the back. Let me take a gander and I'll be right back."

"Thank you, Shirley." Bella replied, glancing around at some of the more elaborate gowns.

"This is a nice place. Good thinking, Bells."

"It's been here for almost twenty years I've heard. Was a family owned business till last year. Always doing some kind of sale which, if you look at some of these prices, is a good thing." She replied, reaching out to touch the lace of a stark white ball gown that looked more like a wedding dress than something someone would wear to a prom or a banquet.

She studied the detail of this gown with a far away look that made me step closer to her. I glanced down at the price tag and let out a disbelieving huff.

"That can't be right? They want five hundred for this?"

Bella merely nodded and released the fabric as she nervously bit down on her bottom lip with a slight shrug.

"Some people have that kind of money to burn. Must be nice, huh?"

"...or a whole other form of lonely. Depends on how you look at it." I countered as Shirley came back out with her petite arms full of an arrangement of dresses and suits she'd pulled from the back room inventory.

"Here we are, dears. These four are for you and these here are yours to try on." She stated, handing me my suits and Bella her pile of dresses all ranging in color. "The fitting rooms are right on back there. Just around the corner."

We followed to where Shirley pointed and were soon on opposite sides of the store as we tried on what she'd given us.

I put on the first suit and had to chuckle when I noticed that the pants were high waters. Dressing a shifter wasn't an easy job and I handed it to Shirley for trying her best. After two more strike outs, I grabbed the third navy blue suit with matching cuff links and began to pull it on. To my surprise, it fit and was actually comfortable.

"Well, what do you know." I huffed, looking at my reflection in the full length mirror provided on the wall with and liking what I saw.

The suit was sharp. I had to admit that. Shirley had done real well with her selection for me.

I stepped out of the dressing room and froze where I stood when I caught a glimpse of Bella's backless silver gown while she gazed at her reflection in the three way mirrors. Shirley was quickly taking more measurements and helping her with the many buttons that stopped just above her lower back.

The sight of her knocked the wind out of me, as I braced myself against the door frame and continued to stare.

"Is it comfortable?" Shirley asked, going about her adjustments before placing a pair of black heels at Bella's feet.

"Yeah, I like it. I mean- if you don't think it's too much or- too revealing? I'm not used to wearing stuff like this." Bella nervously countered, and I had to remind myself that breathing was essential for me to keep living.

I drew in a needed breath of air then as she whirled around and looked toward the floor, her hands going into her hair while she pulled out the elastic that held it up in a high bun. Her hair was still damp from her morning shower and I couldn't stop the images that came with that line of thought.

Everything around us faded out when her thick hair fell down her bare back and I felt my heart shatter from the breathtaking sight of her beauty. A beauty she had no ide she even held.

"It's absolutely perfect on you. This dress fits your frame well and the material allows for some breathability. Don't want to be uncomfortable all night."

It was clear by the timid look Bella wore that she was second guessing her choice, and I could hardly blink when she turned herself around once again and saw me standing there from afar.

Our eyes met and I felt like I was a teenager all over again, fumbling like a damn idiot for the right thing to say or do.

I knew she could see it there in my gaze, even from this far across the room, that I was rendered speechless by her.

Shirley seemed to take notice of my reaction and she smiled while collecting her things and straightening the thick framed glasses on her face.

"Too much?" Bella worriedly hedged, sweeping her long locks over to one shoulder, as my gaze took in the front of the silver gown. Thin straps held the dress up against her perfect silhouette, and a low neckline rimmed with a delicate lace quickly captured my complete focus. "Jake?"

"It's... perfect. Y-You're beautiful, honey." I stammered.

The sight of her, every last detail, felt burned into my mind.

How could she not know how damn perfect she was?

"You look so handsome. That's a great suit." She replied, her blush now deepening as Shirley directed her forward.

"Come with me, Bella. Let's get that shawl out front to complete the look?" Shirley requested.

I could only stare as Bella nodded and went along with her.

When she was out of sight, I pressed my back harder against the fitting room door and listened as their conversation carried on.

"Thank you for helping us. I didn't really think we'd be able to find something to wear on such short notice like this." She softly admitted.

"Glad I could help you. I'm sure this banquet will be a fun event. Lovely looking couple you two make."

I leaned my head back against the door, listening intently to Bella's response to Shirley's assumption.

"Well, we're- he's-... I'm-..." She struggled, her voice shaky with nerves now.

"It's alright, dear. You don't have to tell me what it is that has you so flustered. I was only assuming-"

"He is very special to me." Bella clarified. "I've known him since we were just kids. He's always been there for me. We were friends- best friends."

"Were?" Shirley questioned.

I caught the way Bella's heart began to race at this and I lifted my head, closing my eyes and waiting for her answer.

"We lost sight of each other for a long time. Got off track, you could say." She truthfully sighed.

"Seems to me that you've found your way back to one another now though?"

"Yeah, we did, but it came with a lot of loss and a lot of heartache. I wish I could say it was under different circumstances."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, but in my time I've learned that it doesn't really matter how you find your way back to someone- only that you do." Shirly replied. "I've only had one man look at me the way that your best friend just looked at you and I've been married to him now for forty- seven long years. His name is Benjamin and he is my one and only. He inspired me to run off here to Maine with him. Can you believe I was a California girl when we first met? Way back when my waist was much smaller and my hair a bright shade of summer blonde." Shirley reminisced, her tone sincere. "Oh, I tell you, those were the days. My parents thought I was crazy for leaving everything like I did, but when my Benjamin kissed me on the beach and begged me to go with him in the late Summer of 1964, I dropped everything and followed that Blue eyed boy anywhere he wanted to go. The rest is just history really."

"That sounds really wonderful, Shirley." Bella softly sighed in return.

"It was, dear. We had our fair share of hardships along the way, of course, but we got through them. You see, what we longed for didn't come so easy to us. Once we found our forever home, we wanted to fill it with children, but my body had other plans."

"You never had children?"

"We tried and tried for so long that it started to make us forget what we had with each other. We decided that nothing was truly worth that."

"I'm so sorry to hear that, Shirley." Bella whispered, her tone full of a tangible heartache that made my own chest grow tight in response.

"Our story didn't end there. You see, we filled out all the papers needed for adoption but as it turned out, and against all the odds of the doctors, we went on to have a son when I was forty- five. He was the best and most perfect surprise we had ever received. Just goes to show ya' that doctors don't always know everything. I hope that doesn't offend you, dear? You mentioned the Pen Bay banquet tonight, so you must work there?"

"You haven't offended me at all. I'm so glad you and your husband got your blessing. It's true, doctors don't always know everything."

"Thank you, dear." Shirley replied.

"I hope it's not too presumptive of me to ask but, will this be a date for the two of you? If so, we have some lovely flowers that we have delivered here all year round if you're-"

"Thank you for the offer, but I don't think that we'll be needing them. I think the dress and suit will do just fine for now."

I waited there for them to return and when Shirley approached me to adjust my suit, she pointed to where the roses were and smiled.

"We have dozens to choose from. In case, you change your mind." She hinted.

We were done with the fittings, and purchased my suit and Bella's dress within the hour. We both thanked Shirley for her kind help on this Christmas Eve and when I insisted on paying her, she pushed my card back to me with her heartfelt and unexpected reply.

"Merry Christmas to you both."

Bella and I exchanged a disbelieving glance and did little to hide our shock from her gift to us.

I made sure Bella was in the car before turning back and catching Shirley once more with a final request.

"Forget something, sir?" She questioned when she saw me come running back into her shop.

"Yeah, actually I did. I was just wondering how late you'd be open today? Bella mentioned something about noon time for the holiday hours?"

"Yes, that's right, but if you need something particular and at a later time, I'd be happy to accommodate you in any way I could?" She obliged.

I eyed the nearby case of fresh roses and reached out for two bundles that I placed on the counter, the sight of my wedding band stopping me cold where I was as the familiar sense of guilt returned to me once more.

Shirley saw my sudden hesitation and followed my stare. She nodded silently then, in a way that made it seem as if she somehow understood the unsaid.

"I will keep these all here for you until four tonight. I have some cleaning to do before I head home for a family Christmas Eve Dinner. So, should you decide you need them, they'll be here, ready and waiting for you, sir."

The subtle light from the overhead lamp glinted off my silver band and I struggled to speak as she gingerly placed her hand over mine. I raised my head when she offered up the kind of sincere advice I was used to getting from Billy these days.

"There's an old saying about grief and how it knows no right or wrong, how it has no time or rules attached to it. We all deal with that part of life in our own way. For whatever loss you may have endured recently sir, I am truly sorry, but maybe, just maybe, love ends and then starts again? I've been doing work for Charlotte's boutique for almost ten years now and I've never seen a man look at a woman the way you just looked at that one waiting in the car for you. My husband has always said that the eyes are like a window to the soul for us. I'd dare say that if that's indeed the case, your soul and hers are one in the same."

I looked out the window where the car was parked and saw Bella anxiously peering out toward the shop when she said this.

"One in the same." I admitted in an echo to Shirley, as she nodded and placed the roses aside for me to pick up later.

I thanked her again and wished her a Merry Christmas, before I joined Bella in the car and the two of us headed back through town.

When we reached Bella's, both Billy and Charlie were in fits of robust laughter over the faces Clarissa was making, and it brought a smile to our faces from the sight of them in such a state.

As the day wore on, I tackled some of the wood pile that needed splitting out back and paused half way through the job when Charlie came outside to join me. He hunkered down on the largest stump there was and looked expectedly my way.

"What? Clarissa okay?" I asked, bringing the axe down for another clean split as he glanced at the growing pile.

"I'm just sitting her wondering if you've got anything on your mind, son? I know you've been through a lot."

I gathered the many large pieces of wood and stacked them by Bella's back door, so she wouldn't have to come out in the cold at night when the fire got low and I wasn't here with her.

I'd stacked enough to last her a solid two weeks at least.

"I'm okay, Chief. But thanks for asking. I mean that." I sincerely replied.

"No problem, son. Still got a few good dad talks left in me if you need one."

Charlie looked toward the snowy Maine woods and took a sip of his coffee as I continued to work. After a few more minutes, he zipped up his coat a little further and seemed content to merely sit and watch me pile the wood.

"I could ask you the same thing, Charlie." I soon mused. "Something on your mind?"

Charlie chuckled with a nod and set his mug of coffee in the snow next to him.

"Is it that obvious?"

"I've known you my whole life, so yeah, it is. What's up, Chief?" I hedged, hoping he wouldn't make me keep guessing what it was that had brought him out here in the first place.

"Yeah, okay. You got me. Truth is Jake, I've been in that house all morning wondering if you've told Bella how much you still love her or if her moving back to Washington is just on a whim?"

The axe in my hand slipped at his comment and I was lucky that it missed my leg, as I dropped it into the snow and met his fatherly gaze.

I let out a heavy sigh of relief and glanced down to my left hand. Charlie's eyes followed my own and he got to his feet as he placed a firm hand on my shoulder.

"Hey son, I didn't mean to hit a nerve, but I see the way she looks at you and I like to think I still know my girl fairly well. She loves you too, Jacob. Plain to see. What you two have doesn't need time limits or definitions if you're not ready for that. I think you know she would understand that? Just remember, you both have to be honest with each other. Even if it hurts. Its the only way you'll grow."

I nodded to him then as Bella opened the back and told us that lunch would be ready soon.

"We'll be right in, kiddo."

Charlie patted me on the back before heading in after her, leaving me alone with my thoughts as I stacked the last few pieces of wood and looked toward the cloudy sky above me.

I slowly pulled the single silver band from my trembling left hand and held it tightly in my fist before letting it fall into my jeans pocket.

**A/N: This was a big chapter for Jake and I hope you enjoyed it! Another will be posted tomorrow evening. Until the next time, please leave a review with your thoughts and stay safe :-)**


	69. Chapter 69

** CHAPTER**** SIXTY**-NINE

**(BPOV)**

I slid the silver dress up over my slim curves and paused there in front of the mirror when I caught the first glimpse of my reflection. I never wore fancy dresses, but there was something about this one that I found simply stunning. The elegance in the lace detail complimented my thin frame, and I smiled as I thought of what Jacobs reaction had been at the boutique.

His gaze was hard to miss and his reaction alone had sent an unexpected shrill through me. We'd shared a lot of loaded glances these days, but nothing like that one. I swore, his burning stare had sparked something in me that hadn't come alive in a long time.

I took my time getting ready, the anticipation of the night alone enough to have me already nervous, while I carefully applied my makeup and curled the ends of my hair. When the sun began to set, I checked the time and gasped at the already late hour. It was nearly four-thirty and the banquet was scheduled to start at six. The sound of a light knock to my door made me stumble as I slipped into the black high heels I'd purchased with the dress earlier today.

"Yes?" I timidly answered, secretly hoping it wasn't Jacob yet.

"Bella? It's Charlie. Can I come in?"

I cracked open the door, checking to be sure he was alone and smiling when I saw his wide eyed expression as he came in the room.

"It's over the top, isn't it?" I sighed nervously to him while he continued to stare.

"Wh-What-... N-No- it's-... I'm - Sorry kiddo- you're gonna have to give your old dad here a minute. I'm not used to seeing you all dressed up. Bella, you look beautiful. I mean- wow...-"

I blushed vividly at his compliment and turned to take a final look in the mirror, before adding a pearl necklace to complete the attire.

Charlie sat down on the edge of my bed, his silence making me all the more nervous now.

"Don't worry, dad. We'll be home before curfew." I teased, securing the final strap on my right heal with a soft chuckle.

"Oh, I'm not worried about that. You and Jacob deserve a night like this. Stay out as long as you want. Billy and I are looking forward to spending the evening with Clarissa. She's endless entertainment that one. Such a sweet girl." He huffed to me in reply.

"Yes, she sure is. Growing so fast, too." I sighed, taking a seat next to him on the bed.

"She's already attached to you, Bella. I can tell." Charlie admitted, reaching down and taking my hand in his with a gentle squeeze. "... and I think it's safe to say that she's not the only one."

I met his gaze, seeing his sincere expression when he said this and it made me squeeze his hand back in return.

"No, she isn't." I softly hedged.

"You've built a life here, kiddo. It's something I'm damn proud of you for, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't want you to come back home about as bad as he does. Missed you a lot over the years." He confessed to me.

"I've missed you too, Dad." I replied, glancing over at the empty suitcase that was laid open at the other end of my bed.

"When you were just a teenager, I used to think that you and Jacob were bound to end up together. Billy and I even placed bets on when it would happen at one point. Foolish as hell, I know." He mused with a laugh then and I simply shook my head at their antics. "You leaving for Maine was the last thing I thought would happen. For almost a full year after you moved here, Billy thought for sure that Jacob would follow you. Sooner or later."

I bit my tongue at this, knowing how much of the truth Charlie still wasn't privy to and being mindful to keep it that way.

"His life was there. On the Reservation and with Billy." I replied.

"Billy told me how close he was to coming after you right before he met Lilly."

I nodded, seeing the concern not hidden there in my fathers brown eyes and voicing what it was that he seemed to be struggling to get out right now.

"... you think I'll change my mind, don't you? That when push comes to shove, I won't really leave here?"

Charlie nodded and released my hand as he stood from the bed and sighed.

"He's still grieving, Bella. If you were to bail last minute-"

"I wouldn't do that." I firmly countered, rising to my feet and meeting his stare. "I care... _a lot_."

Charlie's face softened when he caught the emotion there in my tone. He placed his hands on my shoulders and lowered his head further down to my level with his reply.

"You feel a lot more than just _care_ for Jake. I might be old but I'm not a fool. Moving your life back to Washington after all this time isn't something you do because you just care for someone, Bella. It's -... well- it's something you do when-"

"...-you love them." I timidly stated, as I raised my head and saw the knowing look he wore. "You already knew that, didn't you?"

"Since you were eighteen...-yeah."

"He's part of me, dad. I can't be without him anymore. I need him." I truthfully stated, as he released me and heard Jacobs voice carry down the hall while he said goodbye to Billy for the night. Charlie leaned in and placed a kiss on my forehead with his parting words then.

"You're part of him, too. He's loved you in one way or another for as long as I can remember, so-"

"Have faith in me, dad."

"I do, kiddo. I do. Have a good time tonight."

I kissed him on the cheek and grabbed my shawl from the back of the door, before wandering down the hall and pausing when I heard Billy's words to me.

"You look absolutely radiant tonight, Bella. Jacob just pulled the car up for you. Starting to snow out there. You two be careful on the drive home later."

"Thank you, Billy. We will be safe. I made two more bottles for Clarissa and put them in the fridge on the top shelf. There's a clean sleeper for her in the dryer and a towel laid out with her favorite rubber ducky for her bath. She usually loves extra bubbles lately."

"Thank you for doing all that. You two enjoy yourselves this evening. Don't worry about rushing home. We'll hold down the fort for you till you return."

I smiled and headed outside into the snow, my breath hitching when Jacob met me there with a dozen red roses in his hand. He looked as handsome as I'd ever seen him when he reached for me.

"These are for you, honey." He whispered.

"They're so beautiful."

"No, you're beautiful." He sighed.

"Thank you. I have to say, you look pretty sharp yourself."

"I did my best to clean up." He chuckled. "Is it okay if I drive us there?"

I nodded as he led me to the car and held open the door for me. I secured my seatbelt when he climbed in the drivers seat and turned out of the winding drive.

By the time we arrived, everyone I knew was there and the banquet was in full swing. Natalie spotted us first and rushed over to greet us both, her dress a shade of royal blue and absolutely stunning on her.

"You look wonderful!" I told her, as she hugged me and offered Jacob a welcoming grin.

"Well, thank you, but have you looked in a mirror tonight! I mean- wow Bella- you're a knockout. That dress is to die for! Where did you get it?"

"Thanks, you're too kind." I replied. "We went to Charlotte's and they were a big help. I wasn't even sure if I was gonna come but Jake insisted, so-"

"I'm so glad you both came! Tina and Callie have been waiting to see you! They're over by the mini bar! Speaking of which, do you want me to get you guys something to drink? They have plenty to choose from over there!" Natalie excitedly offered.

I looked over my shoulder as Jacob tentatively trailed his warm fingertips down my bare arm in search for my hand. Natalie noticed this gesture from him almost immediately and the huge grin she wore made my blush return.

"Maybe we'll pass on the alcohol for now, but we'll be sure to check it out." I replied, as Tina and Callie came rushing over.

"Bella!" They both called out, waving with infectious grins our way while the music played on.

The entire hospital cafeteria had been transformed into a ball room, with fine red velvet table clothes on each table and blinking Christmas lights in every corner. There was even a disco ball hanging from the tall ceiling. They had gone all out this year and it appeared as if everyone was already enjoying their efforts.

Callie reached for me first, the sight of her back on two legs making me almost cry in relief when she hugged me tight. She was healing at a good pace and her physical therapy was going well the last time she had texted me. She was still on light duty at the hospital and she hated the restrictions from it, but it was better than the alternative, which was continuing on with her temporary leave.

"Come here, girl." She brightly beamed, holding me close in her embrace, before handing me off to an excited Tina. By the looks of them, they had already indulged in their fair share of alcohol at the mini bar. "Look at the two of you! Hello GQ magazine. You guys look like you stepped right off the cover."

Tina laughed along with Callie and Natalie at this, all of them happy to see us and very complimentary of the attire we wore. I merely shook my head from the unwanted attention as Jacob wrapped an arm around my waist with his hearty chuckle.

We spent the first half hour catching up and sharing memories for old times sake of some of our wildest adventures we'd had in the ER.

Callie's playful tune soon changed when she recalled a few of the scarier traumas this year had held and Tina wrapped a supportive arm around her shoulders in response to how visibly shaken she looked.

"I don't think I'll ever be able to repay you for that day, Jacob. If you hadn't been there-" Callie began, her tone wavering some.

"Yeah, if we haven't told you enough times already. Thank you for what you did." Tina sincerely stated to Jacob.

"No thanks needed. I was just at the right place at the right time." He humbly countered. "Could have been anyone else."

"Handsome and humble? Really? Are you kidding me?" Tina smiled warmly at us, her gaze falling to the sight of our conjoined hands with a curious look my way.

After their third round of margaritas, they led us over to their table and invited us to join them there.

Jacob took my shawl and I stilled when the backs of his fingers brushed along the nape of my neck while he carefully removed it. His husky voice was at my ear and a shiver spilled down my spine when his warm breath ghosted against my skin at his words.

"You're the bell of the ball. Prettiest one in the whole room. No one here holds a candle to you."

I couldn't speak when he pulled out a chair for me and took two glasses of the offered wine that the catering staff was currently serving from a nearby tray.

"Thank you for coming with me tonight."

"There's no place I'd rather be, honey."

"Promise you're not too bored being here?"

"There's nothing boring about being with you." He earnestly stated, scooting his chair closer to mine.

The hospital paid for a seafood dinner that consisted of clams, a lobster bisque and several side dishes to go along with it. By the time the fifth course of the meal was going around, I'd had more than my fill and pushed my leftovers in Jake's direction. He never turned down food and this dinner was proving to be no exception.

"So, Jake what are your plans after the holiday season?" Natalie asked, eyeing the two of us curiously. "Are you heading back to Washington or-?"

"Yeah, that's the plan. Sometime after the New Year." He hedged, looking my way long enough that even Jon and Roman, who were seated with us and their wives, took notice.

"Man, we were really hoping you'd stick around this way. Could use another person for security here and you'd make a hell of a guard with your size and instincts." Roman offered up from across the table.

"Thanks, Roman. I truly appreciate the compliment, and I would but I have a lot that ties me to La'Push."

"It's alright, John and I get it, but we figured it was still worth a try. Had to at least give it a shot. Sure there's nothing that could persuade you otherwise?"

Jacob paused his responding comment and looked my way as my hand found his under the table.

"His whole life is back in Washington. It's where he needs to be." I softly interjected on his behalf.

Jon and Roman exchanged an understanding nod and dropped the topic then, and I was relieved they didn't feel the need to press the issue any further.

As the night steadily wore on, there were games and raffles, and a gift swap that ended in me receiving a bottle of my favorite Blueberry wine and a set of fluffy white mittens. Jacob was gifted with a coffee mug that featured the state logo on the front. The evening was turning out to be a lot more fun than I had anticipated it to be. There was a lot of laughter, which given everything we'd all been through in the past month, was surely needed.

I always believed that laughter was medicine to someones soul.

After the final raffle of the evening, there was a speech given by a few of our top managers about their appreciation for all of our hard work at the hospital during the pandemic scare. The speech was sincere and a round of applause erupted when they finished, and offered everyone gift cards to McGlaughlins seafood restaurant for a paid dinner on the night of our choosing. They certainly made us feel valued and it was a nice show of appreciation to the hospital staff.

Jacob seemed to really enjoy everyones company and had joined Roman and Jon at the dessert table while Tina, Callie and Natalie all pulled me onto the dance floor. I fought them the entire way and tried to avoid it, but in the end, their begging proved to be effective and I was soon surrounded by my coworkers, as we tried to keep pace with the beat. The hired DJ played anything from modern hip hop to Jazz and while it was fun, I knew that my newfound confidence in dancing was undoubtedly fueled by the two glasses of wine I'd had earlier. It had been just enough to calm my nerves and take some of the edge off. I wouldn't have been caught dead out there otherwise.

"Alright, now that we have you out here alone. What's the deal with you and Jake? You gotta' spill! I caught those looks between you two at the table." Tina inquired, her laughter infectious as she whirled around Callie and I among the sea of gold balloons that littered the floor beneath us. "You two are something else to watch! Totally on fire for each other. I mean, if a man ever looked at me like that-"

"Ugh- you'd melt or combust! I know I would!" Natalie stated to Tina.

"Oh, stop it." I blushed, with a shake of my head to her, knowing she wouldn't even recall half of our conversation come the morning given her margarita consumption.

"Leave her be, you two. She'll tell us when she's good and ready. Don't pry!" Callie thoughtfully defended. "I, for one, am happy to see a real smile on your face for once. I don't care who put it there, but if you want my two cents, I say hold onto him. There's definitely something there."

Even though her comment was meant in good fun, her words were not lost on me. This was the first time my smile had felt genuine in years.

After countless upbeat songs, we were all breathless as we found our way back to the table. Callie and Tina stumbled into their chairs, as Natalie reached for another drink, and I could only laugh at their clumsiness. I nearly tripped on the hem of my dress, but Jakes hand caught mine before I could make a fool of myself and tumble to the floor. He smiled up at me and pushed himself away from the table as he guided me down into the chair with him.

There may have been dozens of other people around us but the way his dark gaze held mine made me forget all about them.

When the evening began to wind down, the music swiftly changed. Long gone was the rowdiness from before and a much more intimate scene started to unfold on the dance floor. Couples could be seen dancing cheek to cheek and I smiled at the sight of Jon and Roman out there with their beautiful wives.

I reached in my purse for my phone when I noticed it was already after ten.

"Here- I'll dial Charlie for you so you can call and check on Clarissa before it gets any later?"

"Yeah, that's a good idea. Thanks, honey. I'll be right back."

Jacob took the cell over to a secluded corner of the room, so he could hear Charlie and be sure Clarissa was settling in okay for the night. I couldn't take my eyes from him as he stood there, his navy suit looking as if it was made for him and accentuating his build in a way that had my heart racing out of my chest.

If I was the bell of the ball then surely he was the striking prince everyone had their eyes on. In our unfair world of crazy, he was what made the most sense to me. He always had been.

I watched him carry on his call with Charlie, the smile that touched his handsome face holding my devout attention while I reflected back on what Mrs. Dawson had said to me a few nights ago. What she'd told me had been on my heart ever since.

'_You only come across a genuine love like that once in a lifetime. The kind that time can't erase and miles can't make you forget about, and the kind that heals things inside you that you didn't even know were broken.'_

My attention was soon drawn to the love I saw between Jon and his wife while they swayed together on the dance floor. What they shared was purely real and beautiful.

The feel of a hand on my arm forced me to look up and see him there, and the adoring look he wore stole my breath away. He took my hand and sowly drew me up from the chair with his husky request.

"I've been meaning to ask you something all night, Bells. Will you dance with me?"

Though the wine had started to wear off, I took one look in his eyes and couldn't refuse him.

"Yes...-"

I followed him to the floor and my breath caught when the light dimmed further as a new song began to play. The musical ballad wasn't familiar to me in the least, and it wouldn't have mattered if it was because I couldn't concentrate on anything but the way I felt in his arms.

He took the lead and I willingly let him, my body pressed close to his as he gracefully pulled me closer and started to dance. His warm fingers threaded through mine, and he exuded nothing but smooth confidence when he moved his left foot back in a fluid motion as it slid across the slick floor. I followed after him without ever breaking his stare. It was the simplest act of trust between us, but it made my heart skip a beat and I could tell in the way he held me that he could hear it. Jacob dipped forward and looked deep into my eyes as his fingers spanned over my ribs before moving to my lower back. The very feel of his hand skimming over the bare skin there made me let out a small gasp. I melted into him when we fell in step, like clay to the potter as we swayed. The music controlled our movements and all the scenery and people around us dissolved. It was just the two of us right now. His dark eyes glistened and a nervous smile spread across my face. Our bodies were as close as they'd ever been and I swore that my heart would stop when he drew me in closer to his chest. I tightened my hand in his, feeling the sudden absence of something as his fingers slid through mine.

His wedding ring was missing.

He saw the question there in my gaze as he placed his lips to my ear.

"You look absolutely beautiful tonight."

I rested my chin on his shoulder as he pressed his cheek to mine.

"You bring out the best in me." I whispered.

"I can't take credit for that, honey. You shine all on your own in that dress."

Every word he spoke made me wish we could stay this close until the sun rose tomorrow. If I could have but one wish for Christmas morning... that would be it.

His hands slid further down my bare back until they reached the row of buttons that held me in this dress and in that moment, all I could think about was how much I longed for him to undo them. I swallowed hard, keeping the sweet confession underneath my tongue.

I felt my skin heat at the very thought while Jacobs swaying movements slowed, and like so many times before with him, I swore he could read my mind - my every thought. He turned his head and I knew that if I met his gaze again, he would see it there. The desire I had for him that threatened to make the world fall away. He tentatively ran his fingers over the many buttons as we continued to move to the fading music. There was no space left between us and I could feel the beating of his heart against my chest. I inhaled sharply as he placed a delicate kiss to my cheek, and I turned my head as his lips came closer and closer to mine.

My lips were parted and our breaths mingled while my heart fluttered wildly. I hesitantly gazed up at him then, and the swirl of raw emotion I saw there made me gasp. His rich eyes were full of lust and desire. They were gazing into mine like he was looking far beyond the dress, the hair and the makeup-... like they could see the future.

Seeing this from him obliterated my every thought and for the first time in forever, I was locked into the present. All the other prior worries and plans evaporated like a Summer rain on hot pavement. Everything was suspended and my only desire was for him to kiss me again.

The song stopped and another one soon followed, neither one of us moved away.

"This feels so right." He whispered, in a low husky tone that made me tremble.

Jacobs kiss was soft and slow and it stole the words from me that didn't need to be said.

His lips were warm and gentle and I didn't care who was watching or what attention we were drawing to ourselves. All I could feel was him. His warmth, his touch, his being.

His hands roamed up my back and were in my hair as the heat from his kiss caressed my skin in a wave that sent the room spinning.

It wasn't until the second song ended that we broke apart and noticed we were still surrounded by dozens of couples.

I drew in a quavering breath and saw Callie, Tina and Natalie all looking at us with wide smiles and I couldn't hide the blush that colored my cheeks in response.

When the banquet came to an end, we said our goodbyes and wished everyone a Merry Christmas. I was already scheduled to work on New Years Day, and little did they know that it would be my last shift at Pen Bay. I didn't have the heart to break the news to them until after Christmas. I knew there would be tears and lots of them, but my mind was set. Nothing could shake it.

I stared at the place that had been like a second home to be for so long as Jacob pulled the car up and joined me on the curb there. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders to ward off the cold and I basked in his warmth as I looked ahead.

"Did you tell them yet?" He asked.

"Not till after Christmas, but I think they have a good idea of what's coming after tonight." I softly admitted.

"If you're not ready- or if you're having second thoughts-" He worriedly countered as I turned in his arms and faced him.

"I'm not, Jake. I promise you."

"I know you'll miss this place, honey. That it was a big part of you."

"I will miss it here, but even if it was a big part of me, it wasn't the best part of me. That's always been you." I admitted then, as he gathered me in his arms and kissed me. I felt the fire in it the moment his lips touched mine. It was full of desire and fueled with need, like he was drowning and I was his air.

**A/N: I hope you all loved this chapter! I wanted to give it the time and detail it deserved before updating. Things are moving forward and I have loved all your feedback! Thank you for your reviews and I look forward to hearing from you about this chapter! Take care and God bless. Till next time...**


	70. Chapter 70

**CHAPTER SEVENTY**

**(BPOV)**

Jacob kissed me until I was breathless, his lips soft yet firm and unyielding. He lifted me against his body like I was weightless and I couldn't stop the soft moan that escaped me in response.

The snow began to fall around us as his hand went into my hair and the world as I knew it faded away until nothing but he remained.

The sound of my cell phone ringing soon forced us to stop as Jacobs forehead came to rest against mine.

"I should get that. Could be the hospital- or Charlie and Billy- something about Clarissa-..."

He nodded in understanding and reluctantly put me down with a shuddering sigh as I frantically searched for my cell in my purse.

"Hello?" I answered, my breath still gone from his thorough kiss before.

"Hey, kiddo. Sorry to interrupt your night, but Billy and I just wanted to be sure you two were okay for the drive home? Roads look like they could be getting slick so?" Charlie worriedly asked.

"Thanks for checking, dad. But we'll be okay. The banquet just got over a little while ago. Is Clarissa still doing okay?"

"Oh yeah! She was great tonight. Billy and I had a lot of fun with her. Kept us laughing most of the time. I put her down about an hour ago and she hasn't stirred since." Charlie replied.

"Good, we'll be on our way shortly. See you soon." I replied, before ending the call and turning to see Jacob there close behind me.

His rich gaze roamed over my face before settling back on my lips and I could see it there in his eyes, the longing and the desire mixed into that alluring gaze of his.

"Everything okay?" Jake asked, caressing my cheek with the backs of his warm fingers.

"That was just Charlie checking in. Some things never change! No matter how old you get." I lightly chuckled, as I caught and held his hand in mine. "We should get on the road."

Jacob nodded and handed me the keys with a weary expression I hadn't seen from him in weeks.

"Are you okay to drive us back to your place? I don't like driving in this stuff anymore- not since-..." He began, pausing on the last few words, as I stood on my tip toes to kiss his cheek.

"Of course I don't mind. I feel okay. It's been a few hours now since my last glass of wine. I'm alright to drive."

We took it slow on the way home and I could see the clear anxiety that was etched prominently in Jacobs face with every mile we drove along the highway. The snow was coming down heavy and I had to hit the brakes a few times from a lack of visibility, but soon enough, we were pulling off the exit and headed for town.

Jacob let out a breath I was sure he'd been holding since we left Pen Bay, and I reached over for his hand when the sight of my winding road came into view.

"Still hard sometimes?" I softly asked, noticing the way he firmly swallowed and tilted his head back against the seat.

"Stupid, huh?"

"Furthest thing from it. Makes you a little more human though. It's okay, Jacob." I assured him.

I pulled into the drive and put the car in park as he nervously looked my way.

"I think I like being a wolf better." He huffed out in truth to me.

"I like you in either form." I timidly admitted, as I released his hand and looked toward my dimly lit house. "Thank you for tonight. For what you did. For the dance. For everything."

"I'm the one who should be thanking you. I had a great time at the banquet, Bells. You work with some good people. You can tell they care a lot for you."

"Yeah, they've been like a second family to me for a long time now."

Jacob offered me half a smile at this and leaned over the center console with his reply then.

"When we had dinner with Shawn and Martha a few nights ago, Shawn asked me something before we left and it's been on my mind ever since."

"He did? What's that?" I quietly replied, seeing the sincere gaze he wore while reflecting on this.

"He asked me if there was anything I wouldn't do for you, Bells. If what I felt for you had limits or..." He replied, pausing half way through his answer with a heavy sigh. "...-what the level of compromise meant for me if you couldn't come back to Washington with us once Christmas was over."

"What did you say?" I nervously asked, as he gazed ahead to the house.

"I told him the truth. That there wasn't a single thing I wouldn't do for you. Even if it meant staying here in Maine."

"Jake...-"

"I would, you know? I'd make that sacrifice twice over if it meant we were together, Bells. If it meant I didn't have to let you go- or be without you again."

I tucked my hand under his chin and turned his face toward me with my heartfelt reply.

"Being without you all this time was harder for me than I ever had the courage to let on. It really was."

"Were you truly happy out here before-" He asked in return, pressing his warm cheek further into my palm.

"I was numb, Jake. I lived on autopilot for a long time. Being a nurse was all I had. That profession was both my blessing and my curse."

"I wanted to come after you. So many damn times. You were in my thoughts... my dreams- everything." He countered.

"I missed you, Jacob. I missed us." I sighed.

"Bells, if you want to stay-"

I silenced him with a kiss and the feel of my lips molding to his seemed to be all the convincing he needed for right now.

We broke apart when my porch light flipped on and I could only smile against his warm mouth.

"Like I said before, some things never change." I chuckled to him as Charlie opened the front door and peered out to us in the snow.

Jacob got out and helped me into the house as a sheepish looking Charlie ducked his head at the sight of us heading his way.

"Just checking to be sure you made it home safe and sound." He hinted, while he patted Jacob on the back and winked at me. "Have a nice time tonight?"

"Yeah, we really did." I replied, shrugging out of my shawl as Jacob took it from me. Charlie merely nodded at this and bid us a goodnight.

"I'm glad to hear it. I suppose I'll call it a night and be off to get some rest now. See you two in the morning for Christmas! Can hardly wait to see what's under that tree." He hedged with a true thrill in his voice.

"Breakfast and coffee will be on at dawn so be ready." I replied, when he headed to the guest room.

Jacob had been kind enough to move his things out and let Billy and Charlie share the place during their stay. Charlie felt it was asking too much but little did he know that Jacob usually didn't sleep much before dawn these days anyway. He had found his true sense of solace in the Maine Winter woods.

"I'll be up and ready at six. Good night, you two." Charlie finally yawned to us.

"Night, dad."

"Night, chief. Sleep well."

Charlie went to bed without a backwards glance and when we heard the guest room door close, our eyes met and I found myself wishing that the night didn't have to come to an end. I glanced out into the living room at the dwindling fire, as Jacob slowly closed the distance between us and whispered to me.

"I'm gonna check on Clarissa and do a perimeter run."

"You've been doing a lot of those lately. Something I should be worried about?"

"I'm not sure yet. Gentry asked for my help with a few drifters that were wreaking havoc on his farm. I don't like the assumed size of the clan to be honest. It's unfamiliar. Has us both on guard this week. I'll tell you what I find out if something new comes up, honey. I promise."

I tried to keep the worry out of my expression but he saw it there anyway.

"Be careful-..."

"Always." He sighed, kissing me softly before swiftly heading into my room to check on Clarissa and head out.

I touched my lips where his kiss had just been, as he disappeared from sight and thought about the dance we'd shared at the banquet. There was no other feeling that could compare to being in his arms like that.

It was almost three in the morning and rest had still evaded me. I laid in my bed staring down at Clarissa while she dreamed and imagining where in the snowy forest Jacob was right about now. I thought long and hard about all he'd said, and knew in the end that my decision to leave Maine and return to Washington after the holidays was undoubtedly the right one.

As the saying goes, you always return to your roots, to where your heart is.

Jacob was just as much part of that for me as being back home in Forks was. He already had my heart and Washington was where I belonged.

He had so much that tied him to La'Push and the truth was, I would never ask him to leave any of it behind for me.

I had outgrown this place a few years ago and it was time for a much needed change of environment.

I reached over to my nightstand and turned on the small radio, hoping the low music would lull me to sleep, but after the fourth Christmas song, I gave up hope and opened my eyes.

That's when I saw it, the lingering shadow just under my door. I watched it sway there for a brief moment before I sat up in bed and spoke his name in nothing but a whisper.

"Jake?"

The door creaked open and he stood there in nothing but a pair of cut offs, his face barely visible in the dark of the night when he took a few steps forward and raised his head to meet my gaze.

I could only stare at him as the moonlights glow touched his sculpted chest.

He was so handsome.

He drew in a deep breath and spoke in a husky sigh.

"I can't sleep."

His dark eyes imploringly looked to me in such a way that I found it impossible to tear my gaze from him. My hand trembled as I wordlessly pulled back the comforters on the other side of the bed.

He slowly crossed the room then while I scooted myself over, careful not to wake Clarissa, who was surrounded by every pillow I owned.

In all the weeks Jake had been staying here with me, I'd silently wondered when, or if he would ever come to me in the middle of the night like this when he struggled to sleep.

He sat down on the edge of the bed and tentatively took my hand, his gaze conveying far more to me in this moment than his words ever could.

I threaded my fingers through his and pulled him toward me with my soft reply.

"Stay with me."

He picked up Clarissa and settled her on his chest, while I laid down there beside him, my head soon coming to rest comfortably close to hers. I could hear Jacobs pounding heartbeat against my ear and I stilled when his lips pressed a kiss into my hair. Within minutes, I could hardly keep my eyes open.

His mere presence calmed me in a way that only he could and I curled myself in closer to him. I couldn't recall a time when I'd felt this safe or this secure and at ease.

"How do you do that?" I softly asked, tracing meaningless patterns with my index finger on his bare chest.

"Do what, honey?" He tiredly replied, his warm voice more relaxed now when he spoke.

"Make me turn off all my thoughts and worries? I've been laying here for three hours trying to sleep. No such luck till you came in-..."

"You do the same thing for me. Always have. I can be stressed out or mad at the damn world and all I have to do is hold your hand or hear your voice and-... everything just stops somehow."

"So, we're kind of like an antidote to each other? I've never heard of such a thing. Certainly out of the ordinary." I admitted.

"We've never been ordinary. You know that." He stated. "I'm glad. Ordinary is boring."

"Yeah, who wants boring, right?" I mused. "That would be terrible."

"It would be." He sarcastically agreed.

"Speaking of boring, I have so much packing to do."

"Don't worry, honey. I'll help you."

"I'm pretty sure Charlie will need to rent a U-Haul to get all my stuff back to Washington." I sighed. " I should have weeded through some things first."

"We'll get everything squared away, but I did notice your suitcase is still pretty empty over there." He hedged.

Though I knew he was kidding, I could hear the slight worry there in his husky tone and it made my smile fade some.

"I'll pack tonight. After Christmas dinner." I promised him, hoping he could detect the sincerity in my voice.

"I know you'll pack when you're ready. It's okay to be nervous or a little scared about all these changes, honey. It's a lot all at once." He assured me.

"Are you?- Nervous or scared- I mean?" I curiously countered.

"Or course I am, honey." He admitted, as I lifted my head and looked at him. "I'm scared of not being with you. That scares the hell out of me."

"Then you have nothing to fear." I breathed. "To new beginnings, right?"

"Yeah honey, to new beginnings." He sighed in agreement as I laid back down, unable to fight sleeps pull any longer.

"Waffles with blueberries or pancakes with strawberries in the morning?"

"Waffles with blueberries sounds great."

"Okay, it's a deal. Goodnight." I sighed, closing my eyes for the final time.

"Goodnight, Bells. Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, Jake."

**A/N: I hope you enjoyed this chapter. More to come tomorrow! Thank you for your great reviews!**


	71. Chapter 71

**CHAPTER SEVENTY-ONE**

**(JPOV)**

I awoke to the sound of Christmas music and the smell of waffles.

_'I'm dreaming of a white Christmas. With every Christmas card I write. May your days be merry and bright.'_

I blindly reached over for her, already knowing she wasn't there as my hand skimmed over the cool empty sheets. I'd held her all night and couldn't remember the last time I'd slept so sound. There was something about having her in my arms.

Just then, the door opened and I sat up in bed to see her standing there holding Clarissa with a beaming grin on her pretty face. She gestured to her outfit of red flannel pajamas and a matching Santa hat before holding out Clarissa to me. She'd already dressed her in a green Christmas dress and I couldn't help but chuckle at her enthusiasm this early in the morning.

"Come on, sleepy head! It's already almost seven!" She mused, as a new rendition of 'There's no place like home for the Holidays' began to play through the house.

"I'm coming." I sighed heavily, kissing Clarissa on the cheek and laughing when Bella started to dance to the music in front of us. Clarissa giggled to her in response and flared her arms out with a dimpled grin.

"The sun is up and the snow has stopped! It's truly beautiful out there. Perfect for Christmas morning!" She commented, grabbing her white sweater and wrapping it around her petite shoulders.

Even though I hadn't looked outside yet this morning, I already knew that it wouldn't compare to the breathtaking sight in front of me. Damn, she was gorgeous. Pajamas and all.

"I'm pretty sure the view out there doesn't measure up to you, Bells."

"Stop..." She blushed, tucking her hair behind her ears. "I haven't even had time to wash up yet this morning."

"You look stunning. Just the way you are." I replied, getting out of bed as she crossed the room and wrapped her arms around my waist.

"Billy and Charlie are sitting by the tree with breakfast waiting for us. I've never seen my dad this excited." She softly admitted.

"I'll be right out."

"Okay, I'll make you a plate. Extra blueberries on your waffles?"

"Yeah honey. Sounds great."

She leaned up and kissed me on the cheek and I caught her lips before she turned to leave. She kissed me back and I didn't want to let her go.

"Didn't need the mistletoe as your excuse to kiss me after all." She sighed.

"I never need an excuse to kiss you." I clarified, as she released my hand and headed out of the room with her parting reply.

"That's good cause there's only that one piece of mistletoe hanging out there."

I watched her go and quickly changed before scooping up Clarissa and following after her.

"Look who decided to finally join us. Didn't know if you were ever gonna wake up." Billy teased with a chuckle from the living room, as he admired the stack of waffles plated in his lap."Merry Christmas, son."

"Merry Christmas, dad."

"Let me take Clarissa for a bit so you can go eat and get some coffee?" Charlie then offered, placing his coffee down on the table with outstretched arms to us.

"I think she'd like that." I huffed, handing her to him as I caught a side glance of the overflowing gifts under the tree that hadn't been there the night before.

Charlie saw the wide eyed look I wore and only laughed.

"Yeah, we may have gone a tad overboard on the gifts, but uh-... what can we say, really? Your dad and I came prepared to spoil Clarissa Rotten. Can't deny us that, right?"

"No, Charlie. I wouldn't dream of it." I admitted, patting his shoulder as I went into the kitchen and paused at the sight of Bella swaying around the stove to 'Baby, it's cold outside."

She was mesmerizing, the smile on her face enough to capture my full attention while she plated more waffles and started another fresh pot of coffee.

I slowly approached her, my steps hesitant as I watched her move to the music. She had no idea how perfect she looked to me right now. I stilled there behind her, close enough to smell her strawberry shampoo and drew in a breath. She stilled her dancing and timidly took a step back into my arms like she already knew I was there before I had even reached for her.

She nearly dropped the plate of waffles in her hand when I wrapped my arms around her waist and placed my lips close to her ear.

"You know, I think those pajamas are my new favorite outfit of yours." I whispered, catching the plate before it could slip and placing it on the stove in front of her.

"Really?" She sighed. "These old things."

"Yeah, those old things. How did you sleep last night?"

"Better than I have in years." She softly replied, pressing herself further into me. "I didn't dream either. Just pure restful sleep. How about you?"

"Same, honey." I replied, as she whirled around and handed me the plate of waffles with blueberries, powdered sugar and warm maple syrup.

"Here you go. I hope you like them." She grinned to me.

We joined Billy and Charlie around the tree as they continued on with their game of peek-a-boo with Clarissa. I wolfed down the first waffle and saw the sincere happy expression on Bella's face when she started handing out the gifts, still donning her Santa hat for all of us to see.

After everyone had a pile to open, Bella sat down in front of Clarissa and gently nudged the first gift in her direction.

"Merry Christmas, baby girl. You get to go first."

Clarissa giggled when Bella picked her up and held her in her lap while she excitedly played with the large package in front of her. I watched the beautiful sight of them sitting there together while Bella tore open the corner of the gift and held Clarissa's tiny hand to help her follow the movement.

Before long, and with a lot of teamwork, the final piece of wrapping paper was torn from the gift and I heard Billy's laughter boom out as the huge teddy bear fell forward onto them. Clarissa squealed and clapped her hands as she wiggled in Bella's lap and reached for the oversized bear. The thing was easily three times her size, but she was thrilled with it nonetheless.

Bella could only laugh as Clarissa hauled the bear forward into her tiny arms. It would make a good pillow at least.

"You bought that thing even after I told you it was too big." Billy chuckled to Charlie.

"She'll grow into it." Charlie huffed, handing over another package our way.

"She loves it, Chief. Thank you." I offered and saw Charlie's nod in response as he looked to Bella and Clarissa with a grin.

By the time we all opened our second gift, Bella was already digging under the tree and handing out more.

"Look at you playing Santa. Don't think I've seen that smile on your face in a long time, kiddo." Charlie sighed, tearing into his third gift and proudly holding up his new Beer mug that Bella had surprised him with. "Hey, would you look at that, Billy! Something to pour a cold one into on New Years Eve! Thanks, Bella. I've been needing a new one for a while now"

The two of them hugged and I noticed the way Clarissa intently watched Bella's every move, her gaze following after her whenever she went into the kitchen or searched for another gift. She was enthralled with her these days and their bond had warmed my heart.

I reached in my shirt pocket for the small square package I'd yet to place on the tree and set it safely within it's thick branches for Bells to find later. I could feel Billy's gaze on me while I did this and I looked to see his eyes well up with the kind of emotion I hadn't expected.

He merely nodded when I offered him half a grin as Clarissa began to fuss for her mid-morning bottle. Before she could let out another wale, Bella was handing me a warm bottle over my shoulder. I took it from her, giving her hand a gentle squeeze when she looked down at us.

Billy and Charlie eagerly began to unwrap their next bundle of gifts from one another as we watched them and their reactions were priceless when they soon realized they had bought each other the very same fishing pole, complete with a new tackle box.

"Hey, great minds think alike!" Billy huffed, as they checked out their new fishing gear together.

Once Clarissa's bottle was gone, she struggled to settle and when Bella handed me another gift, she reached up for her with another cry.

"She's tired." I stated, as Bella sat down next to us and wiped Clarissa's tears with her fingertips.

"She was up early today. Before six. She's probably warn out from all the excitement this morning."

We opened a few more gifts and I was stunned when I saw what Charlie had bought for me. It was a brand new tent, with new fishing gear that matched he and Billy's.

"I figured, you know, us men could venture out together this spring and do some camping together? We could make it a tradition of sorts. If you want-" Charlie offered to me with a sigh.

"Of course, I'd really like that, chief. Never been camping before. Thank you for this." I replied.

"Don't mention it, son. I want you to come out with us for some of our adventures this season." Charlie hedged, throwing an arm around my shoulders.

"That sounds great. I look forward to it."

When we were about half way through the tree, Clarissa began to cry again and wrapped her tiny hand in Bella's hair.

"I think she's had enough for now. We can take a break so she can get a small nap?" Billy offered.

"That's a good idea." I agreed, as Clarissa became inconsolable.

"The turkey still has a few more hours to cook, but most of the sides should be done in another hour." Bella replied. "There's plenty of snacks in the kitchen till then. Help yourself."

Charlie wheeled Billy out to the table, leaving the three of us alone by the tree while Clarissa continued to fuss.

"That was really nice of your dad, Bells."

"He loves you. Your part of the family." Bella replied, tentatively taking Clarissa and settling down in the rocking chair with her. "Maybe if I rock her for a while?"

I watched her gaze down at Clarissa who quieted almost instantly when Bella wrapped them both in a blanket and began to rock back and forth. She was so tender and caring with her.

It didn't take long for her eyes to grow heavy as she drifted off to sleep in Bella's arms. Once she was down for the count, I stoked the fire and helped Charlie pick up some of the wrapping paper that was scattered throughout the living room. The oven timer went off then and Bella stood to tend to Christmas dinner.

The table was filled with everything you could imagine, from Turkey and home made stuffing, to cranberry sauce and yams. Bella had outdone herself, as she so often did and it looked amazing.

Charlie soon handed me a glass of eggnog and gestured toward the half finished tree ahead.

"So, I think we'll be helping Clarissa finish those gifts, huh?"

"I think so, chief." I agreed, watching Bella as she placed the pies on the table.

"She can cook, can't she?" Charlie hedged.

"She can do it all." I replied, as Charlie looked to me before pointing to the mistletoe hanging above me.

"Don't forget to start a new tradition for the two of you. Day is young still, son. Plenty of time left for some Christmas magic."

A/N: Look for another chapter soon. Thank you for your reviews. Be blessed till then.


	72. Chapter 72

**CHAPTER SEVENTY-TWO**

**(BPOV)**

When Clarissa woke from her nap, she was in much better spirits and we were all eager to finish the tree. I could feel Jacobs gaze on me while I tended to the fixings for our Christmas dinner, my hands busy with putting the finishing touches on the huge roast in front of me as he set the table to help.

"So glad we're all together for Christmas this year. Something feels right here that hasn't felt right in a very long time." Charlie hedged.

"Couldn't have said it any better myself, old friend." Billy added, looking between Jacob and I with a mischievous smile touching his tired face. "Been real nice to be here."

"I've loved having you both." I commented, carefully balancing the heavy roast pan as Jacob noticed my struggle and offered to take it for me.

"Hey- let me help you with that." He chuckled, setting the pan down in the center of the table while Billy cleared his throat and playfully pushed Jacob in my direction.

"Look up you two."

I sighed and stole a glance toward the celiling, noticing the mistletoe swaying there, as Charlie picked up Clarissa with a chuckle and tapped his open beer can against Billy's.

"Come on you two. It's time for Mistletoe and holly! You know it's tradition and you don't monkey with tradition." Charlie huffed with amusement clear in his tone.

"Guess were under the spotlight, huh?" Jacob warmly observed, his dark gaze looking at me in a way that no one elses ever could.

"Looks that way. It's tradition after all, but you don't have to-"

I was silenced by his lips claiming mine and I heard all laughter cease from Billy and Charlie as Jacob drew me into him there under the mistletoe in the archway.

I had never been one to previously believe in all the fluff of Christmas tradition, pass times and magic, but that changed in this moment. Everything as I'd known it had changed.

I swore my feet left the ground when his warm lips languidly caressed my own.

I timidly broke the kiss when I felt my cheeks grow hot and stayed close to him while he uttered his husky reply to me.

"I told you before, I never need an excuse or a reason of tradition to kiss you, Bells."

The look on Billy and Charlie's face was almost comical as they both stood there slack jawed, the two of them sharing an alarmed 'I told you so,' kind of glance in the kitchen, as I pried myself away from Jacob and went on with fixing dinner for all of us.

After a few more added dishes, the table was set and I took my seat next to Jacob and Clarissa with a smile.

"Okay everyone, no promises that it's fine dining or anything but I tried. Please, dig in and enjoy!" I beamed.

Charlie's face soon lit up like the huge Christmas tree in my living room, as he piled the many helpings onto his plate and took a huge bite of the roast that had always been one of his holiday favorites.

It did my heart good to see him gobble it down with only grunts of enjoyment as Billy joined him.

"You never disappoint, dear. This is excellent. Best meal I've had in months." Billy complimented.

"Thank you, Billy." I replied.

We ate in contented silence as the Christmas music continued to play throughout the house and I felt truly complete in a way that I hadn't since I was just a small child. Nothing compared to the sense of family. I was beyond blessed to be surrounded by all of them on this Christmas day.

While Jacob seemed to be enjoying his meal, he looked distracted at times and it made me wonder what was going on in that head of his. I knew him well enough to know his almost every facial expression, and the look he wore right now told me he was miles away from this table and the food in front of him.

I gingerly reached my hand over and placed it on his knee with a timid smirk his way. He merely nodded to me while he held Clarissa and picked up his fork, before taking a hardy bite of the roast on his plate.

When Charlie and Billy were preoccupied with dishing out their second helpings of mashed potatoes, I leaned in closer to him and whispered my worry.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, honey. This is great. Thank you for everything." He earnestly replied, but I could hear the hint of something else there in his tone.

Once dinner was done, I poured all of us some eggnog and we gathered back around the tree as the evening began to creep in with the setting sun.

"Alright, Charlie. Here... this ones from me." Billy sighed, tossing a gift to my dad. He caught it with a raised eyebrow and looked Billy's way with suspicion.

"What could this be? I thought we agreed to spoil Clarissa and the kids this year and not to worry about each other. Remember? That was the deal?"

"I don't exactly recall that." Billy stated, with a shake of his head. "Just open the gift would ya'?"

"Alright, Alright." Charlie fussed, tearing into the silver packaging with an eager grin that only got wider when he saw what the square gift box held. "Billy, is this what I think it is? You didn't!"

"I did." Billy confirmed, as Charlie pulled a brand new pistol out and held it up to observe with excitement. "It's an original and already registered. Once we get back home, we'll have to take it to the shooting range and break it in!"

"Man, this is something else. I can't believe you got this for me. I don't know what to say, Billy. Thank you. I love it. Look at the shine!" Charlie replied, reaching over and embracing his oldest friend in a tight brotherly hug. I blinked away the tears that formed at the sight of their embrace, and reached for another gift under the tree that was addressed to Jacob from Billy. I handed it back to him and saw the gracious look he wore when he started to open it. Clarissa was even excited as she sat on the floor in front of me and began to fiddle with another one of her gifts from earlier. She was really starting to get the hang of this opening thing.

Jacob finished ripping the last few pieces of paper off the box and lifted the lid with a disbelieving expression.

"A brand new wrench set? Dad, you didn't have to-"

"I know, but I really wanted to. You've been using my hammy downs for too long now. Figured you could put those to better use in the shop once you get back to work there."

"Thank you. I needed these." Jacob replied, crossing the room to wrap his father in a hug.

"I love you, boy. Proud of all that you are and all the hard work you've already put into that place. You know it will be there waiting for you when you return. You're a damn good mechanic, son."

Jacob nodded and showed the shiny new set of wrenches to Charlie who explored them all with vivid interest now.

After Clarissa had torn into three more of her gifts with our added help, she pushed the toy train set aside and reached her tiny arms up for me. I took hold of her with a smile as she clapped and held my gaze there beside the tree. I kissed her forehead and observed while Charlie searched around for more gifts that still needed to be opened.

"Here Bella, this one is for you. It's from me. I Hope you like it, kiddo."

I caught the package he lightly tossed my way and placed Clarissa in front of me as I opened the gift. The new stethoscope gleamed brightly in the lights from the tree and I gasped when I saw the engraving it held. My name was etched in fine detailed lettering on the turnable diaphragm and next to it read 'so proud of you- Dad.'

I was speechless as a lone tear ran down my cheek while my fingertips trailed along the message.

"It's beautiful." I softly stated, seeing the emotion there in Charlie's gaze when he met my stare from across the living room.

"I wanted to give you something that would be memorable and something that would let you know how proud I am of you. Of all you've accomplished. I love you, kiddo. Your mother and I may have done a lot wrong, but we sure got one thing right and that was you."

I got up and hugged him tight, my tears making it hard for me to speak when he wrapped his arms around me in return.

"Thank you so much, dad."

Charlie kissed the top of my head and released me just as I heard Jacobs stunned gasp from behind us. Charlie and I froze there at the sight of Clarissa now trying to crawl across the living room floor. She let out a giggle and started to move all on her own in our direction.

Jacobs entire face lit up with a disbelieving smile when he raised his head and met my gaze, his hands already outstretched to balance her if she needed it or to catch her should she topple over.

I was taken with her every move as I knelt down by the tree and watched her crawl my way. Charlie moved quicker than I knew he could then, as he nearly tripped over himself trying to retrieve his cell phone so he could at least get a picture.

"She's- She's crawling- get a picture- or a video!" Billy huffed, as Charlie snatched up his cell. "Hurry! Quick!"

I smiled in encouragement to sweet Clarissa as Jacob continued to stay close to her while she tried to move along. His eyes were vigilant while he closely followed her unsteady movements and the look on his face was memorable.

"Come on, Clarissa. You can do it! Come see me." I hedged, holding out my hands for her.

She wobbled some and paused again before really taking off. Within a few more minutes, she was eagerly making her way toward me with a bubbly giggle.

When she had crossed the floor, we were all cheering and I thought Charlie would break out in song while he continued to capture the moment on video.

"Look at her go!" Billy beamed.

It wasn't long before she was within arms reach, and I saw Jacobs heart warming smile return when I scooped her up and held her tight in my arms.

"You did it, sweet girl! You did it!"

I passed her to Jacob and he kissed her cheek while she squealed in delight, and touched his face with her tiny hands.

"Don't blink, son. Trust me, it goes by so fast." Billy tearfully stated with a warm smile to Jacob. "Hold onto moments like this one."

"I will, dad. I promise."

"Why don't the three of you huddle in around the tree and I'll give us all something we can remember this Christmas by. I think I can manage to take a simple picture." Charlie offered.

"Only if you agree to let me take one of you and Billy after?" I countered with a grin to him.

"You got a deal, kiddo. Now get by the tree and give me your best smile."

I shook my head but complied and met Jacob and Clarissa by the tree as I tried to smooth out my hair and ruffled pajamas.

"I probably look a mess-..."

"You couldn't be more wrong. I don't think you've ever looked more beautiful than you do right now." Jacob replied.

"Alright everyone look this way and say Merry Christmas! One... Two... Three...-"

We smiled on cue and Charlie took the photo. In that moment I realized just how full of love and unexpected blessings that my holiday had been.

I couldn't have asked for more this Christmas.

**A/N: I hope you all enjoyed this update. More to come tomorrow. Please leave a review with your thoughts. Thank you :-)**


	73. Chapter 73

**CHAPTER SEVENTY-THREE**

**(BPOV)**

By the time I had served everyone some pie, it was nearly dark outside and while the age old song of 'I wish you a Merry Christmas' played through the speakers in the house, Charlie looked as if he was in some sort of food coma. He was reclined comfortably by the tree with a glass of eggnog still in hand and Billy seemed content to sleepily watch the fire there next to him. I handed Jacob the last piece of chocolate cream pie as he laid a sleeping Clarissa in Billy's awaiting arms.

"You get the last one. I saved it just for you. Still your favorite I hope?"

"You know it. Thanks, honey." He replied, taking the plate from me and gesturing toward the fire. "Starting to get cold in here. I'll go grab some more wood in a bit."

"I can take care of that. No worries." I sighed, reaching for my coat that was hung by the door and pausing when he stopped me.

"I know you_ can,_ but do you think maybe it's time someone started taking care of you for a change?" He warmly suggested, and I didn't have the heart to refuse his offer. I had just always been so used to doing everything around here myself that it seemed odd to rely on anyone else for things. I guess it would take some getting used to for me.

I thanked him and got busy with finishing up the many dishes that filled the sudsy sink from our dinner. I couldn't stop thinking about how good it felt to be held by him last night. Being wrapped in his arms was far more soothing than any kind of blanket I had ever owned.

I took hold of the next pan to wash and silently debated on when the perfect time would be for me to give Jacob the gift I still had tucked in the very back of the tree for him. I'd gone over so many possible things I could gift him, but ultimately chose something I knew would have significant meaning behind it.

A few weeks ago I had awoken in the middle of the night to find him fast asleep in the rocking chair with Clarissa peacefully resting on his chest, and I was so moved by the way they looked there together, that I captured the moment in a picture on my iPhone. I called Billy back home in the days to follow and asked if he could mail me any old photos he had of Jacob and his mother. He told me he would try to dig some up and get them sent out as soon as he could. To my delight, they arrived in my mailbox only four days later. I chose one of my favorites of them on the beach when Jacob was a mere boy and had it restored at the local photoshop here in town. I gave them a detailed description of what I wanted the eight by ten conjoined print to look like, and when they called to let me know it was ready, I snuck back out and picked up the finished portrait.

It was simply perfect.

The shop had creatively blended the two photos into one, leaving a fade out of the picture of Jacob and his mother in the bottom left corner. The print of it was done in a stunning black and white hue and I couldn't wait to give it to him. I'd scoured the internet in search of the perfect wooden frame and had found one last week to order. Thankfully it had arrived safely in the mail a few days ago and I wrapped it just in time for Christmas.

"Bells, you need any help in here?" Jacobs voice suddenly came from behind me, tearing me away from my reflections as I drained the sink.

"No, I think I have it all taken care of for now but thanks." I replied, drying my hands while I put away the last dish and turned to see him standing there by the table.

He had changed into a pair of black sweats and white t-shirt, and his casual attire made me do a double take. The thin white t-shirt hugged his sculpted chest and arms, and when he raised his head to hold my lingering gaze, I was almost certain he could hear the change of rhythm in my heartbeat.

I had never been so inexplicably drawn to anyone in the way I was drawn to him.

Jacob reached his hand out for mine with his husky reply and I forgot all about the watery mess left behind there at the sink.

"Come with me for a second, honey? There's something I wanna show you."

I took his hand and followed him out to the brightly lit tree where he retrieved a small square package and held it out to me.

"Are we exchanging gifts? Cause if we are, I have one for you, too." I softly admitted to him when he placed the small box in my palm and released my other hand. I reached in behind the tree for the package I had placed there for him a few days ago and pulled it out from the covering of the branches with a grin.

"Bells, you've already given us so much-..." He began, as I held out the box to him with the large blue ribbon on top of it.

"My care for you could never be measured by things, Jacob. But when I saw this, it just-... -spoke to me, you know? Some things you can't let pass you by, right? It's not much. Just open it." I replied, nervously biting down on my bottom lip while he studied my sincere expression.

"You first." He quietly insisted, wrapping my hand securely around the box he'd placed there. "Please..."

I nodded and pulled the small red ribbon from the delicate box before lifting the lid to reveal what was inside. My breath caught as I peered down at the necklace with the wooden wolf charm hanging delicately from it. I carefully lifted it from the box, as I admired the detail and precision of what he'd poured himself into making with his own two hands for me.

"I made it a long time ago, Bells. Before you left- Before we- and everything-" He anxiously fumbled, trying to find the right words as my gaze fell back down on the silver key now facing up at me that had been hidden just beneath the necklace. "It's been ten years in the making but I wanted it to be yours. It belongs with you, honey."

"It's absolutely beautiful." I managed, as he helped me secure it in place around my neck. "I love it. You kept it even after all this time?"

"Yeah, never could bring myself to get rid of it. Dad kept it for me in my old room for the past few years. He knew how special it was to me so I knew it was in safe hands with him." Jacob admitted, hooking the necklace while my gaze remained focused on the key. He slowly turned me back around and I could hardly breathe when he kissed my cheek and stilled there with his lips so close to mine.

"Thank you so much-"

"That's not all." He huskily admitted, reaching down and removing the key from the box with a shuddering sigh. "This is for you, too. It's the key to my house back on the Reservation. I know everything has changed so fast for you- for the both of us- and I know we haven't sat down and talked about this yet, but the truth is, I would want for_ nothing more_ than for you to be with us when you move back to Washington."

I looked into those rich brown eyes of his and could hardly form a reply as he placed the key in my palm.

"You want me with you? To live with you? On the Reservation?" I asked, seeing his nervous swallow when he leaned in and rested his forehead against mine.

"Only if that's what you want, honey. There's no pressure. I promise, but the house key is yours to keep no matter what you decide or when you deicide it. If you need more time, I understand."

His genuine sincerity touched my heart and I could feel that he meant every word. I pulled back from him and motioned to the unopened gift now laying at his feet by the tree.

"It's your turn to open mine now." I timidly stated.

He picked up the package and offered me half a smile when I laced my fingers through his and sat down with him by the roaring fire. I watched him as he tugged the blue bow loose and ripped through the tape that held the giftbox lid in place. I waited there beside him with baited breath when he finally lifted the top and saw the framed picture laying there surrounded by the white tissue paper.

I heard the hitch in his breath and felt him go still when he took the picture out and held it in his hands with emotion thick in his baritone.

"Bells-..."

"I hope it's alright that I asked your dad for some help in the picture department. I needed the perfect one to make the print complete before I could give it to you. Thankfully, your dad was a big help. He mailed me a few of you and your mom."

Jacob ran his thumb across the frames border and turned his head my way.

"I don't have words-"

"That's okay." I sighed, retaking his hand and scooting over closer to him. "I wanted you to open this cause I thought it would give you your answer. You don't have to ask me if I need more time, Jacob. I've had enough time without you these last ten years to last me a lifetime. I don't ever want to know what that emptiness feels like again."

I held the key up to him and smiled brightly before kissing away the single tear that spilled down his cheek, as he looked away from the photo and held my gaze.

"Only you would know that the photo you chose for this was one of my favorites with mom before she passed. I never told anyone that. Not even dad. This means the world to me."

"You mean the world to me...-" I echoed to him in a whisper, as my hand trailed down his warm cheek and along his strong jawline. "My world doesn't make sense without you in it. You brought my smile back and I can't imagine not being where you are after this."

"I can't stand the thought of not being with you. I'm sorry- but- " He gruffly admitted.

"Don't be sorry. I fee the same way. Having you and Clarissa this close has healed something in me that's been broken for a long time. I wanna be right where you are."

Jacob placed the picture down on the floor next to us and reached for me, his strong hands effortlessly pulling me closer to him as I gasped. His nose brushed mine as he looked deep into my eyes.

"You fixed me, too. Put me back together when I didn't know how or where to start." He breathed against my lips and I shivered.

The words were there on the very tip of my tongue.

The very words that I knew would shatter any remaining wall either of us had up and lay us both bare and exposed for the taking. The kind of words that once spoken, once they were out there, we could never take them back. They would permeate our every action, thought and deed. They would ignite a passion that would have otherwise died for the both of us.

I nervously swallowed as Jacob settled me in his lap, his chest rising and falling with every breath he took. Being this close to him made me lose all sense of prior thought. It made me feel lightheaded and free. I could get lost in his eyes alone. I placed my hand over his heart and could feel it pounding to match my own. My fingertips were splayed over his chest as he placed his hand over mine and held it tightly there.

"It never stopped beating for you, Bells." He forced out, his tone hoarse with his admission to me and his lips so close to mine that I could feel his warm breath when he spoke this.

"Your name still beats in my heart." I softly replied, ghosting my lips against his. As honest as we were being with eachother right now, I could still sense that he was holding something back. The same thing that had preoccupied his thoughts earlier today at the dinner table. "Tell me what you're not saying. I've felt it all day."

I knew that whatever he was going to tell me came straight from his heart and that in his words, I was safe because they would never be just words.

He kissed me thoroughly then, as if trying to confess whatever it was without speaking at first. I lost all sense of time and place, as his lips molded with mine and melted my heart.

The music timed out in the background and all I could hear was the soft snoring that came from Billy and Charlie in the living room. I was relieved they were both asleep with Clarissa right about now.

Jacobs hands roamed up my back and I stilled there when his lips left mine with his husky confession. His words drew me impossibly close to him. What he spoke tore open something inside me that I had shielded myself away from for years and it's truth overflowed until my heart could hold no more.

"I love you, Bells. God, do I love you."

**A/N: I truly hope you loved reading this chapter as much as I have enjoyed writing it. Thank you for all your wonderful reviews and please leave another one for this chapter update :-) Take care and stay safe. Be blessed till next time.**


	74. Chapter 74

**CHAPTER SEVENTY-FOUR**

**(BPOV)**

I sat there on the floor staring at the dwindling fire until it's final embers gave way and left me in the dark. Jacob had headed for the woods in nothing but cut offs shortly after midnight and once he was gone, I tried to get some much needed rest myself, but couldn't seem to shut my mind off. I poured myself the last of the wine and watched as the rich color coated the inside of the crystal glass when I whirled it around.

I set the glass down and glanced toward the kitchen table where the key was laying, the very sight of it causing a swirl of unwanted anxiety to unfurl itself in my gut.

I told him I loved him, that I wanted to be with him and I did, more than anything, but the idea of living in the same house that he'd shared with Lillian felt anything but right.

I couldn't do it. I knew I couldn't.

I whirled away from the table, absentmindedly fiddling with the new wolf charm around my neck, and threw open the fridge door in a desperate search for some much needed comfort food. Lucky for me, there was still an abundance of leftovers for my choosing. I went with the pumpkin pie and didn't even bother to use a plate. I stood at the counter, with a gallon of vanilla ice cream close by, and took one bite after the other, trying to bury my discomfort with food for the time being. I poured myself a full glass of egg nog and was just getting ready to dig in again when the sound of movement from the living room made me pause with the forkful of pumpkin pie mid air.

Billy soon wheeled himself into view and I dropped the fork with a guilty sigh as he eyed me curiously.

"Midnight snack?" Those are some of the best kinds if I do say so myself. Especially when you have leftovers like these ones here. Feel like sharing some of the wealth?"

I reached over to the silverware drawer and wordlessly retrieved a clean fork for him. Billy took it from me with a grateful smile and dug in on the opposite side of the pumpkin pie.

"Always room for pie, right?" I simply countered, taking another bite and noting the way he was already observing me, like a kid who had just been caught with their hand all the way down in the cookie jar.

I felt foolish and a little embarrassed on top of that. What the hell was I even doing? As if this would put to rest any of my qualms and worries.

"Never can go wrong with pumpkin either. I mean, it goes with everything from coffee to ice cream and more." Billy stated after taking another hardy bite and setting his fork down. "I'm still stuffed from your wonderful dinner to have too much."

"I'm sorry that I woke you, Billy. I didn't mean to." I sheepishly replied.

"Don't be, I've been out for almost four hours now. That's nearly a full nights rest for this old guy." Billy countered. "So- having trouble sleeping tonight?"

"Guess you could say that."

"Well, it was always my experience that when Rachel and Rebecca were found pawing through the freezer after midnight when they were growing up that something was clearly bothering them. Something that kept them up so they couldn't sleep. Never a good sign when one of them would be diving into the sweets and completely silent."

I raised my head and took the final bite of pie that was still balancing on my fork before pushing the plate toward him.

"Help yourself to the rest, Billy. I could make us some coffee to go along with it if you'd like?" I offered.

"You know what? That sounds kind of nice. Thank you, dear."

I got up and prepared the coffee maker with fresh grounds in the hopes that he would drop the issue before trying to explore it any firther. Billy was no fool and I respected his insight and wisdom greatly.

I was placing our mugs down on the table and about to ask him if he wanted any cream or sugar when he reached in his flannel pocket and pulled out a folded stack of papers. He silently held them out to me, as he observed my confused stare and I timidly took them from him.

"What are these?"

"These, my dear, are a copy of all the documentations and reports that relate to the piece of property and the house Jacob shared with Lillian back on the Reservation in Washington. This includes the title report, the deed, and the final purchase and sale agreement he sent out to the realtor through me earlier this month.

My head spun as I stared down at the many documents now spread out across my table. I couldn't even begin to make heads or tales of them as my gaze went wide.

"What- what are you saying? He- He sold the house? His house?" I replied, tripping over my words as the confusion of this all jumbled around wildly in my head.

Billy merely nodded and pointed to the sale agreement with Jacobs name signed legibly at the bottom. I focused on the paper, seeing that there were two other signatures that appeared in black bold ink directly above his.

I reached for the key adjacent to me on the table and held it up for Billy to see as I tried to make sense of everything.

"That key is not for this house, Bella." Billy warmly replied, flipping through the stack of papers until he'd found what he was looking for. "It's for this one."

He plopped a picture of the house that was oddly familiar, but one I couldn't place, down in front of me, and pointed to the next piece of paper which also held Jacobs signature at the bottom. That's when I remembered where I'd seen this house before.

"This is Sue's place, Billy." I softly interjected, as I studied the papers more closely.

"It was her place. Now it belongs to Jacob. The key he gifted you with for Christmas fits the lock on the front door. I know because I'm the one who had it duplicated last week and I tested it to be sure they got it right. Sure enough, it fits." Billy replied, as he placed the silver key back in my hand.

"He did all this...- he sold the house they shared-..."

"Sue's old place has been in much need of repair for years now. After Harry passed, she and the kids found something smaller and no one really took an interest in fixing the place up until Jacob started tinkering on it late last Summer. Said he thought it would make someone a good starter home if he could flip it. He replaced everything himself, all by hand, even the white picket fence in the front yard. I thought it was nothing more than a mere hobby at first, but when I saw his drive to complete it, I got the feeling there was something else behind it. I just couldn't put my finger on what it was exactly and truthfully, I don't think Jacob could either at the time. He worked tirelessly on the place. Whenever he had a few hours on the weekend away from the shop and the pack, that's where he was. Anyway, when I heard you out here in the kitchen digging through the fridge, I thought maybe you were awake because my son finally told you that after ten years apart, he still loves you, but then it occurred to me that you've known that all along because you've loved him the very same way. So, I knew it had to be about this little key. Women don't bury their emotions in ice cream and pie for nothing, you know?" Billy teased

"You heard everything from before and now you catch me in here full of uncertainty, you must think I'm awful-" I sighed, placing the key back down on the table and meeting his stare.

"I would never think that of you. Jacob wanted to wait until you were back home in Washington before showing you Sue's fixer upper that he'd restored. I think he wanted you to know that the two of you could really start over and build something of your very own together, a blank canvas if you will. Of course, that choice is yours and yours alone to make, Bella. You know that. Jacob would never want you to feel a sense of obligation to live on the Reservation with him, and he surely wouldn't want you to feel like you were trailing behind in someone else's shadow. For what it's worth, and for as well as I knew Lilly, she wouldn't want that for the two of you either. Believe it or not, but I assure you, it's true."

I let out a breath I had been holding for far too long and gingerly touched the bottom of the page where Jacob had signed, noticing the three simple words he'd scribbled at the very top there.

'To New Beginnings.'

**A/N: A super late and surprise chapter! What do you think of Jacobs rebuild on Sue's place? Hope you enjoyed this and thank you for your great reviews! Till next time :-)**


	75. Chapter 75

**A/N: Hey guys, so I wanted to take a second and clear up some confusion in the timeline for this story. I receieved an inquiry asking why the Cullens were not part of it, given that in the description it states that this story takes place post Eclipse. I'm surprised that it took me this long to realizethe error I made when listing the desctiption. It should read that the story is set 'Pre-Eclipse' for the timeline. Very sorry for any confusion this may have caused. Thanks for your understanding.**

**CHAPTER SEVENTY-FIVE**

**(JPOV)**

I met Gentry by the border just before one in the morning, the same way I had for the past week now, and we ran the perimeter run together so we could keep a close eye on his property line for the farm. So far, the mysterious clan hadn't tainted the snowy forest with their scent in days and I was hoping it would stay that way. They had freaking vanished as if they'd never crossed this path to begin with.

_"Have a good Christmas? Eat lots of roast and pie?"_ Gentry asked, pounding his massive paws into the ground beside me while we tore through the darkened woods.

I let the memories that flooded my mind do the talking for me and he merely huffed my way in response.

_"I'll send your regards to Billy for the holiday?"_ I replied.

_"Naw, save your breath for something more important. Trust me, you'd be wasting it that way."_ He bitterly retorted.

_"Would it really kill you to try?"_ I hedged to him in irritation. _"You damn well know he loves you. You are his son. Just as much I am. Can't change it."_

_"That's where you're wrong, Jake. Didn't you get the memo or did you forget? I'm the black sheep of your family, man. That's how it's always been. The bastard son who threw a massive upset into the perfect union."_ Gentry retorted.

_"Whatever made you think my family was perfect in the first place? People with perfect unions don't feel the need to have an affair. Case in point with my own. As angry as I've been with you, I take the fair blame for the way things happened myself. Dad made a mistake back then with what he did, but that doesn't mean you're the black sheep of the family."_

Gentry halted his run at this, bringing me up short as we both skidded to a harsh stop there by the icy rivers edge.

_"What the hell is this, Jake? Are you feeling like extending some kind of olive branch cause it's Christmas? You know, 'Tis the season' and all that? Some kind of holiday spirit suddenly clouding your hatred for me?"_ He bitterly retorted.

I huffed at him with a low snarl and looked further down the river with my biting reply.

_"No, jackass. That would be a Christmas miracle and the last time I checked, that crap belongs in a Hallmark card."_

_"Really? Seems to me like you're trying to bridge the gap between me and the old man. Which if you were, I'd tell you not to bother."_

_"You really hate him don't you? How is it possible that you and I are related by blood, but the same man I have respect for, you loath?"_

_"That's an easy one, Jake. Cause you and I are two entirely different people and unlike you, my cold heart doesn't hold a shred a decency for that man. We may share DNA, but we couldn't be more opposite."_ He replied with clear hostility in his tone.

I stepped up to him with a growl then as he roared in challenge to me.

_"I think you're scared." _I accused.

_"I'm not scared of a damn thing."_

_"So if he passed away without the two of you ever resolving things, you'd have no regret?"_ I countered.

He dropped his gaze from mine with a grunt.

"Regret entails there being some kind of remorse and I would have none."

_I tried to keep the anger from my harsh reply, but it seeped out anyway._

_"You know, if you called and asked him, he'd tell you that your mother never bothered to give you any of the letters or the Birthday cards he sent. He told me about them. How he tried to make things right. Just remember Gentry, when he's dead and gone, you won't ever be able to go back in time and change the shit you can right now and you'll have no one to blame but the miserable ass in the mirror you see every morning."_

_"That's just the BS he tries to spin-"_ He roared, rearing up on his haunches as I snarled in return.

_"No- it's the truth, damn it!"_

_"Leave my mother out of this. She was the only good thing I had. I won't let you paint her out to be something she wasn't because Billy wants to play the noble parent after all these years. As it is, I'm already a genetic jinx. Turns out that's what happens when you cross the lines of shifters. You get some messed up hybrid of sorts who phases into a huge ass grizzly instead of a wolf. There's nothing in the legends that tells dear old Billy anything about that, huh?"_ He mocked, and it made me see red. I lunged for him, knocking us both to the snowy ground with nothing but the sound of snarls and snapping jaws that echoed off the trees around us as we fought.

_"You're damn impossible. You know that! Why can't you just try!"_ I raged.

_"What the hell difference is it to you?!_

_"Because it matters to Dad!"_

_"Well isn't that too bad!"_ Gentry thundered with another ground shaking roar as he rolled down the snowy hill and back away from me.

_"What's the matter? Think I'll kick your grizzly ass?"_ I challenged him. _"Come on, Gentry. It's just the two of us out here."_

The thought no more than left me before the disgusting and revolting stench filled both our senses at the same time. It came out of nowhere, with no prelude to it's arrival. My lungs burned almost immediately, as I huffed to rid the offending stench and heard Gentry's urgent yell filter loudly through our connection.

"JAKE!"

The fight suddenly became nothing more than a distant memory as a vice like grip wrapped itself painfully around my middle. I felt my ribs crack instantly under the brutal hold and thrashed violently against it, my wolf gaze glued to Gentry's as the pain rocked it's way through me. Gentry charged forward in two bounds as a crimson eyed leech with long red hair like fire flew out of the darkened tree's behind him with an echoing hiss that filled the air around us. My eyes landed on her and I was thrown back into the past decade as a rush of old memories resurfaced. There was something sickeningly familiar about her scent now and it made me cuss as I realized just who it was that Gentry and I had been chasing for days now.

Victoria.

"Kill him." She screamed. "I've waited so long for this."

Gentry came at her as I struggled to rid the leech on my back, it's suffocating hold unbearable while I fought to get the upper hand.

"You never told me there was more than just him." The voice close to my ear hissed wildly. "You said he would be alone! That we could handle him! You were certain it was the only way to the girl! This wasn't what we agreed upon! We should have brought the others! This is a suicide mission!"

I roared and felt the snap of a fourth rib as a rage fit to be tied consumed me at his reference to Bella. I rolled and threw the leech off me into the snow. He looked up at me wide eyes of red color that was framed by the face of a mere child. He couldn't have been more than a teenager. Some innocent kid she's toyed with to do her damn dirty work for her. The boy with short brown hair backed himself away from me as I lunged forward, snapping my jaws at him and pausing when he tried to get further away from me. He knew they were outmatched and while he was strong, he was equally terrified as he looked to Victoria for some kind of direction.

"Fine, I'll kill them both myself! Coward!"

She came at me first and I charged back in response, the two of us colliding mid air as she landed another blow to me that sent me hurdling into the large base of a nearby tree.

Gentry snatched hold of her before she could fly forward and he tore into her arm without mercy while her high pitched scream surrounded us.

She was demented with the kind of hate that twisted her face as she glared at me upon kicking Gentry hard enough to knock him back a few strides.

_"This the bitch whose been attacking my livestock?!"_ Gentry huffed my way while I shook my head from her previous blow and got back up on my feet.

_"I'm willing to bet on it."_ I solidly replied with a snarl. "I know her. It's been years since we've crossed paths."

_"That kid looks scared shitless."_ Gentry added, nodding toward the cowering boy who was still curled in a ball there in the snow.

"There are more of my kind than there are of yours! You would be fools to think you'll survive such an ambush. They're coming." She taunted with a hiss to me.

"What the hell is she talking about, Jake! What does she mean by more of her kind!? The pack will never get here in time-" Gentry yelled, whipping his head around in every which direction with a sense of true panic heavy in his baritone.

My reply to him was simple as a raging fire I hadn't felt in years wove headily up my spine and spread out to my limbs.

"Destroy them both and burn the ashes."

The growing pain that still lingered in my left side went numb as Bella's face came to mind, and I couldn't help but think of her comment to me a few days ago and what my reply had been to her.

_"So we're kind of like an antidote to each other? I've never heard of such a thing. Certainly out of the ordinary."_

_"We've never been ordinary. You know that. I'm glad. Ordinary is boring."_

Yeah, honey... that's exactly what you are for me.

I met Gentry's stare as he anticipated my next move and followed suit. I circled Victoria while she tried to back herself further into the woods with a look of hunter verses prey in her blood thirsty gaze. She was ready to run just like she had before.

_"If she's created more of them and their headed this way, we're all that stands between them and your farm or Bella-... Clarissa... Charlie and Billy. I need your help, Gentry. We can beat them. I know it."_

_"I haven't made more than a few kills in all this time! I'm not ready-"_ He replied, hearing the determination in my tone when I addressed him.

_"That doesn't matter. It's in you. It' s who you are. What you were born for. You're not a screw up hybrid. You're much more than that. Like it or not, you are Billy's son and my brother and together, we stand a real chance at killing these leeches, but apart we fail. We need each other."_

He whipped his head around as an even stronger scent came rushing in to us from the West.

_"Holy fuck...-"_ He cussed, looking to me for the kind of guidance I hadn't given since I'd stopped phasing.

_"I've got your back. Will you have mine? I'd like to think you wouldn't let them kill me?"_ I hedged, trying to offer him the last shred of a hail Mary either one of us had right now.

I saw the indifference there in his gaze as he looked between a retreating Victoria and myself a few times before offering me his answer.

_"I've got you. Let's end these filthy blood suckers."_

Victoria spun around then in a blur and took off through the snowy Maine woods with the two of us chasing hot after her.


	76. Chapter 76

**CHAPTER SEVENTY-SIX**

**(BPOV)**

I fell asleep by the fire after checking on Clarissa, my talk with Billy had put my mind at rest enough so I could finally get some much needed sleep for the night. When the suns rays touched my face, I was startled awake by a dream that threw me back into the distant past. I gasped as I sat up and looked around, my eyes squinting against the early morning light and my heart pounding while I tried to get my bearings.

I gazed up to the mantle, seeing it was already nearly eight in the morning and threw the heavy blanket off my legs. A loud yawn came from Charlie and Billy while they stirred from their deep sleep and Charlie asked if the coffee was on, but I was too preoccupied to hear him right now.

I went into the kitchen, expecting to find Jacob there already fixing himself some breakfast but was met with an empty table instead. I scurried down the hall, thinking maybe he'd slept in with Clarissa, but she was still fast asleep on my bed amongst the plush walls of pillows that encased her small frame there.

I felt the heavy unease steadily fill me as I recalled the last part of my dream.

A crimson gaze that hadn't filled my nightmares since I was a teenager angrily resurfaced, as her silent and deadly attack blindsided me from behind. Her cold hand wrapped itself around my throat and I struggled to drag the air in my lungs as she whipped me around and held my terrified gaze.

"You don't know how long I've waited for you." She hissed and I knew that begging her for any kind of mercy was futile.

Red painted lips then parted to reveal her venom soaked fangs as the ground shook beneath me with a roar that stopped my heart. Jacob flew over the top of us, plowing into her and locking the two of them in a fight to the death. That's when I woke up, right before I screamed his name.

I shook my head, trying to clear it and to remind myself that it was only a dream. But it had felt so very real and Jacob should have been back from his perimeter run hours ago. I carefully reached out and brushed my fingertips along Clarissa's forehead as Charlie's voice spoke up from the doorway.

"Where's Jacob this morning? Seems a bit early to be doing any errands?"

"He's out on a run. He's picked up jogging since coming here. I think it helps him think, you know? Lets him clear his head" I miserably lied, trying to keep my voice smooth and not show him the fear that was steadily gripping me.

"Yeah, although it looks frigid out there this morning. Hope he dressed himself for it. Guy in his shape doesn't need to jog. Want me to go get some breakfast in town? I could? You've been cooking a lot lately. You deserve a nice meal that you're not in charge of preparing." Charlie offered and I nodded to him in response.

"That would be great. I could use a break. Just eggs and toast for me. Thanks, dad. You can take my truck. Keys are hanging on the hook by the door."

"Alright, kiddo. I'll take Billy in with me for the ride. Anything else you need while I'm out?"

"No, I think I'm all set. Take your time. The harbor is really beautiful this time of year. Would be a shame to miss the Christmas scenery if you rush the trip."

"You make a good point, Bella. Won't be back in these parts for a long time so might as well enjoy it while we're here for the Holidays." Charlie agreed, as he followed me back out to the kitchen where I handed him a twenty and told him to enjoy the ride in town. "Should I get Jacob something? What do you think he'd like for breakfast?"

"Um... eggs and bacon. Just get an extra order for him for when he gets back." I offered up in simple reply.

I saw Billy wheel himself closer to us as Charlie got his coat and looked toward the door. I knew he could see the apprehension in my gaze. There was no hiding it from him.

"Are we going somewhere this morning?" Billy inquired.

"I thought I'd run into town and grab some grub. Wanna come for the ride? Bella says it's nice for the drive this time of year." Charlie asked.

"Sounds like a plan, Chief. Let me get bundled up and we'll go."

Charlie headed outside to warm up my car and when he swung the front door closed behind him, Billy reached for my arm with a knowing look of concern.

"Where's Jacob and why do I get the feeling that you're purposefully trying to get us to leave the house?" Billy hedged.

I moved in closer to him, checking again to be sure Charlie was still outside and wouldn't hear us.

"He went on a perimeter run last night with Gentry and he hasn't come back yet."

I only got the first half of the sentence out before Billy's face noticeably paled at my rambling reply.

"Gentry?" Billy huffed. "You mean-... Gentry Jones?"

I meekly nodded and saw his distant gaze when Charlie came back inside.

"Holy hell is it cold out there! I got the car running, Billy. Hopefully it will get toasty soon enough." Charlie stated, seemingly clueless to the tension that now overwhelmed the room.

"You know, Charlie. I'm not feeling very well all of a sudden, I think I need to lay down for a bit." Billy admitted, purposefully adverting my gaze.

Charlie dropped his snowy gloves on the door mat in front of him and headed swiftly for his oldest friend with a worried expression.

"What's the matter, Billy? Is it your blood sugar acting up again? Are you out of your medication?"

"No, No. It's nothing like that. I just need some more rest is all. You take the drive in and grab us some breakfast while I put my feet up here for a while. I'm in good hands. Bella is a great nurse. I know I'll be well cared for while you're gone." Billy replied, trying to reassure Charlie, though it didn't appear to be working that well.

My father ran a hand over Billy's forehead and threw me a nervous glance.

"I'll be right here with him, dad. He could be worn out. Yesterday was a long day for all of us. Don't stress. You know I'll be the first to call you if something comes up."

Charlie huffed and nodded with a leery compliance then as he headed for the door again with his parting reply to us.

"Okay but I mean it, Bells, if anything is off or -"

"You have my word that I'll call you."

He turned and headed out into the snowy drive then and when the house door clicked shut, Billy and I exchanged a loaded glance while we waited for the sound of my engine to signal my fathers departure from the long and winding road.

He was gone in mere seconds and Billy breathed a heavy sigh of relief in his absence.

"Jacobs been spending time with Gentry while he's been staying here?" Billy questioned. "How long have they been-"

"I don't truthfully know the exact amount of time, but yes, Jake went up and saw him about his farm a few weeks ago. Things with them, as you know, aren't exactly cordial these days."

Billy sighed again and started rubbing his temples at this.

"Who came to who, Bella? The details are important? Please try to remember if you can?" Billy nervously hedged and I felt my alarm only grow from his tone.

"I-I can't recall. Jacob hasn't been all that open to me about him. Not until recently. It's a sore subject. As you can imagine. I mean, the affair he had with Lilly-"

Billy's head snapped up like a gun shot had rung out and it chilled me to see his alarmed look.

"Affair? What affair are you talking about? What did Jacob tell you?"

I swallowed hard and tried to explain the situation to him the best I could, given what little I knew myself.

"It was a while ago. At the beginning of their marriage. Jake said things between him and Lillian were hard back then. He said they fought constantly and the more he embraced the wolf, the more time he was away from her and it made them further estranged. Gentry was in town and things happened between them one night at the local bar. He didn't give me a whole lot of detail about the rest, and he takes a lot of the blame for it himself, even though I don't think he should or that it's fair. You know that's just who he is, Billy." I truthfully stated.

"I never knew." Billy hoarsely replied. "Sam only told me that they'd had a bad fight. One that almost ended the both of them had he not intervened when he did. Gentry took off after that and I haven't so much as heard a word from him since. Not that he ever talked to me in the first place. I didn't know he'd relocated and laid roots somewhere close to Maine."

I sighed and opened my freezer, taking out a sealed package of frozen steak and setting it down on the table in front of him so he could plainly see the name of the farm printed at the top right corner.

"He's done a lot more than laid roots here. He currently owns the Farm his mother left him after she passed. Jake said he took it over a few years ago and runs it. Turns out, I've been one of his faithful customers all this time. I never had a clue who he really was. Small world, I guess."

"Too small." Was Billy's only short reply as my cell phone rang and startled us both. I dashed for it, my heart painfully lodging in my throat when I saw the name flashing up at me for the incoming call. I held the phone up and showed Billy first.

"It's Emily."

"...or Sam. Answer it." Billy hedged while I picked up the call.

"Emily?"

"Bella? I'm so glad you answered. I wasn't sure if you would. I know I haven't called you since you gave me your number before you left for Maine."

"Is it Jake?" I timidly asked, as the room started to spin while I anxiously waited for her answer.

"Yes, that's why I'm calling you so early. Sam left here with the pack hours ago. They're headed for you."

I could feel the color draining from my face as Billy wheeled himself closer to me, and motioned for me to sit down in the chair he pulled out.

"All of them?" I questioned, while my hands started to shake.

"Yes, Sam woke up in the middle of the night with a feeling he said he couldn't shake. He senses when something is wrong with one of his own, Bella. Even from miles and miles away. Part of being Alpha."

Her words had me unable to speak and I blindly reached up for the wolf charm that hung around my neck.

"Wh-What are you saying Emily? Just- Just tell me. Please...-" I struggled in reply and was met with her hesitant silence that had me wanting to scream.

"Sam signaled the others just after midnight last night and I haven't heard word back from any of them yet. What I can tell you is that Sam's been anticipating something like this for weeks now."

"Anticipating what exactly?" I forced out to her. "Spit it out, Emily."

"I swore I wouldn't tell you. I promised Jacob that I'd let him be the one to explain-"

"Emily! I get the loyalty between all of you and I am really not trying to be rude, but if you can't give me some answers then why the hell did you call-" I fumed, trying to keep my anger reigned in long enough to get the damn truth from her. "What is going on?"

"I'll tell you, only because I've been right where you are and I wouldn't wish that kind of stomach churning worry on anyone. So, here it is. When you left for Maine all that time ago, Jacob let you go but he never stopped protecting you- even from afar. Did you really think that a vendetta with a vampire would simply go away? That the Cullens would keep tabs on Victoria forever?"

I released Billy's hand and looked at the guilty expression he wore when he overheard Emily's words while she sheepishly continued.

"...-he was torn in half over the decision to finally stop phasing after he married Lilly, partly because he knew it would be denying what he really was and partly because it would mean he couldn't watch out for you anymore. Not in the same way. It meant losing the only connection he still had tied to you. Jacob struggled with the idea of it- a lot. Leaving the wolf behind haunted him more nights than he let on to Sam, and it killed him to not know if you were safe. He used to come over to the house when he couldn't settle his mind and vent to Sam about it, but the advice Sam gave him was always the same. To leave things where they were and embrace the life he'd built with Lillian. Jacob tracked Victoria on his own for a while but when his last trail of her went cold, he finally stopped chasing her and stopped phasing too. He made Sam swear to him that he'd remain on the lookout for her. Sam was good to keep his word, but that was a long time ago now. They were diligent to be on guard, but When no sign of her had resurfaced, most of the pack assumed that the Cullens had handled their mess elsewhere. But Sam always had a hunch she was still out there somewhere, biding her time and waiting for the right opportunity. I fear that time is now."

My head filled with the images her admission drew up in my mind and I could barely drag air into my lungs, as Billy took hold of my arm and tried to keep me from unraveling.

"Jacob never really let you go, Bella. Would you truly expect any less from him?" Billy huffed, his words forcing me to speak again.

"H-How do you know if they're... if- all of them are-" I choked as the thought took hold. "Have you ever had a dream about Sam, Emily? From the connection? Is that something that can happen?"

"Many times. Did you dream last night?"

Billy looked up at me with a dreaded gaze, his dark eyes anxiously searching mine as I recalled the dreams detail from before.

"I dreamed that Victoria found me and he- Jake was there in the dream, Emily. He stopped her from killing me."

"That's the spirits trying to tell you something. To send you a message. Take comfort in it. Don't be afraid, Bella. Jacob is strong and the pack is there. I'm sure of it. I know how fast they can run when on a mission. They made record time to get to Jake before, they can do it again."

"Gentry is with him." I admitted, hearing Emily's shocked gasp filter through the line.

"They've been patrolling together?"

"Yeah, something like that."

"Maybe there's hope for them after all?"

"Right now, I'm just hoping he steps up. Jacobs life could depend on it, Emily."

"Speaking of Gentry." She nervously began. "I owe you an apology for hinting that the two of you should meet-... it was an ill thought out suggestion and pretty insensitive, too. Sorry about that, Bella."

I shrugged and began to pace there in the kitchen.

"Forget about it. Consider it forgotten already. I have bigger things to worry about. Thanks for calling and letting me know."

"You're welcome. I'll keep in touch and let you know if Sam should send word back this way. Try to sit tight till then."

"Okay, Emily. I'll be waiting to hear from you."

"Oh and uh- I almost forgot- Merry Christmas, Bella. Kiss Billy for me."

"Merry Christmas, Emily. I will."

I ended the call and leaned down to place a kiss on Billy's cheek, knowing he had already heard her parting request from the call.

"Did you think that when you left he would have let you go that easily? You and I both know that it could never have been that simple."

"I thought it could. I thought all this time, we were apart and living separate lives, not extensions of each other. We've been worlds apart for nearly ten years, Billy!"

"Time is nothing but a fools game when you compare it to love, Bella." Billy replied, looking down to the floor with a tired sigh, as if he were debating on finishing his sentence.

"Go on. Whatever it is. Tell me. No more hiding stuff or pretending."

Billy slowly raised his head and met my stare with his solid reply then.

"There may have been oceans and worlds between you and my son all this time, but that doesn't mean he just stopped loving you. Imprint be damned. That never mattered to Jacob. When everything was stripped away, what mattered to him was you. Your safety. Your dreams. Your well being. And since we're on the topic of pretending, are you gonna stand here and tell me you yourself haven't been pretending for ten years to be happy right where you are?"

I turned from him and bit down on my bottom lip as I visibly flinched away from his words.

"I would be lying if I said that Jacob was the only one pretending all this time. I left and that was a choice-"

"-that was based on fear."

I looked toward him in confusion as he boldly stated this to me.

"You know, don't you?"

"Yeah, I know."

"He told you? Jacob told you the real reason why I left?" I asked him in disbelief, feeling a sense of betrayal that I loathed.

"No, I dug more into the legends after you headed for Maine. In my research and findings of trying to figure out how the hell my son would even survive being without you, it occurred to me that the only true reason why you would have left so suddenly the way you did was for that of a selfless cause. I figured it had nothing to do with wanting a new life outside of Washington. Instead, your reasoning had to do with wanting to leave something behind so it could move on entirely without you. Pushing those away who you were closest to, and burying yourself in your career was what you had to do so that we would all believe you were happy with your choices. I have to admit Bella, your plan worked at first. Well, for your father anyway. He embraced that dream with you because he thought that was truly what you desired back then for your life. Had he known the truth, I have a feeling his support may have changed. It's hard to see your kids grow up and start lives of their own. I've seen a lot in my life, but I want you to know that seeing Jacob war with himself over whether or not to give up everything he'd ever known, and follow you to Maine was one of the hardest things I've ever witnessed him go through, and that includes when he first phased as a teenager. So, I don't say it lightly."

I could only look at him when he paused and wheeled himself toward me before finishing his thought.

"When he chose to marry Lillian, he came to me on the morning of the wedding, all dressed in his tux and asked me to tell him that he was doing the right thing by not waiting for you to come back, Bella. That he wasn't making a huge mistake by marrying Lilly. For the first time, I didn't know what to say. I didn't have the right words as his father that he needed to hear from me. I asked him the only damn question I could muster up at the time. Do you know what question that was?"

"No...- What question did you ask him?" I whispered in reply.

"I asked him if his love for her was strong enough to withstand the trial of your return someday. His reply was short and simple. He said, 'I'd fail miserably.' But that afternoon, he married her and the two of them went on to have the kind of future I have a feeling you left here always wanting for him. Am I right?"

"Yes, you are. That's all I wanted for him, Billy."

"I often wonder what it was that you felt the moment you saw him in that ER on the night of the crash. Like a dream that shouldn't be or-"

The very mention of it tore the breath from me as I closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around my middle with a shudder.

"...-a nightmare that wouldn't end." I admitted. "Just like I fear this one will be. I don't want to bring this back into his life."

"It's who he is. That's not determined by you-"

"...but by my poorly chosen past company." I hedged, hearing the soft cry that came from Clarissa and heading to my room after her.

"Some messes take longer to clean up than others." Billy countered.

"Shouldn't be his mess at all."

I picked up Clarissa and checked my phone for the tenth time while I fixed her a bottle and dressed her.

I wasn't sure if I wanted to hear from Emily or not. I was more afraid that she would bring me bad news instead of good, and that it would shatter me to my core.

When Charlie returned with breakfast, he fixed me a plate of eggs and asked where my appetite had gone, but I pretended that I simply wasn't hungry and Billy quickly steered the conversation toward the idea of using their new fishing gear this season. This seemed to do the trick of keeping Charlie's attention until much of the morning had passed.

As noontime crept in, I couldn't sit still and found myself full of sickening worry as I started to pace the floor again. I was beginning to fail at keeping my composure for Charlie's sake and was convinced that I'd crack soon if I didn't hear something.

Not knowing was killing me.

My eyes were glued to the snowy forests edge as I stared out my window and when I caught the first glimpse of movement there, I nearly ran for the door. My heart soon plummeted when the sight of a lone silver wolf showed itself in my back yard, it's tired gaze meeting mine from the snowy porch as I stood there.

Leah.

**A/N: Hey everyone! I hope you all enjoyed this longer chapter update. Stay tuned for more tomorrow. Till then... Be safe always and be blessed.**


	77. Chapter 77

**CHAPTER SEVENTY-SEVEN**

**(BPOV)**

Leah looked truly warn when she phased from wolf to human form and headed my way, her legs barely moving as she stumbled forward at the forests edge. I reached out and caught hold of her before she toppled into the large tree beside me.

"Leah?"

"I came as fast as I could." She managed through her labored breaths. "We left Washington at one and caught the last Red Eye they had bound for here. I had to convince Sam this was the fastest way, but he finally listened to me. When we landed at dawn this morning, we tore off for Jacob and didn't stop once till we intercepted them. All of them. They were like a flood, Bella. There were so many."

She looked as if she would collapse at any moment while she leaned her head against the tall towering tree and took in another ragged breath so she could continue.

"Sam sent me after you. My brother shouldn't be too far behind me. I got a head start on him. We need you to come with us. It's Jacob. He's not healing like he should. He and Gentry took the brunt of the attack before we got there. They got the worst of it. Please, Bella. You have to help him." She forced out, tightly gripping my forearms as she fought to get her strength back.

I saw the true fear reflected in her gaze and it knocked the wind out of me.

"How bad is he, Leah. I don't have anything more than a basic medical bag with me in the house." I urgently countered.

"He's bad, Bella. He's bleeding- and Sam-... H-He couldn't get it to s-stop so he sent Seth and I after you. Gentry helped get him all the way back to his farm. That's where he is now with the others. Come on! We're wasting precious time by standing around!"

I staggered backwards then as Seth suddenly showed, his own haggard appearance causing a gasp to leave me when he stepped out of the tree line beside us. He looked just as drained as Leah. As if they'd been through the gates of hell and back in the last twelve hours.

"Wait right here. I'll be right back." I managed, running for the house and not bothering to care about the alarm I saw on both Charlie and Billy's face when I burst in the front door, and tore my way through the medicine cabinet in the bathroom on a desperate search for the emergency medical bag I kept just under the sink.

My hands were trembling so bad that I could hardly grip the handles of the faded bag I hadn't so much as cracked open twice since Natalie gifted it to me last Christmas. The contents of it spilled out onto the kitchen table while I checked what the once forgotten bag held, and made a mental note of anything else I would possibly need. I pulled out my sewing drawer in the kitchen and grabbed the needle and thread before heading for the front door again.

"Bella, what the hell-" Charlie began, while I shot a pleading look to Billy that I knew he would see clean through with one glance.

"There's an emergency. I have to go. Watch over Clarissa. I'll be back as soon as I can." I hurriedly offered up in reply.

I saw Billy's pale color return when he reached for Charlie's arm and tried to distract him so I could leave.

"Chief, she's got to go. Better let her do her job. Come on- they need her."

I fled from the house then and ran to my car where Leah and Seth were already waiting for me. I tossed the bag in the back and told them to get in before switching over the ignition, jamming the gear in reverse, and whipping the car out of the driveway.

Leah looked at me like she was silently bracing for a possible impact, and Seth's eyes couldn't have been wider, as I weaved madly in and out of the congested traffic that lined the roadway into town. It wasn't long before we were on the highway and I reached over for Leah's seatbelt when my speed steadily approached that of criminal.

"Buckle up. Both of you." I demanded.

They only nodded and clicked their seatbelts in place as I flew down the snowy highway, my hands gripping the steering wheel so tightly that my knuckles were turning white from the force.

I knew my way to the Jones Farm like the back of my hand. I'd been there enough times to recall the fastest route.

"I take it you don't need directions to Gentry's place?" Seth soon hedged from the backseat and I barely acknowledged him. All I could think of was Jacob and what I would be walking into soon. I inwardly cringed and began nervously rocking back and forth in my seat as flashbacks from the accident surrounded me. How bad off he had been. How no one thought he would make it through the night. The piercing and jarring sound of the heart monitors alarm when he flat lined.

I couldn't lose him.

I looked over to Leah, whose eyes were glued to the white roadways ahead while I exited the freeway and made a sharp left hand turn that would take us straight to Gentry's farm.

We still had Thirty-Six miles to go and I was ready to lose it.

A knot the size of a baseball formed in my stomach while I gripped my middle with one hand, and held tightly to the steering wheel with the other.

"Tell me what I'm showing up to, Leah." I began, unable to finish as a wave of nausea made me almost veer the car over to the side of the road. My nerves were already shot and they were wreaking havoc on my stomach.

Leah opened and closed her mouth several times, seeming unable to find the right answer before Seth spoke up on her behalf.

"He killed that red headed bitch. She's nothing but purple smoke and ash. She targeted him more than the rest of us because she knew Jake would never let her get to you. She crushed his left side and laid him open before he tore her granite head from her-"

"Seth...-"Leah warned him, his admission of the events enough to make my tears well up and spill down my cheeks. Seth cleared his throat and tried to recover from before, his soft tone reminding me of the young boy who looked up to Jacob like a younger brother when we were all teenagers.

"She deserved what she got. She can't come after you again. Jacob made sure of it. You know how strong he is. His body is just lagging behind the rest of ours, right Leah? He'll be okay."

Leahs silence felt louder to me than any scream I had ever heard and when I whipped the car on the dirt road that led to Gentry's farm, I hit the gas, pushing my limits with the snow and working hard not to spin as we made our way to the property line.

"I know you're an ER nurse and that you've seen all that there is to see before...-" Leah began.

"...-but?" I continued for her.

"There's a lot of blood."

I threw the car in park then, seeing the house up ahead and only pausing long enough to collect my medical bag, before I ran toward the front door. A tall man with russet skin, that matched the rich golden hue of Jacobs, stood on the snowy porch and paced there as I hurriedly approached. He turned his head my way and I froze where I was when he spoke my name.

"Bella."

"Gentry?"

He meekly nodded and swung the house door open wide for me, while gesturing that I go inside without any hesitation there in his midnight gaze.

The resemblance was striking and I struggled to look away from him as he studied my face from afar. His eyes were a shade of the darkest brown that almost looked to mirror the black of night in color, and his strong jawline was identical to both Billy and Jacobs. There was no question he was part of their family.

"Anything in my house is yours for the taking if you need it. Please- do whatever you wish- whatever it takes to fix him."

I caught the gruff tone he spoke this in before I passed by him and headed inside.

Leah and Seth led me through the huge farm house, following Sams voice until we reached the first room that I could only assume was some kind of study before it had been turned upside down to make way for the large cot that was now rolled out in the middle.

Sam saw me enter the room with my bag in hand and a look of relief visibly washed over his face.

"Damn, finally. I was afraid something else had happened or that they couldn't find you." He sighed, as my eyes went to the blood soaked towel in his hands. "I've tried to stem the flow, but no matter the time that passes, it won't heal."

I ran forward and tore open the medical bag as my focus was drawn to the rest of the pack, who was standing close to the far wall with wide eyed expressions as they looked to Jacob and Sam. All of them were in tact and when my eyes fell on Jacobs still form, I struggled not to let out the scream I'd been holding in since Emily's call earlier today.

"She created a mass of them. We took them all on. Every last one of them. We were outnumbered by a dozen or more, but we held our own. Thanks to Jacob and Gentry. They faced them head on before we got there and joined the fight. By that time, Victoria was on the run and Jacob had tore off after her. He didn't want her to get away like all the times before. He took her on alone when he caught her and he won- but not without Victoria taking her wrath out on him first. He's been out since we brought him here. We have to stop the bleeding, Bella. He's lost a lot."

I held my panic at bay and refocused my attention on the deep gash that ran up Jacobs outer left thigh. The laceration was nearly down to his muscle and I shuddered at the thought of what Victoria's wrath had been.

I dug for the supplies I needed and turned to find Gentry looking on from behind me with an eagerness to help that I recognized from my days of aiding with the interns back at Pen Bay.

"Gentry, I need vodka. Tell me you have some? If so, bring it to me and any extra towels you have in this house."

He only nodded and took off for the kitchen in silent obedience.

"I don't think now is the time to be drinking, Bella." Seth hedged in true confusion. Leah harshly nudged him in the ribs and rolled her eyes with her response.

"She's not going to drink it. With the compromised resources we currently have, she's using the alcohol as a cleaning agent for Jacobs wound. To sterilize it. Lessens the risk of infection for him. At any rate, and with any hope, his body will start to work the way it should and there won't be any risk at all, but we have no way of knowing that right now."

"So, Vodka it is." Seth nervously agreed. "Won't that hurt like hell?!"

"You think?" Leah sighed, steering her younger brother away from Sam and I to join the rest of the pack on the other side of the room.

Gentry returned with what I asked for and held out the full bottle of vodka to me with his earnest words.

"It's all I have. Brand new and still sealed. Use every drop if you have to."

"I may need to. I can't suture a dirty wound like this. If it doesn't heal properly-"

"I get it. Take it all. I'm not worried."

I saw the nervous look on Sams face as he slowly moved over and let me in to work over Jacob. In all the times I'd been in a trauma room and helped save countless patients in the ER, nothing could have prepared me for this. He could need two layers of stitches to properly close this wound.

I felt out of my element and lacked the needed tools a proper hospital would supply us with.

His skin was noticeably hot to the touch and Sam assured me that this was a good sign. That his wolf was lingering there just under the surface, but I couldn't help but observe all the many other small gashes and bruises while I prepared to do the suture.

Victoria had done a real number on him.

"Embry and I re-set his shoulder and his ribs will heal on their own. May take more time than normal and he'll be sore as hell but he will mend." Sam further explained to me.

"... and if he's bleeding internally? Not everything can be mended with magic, Sam." I stated, trying to keep my hands steady as I put on the latex gloves that were in my medical bag and hovered there above Jacob.

"I know where you're going with this and trust me, if we could take him into Pen Bay for treatment, we would. It isn't an option and you know that. He got lucky, with your help, to hide the high fever from the staff after the accident. He wouldn't be so lucky twice, Bella. His skin is already giving off heat like a furnace."

I chose to keep my biting reply to myself and ignored the whirling in my stomach while I started to clean his deep laceration with the vodka Gentry had provided. When I was sure that the gash was as clean as I could get it, I began threading the first stitch.

With every piercing weave of the needle, my eyes would go to his face, and I would intently watch for any flicker of agony to show itself there. To my relief he remained unconscious, and I prayed with all that I was that he would stay that way until I could finish closing his wound and stop the bleeding.

When I was about half way done, Sam peered over my shoulder and I found the courage to ask him the question that had been plaguing my thoughts since I first laid eyes on them in this room.

"He hunted her after I left? Tracked her?"

Despite my question, my attention stayed on the suture as I listened for Sams response.

"He wanted you safe. Above everything else. No matter where you were."

I fought the tears that threatened to blur my clear vision and drew in a steadying breath before continuing.

"Billy told me about everything. About Victoria and Jacobs choice to stop phasing. I know that's why he almost died from that crash, but he's been phasing again routinely for weeks now. Why the change in his healing? Help me understand this, Sam."

"Sometimes the spirits leave us with unanswered questions, Bella. Jacob never fought harder than he did today. Victoria retreated and was ready to flee again, but he wanted her gone for good this time. He didn't want that hanging over your head anymore and I know that when he wakes up, if you ask him, he'd do it all over again to keep you safe."

I didn't break my centered focus and when I had finished the final stitch, I stepped back and let out the breath I was holding. Sam eyed Jacob closely, his gaze glued to the closed gash that angrily lined his outer thigh while we all waited to be sure the bleeding had stopped.

I pulled the bloody gloves from my hands and let them fall to the floor at my feet when Sam placed his hand on my shoulder.

"Good work, Bella. His colors already returning. Won't be long now before he comes to."

"... and when he does? I have no morphine for him. Nothing to dull the pain you know he'll wake up to."

Sam moved himself out around me so we were standing face to face when he offered his reply.

"You really think what got him through at the hospital was the morphine drip you kept him on?"

"Given the dose, yes I do-" I countered, confused as to why he shook his head to me in disbelief upon hearing this.

"Bella, some things can't be explained with science or medicine. I think you've been away from all this so long that you forget the real healing that comes from the connection you have with Jacob, and no, before you assume the wrong thing, I'm not referring to the imprint alone."

With that, he signaled to the others and they all followed him outside to have a word with Gentry who was still lingering by the porch.

I stood there for minutes at a loss for words and could only stare at Jacobs face until Gentry's baritone broke the silence.

"You can stay here with him till he wakes up."

"Thank you."

"Here, take these if you get cold. I'll keep the fire going for you while I check on the horses."

"You have horses?" I asked, taking the heavy blankets from him.

"Yeah, eighteen of them. Had them for years now. I had twenty-one, but that red-headed blood sucker got three of them last week. She'd been toying with my livestock for weeks."

"Sorry." I weakly replied, wrapping the blanket around my shoulders and sitting down on the edge of Jacobs cot.

"Happens, I suppose. I'm the one who should be apologizing to you. Didn't mean to scare you like I did before. Guess it was good of Jacob to knock me back a few strides that night."

I nodded, silently accepting his long overdue apology, and took hold of Jacobs warm hand as Gentry began to leave the room.

"I know he didn't take them on alone. You helped him, right? Till the pack arrived?" I began, noticing how he looked over his shoulder to me in brief acknowledgement of my statement.

"We're brothers. Part of the territory. He would have done the same for me, despite what he might say when he wakes up."

I watched as he left, my eyes glued to the door that closed behind him when the feel of a light squeeze to my hand made me look down at Jacobs face, his expression pained now. I silently cringed as I feared what was coming. He would be in agony and I had nothing to offer him for relief like I did before at the hospital. I thought of Sams words and carefully laid down there beside him on the cot. I draped the blanket over the both of us and kissed his cheek with my whispered words to him.

"I'm right here with you."

**A/N: I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and thank you for your reviews! There will be a new update posted tomorrow.**


	78. Chapter 78

**CHAPTER SEVENTY-EIGHT**

**(BPOV)**

I stayed right by Jacobs side and only moved when I felt his body tense there next to mine. The warmth he gave off was truly stifling and when a fine sheen of sweat began to cover his russet skin, I got up to find Gentry in the hopes that he would have something I could cool him with.

I cracked open the heavy cherry wooden door that led me out of the study and peeked my head around the far corner to see if he was anywhere in sight. When I couldn't find him, I ventured further down the hall and paused by the living room when a photo caught my wandering gaze along the way. I crept quietly across the tile floor and touched the frame of the aged picture that sat there directly above the mantle.

Gentry was young in it and a woman who could only be described as breathtakingly beautiful was holding him in her lap. Both of their smiles were huge while they pointed excitedly to the overflowing bucket of strawberries in their laps. Gentry's gaze was purely innocent in the moment captured and if I had to guess, I would assume that he couldn't have been more than ten.

His mother was strikingly gorgeous, with long thick raven black hair that fell straight around her slim shoulders and down her back. Her full lips and white teeth made her smile one of the most welcoming ones I had seen in a long time. She had the prettiest heart shaped face.

"Need help with something? Are you lost?" Gentry's edgy voice cut in from behind me then and I jumped before placing the picture back on the mantle.

"I-I'm sorry- I was looking for you-" I stammered, turning around to behold the clear annoyance there in his black as night gaze.

"Well you found me." He stated, with a humorless chuckle.

"Jacob's burning up. I know it's just part of his healing, but I was wondering if I could use a cool cloth for him?"

Gentry nodded and narrowed his gaze as he pointed to the picture behind us that had captured my attention.

"That's my mom. If you were wondering. Her favorite thing to do in the Summer was to pick strawberries. She took me all the time when I was younger."

"She's beautiful. You look a lot like her." I timidly admitted, my voice sounding smaller with my nerves now when I spoke.

His gaze alone was intimidating and I found myself eager to get away from him as he gestured that I follow him into another part of the house.

"She's been gone a while now, but thanks."

"I'm sorry that you lost her." I truthfully offered, seeing his sharp head turn at my words, like he hadn't been expecting me to offer him any kind of sympathy or condolence.

"Me too. Was the hardest thing I ever went through." He gruffly countered. "Come with me-..."

I silently followed him out to the large kitchen, and stilled there in the doorway while he fetched a bowl from the cupboards. I observed his movements, as he quickly filled it with cold water, before pulling a cloth from the drawer next to him and handing it to me.

"Thank you, Gentry." I softly replied.

"Any change? Sam is still sticking close by in the woods. He took the rest of them on patrol around these parts. Think he wants to be sure there isn't any left behind from the ambush. He's thorough like that, huh?"

"Yeah, that's Sam for you. He handles things well like that. Jacob is still resting. So far, he seems to be comfortable, but I worry that will change when he wakes up. I wish I had something for him-"

Gentry crossed his arms over his chest and looked me over, his lingering gaze making me wonder what he was thinking.

"That's what you're for, right? Isn't that how it works? This whole friends for life- but more than that- imprint bond- kind of thing." He sarcastically drawled in return.

"Yes- but no- it's complicated."

"So, uncomplicate it for me Nurse Swan. I may not be the brightest crayon in the Crayola box but I like to think I can still figure out some riddles like these from time to time."

"There's no riddle to figure out."

"Oh okay." He chuckled again. "Surely that's a lie. You need to work on your poker face. Anyone ever tell you that?"

"No, I can truthfully say that they haven't. What makes you think I'm lying. If one of us in this room is an expert at that, I would think it would be you, Gentry?" I pointedly hedged, my tone a little less soft and more edgy with this.

Gentry let his arms fall and pulled open the fridge, as he reached in for a beer and popped the top of it easily. He took a long haul from the glass bottle before whipping his mouth and looking my way.

"Jake told you about Lillian and I, didn't he?"

"Of course, why would you assume that he wouldn't?" I countered. "We're pretty open with one another-"

"So open that you left for a different state and didn't bother to even check in for ten years. Yeah, okay. That's pretty damn open if you ask me."

I shook my head and turned away from him, not wanting to start a pointless battle of words with someone who I barely knew.

"Thanks for the cloth and the water. I appreciate it."

"Hey- hold up." He quickly retorted. "I'm not that much of an ass, you know? There are two sides to every damn story. Are you even interested in hearing mine or have you already formed an opinion about the bastard half brother who became the homewrecker in this quant little tale?"

I felt my cheeks grow hot when he callously stated this, and not from embarrassment, but from an anger that I'd always held when it came to something or someone hurting Jacob.

I loathed it- intensely.

"There's always two sides to any story, including my own. I'm just not interested in hearing you spin things for your benefit, so you come out looking like the martyr somehow instead of the villan."

He pushed himself off the counters edge and took a few menacing strides my way, his six foot three tall and muscular frame large enough to tower over me, but wildly failing in comparison to Jacobs herculean stature. I merely looked him in the eye and didn't move as he peered down at me with a mix of anger and hurt there in his loaded gaze.

"I'm not the villan." He solidly replied and I heard the regret there in his deep baritone.

"...but you were?" I meekly hedged. "Maybe back then."

"I screwed up." He admitted.

"Everyone does. I think you staying and fighting for Jacob when he couldn't shows who you really are, but of course, that's just my opinion. I know of someone who would be pretty damn proud of you if you ever decided to open up to him."

"I'd rather fight off another army of newborns than speak a word to dear old Billy Black."

"Your father, you mean, right? Cause that's who he is and I happen to know him really well. You're missing out."

I left the room then without looking back and headed to the study where Jacob was, my steps swift as I retreated from the unnerving exchange with Gentry.

I placed the bowl of cold water down on the floor beside the cot and drenched the cloth before running it along Jacobs arms and forehead. He only moaned in discomfort once and I took hold of his warm hand when his face changed from peaceful to pained.

"I'd take this from you if I could. Weak and feeble me would try anyway. Sucks to be so human and powerless sometimes."

His hand tightened in mine and I glanced down to see the pain ease slowly out of his handsome face while I continued to talk to him. I knew he could hear my voice and I wanted to soothe him in any way I could.

"Sam and the others are still close by. They'll be back to check on you soon. You had them all pretty worried. She did some real damage, Jake. Scared me too. Seth told me that you ended her- that she's gone. I had no idea that you tracked her after I left. I shouldn't be surprised though. I don't know why I was. You have this way of doing what I think is impossible. You put your life on the line for me."

I dipped the cloth in the cool water again and pressed it to his chest as the beads of sweat began to trail down his toned skin there.

"I could never have imagined all this last year. If someone had asked me what I would do if you came crashing back into my life- literally- I would have told them that they were crazy for even suggesting such a thing. Truth is, no matter the miles I put between us, you were still on my mind and in my heart. You helped heal things for me as a teenager and you're still doing it now- even if you don't see it- you are. You know I tried not to- at first-" I humbly admitted. "I tried to keep this thing- us- the close friendship we'd found again as just that. I really did. The timing has never been on our side, but then I realized in that trauma room with you that time runs out- it's not promised to anyone."

I trailed my fingertips lightly over his heart as I placed the cool cloth back on his forehead and looked down at him.

"I've always heard people say that true love is friendship set on fire and I think it's true. I can't help it- you're part of me- and I've fallen completely in love with you."

The many hours passed and I sent a brief message to Billy, letting him know that Jacob was healing and that I was with him. He replied to tell me he would keep Charlie busy until we returned and that Clarissa was doing just fine in their care.

I tucked the cell phone back in my jeans pocket and carefully touched the sutured wound on Jacobs thigh, the angry pink line there now more prominent than before.

He was mending, albeit slower than anticipated, but he was getting better.

I laid myself back down next to him and rested my head on his shoulder, careful not to jostle him as I listened to his heartbeat. I began counting the beats of it to pass the time and when I heard a sudden change in it's rhythm, I raised my head and felt him tense up. He sucked in a sharp breath that made me hold my own as his eyes flew open with a pained groan.

I moved, in fear of hurting him from being too close but he stopped me with his good arm as another pained gasp left him. He pulled me in closer to him and tried to move further in an attempt to get up from the cot.

"No, don't. Jake, it's okay. You're okay."

He ceased his movements at the sound of my voice and met my gaze while I hovered there above him. His pained words making it hard for me to keep my composure.

"Clarissa?"

"She's okay. she's safe with Billy and Charlie. They have her with them."

His brown eyes roamed over my face then as I moved the cloth from his forehead.

"How bad-" He managed.

"Bad enough." I truthfully told him. "I did all I could. I don't have anything to give you, Jake. No morphine or-"

He only shook his head to me in reply, and guided me down to rest against him again, his pained words reaching me as I settled there.

"Just you. You're enough."

A/N: Thank you for reading this new update and I hope you all enjoyed it! Stay tuned for more tomorrow! As always please stay safe and be blessed! Thank you so much for all your wonderful reviews :-)


	79. Chapter 79

**CHAPTER SEVENTY-NINE**

**(BPOV)**

Jacob barely got any rest as the night wore on and when Charlie called my cell for the fourth time in a row, I knew that avoiding the truth with him was no longer an option. He needed some kind of answers. There seemed to be no way around it.

"Hello?" I quietly answered, carefully rising from the cot and glancing to the hallway where Gentry was idly waiting in the dark.

"I consider myself to be a fairly patient person, but it is almost midnight and I haven't been able to get a straight answer out of Billy concerning your whereabouts all damn day. I think it's time you let me in on whatever secret you're keeping. Where is Jacob?"

Charlie's voice was as stern as I'd ever heard it and I flinched from his harsh tone with me. The look on Gentry's face told me that he too could hear the anger coming from my father.

"Dad, there's been- there was-... Jake-..." I struggled, feeling confused when Gentry stalked forward and silently held out his large hand for the cell. I narrowed my gaze to him in suspicion as he waited for me to comply.

He took the phone from me when I hesitated further and I reached for it again when he casually raised it to his ear and began a conversation with Charlie.

"Chief Swan, is it?"

I stared at Gentry with wide eyes of disbelief as he hunkered down in the empty chair that was placed by Jacobs cot and continued.

"You probably don't remember me much- I'm Gentry Jones-...(Long Pause)… Yeah- that's right- from Sams place a while ago. I know it's been a bit since I've graced his doorstep, but I have a farm of my own a few miles from Bella's now. I'm sorry I've taken up their time today with this place- I just needed some help with my livestock. Some of my fences needed repairing and Jacob was kind enough to offer his helping hand, and uh, unfortunately he took a nasty fall behind one of my tractors earlier. Sliced him open pretty good too but your daughter is one hell of a nurse. She got him right as rain in no time. He's mending as we speak. He'll be fine by the end of the day tomorrow...(another long pause)… Yeah- She's really on her toes that one-... Yes, I do have a lot of horses. Didn't know Sam told Billy about them-... I'd be happy to have you over here for some riding this Spring. There's a few nice trails out my way I could take you on. Alright- sure thing-... that sounds good...-here's Bella. You take care there Chief. Stay safe."

I couldn't hardly blink when he finished his conversation and handed me the phone, as if he hadn't just rambled off a long string of lies like it was nothing.

"Hi, dad." I answered again, watching Gentry while he peered over Jacob as he slept. "Yes, I am here with him now. Okay, I'll see you tomorrow. How's Clarissa and Billy-... good-... okay-... good night, dad."

When I ended the call and looked back to Jacob, Gentry was gone from the room as quickly as he had entered it and I followed swiftly out after him.

He wasn't in the house and when I heard the back door close, I headed for the bitter cold of the outdoors. I caught up to him just as he was heading into the barn.

"Hey- mind telling me where you came up with all that stuff just now?"

"You're welcome, Nurse Swan. Jeez, you know for a bright woman, you can be awfully daft sometimes." He hedged.

"What's that supposed to mean? It wasn't your place to tell my father-" I countered in annoyance.

"What were you going to tell him- 'oh hey dad, by the way, Jacob almost died today after fighting off a ravenous pack of blood thirsty newborns created by the red headed leech whose been after me for years now, but don't worry, he should pull through.'...-" Gentry mocked in suggestion, while heaving open one of the heavy stall doors and letting one of his many horses out to roam.

I shook my head in frustration and backed away from the large black stallion that stepped out of the stalls confines with a loud huff into the cold air.

Gentry only smirked at my reaction as he petted the horse and looked my way again with clear amusement on his face.

"Are you afraid of a horse?" He asked me in disbelief. "All the crazy ass danger that surrounds you in the supernatural and this is what you're afraid of? You can't be serious?"

"Horses are huge. Massive." I timidly stated, moving myself even further away from them as the horse trotted forward. Gentry took hold of his reigns and motioned me forward.

"Come here- they're majestic animals, you know? They're in tune with us as humans more than most. You'd be surprised how much you could come to love a horse if you only gave it a try. Not everything or everyone is as scary as they appear sometimes.

I understood the double meaning behind his loaded comment and meekly stepped forward with an outstretched hand to the black stallion.

"Are you sure? What if he kicks me?"

"No way I'd let that happen. This here, is Guss. He's my gentle giant of the bunch. Now, I do have some that are more wild than others. He's not one of them."

Gentry reached out and guided my hand forward with an assured nod my way when my hand touched the soft mane that easily ran through my fingertips like silk.

Guss moved forward and leaned his head down at my touch and I smiled when he playfully nudged me back.

"Wow, he really is a gentle giant." I observed.

"Fast as hell, too. When he really needs to be. Want to brush him?"

"You'd let me?"

"Course, here- take the reigns for him and I'll get the brush at the end of the stalls. It's one of his favorite things." Gentry replied.

"I looked Guss over, seeing how well care for he was and I silently wondered if all these horses had belonged to Gentry's mother at one time.

Once he returned with the brush, he handed it over to me with a smile that almost touched his eyes and it made me think of Billy.

"Now- be sure to do long even strokes and he'll stand still for you." Gentry explained, demonstrating the way it should be done. I intently observed and followed after him, and after a few more minutes, found myself completely content to be brushing Guss all on my own.

"I think maybe I have the hang of it."

"See, you're a natural, Bella. Nothing to be scared of."

"How long have you had these horses?" I questioned, as he leaned against the adjacent stall and fed the other horses some fresh hay.

"Almost twenty-years. My mom, she adored them. When she passed, I couldn't bring myself to sell them. They were a big part of her. Now, they've become an even bigger part of me." He admitted.

"You have a real way with animals." I carefully observed.

"You mean, because I am one, right?" He hedged to me in humor.

"No, I mean that you just have a way with animals. They seem drawn to you."

Gentry nodded and sat down on the ground there in front of me, his knee's drawn up as he rested his elbows there with an intrigued gaze.

"I get it now." He soon stated.

"Get what?"

"Jacobs inner monologue about you." He huffed, tossing handfuls of hay around at his feet before reached in his back pocket and lighting a cigarette. I stopped brushing Guss and reached for it before he took take a second drag.

"Those things will kill you, Gentry. Don't smoke. Terrible habit."

"There are worse things, Bella. Besides, I don't age, remember?"

"You don't know what the future holds. Better quit now while you're ahead of the game." I countered, continuing on with brushing Guss and admiring his shiny black coat.

"Oh yeah, and what game am I ahead of exactly? Please feel free to enlighten me cause from where I sit, I'm on the losing end of things right now."

"Would it kill you to try? Even a little?"

"Yep, and I'm too young to die." He bit back, the hostility in his tone almost painful to hear.

"He'll never hate you. He could never. So, if that's your goal-..." I sighed.

"Billy Black already hates me."

I dropped the brush down by his feet and hunkered down in the hay there beside him, his face awash with shock and confusion when I met his gaze.

"You're wrong, Gentry. You just are."

"I don't think I am." He bitterly replied.

"You only get one family in this life. That's it, and take it from someone who knows what lonely feels like, don't push everyone away and ever expect to be happy. You need people. Like it or not. It's fact. You can't live out here and off the land on your own forever."

"I can sure in hell try." He sighed, the defeated sound of it making me stare at him as he looked out the opened barn door into the snowy night. He was silent for a long moment before clearing his throat and turning his head back to me. "Lilly used to say that, you know?"

"She did?" I asked, noticing the way he spoke her name and drawing my knees up to my chest as he went on.

"Yeah, she used to say that I was my own worst enemy. She wanted me to make amends with Billy, too. Thought there was some kind of greater purpose of healing in it for me. Lilly was just that way. Always believed everything could be worked out. nothing was too devastating for redemption. I never agreed with her."

"Did you know her before-..." I softly asked, feeling my nerves swirl in my stomach as I dared to breach the difficult subject with someone I hardly knew before today.

"-before we slept together?" He huffed with a regretful tone to me. "She wasn't a conquest to me if that's what you're asking."

"Sorry, it's none of my business." I replied.

"Nah, it's okay. I guess it isn't some big damn secret I have to keep now- so- I loved Lilly. Loved her for a thousand reasons."

"Do you think you'll ever want to fix things with Jacob and Billy? Even if you know that's what she would have wanted you to do?" I timidly asked, seeing his gaze soften at the mention of her name again.

"Maybe...-"

I slowly got to my feet and wrapped my arms around my shivering frame, as I patted Guss one more time and started heading back inside to check on Jacob.

"Thanks for letting me brush out Guss and a maybe is certainly better than a no." I replied to him over my shoulder as I trudged through the snow.

A slight ripping sound followed by a subtle roar made me turn back around to see him there behind me and no longer on two legs. He waited for me to make it to the porch before nodding my way and running toward the darkened forest.

Jacob was still fast asleep when I rejoined him in the study and tried to warm myself under one of the heavy blankets Gentry had left behind earlier. Within just a few minutes, a low husky tone filled the silence.

"Bells-..."

I dropped the blanket and went to him with a nervous sigh.

"You're awake-..."

He nodded and looked to the window with alarm.

"What time is it?"

"Almost one in the morning. It's okay. Charlie just called. Clarissa is doing okay. So is Billy."

"Do they know?" He gruffly asked, coughing from his dry throat.

"Let me get you some water." I hedged, reaching for the glass and handing it to him with a hopeful glance. "You've been out for hours again."

Jacob took the full glass from me and gulped it down greedily, his movements slow when he tried to sit up.

I took hold of his hands and helped him all the way as he winced and touched his leg. He looked down at the closed gash that's angry pink color was now steadily fading, and gestured to his sore ribs with an annoyed grimace.

"Has Sam come back?"

"No, but Gentry just left for the woods." I admitted.

"By himself?" Jacob huffed.

"Yes, I think he's headed to find Sam and the others to give them an update on you."

"He's staying on alert just in case." Jacob stated, leaning back against the pillows I adjusted for him and groaning when the abrupt movement made the soreness in his ribs worse.

"How do you feel? Be honest with me?" I asked, leaning in over him and wiping the sweat from his brow.

"Like hell, honey." He sighed, resting his head with a heavy sigh. "Thank you for being sure Clarissa was alright."

"Of course." I replied, placing a blanket over his legs and kissing his temple before heading into the kitchen to refill his water.

"You saved my life, Bells." He huffed to me before I could get very far.

"... and you saved mine. I guess now we're even." I lightly countered to him with the hint of a smile that he returned.

I breathed out a sigh of relief and filled the water glass at the sink with the whispered truth there on my lips.

"... you're still saving mine. You just don't know it."

**A/N: Hey guys so, I always try to be honest with you as my readers. Here it goes... today was an unexpectedly hard day for me all around. I've had some health issues arise and without going into detail here, it surely has me worried. With that being said, I will still continue to update this story on a regular basis in the upcoming weeks, so no worries, but I sure would appreciate the thoughts and prayers. Thank you and I hope this update finds you all well. More to come tomorrow afternoon. Till then...**


	80. Chapter 80

**CHAPTER EIGHTY**

**(JPOV)**

Gentry had come through for me when I needed him most, and finally ending Victoria had been a harder battle than any of us were ready for but in the end, we won. We defeated that sadistic leech and her many followers. When I saw her take off for the trees again in quick retreat, something inside me snapped and the wolf took fully hold. I should have collapsed from the pure exhaustion alone, but I didn't. My body went numb from adrenaline as I chased after her, pushing myself harder and faster than I had ever gone before. I was hungry for the kill. There was no sweeter victory than tearing her apart piece by piece while she shrieked in defeat and faded away before me into nothing more than ash when I lit her remains on fire. I watched the choking purple smoke bellow up high into the sky as I staggered forward and fell on my knees in the snow. A river of red poured out from me and seeped into the white below, melting a trail in it's wake as Gentry came into view.

He yelled for me, trying to reach me through the pack connection, but my hearing was muffled and my head pounded furiously. I was mildly aware of the chaos unfolding around me then as Sam showed up and phased back to human form, his yelling to Gentry loud and frantic.

"He's not healing! He could bleed to death out here if we don't get him somewhere-"

"We can take him to the farm. Come on. I'll get us there."

I faded in and out of consciousness along the journey back to Gentrys and when he spoke to me, I was only able to catch every other sentence, but a few of them stood out to me more than the rest.

"Hey-Jake- man- don't die on me, alright? Stay with me. I know I can be a real ass sometimes but damn it- just hang on for me. Almost there, bro."

I heard the panic in his voice and it wasn't lost on me that Gentry had never called me 'bro' like Sam and the others in the pack always had.

I fought against the constant pull into the unconscious, and couldn't stop the ragged scream that left me when I was jostled a little too roughly. Gentry's angry tone cut through my own piercing yell then.

"Easy! Watch how you move him!"

I struggled to stay awake with every section of snowy forest we crossed. I could feel the life draining from me as the rustic tinge of my own blood filled the air around us.

Her name left my mouth without conscious thought then.

"Bella...-"

"She's okay, Jake. She can thank you in person for killing that twisted bloodsucker herself once you're healed. We're almost to the farm. Just a bit longer."

I violently shook and not from tremors but from a bone chilling cold that started to overwhelm me.

_I was never cold._

I forced out the words before succumbing to the darkness that was forcefully pulling at me.

"Tell Clarissa and Bella that I love them. Promise me, Gentry."

"No, Jake. Cause you're gonna tell them both yourself soon enough. You won't need me to do it for you."

That was the last thing I heard before everything went black.

It was both suffocating and disorienting to wake up and not know where you were or how long you'd been out for, but when the panic struck me, there she was. I could feel her long before I saw her, and when her voice filled the deafening silence, I wanted to take her in my arms, but that movement was impossible for me right now.

"No, don't. Jake, it's okay. You're okay."

That voice.

It had never sounded sweeter to me.

Nothing could calm the raging storm in me like the sound of her voice could.

It was hell to be stuck feeling idle on the confines of this cot with the limited mobility I had, but Bella was there with her hand in mine whenever I started to get restless.

Gentry had showed himself a few times throughout the night, asking if I needed anything, or if he could get something to eat for Bella. He kept his distance though once the morning steadily crept in again.

I moved slightly and stilled when Bella buried her face into the groove of my neck while she slept, her hand resting on my chest and her closeness enough to keep me down a bit longer.

I placed my hand over hers and thought back to my time in the hospital, and how her presence alone had healed me far more than any of the stuff they'd pumped me full of at Pen Bay. She curled herself into me further when the room started to brighten from the fast approaching dawn, and I whispered the only thing I'd been wanting to tell her again since I first came to.

"I love you, Bells."

The study door cracked open then as Gentry peeked his head in and nodded my way.

"You're awake early. How do you feel?" He asked, observing the way Bella was laying with me and narrowing his gaze some.

"I'm sore, but less than before." I replied.

"That's good. Are you hungry? I make a mean omelet with a side of bacon." Gentry offered, anxiously shuffling his feet.

"I could eat. That actually sounds good. Thanks."

"No problem. I'll let Sam know you've got some of your appetite back. I'm sure he'll be glad to hear it. He split the pack into two groups last night. Sent half of them back to Washington and left Leah, Seth, Paul, and Embry here to stay close by just in case."

"Have you done a perimeter run with them yet?" I hedged, seeing his half smirk of amusement.

"You already know the answer to that. Don't play dumb with me. I'm a lone bear kind of guy. How I like it around here. Well, at least, it always has been in the past. Guess I'm just used to it."

I nodded to him in understanding, as he left the study to start in on cooking breakfast.

I soon felt Bella stir next to me. She slowly opened her eyes and moved back from me in sudden alarm, as if she was afraid that she could hurt me from where she'd been resting.

"Morning, honey."

She smiled with relief clear in her gaze as she reached out and cradled my face.

"You're already awake. That's encouraging. How's the pain this morning?" She inquired.

"Tolerable but I think that has more to do with you than anything else." I admitted.

She blushed and released me, the color in her cheeks making my heart warm in response to the sight of it.

"You would say that." She mused in return.

"Did you call Charlie and Billy again?" I asked, knowing how alarmed they would be by now if they hadn't heard more from us.

"Well, to be honest, Gentry helped me a lot with that."

"What do you mean?" I countered, already fearing the answer before she gave it.

"He made up some story about needing you and I for repairs around the farm. He spun it so that Charlie would think you were injured from a tractor mishap. He sold the whole thing with ease. Maybe a little too much ease if you ask me, but in any case, it worked. Charlie has only texted me once since Gentry talked to him. Seemed to calm his worries."

"Well that was...uh-... unexpected-" I stammered, seeing the amused look on her pretty face.

"You could say that. He showed me the horses in the barn. I never knew he had so many of them. He even let me brush Guss, the black stallion."

"Gentry's had those horses for years. They were his moms."

"That's what he told me. Said he couldn't part with them once she passed."

"He's got a good heart, deep down. He really does. I owe him big time for getting me here." I truthfully told her.

"He has a lot more of Billy in him than what he wants to admit I think. He's loyal and reliable much in the same way. Why is he so angry with him? Hasn't he tried to reach out?"

"It's a mess, Bells. Has been for a long while now. Billy sent Gentry a ton of Birthday cards and even a few letters when he was just a kid, but I don't think his mom ever showed them to him. For whatever reason, we'll never know. To Gentry, Billy abandoned him, but that's not what really happened. My dad made a mistake, but I know he loves Gentry. It hurts him to see things this way. So torn apart and estranged. I'm not sure things will ever mend for them. Would take a damn miracle if you ask me."

"Well, miracles happen sometimes. You're proof of it." She sincerely replied with a slight grin to me. "Think you're up for getting out of this cot today? We could try walking? See how much weight you can put on that leg?"

"Sounds good, honey."

She helped me up off the cot and wrapped my arm around her shoulders with an encouraging smile to me.

"Come on, I'll help you get cleaned up if you want? A bath might feel good right about now?"

I saw the vivid blush stain her cheeks again when she slowly came to realize just what she was offering, and I could only chuckle with her when she nervously peered up at me.

"A bath, huh-" I hedged, touching her cheek while I carefully steadied myself there next to her on one leg, before daring to put any kind of weight on the other.

"I-well-I didn't mean- I only meant-..."

"It's alright, Bells." I hedged, kissing her cheek and holding her gaze. "I know what you meant."

"Okay." She teased me back in relief while helping me forward. "One foot at a time there Casanova."

"Oh- ouch- okay- is that really what you're calling me now? Cause, if so, I got to tell you, honey- that stings-..."

She merely shook her head at my comeback and waited for me to gain my bearings better before moving forward again.

I winced with a sharp inhale when my foot pressed down on the floor beneath us, and all the humor left her face as she tried to keep me steady.

"You can lean on me a little more, you know? I'm really not gonna break. I swear it. I'm not that fragile." She hedged to me.

"I know you won't. You proven that over and over again." I replied.

"I try. Now, one step at a time, remember. Try not to get ahead of yourself. You don't want to reinjure anything. Don't need any set backs."

I nodded and cautiously put weight down on my other leg, the pain was there, but it hurt far less than I thought it would. Bella's gaze never left my face while I took the first step forward with her and exhaled the breath I was holding.

"Not bad. I can put weight on it now. Pain is still there, but it's bearable. I'm finally healing faster."

"That's good. Come on, slow and easy to the bathroom." She sighed, gesturing to the study room door that led us out to the hallway where the master bathroom was located.

It took us some time and whenever I would wince, Bella's grip on me would tighten and she'd wait patiently for me to gain my footing again. Once we made it all the way down to the far end of the long hall, she swung open the bathroom door with her free hand and switched on the light. I leaned against the door frame there, tightly gripping the handle for support while she hurriedly drew a hot bath and laid out a towel and washcloth for me.

"This bathroom is something else...-" I admired, noticing the huge layout of the oversized tub and wondering if Gentry had put it in himself to better accommodate someone of our size.

"Yeah, it is. Never seen a tub this big."

"Me neither."

"Definitely room for you to soak comfortably in here." She replied, helping me into the bathroom and closing the door behind us.

I motioned to the torn sweats I still had on and chuckled in response.

"I think it's safe to throw these in the trash."

"Yeah, they've surely seen better days." She replied, lightly touching the waistband with a breathy laugh that held my attention for a moment too long. "I'll- uh- tell Gentry to keep a plate warm for you?"

I could only stare at her, as she looked up at me with those doe eyes of hers that had always been my undoing. She took a step closer to me and gingerly trailed her delicate fingertips over my bare chest. Her simple touch sent a shudder through me and she stilled her hand when she felt it under her palm, her gaze filling with something I had only dreamed about until now.

She stepped back and turned off the water so the tub wouldn't overflow, her heart now racing wildly in her chest.

"Thank you." I managed, trying to keep my voice even and steady with her, despite the thoughts that were swirling around in my head.

"You're welcome."

Her tone alone told me she felt it, too. The steady pull that the both of us had been trying to ignore for days now.

All the glances, all the touches, and all the moments like this one that left us both aching for more but equally terrified to make that first move. I had a feeling that my fear came from an entirely different place than hers. I was more afraid of rushing something that we both weren't ready for than anything else, but the more time that went on, and the more I was with her, the harder it was to ignore that desire. We were both hiding our emotions just under the surface and it was torturous at times. My hands twitched and I struggled not to grab her by the waist and pull her up close against my chest. The smile from her lips faded and the hot intensity of her gaze almost became more than I could stand. It stirred something in me and took over my thinking. The pain I had just been feeling became nothing more than an unimportant blur that was soon banished to the furthest recesses of my mind. I longed to be with her in such a way that was far more than words, in a way that was completely tangible. As close as two souls could ever be. Her scent alone left me in a heady trance as I took in her beauty while we stood there. Living with her this past month made me know that with one touch, it would be over. All passion, intense and intoxicating. Whenever I kissed her, our lips fitted perfectly-as if they were meant for each other.

I wanted her. Craved her. More than she could ever know. In her eyes, I saw home and a place to heal more than just my body, but to heal my soul.

"I'll be out in a little while."

"Okay, I'll be right outside the door here in case you need anything. Just yell for me?"

"I will, honey." I assured her, watching as she left me to get undressed, a task I knew would take more time than it ever had before.

I leaned against the wall for support as I removed the tattered sweats and tossed them to the floor. It took some tricky maneuvering, but once I was comfortably settled in the tub and fully submerged in the hot water, I felt all my muscles begin to relax. The struggle had been well worth it in the end.

I scrubbed the dirt from my skin and glanced down at the fading scar on my left thigh, the angry red line now barely pink, but still noticeable. My ribs were more sore than anything else right now but I could already feel that they too were mending.

My head fell back against the porcelain tub as I reflected on how close I'd been to not coming back from this one. Luck had been on my side and Bella had saved my life... for the second time.

I soaked in the oversized tub until the water started to get cold. After a few more minutes, I could see Bella's lingering shadow there just under the door and it brought back the images that had me aching for her. I was convinced that fighting this was a slow form of torture.

When the tub was drained, I dried off and wrapped the towel she left securely around my waist, before I told her she could come in.

Bella pushed open the door and held out a change of clothes to me with a timid grin.

"Gentry gave me these for you. He said you should fill them out just fine."

"We're about the same size so-" I began, noticing the shake of her head in disagreement. "What?"

"You may be half brothers and all, but he's not the same size as you are." She admitted, adverting my gaze as her eyes appreciatively roamed over my bare chest and abs. "You're bigger than he is."

I took the clothes from her and paused when she helped me pull the black T-shirt on over my head.

"I feel better." I sighed,

"Good, breakfast is waiting for us in the kitchen. Gentry is at the table already. He said he wants to talk to you before we head back to my house this morning."

"What about?"

"I'm not sure. Seems like something is on his mind though. He made you two huge omelets with extra bacon. I have to say, I don't think he's half bad at cooking." She admitted, as she left the bathroom so I could finish dressing.

"Doesn't touch yours. No way."

"You can't say that. You have to actually eat it first before determining whose a better cook." She playfully implored.

"I don't have to. I already know."

"That's playing favorites-"

"You are my favorite." I replied, clutching the towel tightly around my waist as her gaze dropped to it.

"Get dressed." She chuckled to me while she closed the door.

**A/N: Hey everyone! I want to thank you so much for all the kinds reviews for the last chapter posted. I can't tell you what it means for all the wonderful get well wishes you sent to me. Thank you very much. I am hoping that all of you are well and safe when you receive this longer update tonight. I will be sure to keep you posted on my health in the next upcoming weeks. Please leave a review for this chapter with your thoughts! Till next time my readers...**


	81. Chapter 81

**CHAPTER EIGHTY-ONE**

**(JPOV)**

I seldom got things right these days, but as it turned out, Bella had been wrong about the cooking. While the breakfast Gentry made us was great, it failed miserably in comparison to Bella's skills in the kitchen. Call it my own taste or a case favoritism, either way, I preferred her breakfast over any other.

"You look better. Good to see you up and around. You seem to bear wait on that leg without too much trouble." Gentry huffed to me from across the table, as he gulped down the last few swallows of his orange juice and met my gaze.

"Thanks, I feel better, too. That tub is really nice, man. Put it in yourself?"

"Yeah, I installed it last Winter. Had to have something that I could actually fit in." He mused, shoveling in more bacon and offering Bells the last few pieces while I pushed my empty plate away. I was stuffed.

"So, what's on your mind? Bella said you wanted to talk with me before we get on the road for home?" I began.

"Yeah, about that. I wanted to discuss a few things about Sam and the others."

"Such as?" I countered.

"I wanna know where I stand in the pack, and if that previous offer is still on the table or not? I know it's been a long time, and I assumed it had an expiration date of some kind?"

I looked over to Bella, who was wearing the same shocked expression I was when she peered back up at Gentry.

"No, there's no expiration date on the offer. Why are you asking? You want to be with us? In the pack and run with us, you mean?"

"Well, in a sense and from a considerable distance, of course. I know it wouldn't be normal, for from it, given the miles between us but I want in. I mean it. I want to belong to something. Be part of something. I don't know- I guess having them here these past few days has done something for me." He admitted.

"Sam would be happy to have you join us, Gentry. You know that. But you gotta leave any animosity behind in order for this to work. We have to be on the same page and united- or we all suffer. It's how it has to be. For the good of the pack and for the good of everyone else. That means-"

"-talking with Billy, right? Yeah, I kinda figured that would play a role in this little arrangement somewhere along the way." He huffed, pushing himself harshly away from the table and getting to his feet in a hurry at this.

"Hey- wait a damn minute." I roughly countered, rising from the table. "Don't be dismissive like that. This whole deal is your doing. If you really want to be part of us, then yeah, you bet your ass you have to talk to Billy. Don't let anymore time pass without making amends with him. I'm asking you to do it for me, man. Come on, please?"

Gentry hung his head at the sink and dropped his empty plate there with a loud clatter while he hesitated some more, before offering up any kind of answer. I felt my jaw tighten as my anger started to show from his prior asinine protest. Bella's hand suddenly took hold of mine when she approached and took her place at my side with her own words to him.

"Gentry, no one is perfect. There's been mistakes made here by all. Don't you think it's time to bury the hatchet, once and for all, and talk this out with him? I know he'd want nothing more than a chance to be there for you. Billy loves you. I don't know if it will help you at all to know this, but I'll tell you anyway. My father and I weren't always close like we are today. Divorce sucks, too. It causes a bunch of problems in the family. I spent half my time in one home and the next Summer in another. So, in a way, I do get it. Charlie isn't perfect and he's let me down at times, just like I've let him down in the past myself, but you know what? When I really need him, he has never not been there for me and I love him so much for that. You have to try and start somewhere, Gentry. You just have to. A little step in the right direction could go a long way to heal you both. It has to be better than having all this bitterness and hatred festering inside you."

I felt her fingers thread their way through mine and when I met her gaze, there was nothing but sincerity reflected back at me.

Gentry let out a humorless laugh and a heavy sigh while he turned back to face us with a worried expression.

"What if he doesn't want another son? Come on, Jacob. We're not freaking kids anymore. Putting in the work with me for what very well could be nothing more than a dismal relationship, would be more work for him than it's worth, don't you think?"

"No, Gentry. I don't think that. Billy wants to be part of your life, but you have to give him that chance, or this conversation is a mute point. I heard what you said when I was half out of it, you know? I remember. You do care and you do belong with us. You're my brother. We're part of each other, like it or not. You can't really want to spend the rest of your life out here on the farm alone, with only the hired helpers that come to work a few times a week. That's not life, bro. That's existing."

"You were in rough shape. Of course I was worried for you. I'm not always the cold hard ass you think I am, but I'm not parting with my farm, Jake. Not ever." He harshly bit back, his tone making me rethink my approach entirely. Bella gently squeezed her hand in mine and stepped forward to him then.

"You wouldn't have to. You could make the trip to Washington a few times a month to run with the others and then come back if that's what you really wanted to do. It would be a lot of running, but no one expects you to give up the farm. This place is such a huge part of who you are, Gentry. Everyone will be understanding of that, especially Sam and Jacob."

"Yeah, she's right. However you want this to work is how it will go. You set the pace and tone. Sam would want you comfortable with being part of the pack. We all would. That takes top priority." I readily agreed. "... but more than that, I want you with us, because I want you with me. You're my family and if these past few months have taught me anything, it's just how damn important family is."

I wrapped my arm around Bella's waist and saw his dark glaze flicker between the two of us a few more times, as he pondered what we were saying.

"So, if we're gonna do this- make this right and try to fix the broken shit with me and Billy- then there's something I need to get off my chest to you first, Jake. With any hope, and if you can still stand to look at me after I tell you what I have to say, then maybe there's a chance for all this to work itself out for the better in the end."

I narrowed my gaze at him, already weary of his divulgence. His low tone made me release Bella and take a few steps his way when he finally raised his head to me.

"Why do I get the feeling that what you're going to tell me has to do with Lilly?" I forced out, my own frustration not easily disguised in my voice. His silence only confirmed this for me and I swallowed hard. "Out with it, Gentry."

"I can go if the two of you need to be alone-" Bella quietly offered from behind us, but Gentry stopped her before I could.

"No, stay. You need to hear this, too. Since your part of everything. Jake I- I've tried to find a way to tell you this for weeks now, but I just lost my damn nerve every time. If I join the pack, there's nothing that can be hidden like it has been. You know how it works. You can't shield anything. I hate that."

"Why...-"

He looked away from me and I balled my hands into tight fists at my sides, as he sucked in a deep breath and squared his shoulders, like he was bracing himself for something. The sight of this only unnerved me further.

"I didn't know what the hell it was at first-..."

"What it was?" I echoed him in question.

"She was supposed to hate me. Would have made things a hell of a lot easier-"

"Gentry! Stop talking in riddles and just-" I abruptly paused then, unable to finish the thought as the words got stuck in my throat.

"Lilly was your wife but she was my imprint." He choked out, failing to find the nerve to even look at me with his admission. "I tried man, I tried to shut it off or run from it. Whatever the hell it was. I didn't know. It wasn't supposed to be that way with me. The whole thing was so messed up from the very start! I'm the screw up jinx of the pack! I assumed that none of the legends applied to me, but then she happened and everything got turned on it's head!"

I backed away from him, feeling the anger weave a fiery inferno hastily up my spine. My tremors took hold of me faster than I could react and pain shot through me. I was on the verge of phasing when Bella grabbed my arm and placed herself in front of me.

"No! Don't!" She begged me, her tear filled gaze holding mine long enough to ground me in the present and fight off the tremors for the time being. "You're not healed. You can't give in to the wolf right now as bad as you want to. That would only hurt you worse."

Gentry didn't take his eyes from me and I wanted to yell at him, punch him even, but knew that it would get me nowhere. I looked at Bella's worried face and felt the fire fade all the more when she drew herself in close to my side. I refocused my attention back on Gentry and tried to form a response.

"You imprinted on Lilly." I managed.

"Jake, you have to believe me. I didn't know-"

"-but you knew she was married-... to me."

A thousand thoughts ran haywire through my head as I watched him fumble for the right words.

"I tried- I tried to leave her alone! You of all people should know what that's like-"

"No! Don't compare the two! Don't you even dare, Gentry!" I half shouted to him, putting some distance between myself and Bella, as my temper began to flare again from what he'd said. My tremors were barely controlled at this point, and I didn't want her caught in the crossfires should this get out of hand and I lose my shit entirely.

"How is it not the same!?" Gentry angrily countered as he stepped up to me. "What a hypocritical ass remark! Are you hearing yourself right now? Listen to what you're saying! There is no difference!"

"Like hell there isn't! Are you telling me that you were with her more than the one night at the bar! Is that what you're saying?! That's what you had to get off your chest, Gentry?!"

He visibly winced in front of me while a look of guilt and shame crossed his face. "You don't know how hard I tried to-"

"Bullshit!" I yelled. "You're lying!"

"No! I'm not! I am telling you this because I'm done with lying about it! I can't do it anymore! You have a right to know! Lilly wasn't just some way for me to get back at you or to hurt you and Billy- or a one night stand. I loved her, Jake. When she died, I called Sam and spilled everything to him. I had no choice. I knew enough of the legends to know what the death of an imprint meant so I needed some damn answers, and I needed them fast. He had them for me and I guess, according to him, I dodged a real bullet because while Lilly was my imprint, I'm still the misfit of our kind! So, while I'll still feel her death in my bones and grieve, the link I had to her wasn't so strong enough to kill me from her sudden passing. Sam called it lucky, but I sure in hell don't feel lucky! I made him swear on his position as Alpha not to breathe a word of it to you. Lilly and I stopped seeing each other months before she was killed in the accident, Jake. She couldn't do it anymore. She was too full of guilt and shame from us sneaking around like we had been. She hated herself for doing that to you."

I could hardly stand still as my tremors returned from his rant of truth.

I moved quicker than I knew possible as the fierce heat returned with a vengeance and tore it's way through me without mercy.

Bella's voice calling after me was the last thing I heard seconds before I broke free of the house and exploded into the wolf that had been frantically clawing to get free.

**A/N: Hey again! Surprise! 😊 You get TWO chapters back to back tonight! Well technically-this morning 😂 Please leave a review for this chapter with your thoughts! Till next time my readers**. ️


	82. Chapter 82

**CHAPTER EIGHTY-TWO**

**(BPOV)**

I stood outside in the cold and yelled for Jake again, though I already knew it would do me no good. At the speed he tore off out of the farm in, there was a good chance he was a quarter of the way back to my house by now.

I whirled around when I heard Gentry's returning footsteps behind me, and I tried to keep my cool, despite the anger that was clear in my gaze to him.

"Why would you tell him that right now? He's not even healed yet! Are you really trying to re-injure him, Gentry! Do you know what could happen if-"

"Yes, I damn well know!" Gentry yelled, stripping off his shirt in a hurry and tearing the belt from the many loops in his jeans, as he pushed past me and headed on a dead run for the cold forest. "Go to your house! You and I both know that's where he's probably headed. With any luck, I'll catch up to him and intercept his path before he gets too far."

With those parting words, he disappeared into the dense white tree cover, and I could only stare after him as the prior events replayed themselves over again in my head.

_Gentry imprinted on Lilly._

I grabbed my cell phone and keys and ran out to my car just as Sam showed himself there at the tree line. His wolf gaze lingering out over me, before he briefly retreated back into the woods and emerged on two legs and in cut offs.

"What the hell happened I thought he was supposed to be laying low!" He snapped, quickly approaching me as I threw open my car door.

"You should know, Sam. What would send Jacob running out of here like that?"

"What are you talking about?!" He tersely hedged, moving himself closer to me with a menacing glare. "Where are you going?"

"I'm heading back to my house and hopefully Jake will be there in one damn piece when I arrive."

I shook my head to him and went to get in my car, but the feel of his hand on my arm stopped me.

"He knows, doesn't he? About Lilly and Gentry?"

"Yeah, Sam. He knows. Now let go of me!" I bit back, as his hand abruptly released my arm. "How could you keep that from him? What the hell is wrong with all of you? Aren't you supposed to be loyal to a fault!?"

"I am loyal! No matter what!" Sam angrily countered to me, his glare now more intense as he put some distance between us, looking as if he was ready to erupt at any minute.

"Oh really?" I challenged. "There seems to be a lot of secrets being kept in the pack and while you may think it's for the best to operate that way, I assure you, it isn't working out in anyones favor. So, stop pretending that it is! I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that I never knew Jacob imprinted on me in the first place!"

"We did what we had to! You left!" He bitterly retorted, and the mere sound of his smugness only fueled my anger at the situation more.

"...-because I didn't know! How could I when you all decided it was for the best if I didn't! As you know, the whole purpose of an imprint is to ensure the future bloodline of the pack! So that the wolves can carry on their legacy as protectors to the lands! If you ask me, the spirits don't have a clue in hell what they're doing and maybe you don't anymore, either!"

Sams tremors were forceful as he stared me down with his reply.

"You don't have any idea what we went through to break that hold for him. You were nearly three thousand miles away! How the hell would you know anything about the spirits or what breaking the imprint entailed!" He damn near roared and I stood my ground as I lashed back out at him, my own frustrations with everything reaching a new boiling point now.

"Don't you dare stand there and make presumptions about what I do and do not know! I left here years ago so he could be with who he was supposed to be with- his imprint- whoever she was! I had no way of knowing it was me!"

"It wouldn't have changed your decision in leaving! You let your own fear and insecurity rule over you. That's why you ran! Don't blame other people out of anger for your own misguided choices back then! You have a real habit of taking off or shutting down completely to the world around you when shit gets rough, Bella! What did you expect the outcome to be?"

"Better than this!" I forced out. "Your arrogance just shows how little you really know about me, Sam. I'm not the scared, weak and feeble teenager I used to be and believe it or not, when I left Washington, I thought I was making the best choice for the both of us-"

"Exactly!" He harshly replied, leaning himself in closer with his heated words to me. "You made that choice for the both of you. You took Jacobs choice away from him and that was never your place to do so, and for your information, the spirits know exactly what they're doing! You just never gave what the two of you shared a real chance. If you had, we wouldn't be standing here like we are right now! If you'd stayed a little longer, stuck it out and told Jacob the truth about what was really going on with you, he would have done what he should have in the first place, and told you the truth about the imprint!"

I staggered back away from him as the anger overwhelmed me then.

"Are you blaming me for-"

"No, because Jacob shares a good portion of the blame here, too! I guess in some say, we all do, me included. Why didn't you tell him?!"

"That's none of your business, Sam!"

"You're wrong! Jacobs well being is every bit my business. That's my job as alpha of this pack."

"Right, how could I forget?" I sarcastically stated. "You always know what's best for everyone. Just like you think you know the real reason-..."

"I do know the real reason and I've spent weeks going over some of the older legends with Billy about it. Jacob asked me to! For you!"

I swallowed down the reply that almost escaped me then, as he started to turn and leave for the forest once again.

"Wait...-" I forced out to him, ignoring the anger and hostility, and looking at the bigger picture in front of us. "He told you about me? The reason why I left?"

Sam drew in a steady breath and turned back to face me with his solid answer.

"Yes."

"Is there something in the legends about it? Anything?"

I saw the anger leave Sams face when he heard the pleading but timid tone of my voice now.

"Why do you think I said that the spirits know exactly what they're doing?"

"You really found something?"

"Yes, we did. I haven't had the chance to talk to Jacob about it yet, given the shit storm we just went through with Victoria and her newborn army, my focus has been elsewhere these days."

"... but once you do?" I hedged.

"He'll come to you with it. Give him that chance. He owns what he did by not telling you about the imprint years ago, Bella. He wants to make it right- to fix it for you and until the two of you talk about all that really entails, I have no place stepping in the middle with any of the information the legends provided us with."

I nodded and saw him look toward the forest, as I offered up my single word reply to end our argument.

"Go."

"I have to-"

"I know. So do I."

I climbed in my car and hit the gas for home, before catching sight of him phasing back to wolf form at the forests edge behind Gentry's farm.

The entire drive home, I was distracted and all I could think about was Clarissa.

Gentry's confession put a knot in my stomach that wouldn't move, as I tried to ignore the reality of what I feared could be. The kind of harsh reality that would undoubtedly devastate Jacob in a way I wasn't sure he would resurface from. My clear vision of the road ahead suddenly blurred when the emotion welled there in my gaze.

She had to be Jacobs. She just had to be.

The fear in me was pulling deep now like an undertow and when I neared my road, I tried to keep myself calm and pulled into the drive.

Billy was sitting on the porch with a blanket over his legs and he looked truly worried when I got out to greet him.

"He's not here. Not yet anyway." Billy stated, his voice low and gruff.

"What are you doing out here?"

"Waiting." He replied, looking up at me with tangible remorse. "... and hoping."

"For which one? Jacob or Gentry?"

To any unknown person, my returning question was pretty damn simple, but to Billy, it was anything but that.

"Both." He truthfully answered, looking out to my snowy yard with his observant gaze. "Sam called. He told me how bad off he was before you got there. Said you saved him."

"I did my best. He was healing fine- until now-" I sighed, tucking the blanket in around him better, and pausing when Charlie opened the door with a smiling Clarissa in his arms.

She beamed at me and reached out as Charlie handed her over. I held her tight, placing a kiss into her hair and following Charlie inside the house.

"Where's Jacob?" He asked, stopping me at the door.

"With Gentry." I simply replied, noting the way Billy's stare appeared to be unbreakable.

"Is he feeling better?" Charlie further questioned, looking between Billy and myself.

"Yeah, dad. He's healing. Gentry will bring him back when they finish the work they need to do."

"That's good to hear! Had Billy and I really worried last night." Charlie admitted. "We had a lot of fun with this little one."

"I'm sorry we were gone that long. I feel awful for leaving you guys." I countered.

"Oh, don't worry about that. We managed just fine. I was telling Billy here this morning that we should have Gentry over here for dinner before we leave. Seems like he and Jacob get along real well. That was nice of you guys to lend a hand with his farm."

I managed a nod to him as he pulled me into a side hug and ushered us inside.

"Billy, it's too cold out here-" I began, before closing the door.

"I'm not moving till they show up. Both of them. In tact. Don't worry about me. I'm fine right here." He stubbornly replied.

I sighed in defeat, knowing that he couldn't be reasoned with right now and choosing to focus on Clarissa instead. I had missed her so very much in the day we'd been away.

She smiled at me and started to play with my hair. I kissed her cheek again, as my gaze wandered over her precious face. I tried not to dwell on Gentry's words from before too much, but the more I looked at her, the harder that was for me to do.

Charlie took notice of my silence and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Something else bothering you, Bella? It's really okay that you had to stay and help Gentry-"

"No, it's not that." I softly stated to him before carefully continuing on with my reply. "I'm glad you had a good time with Clarissa and thank you for being so understanding. I promise to make it up to you both."

"No worries, kiddo."

Hey, dad?" I began, as he handed me a teething ring out of the freezer for her. "You think Clarissa looks a lot like Jacob, don't you?"

Charlie chuckled at this, unaware of the inner turmoil I was trying not to show. "Is this a trick question, Bella?"

"No, I was only asking if you could see the likeness there between them, too?" I nervously hedged.

"Well, I was around when Jacob and his sisters were only babies themselves, and yes, if you pull out some of Billy's old photo albums, you'll see just how much Clarissa looks like him. Only a prettier version, of course." Charlie mused to me and I forced a smile to him in return, silently hoping it was enough to cover the worry my not so good poker face was probably showing right about now.

"I'll have to take a look at those pictures myself sometime."

"You should and it could be fun to take a stroll down memory lane once we're back home in Washington. Billy has loads of them from when Jacob was less than a year old. Trust me, there will never be a DNA test needed to know who her father is." Charlie joked, and my heart nearly plummeted to the floor from his comment.

His laughter ceased when we both heard my house door slam shut so hard that it rattled the floor beneath us.

"What the hell-" Charlie began, just as Jacob walked into the kitchen, looking worse for the wear. I gasped and stepped forward at the sight of him. His arms held several fresh cuts and abrasions, leaving a trail of dried blood where they were already healing. He wheeled his father forward and met my gaze with an expression that could only be described as haunted.

Gone was most of the evident anger from before and left in it's place was nothing but regret.

He silently took Clarissa from me then with a wince that told me he had reinjured something with his impromptu phase.

"Jake? Are you alright? You look-" Charlie worriedly began.

"Sit down, Charlie." Jacob huffed out. "Please...-"

"Son-..." Billy nervously hedged, and I swore I could almost hear the fear laced there in his tone with Jacob.

"No, dad. No more lies. No more damn secrets. It's time he knew." Jacob clarified and I felt my stomach churn from his words.

"Knew what exactly?" Charlie asked, looking to Billy who merely hung his head, before running a hand over his tired face.

Jacob paused and looked at Clarissa as he pulled out a chair and gestured for Charlie to take a seat in it at the table next to Billy.

My chest tightened painfully with the anxiety from what I knew was coming.

I stared at Jacob and when he looked at me again, his rich brown gaze was silently begging me to trust him with this, and there was something there in his eyes that compelled me to comply.

**A/N: Thank you for all your great reviews. Look for another update very soon. Two chapters tonight!**


	83. Chapter 83

**CHAPTER EIGHTY-THREE**

**(BPOV)**

Jacob took the rest of the day and told the truth to Charlie about everything. He left no fine detail untouched, including my involvement with the Cullens before Edward had left me in the woods and where we'd been for the past thirty-six hours. He dove into the legends and told him all about where they came from and what they meant, and by the time he was done talking, both my father and Billy looked ashen.

"I couldn't keep it from you anymore, Charlie. I know it's a hell of a lot to swallow and believe me, this wasn't the way I wanted you to find out, but I'm done with all the lies and all the half truths."

Charlie took a brief moment to collect himself, before he pushed his chair away from the table and turned to address Billy first.

"You've been like a brother to me, Billy. For as long as I can remember, we've always told each other everything. We've seen each other through some really hard times, you know? I wish you would've trusted me enough with all this, instead of keeping it from me. I thought our friendship was deeper than that. I hope it's alright if I borrow the car for a bit, Bella? I need some time to digest all this- mull it over. Think I'll take a drive for a few miles back into the harbour you told me about."

I slowly nodded, fetching my keys from the counter, and handing them to him as my tears welled up. Charlie took one look at me and shook his head, before wrapping me in a tight hug that I hadn't been expecting from him.

I had been expecting something else entirely as his reaction. Anger and hostility, or even his judgement and a feeling of betrayal, but not his complete understanding and forgiveness.

"I hate that you went through what you did alone and that I didn't know how much you were hurting all this time. Back when you were a teenager and now. This whole thing might take me some time to digest - to try to understand all this craziness, but I will get my head around it one way or another and I'll cope." He stated, pulling back and taking my face in his hands. "...but none of what Jacob just told me changes a damn thing about how much I love you, Bella. You're still the most important thing in my life and I want you to come back home with us? I don't want that to change. Not for anything in this world. No more running, kiddo. You hear me? Not a single word of it changes anything for us. I'm not losing you again."

I hugged him so tight and felt such a true sense of relief, as the heavy weight of secrecy that had been placed on my shoulders years ago, finally lifted away from me. It was a sense of relief I never knew I could have.

"I love you too, dad." I cried, when he placed a kiss to the top of my head, and hunkered himself down next to Billy so the two of them were eye level this time.

"You're still my oldest and truest friend and I love you like family, Billy. None of this could ever change that for me, either. I won't lie to you and say that I'm not disappointed in how you handled some things in the past, but I know deep down you had to have your reasons for it and I can respect that. I forgive you, Billy. When I get back from my drive, we'll have a talk, you and I. Work all the rest of this out over a couple of beers. Maybe you can help me understand all this better. I'll still have a ton of questions for you- trust me."

"You can bet on it, old friend. I'll be right here waiting when you get back."

"Good." Charlie replied, standing up and looking to Jacob last. "... -as for you- I wish I had known about all this sooner, but thank you for finding the nerve to tell me. That took real guts and I'm proud of you for it. I don't care what you morph into, to me, you're still just Jacob. You're like a son to me, and I think it goes without saying that I've always known you make Bella happy. I see it there in her smile whenever you're around. I'm grateful to you Jacob for all you did for her when she really needed you, both now and in the past, and for protecting her like you have. She's been safe because of you."

I felt almost in shock, as if this couldn't be reality, when Charlie placed a firm hand on Jacobs shoulder and looked to me.

"He needs you and I think you need him just as much."

Charlie headed outdoors and left us all to our own devices then as Jacobs gaze pierced mine from across the kitchen. The only noise in the house came from Clarissa when she let out a cry for her evening bottle. It was already dark outside, and Billy reached out for my hand when I moved to get her from the living room where she'd been napping.

"Why don't you let me feed her tonight?" He kindly offered. "I think the two of you need some time to really talk some things out. Clarissa and I will be fine for a little while out here by the fire."

Jacob didn't speak at first, but his lingering gaze to me said it all.

I fixed Clarissa's bottle as he picked her up and placed her with Billy before kissing her forehead, and wordlessly reaching his warm hand out for mine. I took hold of it and headed toward the second half of the house, almost making it to my room before Jacob stopped at the doorway and spoke.

"I'm sorry I spilled everything to your dad like that. I know it was sudden and unexpected, but I couldn't keep lying. That's caused everyone enough pain lately-"

"No Jake, don't be sorry for what you did. I should have told him a long time ago. You honestly did me a favor. He needed to know. I feel lighter than I have in a long time now that he knows the truth with everything you shared and explained. I'm just shocked he didn't blow a gasket like I thought he would. I guess I really didn't give him enough credit from the start."

"I saw Sam-" He hedged with a heavy sigh then. "He caught up to me before Gentry could. Probably a good thing."

I gently touched some of the fading scars from the many cuts that now lined both of his arms with my reply then, relieved to see that he was actually healing the way he should.

"What really happened with Gentry after you took off from the farm?"

"He was waiting for me about a mile and a half from the house. We fought. Things got real ugly, but we stopped before it got too far. We're not talking right now, and it can stay that way for a while as far as I'm concerned." He bitterly replied, as he drew me in close to him.

"So, it's really true? Gentry imprinted on Lilly?"

"Yeah, it's true. Sam confirmed it when he talked to me."

"I don't know what to say...-" I truthfully replied to him.

"Neither do I." Jacob breathed to me, his gaze sweeping over my face as he hesitated to continue. "...but that's not what I want to focus on right now. I'll find a way to work things out with Gentry later. I just need a few days to cool off, but you and I have some things we've both put off saying for weeks now. I don't want to do that anymore."

"Neither do I." I admitted. "There are things I don't understand-"

"I know and I'm sorry that you didn't get kind of answers you needed sooner from me. Everything has happened so fast-"

"... it's been hard to keep up." I timidly finished for him, seeing the clear worry etched in his features, as I opened my bedroom door and switched on the bedside lamp. "So, we take tonight and bare it all. Let's not leave anything out."

"Nothing." He readily agreed, stepping into the room with me and closing the door behind him.

"The good and the bad?" I nervously countered.

"...the hard and the hurtful." He finished, his warm breath ghosting over my lips when he said this.

He held both of my hands tightly in his, our fingers intertwined as I gazed intently into the dark brown eyes that held my future.

A/N: I truly hope you all enjoyed this back to back update! Please leave a review with your thoughts on Jacobs truth to Charlie! :-)


	84. Chapter 84

**CHAPTER EIGHTY-FOUR**

**(BPOV)**

Jacob paced the floor in my room as I sat down on the bed and shivered from the cold that always crept it's way in here during the Winter season. I reached for the blanket and wrapped it around my shoulders as Jacob stopped his antsy movements by the window and sat down with me.

"One hundred and eight degrees, remember?" He sighed, when I huddled myself into his side and placed my head on his shoulder.

"Still a Jacob thing." I replied, noticing how his cheek came to rest on the top of my hair with his sincere reply to me.

"It's an us thing." He carefully countered, as I briefly closed my eyes there with him.

"Maybe-"

"Definitely." He huskily whispered, securing an arm around me, so that no space laid in between us. "This somehow feels harder than when I first tried to tell you what I was. We we're in your bedroom then, too. Kind of like Deja'vu."

I raised my head and met his gaze, seeing the nervousness reflected back at me while he looked deep into my eyes.

"I think one of the best parts about us is the way we can read each other like we do. I've never had the kind of communication that I have with you with anyone else. You just get me, Jacob. You always have."

"I love that about us, too." He softly admitted, his tone weary at best while he tried to start the conversation we'd been avoiding for weeks now. "Do you remember when we tried out those bikes...-"

"... and I crashed." I chuckled. "Yeah, I vaguely remember that. You know, that would classify to some as a traumatic brain injury from hitting the rock so hard. Maybe that's what's really wrong with me?"

His lips turned up into a dimpled grin that nearly stopped my heart, as he tried not to laugh from my ridiculous comment.

"That could be it, Bells." He soon chuckled to me in return and I pushed into his side with a playful nudge.

"Hey, now. You're not supposed to agree with me!" I laughed.

"Well, you're the one that said it." He jokingly defended, his warm hand tucking under my chin and raising my gaze back to his with a heavy sigh. "All kidding aside, there's absolutely nothing wrong with you, sweetheart."

"How I wish that were really true-" I hedged, not able to keep some of the sadness out of my tone anymore.

Jacob scooted us back on the bed and wrapped us both up in the heavy afghan as the brief silence lingered out between us.

"...when we were in your truck, after the cliff diving incident and after Harry past, I told you that I'd never go away, Bella. Just like the sun. Even when you couldn't see me-"

"-you'd still be there." I finished for him, pressing my cheek against the inviting warmth of his bare chest.

"Yeah, honey. I wasn't sure if you'd remember that after all this time."

"I remember everything, Jake." I softly admitted.

"When you left for Maine, I didn't want you to go. I hated the very idea of being that many miles away from you. It tore me up, Bella. But I wanted you to be happy. To find that happiness in your life, wherever it was, and even if that meant it wasn't with me- I had to know you were still safe, honey. I tracked Victoria for a long time after you were gone. At one point, Paul and Sam helped me and we almost caught her more than once before she pulled another one of her disappearing acts. Her trail stayed cold after our last close encounter - for almost three years, but Sam and I had a hunch she was waiting for the perfect chance to show herself again, it just came later than either one of us could have expected. I know it was a risk to go after her this last time alone like I did, but something took over when she tried to get to you. Call it instinct or just the wolfs protective nature, but I had to finish her off. It was like a fire I couldn't ignore. I'm sorry I never told you about keeping tabs on her all this time."

"You don't owe me an apology for keeping me safe-... but I forgive you for not being up front with me about tracking her." I replied, waiting patiently as he went on.

"When we were tracking Laurent years ago and I caught your scent so close to his, that same fire came over me. I was the one who tore into the leech with dreads first, but Sam was a close second."

"I was terrified back then-" I countered.

"So was I. Just not for the same reason." He gruffly stated to me. "I was afraid of telling you the truth. The real truth of how I knew exactly where you were when you jumped off that cliff the day Harry passed, or the way I got to you as fast as I did."

I heard the sudden hesitation in his tone and felt his chest rise and fall with his deep sigh, as I slowly pulled back and held his stare. He was silent for only a moment longer before continuing his thought.

"I could feel where you were. Sense it, like an ache you can't explain or pinpoint but you know is there."

"Because of the imprint." I hedged. He nodded once, never breaking my stare and waiting for me to ask the next question I knew he was already anticipating. "When did it happen?"

"The meadow, before we killed Laurent. The second he was finished and no longer a threat to you, everything changed. It dropped me to my knees and all I could see or feel...-_was you_. I saw our future in that moment, Bella. In a vision that still takes my breath away when I think about it. Even now-..."

"Tell me what you saw-" I implored, searching his dark gaze and seeing the adoration there when he spoke.

"You were in a white sundress and you shined like the sun itself with this beaming grin on your face. You were laughing and running through this huge flower garden. You lifted your face to the sky and the sight of you alone captivated my every thought, Bella. You were so happy and free and you called my name like I was chasing after you. That's when I saw them- I know they were there with us-"

I sat up then, unable to keep my tears from returning as he followed my movements. He had my full attention and nothing less.

"They?" I brokenly choked out, not bothering to fight the emotion as it took hold. "Y-You saw them?"

Jacob moved me closer to him again, his gaze burning with an intensity that made me know that everything he was telling me right now was his absolute truth.

"Yes, honey. I saw them. They were there, too. A little boy and a little girl." He replied, his voice now thick. "I promise you, I saw them in this vision. They were perfect and they ran to you in the garden."

I was stunned into a silence that left me visibly trembling there in front of him. Jacob cradled my face as I shook my head to him, unable to make any damn sense of this as he urgently continued.

"Bella, listen to me. I broke us both when I made the stupid choice to not be honest with you about the imprint. There were parts of being in a pack that had to remain hidden, secrets that had to be kept, but not this one."

"Tell me why you kept it hidden? The real reason. Tell me-" I sorrowfully pleaded, seeing the pain in his eyes that forced his own tears to show with his blunt admission.

"I wanted us- what we had- to form on it's own. The way it had been- without any wolf magic or spirits and legends involved. I didn't need any of that to tell me that I loved you. It was already done. I loved you for you- for what we had and for what I knew was meant to be. Just Jake and Bells. I was so angry with the very idea of imprinting when Sam first told me about it, that I rejected anything he tried to tell me. I was young and impulsive and stubborn as hell. None of that excuses my wrong choice, but it's the truth. Back then, trying to stay away from you, was harder than phasing was for me at first. Sam said that I needed to give you that space so that I could adapt to everything and learn how to adjust to being what I was. He told me more about what happened to Emily when he lost it and phased too close to her and it was enough to scare me straight. I couldn't stomach the thought of that happening with us, so I took his advice and kept my distance from you."

"...but I came after you. I remember that day in the pouring rain like it was yesterday and not ten years ago." I replied with a quavering sigh, as I leaned back into him and felt him tighten his hold on me in response. "It was like, you were there in front of me, but you weren't. I kept feeling you pulling away from me and I hated it."

"I did, too. Felt like someone reached their hand inside my chest and tore my heart out." He huskily stated. "Keeping that from you- what I was- was so damn hard all that time ago."

"It was better that you told me. I didn't want that part of who you were to feel like some kind of shameful secret you had to keep from me. I've always been proud of the kind of man and protector you are. To know you, is to love you, Jake."

"I wish I could go back, change our course to a different one." He sourly admitted. "I would've been honest with you from the start."

"Same...-" I countered, biting down nervously on my bottom lip as I tried to work up the courage to tell him more of my own truth about things. "You weren't the only one who hid things. I take responsibility for my part. It's only fair. When I went to the doctor as a teenager, I just assumed it was some kind of hormonal imabalance. That the real cause of my pain was simple and could be managed or treated with medication. When she told me everything-... I shut down. Like I always do. Sam, not so subtly, pointed that out in our heated exchange earlier and he's not wrong. I'll admit it. When I'm scared, I retreat into myself and shut the world around me out."

"He told me about that. Said you were a lot more feisty than he remembered." Jacob lightly chuckled, tucking my head under his chin with his hearty laugh. The mere sound of it calmed me and I smiled against his chest in response.

"Does he not recall the time when I slapped poor Paul in your back yard?"

"Oh no, he definitely still remembers that day. He always said he never saw you the same after that, and that you had way more guts than he ever thought you did. I, on the other hand, couldn't run fast enough to get to you. I'd never been more scared, Bella. All I could see was him really hurting you and I lost it. We tore after each other for miles. He eventually admitted it was an ass move. Good thing, too. I was more terrified that you wouldn't look at me the same after, or worse, that you'd be afraid of me yourself. I couldn't take that."

"You really thought I would be afraid of you? No way, you were the person I ran to when I was scared of anything and everything. Still are...-"

He pressed a kiss into my hair and stilled there with me in his arms, as we both tried to continue on with our honesty, but the subject we were steadily approaching made that act all the more harder.

"Did you think about me when you were in Maine, honey? Jacob softly asked, and I couldn't help but to ponder back on all the times I had wished he was with me before I offered him my answer.

"All the time."

"I dreamed of you, Bells. On more nights than I knew what to do with. In some of them you were older. Some you were younger, but you were always a fixed part of them."

"You were in my dreams, too." I quietly told him, the feel of his warm fingertips running through my hair enough to make my eyes almost heavy now, but I fought against the pull of sleep. "It made me miss you more."

"When did you decide to leave? When was your mind made up?" Jacob huskily questioned as I drew in a deep breath.

"A few days after the doctor told me what was going on with me. Our friendship - was already so much more than that, Jake. I loved you, and I knew you loved me. I scoured the internet that night, till dawn almost, trying to make sense of the diagnosis the doctor gave me and what it really meant for my future. After my research, it was pretty bleak when it came to having a family. The odds definitely weren't showing to be in my favor."

"Why didn't you call me or come over and tell me- did you really think that it would change how I felt about you?"

I sat up at this, hovering there on the bed in front of him with my knees drawn up under me. I felt more raw and exposed than I ever had with him and that was saying a lot, given everything we'd both been through together.

"No, it was just the opposite, Jake." I truthfully hedged. "I knew you wouldn't have turned away from me. You would have been right there, by my side, and that was what scared me most."

Jacobs intense gaze held mine, while I swallowed hard, trying to ignore the lump in my throat.

"You wanted me with someone else...- to find that love without you-" He huffed out, the sound of his voice strained now and almost painful when he spoke this to me. As if every word that left his mouth was harder to say for him then if he'd swallowed glass.

"I wanted you happy-" I stammered, the tears in my own voice now heavy in my words with him. "...and that meant children, Jake. Something I knew I could never give you. This was more than just a difficult bout of infertility, and in med school, I learned even more about the bleak statistics. I stayed awake at night for days before finally choosing to leave. It haunted my every thought. The decision of whether to stay or go. Whether to tell you or not. But in the end, the truth of the matter was still staring me in the face."

"What truth of the matter." He echoed, his face falling as he looked away from me briefly.

"The truth that if I stayed, one day, sooner or later, you'd grow to resent me for not being able to give us what we would want most in the future. I was already afraid the what we had could never compare to what you would soon find when you discovered who she was- the person you were truly meant to love all this time- your imprint."

"Your entire decision to leave here was based on a half truth that I couldn't bring myself to tell you. If I had admitted it, if I had come to you like I should have and told you that you were my everything- my best friend- my other half- my imprint- would you have stayed?"

The sorrow on his face was nearly tangible, and the very air in the room felt stifling and heavy as we both sat there, staring at each other. My hands trembled as I reached for his again with my barely audible reply.

"Yes, yes I would have stayed." I forced out. "...but to be completely honest, I don't know how long it would've taken me to find the courage to tell you everything, but I sure in hell would have tried. You have a way of pulling things out of me."

Jacob hung his head and was silent after this for a long time, his abrupt change in countenance making me question if we should stop this conversation right where it was for now. After a few more agonizing minutes of stony silence, he cleared his throat and met my gaze again.

"I could have changed everything for us, Bella." He regretfully breathed, rising from the bed with a truly despairing and mournful expression etched into his every feature.

My chest tightened painfully at his dejected stance and I stood with him before he could leave.

"No, stop. We're not gonna do this. We both share the blame here. I kept secrets and so did you and we both have learned a really hard lesson from it, but a needed one. Jake, I-" I nervously began as he shook his head to me in protest. "-I never gave you the chance you deserved. By leaving, I took your vote out of the equation and looking back on that, I know it was so selfish and so naïve. Running didn't solve anything- for either one of us- it just made this all the more difficult and heartbreaking. Our avoidance of honesty cost us a lot. On both sides, Jake. No more one than the other-"

"You were alone with this for years and that kills me, Bella. I would've sensed it- felt it- if I hadn't gone through with breaking the imprint in the first place."

"I didn't leave you with much of a choice-"

"...but you did and I chose wrong- again." He sighed, turning himself away from me, as he gazed out my darkened bedroom window into the night. "What the hell was I thinking."

I crossed the room, closing the gap of distance between us that I loathed and placed my hand on the bare skin of his warm shoulder. His body was tense and I tried to keep my voice steady with my next confession to him.

"You were thinking that I was gone and that I wanted a different life than what you had here. Something apart from you and I'm the one who put those thoughts in your head when I told you I was leaving for medical school on the East Coast. I knew that was the only way you'd let me leave without immediately following me, or begging me to stay here with you."

"You're wrong, all I thought about after you left was catching a plane and leaving everything in La'Push behind."

"You couldn't have. The pack and Billy, they needed you."

"...and I needed you more."

I fell completely silent at this, hearing his strangled reply and carefully letting my hand gently glide down the heated skin on his arm. I could feel the heat coming off him in waves while he tried to get a grip on the tremors that were making some of our shared truths harder to keep revealing. Both of us were emotionally spent and we had been long before tonight, and I was afraid that by the end of this, he would end up phasing and miles deep into the forest.

As freeing as all this honesty had been for us, I didn't want him to phase again until he'd had at least another day of rest to recover from some of his prior injuries. I took another timid step closer to him, seeing the rigidness there in his broad shoulders and back, while I admired the rich tone of his russet skin under the soft moonlights glow from the window. My fingertips trailed gingerly up his side and along the well defined muscles of his back. His tremors receded at my light touch, and I felt a different kind of involuntary shudder course through him then. I stilled my movements and looked at one of the many fading scars that still remained on his left lower shoulder, my mouth close enough to his heated skin that I could almost feel the warmth from it there on my lips. The rigidness in Jacobs body changed when I moved my hand out around to his bare chest and abs, my fingers splaying there long enough to feel the steady and pounding rhythm of his heartbeat. He slowly reached up and placed his warm hand over mine just as my lips brushed the scar. My mouth touched his blazing skin then as I pressed a single kiss to his healing shoulder and stood utterly still. I silently counted the beats of his heart and closed my eyes, as my lips grazed the second healing scar adjacent to the first.

All my thoughts stopped, as if he took over my head from being this close. He squeezed my hand and laced his fingers through mine, pressing my palm harder against his chest, like he needed to check to be sure that I was really there with him. I opened my eyes and my breath hitched when he turned himself back around to face me. It was there in his dark gaze alone that I could see the chance for the kind of real love everyone always swore didn't exist anymore. The type that spans for far longer than one lifetime. The kind of love that's more than just determined, but fueled with the kind of passion I had only dreamed about. A safe place where ones soul could dwell in forever.

Jacobs eyes were glossy yet lit with a flame that captivated me and left me unable to break his stare. He released my hand and another shudder touched his skin as the pads of my fingers ran down his toned abs. I could hardly breathe as his heated gaze dropped from my face to my chest when I let out a trembling sigh.

We had been through so many things- so many changes, from youthful teens to adults. We'd seen our fair share of ups and downs, times of closeness when we were young that had seared one another forever into each other's souls, and other times of striking distance, where the isolation had left us thousands of miles apart and on opposite sides of nearly everything.

A sudden and heavy knock to the door made me jump back as Billy's voice carried in to us.

"I'm heading out with Charlie for a ride to the harbour. Clarissa is fast asleep."

Jacob tore his gaze from mine and opened the bedroom door with a nod to Billy then.

"Alright, dad. Take your cell with you just in case anything comes up."

"You got it, son. Fire's getting low. Might want to add some more wood to it, soon."

Charlie spoke up from behind the door then with his two cents.

"Don't worry, son. I'll put another log on for you and I don't plan to have him out too late. Just wanna have a chance to talk things over after this afternoon. I have so many damn questions that I'm sure only he can answer for me."

"I understand, Chief. Dad knows a lot and I hope he can answer them for you. We'll be here with Clarissa when you get back."

I followed behind them, lingering in the doorway while I gazed intently to the snowy outdoors and watched on, as Jacob kindly helped to get Billy settled in the front seat of my car. My skin felt flushed, even while standing outside on the cold porch and I shivered for a reason that had nothing to do with the bitter chill of the New England air swirling around me.

I retreated back inside the house and made sure that Clarissa was comfortable and warm enough while she slept on the couch. I lightly touched her cheek and tucked the blankets in around her, before turning on the Christmas tree lights and quietly observing the beautiful glow from them. I saw the headlights retreating from the driveway when Charlie left with Billy in tow, and I could only hope that he would be able to put my fathers mind at rest about all he had found out today.

I blindly reached up above me to switch off the living room light when a warm hand suddenly caught hold of mine from behind. A gasp left my parted lips, and a husky whisper that was laced with need filled the dimly lit room.

"Bells...-"

**A/N: I hope you are still with me! This was a longer chapter that I loved writing for you today! Please look for another lengthy update before the end of the day tomorrow, and I would love to hear your thoughts in a review. Thank you for all of them and for your continued support. Till next time...**


	85. Chapter 85

**CHAPTER EIGHTY-FIVE**

**(BPOV)**

Jacob didn't speak another word after uttering my name, his lips close enough to my ear that the very feel of his warm breath made me want to melt into him. He slowly ran his hand down my arm when my fingertips found the switch and turned off the lamp. His warm and soothing touch made me close my eyes, as he wrapped his strong arms around my waist and held me closer to him. His chest was pressed against my back and I could feel his every muscle. He lowered his head, letting his cheek brush mine, while the two of us grew utterly still there with each other.

I listened as his breathing rapidly changed, the hitch of my own breath letting him know without words that I could feel it, too. He held me to him and started to slowly sway us, the sound of the crackling fire in the background the only noise to be heard in the house now.

His warm and steady embrace unraveled me when his hand trailed further up my stomach. I sucked in a sharp breath and felt the blazing heat from his caress touch every part of me. His lips grazed the tip of my ear and lingered there as my head fell back in surrender to what I didn't want to fight anymore.

He languidly kissed the hollow groove of my neck once... twice... and a third time before turning me in his arms.

Shivers ran down my spine, and my heart pounded wildly in my chest, as I gazed into his impossibly dark eyes, unable to speak. I could see the wind-stirred waves of desire there in his eyes, and I knew that if I somehow were only brave enough to enter their depths, everything else would blur away, and I would fall even more desperately in love with him.

It was in the soul stirring moments with him like this one, that I truly realized just how long I had hidden myself away from everything behind these walls of efficient defenses. When he looked at me this way, it was as if all the breath was taken from my lungs.

He made my world stop spinning.

This pulling and heady desire for him, stretched throughout my entire body and it was suffocating- overwhelming, yet it always left me feeling complete. There was never length or even depth to it. One could say it was absolute. My heart wasn't just pounding now, it was dancing around my chest with an unsteady rhythm that I knew he could plainly hear. The emptiness in me had changed and a hole that I didn't even recognize was there- had been filled.

A thousand thoughts ran like wildfire through my head when his gaze dropped to my mouth, and against every feeling that was pulsing through me, I had to force myself to pull away.

It was the last thing I wanted to do.

"Charlie and Billy will be back soon. They've been gone a while now." I whispered, trying to keep my voice steady despite the longing look he wore.

"Yeah, probably." Jacob hesitantly agreed, looking toward the front door with a nod, as he took a few steps back and placed some more distance between us.

I saw his firm swallow when he gazed my way again with his parting words for the evening and all I wanted was to feel his warm lips on mine.

"I'll make sure the fire stays going a bit longer before I turn in and I'll let you know if Billy should call. Good night, Bells. Sweet dreams."

"Thank you. Good night, Jake." I somehow managed.

I laid awake, hearing the eerie stillness of the house, as I stared aimlessly at the bare walls in my room. I felt like an absolute fool right now and the longer I wrestled with sleep, the worse that feeling got for me. I was full of a restlessness that made it hard for me to stay still and when the midnight hour approached, I threw the covers off me and got up.

I listened closely for any sign of movement in the house, as I opened my bedroom door and wandered down the hall into the living room. The Christmas tree lights were still on but the fire had long since died out, and I shivered from the cold chill in the empty room when my gaze settled on the frosty bay window.

There was no sign of my fathers return with Billy yet and I started to worry that maybe their conversation hadn't gone as well this time around. I nervously ran my hands through my hair and tied the black silk robe securely around my slim frame, as I debated on whether or not to call one of them. I reached for my cell that was placed next to Jacobs on the coffee table, and paused when his screen lit up with an incoming message from Billy first. I hurriedly scanned the contents of it before the screen went dark once again.

_'Just letting you and Bella know that the chief and I won't be home until tomorrow night. Charlie rented one of the vacant cottages in town. We have a lot more to discuss still. Didn't want either of you to worry about us. Good night, son. Call you tomorrow morning.'_

_I tore my eyes from the screen then and let my hand drop as Billy's brief message sunk in._

_They wouldn't be home for hours._

A rush of heat made me flush, settling its way over my skin, as I drew my bottom lip into my mouth, and glanced toward the darkened hallway that led to the guest room where Jacob was sleeping. I swallowed hard and sunk down on the sofa with a heavy sigh. I couldn't stop the images from coming while I silently wared with myself there in the empty living room.

My cheeks warmed with a vibrant blush that I tried to ignore, as the many fantasies in my mind got more vivid and more real with each passing moment. I stared blankly down the hall, the darkness almost inviting there, while I imagined what it would be like to feel Jacobs strong hands caress my bare skin.

I slowly paced back and forth in front of my mantle, as the ache for him settled over me with palpable weight.

I wanted him- every part of him- from somewhere within. He sparked something in me that I couldn't simply turn off.

How was it possible that I'd gone all these years never feeling what I was right now?

Jacobs solid presence and his love was something that had brought me back to life. He offered it selflessly and without demands or restrictions. He made me feel like I was truly free for the first time in years. Our hearts had somehow remained open to each other all this time, despite all the hurt, the distance and years of absence, and there was nothing casual about that.

It defied odds and made me believe in the impossible.

I stood on shaky legs and gathered all the blankets from the hall closet, before laying them out in the form of a makeshift bed just under the Christmas tree. One of my favorite things to do as a child was to lay beneath a tree just like this one and watch the beautiful lights for hours on end. I couldn't remember the last time I had done that and reminiscing about it now brought a slight smile to my face. I tossed a few more throw pillows from the couch down onto the floor with the heap of blankets, and was about to lay down when the sudden sound of the house door creaking open made me spin around.

Jacob stood just inside the doorway there in nothing but low slung cut offs, and when the glow from the lights on the tree touched his handsome face, the sight of him took my damn breath away.

He had no idea just how captivating he was.

"You alright?" He asked, noticing my startled expression. "I'm sorry - should've told you I went out for a quick perimeter run. Helps me settle down on these long nights."

I nodded, tucking a stray lock of hair behind my ear and wrapping my arms around myself, as I shivered again from the harsh cold air he'd let in from the front door moments ago.

"Can't sleep?" I hedged in return to him when he glanced at the fireplace.

"No, I tried. Figured a run would help but-"

"I can't sleep either...-" I softly admitted.

Jacob turned his head back to me when he heard the nervousness in my tone, his gaze falling to the satin robe that was wrapped around me now, it's flimsy material dipping low in the front and leaving very little to the imagination. His piercing stare held mine long enough to send another rush of heat through me and I couldn't look away from him even if I wanted to.

"You're shivering-..." Jacob huskily stated, taking a few strides my way and gesturing to the makeshift bed on the floor beneath me. "I can get the fire going again if you're gonna sleep out here the rest of the night?"

I couldn't answer him at first, the beating of my heart like a drum when he turned to go back outside and collect the wood he needed.

My body responded before my mouth even could and I moved forward with my reply.

"Don't go-..." I whispered, seeing Jacob become still at this, his whole body stopping and going rigid, as his hand lingered there on the door knob. I drew in a quavering breath and ignored the nerves that made me nearly stumble over my truth to him when the words left my parted lips. "I don't need the fire tonight. I just need you."

He released his hold on the door and I dared to move a step closer when he slowly turned and met my gaze again.

His penetrative stare alone tore down my many meaningless walls of defense that I'd tried so hard to keep in place until now. They'd been up since the day I left Washington ten years ago. I'd used them to keep the whole damn world out, for as long as I possibly could, but it took only one look into those trusted eyes of his, and they came tumbling down as if they'd never been there at all.

The world had a way of being cruel and unfair, and it had left me wondering on more than one occasion why, knowing I may never have the answer I really needed.

We'd both shared immense heartaches that felt never ending and shattering at times, but there was a solace that I couldn't put words to whenever his gaze would hold mine for longer than a few fleeting moments.

He was written into the very soul of who I was. There was no denying it. We were a remedy to each other, and as we stood there looking at one another in the loaded silence, I knew that I had spoken no truer words to him before.

I did need him. So much.

My hands trembled when I let them fall to my sides, unveiling the low cut silk lace trim that dipped down to the center of my chest and was held together by only the thin sash that was tied around my waist.

Jacobs eyes left mine with a burning intensity that graced my skin in a sweltering heat and I felt my nerves disappear at the sight of his reaction. His hands twitched at his sides when he took a silent step forward, and shot a glance toward the bay window that gave a center view of my driveway.

His silent question was easy to read and I hurriedly offered up a whispered reply.

"They won't be back until tomorrow night. Billy sent you a text-..."

My voice trailed off then when he looked me over, his eyes drinking me in like he'd never seen me before tonight. It was intoxicating to behold, and I felt frozen in place when he reached behind him and deadbolted the house door, his heated stare only leaving mine for a few seconds when he wordlessly did this.

I blindly reached up and gently tugged the lace sash free from it's tie at my waist. The silk robe fell open and I heard Jacobs sharp intake of air. He crossed the room and was there before I could let out another breath, his throaty moan leaving him as his lips crashed onto mine.

My lips molded to his effortlessly and I returned his fire with equal vigor, feeling drunk off his passionate kiss.

His hands roamed up my back and were in my hair, as a needy plea escaped me in a heaving breath to him.

"Jake...-"

I was mere putty in his hands when he hauled me up in his strong arms and laid me there beneath the Christmas tree.

**A/N: There is WAY more to come tomorrow! Look for that STEAMY update. Please leave a review with your thoughts and thank you for all your comments on this story! :-)**


	86. Chapter 86

**CHAPTER EIGHTY-SIX**

**(BPOV)**

Jacobs hand gently glided through my hair as he pulled me up close against his blazing chest. He looked at me in such a way that left me awe struck, his dark eyes lit with the kind of passion that likened to candles in the dead of the night.

Goosebumps lined my skin, and not the kind that one gets from an unwanted chill in the air, but the kind one gets when nothing else matters but this moment right here and right now. How many times had I dreamed about this with him? About what it would be like to be with him like this? Far more times than I could keep record of.

I swore my heart would beat out of my chest when he deepened our kiss, while his strong arms carefully laid me beneath him, the taste of him lingering there on my tongue and leaving me desperate to get closer to him. All my prior fears and worries left me, the freed and lifted weight of them making me feel almost weightless, yet more grounded than ever before as he placed his warm body over mine.

I'd heard it said a time or two that there was nothing sweeter than a long awaited surrender, and that notion had never been more true than it was right now for the both of us.

Weeks of tension that had been steadily building like a roaring fire had finally lit something between us that couldn't be squelched. I had sensed it was coming for days now, like a mighty storm you could feel in the air, but didn't know the timing of just when it would make the highly anticipated landfall.

I broke our kiss with a breathy moan when Jacobs gaze steadily held mine, his heated stare intently searching my own, and stealing the passion from my eyes in a way that only further ignited the spark between us. The sunny smile I was so used to was nowhere to be found on his lips right now. It had been replaced by the hot and searing intensity of his alluring gaze, the one that I know was only the very beginning of the scorching inferno that was sure to come.

My mind flooded with a rush of memories then, putting my head into a frenzy of past events we'd shared together.

From a spiraling depression that he pulled me out of with nothing more than his promises of care and devoted friendship as a teenager, to the dangerous and thrilling bike rebuilds, and warm sodas in his garage, to the secrets that should have never been kept, and the recklessness of my thoughtless cliff diving that he'd saved me from, to the very regretful moment I had boarded a plane and put thousands of miles between us for the better part of a decade.

All of it tore through my mind in a flash and I could only kiss him deeper and hold him tighter in response.

The simple touch of his hand led me into moving in ways I never learned but knew so well. He left a heated trail on my skin wherever his hands roamed. My head tilted back as Jacob kissed my neck and pushed his body into mine. The feel of him engulfed my senses and stole away all of my cares. I had never felt more alive and more present than I did in this moment with him, as all the maddening thoughts from the past and the future slowly faded from me.

Gone were any traces of logic and feigned detachment on either end when he caressed my skin.

I kissed him with a hunger I didn't know existed in me, as his hand cupped my ass, rocking my hips forward while he pressed himself firmly against me. His hot mouth left mine with a husky groan that came from the base of his throat and I burned for him, when his tongue touched the bare skin of my collar bone, and dipped further along the revealing lace that I wanted to be rid of. He tried to be careful with the silk robe, so he didn't rip the delicate lace trim there but I begged him for something else, my tone unrecognizable and full of need when I pleaded with him.

"Take it off… please."

The request barely left me when I felt him firmly tug the single tiny clasp and sash that held the flimsy black silk to my skin.

Jacob tore it easily, the material giving way from his firm hand and his dark eyes never leaving mine when he parted the fabric and cupped my bare breast. My back arched with a moan that was pulled from the deepest part of me. Jacob recaptured my lips and my tongue met his with a renewed fire that spread through me like a lit match chased with kerosene. He lifted me up with ease, placing me against him in a straddled position like I was weightless. His breath barely touched the center of my chest, and I shuddered from the delicious tingle it sent rushing through me in a wave that made me ache for him.

His hold on me tightened and I marveled at how in tune he was to the desires I couldn't put words to. I wanted his mouth on every part of me, and the lustful thought wasn't even finished running through my head, before I felt his tongue languidly swirl around my pert nipple. My head fell back and his name left me in a breathy sigh.

"Jake-..."

In that fleeting moment, every nerve in my body and brain was electrified.

His tongue carved every bare inch of my body, slowly and skillfully, like a chisel.

No one had ever touched me this way before... and I mean no one.

It was often the running bet between Callie and Tina on when, and if I would ever let anyone get close enough to take them home with me whenever we would all go out for drinks on the occasion after a particularly hard shift at Pen Bay. While there had been many possible suitors, none of them ever got close, because I seemingly always found something wrong with them. Some kind of flaw in them overlooked by all the others, or yet another lame excuse I'd give. Tina thought I was crazy for not taking some of the doctors up on their offers of a 'no strings attached' one night stand, but no matter how much alcohol had been in my system, I couldn't bring myself to do it. I knew that made me old fashioned and pretty damn outdated, but sex to me had never been on the table with anyone from work, no matter how supposedly unattached it was promised to be. That didn't matter and after dealing with the pain I had from endometriosis, I had always been terrified that sex would only be much the same. I'd done enough research to know that it wreaked havoc on personal relationships and I truly wanted no part of that -_ until Jacob - until my entire world had been turned on it's axis in the most unexpected of ways._

His warms hands skimmed down over my breasts, before he placed them on my hips and slowly tugged the satin robe the rest of the way off. It fell abandoned to the floor beside us and I wrapped my arms around his neck when he kissed me again, the sudden intensity of our movements slowing now with his labored breaths. I pressed my forehead against his and rocked my hips forward, eliciting a deep moan from him when the confines of his cut offs became restrictive and tight. I cradled his face and kissed him tenderly then, savoring the taste and feel of him, as he laid me back down on the heap of blankets under the tree and placed open mouthed kisses along the sensitive flesh of my breasts, lower abdomen, and along the apex of my thighs.

I thought I would combust when his mouth hovered dangerously close to my sex, his dark eyes raising enough to capture mine with a silent plea in them that already had me trembling in anticipation.

Jacob slowly slid my lace panties down over my legs.

An aching burn touched the inner most part of me and blossomed through my lower abdomen when his warm tongue parted my slick folds. I couldn't contain the moans that left me or the way my legs shook, as he worked me over until I was reduced to nothing more than a sweet cry of pure ecstasy. He moved his way back up my body and replaced his tongue with his strong fingers, and when his eyes held mine again, I saw nothing there but the kind of adoration that made me free enough to finally let go.

Like a tidal wave that dragged me forcefully out to sea, my body surrendered to a high that left me trembling beneath him.

Jacobs lips were at my ear, his husky words bringing tears to my eyes when he breathed them.

"You're so beautiful, honey. Every single part of you."

I dared to let my hands dip beneath the denim waistband of his tattered cut offs and felt him go still when I drew his lips back to mine. Our breath mingled in the air around us as I started to unbutton them.

"Make love to me, Jake."

The words left me in a needy whisper as he pulled away just enough to remove his cutoffs.

I could only stare at his perfection, while my eyes shamelessly roamed over every well defined and sculpted muscle on his naked body. He was more perfect than I'd ever imagined him to be, and I had done that plenty of times in the past. Anything my minds eye had ever created for all those illusions had failed miserably in comparison to the vision I was seeing now.

Jacob stepped out of his shorts and I felt the yearning and heavy ache for him return, as my eyes fell to a point far south of his six pack.

My god, was he damn beautiful. Utter perfection that he would never admit to but was so plain to see.

I shivered from his absence when the chilled air of the night graced my skin as he sunk back down in front of me on his knees, his chest heaving when his gaze trailed over my naked body under the tree.

He carefully drew me closer to him, our frenzied pace from before all but gone now when he covered my body with his. He ran his hand up my outer thigh, hitching my leg up with the kind of tenderness and grace I didn't think someone of his size and stature could possess.

I cradled his face and ran my fingers through his thick hair, as his lips ghosted mine and he settled himself there between my naked thighs.

I was so lost in his eyes, captivated in our heady trance of passion, that any fear left me before it had the chance to take hold. He whispered my name as our bodies touched. Slowly, we became entwined, both our hearts and our souls fusing into one. Our skin moved softly together like that of the finest of any silk, and our bodies fit perfectly, as if we were made for this and only this. To fall completely into one another. He kept me flush against him, so no separation remained between us and all we could feel was each other. He kissed me long and deep with a low growl that escaped him, and I whimpered in pleasure as we became lost in time.

I gasped when Jacobs shallow thrusts went deeper, my breathing changing with each one, hearing my soft moans now timed to his body, and his rich gaze piercing mine as the slightest wince soon crossed my features. He watched my reaction, feeling how my legs moved, and seeing my body writhe there beneath his. He kept me secured to him and lifted my hips ever so slightly then, the new angle causing the brief pain to fade from me quicker than it had come. He read me so completely, without words, and with every thrust, my body flooded with the kind of building release I had only fantasized about before now. We moved faster, the rigidness in Jacobs body telling me he was as close as I was. My breath felt stolen and my skin was wrapped up in the kind of heat that left me almost sweltering, and enveloped me in nothing but a delicious and intoxicating burn. Jacobs sculpted chest was covered with the kind of sensual sweat that made his russet skin glisten.

There was nothing, no other feeling, that could compare to this with him.

I felt the shudder that tore through him, as he drew my hips up further, his strangled and husky words fueled by a raw passion when they left him.

"I love you more than anything, Bells."

I wasn't able to respond, though I tried, I simply couldn't articulate a single word while my entire body quivered from what he spoke, the very sound of his warm voice enough to push me over the brink and take him with me.

I could feel his body shake with mine as he struggled to keep control of what he couldn't, trying to hold back and make the moment last as long as possible, neither one of us wanting it to end. I saw the devotion and the care reflected there in his dark gaze and I whispered the words against his opened mouth.

"I love you, too. So much."

His kiss was urgent and hungry then, and I let out a final cry that filled the house when the careful nature that touched me more than he could ever know, was slowly replaced with the kind of carnal desire I'd been afraid of since I was a teenager. The kind that I had never dared to explore with anyone because I knew there would be a steep price in the end. The kind of price I'd pay for hours or days after, and I had always been convinced that nothing could ever be worth that kind of misery - _but I was wrong._

Jacobs thrust went deeper and his eyes never left my face as our bodies exploded, leaving us both breathless and desperately clinging to the other.

Arms and legs all tangled together and in the heavy blankets there under the Christmas tree, he hauled me up and held me impossibly close to him, the very feel of his beating heart against mine enough to make me never want to leave him.

Deep in the endless quiet of the fading night, we stayed there for minutes on end, holding each other in complete contented silence. I was pressed to him, wrapped up in his warmth, and he kept me cocooned there as our breathing slowly returned to normal.

I had no words. Nothing that would ever do what I was feeling any sort of real justice.

My eyes felt heavy when he kissed me softly and laid back down under the lights of the tree. He settled me there on top of him, his hold tightening when I started to move for fear he would be uncomfortable.

"It's okay. Stay, honey." He sighed, his own voice thick with sleep now.

I was out in mere seconds and wasn't sure of how much time had passed when I was startled awake by the feel of Jacobs lips pressing gently to my cheek.

I closed my eyes again and felt him get up from the floor, the absence of his warmth making me curl in on myself. I sat up, wrapping the blankets around me when he hunkered down in front of me, his whispered words full of concern that left me dazed and confused at first.

"Bells, stay right here, honey. I'll be right back."

I merely nodded then when he placed a kiss to my forehead and headed for the bathroom. I was still so tired that when I tried to move, my limbs felt too heavy to lift. I gazed up at the lights of the tree, sleepily beholding their glowing and radiant beauty, and that's when I felt it. The stabbing pain that made me stifle a cry I refused to make.

No...

It had been weeks since my last flare up. This was supposed to be getting better.

I wrapped my arms tightly around my middle, bracing myself for it's second stabbing blow that I already knew was coming.

I could hear the water running in the bathroom when Jacob came back out and reached tentatively for me.

"Come here, honey."

If it were anyone else, I would have stubbornly fought against the help, hell bent on handling this on my own, but I went willingly into his arms when he carefully lifted me, and headed for the bathroom where the tub was rimming with a warm bubble bath.

Jacob steadied me with one arm and turned off the waters flow, before he stepped in the tub with me and sunk us both down into the steamy water.

I looked up into his face, seeing the kind of attentiveness he'd shown me years ago when I was hurting in a much different way. I didn't speak, as he settled us both there in the bath, the soothing feel of the water only second to his comforting embrace while he held me. My head came to rest on his shoulder and I pressed my face into the groove of his neck when his arms drew me further into him.

He already knew what I needed before I had even spoken it.

"You're not alone anymore with this. I promise you. I'll be here, okay? We're going to figure this out together."

His husky voice was nothing but sincere and I closed my eyes as the emotion resurfaced. Jacob glanced down at me there in his arms, his lips softly touching mine before he kissed away the few tears that spilled over.

**A/N: Okay guys, this was such wonderful breakthrough and touching moment for Jake and Bella. I wanted to be as real as possible with the reality of her condition that is still lingering, all the while giving a real sense of love and trust between them. I hope you enjoyed this new update and look forward to hearing from you in a review. I wanted to let you know again how much I appreciate your support and prayers these days. There will be another longer update tomorrow. Till then ...**


	87. Chapter 87

**CHAPTER EIGHTY-SEVEN**

**(BPOV)**

When the water got cold, Jacob refilled the tub and I was struggling to even stay awake there with him, my eyes feeling as heavy and sated as the rest of me did.

Much of the pain came in waves, the brutality of it something oddly unfamiliar, which I found striking, given my long history with all this.

After the better part of an hour, I felt Jacob shift my weight in his arms and my tired gaze met his.

"Are you keeping Sam waiting? Do any of them expect you?"

"No, and even if they did, they'd have to manage without me. My place is right here with you. Nowhere else."

I nodded softly and felt his lips touch my temple as the water steadily began to cool once more. The slightest chill made me shiver and he moved me in closer to him, before draining the tub and reaching for a towel on the shelf just ahead of us. He helped me dry off and I tried not to show how uncomfortable I was from the slightest movement right now.

Jacob paused when my hands started to shake and not from the cold. He took hold of them and leaned in close to me.

"I'm sorry-" I choked out in admission to him. "I hate this-"

He shook his head to me and lifted my chin to meet his stare.

"You have nothing to be sorry for-" He replied, as he wrapped me in his arms. There was something about his warmth that soothed me in a way that nothing else could and I basked in it.

"I'm so tired." I admitted to him. "I can't fight it anymore. I just can't."

He lifted me with ease and carried me out of the bathroom, the sight of the suns rays barely peeking in through my open windows letting me know a new day was already here, putting us closer to New Years Eve. I could only hope that this flare up would relent by then, for fear it would ruin more than it already had.

Jacob pushed open the door to my bedroom and placed me on the bed, his husky whisper surrounding me when he laid me there among the blankets and pillows.

"Last night was one of the best nights of my life. This doesn't change that, Bells. It never could, honey." He admitted, kissing me once before gesturing toward my closet. "Pajamas?"

"I don't know what's left in there- I've already started packing." I softly countered, glancing toward the bulging suitcase that laid in the corner.

A smile crept up on his handsome face at this and for the briefest moment, the mere sight of it made me forget all about the pain. As breathtaking as he was naked, he was even more striking when he would smile that dimpled smile of his. The one that reached his eyes and would make time itself stop ticking for me.

"I see that…-" Jacob hedged in return, looking back out toward the hall with his parting words. "I'm gonna grab something from the guest room for you."

He disappeared with the same smile in place and was back before I could fully unwrap the towel from under my arms.

"Here, honey. You can use these." He offered, handing me a set of his sweats and an oversized t-shirt. "I still need to pack my things."

I took them from him and slipped the cotton shirt over my head with a contented sigh.

"Perfect." I replied. "I prefer these over anything else."

Jacob helped me step into the grey sweats and took my face gingerly in his warm hands.

"They look much better on you than they ever have on me. I might even let you keep them." He mused.

"I think I'll take you up on that offer."

I sat back down on the edge of my bed and reached for the bottle of Tylenol I still kept on my bedside table with a heavy sigh.

"Do they help at all?" He asked, as I gripped the bottle and closed my eyes in another wince.

"Um-... to be honest- depends on the day. Sometimes I can go with only needing a few and it's enough to take the edge off, other times, I could take the highest dose on here and it doesn't even touch it."

Jacobs face fell at this and he reached for me with a sincere tenderness in his reply.

"What can I do, Bells?"

"You're already doing it." I sighed, leaning back against the pillows and swallowing hard against the emotion that tried to show itself again. "I couldn't ask for anything more. I'm just not used to this- having someone around with me when I'm really hurting."

He tucked the covers in around me then, as I curled up on the bed and nestled myself under their warmth. The feel of his lips on mine was the last thing I felt, before I succumbed to my overwhelming exhaustion and fell asleep.

I managed to get a few hours of rest before the stabbing ache came back with a vengeance, and my eyes flew open as the whirling nausea in my stomach took hold. My pain hadn't been this bad in a long time and I shook like a leaf while my head pounded furiously. I bolted upright, tearing free from Jacobs hold, as I made a mad run for the bathroom.

I gripped the cool edge of the sink, waiting for the inevitable as my stomach violently churned. Jacob was there, his hands gathering my hair for me at the nape of my neck as his arm wrapped around my middle in silent support.

Within minutes, some of the nausea passed and I stumbled back from the sink, my legs feeling heavy as the knife wreaking havoc on my insides, twisted sharply. It was like a battlefield inside me that had turned into this war with all of my organs. I felt like I was slowly suffocating, my skin now hot and clammy, as my own body tried to hold me hostage. My legs wanted to give out when I crouched down there in the bathroom, holding my stomach tightly, while wishing and hoping that the pain would stop.

The room whirled and my thoughts raced with the dizziness that threatened to make me collapse. My hips and pelvis were throbbing, and even the feel of clothes against my skin at this point seemed to be too much.

Whenever a flare up would get this bad for me, I couldn't stand the very idea of even being touched, but I clung to Jacob when he caught me from caving the rest of the way to the floor. I tried but couldn't hold back my tears, as I forcefully gave into the cries I'd been holding in for hours now.

They sucked all the energy and life out of me, each one causing me more anguish than the last. My insides felt twisted and my entire body started to ache so much that I couldn't take the sweats or the shirt pressing to my skin anymore.

I pulled away from Jacob and tried to remove the sweats on my own, the very movement alone making me let out a ragged sob. Jacob reached for me and helped me rid the offending clothes in a hurry then, his gaze glossy when it held mine.

I could feel the fever settling into me like it always did when I got another nasty flare up and all I wanted to do was scream.

Jacob stood in front of me with a reflection of my own pain now etched into his every feature, and I could only stare back at him as my tears ran in a steady flow down my cheeks.

He didn't speak, because he knew there was nothing he could say to make this better, instead he took a few steps forward and held his arms open for me. I could see it there, in his tortured gaze, that he was afraid of touching me in the wrong place and hurting me worse somehow.

I hurriedly went into his awaiting arms with another cry and he lifted me with one of his own, before he carried me back to my room. He climbed under the covers with me and drew me in close to him, his arms carefully cradling me there, like if he could only hold me close enough, he could make this stop.

I faded in and out of sleeps relentless pull, and didn't leave Jacobs comforting embrace for the rest of the afternoon.

It wasn't until the early hours of the evening that I slowly woke up to the feel of his warm caress on my bare abdomen. I stirred and pressed my hands over his as he drew me against him with a heavy sigh. My back was pressed securely to his firm chest, and though the heat from his hold felt almost suffocating when paired with my fever, I didn't pull away from him. His arms loosened when I turned and faced him with my trembling words.

"Charlie and Billy will be back soon." I worriedly told him, huddling myself further into his chest.

"Shh- don't worry, honey. I'll take care of it."

"Charlie doesn't know yet. I haven't told him about this-"

"I know." He whispered, as his gaze trailed down to where his hand was still pressed against my stomach. His regretful stare was focused there, and it made me almost afraid to ask what he was thinking, but I did anyway.

"Tell me what you're thinking, Jake." I timidly hedged, lacing my fingers through his, as he pressed his body even closer to my own.

He was silent for a few more seconds, and I soon saw the recognition touch his face when he spoke again.

"I'm thinking of the meeting I'm going to have with all the elders and the council once we're back in Washington." He stated. I looked up at him in confusion at this, as he went on to further explain. "They're going to help me fix this. One way or another. No matter what."

There was a clear determination in his tone and I slowly sat up with him in response.

"What if they don't have the answers? Is there a way for the imprint to be fixed all on it's own?"

Jacob stared at me, his look filling with a conviction that reached through my own brokenness.

"I think we can do anything, Bells. All we need is each other. I love you."

After another hour had passed, I was strong enough to be able to stand on weak legs and head out into the living room with him, my nausea all but gone, and the stabbing pain not returning with the same ferocity now as before. I sat down on the couch, wrapped in only another one of his t-shirts and an afghan while Jacob busied himself in the kitchen.

Within minutes, the alluring smell of toast and chicken noodle soup filled the air and though it wasn't much, I found myself to actually be hungry enough to eat something.

I knew this was a good sign for me.

He soon carried a filled dinner trey out to me with a hopeful look touching his face and set it down with half a smile.

"I will never claim to be a chef, or anything close to it, but with any luck, I'm hoping it's at least edible?" He mused, handing me a spoon and a mug full of warm tea.

"Thank you for making this." I replied, feeling so grateful for him, as I started eating the toast a nibble at a time and sipping the tea along with it.

To my surprise, it all settled without causing any of the nausea to return.

I rested comfortably against Jacob and noticed that the closer I was to him, the longer the pain seemed to stay away.

Sooner than either of us were ready for, the bright beam of headlights shined in through the bay window, letting us know Billy and Charlie were back with Clarissa from their stay in the harbour.

We both looked at each other and Jacob kissed me tenderly as the front door swung open.

**A/N:**** Hey guys, I hope this chapter finds you all well tonight. Thank you so much for your kind reviews for the last chapter. Look for more tomorrow!**


	88. Chapter 88

**CHAPTER EIGHTY-EIGHT**

**(JPOV)**

Charlie and Billy came in the house holding Clarissa, all of them wearing wide smiles at first. They took one look at Bella and those smiles vanished from sight in an instant. I stood and reached for Clarissa then, seeing her stretch her arms out for me with a giggle that warmed my heart when I took her from Charlie.

"We had a good little adventure with her, Jake. We really did. Thanks for letting us get some time with her while we hashed things out." Charlie offered, and I nodded to him in reply as his look went to Bella.

"Sure thing, Chief. Glad the time was helpful. Did dad answer most of your questions?" I hedged, feeling Bella's hand slip into mine when she peered up at me from her seat on the sofa.

"Yeah, he did and I had a lot of them. So, props to your old man for putting up with me." Charlie mused, hunkering down there next to his daughter and cupping her cheek with a truly worried expression. "Jeez, kiddo. You look as pale as I've ever seen you. What's wrong? Are you not feeling well? Catch something at the hospital?"

I gave her hand a light squeeze and raised my head to catch the look on my fathers face. His gaze held mine from the doorway and I knew he could already see the truth of what was really going on with Bella.

"I just- haven't felt myself tonight. I'll be okay, dad. Don't worry. Jake's been here taking really good care of me."

"Well, of course he has. I don't worry there, but I gotta' say, you feel warm to the touch. Are you running a fever?"

"Maybe- you know- there's been a lot of stuff going around at the hospital right now. You know that. Could be a strain of the flu." Bella weakly replied.

I inwardly cringed at the lie we were both already beginning to tell, the timing of the whole thing ironic, since we'd just cleared the air of everything else with Charlie a mere day ago.

What a tangled web we weave sometimes.

Clarissa fussed then and leaned herself into my shoulder, stealing away the conversation for the time being, as Charlie rose up from the couch and headed for the kitchen.

"She's probably hungry and tired, Jake. Been a fun day but a long one, too." Charlie stated from over his shoulder while he went. I sat down in his place and Clarissa eagerly reached for Bella with an other cry.

Bella didn't even hesitate, she took her from me with half a teary smile, and Clarissa huddled into her without another peep as her eyes grew heavy. I saw the way Bella held her close, her silent tears falling again as she ran her fingertips through Clarissa's hair and rested her cheek against the top of her head.

They were a comfort to each other all on their own and it moved me beyond words to watch her hold Clarissa the way she was.

Billy's gaze was intense when it met my mine and I could see that he was genuinely worried for Bella.

I kissed them both before helping my dad get better settled into the house. We had barely rounded the corner that led to Bella's study when he firmly gripped my arm and looked up at me.

"What's really going on with her, son? She looks-"

"I know." I interjected with a huff, while I took the bag of things he'd bought in town from him and tried to find the right words without going into too much detail. Grown man now or not, sex was not something I openly discussed often with Billy.

"I thought us leaving for the night would give you two some time to really have a heart to heart." Billy replied, glancing around me to be sure Charlie wasn't in ear shot right now.

"We did- ... it did. We talked about everything, dad. The past and right now. The imprint...-" I admitted, trailing off as the memories of her naked body beneath mine took hold of my center focus, and caused me to stumble some over my words to him.

Everything about the two of us finally being together in that way had been perfect. I didn't regret a single part of it - except the hell she was thrown into afterwards.

Bella had no way of knowing this, but after she'd told me the real reason why she left and what her diagnosis had been as a teenager, I'd spent a lot of time looking things up on my own. I wanted to educate myself the best I could about it, for her alone, even if I still believed in my gut that her real suffering had nothing to do with a possible wrongly given medical diagnosis.

Whatever made her suffer, or caused her that kind of pain, it was far worse to witness it, and not be able to do anything for her. Shit, I'd gladly take a severe beating or go another freaking round with Victoria and her newborn army than be this damn helpless.

I loathed the very feeling of it and the truth was, it almost made me angry that the imprints pull hadn't grown strong enough to help her yet.

I drew in a deep breath and sunk down against the wall there next to my father, his eyes filling with dread when he took in my face now.

"Jake- tell me, son- whatever it is or whatever happened-"

"I made love to her, dad."

Billy went quiet at this, his face filling with a relief I didn't fully understand.

"Well, I had hoped you would."

"What?" I replied, as my head snatched up from his confession. I leaned forward when he motioned for me to draw closer to him so I could hear his whispered response better.

"Oh, don't look so shocked, my boy. I might be an old timer, but I'm not blind. There's been a tension there between the two of you for days now, maybe even weeks before we arrived for the Holiday. To be honest, I half expected it to happen before now."

My head spun as I stared back at him with a perplexed expression. "Dad, what- what the hell are you-"

"Alright, son. Hold on now. Let me back up a bit here. Sam and I have been in near constant communication since I got here. We've been doing more digging in the legends and while waht we found at first, didn't sound too promising, after a few more hours of intense searching, we discovered something unwritten you could say. Hidden there between the lines."

"Like what?" I hedged, my tone borderline irritated now, as I thought of him keeping secrets with Sam. "Hasn't there been enough damn secrecy these days? I thought we agreed to be upfront about things from now on? Where did that go?"

"We did and I promise you, that's gonna be my new policy from here on out, however this situation called for a little more of that secrecy so-"

"Okay, fine. Go on." I implored.

"Sam called me on Christmas Eve, before the attack happened with Victoria and he told me he'd found the very thing we were looking for all along. You see, under any normal set of circumstances, once you defy the odds and an imprint is truly broken, there's not much of an chance, if any, of it ever taking hold again. It's been severed and that conection completely broken."

I cringed, the evidence of it showing plainly in my face to him as I winced from his words.

"So, there's no hope-"

"No, you're getting ahead of me, Jake. Listen to what I have to tell you." Billy replied, wheeling himself a bit closer to me with a resounded look. "You and Bella have never been normal and I say that with only respect. When she left and the imprint was broken, you still tracked Victoria. All on your own."

"Of course I did. What are you getting at."

"Why did you feel the need to do that?"

I shook my head to him, feeling my irritation beginning to peak at this riddle he was unintentionally spinning. I ran my hands over my face and stared at him with my narrowed gaze. "Dad, I mean no disrespect here, but it's been a hell of a night. Is this some kind of twisted trick question? You already know the answer?!"

"Do I? He countered, placing a hand on my forearm with a firm nod. "Better yet, do you?"

I saw the true and earnest conviction there in his eyes, and I swallowed hard as the pieces for some of this started to fit together for me.

"I- I wanted her safe."

"Why?"

"-because protecting her was all I could think about when she left Washington-" I forcefully admitted to him.

"-and that's what you were, wasn't it? All that time she was away from you. You morphed into exactly what she needed you to be. Her protector." Billy declared with confidence.

I glanced down to the floor, and my head filled with a rush of memories then, all of them linking together so rapidly that it stole my ability to focus on anything else. The words spanned out from the darkest recesses of my mind then and I could hardly breathe.

'_\- Everything changes - Gravity no longer holds you to the planet - she does. Nothing else matters. You would do anything for her - be anything for her. A trusted friend- a protector- a lover. There's no limit to what you wouldn't become for her-'_

"Jake?" My father hedged, tugging my arm in an attempt to gain my attention again, but it was useless as the images and memories continued on. I tried to form words, but couldn't when they all finally stopped and I let out a ragged breath, my chest now tight from the revelation that was staring me dead in the face.

"It was never fully broken." I forced out, my mouth finally cooperating with my brain as Billy nodded to me with a knowing smile.

"No, my boy. No, it wasn't. When Charlie and I left here, it was true we had a lot of things to discuss, but I may have had a bit of an alterior motive, too. My hope was the two of you would take the time you needed for each other, and I suspected that's what might happen if you fully opened up to one other like you did. In fact, I hoped for it."

"Tell me more of what you're not saying?" I huffed out, looking at him as the rest steadily began to come together for me even more so.

"You're catching on quicker now." Billy began again. "When Victoria attacked you, she singled you out above all the others because she knew you were her protector, and she knew you'd die before ever letting her get to Bella. Sam told me that fight should have ended much worse than it did. He said, the fact that you were still able to finish her off after the number she'd done on you was something he couldn't believe. Pair that with not healing like you should have at first, and it could have been the real end for you, son. It wasn't just adrenaline, it was because your strength came from something deeper- something only the wolf can sustain you with. When you stopped phasing, it only deadened the imprints pull, but it was still there, Jacob. Down deep it was there. It's how you knew that Bella was in trouble at the hospital when the young man responsible for your accident tried to hurt her after shooting Callie. You were on an entirely different floor, but you stopped him just in time. That's not coincidence. There's no such thing in our world."

I drew in another steadying breath, slowly recalling all of what he was bringing to light and unable to deny the truth behind his words.

"I just knew-"

"The imprint was there- not the same as before and with a much lesser effect, but it never really left you or Bella."

I swallowed hard again, as the realization took firm hold of me. My mind continued to spin, while I tried to find some sort of flaw in his logic with Sam, but I soon discovered there was none to be found.

"It was there all along...-"

"Still is, son. Still is. I said all of that, to tell you this, what you and Bella have isn't defined by what you always feared as a teenager that it would be. While the imprints pull is strong and the link powerful, the two of you have built a solid foundation all on your own with years of care and friendship. Even though you both fell off track for a while, it remained solid. The imprint just confirms for you what you knew from the start. That you were made for her and-"

"-that I love her."

"Yeah, exactly." Billy sighed, looking ahead of us again to be certain our conversation wasn't being tuned into. "Jake, you're my son and I'm damn proud of the man you are, the devoted dad you are, and the protector you've always been, but when you married Lilly, my heart broke for you. Not because I didn't love that girl, or because she wasn't good enough for you, but because I knew such a huge part of you was still in love with someone else. When Clarissa gets older, you'll know this feeling, that all you want for your kids is for them to be happy. Maybe even happier than you were yourself and I wanted that for you. I still do. Your mother would have to. The only difference is, I'm pretty damn sure she wouldn't have let you go through with a wedding your heart wasn't into. Knowing her, she would have called Bella herself and told her to come back home. Looking back, I wish I had done so many things differently. Starting with the secrets I kept from Charlie and how I went along with ever helping you to break the imprint to begin with- well tried to anyway."

After hearing everything he had to say, I was able to somehow string together my own line of returning questions for him.

"If all this is true - and I believe it is- then why is she still hurting like she is and tell me dad- for shits sake- tell me how to fix her? What can I do?"

Billy lifted his gaze to mine and released my arm with another one of his knowing nods.

"You don't need me to tell you that-"

"Like hell I don't-" I countered, getting to my feet and hoping he had a better answer for me than just that one. "I need you to tell me what I can do for her-"

"You were her friend, because she needed you to be. Then you became her protector because when she left, that's what she needed most from you. Now-... that pull has steadily morphed into something else- something much stronger between the two of you. Love her, Jacob. Just as you are and the imprint will do the rest without anymore intervention. The ties that were severed, but not permanently, they're knitting themselves back together without any extra measures being done and for the simple fact that she needs you and you need her. Trust the spirits, they know what they're doing, and most of all, trust yourself and what you know is best for her - what you've always know you have with her. It will be enough. May not happen overnight and it could take more time than what either of you want it to, especially Bella, but it will heal her."

I could only stare at him, dumbstruck at the complete assuredness in his tone to me.

I opened my mouth to say something else but stopped short when Charlie rounded the corner and met us there.

"Clarissa and Bella are fast asleep on the couch. Think I'm about ready to head in for the night myself. Let me know how Bella's doing? She has me a bit worried for her. See you in the morning, son."

"Yeah, I will. Good night chief. Sleep well." I hoarsely replied, as Billy reached out and tightly squeezed my hand before he followed him down the hall.

"Sounds good to me. I'm beat, too. Good night, son. We'll see you in the morning."

I watched them retreat into the other guest room and when my eyes fell on Bella's peaceful face while she slept, holding tightly to Clarissa, all I could do was stare at her. She was so beautiful.

I kept myself busy with starting another fire and I watched the sizzling flames rise higher and higher in the fireplace until Bella softly called my name.

"Jake...-"

I went to her and settled both her and Clarissa close to me with my reply.

"Everything's gonna be okay, honey. I promise you. You'll get better. This is just the beginning for us."

**A/N: Okay so this was a big info chapter and I'm truly hoping you all enjoyed it! Please leave a review with your thoughts! Till the next time... which will be tomorrow! Take care!**


	89. Chapter 89

**CHAPTER EIGHTY-NINE**

**(BPOV)**

Clarissa stayed with me for the rest of the night, and her mere presence alone was comforting for me while she slept curled up on my chest. Her head came to rest just below my chin and when I awoke to the smell of pancakes wafting in from the kitchen, I found myself to be actually hungry again. Clarissa slowly stirred along with me and I paused to see Jacob there still fast asleep with his arms wrapped around us both. He'd settled us against him sometime in the night after I'd fallen asleep with her, and it made a slight smile creep into my face at the sight of how peaceful he looked right now.

I leaned myself closer into his side, as Clarissa laid her head on my shoulder while trying to wake up. I could only stare at him, as the memories of our time together made a blush form on my snow white cheeks.

It had been perfect- and despite the painful aftermath- I wouldn't have changed a single thing about our first time together.

I placed a kiss to his cheek just as Charlie made his presence known.

"Hey- look who has her color back this morning? You look so much better, kiddo." He mused to me with a tired grin. "There's a fresh pot of coffee brewing and I just finished with the last batch of blueberry pancakes."

"You cooked?" I replied to him in disbelief, unable to hide the shock written all over my face from this.

"Yes-... I'll have you know that I did cook them- mostly on my own. Okay, Okay, maybe Billy helped me out a little bit." Charlie finally admitted, with a raised eyebrow.

"Sure smells good."

"Well, I'll take that as a compliment coming from the chef herself around here." Charlie sighed, as Billy wheeled himself forward and joined in on the conversation.

"I gotta say, Charlie, you did a good job with whipping up those pancakes." Billy offered up then with a wink to my father before he turned his attention to me. "How are you feeling this morning, Bella? Looks as if some of your color is back already."

"I am feeling a bit better. Thank you." I replied, feeling Clarissa squirm in my arms while she eagerly began to reach for Billy upon hearing his voice.

"That's good! Come here, sweet girl. Come see your grandpa Billy and we'll get you some breakfast, too."

I handed her over to him and he beamed up at her when she let out a giggle, the sound of it enough to wake Jacob. He opened his dark eyes and glanced around with a sleepy expression. "What time is it?"

"About seven, son. There's no rush to get up this morning. You two sit tight and let Charlie and I serve you for a change. Come on, Chief. What do you say we fix these two a plate and get them some java?"

Charlie only chuckled at this as he followed Billy back into the kitchen with Clarissa in tow.

Jacobs words were low and sincere to me once they were gone from sight.

"Still bad this morning, honey?" He asked, placing his warm hand over mine while it rested on my stomach.

I met his hopeful gaze and shook my head to him then.

"It's barely there right now and I haven't had meds since last night. Maybe there really is something to this remedy thing we seem to be for one another?" I lightly teased, trying to calm some of the worry I still saw there in his face this morning.

"I'm really hoping so-" He replied, leaning in to kiss me softly on the lips and lingering there when his hand took hold of mine.

"Me too, Jake-" I thoughtfully countered. "Thank you for being there."

"I'm sorry I wasn't there before. I hate the fact that you were alone with it all that time."

"That was the past. Can't change it but we can grow from it." I offered, lacing my fingers through his with a contented smile.

"Yeah, we can." He agreed, glancing toward the kitchen where Billy and Charlie had taken Clarissa. His eyes fell then and I caught the way his disposition changed suddenly, the very observation of it unnerving to me.

"What is it?" I implored, following his gaze as he focused on Charlie, who was now holding a giggling Clarissa over his head with a wide smile of his own in place.

She truly brought out the very best in those around her and it touched my heart to see.

Jacob sat up with a heavy sigh and brought me with him, his face now filled with a tangible dread.

"Gentry wants a meeting today at the border. He's been calling me and asking for one since our fallout about Lillian."

"-and you're still too angry to see him?" I asked.

"Yes- and no- it's not that-"

"Well if you think you're not ready to face him without fighting, then he'll have to understand that, and give you both the time you need to cool off before-"

Jacob turned his head my way and the devastated look he wore made me stop my thought mid- sentence.

"I'll never be ready- but that's not why. I think you already know what's been running through my head since he told me the truth about the imprint."

A squeal from Clarissa filtered out to us and I struggled to keep the emotion out of my voice for him when I replied.

"Jake...-"

"There's a chance she's not mine, Bella. I'd be a damn idiot not to question it. The signs and timing are all there. Lilly and I tried for a while before we found out we were expecting Clarissa, and after Gentry told me what he did, I just have to know."

I stared back at him and saw the heartbreak that filled his gaze from just his words.

"What can I do?" I asked, leaning in closer to him, and letting my lips gently touch his temple.

Jacob drew in a deep breath and tightened his hold on my hand with his reply then.

"I need a favor, honey. I hate to ask it, but I need your help with this."

"Of course, anything you need. Name it."

"I need to get a paternity test done and I want you to be the one to do it, honey."

His request made my eyes well with tears, and I wrapped my arms around him as he pulled me into a tight hug.

Billy and Charlie came back in with two well rounded plates of food for us and even though I knew they could see the tension on Jacobs face, we all somehow managed to enjoy another nice breakfast together. Once we were all full and another pot of coffee was brewing, Jacob got up and headed outside to cut some more fire wood, his shirtless attire not going unnoticed by Charlie when he did so.

"That's a wolf thing, right?" He chuckled, looking to Billy and I with a stunned expression. "Freaking cold out there and it doesn't bother you?"

Jacob grinned and hung his head at this while he lingered briefly by the front door.

"Yeah, Chief. Sorry to tell you that it is a wolf thing. We don't get cold the same way you do. We run a hot one-hundred and eight degrees. That's our normal body temp."

"Holy crap, son! No wonder you're so opposed to wearing a shirt." Charlie laughed, but all I could do was blush in response, my mind automatically going through the slew of vivid memories from our night together, and remembering just how perfect the rest of him was.

Billy noticed my reaction and thankfully took some form of pity on me.

"Alright, Alright. Get going." Billy hedged, as Jacob left the house and closed the door swiftly behind him.

I spent the rest of the morning cleaning up the house and myself, and after a long hot shower, I was beginning to feel more and more like me again.

I was in the middle of dressing Clarissa, and fixing her a bottle for lunch when Billy wheeled himself in behind me and started up a conversation.

"I see you're packed?" He hedged to me with a grin, noticing the bulging suitcase placed in the corner of my crowded room.

"Well, somewhat." I replied, as I finished buttoning up Clarissa's pink sweater and lifted her from my bed. "I still have a lot more to do, but I'll get there."

"You seem excited to be moving back to Forks. I know we are all happy to have you coming back with us after all this time."

"I am, Billy. I still need to go into Pen Bay and give my official notice. I plan to do that tomorrow. They'll need to be on the look out for my replacement in the coming weeks."

He nodded and met my gaze with a sincere expression then.

"I can't tell you how good it is to see that sunny smile on your pretty face these days. Been a long time since I've seen that. Happiness sure looks good on you."

"Thank you, Billy." I replied, placing Clarissa in his lap.

"You seem a bit better than last night." He carefully observed.

"I'm getting there. I'm glad you and Charlie had a good night away. I told you the Harbour was wonderful this time of year. So much to see and do."

"It was a lot more fun than we expected and it was nice to have a long chat. Gave us the chance to clear the air more. Would never want to lose your dad's valued friendship over all this. I think that's what scared me the most when we told him the truth."

"Charlie took it much better than I ever thought he would. I think your friendship is pretty rock solid Billy."

"Yeah, seems to be. I love your dad like my own brother."

I smiled at him and ran my fingertips through Clarissa's hair as Billy's gaze wandered over me. I could sense that there was more he wasn't saying and it left me a bit anxious.

"Something troubling you, Billy?"

"That obvious, huh?" He asked.

"Maybe a little."

Billy cleared his throat and looked down at Clarissa before he began, his tone nothing but earnest with me now.

"I know you believe in medicine for the passionate profession you've dedicated the past ten years of your life to, but sometimes, medicine can only take us so far."

His words were loaded with a double meaning I picked up on right away and it took me only another brief moment before I started to understand where he was going with our talk.

"I believe in both, Billy. One maybe more than the other. I saw how bad Jacob was after that accident. Seeing him like that...-" I shuddered and closed my eyes from the memory before finding my voice again to continue on with him. "He was barely hanging on and I'd never felt so helpless or scared in my life."

"When he was at his worst, your team helped him. The doctors and nurses- they all did their part- especially you. But looking back now, would you say that the medicine they gave him aided in his recovery?"

"Of course." I stated, looking to him in confusion.

"More than a real connection that can't be medically explained? Cause if you were to tell me that one outweighed the other, I'd simply ask you if there was any real part of you that still believes it can be done again?"

I looked into his wise eyes, seeing so much of Jacobs own gaze reflected there and it made me pause before I gave him my true answer.

"You're referring to the imprint, aren't you?"

"Yes, I am."

"I was always taught in medical school to believe what's medically and scientifically in front of you. What's in the proof - you know?"

"I can understand that, Bella."

"-and there's no logical proof for this or reasoning that anyone would be able to put some kind of blind faith behind that which they cannot see or physically touch- and that's what the imprint is. Essentially it's not tangible and while I know that- I also know that when I'm with Jacob, my pain is better. Sometimes non-existent, but then it shows back up and it just reminds me that I'm not free from it."

"Not yet-"

His simple reply made me look to him again and I could see the conviction there in his eyes.

"Billy-"

"Do you believe, Bella? Really believe?"

I went silent at this as my gaze fell on Jacob who came into the room just as Billy finished asking me this question.

**A/N: Hey guys! I'm sorry for the lack of updates over the weekend, but I hope you enjoy this one tonight! Thank you for reading and please leave a review with your thoughts on everything. Should Jacob go through with the paternity test? And will Bella truly believe in the healing from the imprint for her? Till tomorrow guys! Take care!**


	90. Chapter 90

**CHAPTER NINETY**

**(JPOV)**

I caught the very last end of the conversation between my father and Bella and before making my presence known, I lingered there just outside the door, already feeling a bit guilty for eavesdropping on their talk.

"...-essentially it's not tangible and while I know that-I also know that when I'm with Jacob, my pain is better. Sometimes non-existent, but then it shows back up and it just reminds me that I'm not free from it."

I held my breath at this, as my mind went over how bad off she'd been just hours ago. I hated seeing her in that much pain and it made me wonder how the hell she'd tolerated it all on her own for as long as she had.

"Not yet-"

I could hear the solid hope that was evident there in his tone with her when he responded and I knew that she could, too.

"Billy-" Bella countered, as I pushed away from the wall and stepped into the room with them.

"Do you believe, Bella? Really believe?"

She looked to me before she could bring herself to respond, and I saw the timid way her gaze fell to the floor again, as if she were afraid to believe that there could be an end to her suffering after all these years.

After a few more fleeting seconds of her deafening silence, she raised her head and held my gaze there in the doorway, her pale cheeks filling with a beautiful rosy color when she spoke her meek reply.

"I believe in Jacob- in us- in what the two of us have together."

"That's enough, dear girl. That's enough." Billy told her, as he wheeled himself over to me with Clarissa. I took one look at her and felt my heart shatter all over again- for what seemed like the tenth time today already.

Lately, I found it hard for me to not study her features a little more closely than I ever had before. I could see so much of myself and Lilly there, but right now, I couldn't help but wonder if that was nothing more than my wishful thinking. My minds way of creating a proven outward confirmation of the fact that she really was mine.

In my heart and soul she was. I had never known any truer form of love than when she was born. It turned my whole world upside down and in the best way. I wouldn't have traded a single sleepless night for anything less. While it was true that some of the pack - mainly Paul and Embry- were still hell bent on seeing how many one night stands they could acquire before reaching thirty, I was more content to be at home putting Clarissa to bed for the night. I found out that things change when you have a little girl of your own. You see things in a different way and it alters your perspective about almost everything in life. Things that used to roll off my shoulders, like some of wild stories from Pauls many conquests at the local bar, now unnerved me, because that nameless, barely legal, bombshell blonde he talked about taking in any way but backwards, was someone's daughter. Trust me, this line of thinking wasn't hidden from the pack, cause nothing could be, and I definitely caught my fair share of hell for it from the guys. Well, all of them with the exception of Sam and Seth. Sue had raised him with a real sense of respect and he never gave me shit like the others. Sometimes he'd even add in his own two cents, claiming all of them would have a change of heart once they had a daughter of their own someday and to lay off me for a bit. I was proud of the man Seth had turned into and I knew Harry would have been too.

I lifted Clarissa out of Billy's arms and kissed her forehead as a tension filled silence settled over Bella's room.

I knew the question was coming, but it didn't take the sting out of it when it finally did arrive from my father.

"You meeting Gentry today?"

"Yeah." I managed, struggling to clear the lump from my throat and ease the tightness in my chest from his seemingly simple question.

I could only look down at Clarissa's sweet face while Bella got to her feet and handed her one of her favorite toy rattles. Clarissa shook it with a dimpled grin that mirrored my own and I forced a smile back to her in return.

"What time, son?"

"Soon."

"Do you want me to fix you something to eat before you go?" Bella kindly offered, her face full of the same kind of worry that had been plaguing my own all damn day.

"No, honey. Thanks though. Don't have much of an appetite right now. Maybe later?"

"Sure." She replied, leaning up on her tip toes and pressing her soft lips to mine. I drew her into my side and kissed her back with a little too much eagerness for my fathers liking. The sound of his throat clearing made Bella blush again once I released her.

"Hey now. That's enough. Still here in the room, you know." Billy teased and Bella merely shook her head at his antics, before she left the room to make something for lunch for everyone else.

Once she was gone from listening range, Billy wheeled himself closer to me and glanced up at me with an anxious look.

"Need me to come with you? I would you know?" He offered.

"I know you would, but no dad. I think that would only make this worse. No disrespect." I countered, as he nodded to me in silent understanding.

I had only told Billy a few of the major details about my time at Gentrys while I was healing, and he wasn't surprised when I told him about the imprint between he and Lilly. He claimed that given the pull between them, Lilly would have been hard pressed to fight it, but that this didn't excuse their sneaking around for as long as they had. As furious as I was at first, given the few days since learning the truth I'd had to mull it over some more, I couldn't bring myself to truly hate Gentry for his actions. This was mainly because not only was he my brother, but I already knew deep down that if Bella had come back into my life before she did, it would've been beyond difficult for me to keep away from her. Even if I knew it was dead wrong. Damn, she would've made it hard to stay faithful and that made me no different than Gentry if I was being honest.

"You really think there's a chance-

"Yeah, I do. Hard to ignore what's right in front of you." I tensely replied to Billy, noting the grim returning look he gave me.

"I know that boy hates me, but I don't feel the same way about him. He's my son, too."

"That's why I think you should stay as far out of this whole mess as possible. If it gets ugly, I don't want you guilt ridden over not sticking on my side-"

"I am always on your side-" Billy adamantly countered.

"You can't do that in this case and you know why-"

Billy dropped his head and looked away from me at this, his eyes full of true regret with his reply.

"You don't know how much I wish I could go back and erase what I did. Cheating on your mother almost cost me everything, and that's not your fault or Gentry's. But Jacob, hear me when I tell you this, if things get bad, you know where my loyalty is and I'll go to the grave with it."

He released my arm and headed for the kitchen then, where Bella and Charlie were, leaving me with his parting words to ponder as I mentally geared up to make the run toward the border.

I knew Gentry would already be waiting for me there when I arrived.

I took a few more minutes in Bella's room to silently collect my thoughts and when a pair of arms soon encircled me from behind, I closed my eyes and took comfort in her closeness.

"I can't imagine what you're thinking or feeling-" Bella began, resting her head against my back, as I gazed to the floor where her suitcase was placed.

"I don't want to do this." I admitted, my tone strained and hoarse now.

I felt her arms tighten around me and for the second time now, I was reminded of how she held me together in ways I didn't think she was even aware of.

"I hate this for you. I do- but if you don't push the issue with him and find out, you'll always wonder in the back of your mind what the truth is. I don't want that for you, either."

My chest painfully tightened when she said this and I swallowed hard while trying to ignore the unease that was making me nauseated to think about.

Bella moved herself out in front of me at my silence, her hands reaching up to tenderly cradle my face and redirect my gaze to hers.

"If she's not mine, if we do the test and it turns out that she's his-..." I couldn't bring myself to finish the thought then, my words feeling permanently stuck, as my mind pushed forward the unwanted images of how this could all play out.

"You don't know that-... don't do that to yourself-" She whispered, as her steady gaze searched mine. "We're gonna believe that she's yours until proven otherwise."

I drew in a heavy breath as Bella leaned up and wrapped her arms around my neck, her closeness enough to pull me back from the brink of an all out anxiety attack.

"I'm not strong enough for this-" I choked out to her.

"You don't have to be. That's what I'm here for." She softly countered, as my arms pulled her up against me in the kind of tight hug that made me recall all the times when we were teenagers, and I felt like my whole world was crumbling beneath me. She was all I craved at that time. The sound of her voice back then had been enough to stop that raging sea in me, and to this day, it still was.

It always would be.

She was what made sense to me, even when I couldn't make sense of myself sometimes.

"I'd be lost without you, Bells."

"Same." She whispered, as she reluctantly pulled back, the feel of her breath against my mouth enough to make me briefly lose my focus. I drew her lips to mine and heard her breath hitch when my hand slid further up her back and went into her hair. Our kiss was long and languid, and after a few more minutes, I started to forget that we weren't alone like before.

Her feet left the ground when I pulled her further up my body, her slim frame pressed tightly to mine as her tongue met my own with a whimper that sent heat coursing through me. I backed us up and pressed her into the wall, as my hand caught hold of the door and swung it closed with one push.

She wrapped her legs around my waist and in that moment, I wanted her more than my next breath.

The sound of footsteps heading down the hall, stopped us cold then and Bella pried herself away from me. She slowly slid down my body while I hesitantly placed her back on her feet. There was a knock to the door, followed by Charlie's voice and I tried like hell to ignore the obvious affect she had on me.

Hell, was I aching for more of her again. I shook my head and cleared the haze from my mind the best I could.

"Hey, Bella. The oven timer is going off. Want me to pull out that chicken casserole for you?"

I held back a chuckle and reached for her while she buried her face into my chest with her answer to him.

"Yes, dad. I'll be right there."

"Never a dull moment." I mused, kissing her once more before opening the door as Charlie walked away. "I'll be back before dinner, honey."

"Okay, I'll be thinking of you. It's gonna be okay, Jake."

I nodded as we parted ways then and headed for the outdoors. I tore off for the snowy forest and phased mid-run. My paws pounded the snow as I flew with new speed through the trail that took me straight to the Maine border. I'd run this section of forest so many times now that I could do so with my eyes closed if I had to.

It wasn't long before Gentry's mind linked with mine and he came into view ahead of me. I slowed my run when I saw him, his massive bear frame pacing back and forth beneath a large tree that hugged the border there.

_"-bout time you showed._" He asserted, his tone hostile with me when I got closer.

"_You're damn lucky I came at all_."

"_I left you a half a dozen messages-"_ He huffed my way.

_"I got them all. Why the hell do you think I'm here?_" I bit back with a low snarl.

"_Are we gonna fight like before, cause if that's what you want, you know I'm more than ready._" Gentry roared and I eagerly took on his challenge, my ears laid fully back as we came head to head.

_"So am I."_

"_Fine, come on, Jake_!" He huffed, swiping one of his massive paws in the snow beneath us.

I sunk down further then with snarls coming from me as he met my angry glare. I was ready to attack him when Clarissa's face suddenly came to the forefront of my mind, effectively stopping us both. Gentry huffed loudly and pulled away first, his stance of defense sharply changing when the shared thought reached him.

He misread it, and I watched the anger for me leave him in an instant as he stepped forward again.

_"What's wrong with Clarissa? Is she sick_-"

I inwardly cringed at his worried tone for her, the sound of it striking a nerve in me.

He cared for her.

"_No- she's not sick. She's home with Bella. Nothing's wrong with her_." I clarified.

Gentry shook his massive head at me and hunkered down in front of the tree then, his gaze still somewhat hostile when it met mine.

_"-but she's the real reason why you came here to meet me_...-" He began.

"_You know why I'm here. Don't pretend for my benefit that you don't." I_ _snapped._

_"I wanted you here so we could finally put this to rest. I don't want things to be like this with us. You're all the family I've got._"

I tore my gaze from his, unable to respond and letting my memories through our shared mind do all the talking for me instead.

Lillian came first, her face glowing when she told me we were pregnant, followed by the day she went into labor with Clarissa. The memories were fast, but easy to follow, and they led all the way up to our accident, and ended with the fallout we'd had just days prior at his house.

Gentry huffed profusely as I held his gaze, his sturdy stance faltering some under the weight of the memories for him.

"_What? What the hell are you trying to say? Huh? You-... You think Clarissa is mine?_"

His tone was laced with a shock that left me angry, as if he hadn't pondered it before.

I nodded once with a returning growl and started to back away from him when he charged forward.

_"She is your daughter, Jake."_

That did it, his arrogance pushed me to the edge and I lunged for him, plowing us both into to snow. We rolled and rolled again until I got the upper hand and tore away a chunk of his fur. He pushed me off into the base of the large tree and it knocked the wind out of me.

_"Like you've never considered the idea-..._" I yelled, getting back on my feet as we started to circle each other with menacing snarls that echoed out around _us._

_"Considered it, yes. But that doesn't mean-"_

"_Timing is spot on, Gentry. I won't pretend like you have."_

_"I'm not pretending and even if it was the case, you and I both damn well know that I'm not father material like you are. She belongs with you. End of story."_

I was ready to lose it when I retreated from him and phased back to human form, pulling on my tattered cut offs and seeing him do the same as we both stepped out of the tree cover at the same time.

I was tired of having this discussion through our linked minds alone and wanted to do it face to face now.

_"_Are you telling me that you've had a suspicion all along about Clarissa being yours, but didn't act on it for the sole fact that you didn't want the responsibility?" I fumed, my tone lethal with him.

"No- yes- I mean-I don't know!" He half yelled to me.

"Which is it?"

"Yes, I've thought about it being a possibility, but there's no way-"

"There is a way!" I snapped, closing the large distance between us in three long strides and bringing us nose to nose.

"You're her father. It takes more than just DNA to be someone's dad! She is where she should be. With you."

"I want a paternity test done and you're gonna give me one. For Clarissa's sake, too." I demanded, seething pissed with him.

"No fucking way." He sourly countered. "You're crazy! Last I checked, you need willing participants for that all the way around, and I am not doing it. Lilly wouldn't want-"

"You don't know what she'd want." I bit back. "and one way or another, we're getting it done. I have to know, Gentry!"

"You just can't be content, can you!? Let it be, Jake! She's loved and cared for by you! Her father! That role isn't mine and it never would be no matter what the hell a damn paternity test showed! DNA is just one factor and part of being someone's father. Look at me! Look at my life! Shit, I can barely keep myself together and my head above water with the farm as it is. That's no place for a child! No way to be brought up!"

I staggered back a few steps from his angered reply, my hands balled tightly into fists while his words registered to me.

"Are you saying you don't want to know!?" I huffed to him in disbelief. "-because you don't want her?"

Gentry's face fell at this and he started to turn from me. He only got a few feet before I grabbed his arm and halted his steps.

"Don't-..." He seethed to me in warning, but I didn't listen. I stepped in front of him, my whole body shaking with tremors now.

"That's exactly what you're saying. That you don't want her. What the hell is wrong with you!?"

"I told you! I'm not a father! Never will be. So, you can save us all the heartache and time and just stop with all this bullshit about her being mine. Clarissa is your daughter and that's the way it will stay. If you think I'm gonna do some kind of blood test and that I'd want to take her from you as a result, you're wrong. I know Lilly would want what's best for Clarissa, and that's you, Jake. I don't need any test to tell me that_."_

_"_You don't care about anyone but yourself!" I accused, seeing the anger in his face as he moved himself closer to me.

"Don't you think I know what's going to happen next? You're going to go back to Washington with Bella. The two of you will finally have the kind of life you should have had all along and Jake, you'll be able to give Clarissa the home she damn well deserves. Anything else isn't even worth giving a thought to. So yeah, I guess that makes me selfish to want such a life for her!"

_He_ turned away from me then and swiftly started to leave, but I spoke up again before he could vanish from sight.

"She deserves to know, Gentry. Just like you did! And as much as it kills me to say this to you, don't deny her that. You don't want her to grow up and be in the same miserable and unhappy place you are with Billy, and it could happen. Cause no matter the kind of life I give her, when she gets older, she'll start to sense that something is missing and she'll come looking for you. So, please...- will you just swallow your damn selfish pride and do this for her... for Lilly. If not for anything else."

Gentry paused then and was silent for a few more moments. I felt my jaw clench when he looked over his shoulder with his parting words to me seconds before he phased back again.

"It was good to see you, Jake. Take care of Bella and Clarissa. I know you will. Safe travels back to Washington when you leave."

**A/N: Thank you for reading this and please leave your thoughts in a review about Gentry and Jacobs heated exchange in this chapter. Where should Jacob go from here? :-) Find out more tomorrow... till then my lovely readers... till then!**


	91. Chapter 91

**CHAPTER NINETY-ONE**

**(BPOV)**

I held my breath as I pulled into the crowded parking garage at Pen Bay and swiftly headed inside. My impromptu trip in had been a last minute thought for me.

Jacob wouldn't be back from his meeting with Gentry for at least another hour and I had put this whole thing off now for long enough.

The double doors parted and I was greeted with Natalie's beaming grin as she tossed the clipboard in her hands down on the nurses desk and headed my way.

"Hey you! I didn't realize you were scheduled for today? Last time I checked, you're not working an overnight shift until after the New Year." She mused to me.

"Yeah, I know I'm dropping in for another reason-" I hedged, nervously gathering my hair in my hands and securing it into a high bun on my head.

"Oh- Well- Dr. Niles is off today if you had a meeting with him? He will be back in tomorrow."

"No, No. It's not that." I assured her.

Natalie's glasses slid lower down on her nose and she eyed me curiously, her pretty white smile fading when she took in my countenance.

"You know you've been the talk around here since the Christmas Ball. We had a lot of fun that night, but uh- that's not what the topic of gossip has been around the ER these days." She informed me then.

"Oh, really? Nothing better to discuss around here than little old me, huh?" I smiled in return to her.

"Yeah, and something tells me that you're here to maybe confirm some of them?"

"That depends on what they are." I countered, as she tugged lightly on my arm and pulled me behind the nurses station.

"Well, I'll give you a hint. The rumors are about you and a certain man in town -he's tall- deadly handsome- and has an intoxicating grin whenever he sees you. Ring a bell, Bella?"

I could only chuckle and blush at her remark as she laughed along with me.

"Maybe some of them are true." I softly confirmed, losing most of the humor in my carefree tone with her when I looked up and saw the emotion swimming in her gaze.

"So- we are losing you." She heavily sighed. "Guess they weren't far off the mark?"

I slowly shook my head and reached for her when she began to cry.

"Natalie, don't start or I'll start crying and then we'll both be a mess for the rest of the day."

"I can't help it! I'm going to miss you so very much. Are you sure that leaving is what you really want to do? Not that I'm trying to talk you out of it or anything, I just wish you would stay." She tearfully admitted.

"I'm sure, Nat. I'm gonna miss this place and all of you so much, but it is what I truly want."

She released me at the sound of Callie's voice calling over to us as she came in through the ambulance bay. She was limping but she was back to light duty at work and it made me smile to see her doing so much better.

"Look who showed up for work a few days early!" Callie stated, with a smirk and a raised eyebrow. She already knew why I was really here. We'd been texting on and off over Christmas, and I'd already filled her in on where I was headed after the New Year.

"Tina working with you today?"

"Yes, she is. She'll be trailing in here after me in just a second." Callie replied, throwing her arm around me with a dreaded sigh of her own. "Tell me you changed your mind since our last text convo?"

"Afraid not." I tearfully admitted to her. "My time here is up. Got to move on sometime."

"I'd like to be angry at Jacob for taking you away from us, but the truth is, I wouldn't want to give you over to anyone else. If you were leaving here for any other reason, you know I'd try like hell to talk you out of it, but I can see it. You two have something most of us only dream about. Keeping miles between you just wouldn't be right. Besides, I happen to have his number and I texted him just yesterday about taking care of you while you're away from us. He promised me he would and call me crazy, but I actually believe him."

I struggled to keep myself together when Tina drew near to us then, her face falling when she saw my tears.

"This is really happening?" She asked, pulling me into a tight embrace. "You're leaving us for Washington?"

"I have to. It's time."

"I know." She thoughtfully countered. "Doesn't mean I have to like it."

I chuckled and wiped my tears as I glanced around the ER, seeing the place I had called my second home for years now, and knowing that no other hospital would ever be able to take it's place. All of us had become like family here at Pen Bay Medical, and it made my heart heavy to know that this would be the last time I'd ever stride in through those double doors.

"He loves you, that Jake...-" Natalie commented, handing me a few tissues.

"Course he does. It was written all over his face at the Christmas Ball. Everyone could see it." Tina added, keeping a tight arm around my shoulder. "But we love you, too. You'll always have a place here, Bella. No matter what. You just call us if you ever wanna come back. I know that's not my call to make really, but we'd all put in a good word for you. This place won't be the same without you. I'm gonna miss our midnight coffee runs to the cafeteria, and our before dawn breakfast at the Blue Moon diner across the street, but I'm so damn happy for you."

I silently nodded as Callie added in her own thoughts next.

"We all are. Whoever gets you, will be one lucky place, and I'm already jealous of them." She thoughtfully mused, gesturing toward the locker rooms. "Have you collected everything from in there yet?"

"No...- I still have more packing to do at home, too." I admitted.

"Come on, Swan. We'll help you out."

We all spent the next hour cleaning out my over filled locker, reminiscing about some of our better times together, and recalling some of our most terrifying times in this ER. There was laughter, joking, memories and lots of tears before I eventually emerged with a loaded box that was piled high with all of my things.

Callie carefully peeled off all the photos I had placed on the locker door, some of them warn now, but still treasured to me. I set the box down on the nurses station and stilled when she handed me the small pile of photos, the last one causing Tina to lean in closer and observe the captured moment taken years ago.

"Jake looks good in long hair." She stated to me with a grin. "-and that smile you have on in this photo, I think I finally saw it back on your face for the first time when the two of you were dancing the other night. How old were the two of you here?"

"Barely eighteen." I replied. "My dad took this one the Summer before I left to start College here on the East coast. We were just kids then. Feels like a lifetime ago."

"Time sure goes by fast. Never too late to start over again, though." Callie hedged, as she lifted the box from the floor for me.

I reached in my back pocket and retrieved the folded written resignation there. I had finished it after Jacob had left to meet Gentry this morning. I handed it over to Natalie and she filed it away at the desk with a dreaded expression.

"I'll be sure it gets in the right hands, Bella." She assured me, while Callie and Tina headed toward the exit with me.

"Take care of yourself, Natalie. Don't be a stranger. You have my number, too. Call me anytime. I want to stay in touch with all of you. I mean that."

"I promise you, I will. See you around sometime?"

"Yeah, I'll be back to visit in the Summer months." I replied to her with a final wave as we all drew closer to the exit now.

"I hate goodbye's." Tina sighed. "You know that. So, I won't say goodbye to you, instead, I'll just say... see you later, friend?"

"I like that better." I admitted, hugging both her and Callie tightly and voicing my final request to them before leaving. "I have a small favor to ask you before I go?"

"Of course, what is it?" Tina hedged, looking to Callie with a curious gaze.

"I can't get into the details, but I need this to be kept a secret?"

"Okay, now you're scaring me a bit here-" Tina replied. "You've never been one to be big on secrecy."

"Yeah well, I'm asking now. So please- give me your word that this will stay between us."

"Deal." Tina offered up first.

"I'm on board. Whatever it is." Callie readily agreed next.

I took a second to glance around once more to be sure that no one was listening to our conversation before I continued on.

"I need a way to get a paternity test done." I softly told them.

"A paternity test?" Callie echoed in confusion, her eyes wide from my request now.

"What's going on, Bella?" Tina added.

"It's not my news to tell so-"

They both shared an uneasy look and I knew this went far outside their comfort zone.

"This is for Clarissa, isn't it?" Callie asked then.

"Can you help me? Dr. Niles could send for the lab work, and I could get Jacob and Clarissa here as early as tomorrow morning if needed."

"We can speak to Natalie about his schedule for sure. We'll text you when she lets us know what time he's going to be in tomorrow. But, you may want to get here before he's scheduled for shift. He can run the lab order himself after the test is done. You know how these things tend to go. There's either the RFLP or a Buccal scrap done. The range of accuracy for them is higher one over the other, but generally, it's almost ninety-nine percent accurate with whatever way you go."

"You'd need a clean sample of course." Tina added.

I nodded, mentally going over the ways that this could work, given Jacobs probable and unknown cellular difference from the shifter gene he carried, and silently pondering how much this could impact the overall result. Technicians used various methods to extract DNA from cell samples and I worried what the findings would be. The complete process would make copies of 16-18 genetic markers to be used for paternity. From my own studies in medical school, I knew that each person would have different sizes or lengths of DNA fragments at each Genetic System. Both Gentry and Jacob would carry the same variances because of their ability to shift.

"Bella?" Tina soon called to me again, snapping her fingers to get my attention with a weary look. "Is there more to this or-? You seem distracted and really worried."

I shook my head as Callie's gaze met mine. I tried to pretend that this would be a run of the mill kind of paternity test, but feared they could both see clean through my act.

"No, I'm fine. Just want to do this right. I know I'm asking a lot from the both of you to keep this under wraps with Natalie and Doctor Niles, but you don't know what it means to me that you're willing to help with this. I trust the two of you the most."

"I owe Jacob. For sure. He saved my ass, you know. Whatever we can do to help, Bella." Callie sincerely replied, before she picked up the large box that held my things and headed outside with me to my car. I hugged Tina once more and waved while I followed behind Callie. Once we reached my car she placed the heavy box in the backseat for me and narrowed her gaze some.

"Is there a chance Jacob isn't her father, Bella? That someone else is? Cause...- in the cases I've seen, that shit never ends with anything but heartache and loss. Well, most of them anyway. I would hate that for both Clarissa and Jacob... and you-"

I looked down at the snow covered ground under my feet, already knowing she could see that there were evident parts of this whole thing that I wasn't being honest with her about.

"Callie, it's so complicated, and I would tell you... -but I literally can't. You just have to trust me with this one." I replied.

"Okay, if that's all you're asking from me, you know I can do that, but I will offer you some advice?"

"Please do. I could use some."

"If there's another reason why that worried look has been plaguing your pretty face ever since you asked us to keep this test under wraps, then maybe it would be better for all parties involved if you took the less official approach. In the last few years, they've stepped up the game a lot in home testing kits. You can purchase one yourself online. Have it shipped right to your door and no one would be the wiser. Mind you, they can be a bit pricey. Some of the better ones can be over a hundred, but you do get what you pay for."

I stared back at her with this, curiously wondering how she would know the accuracy of such a test herself. Callie laughed at my dumbfounded expression and hurriedly went on to explain herself a little better.

"... yeah, okay. So, you may be thinking how the hell would I know this? Well, I'll tell you. My sister doesn't always make the best choices in men and her last husband was a real ass. He abused her and when my niece was born last Fall, we had to know if he was her father and what rights he could have to her. I purchased an at home kit for her. Come to find out, that jerk wasn't her father after all. A trip to Pen Bay and another paternity test done here later revealed that her coworker Mathew was. Trust me when I tell you this, it was for the best. They may not be together now, but they raise my niece with nothing but love in both households. It all worked out in the end."

The more she explained this to me, the more I began to realize that the idea of an at home test sounded far more safe to me than the alternative. For everyone who was involved.

"Thank you for telling me that. I think you've given me something to ponder, Callie." I truthfully admitted, closing the back door to my car and noticing the saddened look she now wore from my impending departure of this place.

"You're welcome. I'm the one who should be thanking you. Jacob wasn't the only one who saved me that day. I owe you too, you know. So, if something arises with this and you really need someone, you know I'm always in your corner. Pen Bay won't feel the same without you here. Not even close, but I wish you nothing but the best back in Washington, Bella. I know you'll do great, no matter where you end up."

I pulled her into a hug, as my emotion returned from her kind words to me.

"You inspire me, Callie. In more ways than you'll ever know. I'm so thankful that I got to work with you all this time. You made my days better more often than not and you always pushed me to be true to myself, even when it scared the hell out of me. So, thank you for that."

"I've loved having you here with us. You will be greatly missed. We have to stay in touch, okay? None of this promising to still be close but only calling each other on holidays!" She chuckled, as she released me.

"Okay, I will call you and Tina. Every week. We'll stay close." I told her, as I retreated around to the drivers side of my car and climbed in. Callie stood there in the falling snow as I backed out of my parking space and glanced toward the entrance of the hospital for a final time.

Hot tears burned my eyes and my lower lip began to tremble as I hit the gas for home. In my rearview, I caught the disappearing sight of Callie's wave while I drove away from the place I'd given my all to for so many years.

My throat constricted as my stored tears continued to flow, and the sobs came when I reached the highway, my speed nearing eighty as I flew down the snowy road.

I couldn't stop thinking of all the times I had shared in that hospital, and just what a huge part of myself I would be leaving behind once I left Maine in a few short days. The road took a winding turn when I exited the freeway, and I felt the tires begin to slide from a loss of traction. My car spun and I slammed on the brakes, as I veered over to the side of the road. My tires continued to slide and I let out a scream, as the tree ahead of me came closer and closer. I covered my face and felt the car suddenly come to a jarring holt, throwing me hard against my seat. I heard the crunching metal and dared to look out my windshield at the sight ahead of me.

I blinked in disbelief as Gentry stood from his crouched position against the dented hood of my car, his stance faltering some as he moved himself away from the wreck and around to my door. He threw it open as I tried to undo my jammed seatbelt. My shaking hands finally found the right release button and when the belt let me loose, he pulled me from the seat quicker than I could react. I stumbled out of the car with him, my gaze swiftly going to the blood that was dripping down his left arm.

"Hey- you alright?" He asked, looking me over as I tried to wrap my head around what just happened.

"How did you- where-where were you-" I stammered, my words unsteady and jumbled together with him as he took hold of me by the shoulders and leaned me against the car.

"Take a minute. Your body is flooding with adrenaline right now. It will fade in a few more minutes. I just left my meeting with Jake and I saw you exiting the freeway."

I looked around at the dense tree cover on either side of us, and reached up as my head started to throb. Blood covered my fingertips as I pulled my hand away.

Gentry stepped forward, and looked at the side of my head, his gaze not alarmed when he reached down and tore a section of his cut offs away with a firm flick of his wrist.

"Damn it...-" I muttered, when he leaned in and pressed the denim to my head with enough pressure to stop the bleeding. "Tell me I don't need stitches?"

"No, it doesn't look that bad. Just a minor cut. Clean it good when you get back home. Should heal up just fine. You were flying around that corner. Sharp turn to take that fast."

"I was distracted." I timidly admitted, noticing the nod he gave me when I tried to find my balance again.

"Don't rush it. Sit here a while. You could have a concussion."

"I know the drill." I tensely reminded him. "But thanks."

"I bet I can get your car out of the ditch without needing to call a wrecker. Jake will freak if he finds out you-"

"Don't call him." I hurriedly replied. "You'll scare the hell out of him, especially with-"

Gentry inhaled sharply and a slight wince formed there on his face before I could even finish the thought.

"I won't call him, but I'll get you up and running again. Might even be able to pop out some of that dent. It's mainly surface. Sorry, but connecting with me was a hell of a lot better than connecting with the base of that tree ahead of you."

"You're faster than the others?" I observed, keeping the piece of denim pressed to my cut as I watched him maneuver around the front of my car.

"Sometimes... not always."

Within a few more minutes, Gentry had backed the car out of the ditch and was working on the dent as if nothing had ever happened.

I rose up on my feet, feeling some of the dizziness fade from me as he approached with a worried glance my way.

"Headache?"

"A little. It'll fade. I'm alright."

"Let me drive you back home. Your house is less than five miles up the road. I'd feel better if you let me?"

I nodded and got in the car with him as he started the engine. To my surprise, the overall damage had been minimal and the car seemed to run just fine, despite my near miss with the tree.

"Jake can take a look under the hood if it starts to act up at all. May need a bit of fine tuning, but it will be alright."

I couldn't bring myself to answer him and was silent while we made our way back to my house.

**A/N: I hope you enjoyed this update. Please leave your thoughts in a review and thank you again for your support if this story. I hope all of you are safe and enjoying your day. **


	92. Chapter 92

**CHAPTER NINETY-TWO**

**(BPOV)**

We were almost to the road that led to my house before I told Gentry to turn around and take me back to Pen Bay. I was still dizzy, and despite the constant pressure I was holding to the gash on my forehead, the blood continued to soak through the faded piece of denim.

"Maybe you do need a few stitches after all? Should be stopping by now." Gentry sighed, as he turned us back onto the freeway again. I felt ridiculous when I dialed Callie and told her about the minor accident. She was relieved to know I was alright and agreed it would be best to have me looked at before going back home. I knew by my profession that head injuries, no matter how apparently minor they may seem at first, was nothing to mess around with.

Callie was kind enough to assure me that she would keep this whole embarrassing incident on the down low and I thanked her immensely for it.

"Sorry for this-" I offered to Gentry, as he steadily merged ahead into the rush hour traffic. "I know it's a pain."

"Don't be sorry. Rather have you checked and be safe than sorry. Besides, I'm pretty damn sure Jake would have my ass if I ever let something happen to you."

"Probably." I agreed, glancing out the window as I debated on calling him myself.

"You know, we may still get back to your place before he does?"

"I'm not sure. He's supposed to be back around dinner. Even if they see me quickly at Pen Bay, the chances of me being able to hide this gash are pretty low. I don't want to alarm him."

"Why don't we see how long it takes to get you all stitched up and once your cleared, we can call him on the way back." Gentry countered. "Sound good?"

"Okay, but if it takes any longer than an hour, I have to call him. He'll worry if I don't." I replied, as we drove back through town.

"Deal." Gentry agreed.

Callie was there when we arrived and she met us just inside the ER doors with Dr. Niles at her side. He was quick to usher us into one of the nearest open exam rooms with a suture kit already in place and waiting for me.

"That's a decent gash you got there." Callie worriedly observed, while she eyed Gentry who was in the corner of the room, looking as if he wanted to be anywhere else.

"This won't take very long. I think a butterfly stitch will do just fine and leave little to no scar." Dr. Niles added, while he carefully started to clean the cut a few inches below my hairline. "Are you nauseated or dizzy? Any confusion?"

"A little." I truthfully answered, noticing the way Callie was still looking toward Gentry, her gaze more than just a bit curious now.

"Alright, let's get this sutured first and I'll send for a head CT."

I nodded and closed my eyes while he prepared himself for the suture.

Within a few minutes, Dr. Niles was done and placing a small bandage over the closed gash.

"She'll be okay, right?" Gentry asked, the concern in his tone easy to hear when he finally spoke up.

"We'll know more once she has a CT and we get the results. My main concern would be a slight concussion." Dr. Niles clarified to him, before he left the room with a chart in hand.

Callie met my gaze with a puzzled expression and I hurriedly introduced them before she could draw any kind of wrong conclusion.

"Callie, this is Gentry Jones. He's Jacobs brother."

I saw her eyes soften some at this when she reached out her hand to him.

"Hi, I'm Callie. Bella and I work together- well, we used to." She sadly replied. "So, brother, huh? Yeah, I can definitely see that resemblance."

"I live here in Maine. Have a farm a few miles away." Gentry replied. "It's nice to meet you, Callie. If you're okay for now Bella, I think I'll head outside and wait for you in the car if that's alright?"

"That's fine. I shouldn't be too much longer." I replied.

"Okay, I'll be parked out front waiting for you."

We watched him leave and when he was finally gone from sight, Callie let out a heavy sigh and pulled me into a tight hug.

"Man, you've only been gone a few hours and already this happens?" She lightly teased me with a playful smirk.

"Yeah, I'm not known for grace or good timing." I admitted, gently touching the bandage and looking around the exam room. Things were still a bit fuzzy but the dizziness was beginning to fade from me now.

"What the hell happened?" Callie asked.

"I was distracted and took a corner too fast. I knew better-"

"Does Jake know you're here?"

"Not yet, but he will. Given what happened before, I didn't want to send him into a needless panic."

Callie nodded and glanced over her shoulder toward the door with her reply.

"Is Mr. Jones the reason you were asking about that paternity test earlier?"

"Yeah...-" I softly replied. "Please don't ask me anything else right now."

She merely wrapped an arm around my shoulders in return while we waited for Dr. Niles to come back.

After a routine head CT, and further examination, I was given the all clear to leave the hospital again. Dr. Niles instructed me to take it easy for the next twenty-four hours, and to note and observe any changes or worsening in my symptoms. He told me to come back only if the dizziness lingered longer than it should. I agreed to this and thanked him, as I headed to use the bathroom before leaving.

I splashed some cold water on my face and glanced at my paled reflection briefly while heading into the nearby stall. My nausea was almost gone but I still felt woozy enough to need to collect myself before we made the drive back to my house. I heard the door open then, along with a few loud chuckles as some oddly familiar voices filled the womens bathroom.

"Did you see she was back here already?" The first voice asked, and I paused there by the stall, intently listening while I tried to place who the voice belonged to.

"Who?"

"Nurse Swan?"

I drew in a shaky breath as I silently recalled just who the unidentified voices belonged to.

The two new interns I'd helped to oversee on and off for the past three months. Amy Parker and Candice Linwood. They were both from wealthy families and I hadn't seen them more than a few times since my heated run in with them, and another male intern, on the day of Jacobs accident. They were the ones who had been stupid enough to place a wager on the outcome of his surgery like it was a damn social hour at the local saloon in town. I could still remember the anger I felt when I snatched the snacks out of their hands and demanded that they leave.

I had never been more angry than I was in that moment back then.

"Yeah, wonder if she's had a change of heart. Rumor has it she's leaving here to be with that guy from the pile up that happened a few months back. John or Julien... something or rather. I can't exactly remember his name." Amy piped up then.

"Jacob. His name was Jacob. I don't forget a fine specimen of a man like that around these parts." Candice casually replied, and I bit my tongue at the coy way she spoke of him now, like he were an object and not a real person. "What I wouldn't give to wrap myself up in that all night long. Did you see them dancing together at the Christmas Banquet? He's into her- I mean- really into her. They have a real spark going on there. Talk is that he's the reason she's up and leaving Maine after the New Year. I guess she's heading back to her home state of Washington with him. Just like that...-poof-"

"Didn't his wife just pass away in that accident? That was the same car accident right?" Amy asked, as I leaned my head against the stall and continued to listen to their catty banter.

"That seems kind of fast moving! Don't you think? Nurse Swan was here in the ER on shift the night of the wreck, wasn't she? That was only seven weeks ago." Candice inquired.

My stomach plummeted to the floor from her words and I found it hard to breathe as they kept talking.

"Oh yeah, she was here working that night. Dr. Niles, too. His wife was so young I heard. I don't know all the details. You'd have to go to the source for those tidbits." Amy haughtily reminded her.

"I overheard Natalie talking to Tina earlier by the nurses station, something about how they all wish her the best with him. They seemed sincere. Natalie mentioned her health, saying Nurse Swan looked better than she had in a long time. Like this Jacob character was good for her. I don't get it. If you ask me, two months is not enough time to properly grieve a loss like that. I mean- for shits sake- he was married to another woman and had a child with her. How can you just forget all about that." Candice shot back.

"Maybe there's more to this than meets the eye? Maybe they have history or something?"

"Yeah, I bet they have a ton of history. The kind that stays between the sheets at night."

"Amy!" Candice jokingly scolded, with the hint of a laugh in her tone.

I inwardly cringed and swallowed down the emotion their gossip session was stirring up in me.

"What?" Amy chuckled in response. "It's not as if you haven't thought about it. We all know Nurse Swan's history around here, or lack thereof I should say. She never gave anyone a chance. I've only been here two years and she always struck me as a bit of a snot. Like she thought she was too good for any of the doctors. She hardly ever went out with the rest of us, and it wasn't because we didn't extend the invitation to her, and on the rarity when she did, she'd always make up some lame ass excuse about having to leave early because she was exhausted. I always found her to be very off putting. I will say that she made a hell of an ER nurse though. She kept us all in order. She really knows her stuff and she's damn good at the job, but personally, I think this whole move to Washington is on a desperate whim. I bet you twenty bucks she'll be back here before next Christmas, cause things didn't work out the way she was hoping they would with Mr. tall, dark, and handsome."

"No way! You're so on! I bet she stays. Would you leave a guy that looked like that to come back to a place like this?"

"Uh-no! Definitely not! I'd stay wherever he was! Build a life around him!" Amy enthusiastically replied. "...but you know she's not able to have kids, right? Kind of a dead end there-"

"How do you know that?"

"Heard it when I first got here. I have good ears and an even better memory. Tina was telling Callie on one of the shifts nurse Swan had called out from, that she would be out again for the rest of the week. They said they wished there was more they could do for her- carried on about how hard it must be for her to deal with all she's lost. Callie was the one who stated kids next, so naturally, I put two and two together. I thought you knew?"

Hot angry tears welled as I stared at the stall door and waited for this nightmare to end.

"I had no idea she couldn't have children. Is that why she's not married or-" Candice softly asked.

"I'm not sure, but seems this Jacob is somehow different. Don't ask me why. She never even so much as bated an eyelash at any other guy around this place-...until he came crashing in here- literally. Do you remember how angry she was when she overheard us in the observatory room during his surgery. She went off on Dylon that night. Poor guy has never been the same." Amy clarified. "Anyway, I guess he's got whatever she's been looking for. I don't blame her for skipping town with him."

"Me neither. I would if I was given the chance. No more lonely nights. Yes, please!" Candice laughed.

I held my breath, ignoring the anger that was welling up in me the best I could while they finished with their never ending gossip session.

"If you want to know my two cents, I think it's a disaster waiting to happen. Just think about it, he's the grieving recent widower and here she comes like a breath of fresh air. It's a distraction from his grief is all. She can't give him any kind of a real future, a way to start all over again, which after a loss like that, I would imagine that's what he wants- eventually anyway. I give the whole thing six months, maybe a bit more at best. You watch and see, she will be back sooner rather than later. Holy shit! Look at the time! We need to get back on the floor soon. Break is almost over and I'm in desperate need of a coffee." Amy hurriedly admitted to Candice.

I waited till I heard the door close, before I exited the stall and took a good long look at my reflection again. I could only blink at the girl who was staring back at me, while their words swarmed around me like a heavy fog that refused to lift.

Seconds that turned into minutes passed before I could bring myself to move. I forced myself to put one foot in front of the other, and trudged out into the hall where I froze when Genty's darkened gaze caught mine from across the way. I knew with one glance that he'd heard it all. Every biting comment they'd shared in that bathroom. He was leaning against the far wall with his arms crossed over his chest. His look was murderous when he shot a glare toward Candice and Amy, who were too caught up in themselves to even notice at this point. He pushed himself off the wall and headed their way, only getting a few strides before I forcefully grabbed him by the arm with my alarmed plea.

"No! Don't!" I harshly ground out, my head now pounding worse than before and the room spinning with the wave of nausea that came next. "Just- take me back home- please."

Gentry's angry glare faded when he heard the trembling in my voice, and his only response was to wrap an arm around my shoulders, as he lead the way through to the double doors. The cold air hit me in the face and I drew in a much needed breath then, as we exited Pen Bay for what I could only hope was the final time.

Callie was quick to follow after us once she saw that we were leaving and I did my best to keep a straight face for her.

"Okay, this time, I'm hoping not to see you back here unless you're visiting us and not a patient." She stated to me with a warm smile. "Let me know how you're feeling later and get some rest?"

"I will. I'll text you later." I managed, before climbing into the passenger seat of my car and watching Gentry pause there before he joined me.

"Might wanna tell some of your bitchy, airheaded, gossiping interns to keep their brainless mouths shut about things they have no business speaking of. Wouldn't want someone like me to have to remind them about proper work etiquette."

Callie staggered back some at this, her eyes wide with alarm and confusion, as she peered down toward me through the frosty windshield.

"What happened? Tell me who-"

"You're a smart woman. I'm sure if you think about it for a few minutes, I won't have to give you a name. Just do me favor and remind them when you do figure it out, and confront them that money can't buy everything - like class."

Gentry didn't speak another word to her, as he climbed in the car and slammed the door, before turning over the engine and taking off out of the parking lot.

The ride home was full of a stony silence, as I looked out the snowy window to the roads ahead. I tried to think on other things, to stop the replay of recent events from occurring, but no matter how hard I tried to block them out, the words came back to me anyway.

_'She can't give him any kind of a real future, a way to start all over again, which after a loss like that, I would imagine that's what he wants- eventually anyway.'_

I shuttered and saw Gentry turn up the heat as a result, his gaze leaving the road as he looked over my way for the first time since we'd left the hospital.

"Bella...-"

"Please don't." I hoarsely begged him. "There's nothing to say. Thank you for taking me to be looked at. I appreciate it."

"I don't need a thank you. You're family, too."

I turned my head toward him, as he brought the car to a stop at the street light ahead of us and met my gaze.

"You barely know me-"

"I know enough." He countered, holding my stare a bit longer while we waited for the red light to turn green again.

There was a sincerity there in his eyes that mirrored both Billy's and Jacobs, and it made it almost impossible for me to look away from him.

"I know you're trying to make me feel better but-" I began.

"No, I'm trying to make you see that you don't need to give another damn thought to what those small minded busy bodies said. Not a word of it is true. Not a single word. Their just jealous of your skills, Bella. People like that are a dime a dozen in this world."

"I mentored them for three months last Fall. Their internship was-"

"Paid for by mommy and daddy. They will never have the heart for the job like you do. So, ignore them." He vehemently countered to me.

I swallowed hard at his words, unable to keep the welling emotion out of my voice when I sat up in the seat with my reply.

"If you knew me better, you'd know just how true what they said really is."

I tore my gaze from his and stared blankly ahead as we hit the gas for my house. Once we were close to my street, I felt the car veer as Gentry abruptly pulled us over and turned on the four ways.

"Giving people like that a damn second of your time is too much. Bella, listen to me. What they said was the furthest thing from the truth. You have more talent and class in your pinky than they do in their whole body. Trust me when I tell you that it's not worth dwelling on. Let it go."

"I was in the room, Gentry." I shakily told him. "I saw her when they brought her in. I wanted to save her. We tried."

"I know the kind of person you are and I know you would've done anything you could for her. Lillian knows that, too. Wherever she is today."

The snow began to fall then in heavy bouts and I watched it quickly cover the windshield as we sat there alongside the roadway.

"Do you know Martha and Shawn? Lilly's grandparents?" I softly asked, seeing his troubled gaze now.

"No, but I heard a lot about them. They were so important to Lillian. I know that much. From what she told me, they sounded like they were great people. She loved them very much."

"They truly are. Jake should tell you more about them sometime. For Clarissa's sake, too."

Gentry nodded and reached over, as he placed his hand on my knee with a gentle squeeze, his face showing nothing but truth when he spoke again.

"Despite being at odds right now, I hope you know that I do want my brother to be happy again and I want that for Clarissa, too. That happiness lies with you. In Washington. The last few weeks I've shared his thoughts and he loves you, Bella. You're his future. Don't let what you overheard today from those petty interns make you think that you're not enough for him. I promise you that you are."

I watched him as he gripped the steering wheel and carefully pulled out onto the road. Once we were parked in the driveway, I saw Billy sitting on the porch with a worried look as he peered out at us. I hurriedly pulled myself together and noticed the tension in Gentry's movements then as he handed me the keys, and got out of the car. He bolted straight for the woods without stopping so much for a backwards glance, and I was sure to hide most of the bandage the best I could with my hair before making my way up the steps. Thankfully, I wasn't dizzy right now and my balance was much improved.

"Everything alright, Bella?" Billy questioned, as I drew closer to him. "We were starting to worry. Didn't think you'd be gone that long."

"I'm truly sorry, Billy. It's been a much longer afternoon than I thought it would be. Is Clarissa doing alright?"

"Yes, she's been having a lot of fun with your father. He's been trying to teach her how to stack blocks. Slowly but surely, she's starting to get it. I've enjoyed myself just watching the smile she puts on Charlie's face." Billy sincerely replied. "Tell me, was that Gentry who left in such a hurry just now?"

"Yeah, he drove my car back. I had a bit of a fender bender earlier. Went off the road into the ditch." I replied, seeing Billy's eyes go wide when I showed him the bandage on my forehead. "Don't worry, I'm okay. He was there. He stopped the car from hitting the tree. Good thing, too. I think he has far more of you in him than he wants to admit, Billy."

I leaned down and kissed his cheek, as I headed into the house then and started in on dinner. I managed to keep myself busy enough with meal prep to preoccupy some of my maddening thoughts from earlier, but despite my best efforts, they continued to haunt me.

I fixed Clarissa a bottle and made sure she was comfortably settled with Charlie in the living room, before I began dicing onions and green peppers for the steak stir fry that was simmering on the stove top. I had barely placed the lid on the skillet when a pair of warm arms encircled my waist and drew me back against a firm chest.

His husky words at my ear were nearly inaudible.

"I love you, Bells."

**A/N: Sorry for the delay in posting. I hope you enjoyed this update. New Chapter tomorrow. Till then...**


	93. Chapter 93

**CHAPTER NINETY-THREE**

**(BPOV)**

I basked in the comfort Jacobs embrace provided and stilled there with him by the stove, as my head filled with the dreaded events of the afternoon.

"Dinner will be done in a few minutes."

"Sorry I'm a bit later than I thought I'd be. Smells great, honey. Your dad looks pretty content with Clarissa? Did they have a good afternoon together?" He asked, as his chin came to rest on my shoulder.

"Um-yeah, Billy told me they really enjoyed the afternoon with her today. I had a few things to do at the hospital. Loose ends to tie up- you know?"

I tried to keep my voice even and carefree with him, but I knew he'd caught the way I spoke the last few words to him when his arms tightened around me.

"How did that go? I would've gone with you, honey-"

"No, that's okay. Needed to be done. I gave them my official resignation today - so they know I'm leaving. I cleaned out my locker, too. Said my goodbyes. All that fun stuff."

My breath hitched on the last word and Jacob turned me in his arms when he heard this.

His eyes went straight to the bandage as he started to release me, his face filling with worry when he drew me close again and took my face in his hands.

"Bells, what happened?" He urgently asked, tilting my head to the side to get a closer look, before I shrugged out of his embrace and refocused my attention on the stir-fry that needed to be stirred.

"I'm alright. I had a minor incident this afternoon on the way back from the hospital. It was snowing and I took the corner a bit fast."

Jacob turned me back around at this, his eyes wide from my admission.

"You left the road, honey? How fast were you going? Are you alright?" He asked, looking me over as Billy wheeled himself into the kitchen with us.

"Yes, I'm fine. My car took the brunt of the damage. Mainly the hood. Could have been a lot worse. Gentry was there. He stopped me from slamming into the tree before my car could make full impact. He came out of nowhere. I really owe him. He even fixed the hood."

Jacob went mute at this, as he took a step back from me and looked to Billy, the both of them appearing to be almost stunned now.

"Gentry stopped the car for you?" Billy asked first.

"He did and he took me to Pen Bay so I could get checked. He didn't have to but he did. Like I said, I think he has a lot more of you in him Billy than he'll ever admit to." I softly replied, as I looked between the two of them.

"You needed stitches?" Jacob asked, with clear disappointment in his tone that he wasn't there with me, and the sound of it made me reach for him.

"I would have called you. I was going to, but I knew you were out on a border run after your meeting with Gentry, and I didn't want to needlessly worry you. With everything that's happened recently, I was just trying to spare you the panic." I paused and saw him nod to me, the worry still there in his dark gaze as it held mine. "I'm sorry. If it had been more serious, I would have called sooner. You know that, right? They checked me out at the hospital and I had a CT. Everything looks fine. I'm okay."

Despite my assurance to him, he looked genuinely uneasy about the whole ordeal and I understood why.

"Sounds like Gentry was there at the right time." Billy hedged.

Jacob sighed and pulled me into a tight embrace with his relieved reply then.

"I'm just glad you're safe, Bells. That's all that matters."

I served everyone dinner and when we'd all had our fill, Jacob left the table first as he headed outside to spilt some more firewood.

He'd barely spoken more than two words throughout the entire meal, and when Billy looked my way as the house door closed, I felt my heart sink a little further in my chest. The events of the day had taken a heavy toll on the both of us and I was determined not to keep it all inside like I always did. Neither one of us could do that anymore. It only proved to make matters far worse in the end.

I cleared the dishes from the table and stopped when Charlie's hand caught mine, as I reached for his empty plate.

"Hey kiddo, I think I can handle this mess for a bit. Clarissa is sitting with Billy right now in the living room, and I think there are more important matters to tend to at the moment than these dirty dishes from dinner. It was delicious by the way so thank you. I'll clean up." Charlie offered, as he reached up and carefully skimmed his hand over the small bandage on my forhead. "Really glad you're okay. He's rattled, Bella. Grief can do that to a person. Hide away and then come back when something shakes us up or triggers an array of memories from the loss itself."

I felt the color drain from my face when he said this, his words making me recall some of what I'd overheard Amy and Candice saying in the bathroom at Pen Bay a few hours ago. _"It's a distraction from his grief is all-...'_

I hated the feeling of doubt and it was steadily creeping it's way in right about now.

"Thanks, dad. For cleaning up." I replied, taking my jacket off the back of the kitchen chair and slipping into it as Charlie eyed me curiously.

"Sure there's nothing on your mind, Bella? Something you wanna run by your old man before talking to Jacob?"

"You know, you never used to be this perceptive." I observed with a heavy sigh to him.

"Yeah, well, turns out people can change. I wanna know if anything is bothering you. Ignorance isn't always so blissful." Charlie chuckled, as he loaded the sink with the dirty dishes and rolled up his flannel sleeves to get busy with washing.

"Have you ever heard something you wish you didn't?" I timidly asked, leaning against the counter there with him.

"More times than I can count, kiddo. Why? What did you hear you wish you hadn't?"

"Just some of the interns thoughts about me. They weren't very kind. To say the least. Kinda got under my skin, you know?" I truthfully told him.

Charlie briefly stopped filling the sink and looked my way with a raised eyebrow expression at this.

"Things like? Your work ethic or skill? Were they unfairly critical?"

"You could say that." I admitted, looking to the floor. "Always hard to hear what someone really thinks of you."

"Only if they matter and what do you mean by critical exactly? Personally or professionally? There's a difference, Bella." Charlie clarified.

"Both-... Tell me the difference, please?" My voice broke with my answer to him and Charlie dried his hands and turned my way.

"Hey- look at me, kiddo."

I raised my head and saw some of the sadness and anger now reflected back to me in Charlie's gaze.

"Whoever these interns are, they can only hurt you if you let them. People who gossip carelessly about others often have nothing better to do and are missing something huge in their own life. Misery loves company, as the saying goes. You're a hell of a nurse, Bella. You hear me? You really are. You put yourself out there and took a real chance by coming to Maine, and living all on your own with new people and new surroundings. That's far more than I ever did. That took a lot of courage."

I struggled to look at him then, as I dared to voice more of my own truth to my father for the first time since I was just a teenager.

"...even if the reason I left was from fear or from something I didn't want to face at the time?"

Charlie stared back at me with true confusion, as he tossed the dish towel down on the counter and took hold of me by the shoulders.

"Bella, there's not a damn thing you can't tell me, alright? So, if there's something wrong-"

"I wanted to come to Maine for College, but my reason for leaving in the first place had far more to do with running than anything else. Work was, and has been, a huge distraction all this time. I love what I do, dad. I have a passion for helping those who are hurting, but I'd be lying if I told you I didn't stay here because of fear."

"Running from what?"

"Myself... things I didn't understand and couldn't control... Jacob...-"

"You wanna know something?"

"What?"

"I used to think you ran because of me." Charlie admitted. "Because of the same reason your mother did. Made for a lot of sleepless nights over the years. That wasn't the real reason?"

I shook my head and watched in horror as his gaze went misty then.

"Dad, my leaving had nothing to do with you. You weren't the reason and Forks wasn't the reason, either. I hate that you ever thought that. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, kiddo. It's good to know the truth now." Charlie sighed to me. "It's a relief to know I wasn't part of the reason why you felt you had to leave."

"I left because of something that could never be your fault." I pushed down the fear that tried to make me choke up again like all the other times in the past I could have told him, but chose not to. Charlie met my gaze with a shake of his head.

"Tell me, Bella. Whatever it is. No more secrets. It separates us and I don't want that anymore. You're my daughter and I love you. Don't repeat my mistakes and keep things you shouldn't all bottled up inside. It slowly eats away at you and it's not worth it."

I held his solid stare as my eyes began to sting and my throat tightened from nerves, but I opened my mouth and voiced the truth to him anyway.

"Okay, dad. Here it goes-" I timidly began, trying to decide where to start. "When I was eighteen, do you remember that I went to the doctors for an appointment a few weeks before I took off for Maine? I think I told you about it, but you were working a lot of overtime down at the station then so-"

"Yeah, I recall something like that."

"I went cause I was having some health issues. I thought it was nothing but turned out it wasn't."

Charlie moved himself closer to me as his gaze swept over my face with this.

"What do you mean it wasn't nothing? Starting to scare me, kid."

"No, No. It's nothing terminal or anything like that, but it's been a really hard part of my life all this time. Something I kept mostly to myself till recently. When I went into the clinic, they did some tests and an exam. I was in a lot of pain, dad. My cycles were irregular and I was nauseas and it didn't make any sense to me at the time, but the doctor I saw, she informed me that I have endometriosis. It's where-"

I stopped talking when Charlie's face went pale in color, his eyes leaving mine as he took a step back.

"Wait- Wait- I know what endometriosis is. Your mother has it, Bella. They discovered it through exploratory surgery about a year after she had you."

The mention of my mother stole away my thoughts, as I recalled the last few emails we'd shared over the course of a year now. Renee and I had kept in touch, albeit briefly and at a great distance, but there was still a connection there between us. As dysfunctional and often flighty as she was, she was still my mother and I loved her.

I looked at Charlie with a shake of my head to him in disbelief while I tried to put the right words together.

"M-Mom has it? S-She never- not once- we talked all the time when I first moved out here- and she never told me that, dad. Are you sure?" I stammered in response, as the confusion whirled heavily around in my mind.

"I'm certain, Bella. Our marriage wasn't the best at that time, pretty damn rocky some days actually, but yes I remember her in agony for weeks before I finally talked her into going to the doctors. You know your mother and hospitals, but she finally went. There were days she couldn't even got off the couch with it."

Charlie's gaze filled with unexpected emotion then as he sighed.

"I never knew-"

"She should have told you. I should have told you. Shit, kiddo. I-I thought- Damn it- I thought you knew. Your mom managed her symptoms over the years, but given our divorce, she doesn't exactly tell me anything like that anymore so. I haven't spoken to your mom in years, Bella. Been a long time."

I felt almost numb as Charlie wrapped his arms around me and drew me into a hug.

"Why didn't she tell me? I mean-..."

"I don't know, kiddo. You've been dealing with that all on your own? All this damn time?"

"It's part of the reason I left."

"Part of the reason? I wish I had known, Bella. I would have told you the truth about your mother and what she went through with it. What's the other part?" Charlie implored, his voice strained when he spoke.

I pulled back from his embrace as my head spun, and my tears welled there in front of him. I felt so much less like an adult and so much more like a scared little girl all over again. What he'd said about Renee unraveled me.

"The doctor I saw told me the chances of me ever being able to have children of my own were small at best. There's a real chance I'll never be a mother, dad."

For the first time, I saw my normally held together, sometimes languid, and unemotional father, completely lose his composure when he heard this from me.

"Bella- oh, honey- I'm so sorry. Bella, I'm so sorry." Charlie replied, as he took hold of me again, his tight hug reminding me of when I had been a mere child. "I didn't know-"

I couldn't speak, all I could do was cry from the release it gave me to finally summon the nerve to be able to tell him after all this time.

Charlie cradled my head against his chest while the two of us stayed there together in the kitchen, neither one of us seeming to have anymore words to offer up to the other right now.

Minutes passed and when I felt him start to release me, his eyes were red rimmed and his normally steady hands shook a bit. Hearing my truth had unnerved him, and I could see the hint of anger there in his features as he tried to say something.

"It's okay, dad. I kept it from you-"

"Sh-she should've told you, Bella. I'm angry with her that she didn't, and I'm even more angry with myself for not coming here to Maine sooner and getting some of the truth out of you."

"That's the past, right? Won't do us any good to live in regret from it." I softly told him.

"Yeah, you're right kiddo. I know it won't." Charlie confirmed. "I'm here for you now though. I mean that, Bella. You can come to me with this stuff. I don't ever want you feeling alone like you were before."

I hugged him fiercely for a final time and placed a kiss on his cheek as he released me then.

"I promise, dad. I'll lean on you when I need to. I love you."

Billy wheeled himself forward, and met Charlie in the kitchen after he'd laid a sleeping Clarissa down for the night. The look they shared made my tears return, as Charlie offered his parting reply to me when I headed for the front door.

"I love you too, Bella. Always have. Always will."

I wiped my tears and zipped up my coat while I made my way out of the house to find Jacob.

The snow crunched under my boots and I stuffed my cold hands in my pockets, as I trudged around to the back of the house.

I stopped in my tracks when I saw he wasn't alone. Gentry was standing there with him, the two of them looking to be in another heated exchange. I huddled myself in to the corner of the house and listened while Gentry made his case.

"You don't get it, man. There is no freaking good that can come from that test. Why would you want to ruin what you're building for her. I don't want it."

"Well, I called Sam after our last talk this morning, turns out I don't need you for the test. All I need is Clarissa and myself. Bella's already agreed to help so-" Jacob hedged back, his tone now bordering on hostile with Gentry.

"You're making a mistake!" Gentry yelled to him.

"No- I have to know!"

"You already know! You love her and she's yours! That should be enough for you! Tell me why it isn't!? Give me one good reason why you would want to chance uprooting her whole stable environment!?"

"I told you before, Clarissa has a right to know who her real father is." Jacob angrily snapped. "And like I said, thank you for helping Bella today. Thank you for being there so she didn't collide with that tree head on. Would've been much worse."

His voice was thick upon saying the last sentence to Gentry, and I heard the way Gentry changed his own tone with him in response.

"You don't owe me a thank you. She's family, too. I'm just glad she's alright, man. They did a thorough exam at the hospital."

"I should've been there." Jacob regretfully countered.

"You were doing a border run-"

"I'm not gonna do this anymore, okay? I can't! I'm not fighting with you, Gentry. I'm doing the test and if you don't want to know the results, that's damn fine with me. If you can live with yourself that way - whatever- but I have to know."

"You're that hellbent on it?" Gentry asked.

"Yes!"

I heard the axe connect forcefully with another log and listened while they went on.

"Fine, if that's what you really need to do so you can have peace then do it. I guess this changes things for the pack and myself, right?"

"No, Sam wouldn't show that kind of favoritism. He's a fair leader. He still wants you to join us." Jacob informed him.

"But you and I have to be able to stand each other for it to work."

"You know what else you have to do for it to really work, Gentry. I already told you that at the farm."

Gentry went silent for a few seconds at this and I heard Jacobs humorless chuckle echo out then.

"What if he won't see me?!"

"That's a bullshit excuse and you know it! You could march right inside the house right now and he'd see you. He'd love to see you. I know he would. Don't play these games." Jacob retorted.

I was stunned by Gentry's reply then.

"Fine, I hope Bella's okay with having company this late?" He shot back to Jacob.

I dared to step out from my hiding place and moved forward, the two of them looking my way when they heard me coming.

"You're not company, Gentry. You're family. Billy's inside with Charlie and Clarissa. I can put on some coffee if you want some?" I asked, seeing his surprised expression at my hospitality. I leaned up and did the one thing I knew he would never see coming... I hugged him.

Gentry froze when I wrapped my arms around his neck, and told him he could stay as long as he wanted to with us tonight. That my home was his home, too.

When I pulled away, I swayed on my feet some and he reached out to steady me as his gaze went to my forehead.

"Still feeling okay?"

"I'll be alright. Please stay and talk to Billy? New Years is in a few days and I can't think of a better way to start it than with mending old hurts. There's no better time to start than right now. Trust me, you'll feel better once you've cleared the air with him. You're his son, Gentry. He loves you."

Jacob stopped splitting firewood when he heard me say this, and I saw the disbelieving look he wore when Gentry nodded and started to walk toward the dimly lit house. His chest heaved with the tension and fear I knew he couldn't express right now and when I closed the distance between us, he reached for me with a shuddering sigh.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there, honey."

"You can't be in two places at once. It was a minor run in. Nothing more. I promise you, I'm okay. Are you okay?"

He let the axe fall in his hand when I reluctantly pulled away, and met his gaze there under the soft moonlight that was just beginning to show in the nights sky above us.

"I will be." He huskily stated.

I forced out my question to him, unable to stop my fear from showing, as I replayed some of those ugly words from earlier in my head again.

"...even if... even if I'm never able to give you more than just this... more than just me-"

I stepped back further from him then and Jacob momentarily stilled there.

"-more than just you?" He repeated to me and I saw the recognition there in his dark eyes before I continued the thought.

"-only me-...if I can never be anything else or give you anything else- if I'm never able to be fixed or if the imprint link isn't the answer like we hope it is. Jake, I don't ever want to be the reason you don't get everything in this life that you deserve- and this isn't me getting cold feet about moving back to Washington or me trying to run again- this is just me asking you if this- what we have and nothing more- is truly enough for you-..."

I raised my eyes from the ground and looked up just in time to see him swiftly close the distance I'd placed between us. His hands took hold of the front of my coat and pulled me to him with his wordless reply, as his lips hungrily claimed mine in a fiery kiss that sent warmth through every part of me.

He kissed me deep and long, until I was dizzy, and not from the head injury but from just him alone. When his lips left mine, his husky words were few but laced with truth.

"You are my everything."

**A/N: Hey Guys! I hope you enjoyed this update. Please leave a review if you'd like with your thoughts. Thank you. Till next time...**


	94. Chapter 94

**CHAPTER NINETY-FOUR**

**(BPOV)**

I placed the tray full of tea, coffee and assorted cookies down in front of Gentry and Billy, the two of them now seated in my living room across from each other.

Jacob took a minute to check on Clarissa before he joined us in the living room. The silence was down right deafening, as Charlie looked between Gentry and Billy, his curious gaze soon meeting my own when I handed him a fresh cup of coffee and sat down with Jacob on the loveseat.

Billy had only filled Charlie in recently about more of the details concerning Gentry and his past, and I could tell he was uncomfortable at best right now.

I felt Jacobs hand reach for mine when he looked toward his father.

Billy's eyes were glossy and his emotion almost tangible while he looked over at Gentry, who appeared to be stuck somewhere between angry and remorseful. He was struggling to speak or even move, and when Jacobs hand squeezed my own, I felt a sense of real pride for what I knew he was about to do.

"I know this is hard. No one ever said it would be easy, but the two of you need to put all this unresolved bitterness to rest."

He was trying to lead them through this, and the act only reminded me of yet another reason why I loved him so much.

Billy drew in a breath and spoke up first then.

"He's right, Gentry. I'm so glad you came back. You look good, son. I can't tell you how nice it is to see you. How's the farm?"

I curled myself in closer to Jacobs side as Gentry shot us a pleading look, one that told me he wanted to bolt from this, to hit the ground on four legs and never look back. I offered him a silent encouraging nod then, trying to let him know that we were there for the both of them, should they need us to be.

If there was one thing I knew to be true, it's that family was everything.

"Uh-... yeah-... Farm's good. Got a few more horses this past season. They're all fairly sturdy. A few of them are getting older now, but they can still pull their weight most weeks. I hired a few new workers to lighten some of my load last month. The're young, still in college, but they show up and do what the job, so guess I can't really complain." Gentry began, his simple reply enough to kickstart the conversation between them.

I smiled to Gentry then and he nervously returned it.

"Takes a lot of work to run a farm like that. That's good honorable work, too. Long days and nights. I'm sure you handle things just fine out there. Bella here told me about the growing business for produce and meats that you do? She's treated us to some fine steak of yours during our visit, and I have to say that it's some of the best I've ever tasted!"

"Well- thank you." Gentry replied. "You look good too, Billy."

I saw the faint hint of a genuine smile crest Billy's lips upon hearing this, and it warmed my heart so much so that I had to blink away my own tears in response.

They were in the same room... together.

They were talking and not yelling.

This was progress. Not matter how small. This was certainly a step in the right direction for them.

"Thank you. I have my health battles here and there still, but I keep on keeping on. Jacob told me you were thinking of officially joining the pack? Is that still the plan or have you changed your mind?" Billy inquired.

"I'm hoping so...-" Gentry replied, with a side glance our way.

"It is the plan. Sam is eager to have you join us, Gentry. Your unique abilities would really help to strengthen us as a whole." Jacob offered up to him with a nod in return.

"That's good. I haven't belonged to something- well really anything- in a long time. Get's lonely."

Billy's face fell some at this when he spoke again.

"I'm so sorry to hear about your mothers passing. She was a wonderful soul. I'm sure you miss her." Billy somberly stated.

"I do. Every single day. Thank you."

I noticed how my father kept looking between Jacob and Gentry, his eyes a bit wide with each glance, like he were silently taking notes of their similarities and differences now. It was somewhat amusing to behold in all honesty. I spoke up then to formerly introduce my dad.

"Gentry, this is my father, Charlie. I'm not sure that the two of you have ever been properly introduced before?"

Charlie reached out and firmly shook Gentry's hand while he rose from his seat to kindly greet him.

"Hey, son. It's good to finally put a face to the name." Charlie admitted.

"Yeah, likewise. I've heard a lot about you, Chief Swan. Still active in the police force back in Washington? Forks, right? Billy used to mention your profession and how much you loved it in some of his distant letters. That was a few years ago, so-" Gentry timidly stated.

"You got some of my letters?" Billy hedged, wheeling himself forward some with a disbelieving look on his face.

"I only got a few. Not a lot of them though. Anything you sent before mom passed, she sort of intercepted. It wasn't until I got digging through some of her old things in the attic last week that I came across the bundles of them she kept in a large tote. Thanks for all the Birthday cards by the way. I know it's late- but better late than never?"

Billy only nodded and looked toward Jacob with a truly devastating expression plaguing his features.

"Why did she keep them all from you?" Billy asked, as Charlie placed a supportive hand on his dear friends shoulder and waited for Gentry's answer.

"I don't truly know. Mom was never a cruel person. I think, in her mind, she thought that maybe she was somehow protecting me? I won't pretend to know her real intentions in hiding them all from me, but this explanation seems to make the most sense."

"But all this time, you really thought I just didn't care?" Billy hoarsely asked, his baritone unsteady with his words.

"I figured you had your life and I was the mistake you wished you could undo or take back. Mom never hid who you were from me or the family life you had. She just didn't always make it sound like you'd ever want to-"

"I did, Gentry. I did want you. I wanted to know you." Billy admitted and I felt my throat grow tight at the sound of his tears now. "Of course I did. You're my son."

"You had a son. You had a family. That wasn't me, Billy."

Jacob tensed next to me when he caught the swift change in Gentry's tone, and I started to worry that if the conversation didn't take a different turn, it would get heated and redirect toward something ugly.

"You're my son. Just as much as Jacob is. I wish things had been different." Billy countered, lowering his head some as I rose up from my seat and offered them all a cookie. Call it lame, but I wanted to break some of the tension for them in any way I could.

"Thanks, Bella." Gentry huffed, as he took three of the chocolate chip cookies and sat back down across from Billy, his look saddened and frustrated.

Billy took a few cookies next and wheeled himself over closer to Gentry, his eyes filling with tears when he reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder. I expected Gentry to be angry, and maybe even to flinch away from Billy's extended hand but he didn't, instead he stilled and look him square in the eye.

"I can't change the past, son. Believe me, if I could, I would. In a heartbeat. I'm so sorry that I wasn't there for you when you were growing up. Every boy needs his father and I needed you just as much. I really did. There's been a big part of me missing all this time. Can we find a way to start over? To make things right this time? There's nothing I would want more."

There was a long pause as Gentry thoughtfully pondered this, and I saw him look to Jacob first, the two of them exchanging a meaningful and loaded glance as Jacob got up and approached them both.

"I want that for us, too. For all of us. You're my family-my brother. No matter what, we need each other. We all do."

I wiped the lone tear that slid down my cheek at Jacobs kind and heartfelt words to Gentry. He was being nothing but sincere.

Gentry stayed silent for a few more minutes before he looked to them with his reply.

"I'm tired of being alone and there's been a huge missing piece in my life without you, Billy. It's an empty feeling. I need you guys, too. So yeah, let's start over. All we can do is try, right?"

"I say that this right here is a real good place to start." Billy replied, leaning over and hugging Gentry. Jacob started to back away from them so they could have this moment together, but at the last second, Gentry caught firm hold of his arm and tugged him down with them.

Charlie sighed and crossed the room as he drew me into a side hug, the two of us watching them all in stunned awe at what had just happened.

The broken was being mended and it touched me to see the healing that was happening right here in my home.

Family would forever be everything and I had a feeling that this was just the very beginning of what was to come.

**A/N: I hope this chapter finds you well. Please leave a review and thank you! :-)**


	95. Chapter 95

**CHAPTER NINETY-FIVE**

***A/N: It's Gentrys turn.***

**(GPOV)**

I started to leave Bella's house just before the dawn when Jacob stopped me there on the porch, his hand outstretched to me as he said his goodbyes.

"Hey-thanks for this. For coming here like you did tonight. Meant the world to dad. To me, too. No matter what happens with the test, we're family, okay? Nothing will change that."

"Of course, don't mention it and if that's what you need, to do the test, I can't be angry with you for it. Just know, whatever it says, that little girl in there is yours, Jake. She belongs with you. That's the way it will stay. You and I both know that I'm right."

"If you're her father, she'll need you, too. We can find a way to make this work. I just don't know exactly how yet. Need some more time."

"I'll take your word for it. When do you plan to do the test?" I asked him, already feeling my stomach knot at the very idea.

"Tomorrow."

"Okay, I'll be here. Even though you really don't need me to be?"

"I want you here." Jake solidly stated and I nodded at his request.

"Then I will be, and you don't need to thank me for tonight. I think I'm the one who needs to thank Bella when I see her next. She's a really awesome person, Jake. I appreciate her opening up her home to me tonight the way she did, and I feel better than I have in a long time." I gruffly admitted.

"Yeah, she's something else-" He countered to me in agreement as he firmly shook my hand.

I shook my head to him with a shrug and tugged him into a tight brotherly hug, before we parted ways while I headed for the woods.

"I'm off for now. Catch you later on this afternoon for another border check? Same place and same time?"

"Sure, Sure. See you then." He huffed out to me with a final wave. "Be careful out there."

"You know I will be. Always am. I got a bit of a detour to make. No worries, bro. By the way, I'm thinking of opening up the barn and throwing a New Years Eve party this year. My mom used to do them all the time when I was a kid. I hope you can come with Bella, Charlie, and Billy?"

"That sounds like fun. Count us in." He replied to me, as I nodded and turned for the dimly lit forest ahead of me.

I didn't look back as I embraced the fire that wove it's way up my spine and hastily lingered out into my limbs. Within seconds, I landed on all fours with a mighty roar, and took off for my first destination of the morning. I reflected on the events of the evening prior while I went.

Billy had listened to me and we'd talked things over, the good and the bad. It was hard for me at first, to push down some of my anger, and resentment but I wanted things to be different with us in the end. I hated feeling the way I always had in the past - frustrated and lonely, and more often that not, pissed at the whole world.

Lillian had been what changed some of that for me for long before she passed. She had a real way of getting under your skin that one. She always seemed to know what to say or do, and had an sense of eternal optimism most of the time. Like no matter what, or how bad things seemed in the present time, she believed that everything would be okay.

I halted my memories, and slowed my run then, seeing the parking lot at Pen Bay Medical was nearly desolate. I stayed well hidden until the sun began to rise higher in the sky from a new day coming. I hunkered down deep in the heavy snow, my gaze trained on the exit, while I eagerly waited for the rich little snoots to show themselves on their way out from an overnight shift.

This was gonna be good and they damn well had it coming.

My thoughts were focused on the memory of Bella's heartbroken expression when she came out of that bathroom and I swore, if they had been guys, I would have laid them out on their asses for what they'd said to her. But since that wasn't the case, I guess this would have to do. The way I saw it, it was far better than doing absolutely nothing.

I first caught sight of them there by the double doors and I slowly pushed myself up from the ground with a huff as they headed my way to reach their vehicles. I hurriedly scanned the lot, noting that there was only one other person exiting their car right now and waiting a few more minutes until he was gone from sight before I made my presence known.

The blonde with the black belted parka on chatted annoyingly with her equally ego inflated friend while they walked out into the huge lot.

"That was a long shift."

"I need to sleep. I can barely keep my eyes open. Oh, and you owe me ten bucks from earlier. Nurse Swan didn't come back today with a change of heart like you thought she would. That's one day down, Candice." The short red head eagerly stated while she held her hand out for her fair payment.

A low growl rumbled through my chest and I watched in sweet satisfaction, as the two of them snapped their heads my way. I lurched out from the tree's cover, fully exposing my massive frame to them with a powerful roar that shook the ground under us. I reared myself up on my back haunches, and saw the undiluted terror fill both of their unsuspecting faces when they dropped everything in their hands and let out an ear piercing scream.

They tripped over themselves in an effort to run from me as I started to head their way. I ran full tilt for them when they turned and scrambled to get into the nearest parked car in the lot.

Candice dropped her keys and let out another blood curdling scream when I reached her, my paws swiping down harshly on the ground and knocking her keys out of the way.

"No!" She screamed, covering her face as I inched myself closer to her. I huffed again, the two of us so close now that it blew her hair back from my breath. "Please! Don't!"

I stilled my movements then and nudged her hands away from her face as I stood over her and met her wide gaze. Her friend was currently cowering behind the rear fender of the car and looking on at us in horrified disbelief.

It was clear the pair thought I was going to kill them and it had scared the living shit out of them, too. As far as I was concerned, my work here was done. I looked between the two of them a few more times with a final deafening roar, before I harshly pulled back and slowly began to retreat into the woods.

Once I was in the cover of the snowy forest again, I phased back to human form and tugged on my tattered Levi's with a chuckle. I could only watch as Candice scattered to get up off the ground, hurriedly pulling her equally terrified red headed friend along with her, as they both found their keys and climbed into their vehicles. They tore off like a bat out of hell from the parking lot and sped away from the hospital.

"Good riddance." I bid them, as I lingered there by the trees a bit longer, my mind suddenly filling with Lillian's pretty face while I pictured her smile from my little scare tactic just now. She would've got a real kick out of it.

That night at the bar had been heaven and hell for me. It took only one long look from those intoxicating eyes of hers and I was done for. All my hard ass exterior faded into something I didn't recognize, something so rare for me to show that I didn't even know what to do with it. She was vulnerable that night, and I knew the alcohol was doing most of the talking when she asked me to stay with her till she sobered up. We sat together just outside the bar while they gave last call and when everyone had left, she leaned her head on my shoulder and fell asleep there. I should have called Emily to come get her, but I selfishly didn't want her to go back to the reservation yet. I couldn't wrap my head around it back then, why this girl who I'd known on and off since grade school, all of a sudden made my heart pound and my world turn in on itself.

I couldn't make any sense of it then.

When she woke up an hour later, the summer air was chilled and she shivered while trying to dig her keys out of her purse. She stumbled forward off of the bench in her rush to get going, and I caught her before she could hit the ground. When I hauled her up in my arms and took hold of her, she melted into me and I couldn't fight it anymore.

It was torture.

I backed her up against the old Chevy truck Emily had let her borrow for the night and kissed her. It was like fire. Her taste and her touch and her smell tore away any remaining reason and common sense I had left. That night had been the first of many for us. At first, we both tried to ignore whatever this pull was, but the more time that would go on without her in between my visits back to Washington, the worse I'd get. I couldn't stop thinking about her or wanting to be as close with her as I could be. It damn near drove me crazy and the guilt left me even more angry, but the heavy regret I'd feel would leave me the second I caught sight of her again.

We went weeks at first, until one night, she called me just before eleven, and told me she was on her way to visit with her grandparents and that she needed to see me, too. I remember her tears when I told her no - that we couldn't keep doing this. I hung up on her and ignored her calls the rest of the night. When I got up the next morning to feed the horses in the barn, there she was standing in the pouring rain just outside one of the stalls. She was drenched and she started to say she was sorry for coming, that she would just go, but it never got the chance to leave her parted lips, cause I grabbed her and kissed her.

We made love in my barn for hours that day, with nothing but the sound of the rain beating down hard on the roof above us.

That began it all. From then on, I made regular trips back to Washington, sometimes two or three times in one month. I'd run in bear form and embrace the wild until I crossed over the stare border. It was a long ass trip, but seeing her for me had always been worth it. She would call me a few times here and there in between, telling me how she just wanted to hear my voice again and we'd plan another time to meet again. She'd always show up a bit late, and we'd hunker down for the night in one of the abandoned places just outside of the Res. It was often in the dead of night these meetings, and we'd spend hours taking what we needed from each other. Sweating out our sins without knowing why it was so painful to leave each other again when the morning came, and it always did. Every time she left, she would take another damn piece of me with her. She was maddeningly stubborn and set in her ways, but what she lacked in compromise, she would always more than make up for in passion. I'd had my few meaningless one night stands in the past like most guys, but there was nothing meaningless about the two of us when we were together.

She captivated me.

I would have done anything for her.

**A/N: I hope you all liked this chapter. I thought it would be good to give Gentry a voice! Please leave your thoughts in a review and thank you so much for all your comments on the last few chapters!**


	96. Chapter 96

**CHAPTER NINETY-SIX**

**(BPOV)**

I was awakened by the sound of Clarissa's soft crying and when I opened my eyes, they were there, perched on the edge of the couch with me all huddled under the warm blankets.

"Someone was eager to see you this morning." Jacob whispered, before placing a tender kiss to the inner most part of my wrist when he reached for my hand. He stilled when his lips lingered over the crescent shaped scar there that would forever remain on my snow white skin. I watched as his warm gaze darkened some while he momentarily observed it, like he were recalling the story I told him about James and the ballet studio all those years ago.

So very much had changed since then.

Clarissa reached for me and I took her with a smile while she settled in my lap, and pointed happily toward the many lights still adorning the Christmas tree just behind the sofa.

"Good morning, hard to believe it's already New Years Eve. I feel like I blinked and the time just vanished." I replied, fluffing Clarissa's soft curls gently with my fingertips and smiling all the wider when she giggled to me in response.

"Yeah, doesn't seem possible that the holidays have already come and gone." Jacob hedged, his tone riddled with a nervousness I picked up on when he spoke this.

"How late did Gentry stay? I tried to stay awake with you guys, but once Charlie was down for the count, I couldn't fight sleep anymore. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. He stayed the rest of the night. He and dad had a lot to discuss, but it ended well. He just left a few minutes ago."

"How's your dad this morning? Must be tired from their long awaited talk, I'm sure? Must have really wore him out." I asked.

"He is beat, but he looks happier than I've seen him in a long time. I think they both needed last night's honesty session. Healed a lot of hurt for them and maybe did a little something for me, too" He hedged to me in return.

"Good, I'm glad they were able to continue talking without things getting heated or turning into any kind of argument."

"Yeah, me too. Gentry wanted me to offer you his heartfelt thanks, by the way. Meant a lot to him, Bella." He replied.

"Of course, he's always welcome here. Your family is my family. They always will be You know that."

Jacob went silent then, his eyes saddened when he looked at Clarissa, as she laid her head on my shoulder and began playing with my hair.

"Can we do this today? I can't take waiting any longer. It's all I can seem to think about. I need a real answer." He gruffly stated, as I scooted myself closer to him.

"If that's what you truly want to do. The test came in the mail yesterday. The kit is under the sink in the bathroom. I wasn't sure if maybe you were undecided now or-?"

"No, I still want to know. Either way." He admitted to me with a timid tone, his handsome face falling all the more, as he reached out and touched Clarissa's cheek. "I have to, Bella. Hurts too damn much not to know."

We sat there in uncomfortable silence, while the true weight of the situation touched us both, and all I could think to do was reach for his hand. His warm fingers threaded through mine, and he swallowed hard as he looked at Clarissa and I with trepidation.

Charlie came in to join us then, his sleepy gaze looking between the two of us as Clarissa beamed from his presence alone. She clapped her hands and Charlie actually cracked a smile of his own this early in the morning, and given that he hadn't had a drop of coffee yet, this could be considered a miracle in some ways.

"Mornin' kids." Charlie yawned, while he stretched and tried to wake up some more.

"Morning Chief."

"Billy still catching up on his rest after last night I assume? Did Gentry camp out here or?"

"No, he left this morning. Just missed him." Jacob replied, getting to his feet with a nod toward the fire that was barely burning now. "I'm gonna grab some more wood. Be back in a bit to get some coffee."

He left us before we offered up any sort of reply and Charlie looked to me with a raised eyebrow.

"I missed something, right?" He hedged, while reaching for an eager Clarissa.

"Would you mind warming her a bottle? I'll be right back-"

"Of course not. Go on- pretty clear he's struggling with something this morning. I thought last night would have helped calm some things but-"

I got off the sofa and dropped the heavy blanket down to the floor with a timid glance to my father. He still didn't know the rest of the story about Gentry and Jacob.

"It's complicated and hard to understand." I began, finding my jacket and heading towards the outdoors after Jacob.

"Hey- what's complicated? I think we're far past keeping anymore secrets from each other? So, what's the real deal here with Jacob this morning? He looks like he's barely keeping it together?"

I drew in a deep breath while I held open the door and looked back his way.

"Lillian and Gentry- they- they had a bit of a past, dad. The whole thing is hard to explain."

Charlie narrowed his gaze to me with a shake of his head at this.

"What kind of past, Bella? Do me a favor? Don't do that thing where you beat around the bush for minutes on end when you're nervous? Just give it to me straight, okay? That usually works best."

I nodded and took a second to ponder on where and how I should start before replying to him.

"Remember what Jacob told you about us- what we shared and why? What imprinting was? For the legends and for the wolves to continue from it?"

"Yeah Kiddo, I would say of all the stuff he threw at me that night, that was one of the hardest ideas to even comprehend." Charlie admitted, while he carefully bounced Clarissa in his arms.

"Well, as it turns out, Lilly was Gentry's imprint."

Charlie's mouth hung open wide with his shocked expression, his eyes going from mine to Clarissa with a dreaded and almost irritated glare now.

"Oh-... oh no- no...-you're not saying-... he's not thinking that she's-... cause it can't be-" Charlie stammered out in a huff.

"Afraid so." I heavily sighed. "There's a chance she's Gentry's."

"Bella, this doesn't make any damn sense. I saw the way Lilly was with Jacob. She loved him. Are you really telling me she was with Gentry!? His brother! Of all people!?"

I merely shrugged and looked out over the porch to see Jacob taking out his frustrations on the wood pile out back. My throat grew tight and my chest began to ache for him, as I glanced back to my father, his utterly confused and dumbfounded expression was easy to read right about now.

"I ordered a paternity test online. Came in the mail already. Jake wants to do it today. He really wants to know."

"Shit kid, this will destroy him. He's bene through enough. Gentry doesn't strike me as the fatherly type! I mean- hell- I don't really know the guy either. So, I guess I shouldn't say that, but-"

"It's okay, dad. I know it's confusing."

"You got that right." Charlie replied, running his free hand over his face before gazing over at Clarissa who was contentedly babbling away with delight. "She has to be his, Bella. Damn it, she just has to be."

"I'll be back, dad. Formula is in the pantry and you know where the bottles are. Thank you for sitting with her for a bit."

Charlie only nodded while I left the house, his look truly troubled with this new information I'd shed light on just now.

I tucked my arms in around myself to keep out some of the cold air of yet another brisk Winter morning in Maine. My steps were slow and cautious while I approached Jacob, his powerful swing and connect of the axe reminding me of when I'd recently given his free reign to renovate any damn part of my house he saw fit. While it was true that my little place could use the updates, the act of it had been, more or less, my only way of letting him channel and vent some of his frustration and pain over Lilly's death. This however, felt entirely more real, more raw, and more desperate somehow.

I found myself floundering there in the snow as I watched him split one large piece of wood after the other, his attention unbroken until he stilled his motions when I took another few steps closer. He turned and gestured toward the dwindling wood pile by my shed with his unsteady words.

"You're just about out. I'll go get more. Can't be running low. Supposed to be freezing again the next few days."

"I'm not worried about it." I replied. "I think there's enough to last until we leave for Washington."

"Still, you don't wanna chance running this low." He replied.

He tossed the axe down with a huff and started for the woods when I intercepted his path.

"If you wanna disappear for a while today, I get it, but you can't run from this."

He kept his back turned to me and I could see the tension so tightly coiled in his body from all this, like if one more thing was added to his shoulders, he would break from the weight of it alone.

"I want to. Maybe Gentry has a point to some of his nonsense?"

"Such as?" I nervously asked, as I wrapped my arms around his waist and rested my forehead against his back.

"He thinks we should leave things the way they are. That knowing is more painful or harder." Jacob countered, his baritone full of restrained emotion.

"...but you don't think that...-"

"No, I don't. We disagree there, but I have to say, the very idea is starting to sound less and less crazy by the minute."

"Jake, this is your decision, and whatever you decide, to take the test or not, it will be the right one."

I felt the tremors take hold then as he fought to keep his control with me there.

"I don't know what to do, Bells. I know what my gut tells me, but my head keeps saying something else."

"What does your heart say?" I softly inquired. "That's never steered you wrong in all the time I've known you."

Jacob turned then, his eyes holding mine with his earnest reply.

"My heart says to do the test, but Bells... what if- what if she is Gentry's and not-"

His head fell with a shuddering sigh and he wasn't able to finish the thought. I moved forward and kissed his chin and cheek with my whispered thoughts.

"I won't pretend to know what that test is going to reveal, and I can't promise that it will show what you want it to, but I can promise you that no matter what it says, I'll be here."

He drew me into his arms and held me tight just as Gentry stepped out from the dense cover of the bordering tree line.

**A/N: Hey everyone, I'm sorry for the delay in posting. This week marks the beginning of a new hectic schedule. No worries, there will be regular updates, even If they are done late at night. That's why coffee was invented. :-) Please leave your hopes for the outcome of this test. I notice a lot of you are seemingly split when it comes to wanting Clarissa to be with Gentry or Jake. Looking forward to hearing from you. Till the next chapter, stay safe and try to keep smiling!**


	97. Chapter 97

**CHAPTER NINETY-SEVEN**

**(BPOV)**

You ever felt like the entire world was hinging on one single moment in time? Well, that's exactly what it felt like when I carefully sealed the samples and packaged them to be sent out in with todays mail. My heart was pounding and my palms sweaty while I looked over to Jacob, who was pacing nervously by the fireplace with Gentry close behind him.

"How many days will it take before we know? One or-?"

"The test says we should get results within forty-eight hours. Maybe a bit longer." I replied, sealing up the envelope for a final time, and taking it along with my stack of bills out to the mail box at the end of my drive.

"That doesn't sound like a whole lot of time, but it feels like forever." Gentry huffed, as he anxiously shuffled his feet across my floor.

"I know." I sighed in return.

The snowy walk up my winding road felt longer for me than it normally did. I stared down at the white envelope in my trembling hands and looked up toward the grey sky, my words few and whispered when spoken into the frigid air.

"Please, God... let it be Jacob. I've never asked you for much, but I'm asking you for this. So... please."

I continued to put one foot in front of the other, and quickly placed the stack of mail in the box before solidly closing it. I slowly raised the little red flag on the side that alerted the local postman along his route to retrieve whatever was in there before carrying on along his marry way.

Jacob met me at the end of my walk, his barely clothed attire letting me know he needed some space right now. I glanced down at his cut offs and saw the way his hands nervously balled into tight fists at his sides. His jaw was tight and his dark eyes unnerved when he looked my way.

"I gotta go-"

"I know you do. Take your time. I'll be here waiting when you get back."

"I'm sorry, Bells. I just-"

"Don't be." I replied, as he nodded and tore off into the hidden forest around us.

This was hard as hell for him and even harder for me to watch.

I turned around and headed back for the house when Gentry came into view.

"He's gone for a bit, right?" He questioned.

"He needs some time to work this all out. He'll be back soon." I assured him.

"Should I phase and go after him or-" He thoughtfully countered, glancing toward the place where Jacob had just disappeared.

"No, I think he needs to be alone for a bit."

Gentry shrugged with a heavy sigh, as he hunkered down at the very base of a large tree close by, his eyes holding mine with his abrupt and unexpected returning question then.

"I'm not ready for this, right? To be a dad. Clarissa is where she belongs. Jake is responsible and has sound judgement- well most of the time anyways- and me, I'm hot headed, mouthy and get myself into far more trouble than I ever get myself out of. That's a recipe for disaster, wouldn't you say?"

I could hear the faintest hint of doubt there in his voice and it made me sink down with him in the snow, the two of us struggling to find the right thing to say in this moment.

"I- I don't know-..." I truthfully countered. "... because it all depends on the real question you're asking me."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, if you're asking me if I think you could be a good father to Clarissa, should the test reveal that she is yours, then yes- of course I think you could step up and be what she needed you to be."

"...but?" Gentry implored further.

"...but if you're asking me whether or not I hope the test proves otherwise or if it even matters then-"

"I hear you, but it's just like I've been trying to tell Jake all along, that paternity test is nothing more than a piece of paper to me." Gentry replied.

"Have you ever stopped and asked yourself why it is that you feel that way? The real reason?"

"I don't have to. I already know."

"Please tell me?"

He leaned his head back against the tree and looked heavenward with his well thought out answer.

"I know she's watching over her. I know that Lillian is still with her daughter and I have no doubt in my mind that she would want things the way they are right now- for Clarissa. She'd want her to have the kind of life that I could never give her. A real sense of safety, stability, and belonging. That's with Jake and it's with you too, Bella."

"You don't think there's any possibility that she would see things another way? That maybe you don't know?"

"What other way is there?" Gentry hedged in confusion.

"The way that enables you to both be part of her life, no matter what that test shows in two days. If you ask me, I think you'd make a pretty kick ass uncle. That's what you are to her, you know?"

"Uncles are people who have their shit together. People who kids look up to."

"And that's you." I softly encouraged. "They're also the kind of people who boldly stand up for the ones they care for. One might say, they could even go so far as to scare the hell out of a few high class snobby interns who dared to gossip when they were in ear shot."

I watched as his eyes went wide with recognition then and I could only chuckle in response to the look on his face.

"How did you know that I-?"

"Oh please, all it took was Natalie to text me that Candice came in today telling some crazy tale about how she and Amy were nearly mauled to death by a grizzly in the parking lot at first light. I put the rest together myself. Didn't take much."

Gentry hung his head with his signature crooked smirk and held his hands up to me in mock surrender.

"Okay, you caught me. So you know. Do you blame me? They got what they deserved. Rich little snoots."

"No, I don't blame you. In fact, I wanted to say thank you."

"Really?"

"Yeah, it's not everyday that someone would stick up for me like that." I replied to him with a wink.

"You're worth it." He clarified, as he met and held my gaze.

"I happen to think you're worth it, too. Good to know that you're in my corner should I ever need you again."

"I am always in your corner." He huffed out.

"Cause we're family and no matter what that test result comes out as, you are Clarissa's family, too. Trust me, in this crazy messed up world, she's going to need all the people loving her and protecting her she can get. That includes you, Gentry."

"I'm no good with kids-"

"How do you know?" I countered.

"Just trust me, I know."

"I think you don't give yourself nearly enough credit. You're far more valued than you think you are, Gentry."

"You put a lot of faith in people who don't have much in themselves I notice?" He sighed.

"Maybe that's because I think when people are down and out, they should be reminded of their potential, instead of solely focusing on their own faults and shortcomings."

Gentry nodded and drew his knees up to his chest with a somber expression at this.

"What Lillian and I did- despite the imprint- was still wrong."

"Yeah, no argument there from me, but that doesn't mean you're no good, or less of a person because you made an error in judgement. I've done things I regret, too. No one is perfect, even if they think they are." I humbly admitted. "I think you're punishing yourself by pretending that if Clarissa is yours, she would be better off with Jacob. If you really want things to stay the way they are after the test, then just make sure it's for the right reason, cause regret can be a really nasty thing."

"I know all about damn regret. I have a good dose of it every time I look at Jacob and think about Lillian and what we did. How can something that's supposed to be right, that feels so right, wreck everyone else?" Gentry huffed out in frustration. "Do you know how many times I tried to walk away from her? To let her be?"

"...but you couldn't." I finished for him.

"No, I couldn't and toward the end, I was almost convinced that Jacob was onto us. Lilly would try to plan things around his work schedule at the shop he had in town. Most of the time, he'd pull late nights with the crew and would be none the wiser. Other times, if Sam and the guys were having a get together of any kind, she'd use that time to meet me, but I don't think we we're fooling anybody. Just ourselves, I guess. Every time she left me, she would half talk herself into telling him the truth, but when the rubber met the road, she couldn't bring herself to do it. Could you?"

I went mute at this, trying to put myself in either of their shoes and envision what it was I would do if placed there, but after a while, I realized I was unable to do so. I had truly no idea what that would be like.

"I can't give you a straight answer on that one. I've never been in a hard spot like that." I admitted to him.

"You've never loved anyone other than Jacob?" Gentry asked, his curious gaze meeting mine with his question.

"Well, there was a time, years ago, when there was someone else. But that wasn't love, it was something else. An obsession- and unhealthy and toxic kind of relationship and when that ended, I thought I did, too. I was convinced he was what made my world turn everyday and then he left."

"He left? Just like that?"

"There's so much more to this story, but yeah, that gist of it is that I was young and insecure, and extremely impressionable. He was everything I wasn't and unhealthy for me in every way. If I had continued on with that path in my life- I don't think you and I would even be sitting here."

"You say that like you know what would have happened-" Gentry timidly replied with a firm swallow.

"I do and it wouldn't have ended well. I would've lost everything, Gentry. I mean everything. Jacob included."

I saw his eyes widen some with this and I tried to keep my voice even but couldn't ignore the emotion that crept in now from my reflection.

"Bella? Who was this person?"

"His name was Edward Cullen. He was a cold one, Gentry. That newborn army you fought with Jacob and the rest of the pack was because of a choice I thoughtlessly made years ago. To be with a vampire."

I watched as his entire countenance changed then, his face becoming almost hard and angry as he sat up straighter and tried to digest what I was telling him.

"That's why that red headed leech was here in the first place? She was coming after you personally? I guess Jake left out some of the details during that time. To be fair, we weren't on the best of speaking terms then. Can't blame him there. Everything happened so damn fast with that ambush."

"You guys were lucky. If something had happened-..." I trailed off, not able to finish the thought.

"-but it didn't."

"That ambush wasn't random and the red head, Victoria, she targeted Jacob for a reason. It was her ticket to me."

"Yeah, well she didn't and she won't. Nothing but ashes now." Gentry haughtily replied as he got up off the snowy ground and reached down a hand to help me up. "So, if you'd stayed with this Cullen dude, are you saying you would have become what he was? A bloodsucker?"

I managed an awkward chuckle and then a slight grimace at his remark. I shuddered as I took hold of his offered hand and got to my feet.

"I'm saying that my life would have been very very different."

Gentry released my hand and looked me over with a pained expression upon hearing this and I could only guess what he was thinking.

"Man...-Bella...- that would have killed Jacob. If not physically, in every other sense of the word."

I stared back at him, silently pondering how different our worlds would have been had I chosen a different path and for the first time, I was less regretful for the distance and more thankful for the second chance we'd been given. A chance that could never have happened if I'd thrown myself head first into a life with Edward. Nothing for us would have been the same. Not ever again and the very idea of that made tears well in my eyes.

"I would've lived to regret it. Stuck in a life of eternal regret and frozen in time." I admitted, while Gentry glanced at the bordering tree line.

"He'd cross hell for you - you know?"

"Yeah, I do."

"Think it's safe to go after him?"

"Maybe, but tread lightly. Things probably feel pretty raw for him right now. He'll come back when he's ready. You're more than welcome to stay with us at the house till then?" I offered to him.

"Thanks Bella, I appreciate that, but I think I'll take my chances and see where he's at. I promise to keep my temper in check."

"Please do." I replied, as he turned to head for the forest again. I watched him until he disappeared from sight, my eyes scanning the many trees there while I headed for my porch.

Charlie met me there with Clarissa, and he hurriedly passed her to me as she cried, her tears streaming down her round cheeks when I held her to me.

"She feels warm, Bella. I think she has a temp. She's not acting herself."

I spent the rest of the morning with her, keeping the two of us cuddled under a blanket and seated in the old wooden rocking chair by the fire. Charlie had been right, a quick temp check revealed that little Clarissa was indeed running a low grade fever. As the day wore on, her fever remained and no matter how long I rocked her, she continued to fuss. Nothing seemed to calm her, and I could see the real concern in both Charlie and Billy while they watched me pace the floor with her.

"Should I try to reach, Jacob? What if she's really sick with something? Her fever has hung around all morning." Charlie soon fretted.

"Dad, she could be teething. Lots of babies get a slight fever when they teethe or she could be coming down with a cold. Don't panic." I replied, pressing a kiss to her warm forehead, and feeling my heart break a little more with every hiccupping cry she let out.

I gave her a warm bath and that seemed to comfort her for a few minutes, but once she was dressed in a clean sleeper and out of the warm bath water, she began to fuss again.

Charlie looked as if he would wear a hole down into my floor,!as he walked back and forth in front of the fireplace. Seeing Clarissa upset, for as long as she had been, was troubling him far more than I had expected it to.

Another hour steadily passed before the house door opened and Jacob came back, his worried look mirroring Charlies when he met me in the kitchen.

"I could hear her outside."

Clarissa lifted her head from my chest at the sound of Jacobs voice and she reached for him with eager arms.

"She has a low grade fever. Could be teething. I tried a bath. That helped for a little while, but I think she may be fighting something off." I replied, noticing how she settled against his chest with another cry that filled the house. "We'll have to keep an eye on how high it goes."

Jacob looked rattled as he cradled her head and held her close.

Within just a few minutes, Clarissa quieted with him, her head coming to rest comfortably on his shoulder with a barely audible whimper that left all of us in awe.

"Daddy...-"

**A/N: Writing this chapter touched my heart. I hope you all enjoy it. Please review with your thoughts and thank you for all your support. New Chapter tomorrow. Till next time my readers :-)**


	98. Chapter 98

**CHAPTER NINETY-EIGHT**

**(BPOV)**

Clarissa remained contentedly wrapped up in Jacobs arms throughout most of the afternoon, and every so often, I'd catch myself simply looking at them all cuddled up there on the sofa. They were in a distant world all on their own.

Billy and Charlie had gone into town some time ago, with a list of things I'd sent along with them to pick up should Clarissa get worse and not better over the next few days. Charlie went over the lengthy list a few times with me before he left, and Billy assured me they'd be back before it got too late in the day.

I kept myself busy in the kitchen with cooking as the afternoon came and went, and when dusk drew near, I loaded the sink and noted the time. It was already almost four and officially New Years Eve. A brand new year was just around the corner, and I paused when I turned back to see Jacob now fast asleep with Clarissa on his chest. I dried my hands and placed the towel down on the counter in front of me, my attention drawn to the way she had her face tucked under his chin and the way his head tilted toward hers.

She'd mumbled her very first words just a few hours ago, and I didn't think I would ever be able to forget the awe struck feeling that touched me from the sound of it, or the way Jacobs whole face lit up into a heart shattering smile when he looked my way.

'Daddy'...

She was as comfortable as I'd seen her all morning. She needed him and he needed her.

I nervously chewed on my bottom lip, as I mindlessly wrapped my hair up in a high bun, securing it on top of my head with a few pencils I always kept in the junk drawer close by. I dug through the fridge and found the last half a bottle of blueberry wine. I pulled out one of my favorite wine glasses and poured myself a small glass as my thoughts began to wander.

I watched them while they slept, thinking back to all the events that had taken place over the last two months. It felt like a bit of a whirlwind, and to be honest, had someone told me that this would be where I'd find myself at the start of the new year, I probably would have referred them to the nearest psych facility, but here I was, captivated by the very same boy who had held a significant piece of my heart since I was just a teenager. I placed the chicken in the oven and set the timer before wandering out into the living room and carefully draping an afghan over the two of them while they peacefully slept. In all the forms I'd seen Jacob in, and there were many, nothing really compared to the utterly serene look on his face while he slept with her so close. I quietly sat down in the rocking chair with my glass of wine in hand and silently rocked there by the fire. The rich amber glow from it's flame touched Jacobs face and I could do nothing but look at him as the stillness of the house surrounded me then.

There was a time, not so long ago, when that same kind of silence would leave me so empty and unsettled, but this was so different from that time for me. There was no part of this moment with the two of them that left me feeling anything but complete. They had filled a huge hole that had been ever present in my heart for a long time now and I couldn't picture my future without them.

I would never be able to take the place of Clarissa's mother, and I would never want to, but I was already so attached to her, already so invested, that the mere thought of it all suddenly changing made it hard for me to breathe. I had never been one to consider myself as paternal. For so long, I banned any kind of thought of kids in my future, both immediate and distant, as a way of self preservation I suppose. All of those walls, the ones I'd laid down brick by brick to keep the very idea of that out, that came crashing when Jacob came back into my life, and whatever stubborn parts of them that remained, fell away, bit by bit and piece by piece, whenever Clarissa would reach for me.

She had unraveled me in the most unexpected way and I never knew that you could become so wrapped up in someone so fast. I wanted to be there for her, part of her life in every way that she would allow me to be.

I fiercely loved this little girl.

Some would say that I must be an old soul to want to spend New Years Eve rocking by the fire and watching the two people I cared most about in this world, sleep peacefully on my sofa. Nothing could have been further from the truth. This, to me, was a perfect way to spend the evening. I dug out my knitting needles and softly chuckled at the thought of what some of my former coworkers would say to me if they saw this right about now. I'm sure I would've been teased mercilessly for it, but I simply didn't care.

I carefully started to work on the small blanket I'd been secretly knitting for Clarissa these past few weeks. I had wanted to give it to her for Christmas, but my previous work schedule had made that all but impossible. I focused on the pattern of the stitch and was just finishing the first corner of it when the sound of footsteps on the front porch alerted me to Charlie and Billy's return from town. The door creaked open and Clarissa stirred against Jacob, the two of them slowly starting to awaken when Charlie came inside and handed me the bag of goods from the grocery store. Billy wasn't fare behind him and his look of concern hadn't changed when he glanced over to the couch.

"Still resting?" Charlie hedged to me in a whisper while they both followed me into the kitchen.

"Yes, thankfully." I replied, swiftly putting the groceries away in the pantry and holding onto the bottle of infant Tylenol he'd picked up.

"I hope I got the right one. Billy said it was fine. Been a good long while since I had to run out to the store for something like that. Your mother always took care of that stuff for you when you were just a baby."

"You did fine, dad. Thank you." I replied.

"You know Bella, with it being New Years and all, you don't have to cook-" Charlie fussed.

"No, it's alright. Chicken is already in the oven and the dumplings won't be too much longer. I found an old recipe of moms. Put it to good use."

Charlie nearly grimaced at the mention of Renee and I had to stop myself from laughing at his expression.

"Oh, come on now, Chief. Renee wasn't a bad cook. If memory serves me right." Billy sighed, with a slight shake of his head.

"... and obviously it doesn't- cause Renee barely made anything that wasn't out of a damn box for dinner." Charlie countered.

"Well, you'll like this dish of hers- trust me." I replied.

Charlie merely headed for the living room then, mumbling something incoherent about Renee as he went. Billy was kind enough to keep me company while I finished up with dinner.

"You know he'll eat it with no complaints. He's just still angry that she didn't tell you about her struggles with Endometriosis. He filled me in a bit on the ride in town. Hope that's okay?" Billy asked, wheeling himself up to the table.

"Of course he did, and yes it's fine. I still don't know what to think, Billy. I haven't emailed Renee in a while and now I'm avoiding it. I wish she had told me, too." I admitted to him, checking to see if the chicken was nearly done and restarting the timer.

I noticed the way Billy kept looking out to Jacob and Clarissa and I stopped my dinner prep to place a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"She's okay, Billy. I think she's getting all the medicine she needs right where she is right now - in Jacobs arms."

Billy nodded and his gaze went misty with his heartfelt reply to me.

"Oh, I don't doubt that. I'm more worried about what that test is gonna show." He truthfully huffed out. "...and if the results will tear us all apart again. Just when we finally started to rebuild something."

I turned the tea kettle on and heated some water before I took a seat at the table there next to him and placed my hand over his.

"I don't think that's going to happen, Billy. I think that this could be the very start of something brand new for all of you, even if the test shows what we all fear it might. He's scared too. Gentry doesn't feel like he's anywhere near ready to be a father."

"He talked to you about that?" Billy asked in disbelief.

"A little...-"

"Good to know he's really opening up these days to those around him. Can't walk this life alone. We weren't meant to." Billy replied.

"I agree with you."

He stole another side glance toward Jacob and met my gaze with his worried expression.

"I know it will hurt one of them, no matter the outcome. I feel like I'm stuck right in the middle. I don't want Jacob to lose her." Billy gruffly admitted. "But I wouldn't wish that kind of hurt on Gentry, either."

I drew in a nervous breath and held onto his hand.

"You know, call me crazy, or just an eternal optimist these days, but I'm hoping for something else."

Billy looked at me in true confusion when I said this, his voice low with his response.

"What are you hoping for, Bella?"

"I'm hoping that all of this has a greater purpose. That no matter the outcome of the test, Jacob and Gentry will continue to grow closer and that the two of them will choose to put Clarissa first …-always."

Billy nodded as he held my gaze and the two of us quickly halted the conversation when Jacob stirred again and got up from the couch. Clarissa barely moved and I offered him half a smile when he joined us with her in the kitchen. I placed a hand on her little forehead when he was within reach and breathed out a sigh of relief when I felt how cool she was now.

"Fever's gone."

"Good." Jacob breathed, taking the empty seat I offered him as Billy patted his back with a tight smile of his own.

"I still remember the first time I ever heard you utter your first word. You weren't much older than Clarissa is now and your mother was exhausted after two sleepless nights, so I took the third. Here I was, trying to stay awake and get you to sleep for a bit, and out of the blue, you called to me in the crib before I turned the light out in your nursery. I will never forget that, Jacob."

I smiled to myself at the recollection he told of this memory as I poured all of us some tea and placed it on the table.

"It's pretty awesome." Jacob replied, as he caught hold of my hand and gently pulled me down into the chair with him. "I know this probably wasn't how you planned to spend New Years, Bells. I'm sorry. Gentry mentioned he was putting together a party of some kind for tomorrow. I'm not sure if he still plans to throw it, but you're more than welcome to take Charlie and dad with you to-"

I shook my head and kissed him softly before he could finish the statement.

"You're wrong, this is exactly how I want to spend New Years Eve, and if Gentry is still throwing a party, I'm not going without you. I'd rather be here."

He kissed me back then and the two of us looked down at Clarissa as her eyes slowly opened with a sleepy grin on her sweet face.

**A/N: Thank you for reading. New Chapter tomorrow! Till then...**


	99. Chapter 99

**CHAPTER NINETY-NINE**

**(BPOV)**

I stood there alone in my almost empty room, my eyes scanning over the bare walls as I reached up and removed one of the last photos placed in front of me. Everything felt so bare when I checked the empty dressers and closet for a final time, before trying to close my over filled suitcase with a huff. I had packed the rest of my things after dinner. To our relief, Clarissa's fever hadn't returned and she was in a much better mood tonight.

I struggled to zip the bulging suitcase, and let out another exasperated sigh just as Jacobs voice carried in from behind me.

"I could help you with that?"

I smiled and looked over my shoulder as he entered the desolate bedroom with a knowing smirk.

"Would you mind?"

"Course not." He hedged, taking the suitcase from me and easily sliding the zipper with a quick flick of his wrist. He carried it to the door and laid it there on the floor with an amused look.

"What?"

"Seeing this place so bare makes it real, doesn't it?"

"Yeah, I guess it does." I softly admitted, following his gaze around the room. "Kinda creepy without all my things in here. There's a realtor coming over in the morning. This place will be officially on the market then. I think it will feel even more real for me then."

Jacob nodded and took hold of my hand with his simple reply to this.

"I called the movers a little while ago. Scheduled them to show up around noon tomorrow. Is that okay?"

"That should give us enough time to finish packing. Guess it's a good thing that I kept it simple in here, huh?" I lightly teased him with a nervous smile.

He reached his free hand up and caressed my cheek before moving a stray lock of hair away from my face, his thoughtful and tender action not lost on me. He could sense that I was having a hard time with letting some parts of this place go.

"Big move." He sighed, his dark gaze studying mine as he slowly pulled me closer to him. "It's okay to be nervous or scared. It's a big change in a small span of time."

I managed a nod and tried my best to change the subject as the lump in my throat grew tighter.

"You know, the realtor said that uh-... with all the updates you made, it added a lot of value to this place. Could get more money for it, so thank you. He really liked some of the pictures I sent him. Said he can't wait to see it in person."

Jacob just looked at me, his gaze alone telling me, that despite my best efforts, I wasn't fooling him or anyone else.

I was leaving my first home behind, my career, and some of the valued friendships I'd made here, and now that it was all really happening, I had mixed emotions about it. I didn't know what to do with that.

"I'm scared too, honey." He admitted to me in a low tone and I stared up at him in disbelief.

"You are?"

"Course I am."

"What are you scared of?" I timidly asked, as he placed a kiss to my forehead and kept me close.

"A lot of things."

"Name one." I countered.

"I'm scared you'll get all the way back to Washington and regret your choice to leave. That you'll wish you'd taken more time or done this all differently. I think that scares me more than anything else."

"That's really what you're afraid of? That I would regret leaving? No way."

"...and if Washington doesn't have everything you want?"

I shook my head to him, as he drew me even closer, his lips only a breath away from mine when I tried to put his unfounded fear to rest.

"It already does. It has you and Clarissa. Not to mention, my dad and your dad. All the people who care most about me in the world. So, if you're getting cold feet on this whole deal then you better say something now or forever hold your peace-" I replied, my tone joking and my words unfinished when he brought his lips eagerly to mine.

He kissed me till I forgot my own damn name and when his warm lips broke away from my mouth, and trailed down to my neck, I gasped and tried to find the will power to put some much needed distance between us.

Jacob let out a hearty chuckle and I felt the blush warm my cheeks from it. He looked toward my emptied out dresser, where the key he had gifted me was placed, and I saw the nervousness there on his face when he gestured to it.

"Come sit with me for a minute?"

My mattress was stripped of any bedding, but still set up on the frame. I eyed him curiously and was stunned to see a rare blush touch his face in return to my suggestive stare. It was the sexiest damn thing I'd ever seen from him - and that was saying a lot.

"We're not alone so-..." I regretfully reminded him.

"I wish we were." He stated, patting his knee as he sat down on the mattress. I joined him there and noticed the nervousness that lingered in his gaze when he spoke again. "I know my dad told you about the old clear water house back on the reservation."

"He did."

"Well, it's been coming along really well, but there's still a lot of other work that needs to be done. Mainly plumbing, some landscape and painting. The rest is solid and move in ready." Jacob replied. "I'd be lying if I told you that I didn't want that, Bella. To share a home with you and make a new start, but I don't want you thinking you have to rush anything, either. If you'd prefer to stay with Charlie for a while, I would understand that."

I thought of my dad and how much I'd missed him these past ten years, and I knew he'd be thrilled to have me back in that house. I was quiet while I mulled things over and Jacob pressed a kiss to my cheek as I sat there with him, my thoughts both reflective and hopeful.

"I don't feel rushed, but maybe a bit of adjustment time would be good? For the both of us? It would give Clarissa the time she would need to get used to the new surroundings, too."

"It would." Jacob agreed, but I caught the clear disappointment in his baritone.

"I still have to look for a new job and I assume you'd want to get back to the shop with Quil and Embry at some point? There's a lot of things still up in the air about the move, and if you need any help with sorting out some of the finances with the business, you know I'd be more than willing to pitch in." I offered.

"Thank you, I'll probably take you up on that. So, we're in agreement to wait?"

"I think so." I replied. "Maybe just a few weeks...-"

"...or less...-" Jacob hedged.

"Yeah, or less."

"Gentry called a few minutes ago. He's still planning to throw that get together at ten tonight. Guess he stalked up on food and drinks for it. He really wants us to go. I told him I'd leave it up to you. We got a big day tomorrow."

"Do you think Charlie and Billy would want to come, too? If Clarissa's feeling up for it?" I asked in return.

"I think so. Might be a good way to end the year. You know, burying old regrets and coming together for the sake of a good time."

"Well, then count me in. I just need to change first.

"What's wrong with what you're wearing?" He hedged.

"These jeans are frumpy and look at this baggy sweatshirt! I can't go to a party like that. Would you prefer me to show up like this?" I chuckled, as I got up and dug through the top part of my suitcase for a suitable outfit to don.

Warm arms wrapped tightly around my waist and I nearly dropped the outfit in my hands when Jacobs mouth lingered at my ear.

"I prefer you in any way... and naked." He huskily stated, his warm breath caressing my skin with his admission. I shivered from his statement and felt my back arch some when his hand slid up under my shirt and spanned my ribs.

"Jacob Black, are you trying to seduce me on New Years Eve?" I replied in teasing fashion to him.

"Why? Are you saying that I could? Are you easily seduced?"

I shook my head at his antics and couldn't stop the smile that appeared from his efforts.

"What if I said that I was? That you could have your way with me just about anytime you wanted? What would you say?"

"I'd say we could skip Gentry's party and ring in the New Year right here. Under the Christmas tree."

"You're impossible." I sighed, as he turned me in his arms and brushed his lips against mine.

"Am I?"

I nodded and felt my skin warm wherever his hands went.

"I have to change if we're gonna actually go to this party." I reminded him and he let out a groan of frustration as he moved back from me.

"Meet you by the door in half an hour?"

"Okay, I'll be right out.

The drive to the farm was full of the comical back and forth banter of Billy and Charlie's past time tales. They told us all about how they used to celebrate the New Year and by the time we arrived, the whole barn looked like it had been transformed. Hundreds of multi-colored Christmas lights were strung along the doors, and there had to be at least a dozen cars parked in his elongated drive already. Loud music could be heard from where we parked and I looked to Jacob, who wore a mischievous grin himself, as he got out and gestured toward the farm house.

I stared after him, taking in the way his outfit of choice complimented him, and smiling at just how fitting his ensemble was for this place. His red flannel shirt and dark denim jeans were paired with boots and a cowboy hat and in all my life, I'd never thought I'd ever see him wear such a thing, but damn, if he didn't look sexy as hell in it.

Charlie took Clarissa from Jacob and pointed to the barn when we reached the farmhouse.

"You two go find Gentry. I'm sure he's around here somewhere. We'll be in here getting something to eat. We'll come find you in a bit."

Jacob looked to be a bit leery at first, but I quickly took hold of his hand and hauled him forward with me.

"Come on, looks like Gentry really knows how to throw a party."

"Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of." Jacob chuckled in response as his gaze wandered appreciatively over me.

"Like what you see?" I joked, playfully shoving into him as we made our way toward the lit up barn.

"I do. A lot."

I could only grin and when he opened the huge barn door and led the way inside. I had a feeling this would be a night we wouldn't soon forget.

**A/N: Hey guys, thank you for all the great reviews. New chapter tomorrow. Story is coming to a close soon. So, please stay tuned. :-)**


	100. Chapter 100

**CHAPTER ONE-HUNDRED**

**(BPOV)**

The party was in full swing when we made our way into the lit up barn. I looked around in complete shock when I caught sight of Sam and Emily, along with the rest of the pack and some of their presumed dates. Jacob glanced down at me in disbelief as Sam strolled over to us with a red solo cup in hand.

"Well, I was wondering when you were gonna show! We figured you'd be here by now!" Sam huffed with a grin, as he passed a second full solo cup to Jacob. "Now, we can get the party started."

"Unbelievable- how the hell did you all get here? Was this planned the whole time?"

Sam nodded and pointed toward the far end of the barn, where Gentry was currently having a conversation with Leah, the two of them looking awfully close and cozy while the hired DJ started to play another song.

"You can thank that guy! He called me last week and booked us all a flight out here. Saved us a lot of running and time. He flew us first class, too. I gotta say, a guy could get used to such luxury in this life. Was really nice of him, Jacob. He said he wanted to throw a last hoorah as a way to exit the year with a bang. So far, I think he's doing a hell of a job."

I glanced around at the kegs that were lined up and already tapped into. Gentry had gone the lengths for this one. There was a huge food table, filled with any kind of dessert and snack you could think of, not too mention, he'd taken the time to set up a bar of sorts in the process. I shook my head when I counted the dozen varying kinds of hard liquor, knowing that the pack would have to stick to that in order to even catch a buzz considering their elevated body temperature. This was going to be a long night.

"Looks like he's thought of everything." I commented.

"Yeah, it does." Jacob agreed.

"He opened up his house, too. Told us we could camp out for the night in there if needed. Pretty cool of him." Sam added, before downing the rest of his beer, and pulling a smiling Emily out to the middle of the barn to join the numerous others who were trying to dance. I didn't recognize a lot of people and it made me wonder who they were to Gentry and how he knew them.

"Good to see you, Bella. You look beautiful." Emily managed, before Sam kissed her and effectively stole away her attention for the time being. They still had that kind of envied love that was made for the romance novels of our time and I could only smile from watching them.

"So, I guess it's safe to say that I'll be the designated Driver tonight?" I offered, as Embry and Quil came over to us with their shots of whiskey in hand.

"I don't think that's fair." Jacob replied to me with a wink.

"Why not? You deserve a night to be carefree. I'll stay sober. Never been a big drinker. Always made me nervous." I admitted to him, when he took one of the shot glasses from Embry as they patted him on the back, and headed to find themselves suitable dance partners for the evening. There certainly were plenty of eligible pretty women for their choosing at this party.

"Nervous?" Jacob questioned, tossing back the shot with an eager grin that touched his alluring dark eyes.

"Guess I just never liked the idea of being so inebriated you didn't have full control of things. Trust me, in all my outings with Tina and Callie from the hospital, I got a front row view to the many men who would try to come onto them when they were three sheets to the wind. Always handsy and jerks most of the time. Turned me off to the whole idea of it."

I went quiet then, recalling all the many times I'd been on shift at the ER and seen some innocent girl brought in as a rape victim. The story always turned out to be the same. Partying with friends, had far too much to drink, didn't know her surroundings well enough, you fill in the rest. Cases and traumas like that had long since made me a little more than leery about alcohol. There were some things that really stuck with you as an emergency room nurse, and those trauma's were certainly one of them.

Jacob redirected my gaze when his hand tucked up under my chin and lifted my head as he leaned down with his husky reply.

"If you don't want to drink, you don't have to, but if you're not going to because you're afraid of letting go like that, then I'll remind you that the only guy in here whose gonna have his hands on you tonight is me. You're safe to be carefree with me. I would never let anything happen to you, Bells. I hope you already know that?"

His gaze intensely searched mine and for the briefest of moments, I was brought back to a similar conversation we'd had on the steps of an old theatre as teenagers. Those memories felt like a lifetime ago now, but his words back then still rang clear in my mind today. _'I won't let you down, I promise. You can count on me.'_

I brought my lips to his and softly kissed him then before giving him an answer.

"I know I'm safe with you."

Gentry soon interrupted us with a warm smile and Jacob chuckled when he gestured around the barn with a look of true satisfaction.

"So, what do you think? Happy you came, huh? It was kinda for you."

"Yeah, man. Thanks for this. I appreciate all the effort you gave. Really, I do. I think the pack is having a kick ass time, too." Jacob hedged in return, as the two of them shared a brotherly hug and tapped their cups together for cheers.

"Getting them here was pricey, but so worth it to see the look on your face! Bella, I must say, you look wonderful tonight and I see you put the old cowboy hat I gave you last patrol run to good use, bro?"

"Came in handy." Jacob agreed with a smirk to Gentry.

"You pull that look off better than I do. Who knows, maybe there's a farmer deep down in you after all?" Gentry teased, as Jacob shook his head and gave his shoulder a slight shove.

"No way, man. Not ever gonna happen but thanks."

"Never say never." Gentry jokingly countered, before tossing a glance over his shoulder toward Leah as she chatted with Seth by the food table. "So- uh- what's story with her? Didn't get a whole lot of time to say hello to each other during that ambush before. I like her. She seems nice."

"Leah is a handful, but I say that in a good way. She's been through a lot, so don't even think about it unless you're fully prepared for what might follow." Jacob truthfully, but discretely informed him.

"What does that mean?"

"Just- be careful, and I say that for her more than I do for you. She's never been the same since her dad passed, so tread lightly."

Gentry shrugged his shoulders and downed the rest of his shot in one swig, his eyes widening some when Leah suddenly approached us, and took Gentry by the hand to join the mass of people dancing to the loud beat of a song that, in my opinion, had far too much base, and not enough of anything else in it.

"Tread lightly, huh?" I sighed, glancing up at Jacobs stunned expression. "Guess that theory went right out the window, didn't it?"

"Yeah, okay. You just wait until the morning and see who's right with this one?" He playfully suggested to me with a raised eyebrow.

"I think they look damn good together. He's s smart ass, and she's just the kind of woman who could keep someone like him in line for a change?"

"Ha! Are you sure you haven't been drinking already, Bells? The two of them coming together would be like two hurricanes colliding. A huge mess!"

"Well, I think that kind of powerful storm would be both brutal and beautiful at the same time. Look at us and how we found each other again? After all the hurt- the wrong turns and disappointments- we still somehow- stumbled our way back to one another. Wouldn't you say that's magic all on it's own?"

Jacob put down his empty cup and turned me around to face him with his simple but earnest reply to this.

"We are magic. Just you and I, honey. Without all the monsters and all the legends, and the things we'll never even begin to understand. In the midst of all that - there's always been us. You know, I never used to believe in it - magic-... I used to think as a kid that there was no purpose of it. That looking up to the sky and casting out a wish into the universe was nothing more than childs play, but then -... there was you. That familiar voice calling out to me in the hospital after the accident. I heard you even then. I was terrified, Bells, but you were there. My best friend, the person who has always been with me in one way or another - the person who knows me better than I know myself some days. You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, honey."

I couldn't speak, what he'd said had left me completely at a loss for words.

The party seemed to be nothing more than a distant distraction at best right now. I stared up at him, at the person who I could so easily envision myself growing old with, at the person who could unravel me with one long glance and who could make me smile like no one else ever could, and I saw my entire future in his eyes.

It was pure magic. Just like he'd said.

Jacob reached for my hand and gestured toward the crowd of people dancing, as Quil, Embry, Paul, and Seth all moved with their new lady friends.

"You know I'm no good at dancing to stuff like this. Two left feet, remember?" I nervously stated, with a shake of my head. I was unable to hide the blush on my face when he drew me against him and whispered in my ear.

"I happen to love your two left feet and the way you blush when I hold you. I'll take the lead if you let me. I promise your body will never leave mine."

His words were enough to persuade me and when we found ourselves amongst the crowd, I was ready to die of embarrassment, but Jacob was confident and he took the lead just as he said he would.

By the time midnight was upon us, I was finishing my third beer and was already feeling the affects of it. We danced until we both needed a break for air. Gentry kept me company by the barn doors as Jacob headed inside the farm house to find our dads and check on Clarissa. He was kind enough to fix me a plate of food, while some others from the pack gathered around us to join in on the conversation.

"I can't wait to have you back in Washington!" Emily beamed, as she grabbed another shot and swayed back against Sam. "We are going to have so much fun and I need my wolf girl back!"

"I'm nervous but excited, too!" I admitted, as Gentry handed me yet another drink with a knowing grin plastered on his face. "The movers come in the morning. Hard to believe it's really happening."

"We're thrilled to have you back in our neck of the woods, Bella." Sam added, kissing Emily's cheek.

"For sure, lots of stuff will be changing. Have you found a job yet?" Quil asked, while throwing his arm around my shoulders.

"Not yet, but I have a few interests already." I admitted to him. "I just need to sort out where it is I want to end up long term and which direction to take. It will be an adjustment."

"Course it will. You haven't been home in a long time." Seth added then, his wide smile nearly infectious. "Looks like we're finally getting part of our family back."

His words had me emotional and he soon took Quils place by my side while digging into his third rounded plate of food.

"Hey- whatever happened to that girlfriend of yours you told me about a while ago? Do I get to meet her?" I asked, noticing how his look went solemn.

"Afraid not, she dumped me last week. She's dating some other guy from her hometown." Seth sadly replied, his tone making me draw closer to him.

"Well, now I hate her." I sighed. "It's her loss, Seth. You're a great catch."

"Thanks, Bella. You always know what to say to cheer me up." He replied, with half a smile. "So glad you're coming home."

"Me too, Seth. Me too."

Jacob returned with Clarissa and our dads in tow and when Gentry caught sight of her there in his arms, he motioned for the hired DJ to turn the music down. Clarissa beamed at everyone and they all couldn't seem to get enough of her. She went willingly to Emily first, and I noticed right away, how Gentry's gaze lingered over her a second longer than everyone else's.

"She's grown so much, Jake!" Emily swooned with a heart warming smile to him. "She looks so much like you."

"Can't stop time, I guess." He truthfully replied.

"No, you certainly can't." Emily admitted, placing a kiss to Clarissa's forehead when she let out a responding giggle.

As the midnight hour encroached further, a few of Gentry's guests said their goodbye's, claiming to have another party a little ways up the road to attend. They were polite and thankfully not intoxicated like some of the others. Before they could go, Gentry hurriedly introduced them to us as the former workers he'd hired for the farm last year. They soon bid their final fair well and took off down the snowy drive.

Leah sought me out then, her eyes timid but curious as she looked to Gentry and pulled me over toward the corner of the barn.

"Is he, you know...- single?" She hedged, and I chuckled as she handed me another shot of whiskey. We both downed it and started laughing while her gaze roamed hungrily over him again.

"Yes, he is single and very available. Last time I checked anyway. I say, you go for it!" I encouraged, knowing that my brazen response to her was solely alcohol driven.

"Really? You think I have a chance?"

"Are you kidding me? You're gorgeous! Of course you have a chance! I don't think he's looking to settle down or anything-"

"Thanks, Bella." Leah interjected then, as she hugged me and tore off in his direction. I sagged against the wall, running my hands through my hair and feeling the heat of Jacobs gaze roam over me from across the barn. His look alone made me ache and I struggled to break his stare as he headed my way.

I met him in the middle and pressed my body close to his as we continued to dance the night away. The heat between us set my skin ablaze and when the last song stopped playing just minutes before midnight, he looked up to the loft high above us and whispered against my open mouth.

"Come with me...-"

**A/N: This was a fun chapter for me to write and I hope you all enjoyed it. More to come soon. Please leave a review.**


	101. Chapter 101

**CHAPTER ONE-HUNDRED & ONE**

**(BPOV)**

Jacob helped me up the wooden ladder that led to the large abandoned hayloft, my clumsiness giving us both a good laugh when my foot nearly slipped on the final step. I tumbled down into the hay with a giggle and saw the warm grin that that touched Jacobs face when he reached his hand out to help me up. I shook my head to him and with a forceful tug forward, pulled him down there with me. The two of us were now surrounded by the huge bales of hale that Gentry stored up here for the horses. My head spun from the alcohol as I stared up into the face of the most beautiful man I had ever seen.

I reached up and gently grazed my fingertips along his perfect jaw line as he leaned into my touch with a contented sigh.

The music continued to play on and the party showed no signs of fading out as the countdown to midnight soon began. We were down to less than twenty minutes now.

"It's almost a new year." I whispered against his warm lips. "...and everything's changing."

"Yeah, it is, honey." He replied, his dark gaze lingering on mine long enough to make my heart pound wildly.

"Do you think we'll change, too?" I nervously asked him as he laid himself down next to me, his warm hand roaming up over my outer thigh as he leisurely drew my body in closer to his.

"In what way?" He huskily replied.

"Like we'll be different once we get back home? Back to Washington? Maybe it will be hard for me to find work."

Jacob swept a stray lock of hair out of my face as he studied my timid stare, his returning answer effectively easing some of my worries about the impending trip back to the state that was under a near constant cover of clouds and rain.

"Bells, you can do anything you want to-...anything you set your mind to. Whether you end up back in a hospital setting or you choose an alternate path entirely, you'll make it work. I believe in you."

"We'll make it work-..." I softly corrected him with a slight smile. "There's a we- an us now."

His returning grin was infectious as I lifted my head and captured his lips with my breathy moan.

Kissing him was like reaching out and touching the stars, or feeling the warm sun touch your face on a bitter cold day. It was like seeing the ocean for the first time, looking out at it and failing to find the right words to adequately describe it's breathtaking beauty.

He kissed me slowly, deeply, the very taste of him making me eager for more, as he pressed me down into the hay there beneath us. His kiss was steeped in a passion that ignited something in me, something primal and fueled by desire.

His intoxicating scent flooded my senses, that alluring mix of earth and woodsy pine that was undoubtedly all Jacob. Both of us stilled suddenly as the party below us grew louder before we heard Gentry's voice come over the speakers.

"Alright, everyone out into the yard! Only fifteen minutes left until the New Year! Fireworks are all set up. Let's go! Bring your drinks!"

We heard all the many shuffling feet, along with some chanting, as the barn swiftly emptied. The lights above us went out then, bathing us in darkness, and leaving only the subtle glow of the moonlight from the small window in the corner of the barn to eminate the loft.

Jacob's lips brushed mine with a shuddering sigh, as I removed his cowboy hat and tossed it onto a nearby bale of fresh hay.

"I think you make one sexy cowboy if I do say so myself, Mr. Black." I lightly teased him, but my tone wavered some when his lips grazed mine again.

Gone was the innocent and fun teasing of before and all that remained was an intense, fiery, passion that seared my skin when his hand slid up under the lightweight cotton material of my dress. Our breaths mingled as I ran my hand down his spine, pulling him closer until there was no space left between us. I could feel the rapid beating of his heart against my chest and when he kissed me once more, the very world as I knew it fell away. I shivered when he pressed his body to mine as I reached for the many buttons of his flannel shirt, my trembling hands not able to undo them quick enough in the dark. I could hardly see, and there was something both nerve wracking and arousing about the darkness that enshrouded us in this loft. The hint of whiskey was still on Jacobs tongue, and I gasped when he pulled back and finished removing his shirt, the outline of his figure making a jolting thrill of eager anticipation course through me. I inhaled sharply as his warm hands found my dress and slowly lifted it until it was over my head. In the next second, I was against his warm chest, chiseled to complete perfection. His breathing quickened and he began to nuzzle my neck with delicate kisses, the feeling of them so utterly faint on my skin at first, that they felt like nothing more than secretive whispers.

My body started to tremble as his lips crashed onto mine with a throaty moan, the sound of it settling over me along with the weight of him now.

His hungry kiss stole the words I didn't need to say and his every touch coaxed another desperate moan from me. The subtle glow from the moon barely touched his face, but it was enough so I could see his intense gaze as it studied mine. His warm breath ghosted against my face when he said my name then.

"Bella...-"

I reached between us and hurriedly unbuckled his belt with my trembling hands as he pressed his forehead to mine. The sound of fireworks began from outside, along with a steady countdown to the New Year, but to me, it was all just background noise. Nothing else mattered right now but this.

All I wanted in this moment, was to be as close to Jacob as I could possibly get.

I eagerly tugged at the zipper on his jeans and he was quick to rid them with a huff, before bringing his body back to mine. His skin felt like heaven against my own and I relished in the warmth of his touch, basked in the safety his secure hold provided. My body warmed to his and I gasped when he settled himself there between my naked thighs, his trembling restraint making me reach for him with my heated kiss.

I ached for him in such a tangible way that I thought I would combust when his tongue met mine as he hauled me up from the hay there beneath us. He pressed me to the wall and I let out a whimper, as my legs wrapped themselves tightly around his toned waist.

"Jacob...-"

We were close enough to the window for the rays of moonlight to cast shadows over us and when he met my gaze there, the love and adoration I saw from him left me without words. I was utterly lost in his dark eyes as he slowly lowered me down onto him. The complete fullness was enough to make me moan aloud and I had to stifle a cry against his open mouth when he started to move, his thrusts slow and cautious at first. I cradled his face as he backed us up further against the wall with a throaty groan that lit a fire deep inside me, the burn of it the most deliciously intoxicating thing I had ever felt.

There was the sound of more fireworks from just outside, as everyone continued to count down the remaining seconds left until midnight. My whole body trembled like a leaf as Jacob held me tighter, and went deeper, sheathing himself to the hilt while keeping me pressed close to him. His every thrust pushed me onward and I couldn't keep quiet as his husky words surrounded me.

"You're perfect. Every inch of you-..."

He fit me, so completely, in every sense and meaning of the term.

I could hardly breathe, let alone speak, as his gaze held mine.

Loud cheering from outside let us know that our time was running out, and that the New Year was mere seconds away.

Jacob unexpectedly lifted me away from the wall just as another cry left me. He never broke our intimate contact as he laid me back down in the loft and muffled my cries with his passionate kiss. I was so close. On the brink of a climax that made my legs shake and my back arch when his pace with me steadily picked up. He broke our kiss, and pressed his warm cheek to mine, listening to my every sound and pressing my quivering body flush to his when my release soon flooded through me. His pace never faltered and I was breathless when he suddenly flipped us. The momentary loss of contact with him left me desperate in a whole new way. My skin was flushed and my heart raced as he carefully settled me over him.

I felt my knees almost give out as he wordlessly guided me down onto him again, his warm hand cupping and kneading my breast when I let my head fall back in pure ecstasy.

I rocked my hips back and forth and felt Jacob steady me, as his breathing swiftly changed. I blindly reached for his hands, lacing our fingers as I continued to ride him. My skin heated and his name fell from my lips as my second climax took hold.

"Jacob-"

His hands released mine as they went to my hips, rocking me forward there with him. I rolled my hips forward, getting helplessly lost in him, as his body went tight with his own release. I couldn't stop from trembling when he reached for me before I could collapse. He drew me against his chest as we laid there in the hay, our breathing labored and our hearts pounding.

"Happy New Year, honey." He breathlessly offered.

"Happy New Year, Jake." I replied, placing a kiss to his lips just as the rush of guests from the party returned to the barn.

Jacob stilled with me there above him, his nose barely brushing mine with his words.

"We're okay, honey."

"What if they come up here looking for us?" I sheepishly whispered, as he carefully removed himself for me and reached over for where my discarded dress was. I could only stifle a laugh as we fumbled to get dressed. I somehow managed to pull my outfit back on without getting tangled up in it, and I sat down on the edge of a larger bale of hay just as the lights came back on in the loft while Jacob finished fastening his jeans. His eyes met mine and he smiled so brightly at me that I couldn't help but to return it. He buttoned his flannel and even put the cowboy hat back on, before joining me by the small window that gave way to a gorgeous view of Gentry's land.

"It's really beautiful up here." I sighed, plucking a few pieces of hay from my tangled hair with a chuckle.

"Doesn't hold a candle to you, honey. Not even close."

I blushed from his compliment and straightened out my dress for a final time, as he took hold of my hand and placed a kiss to my palm.

"You're just saying that-" I teased him. "Hasn't anyone ever told you that that's what beer goggles do? They make everyone attractive."

"As quick as I burn the stuff off, I'm pretty much stone cold sober right now. So yeah, don't even give me that." He warmly countered, hunkering down behind me on the hay bale and wrapping his arms around my waist with a silence that told me he was worried.

"I'm not hurting." I quietly informed him. "I'm okay right now. I really am."

He placed a kiss to my shoulder and then to my cheek with his thoughtful reply to this.

"Promise me you'll tell me if you are?"

"I will, but even if I do, that's no reason for you to leave all the fun that's here tonight. You could stay.."

"You are all my fun, sweetheart." He earnestly replied, as we got up and looked toward the ladder.

"Think anyone noticed we were gone?"

"Oh, I'm sure by now they have. At least, Sam and Gentry anyway. I doubt that Charlie and Billy are searching for us."

I smiled and peered down over the wooden railing that lined the loft as I lingered there by the ladder.

"You're probably right. Looks like everyone is too wasted to noticed much of anything right now."

Jacob caught my hand before I reached for the ladder then, his gaze suddenly nervous as it held mine.

"Bells, wait-... there's something I brought you up here for." He hoarsely admitted, while I paused my descend and drew closer to him.

"I thought we'd already done that?" I timidly hedged to him with a sigh, seeing the blushing grin he wore in response to my comment and kissing him softly at the sight of it. He was too perfect and he didn't even know it.

"Well, that's part of it, but that wasn't my plan...entirely-"

"You had a plan?" I countered.

He nodded and glanced nervously around the loft with a firm swallow that made me grow weary.

"Do you believe in second chances, honey? One where we're given the opportunity to finally do things right this time around?"

"Of course I do." I softly replied to him with a nod. "You know that."

"...and if we're lucky enough to be given that kind of chance, we shouldn't waste it, right?"

He cradled my face and I felt my heart skip a beat from his words.

"Jake, I-..."

"I don't ever want to be without you, Bells. Not ever again. You're everything to me. There's not a single thing in this world that I wouldn't do for you."

I stared up at him and found myself fighting back tears when I noticed his glossy gaze when he said this. Suddenly, and without warning, this very moment here with him felt far more meaningful than it had just seconds ago.

**A/N: Please don't kill me! New chapter tomorrow. This is it, guys! And boy, do I have a surprise for you this coming week! STAY TUNED! **


	102. Chapter 102

**CHAPTER ONE HUNDRED & TWO**

**(JPOV)**

I felt an evident shift in everything around us as I stood there staring at Bella. Her beauty stole every present or past thought and held them all captive when she looked my way again. I had gone over this very moment with her in my head dozens of times before in the past few days, rehearsed it in my desperate attempt to make it as perfect as possible, but when her doe eyes captured mine, I found it hard to open my mouth and say something. I was more nervous than I'd thought I'd be and I felt out of breath, as a million unforeseen doubts started to swirl around in my mind.

This hadn't been part of my plan tonight when I brought her up to the loft. I wanted to hear more of what she was thinking about the move back to Washington in the hopes that she would delve further into any fears she may still be hiding from me.

_All that seemed like a damn after thought right about now._

_We weren't even back in Washington yet._

_Everything was uncertain and up in the air._

_Would she think I was crazy or that I wasn't ready to take such a step with her at this point?_

_Worst of all... would she give me the answer I longed to hear._

I'd asked some of these very same questions to Shawn when I had called him at an ungodly hour while heading back from my venture into the woods after Bella had mailed out the paternity test. As hard as it was for me to do it, to call them, I knew they had the right to know about the possibility of Clarissa not being mine. This whole thing would impact them to, in one way or another, because despite his adverse rejection of the very idea of fatherhood or anything that came long with it, I knew that he could have a change of heart at some point. I hated to think about it, the truth that could be staring me in the face in the next forty-eight hours or less, but here I was.

Once I had phased back to human form and pulled on my cut offs, I rang the Dawsons and was more than just a little relieved when Shawns voice cut through the line.

"Hello, Dawson's residence?"

I grinned at the formality in his tone and noted for the second time the late hour before answering him.

"H-Hey, it's Jake, Shawn."

"Oh? Gracious me. Sorry I didn't recognize your voice at first. I didn't dare to ask who could be calling us at this time. Is everything alright?" Shawn worriedly countered, and I inwardly cringed at the evident concern I heard in his voice. Calling him at this hour would make him, or anyone else for that matter, assume the very worst.

"Jeez Shawn, I'm sorry. I know it's really late- well early, I suppose."

"No worries, dear boy. Just want to be sure that Clarissa isn't hurt or-?"

"No, it's nothing like that. I assure you, she's fine. Growing like a weed, too." I replied, hunkering down on my favorite stump next to Bella's small shed in her backyard, as I silently debated on whether or not to tell him all of this right now.

"Good to hear it. Tell me, how is everyone else? Bella and Charlie and Billy?"

"They're good, too. All of them. It's been a pretty good Christmas here with her." I admitted, staring down at the snow beneath my feet and swallowing hard before I continued on with our conversation.

"I'm so glad to hear it, Jacob. I really am. Martha and I had a nice ham dinner and we enjoyed ourselves at home this year."

"How is Martha?" I countered.

"She's good. Been knitting all kinds of things for little Clarissa. Seems to make her happy and helps to pass the time by on these long days."

"Please give her a hug for me? Miss her and you, too." I sighed to him in return.

"Course I will. We miss you all." Shawn sincerely replied, as a silence lingered out between us over the line then.

I drew in a nervous breath and tried to find the right way to begin this kind of discussion, but my words were failing me and I hated that.

"I've got something to tell you, Shawn." I finally hedged. "...-a few things actually."

"Sounds serious? What's wrong, Jacob? I can hear it in your tone?" Shawn observed and I closed my eyes, stumbling over my response to him at first.

"I- I have a brother. A half brother. His name is Gentry. I'm not sure if Lillian ever mentioned him to you or talked about him-?"

"No, I don't believe so- at least not to me anyway. I take it this kind of development in your life wasn't expected?"

"Well, no and yes." I truthfully told him. "I've known about him for a while now. We had bad blood at first, you could say...- Things were rocky. We weren't exactly close so-"

"I'm sorry to hear that. I imagine that's hard for you and Billy both. Is he close with Gentry or-"

"He wasn't but things are changing on that front. I think with time, old wounds will heal and they'll be able to repair what's been broken for a long time. That's my hope for them."

"Yeah, it's important for that to happen. For the both of them, and you too, of course. How are you taking it all?"

"One day at a time, Shawn. For now, anyways." I softly admitted, glancing down at the phone, as I wared with myself on whether I should be bluntly honest with him or keep it to myself in the end.

"Hey Jacob, listen son-... -I'm not sure what prompted this call, but uh-... you seem to be hesitant about something? What's bothering you at this hour? You know you can talk to me. I'm a good listener." He chuckled and I cracked a slight smile in response to his lighthearted tone.

"You can tell already, huh?"

"Yep, sorry but you're an easy read for me. Always have been and I mean that in a good way. So, what's on your mind?"

"Shawn, I- I don't know where to start. I think that's half the problem here."

"Only half you say?" He chuckled again. "Well, how about you start from the beginning and we'll take the rest from there?"

I got up from the stump and started to walk the bordering tree line of Bella's back yard while I mentally prepped myself a bit more.

"Alright, here it goes...- Lillian and I- we- we weren't perfect, Shawn. We had a lot of problems that we kept to ourselves most of the time. I think we both naively thought that by ignoring them, they'd just go away, but doing this only put up a higher wall between us. Left her feeling alone and the both of us divided for a while. Once we got to that point, neither one of us knew how the hell to fix it."

"Every couple has trouble in the beginning stages of their life together. Part of trying to merge two very different lifestyles and two very different people into one house."

"Yeah, but it was more than that, Shawn." I truthfully hedged, as I glanced toward the house again and forced out more of the truth to him.

"More?"

"I take responsibility for my part in the breaking down of it all. I had things I never truly put to rest and it just followed me. Those parts of my life made it hard for me to be the kind of person she needed and we got more and more disconnected over time. When that happened it left room for other things to creep in."

There was a long dreaded silence on Shawns end, as I waited for him to put some of this together before I went forward.

"Are you saying that- that you and Lillian- that the two of you were having a harder time with things than what we knew about before Clarissa was born?" Shawn questioned and I cringed again.

"Yes, Shawn. That's exactly what I'm saying. I wasn't there for her and she-"

"No, stop. Whatever it is that you're going to tell me right now, please don't."

"I have to." I regretfully told him.

"Why?"

"-because it involves Clarissa and that indirectly involves you and Martha. Shawn, I'm sorry, I really am, but the truth is, Lillian was in love with someone else. And that person was my brother, Gentry Jones."

I had to look down at the cell in my hand to be sure he was still on the line with me when his silence dragged on for several agonizing seconds before he spoke again.

"I don't understand, Jacob. Gentry? How-How would she know him? I can't-"

"I know it's hard to understand-"

"You're saying our Lillian was unfaithful to you? She had a relationship with Gentry?"

"She loved him, Shawn, and he loved her, too. Believe me, telling you this hasn't been easy, but it's the truth. I didn't know the real extent of it until recently."

"But you knew about her infidelity before now?" Shawn demanded, his tone changing to be harsher than I had ever heard it to be before.

"Yes...-"

Shawn let out a heavy sigh and his voice cracked as he asked me another question.

"So, I suppose the real reason for your call was to tell me that Clarissa isn't-"

He couldn't finish the statement and I swallowed hard against the emotion that was currently trying to choke me from this phone call.

"There's a test. It's in the mail as we speak. Should have the results soon. You'll be the first call I make when I get them. I swear to you." I promised him, as I gazed up to the heavens above and thought of Lilly with my next admission. "It wasn't her fault. I loved someone else, Shawn. So did she. We were together for the comforting idea of love more than we were for love itself. I'm not telling you this to hurt you-"

"She loved you."

"Not like she loved Gentry. What they had and what we had can't be compared. Trust me, I know just how that feels. When everything in you is screaming that it's wrong to long for someone else. To be honest with you, I don't even have it in me to be angry with her anymore, or him for that matter. I'd be a hypocrite, Shawn."

"-because you've been in love with Bella all this time. Even with the miles between you." He thoughtfully finished, as I struggled to answer him.

"Yes."

"If Clarissa is Gentry's than we'll lose her, too?"

"No, you won't. I'll make sure of it. Clarissa loves you and she needs you, and nothing will get in the way of that. I promise. Gentry isn't the enemy here. He really isn't. It's taken me a while to acknowledge that fact, but it's the truth. All I'm asking with this call is for you to trust me with all this."

"That's much easier said than done, son."

"I know, but give me a few days and we'll figure it out. Gentry would never take her from you guys. It's not his character."

"How do you know that?"

"Cause he's my brother and a lot more like me than I ever used to think he was." I admitted to him with a huff.

After a few minutes more of his deafening silence, Shawn finally asked me the question I'd been waiting for and it made my chest tight.

"What's the rest? Cause I can't seem to shake the feeling that you're calling here for more than just this admission of yours? You seem to be almost searching for something?"

"You never cease to amaze me with your ability to read people, even on a phone call." I hedged in return.

"Call it a gift, I suppose."

"Yeah, sure seems to be." I readily agreed.

"Have you asked her yet?"

I went mute at this, his sudden question making me almost stumble in the snow, as I reached out my hand to steady myself against the tree closest to me.

"What?" I managed in a whisper to him.

"Have you asked Nurse Swan to grow old with you yet? Cause son, if you haven't, and you're calling me to get some form of permission or blessing, you already have it, and if you're feeling nervous, like your heart will stop beating before you can actually get the words out to properly ask her, then that's how you know you're ready. Don't try to pinpoint the right moment, cause trust me, it will just find you." Shawn replied.

"How do you know that?" I timidly asked him in disbelief.

"Us old fella's, we have some experience and time on our side with things like this. I carried around Martha's engagement ring for two weeks in my pocket before I got down on one knee and asked her. Ask me why, son."

"Why?"

"-because I didn't bother with trying to find or plan the right moment in time. I already knew that the love we shared wouldn't allow for such precise timing, instead the perfect moment would find us. I asked her on the front porch of her old home when she was just seventeen. She was pouring me a glass of iced tea and the wind blew her hair, and in that second, all I could think about Jacob was how she stole my breath away and how I never wanted to share a sunset like that one with anyone else... only her. That was my time and I took it."

"...and if it's too soon?" I worriedly asked him then.

"You don't really believe that. You're worried that she'll think that, but you don't truly think you're rushing into anything. If you did, my boy, we wouldn't be having this conversation right now."

"I'm terrified." I huffed out.

"Good, that's what makes it so damn real. It's the terror of possible rejection or of losing her again that makes your chest hurt and your stomach knot painfully. Let the moment find you, son. It will."

"I want you to know that I did love her - Lillian-"

"I know you did and I have a feeling she's looking down on you right about now with a big smile. She'd want you to be happy, Jacob. She want you to be with the girl who's had your heart since you were just a boy. The one who stole your smile all that time ago. If it's our blessing you really want, it's our blessing you have. Now, call me when you have the results of that test and we'll talk more? I'll be waiting, son."

"I will, Shawn. Thank you... -for everything." I humbly replied, as I ended the call with him.

My hands shook as Bella's gaze nervously went back to the ladder that led us down from the loft, her hand absent mindedly reaching back for mine with a timid smile to me while I momentarily stalled there.

She always reached for me when she was uncertain or afraid, because she knew I'd be there to catch her hand or guide her in something that was unknown. She knew I would never let her fall and it was something I wanted her to know for the rest of her life here on this earth.

I couldn't take my gaze from her when she paused there by the ladder. and looked to me with the same beautiful doe eyes that had captivated me since before I ever knew what real love was.

I knew, in this moment, I never wanted her to wonder if someone would be there when she was hurting, when she was scared, when she needed a solid hand to take hers, or a pair of arms to hold her when life got to be too damn much like it inevitably would.

She knew me. Like no one else.

She found the light in me that I couldn't find.

She knew my worries. She knew my fears. She knew what set me off and how the delicate touch of her hand alone was always enough to calm me down when the wolf was raging to be set free.

We had always been magic. All on our own. Without any of the danger and mystery of the supernatural that had bombarded us years ago.

Just Jake and Bells. We were enough. We were more than enough.

She was the only one who could unfold me the way she did. Who could pull the truth from me without even really trying.

I wanted to wake up to her every morning and fall asleep with her laying on my chest every night. There was nothing I wanted more, and as I stood there staring at the most beautiful woman I had ever seen, I knew just what Shawn had meant by the right time finding you, instead of you finding it.

I reached out and caught hold of Bella's hand before she could reach for the ladder again, my emotion catching me off guard when I spoke then.

"Bells, wait-... there's something I brought you up here for." I nervously admitted.

"I thought we'd already done that?" She timidly questioned with a blushing grin that made my heart nearly stop beating.

"Well, that's part of it, but that wasn't my plan...entirely-"

"You had a plan?"

I looked into her eyes and saw the change in her gaze when she recognized the emotion I was starting to show as I drew her in closer to me.

"Do you believe in second chances, honey? One where we're given the opportunity to finally do things right this time around?"

"Of course I do." She softly replied to me with a nod. "You know that."

"...and if we're lucky enough to be given that kind of chance, we shouldn't waste it, right?"

"Jake, I-..."

"I don't ever want to be without you, Bells. Not ever again. You're everything to me. There's not a single thing in this world that I wouldn't do for you."

"I know...-"

I thought of all the times I'd pictured this moment in time with her since we were teenagers, and suddenly, nothing else mattered. Not the dim lighting of the empty loft, or the dozens of people who were partying the night away below us, or that there wasn't a more proper way of doing this.

I slowly reached in my back pocket and retrieved my mothers wedding ring that my father had brought with him when he first arrived here in Maine for Christmas. After talking with Shawn, I'd taken his offered wise advice, and kept it close just in case.

I fought my tears, but they fell anyway when I blinked and held the small black box tightly in my hand, before lifting it up and flipping it open in front of her. My mothers ring sparkled under the faint glow from the overhead lights and I heard the audible gasp come from Bella when her eyes fell on it.

I said a silent prayer then, bending Gods ear, and praying with everything in me that she would say yes to the question that I was ready to ask her.

"I wanna grow old with you, honey. I wanna be there for everything. I don't regret the past, or what we went through, because I believe that it taught us a valuable lesson, and I believe that it led us to this point - right here. The breaking forced us to grow- even though it was painful and hard as hell- we got through it, Bella. All the years we've been apart, all the empty searching we've done along the way, it made us who we are today. We've both learned from our past mistakes and we're bound to make more - it's part of life's adventure- but I wanna do it together this time. For me, there is no other way. We may have gotten lost a few times, but what matters is that we found each other again. That where we are today can be what takes us through the future and it's enough, Bella. What we have - what we've always had- it's more than enough to carry us."

Her tears spilled down her ivory cheeks as she looked at me in true disbelief while I slowly got down on one knee in front of her.

"I don't ever want to know what it feels like again not to have you with me. I don't want to wonder anymore what it would be like to call you mine - to have you take my last name as your own- to build the kind of life together that we've both envisioned for so long now. I don't want to just wonder anymore, Bella. I want to know. I wanna marry you because you're the first person I wanna look at when I wake up in the morning, and you're the only one I wanna kiss goodnight." I reached for her trembling hands and felt more of my own tears drip steadily down my cheeks as I continued. "...because the first time I saw these hands again, I couldn't imagine not being able to hold them. If you let me, I'll walk through this life with you. My heart will be your shelter and my arms will be your home. So, please... honey... Will you please spend forever with me - Grow old with me, Bells. I promise you, the best is yet to be. We never really got the chance to continue on with our story, and I want to be with you till our very last page. All that you are is all that I'll ever need. I love you, and I will love you until I take my last breath, and if there is a life after that, I'll love you then too. Isabella Marie Swan, will you marry me?"

**A/N: I loved writing this and I hope you enjoy reading it just as much! Another update coming VERY soon! Please leave a review :-)**


	103. Chapter 103

**CHAPTER ONE HUNDRED & THREE**

**(BPOV)**

My breath hitched, as I stared down at the box in Jacobs hand, seeing the ring there while it glinted softly in the light when he gazed up at me, his dark eyes full of such love and hope that the sight of it left me breathless. The longer I looked at it, the more I was half way convinced this all was some kind of dream I was going to wake up from any second, but the feel of his hands tightly holding mine told me that this was no dream.

This was real.

He was really asking me to marry him. To spend forever with him.

This ring was his mothers. I knew by the way he looked at it just before he got down on one knee. It had belonged to her. She'd been the last one to wear it.

His tears matched my own as they fell in endless supply, and a thousand memories of us ran through my head while he waited for my answer. Everything stopped, a moment in time that felt somehow suspended.

Somewhere in the not so far off distance, I heard the music stop from below us as the party came to a sudden halt. You could have heard a pin drop when Jacob peered over the banister with me to see everyone now looking up at us with wide eyed expressions.

Sam smiled up at us, as he held Emily and nudged into Charlie who was wearing a wide smile of his own while holding Clarissa in his arms. My gaze quickly went to Billy then, and even at this distance, I could see the emotion on his face when he looked our way.

I turned my head and met Jacobs teary gaze once more with the answer I had nearly spoken to him before he'd even had a chance to finish his heartfelt speech.

"I let you go once and it was the biggest mistake I've ever made, Jake. I won't make it twice. I don't wanna waste another day living without you. You have my whole heart- for the rest of my life. So, Yes- Yes, I'll marry you!"

Jacob let out a breath and slid the ring on my finger, kissing it there once it was in place and gathering me in his arms with a kiss that stole the very breath from my lungs.

Cheering erupted from below us, along with several whistles and clapping from the pack. I blushed and continued to kiss him anyway. I didn't care who saw us, or that the way I was wrapped around him may cause my father to turn his head right now, all I cared about was being in his arms and showing him just how much I loved him. The rest would have to worry about itself for the time being.

"I love you, Bells."

"I love you more, Jacob."

"Not possible, honey. Just not possible." He breathed against my lips before kissing me again.

My head spun and my heart felt as if it would beat right out of my chest when he soon lowered me down his body and placed me back on my unsteady feet. The rush of emotions had left me almost lightheaded, and all I could do was smile as I held my trembling hand up in front of us and admired the ring he'd placed there. The detail was perfect- divine and delicate and yet extraordinarily beautiful in it's own way - just like our story-... it fit me- it fit us. I was truly honored to wear it.

Jacob helped me down the ladder from the loft and everyone came running to us all at once. I laughed when Paul and Gentry reached for Jacob first, the two of them congratulating us with their drinks in hand.

"Hey! I had no idea you were planning this tonight! If Seth hadn't spotted you, we would have missed it entirely, bro!" Gentry huffed. "I couldn't be happier for you. I mean that."

"Thanks, Gentry." Jacob replied, wrapping an arm around my waist as everyone else hurriedly gathered around to add their own sentiments.

Emily cried when she pulled me into a tight hug, her words making my tears return some from the true sincerity I heard in them.

"You make him happy, Bella. You always have. I am so glad to finally have you back. You're family. Always have been and always will be!"

"Thank you, Em. I've missed all of you... so much." I admitted, as Sam reached for me next.

"Welcome back, Bella. Hasn't been the same without you around, you know? Now it's official. Lots of fun to look forward to in the coming months!" He warmly hedged to me with a wink.

"Thanks, Sam. It feels nice to be back with all of you. I'm really looking forward to being back home."

I saw the teary gaze my father had when he approached us next with Clarissa. Jacob took her in his arms and kissed her cheek as my dad drew me into a tight embrace.

"I've never seen you look this happy." He stated.

"I am happy. Really happy." I truthfully replied.

Charlie soon took my face in his hands with his sincere words and it warmed my heart to hear it from him.

"I think it's time you finally got your smile back, kiddo. Hold onto it this time, alright? I've missed seeing it on you all this time."

"I will, dad. I promise. I know you probably think this is all so fast but-"

"Maybe for ordinary love and for ordinary people, but not for the two of you. There's no timeline for a love like yours. You've loved him for years now and he's loved you the same."

I wiped away the few stray tears that fell as Charlie held up my hand and admired the ring just as Billy wheeled himself over with Leah and Seth to join us.

"It's beautiful, Bella. Fits you." Charlie soon sighed.

I leaned down then and threw my arms around Billy, the two of us sharing a moment there before he looked at my hand with a reminiscent gaze.

"Sarah would be thrilled if she was here. I just know she would. I'm so happy for the both of you. Brighter days ahead." He warmly offered, as I reached for his hand again.

"Thank you for doing this. For bringing this to Jacob."

Billy only nodded, his emotion now overwhelming him while he went silent from my words. I stayed close to him as the pack encircled Jacob and Clarissa, all of them smiling and laughing, as they talked about the trip back to Washington and what the next few months would entail for all of them.

Leah was planning a trip to Florida to scout out a possible school she was debating on attending, but as I watched the way Gentry was around her, it became clear that maybe that trip would have to be postponed for a while. I had a feeling something much more serious could be on the horizon for them sooner than either one of them anticipated. To me, she was the very person who could handle him, and dare I say it, maybe even make him remember what real love was truly like.

Seth was beaming when he congratulated me, and it came as no surprise when he told me that he was planning to stay close to the reservation come this Spring, in the hopes to find a new love interest. I could only laugh when he threw his arm around my shoulder and started rambling off his list of potentials and their interests. He was still one of the sweetest guys around and I was so thankful that life hadn't changed that for him. He was now, and forever would be, the eternal sunny optimist. I'd missed him more than I thought.

As the dawn inched closer, and I had been passed around from one set of arms to the other, the party began to wind down further. Before I knew it, Sam, Emily, Seth, and Quil were leaving and wishing us the best for our journey back home in a few more days. We said our goodbyes and it wasn't long before Charlie and Billy were ready to follow suit. They both looked to be thoroughly exhausted.

Clarissa had been asleep in Jacobs arms for a few hours before we all finally retreated into the Farm house and got settled in the den by the roaring fire. We were too beat to make the trip back home, and Gentry was kind enough to offer us his accommodations as a respite for the early morning hours.

"Help yourself to whatever you want. What's mine is yours." Gentry sighed, plopping down into one of the large recliners and swiftly pulling a tired Leah onto his lap. She went willingly, and placed her head on his shoulder while she closed her eyes. I stifled a chuckle and looked up to Jacob who reached in his back pocket and pulled out a twenty dollar bill before handing it to me with a shake of his head.

"Bets not over, sweetheart. Just you wait and see what happens in a few more hours." Jacob sighed, as he sat down on the leather sofa with Clarissa.

"We'll see...-" I lightly teased and tucked the money back in his flannel pocket. "You can keep your cash. I don't think we ever placed a formal wager on the matter at hand. So you're off the hook."

"Oh, well how nice of you." He sarcastically chuckled, as I sat down on the couch with him.

Charlie and Billy were already snoring from one of the guest rooms they had claimed mere minutes ago, and I sighed in complete contentment when Jacob grabbed the blanket beside him and draped it over us with a warm grin. I looked down at my left hand for the tenth time already and couldn't stop the returning smile that spread across my face.

Jacobs fingers laced with mine as I looked at sweet Clarissa's peaceful expression while she slept there on his chest.

"I will never forget this New Years Eve or the way you made me smile tonight." I softly told him, placing a kiss to his cheek, before he turned his head and recaptured my lips.

"Neither will I, honey. Neither will I."

"Good night, Jake. Sweet dreams."

I laid down there, placing my head in his lap and watching the fire's amber glow steadily dim as my eyes grew heavy, the comforting sound of Jacobs whispered words being the last thing I heard before I fell fast asleep.

"I always wanna be the reason behind your smile, because you're the reason behind mine, sweetheart."

**A/N: I gave you TWO chapters today! I hope you enjoyed it! Please review with your thoughts! I am working on a big surprise for you! Look for it on Fridays update! Till then.**..


	104. Chapter 104

**CHAPTER ONE HUNDRED & FOUR**

**(BPOV)**

I placed the final suitcase by the door and paused to look out into the snowy driveway while Jacob, along with my father, Billy and Gentry all took turns loading the last few pieces of furniture into the packed moving truck parked behind my car.

I couldn't believe we were already at this point.

It had taken less than a full day of packing to gather all of my things and load the U-Haul as we prepared for our long awaited trip back to Washington.

My cozy little place felt so abandoned now without any of my things to adorn it, and while it saddened me to see it this way, the idea of another family moving in was comforting, and swiftly brought a genuine smile to my face. With all the recent renovations, I just knew that this place would make for a great starter house for a very lucky family someday soon.

Everything I had ever owned was now packed and ready for transport and I marveled at how fast the day had gone by.

After the realtor had showed up this morning, the remaining hours of the day seemingly flew by at warp speed. I was feeling surprisingly energized, despite last nights adventure, and I was even more eager now to get on the road than ever before.

"Is that everything, honey? Did we get it all?" Jacobs warm voice called to me from the doorway, as he glanced around the empty house for a final time.

"Yeah, I think so." I mumbled, taking a second to be sure that I hadn't overlooked anything, or left anything behind before removing the familiar house key from it's ring and holding it tightly in my hand. "Doesn't look like mine anymore."

Jacob crossed the room at this and wrapped his arms around my shoulders with a somber and reflective sigh of his own.

"No, it doesn't, does it? Does that make you sad?"

"Kind of, but in a way, I feel a strange sense of relief really." I softly admitted to him. "For so long, I think this place represented what I was missing out on, and what I had lost more than what the future could hold. I think whoever gets this house will fill it with the kind of love and memories it's always deserved, you know?"

"Yeah, Bells. I think I know what you mean. Sometimes a house is just a house...-"

"...and not a home." I thoughtfully finished, as I leaned back further into his warm embrace with a slight shudder. "People and love make a real home. Not four walls and a roof."

"I couldn't agree with you more." He hedged, placing a kiss to my cheek, as Gentry came jogging back inside with Charlie close behind him.

"Billy and Clarissa are all settled and ready to go in your car. Can't believe we're driving! But hey- here's to new adventures, right?"

"That's the right spirit to have, Chief." Gentry offered up with half a grin.

"Long ass drive though." Charlie chuckled, with a slight grimace. "No way around that."

"It'll be worth it in the end when you're all back home. Safe and sound." Gentry sighed. "Won't be the same around these parts without any of you."

"We're gonna miss you, too bro." Jacob replied, as the two of them exchanged a brotherly hug and looked my way.

"Come on, get in here, Swan. Truth be told, I think you've grown on me during all this. Who knows? I may even start calling you sis - if you're lucky." Gentry laughed, and I joined them in a group hug that made my throat tight from the tears I refused to show.

"You've grown on me too, Gentry."

Charlie lifted my final suitcase there by the door with a huff, and motioned for us to follow him out of the house for the last time. I went with him, and briefly stopped by the mailbox while Jacob and Gentry lingered for a few more minutes by the porch steps. I could still hear some of their conversation while I flipped open the old rusty red door, and peered inside to see the stack of mail waiting there for me to collect before we took off. Charlie waited close by for me, his thoughtful gaze meeting mine when he noticed the way I carefully thumbed through all the many bills, eagerly searching for one piece of mail imparticular. Suddenly, there it was, staring up at me with bold faced lettering. My hands started to shake when I looked back toward Jacob and Gentry, the two of them still lost in their own conversation.

"That's it, isn't it? The results?" Charlie asked, as he leaned in closer and peered down at the letter in my hand.

"Yeah... -looks to be. Got here sooner than I thought it would."

"You have to give it to them. No time like the present, especially since we're all leaving in a few minutes. I'm sure they'd like to have some sense of closure with it all. One way or another, don't you think?" Charlie asked, with a nod toward the house.

"I know, dad. Still doesn't make it any easier. What's in this envelope could change a lot for the both of them."

Charlie wrapped an arm around my shoulders and placed a kiss to my forehead, before he headed toward my packed car, and tossed the final suitcase clutched in his hand into the back of my loaded trunk.

I swallowed hard and stayed there by the mailbox, as I listened to some of the more meaningful and friendly banter being exchanged between Jacob and Gentry.

"You know, I'm glad you came to Maine." Gentry sighed.

"Me too. Has a lot more to offer than I ever thought it would. I'll have to make regular trips back here to see you. Wouldn't want you getting yourself into any trouble now that we're gone." Jacob chuckled in reply to him.

"You better cause I'll need someone to keep me straight."

"Speaking of that, how did things end with you and Leah this morning? She was gone before we got up?"

"I told her I'd call her." Gentry huffed.

".… and are you really going to?" Jacob sighed in return.

"I think I will. I like that girl. Something about her...-"

"Leah's good people, bro. Her whole family is, but like I said before tread lightly." Jacob warned him, and I shook my head while pondering our friendly wager from earlier.

"I hear you and don't worry, I'll stay on my toes with that one. Looks like I'll need to. Long distance probably won't work out in my favor anyway." Gentry fretted.

"In all seriousness, you could still change your mind and come back with us? La'Push isn't that bad."

I caught the way Jacob stated this, his tone both serious and hopeful at the same time. I knew that a big part of him wanted Gentry close by and that it was hard for him to think of them thousands of miles apart like before.

"You know I can't do that, man."

"Why?" Jacob countered.

"My farm is here. It's my life. I have an obligation to finish things with it. Can't just abandon the place. Wouldn't be right."

"Come on, Gentry. You could keep the farm here and hire a whole second crew with the money your mom left you. You just barely got your hands on that inheritance." Jacob hedged.

"I didn't even know I had it till now. I've got so many repairs to make to the farm with those funds and-..."

"A family in Washington...-"

Gentry went quiet at this, his gaze dropping down to the snowy ground before he turned his head my way. He straightened his stance and Jacob followed suit when they noticed me there.

I sighed and held up the letter in my hand for them to see from afar. Worry etched itself in both of their faces as they looked to one another.

"Hey, man...- listen-... no matter what that test says-..." Gentry nervously began, as I reached the steps where they were standing and handed the envelope over to Jacob.

"You're still my brother...-"

"Yeah, something like that."

Jacob started to tear it open but soon stopped with a shake of his head when he held it out to me with a silent plea in his gaze I couldn't ignore. I took it back from him and finished opening the flimsy seal. I removed the thick pages and quickly scanned the top lettering, my eyes running down over the formalities in a blind hurry, as I desperately searched for the testing results we were all anxiously waiting for.

Gentry and Jacob stood there face to face, the two of them both looking to me and each other a few more times while I flipped through the many forms. My hands stopped when I reached the third page of the seven page document, and my heart raced when I read the very top line in bold black font and circled in red ink.

_'Alleged Father: Jacob Ephraim Black/ Probability of Paternity - 99.9998%'_

I sucked in a sharp breath and met Jacobs gaze when I raised my head, and handed him the page while pointing to the results printed there at the top.

"She's yours, Jacob. She's yours." I breathed, nervously looking between the two of them as a big sigh of relief came from Gentry first.

"She's … mine." Jacob then repeated, while he continued to read the page in his trembling hands. "Gentry, I-..."

"-Please don't say you're sorry." Gentry huffed, his gaze nothing but sincere as it held Jacobs. "I wouldn't want it any other way and neither would Lilly. It's like I said from the start, she's right where she should be... with you."

Jacob folded the letter and swiftly handed it back to me with his strained and honest reply then.

"That doesn't mean I don't want you part of her life, cause I do. I really do. Come back to Washington with us. You know what I said before still stands true. You'd make a kick ass uncle, and Clarissa needs all the family and support she can get. That will never change. Come on, bro. At least say you'll think about it?"

Gentry shook his head and nervously shuffled his feet, as he looked down the driveway toward my car where Billy waved to him a final time.

"My place is here."

"Your place is with family. With the people who care about you. Dad would love nothing more."

"Jake, it's not the simple. I have too much here, but I will promise you that I'll think about it. See what the spring brings and go from there, alright? I hugged dad goodbye and told him I'd call often. I'll keep my word and you know I have your back if you need anything. Just a phone call away." Gentry sighed, as he started to back away from Jacob with a fleeting glance toward the snowy forest behind us.

"Okay, I guess that'll have to do for now."

Jacob turned and started to head for the car as I looked to Gentry, my gaze holding his for a second longer, and my eyes watering when I noticed his own emotion that was starting to show. I closed the slight distance between us and hugged him tightly. This caught him off guard and he let out a sharp breath when I wrapped my arms around his neck and whispered my goodbye to him.

"You always have a place with us, Gentry. No matter what or how much time passes. You can always come to us in Washington. Our door will never be closed to you. Sometimes it takes a little breaking before things can heal like they should. Don't let the fear of new things scare you enough to keep you where you're at if you're not happy. You belong with us and we love you. So please, don't be a stranger."

He held me tight, his arms wrapping around me with his gruff reply.

"You make goodbyes hard, you know?"

"I know, but everything I said is true."

"I won't be a stranger, Bella. Take care of my brother, Clarissa, and Billy for me?"

"You know I will. I promise."

He sighed and released me then, his tears welling up and spilling over, as he pushed away from me and tore off for the woods without stopping for a backwards glance.

I climbed into the passenger seat of my car and glanced back at Billy, Charlie and sweet Clarissa, all of them buckled and ready for our trip now. Jacob waited only another minute or two, before he reached for my hand and backed out of the tiny driveway for the last time.

Within three short hours, we had crossed state lines, and I smiled as Jacobs warm hand gently squeezed mine, his thoughtful words touching my heart as we left the Maine turnpike.

"I love you, Bells. Here's to new beginnings, honey."

I looked his way and glanced down at our conjoined hands while I thoughtfully pondered the events that had led us here. My reply to him then was simple, because this man had always held far more than just my hand. He'd held my heart all this time and would forever be my end and my beginning.

"To new beginnings."

_**THE END**_

_**A/N: Guys, we're finally here. It's the end! …. right? Isn't it? I mean surely it has to be? Yes? No? (Smiling wide behind my laptop) Okay, Okay. I may have a surprise for all of you my wonderful readers! Stay tuned for it tomorrow! I promise it will be worth the day wait! **_


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